701: Science Valentine
Title text: You don't use science to show that you're right, you use science to become right.
Cueball is trying to explain his love using science for a valentine card. His attempts to analyze his feelings with charts and graphs reveal to him that his happiness and romance with the recipient are declining, which presents him with a choice: Will he be a scientist and accept data that he doesn't like and publish it, or will he be romantic, and just make a cute card. He decides that he is a scientist, resulting in a sort of anti-valentine.
- I wanted to make you a science valentine
- with charts and graphs of my feelings for you.
- [A graph shows romance and happiness. Romance cuts off, :indicating a breakup before the meeting of the narrator and his current SO, and happiness dips accordingly.
- A line indicates where the couple first met; romance is jagged thereafter, initially upwards but later down.
- Happiness climbs slightly more steadily and then dips again.
- More lines indicate a period of dating and then one of engagement.]
- and the happiness you've brought me.
- But the more I analyzed
- [The narrator works at a computer]
- r_0 = 0.20
- r_1 = -0.61
- r_2 = -0.83
- the harder it became to defend my hypothesis.
- In science, you can't publish results you know are wrong
- and you can't withhold them because they're not the ones you wanted.
- So I was left with a question: do I make graphs because they're cute and funny,
- [The narrator sits, looking at a sheet of paper.]
- or am I a *scientist*?
- Enclosed are my results.
- I hope you can find somebody else
- [A jagged, declining graph is superimposed over a red heart.]
- to be your valentine.
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