1350: Lorenz/Transcript

Transcript

This transcript is incomplete. Please help editing it! Thanks.

[An accurate transcript will be impossible to create because the comic changes over time..]

There are many options. Not everyone will see the same options. We are trying to capture as many options as possible in the transcript below. The order and options has changed since the transcripter captured the dialogue....The dialogue is likely based on click-through rates and hence will change over time based on which choices are clicked most using A/B measurement techniques..

Often, when a panel is without any choices to make, there is only the option "Continue" to see the next panel.

1st Pane: (permalink)
Knit Cap Guy:

• Refresh... No new email... Refresh... No new tweets... Refresh...
• These stupid tiles... I'll just play one more game.
• These stupid tiles... I'll just play one more game. [There are two completely separate branches with this same text. In one of them, it's written "i'll" in lowercase rather than "I'll".]
• Oh. Hey. There's some kind of political thing going on.
• Let's see if BSD is any easier to install nowadays.
• Gravity. Lots of it.
• Hurry! We're in talks with facebook.

2nd Pane: Refresh Branch (permalink)

Hairy:

• So you're still refusing to use Facebook?
• Wanna build a snowman?
• Hey. I hear Godot is in town. Wanna try to meet him?
• You know. Your car's on fire.

2nd Pane: Stupid Tiles Branch (permalink)

[Hairy visits Knit Cap Guy.]

Hairy:

• There's something weird out on the lawn.
• There's a dinosaur at the door.
• I heard Home Depot has 1024 bathroom tiles.
• I think I saw a "4096" tile outside somewhere.

3rd Pane: Something Weird Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• This is an apartment. We don't have a lawn.
• I have a lawn?
• I hope it's not a bobcat this time.
• If you reprogrammed the squirrel laser to target hipsters again...

4th-5th Panes: Apartment Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy leave the house. They pass by a moat.]

Hairy:

• OK, two weird things.
• I can see a creeper down there.
• Is this 1-1 from Mario?
• See? It's like a glitch in the Matrix.
• This isn't where I left that...

6th Pane: Two Weird Things Branch

Hairy:

• I count three.
• Why is there a gap here?
• Who tiled the moat?

6th Pane: Creeper Branch

Knit Cap Guy: Damn Griefers.

6th Pane: Mario Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy pass by a tree.]

Hairy:

• Why does that tree looks fake?
• Actually, it's the final castle. Grab your Fire Flower!
• It's over this way.
• I've never been this far before!

7th-11th Panes: Fake Tree Branch

Narrator: A wild Pikachu appeared!

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Theft"!

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: ...

Pikachu: Um...

7th Pane: Never This Far Branch

Hairy: Are you going insane again?

6th Pane: Matrix Glitch Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• How far can we go?
• What the fuck?!
• How... How do we get everything back?

4th-5th Panes: Lawn Question Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy leave the house. They pass by a moat.]

Hairy:

• Hmmm, did you order a moat?
• I don't remember this being here.
• Look how deep it goes!
• It looks like I can see Moria from here.

6th Pane: Order Moat Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• It helps keep bobcats out.
• Of course. All cool kids have moats in their yards.
• I don't have the best rerlationship with my mailman.
• Yep. Delivered in two days, courtesy of Amazon Prime.

6th Pane: Don't Remember Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• It has begun! That's one of the first holes in reality.
• I wanted to jump over the massive sinkhole, but nooo, someone just had to find out what was down there.
• Oh, I had the moving company install it last week.
• We poop in it.
• Finally got you out of the damn house.

7th Pane: Hole in Reality Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• I've been working on a theory that 2048 is a tool for the old ones to open up portals to this reality.
• What about black holes? Those don't count?
• We must go deeper.

7th-13th Panes: Damn House Branch

Narrator: A wild Pikachu appeared!

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Ink Cloud"!

Narrator: ...

Pikachu: Um...

Pikachu: Well then.

Pikachu: I might have left surprises in that direction.

6th Pane: Look How Deep Branch

Hairy:

• I wonder if we can get someone to fall in?
• I'm going in. You can come if you want to. I think I see stars down there.
• That was a missing opportunity.
• I should come outside more often.

6th Pane: Moria Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• You see Moria from everywhere, Hairy.
• Yeah, who did you think gave them a balrog?
• Moria is an anagram of Mario!

7th-10th Panes: Moria Everywhere Branch

Narrator: A wild Pikachu appeared!

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Ink Cloud"!

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator:

• Google Maps didn't warn me of this.
• Enemy Pikachu used "The Discrete Metric"!
• Gathered the ink!

11th-21th Panes: Google Maps Branch

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Uplift!"

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Cute Face!"

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Faceless"!

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Where's Twitch when I need help?

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Abandonment"!

Narrator: It's not very effective...

11th-15th Panes: Discrete Metric Branch

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Extrude"!

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: ...

Pikachu: Um...

Pikachu:

• Now I only have Struggle left. Tie?
• We are the knights who say Ni!
• What is even going on here?

16th Pane: Struggle Branch

Pikachu: No fair!

11th-13th Panes: Gathered Ink Branch

Narrator: It's not very effective...

Narrator: Enemy Pikachu used "Granite"!

Narrator: It's not very effective...

7th-10th Panes: Balrog Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• One does not simple "give" a balrog.
• What? You weren't using it!
• Gift-wrapping's the hardest part.

7th Pane: Anagram Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy pass by a tree.]

Hairy: Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall.

4th-12th Panes: Bobcat Branch

[A giant hole appears and they fall into it.]

Knit Cap Guy and Hairy: Aaaaa...

[Knit Cap Guy wakes up.]

Knit Cap Guy: Gasp [Goes to his desk.]

Knit Cap Guy: Yawn [Sits at his desk.]

Knit Cap Guy:

• Might as well clear more tiles.
• Definitely not going outside today.
• Thank God it wasn't a bobcat.
• Hmmm... I should buy a shovel.

13th Pane: Clear More Tiles Branch

[Hairy visits Knit Cap Guy again.]

Hairy:

• Um, there's a hole in your lawn...
• There's someone at the door looking for you.
• I made an apple pie.
• If you want to do that, I'm rebuilding my bathroom this afternoon.

14th Pane: Hole in the Lawn Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• If it doesn't lead to a 1024 tile, I'm leaving.
• Damn bobcats.
• I just had a dream about that.

15th-16th Panes: Damn Bobcats Branch

Hairy:

• Well it was here...
• I don't think it was bobcats this time. Unless they have backshoes...

15th-22th Panes: Dream Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy go outside again and fall in the hole again~.]

Knit Cap Guy and Hairy: Aaaaa...

[Knit Cap Guy wakes up, leaves the bed and finds a boomerang.]

Knit Cap Guy:

• It looks like is [sic] fell from space.
• I hope this isn't just another one of those dreams that keeps coming back at you.
• I hope this was not thrown by a bobcat.

23th-26th Panes: Space Branch

[Knit Cap Guy throwns the boomerang away and it hits something.]

Crash!

[Knit Cap Guy runs away.]

23th-34th Panes: Coming Back Branch

[Knit Cap Guy throws the boomerang twice, only for it to return to him both times.]

Knit Cap Guy: Hm. I was expecting a shark.

[Knit Cap Guy throwns the boomerang again, and it returns to him again.]

23th-30th Panes: Thrown by Bobcat Branch

[Knit Cap Guy throws the boomerang, only for it to return to him .]

Knit Cap Guy: There's a mesage written on it.

[Knit Cap Guy throws the boomerang again. It hits something.]

Crash!

[Knit Cap Guy runs away.]

13th Pane: Thank God Branch

Hairy:

• You just got a package. It's by the door.
• Why is there a bobcat on your lawn?
• There's somewhere [sic] weird out on the lawn.
• Hey do you know why there's a giant hole in the yard?

14th Pane: Something Weird Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• This seems familiar.
• Hold up. I need to get my wingsuit first.
• I hope it's not a giant hole.
• I have a bad feeling about this.

15th-18th Pane: Familiar Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy go outside.]

Knit Cap Guy: I hope it's not a velociraptor.

15th-18th Pane: Hope Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy go outside. They pass by a tree.]

Hairy: How disappointed are you?

Knit Cap Guy:

• I was expecting a bobcat.
• Oh? That's the other tree.
• Eh, not that much.

14th-16th Panes: Do You Know Why Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy go outside.]

Knit Cap Guy: I swear if it's a bobcat.

Knit Cap Guy:

• Why did you bring me here?
• This dream has been looping for years, and yet we never tire of it. Why is that?

17th Pane: Dream Loop Branch

[There is a gap in the ground. Knit Cap Guy jumps over it, Hairy looks into it.]

13th-14th Panes: Buy Shovel Branch

[Knit Cap Guy looks at his screen wondering.]

Knit Cap Guy:

• Wow! Shovels sure are expensive!
• Shovels can't be actually made out of two sticks and a row of rocks?
• How can there be 36 types of shovel??!
• These prices are insane! I wonder if you can rent a shovel...

15th-18th Panes: Sticks and Rocks Branch

[Knit Cap Guy is wondering more. Hairy comes. They connect their laptops. Hairy is wondering. Knit Cap Guy tries something at Hairy's laptop.]

4th-5th Panes: Squirrel Laser Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy go outside.]

Knit Cap Guy:

• Let's just say we won't have to worry about parking.
• No, now they're just wearing wigs ironically.
• Things may have gotten out of control a little.
• At least it improved their haircuts.

3rd Pane: Bathroom Tiles Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• But how many bathrooms?
• That's 2^5 more than Ikea, I need to see for myself.
• Let's go, I can keep playing on my phone on the drive.
• Pfft. Amateurs. Let's go mock them.

3rd Pane: Dinosaur Branch

T-Rex:

• Self-doubt crippled my arms. Can I have yours?
• I need a hand!
• Did you think he was joking?
• Sorry for just barging in, I couldn't reach the doorbell.

4th Pane: Crippled Arms Branch

T-Rex:

• Never answer your mobile phone while I am addressing you!
• Also, have you heard about Tumblr?
• Also I have some trenchant observations on language and philosophy to make.
• It's not like you're using them.

5th Pane: Mobile Phone Branch

[T-Rex is going to step on a house.]

T-Rex:

• I think you just entered a dead zone.
• Kids these days.
• Die you monster.

6th Pane: Dead Zone Branch

[Knit Cap Guy is inside the house. He wakes up from a dream, goes outside and finds a boomerang.]

6th Pane: Kids These Days Branch

[Knit Cap Guy is inside the house. He wakes up from a dream, and goes back to his computer.]

6th Pane: Die You Monster Branch

[Hairy is inside the house. He wakes up from a dream, and starts singing.]

Hairy: [Singing] I woke up like this.

5th-11th Panes: Language and Philosophy Branch

[T-Rex is going to step on a house.]

• T-Rex: Also, your brain is like this house.

[Knit Cap Guy is inside the house. He wakes up from a dream and goes back to his computer.]

2nd Pane: Stupid Tiles Branch ([1])

[Hairy visits Knit Cap Guy.]

Hairy:

• What's with those tiny games you keep playing, anyway?
• Isn't that sort of meaningless?
• Up for a dangerous experiment with no pay?
• You won't believe what just fell off of your roof.

2nd-3rd Panes: Political Thing Branch

Laptop: "...and let's go live to the debate."

[Two politicians are debating on TV.]

Politician 1:

• In contrast to my oppponent, who I quote, "Never liked Firefly much to begin with."
• ...but even if you tied enough birds to the car, would you get them to take off in unison?
• And if elected, I vow to win this war on Christmas once and for all!
• I agree with my opponent all all [sic] issues and I think his economic plan is fantastic!

4th Pane: Tied Birds Branch

Politician 2:

• Tie a predatory bird to the car with a somewhat shorter rope so that it will scare off the rest of the birds without being able to reach them.
• Training. That's why I support the "Airlift Act", which would put more resources into the hands of bird educators everywhere.
• By opening and closing an umbrella near them.
• One word: Fiscal hawks.

5th Pane: Airlift Act Branch

Politician 1:

• But is "Airlift" an acronym?
• But you must agree that a bitd in the hand is worth more than three educators in the bush.
• Incredible!
• Wait... Is that like people who educate birds, or birds that teach?

6th Pane: Airlift an Acronym

Hairy:

• There are birds outside tied to a car.
• The owls in our barn are forming a union.
• Or course: Avian Implemented Reuseable Lifter and Ingenuous Flight Technology!

7th Pane: Car Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• Cool, let's see who we should vote for.
• I know who I'm voting for.
• How many birds?

8th-9th Panes: How Many Branch (permalink)

Hairy:

• I call her "Serenity."
• So when you said birds...
• Liquefied bird fuel is the way to the future.
• Well, by “birds” and “car” I really meant a rocket. There’s totally a rocket in your lawn, man.

10th-13th Panes: You Said Birds Branch

Knit Cap Guy:

• Wait. The birds are inside!?
• I needed to escape from politics anyway.
• All terms are relative.

14th-19th Panes: Birds Inside Branch

White Hat: Want to forget your dreams? There's a pill for that!

14th-15th Panes: Escape Politics Branch

• ‘…And let’s go live to the debate’.

16th-26th Panes: Debate Branch (permalink)

We observe your speed to be 38.5%c, and your time is passing at 92.3% the rate of ours. Does this mirror your observations?

2nd-3rd Panes: BSD Branch

[Knit Cap Guy is confused, staring at his laptop.]

Knit Cap Guy: ??

Knit Cap Guy:

• Now I just need to look up what a "beard error" is...
• Wait. What's on this other partition?
• Why is Python importing Skynet?
• My keyboard has to support SSH over USB?

4th-7th Panes: Beard Error Branch

[Knit Cap Guy has ?? next to his head to signify confusion. Hairy walks in. (continue) Hairy is on the other side of the desk with his own laptop computer. Both the computers are connected through Ethernet cable. The two characters are typing on the computer. The two stop typing. Hairy has ??? next to his head. Hairy had stepped back while the character is checking on Hairy's laptop computer. The character is holding something rectangular.]

Hairy:

• The USB cable appears to be mono-directional.
• Kernel mites?
• I'm not sure rubbing butter on it will help
• Yep. It's haunted.

8th-12th Panes: Rubbing Butter Branch

[Hairy and Knit Cap Guy are handling their computers more aggressively.]

Knit Cap Guy: ARGH!

[They both stop. Knit Cap Guy walks away, his chair turned 180 degrees. Pushing aside the chair, the character returns with a fiery blowtorch while wearing goggles.]

Hairy: [holding up a finger] Um.

[Knit Cap Guy's computer was so burned, not only steam is coming out of the computer, but even the desk is noticeably burnt. The cable (apparently also burned) hangs from Hairy's laptop computer. The used blowtorch is clumsily laid sideways be the side of the desk. Both Knit Cap Guy (whose goggles are pushed off his eye) and Hairy are looking at the calamity. The chair is almost out of view. The goggles are on the floor while the chair is nowhere to be seen. Hairy and Knit Cap Guy are walking away from the scene.]

Hairy:

• Are you all of a sudden in the mood for Thai food?
• Let's try OpenBSD next time...
• If you'd done the other one, maybe the popcorn would have popped.
• Let's see if rubbing some bacon on it will work.
• Let's try Linux next time...

13th-14th Panes: OpenBSD Branch

[13th panel is of a panned view. Hairy and Knit Cap Guy are walking on a path away from a house.]

[14th panel is back to a "normal camera view".]

Hairy:

• Okay then.
• Let's go exploring!
• I love Windows.
• Guess not.

4th-7th Panes: Other Partition Branch

[Knit Cap Guy has ??? next to his head to signify confusion. Hairy walks in. Hairy is on the other side of the desk with his own laptop computer. Both the computers are connected through Ethernet cable. The two characters are typing on the computer. The two stop typing. Hairy has ??? next to his head. Hairy had stepped back while Knit Cap Guy is checking on Hairy's laptop computer. Knit Cap Guy is holding something rectangular.]

Hairy:

• Maybe if you cross connect the serial port to video port you'll be able to send the video directly in as an input for the password
• What's a segfault?
• I think the cameras need to face each other.
• I'm not sure spaghetti works as a USB cable...

8th Pane: Video Password Branch

[Knit Cap Guy and Hairy are at sea, both emitting ripples. A shark's fin can be seen close to Hairy.]

Hairy:

• It worked fine for the shark
• We're definitely getting closer though
• That didn't work!
• It would have worked for Solaris.
• Look, it made perfect sense at the time.
• Still simpler than it used to be, I guess.