576: Packages

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Packages

Title text: Day six: 'The hell? Who mails a bobcat?'

Explanation

Cueball wrote a script that searches online shopping sites for items that cost US$1 with free shipping. Because the script is programmed to use an account with a $365 balance, this script will buy one random item per day for a full year. Megan comments that Cueball might just end up with "lots of crap" but replies that he might get something interesting.

Over five days the script orders a length of rubber hose, a ski mask, a bear trap, a map of The Pentagon and "lube" (sexual lubrication). This pattern prompts Cueball to stop the script out of fear of being placed on a FBI watch list; to a paranoid passerby, the purchased items make Cueball look like a terrorist who plans to kidnap and torture federal employees. And also a pervert; such a contrast is considered funny.

In reference to 325: A-Minus-Minus, the script managed to make one last order for an item being sold by Black Hat, with a bobcat being delivered instead.

Transcript

[Cueball is sitting at his computer.]

Cueball: I love getting packages.

[Megan enters.]

Cueball: I set up a script to search eBay et. al. for $1 items with free shipping.

[Cueball checks his doorstop; a package is waiting for him.]

Cueball: I gave it $365, so each day it can buy me something random.

Megan: What if you just end up with lots of crap?

Cueball: I'll give it away. But I'm sure I'll end up with some interesting stuff.

[Day 1: Length of rubber hose.]

Cueball: Could be handy around the house.

[Day 2: Ski mask.]

Cueball: It's spring, but hey.

[Day 3: Bear trap.]

Cueball: Huh.

[Day 4: Tourist map of the Pentagon.]

Megan: Uh oh.

[Day 5: Lube.]

Cueball: I'm stopping this before I end up on every F.B.I. watch list ever.

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Discussion

The only way I could imagine Cueball being on a wanted watch list is if the items he ordered could be interpreted as potentially being used in a hostage crisis at The Pentagon. --Btx40 (talk) 20:27, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

What's the lube for? 103.10.66.8 16:29, 19 May 2013 (UTC)

It's only for adults.--Dgbrt (talk) 17:24, 19 May 2013 (UTC)

Has anyone actually tried this?--Mynotoar (talk) 22:57, 7 July 2013 (UTC)

This guy did. 74.124.100.108 07:47, 20 October 2013 (UTC)

Here's one you can sign up for. I've been signed up for a while and packages are starting to trickle in, much to my amusement. --Alex (talk) 22:46, 25 June 2014 (UTC)

I've added a link to the "Bobcat in a Box" website in a trivia section, because I really thought it should be mentioned in the main article. Just some random derp 18:33, 24 June 2015 (UTC)

Who would sell a bobcat for a dollar? 108.162.250.217 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

I think the shipping costs will eat you alive. 108.162.220.53 18:49, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

Similar sort of experiment with a $100 cap, in bitcoins. Was discontinued within three months after the program purchased ecstasy internationally, a likely stolen credit card, and a presumably fraudulent (but very high quality) Hungarian passport - in addition to some other suspect items of questionable legality. 108.162.219.98 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

I think it would be an acceptable sacrifice of randomness in purchases to put a few "forbidden" key words in your purchase-bot's programming. -Pennpenn 108.162.250.162 04:22, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

I am totally signing up for Bobcat in a Box! :D --JayRulesXKCD ^{what's up?} 18:40, 10 February 2017 (UTC)

where can I get this script

A: you can have this instead B:don't know but there is a good fanfiction about this: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13249443/1/I-Am-A-Bobcat Overlord of oddities (talk) 23:02, 21 May 2020 (UTC)