1350: Lorenz/Transcript

More panels/text have been appearing on the comic constantly since its debut, so expanding this transcript is expected to be a constant work in progress. We still probably have many storylines missing. Feel free to add more if you find them!

This transcript is incomplete. Please help editing it! Thanks.

This is the transcript of 1350: Lorenz. Here, we strive to capture as many storylines as possible, but this is expected to be a constant work in progress as new panels become available in the comic.

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'''Knit Cap Girl''':
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A) Yes!<br>
B) No!<br>
C) Maybe!
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Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline A) Yes!
B) No!
C) Maybe! Template:endline

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Transcript

Knit Cap Girl:
[Typing on the laptop and thinking.]
(permalink)

Template:beginbranch Refresh... No new email... Refresh... No new tweets... Refresh... (permalink) Template:midbranch

Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch So you're still refusing to use Facebook? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Wanna build a snowman? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Hey. I hear Godot is in town. Wanna try to meet him? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch You know. Your car's on fire. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch These stupid tiles... I'll just play one more game. (branch 1) (permalink) Template:midbranch [Hairy visits Knit Cap Girl.]
Hairy: Template:beginline

Template:beginbranch There's something weird out on the lawn. Template:midbranch

Hat Guy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch This is an apartment. We don't have a lawn. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Guy and Hairy leave the house. They pass by a moat.]

Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch OK, two weird things. Template:midbranch

Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch I count three. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Why is there a gap here? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Who tiled the moat? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I can see a creeper down there. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Damn Griefers. Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Is this 1-1 from Mario? Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy pass by a tree.]
Hairy: Template:beginline

Template:beginbranch Why does that tree looks fake? Template:midbranch Narrator: A wild Pikachu appeared!
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Theft"!
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: ...
Pikachu: Um... Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Actually, it's the final castle. Grab your Fire Flower! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch It's over this way. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I've never been this far before! Template:midbranch Hairy: Are you going insane again? Template:endbranch

Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch See? It's like a glitch in the Matrix. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch How far can we go? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:beginbranch What the fuck?! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:beginbranch How... How do we get everything back? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch This isn't where I left that... Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline

Template:beginbranch I have a lawn? Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy leave the house. They pass by a moat.]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Hmmm, did you order a moat? Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch It helps keep bobcats out. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Of course. All cool kids have moats in their yards. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I don't have the best relationship with my mailman. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Yep. Delivered in two days, courtesy of Amazon Prime. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I don't remember this being here. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch It has begun! That's one of the first holes in reality. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch I've been working on a theory that 2048 is a tool for the old ones to open up portals to this reality. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch What about black holes? Those don't count? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch We must go deeper. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I wanted to jump over the massive sinkhole, but nooo, someone just had to find out what was down there. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Oh, I had the moving company install it last week. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch We poop in it. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Finally got you out of the damn house. Template:midbranch Narrator: A wild Pikachu appeared!
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Ink Cloud"!
Narrator: ...
Pikachu: Um...
Pikachu: Well then.
Pikachu: I might have left surprises in that direction.
Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Look how deep it goes! Template:midbranch Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch I wonder if we can get someone to fall in? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I'm going in. You can come if you want to. I think I see stars down there. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch That was a missing opportunity. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I should come outside more often. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch It looks like I can see Moria from here. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch You see Moria from everywhere, Hairy. Template:midbranch Narrator: A wild Pikachu appeared!
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Ink Cloud"!
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Google Maps didn't warn me of this. Template:midbranch Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Uplift!"
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Cute Face!"
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Faceless"!
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Where's Twitch when I need help?
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Abandonment"!
Narrator: It's not very effective... Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Enemy Pikachu used "The Discrete Metric"! Template:midbranch Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Extrude"!
Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: ...
Pikachu: Um...
Pikachu: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Now I only have Struggle left. Tie? Template:midbranch Pikachu: No fair! Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch We are the knights who say Ni! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch What is even going on here? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Gathered the ink! Template:midbranch Narrator: It's not very effective...
Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Granite"!
Narrator: It's not very effective... Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Yeah, who did you think gave them a balrog? Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch One does not simple "give" a balrog. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch What? You weren't using it! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Gift-wrapping's the hardest part. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Moria is an anagram of Mario! Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy pass by a tree.]
Hairy: Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall. Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch Template:endline

Template:beginbranch I hope it's not a bobcat this time. Template:midbranch [A giant hole appears and they fall into it.]
Knit Cap Girl and Hairy: Aaaaa...
[Knit Cap Girl wakes up.]
Knit Cap Girl: Gasp [Goes to his desk.]
Knit Cap Girl: Yawn [Sits at his desk.]
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Might as well clear more tiles. Template:midbranch [Hairy visits Knit Cap Girl again.]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Um, there's a hole in your lawn... Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch If it doesn't lead to a 1024 tile, I'm leaving. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Damn bobcats. Template:midbranch Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Well it was here... Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I don't think it was bobcats this time. Unless they have backshoes... Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I just had a dream about that. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy go outside again and fall in the hole again~.]
Knit Cap Girl and Hairy: Aaaaa...
[Knit Cap Girl wakes up, leaves the bed and finds a boomerang.]
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch It looks like is [sic] fell from space. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl throwns the boomerang away and it hits something.]
Crash!
[Knit Cap Girl runs away.] Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I hope this isn't just another one of those dreams that keeps coming back at you. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl throws the boomerang twice, only for it to return to him both times.]
Knit Cap Girl: Hm. I was expecting a shark.
[Knit Cap Girl throwns the boomerang again, and it returns to him again.] Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I hope this was not thrown by a bobcat. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl throws the boomerang, only for it to return to him .]
Knit Cap Girl: There's a mesage written on it.
[Knit Cap Girl throws the boomerang again. It hits something.]
Crash!
[Knit Cap Girl runs away.] Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch There's someone at the door looking for you. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I made an apple pie. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch If you want to do that, I'm rebuilding my bathroom this afternoon. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Definitely not going outside today. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Thank God it wasn't a bobcat. Template:midbranch Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch You just got a package. It's by the door. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Why is there a bobcat on your lawn? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch There's somewhere [sic] weird out on the lawn. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch This seems familiar. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy go outside.]
Knit Cap Girl: I hope it's not a velociraptor. Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Hold up. I need to get my wingsuit first. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I hope it's not a giant hole. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy go outside. They pass by a tree.]
Hairy: How disappointed are you?
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch I was expecting a bobcat. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Oh? That's the other tree. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Eh, not that much. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I have a bad feeling about this. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Hey do you know why there's a giant hole in the yard? Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy go outside.]
Knit Cap Girl: I swear if it's a bobcat.
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Why did you bring me here? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch This dream has been looping for years, and yet we never tire of it. Why is that? Template:midbranch [There is a gap in the ground. Knit Cap Girl jumps over it, Hairy looks into it.] Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Hmmm... I should buy a shovel. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl looks at his screen wondering.]
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Wow! Shovels sure are expensive! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Shovels can't be actually made out of two sticks and a row of rocks? Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl is wondering more. Hairy comes. They connect their laptops. Hairy is wondering. Knit Cap Girl tries something at Hairy's laptop.] Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch How can there be 36 types of shovel??! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch These prices are insane! I wonder if you can rent a shovel... Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch If you reprogrammed the squirrel laser to target hipsters again... Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy go outside.]
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Let's just say we won't have to worry about parking. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch No, now they're just wearing wigs ironically. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Things may have gotten out of control a little. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch At least it improved their haircuts. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch There's a dinosaur at the door. Template:midbranch T-Rex: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Self-doubt crippled my arms. Can I have yours? Template:midbranch T-Rex: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Never answer your mobile phone while I am addressing you! Template:midbranch [T-Rex is going to step on a house.]
T-Rex: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch I think you just entered a dead zone. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl is inside the house. She wakes up from a dream, goes outside and finds a boomerang.] Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Kids these days. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl is inside the house. She wakes up from a dream, and goes back to her computer.] Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Die you monster. Template:midbranch [Hairy is inside the house. He wakes up from a dream, and starts singing.]
Hairy: [Singing] I woke up like this. Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Also, have you heard about Tumblr? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Also I have some trenchant observations on language and philosophy to make. Template:midbranch [T-Rex is going to step on a house.]
T-Rex: Also, your brain is like this house.
[Knit Cap Girl is inside the house. He wakes up from a dream and goes back to his computer.] Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch It's not like you're using them. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I need a hand! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Did you think he was joking? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Sorry for just barging in, I couldn't reach the doorbell. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I heard Home Depot has 1024 bathroom tiles. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch But how many bathrooms? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch That's 2^5 more than Ikea, I need to see for myself. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Let's go, I can keep playing on my phone on the drive. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Pfft. Amateurs. Let's go mock them. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I think I saw a "4096" tile outside somewhere. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch These stupid tiles... I'll just play one more game. (branch 2) (permalink) Template:midbranch [Hairy visits Knit Cap Girl.]
Hairy: Template:beginline

Template:beginbranch What's with those tiny games you keep playing, anyway? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Isn't that sort of meaningless? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Up for a dangerous experiment with no pay? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch You won't believe what just fell off of your roof. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Oh. Hey. There's some kind of political thing going on. Template:midbranch Laptop: "...and let's go live to the debate."
[Two politicians are debating on TV.]
Politician 1: Template:beginline

Template:beginbranch In contrast to my oppponent, who I quote, "Never liked Firefly much to begin with." Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch ...but even if you tied enough birds to the car, would you get them to take off in unison? Template:midbranch Politician 2: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Tie a predatory bird to the car with a somewhat shorter rope so that it will scare off the rest of the birds without being able to reach them. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Training. That's why I support the "Airlift Act", which would put more resources into the hands of bird educators everywhere. Template:midbranch Politician 1: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch But is "Airlift" an acronym? Template:midbranch Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch There are birds outside tied to a car. Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Cool, let's see who we should vote for. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I know who I'm voting for. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch How many birds? (permalink) Template:midbranch Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch I call her "Serenity." Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch So when you said birds... Template:midbranch Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Wait. The birds are inside!? Template:midbranch White Hat: Want to forget your dreams? There's a pill for that! Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Someone inside the rocket: I needed to escape from politics anyway. Template:midbranch Voice inside the rocket: "…And let’s go live to the debate". (permalink) Other spacecraft: We observe your speed to be 38.5%c, and your time is passing at 92.3% the rate of ours. Does this mirror your observations? Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch All terms are relative. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Liquefied bird fuel is the way to the future. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Well, by “birds” and “car” I really meant a rocket. There’s totally a rocket in your lawn, man. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch The owls in our barn are forming a union. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Or course: Avian Implemented Reuseable Lifter and Ingenuous Flight Technology! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch But you must agree that a bitd in the hand is worth more than three educators in the bush. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Incredible! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Wait... Is that like people who educate birds, or birds that teach? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch By opening and closing an umbrella near them. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch One word: Fiscal hawks. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch And if elected, I vow to win this war on Christmas once and for all! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I agree with my opponent all all [sic] issues and I think his economic plan is fantastic! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Let's see if BSD is any easier to install nowadays. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl is confused, staring at his laptop.]
Knit Cap Girl: ??
Knit Cap Girl: Template:beginline

Template:beginbranch Now I just need to look up what a "beard error" is... Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl has ?? next to her head to signify confusion. Hairy walks in. (continue) Hairy is on the other side of the desk with his own laptop computer. Both the computers are connected through Ethernet cable. The two characters are typing on the computer. The two stop typing. Hairy has ??? next to his head. Hairy had stepped back while the character is checking on Hairy's laptop computer. Knit Cap Girl is holding something rectangular.]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch The USB cable appears to be mono-directional. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Kernel mites? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I'm not sure rubbing butter on it will help Template:midbranch [Hairy and Knit Cap Girl are handling their computers more aggressively.]
Knit Cap Girl: ARGH! [They both stop. Knit Cap Girl walks away, her chair turned 180 degrees. Pushing aside the chair, she returns with a fiery blowtorch while wearing goggles.]
Hairy: [holding up a finger] Um.
[Knit Cap Girl's computer was so burned, not only steam is coming out of the computer, but even the desk is noticeably burnt. The cable (apparently also burned) hangs from Hairy's laptop computer. The used blowtorch is clumsily laid sideways be the side of the desk. Both Knit Cap Girl (whose goggles are pushed off his eye) and Hairy are looking at the calamity. The chair is almost out of view. The goggles are on the floor while the chair is nowhere to be seen. Hairy and Knit Cap Girl are walking away from the scene.]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Are you all of a sudden in the mood for Thai food? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Let's try OpenBSD next time... Template:midbranch [First panel is of a panned view. Hairy and Knit Cap Girl are walking on a path away from a house. Next panel is back to a "normal camera view".]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Okay then. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Let's go exploring! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I love Windows. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Guess not. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch If you'd done the other one, maybe the popcorn would have popped. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Let's see if rubbing some bacon on it will work. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Let's try Linux next time... Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Yep. It's haunted. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Wait. What's on this other partition? Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl has ??? next to her head to signify confusion. Hairy walks in. Hairy is on the other side of the desk with his own laptop computer. Both the computers are connected through Ethernet cable. The two characters are typing on the computer. The two stop typing. Hairy has ??? next to his head. Hairy had stepped back while Knit Cap Girl is checking on Hairy's laptop computer. Knit Cap Girl is holding something rectangular.]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch Maybe if you cross connect the serial port to video port you'll be able to send the video directly in as an input for the password. Template:midbranch [Knit Cap Girl and Hairy are at sea, both emitting ripples. A shark's fin can be seen close to Hairy.]
Hairy: Template:beginline Template:beginbranch It worked fine for the shark Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch We're definitely getting closer though Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch That didn't work! Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch It would have worked for Solaris. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Look, it made perfect sense at the time. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Still simpler than it used to be, I guess. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch What's a segfault? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I think the cameras need to face each other. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch I'm not sure spaghetti works as a USB cable... Template:midbranch Template:endbranch Template:endline Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Why is Python importing Skynet? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch My keyboard has to support SSH over USB? Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Gravity. Lots of it. Template:midbranch Template:endbranch

Template:beginbranch Hurry! We're in talks with Facebook. (permalink) Template:midbranch Template:endbranch