Anxiety
by Jeff
Image text: Don't need any thanks. I have a backscattering fetish.
This comic is of a security line in an airport, which I got all too familiar with during my recent trip. However, this is not the airport security line you are traditionally familiar with because everyone is waiting for one of the new Backscatter x-ray machines (which is what it says in tiny print on the scanner in the comic). These machines do more than merely beep when enough of a metal object pass through them. They take "pictures" of the person inside them to see if they have any prohibited material on their person.
That is all well and good, however the x-ray machines ignore clothes and produce an outline of the person's nude body for the security personnel to analyze. Because this outline bares a lot for the picture, some men would find it beneficial to take some Viagra to increase the bulk of the area around their crotchal regions. I'm quite sure "crotchal" is not a word, but I like to use it anyway. If you are not sure what I mean, you either haven't seen a single commercial for Viagra, Cialis or any variant drugs. If you still do not understand, come back when you are older.
The image text is what the last person in line says to the Black Hat character when he sees the Viagra for sale sign. He does not need the Viagra to achieve tumescence to impress the security personnel and increase his own self confidence because he is aroused by the backscattering itself.
Backscattering is the the reflection of waves, particles or signals back to where they came from.
The security person in this comic is thinking "Oh God". There is several possible reasons for this. 1 - He could be seeing the image in the screen of the Viagra-enhanced outline of the man in the scanner. 2 - He could have noticed the Black Hat selling Viagra, check the long line of men and then back at the image and think about how long his 8 hour shift seems now.
However, for comedic effect, the comic is different than in reality because in actual airports, the person analyzing the image is in a completely separate room and cannot see the actual people going through the line. The people attending to the line only look at an LCD screen and wait for the technicians in the other room to declare the person clean.
All in all, it is a very disarming situation as they make you hold your hands over or behind your head for the scan.
Scheduling
by Jeff
Image text: 'How about a little ... *family growth*?' 'Dude, that's not until round two.'
This comic starts out with a cliched pornographic movie set up. A strong pizza delivery guy mistakenly enters a house where a French maid is dressed in what appears in the comic to be lace. The pizza delivery got has a "hot sausage" pizza, in which the hot sausage is a double entendre for his penis.
Then in the second frame, the pizza delivery guy turns the pizza sideways which ruins all chances he had of ever delivering that pizza. Literally, I'm not making another sexual innuendo there.
Then the second cliche porn set up enters the picture as a plumber enters then delivers his sexual inneundo that Mrs. Jones "needs her plumbing fixed". But, then because this is xkcd instead of turning into some wild Pay-Per-View porn movie, they discover the game Agricola and decide to play that instead.
Agricola is a turn based game in which each player is a farmer and spouse. Each player is dedicated to expanding their farm and accomplishing all the tasks on the farm. This is where the sexual innuendo comes in from the image text. "Family Growth" is obviously a sexual innuendo, but in Agricola you cannot complete actual family growth until after you expand your farm and farm house to accommodate the kiddies.
In the last frame we see Mr. and Mrs. Jones come home. You can tell Mr. Jones because he has the briefcase. When they come home to interrupt the game, the French Maid, the Pizza Delivery Guy and the Plumber are all playing Agricola on the floor.
Swimsuit Issue
by Jeff
Image text: Parents: talk to your kids about popup blockers. Also, at some point, sex. But crucial fundamentals first!
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but always practice safe browsing!
Walkthrough
by Jeff
Image text: There's nothing hotter than porn dubbed over with a poorly-mic'd teenager's voice explaining each step in a droning monotone. 'okay, we're almost at the spawn point ... separate the labia, but watch out, there are more inside them ..."
This comic is a pun on walkthrough videos for World of Warcraft instances and bosses and game of a similar ilk. Videos will be posted online showing how to beat a particular part of the game. As the image text says these walkthroughs are always done by a teenager and are almost impossible to listen to.
In the case of the comic, the walkthrough video that was watched was what is known as a "speed run" in which the players in the walkthrough try to finish the boss, instance or whatever as fast as possible. So, as you can see, the joke is that the person incorrectly watched a speed run sex walkthrough video, so the sexual encounter on his date was a "speed run". If you don't get the joke there... come back when you are older.
In the image text, the word spawn point is used in the gaming realm to mean the place where new enemies burst forth. In the image text, it is used as a pun.
Furtive
by Jeff
Image text: ... go go gadget video camera. Go go gadget cup.
This of course is a double reference. First, in the comic a reference to the cartoon Inspector Gadget, who only had to say "Go Go Gadget ___ " for that gadget to come flying out of his jacket. That is the same jacket depicted in the comic.
Second, in the image text is a reference to the infamous 2 girls 1 cup video that has spread wildly around the internet as a prank and somehow I have avoided seeing...quite deftly I might add.
And no, I am not approving/clicking on any comments with a hidden or tiny url in them!
Porn For Women
by Jeff
Image text: Yes, there are a lot of longing looks across the bridge of Galactica first, but that's beside the point!
Porn for Women is a popular illustrated book that features exactly what the comic says.
Galactica is the ship from the show named: Battlestar Galactica.
Sex Dice
by Jeff
Image text: You roll for initiative, and ... [roll] ... wow, do you ever take it.
In this comic, there are two different groups playing two different dice games. However, the dice got mixed up. Instead of numbers, the first two are supposed to have another die with actions on them, as seen in the last panel. The "sex" die got mixed in with the kids Dungeons and Dragons set because they did not organize the game cupboard. The four people in the last panel are completely different than the two in the first 3.
The joke in the image text is a play on the word "initiative". In Dungeons and Dragons you roll for initiative for an extra modifier to your roll of the dice. In the image text, they are suggesting that someone accidentally rolled a sex die for initiative. And "take initiative" means to take charge to take command outside of Dungeons and Dragons.
Strip Games
by Jeff
Image text: HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR?
Agricola is a board game in which you start out as a farmer with a spouse. It is a turn-based game in which you have two possible movements for each character you possess. Sounds enthralling...
Jumanji is the game played in the movie by the same name.
Poohsticks is a game played in the Winnie the Pooh books in which two "players" each drop sticks from a bridge and the first stick to make it to the end wins. Sounds enthralling as a strip competition...
Podracing is the type of racing featured in Star Wars Episode I.
Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma is a problem in game theory. It is the case that if two prisoners are taken into jail, but kept separate. If both choose to remain silent, they are given 6 months jail time. If they both accuses the other, they both will do 5 years in prison. If one accuses the other while the other stays silent, one goes to jail for 10 years and the other gets away scot free. When it is iterated, it is played over and over again.
Chess by Mail is just what it sounds like... and very slow.
Conway's Game of Life is a zero-player game and played by cells and here are the rules from Wikipedia:
- Any live cell with fewer than two live neighbours dies, as if caused by underpopulation.
- Any live cell with more than three live neighbours dies, as if by overcrowding.
- Any live cell with two or three live neighbours lives on to the next generation.
- Any dead cell with exactly three live neighbours becomes a live cell.
G-Spot
by Jeff
Image text: The BBC lead was 'The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.' I couldn't read it with a straight face.
In the comic, the reporters asking about the G-spot article are attending the wrong conference and proceed to make a solar cells researcher very sad.
Natural Parenting
by Jeff
Image text: On one hand, every single one of my ancestors going back billions of years has managed to figured it out. On the other hand, that's the mother of all sampling biases.
This comic is saying that sex "comes naturally".
Sampling bias is a non-random sample of participants in a study. In this case, all of the participants were self-selected to be parents. And of course there is a pun in "mother of all sampling biases".