All The Girls
by Berg
Image text: You know that I'll never leave you. Not as long as she's with someone.
Today's comic is pretty straightforward. A young couple (whom I'll refer to as Cueball and Cutie, just because I like the way that sounds) is in love. In the first panel, Cueball says he's lucky to have Cutie, a perfectly fine thing to say to someone when you're in love. In the second panel, Cueball tells Cutie he loves her most out of all the girls in the world, which is again a perfectly fine thing to say when you're in love. Trouble sets in, however, in the third panel, where Cueball offers his qualifying statement, that he loves Cutie the most of the subset of girls who also love Cueball back.
Now, on it's surface it would appear that Cueball is making a hollow statement, in that the subset of girls who love him back must be smaller than the set of all the girls in the world, and we assume, because we are nerds, that that subset is probably only a few girls in size. I like to be optimistic, though, and presume that Cueball, due to his smooth head and sentimental heart, is loved by nearly all the girls in the world, and so his sentiment is still very sweet.
The image text, however, crushes any optimism one might have in the situation. Written in Cueball's voice, we have another compliment/qualifier pair. Cueball assures Cutie that he'll never leave her- so long as she's with someone. Cueball clearly has an unrequited love for another, and so really is being as shitty as we all thought he was originally. Please forgive my false optimism- I know now what a cold, cruel place the world can be.
...and now, off to Comic-Con I go, where I shall find out what a crowded, stinky place the world can be. I'm learning a lot today!
Phobia
by Jeff
Image text: Oh God, the tornado picked up snakes!
This is one of those xkcd's that's super emo. These are always a little awkward for me to read.
However, my interpretation of the second frame is that the black haired character is speaking in reference to relationships and dating and the like. She keeps turning away potential suitors with her phrase.
I don't think she keeps saying that every year to keep from becoming a storm chaser.
What's your interpretation of this Friday's emo xkcd? Who is emotional about what to whom?
Science Valentine
by Jeff
Image text: You don't use science to show that you're right, you use science to become right.
Well, there's a downer for ya.
You Hang Up First
by Jeff
Image text: No, YOU stumble past a series of post-breakup hookups in a daze as you slowly realize what you've lost and how unlikely you are ever to get it back first.
This one is pretty clear and is an escalating case of the classic "You hang up first" discussion between lovers.
G-Spot
by Jeff
Image text: The BBC lead was 'The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.' I couldn't read it with a straight face.
In the comic, the reporters asking about the G-spot article are attending the wrong conference and proceed to make a solar cells researcher very sad.
We Get It
by Jeff
Image text: The most brutal way I've ever seen someone handle this was 'Oh, you have a girlfriend. Are you going to get married?' 'I, uh, don't know--' 'Well, do you love her?' '...' 'Anyway, what were you saying about the movie?'
This comic is a social commentary on the way that some people advertise their new relationships as a way to brag to others.
Orbitals
by Jeff
Image text: And now someone drunk and hot stumbles in, one thing follows another, and the next roommate to return home sleeps in the hall lounge orbital.
This is a parody on the Pauli exclusion principle of quantum mechanics that states that no two identical fermions (electrons, protons, neutrons, muons) can occupy the same state. In the case of the comic, the state is the dorm room suite. The highest lowest level or state is in this comic is your own bedroom, then next two lower higher states are the next two bedrooms, and the lowest highest state is the couch in the living room. The image text goes on to speculate that the next lowest higher state would be the hall lounge if the living room itself was "occupied" by a romantic pair. The Pauli Sexclusion Principle dictates that no two roommates can occupy the same "state" in the case of sexual activity and it dictates the order of "states" .
The pun on the name is that when one person is barred from their room due to the sexual activity of their roomate, this is known as "sexclusion".
EDIT: Also, I'm not quite sure whether or not the drawings of the couples in the rooms are very crude stick figures...
Nowhere
by Jeff
Image text: I mean, seriously, NOWHERE? For starters, there are like a thousand species of dinosaur.
Looks like the girl in the comic would rather be riding a dinosaur than hanging out with that dude. Ouch. The rare comic that allows us to use the cynicism, love and dinosaurs tag in one post. Bet that doesn't happen again.
Creepy
by Jeff
Image text: And I even got out my adorable new netbook!
This comic is a dream sequence for the male character for the first four frames. It appears to be a social commentary about why more single men and women don't randomly talk to each other. One side is waiting for the other to show the midlest interest and the other side is waiting for the other side to show interest as well. So, no one talks to anyone else and someone writes sadly into their blog.
Brontosaurus
by Jeff
Image text: Well, sex is like a velociraptor: despite your movie-fueled lifelong neurotic obsession, unlikely to be found in your house.
And here we continue xkcd's author's obsession with the cyncism about love.
Brontosaurus is an obsolete phrase for the Apatosaurus. Brontosaurus is the "popular" (but incorrect) name for the dinosaur, but Apatosaurus is the correct name.