explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

2458: Bubble Wrap

2021-05-04T09:11:06Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */ Though some might enjoy the pure sound, 'recorded'/ampled bubble-pops being replayed don't do the same thing. At least part of it is the touch/release of the plastic.

{{comic
| number = 2458
| date = May 3, 2021
| title = Bubble Wrap
| image = bubble_wrap.png
| titletext = I think of myself as the David Attenborough of factory mailing equipment.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a DAVID ATTENBOROUGH OF FACTORY MAILING EQUIPMENT. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
{{w|Bubble wrap}} is packing material made by melting two sheets of plastic together with little pockets of air (the "bubbles") spread throughout the surface. It is wrapped around fragile items for moving or shipping because the air pockets act as a cushion if the item(s) within are struck or shook. Many people enjoy popping bubble wrap as a mindless hobby, perhaps due to the tactile and other sensations of each bubble makes as it bursts.

The premise behind this comic is that the air inside each bubble comes from the factory where it was made, and thus as each bubble is popped that air - along with anything in it - is released. If one had a very sensitive sense of smell, one could detect unique odors present in the factory at the time not present where you are popping the bubble wrap. The comic has Cueball smelling {{w|WD-40}} (a penetrating oil likely to be found where machines are running), diesel fumes (likely found where trucks drop off supplies or pick up product) and what he thinks is sea air, causing him to muse that the factory is by the ocean.

In reality, the air inside most factories is much like the air anywhere else. This is particularly true for modern factories which are much cleaner than the popular conception of a dirty, smelly factory from early in the days of industrialization. One would be unlikely to distinctly smell WD-40 or diesel fumes standing in such a factory unless it was right after or right near they were used. It would be even less likely to them smell them when the minuscule amounts of air in the bubbles was then diluted in the larger amount of air surrounding you when they are popped. Furthermore, although the comic suggests popping the bubbles gives one a "tour" of the factory, in fact all of the air added to the bubbles would only come from the machine where the wrap is made. It would be even less likely to pick up smells from other parts of the factory such as diesel fumes from the loading docks, since air is not added to bubble wrap there.

Although this scenario is unlikely given human olfactory ability, scientists with very sensitive equipment have done essentially this with ice cores. As ice is laid down in places such as the Greenland or Antarctic ice sheets, it traps small bubbles from the atmosphere at the time within it. As long as the ice remains frozen, those bubbles remain trapped and do not interact with the current atmosphere, preserving a record of the chemical composition of the air in the past. There have been many scientific expeditions to drill ice cores and then melt pieces of them in a laboratory where special equipment can analyze the ancient air as it is released to study the quantity of oxygen and CO2 within in. The deeper the core is drilled, the farther in the past the sample.

The title text references {{w|David Attenborough}}, who is famous for having narrated many influential documentaries for the BBC about life on earth. He is renowned for having brought science into the homes of tens of millions. The title text humorously suggests that Cueball's "narration" about what he smells in the bubble wrap is as important and distinguished as Attenborough's award winning work.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
:[Cueball is standing and holding bubble wrap.]
:Cueball: Hmm...
:Cueball: WD-40, diesel fumes...
:Cueball: And is that sea air? I guess they're near the ocean.
:Bubble wrap: ''POP''
:[Caption below the panel:]
:If your sense of smell is good enough, popping bubble wrap gives you a tour of a bubble wrap factory.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]

Talk:2457: After the Pandemic

2021-05-01T02:03:34Z

141.101.107.78:

Other benefits of normalizing wearing masks: keeping warmer in the winter; protecting face from sun; reducing breathing of smoke and fine particulates; potentially reduce value of facial matching in face of ubiquitous surveillance. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.105.124|141.101.105.124]] 18:04, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
:Between our rapidly deteriorating air quality (check out how much of the dust we breathe is from plastic clothing fibers); ubiquitous tracking by an increasing number of increasingly untrusted groups (not that we can evade that with masks, only make it more error prone); & just the fact that we still interact with thousands who then interact with ''other'' thousands on a scale impossible only two centuries ago, making transmissible disease spread almost a certainty; ... I'd strongly prefer that ''everyone'' who can, wear a mask in any shared public space.
:Awkward, uncomfortable, & socially inconvenient? Yes. ''Better than an endless procession of mid-level epidemics, & a population with initially minor but alarmingly widespread respiratory & cardiac issues which progressively worsen?'' (again, look at air quality since 1999) ''Also yes.''
:If we're entering a crowded space, please just ''wear the masks, people.'' Now & always.
:Might as well get used to it, because within this generation, we're all going to need masks to breathe normally, anyway; & I'm not exaggerating even a little.
:[[User:ProphetZarquon|ProphetZarquon]] ([[User talk:ProphetZarquon|talk]]) 19:25, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
:Mask wearing was already super common in Asia before the pandemic because of this. I'm hoping it gets more common here in the US too [[User:Opalmagpie|Opalmagpie]] ([[User talk:Opalmagpie|talk]]) 20:53, 30 April 2021 (UTC)

@Randall, we get it, you worry about COVID. Really, we get it.
:Right? It's like the comedians who all went 99% political during the last few years: Even if I agree completely, it isn't as funny after the 24th time you make a joke about it.
:[[User:ProphetZarquon|ProphetZarquon]] ([[User talk:ProphetZarquon|talk]]) 19:25, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
::Good luck telling Randall what to do. I doubt he reads this website anyways. [[Special:Contributions/172.69.34.56|172.69.34.56]] 01:30, 1 May 2021 (UTC)

Maybe another thing that will become common is self-quarantining when you're sick. You don't need to wear a mask if you don't go out. And now that we've learned that it's possible to work from home in many professions, you don't need to go into the office when you're contagious. [[User:Barmar|Barmar]] ([[User talk:Barmar|talk]]) 21:47, 30 April 2021 (UTC)

"[...] wear a mask when they are sick, as is common in many East Asian countries" - This true? Prior to the pandemic, E.Asian students (my most frequent contact with this ethnic group, who are not actual nth-generation habituated/assimilated and so never had the then vestigial mask-wearing tendency) could be observed wearing masks around the nearby University city mostly in September, dropping off in frequency once they seemed to realise that the air was not anything as ''polluted'' as back home, not for fear of disease. Or so I gathered from what conversations I heard about it. (The most egregious example of this was witnessing an individual leaning against an alley-wall, mask shifted away from his mouth so he could 'safely' ''smoke''... Avoiding the barely notable car-fumes in order to directly inhale death-stick fumes.) Now, I've not had enough post-outbreak experience of such imported attitudes to masks, but I still feel that those who are not openly sick ''of'' masks, in the open air, are probably wearing them regardless of personal illness. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 02:03, 1 May 2021 (UTC)

== Enough with the COVID comics ==

I mean, seriously, if this is all XKCD has become, then it's time to move on. To help emphasize that point, I feel a new topic is in order.

Please post all your COVID-comic-hating comments here.

2456: Types of Scientific Paper

2021-04-30T11:54:20Z

141.101.107.78: /* Table of papers */ oops - put it in the wrong column

{{comic
| number = 2456
| date = April 28, 2021
| title = Types of Scientific Paper
| image = types_of_scientific_paper.png
| titletext = Others include "We've incrementally improved the estimate of this coefficient," "Maybe all these categories are wrong," and "We found a way to make student volunteers worse at tasks."
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a RESEARCH DEPARTMENT ON A LUNCHBREAK. The explanation is one line of text and a table, the table's third row has empty cells, and the whole thing is generally in need of a little polish. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
In this comic, Randall describes categories of scientific papers with somewhat humorous generalized titles.

==Table of papers==
{| class="wikitable"
|+Breakdown of Papers
|-
!Paper Title
!Explanation
!Article Description
|-
!scope=row|We put a camera somewhere new
|This may involve miniaturisation or other improvements of imaging sensors, power supply, transmission or retention of data, environmental hardening and (possibly) recovery afterwards. Photographs and videos can be especially helpful in understanding what is or was going on, especially for the layman, than more limited signal traces.

Cameras have been inserted into ''every'' obvious bodily orifice (including swallowed, to be later excreted), placed in habitats to monitor wildlife, attached to wildlife to monitor habitats, sent into volcanic craters/ocean trenches/high altitudes/nuclear reactors, launched into space and sent past/round/onto several of the solar-system's more interesting bodies. This makes the "somewhere new" claim intriguing, possibly even comparable to 'clickbait'. This could also be generalized even more by replacing "camera" with "sensor", and then going to debate the newly derived sensor data.
|Includes a large figure, likely an image captured with the camera.
|-
!scope=row|Hey, I found a trove of old records! They don't turn out to be particularly useful, but still, cool!
|Rather than starting with the aim of investigating some question, and finding some way of answering it by uncovering evidence, sometimes a writer may have stumbled upon a cache of historic documents that they then feel compelled to justify the resulting 'WikiWalk' they may have found themselves sucked into. The author may be far more excited about this than any future reader. This could also be a paper by a historian who found out ancient records which could be useful.
|Small figure may show the most interesting fragment of the records.
|-
!scope=row|My colleague is wrong and I can finally prove it
|This title refers to the occasional rivalries between scientists within a field, which can push them to seek proof that they, and not their colleague, are correct. It reflects a tone of smug self-satisfaction.
|
|-
!scope=row|The immune system is at it again
|The human immune system is notoriously complex, and there are countless papers in medical fields just describing its strangeness. While it is best known for preventing and battling infections, in auto-immune disease, it can also turn against the body that it is supposed to protect. Moreover it can overreact, for instance in allergic reactions or in a potentially lethal {{w|cytokine storm}} known to occur in certain viral infections, including {{w|Influenza}} and {{w|COVID-19}}. The title may convey exasperation with the amorphous nature of their study subject.
|
|-
!scope=row|We figured out how to make this exotic material, so email us if you need some
|Researchers often attempt to create materials despite there not being any demand, predicting that in the future their material will be game-changing without any actual applications. These researchers have created such a material, and are offering to produce it for anyone who needs it. It is couched in terms of having created an answer for which there was not yet any proper question.
This may be also referring to the discovering/creating of elements and subatomic particles. The statement if you wish to buy it is humorous in these cases because they will decay too quickly to be purchased.
|
|-
!scope=row|What are fish even doing down there
|Deep sea marine biology regularly discovers [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7QXdlSBGGY strange lifeforms] in unexpected places, and theories explaining deep sea ecosystems are regularly confounded by new data.

Scientists may also bump into marine organisms when looking for something else. For example, one planned underwater neutrino detector [https://www.nature.com/articles/srep44938 picked up bioluminescence instead].

Whichever way, the title probably reflects a totally unexpected result that is possibly too cross-disciplinary to be properly comprehended as an actual scientific advance by the authors. However, a proper study of the species could very well be an important paper.
|This paper does not appear to have any headers, implying a longer, free-flowing format.
|-
!scope=row|This task I had to do anyway turned out to be hard enough for its own paper
|There is a huge variety in the complexity and importance of subjects studied in scientific papers, and often some supposedly easy task will be sufficiently complicated as to merit its own paper. For example, a scientist may have discovered a better way of finding out if a substance is X or Y while studying something else.

The author may be glad to have been able to turn mundane 'housekeeping' activities, that don't normally do much to enhance academic reputations, into an actual opportunity to be cite-worthy.
|
|-
!scope=row|Hey, at least we showed that this method can produce results! That's not nothing, right?
|One of the struggles of the scientific method is that many experiments will not produce the results scientists desired or expected. Negative or conflicting results of well-conducted research are as important as positive or dramatic ones, but are often ignored in favor of more novel findings. As a result, some journals are established specifically for negative results, reducing the bias towards only positive claims that may actually be outliers or anomalies.

In this case, the authors may otherwise have worked on their problem and been left with no citable proof of their efforts. The title perhaps reflects an attempt to present this as 'success' of a different kind, rather than a submission to such a null/negative-results platform. This may be similar to the above type of paper too.
|
|-
!scope=row|Check out this weird thing one of us saw while out for a walk
|This paper may be imagined as an opportunistic publication. A department or team has seen itself low down on the local 'league table' for academic output. A brainstorming session for a way of rectifying this led to desperately seizing upon the first idle comment made (in lieu of any better sounding ideas) that can somehow be shoehorned into their respective subject area, and is now being presented similar to "this one weird thing" clickbait titles that almost always oversell their content.

This also works in the context of entomology. Insects have the most species of any class of animals [https://www.si.edu/spotlight/buginfo/bugnos by a wide margin], but due to their small size, they're not easily seen. As a result, new species are constantly being discovered in places as innocuous as [https://wildlife.org/video-entomologists-discover-30-new-species-in-la-backyards/ someone's backyard.]

It also works in botany, especially floristics. Papers of first records of alien plants refer to weird things botanists saw on walks. I'm mentioned in one paper because one of the three known sites for a plant in Britain was spotted by me on a walk. There's also the plant I spotted that a national expert thinks is a hybrid new to science, which might well turn into a paper. Vagrant birds, unusual animal behaviour and strange meteorological phenomena are other subcategories. |Includes several large figures, likely close-up photographs of the weird thing. There are no headers, as the paper may have little background or methodology, just observations.
[[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 11:52, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
|-
!scope=row|We are 500 scientists and here's what we've been up to for the last 10 years
| Some papers summarize the work of big research teams, like those working on the [https://repositorio.uc.cl/xmlui/bitstream/handle/11534/13948/Observation%20of%20a%20new%20particle%20in%20the%20search%20for%20the%20Standard%20Model%20Higgs%20boson%20with%20the%20ATLAS%20detector%20at%20the%20LHC.pdf Higgs Boson] (list of authors starts at page 17 and goes to page 26 with foot notes about authors to page 29, and a dedication in the header would suggest that more than one other contributor ''died'' over the course of the research, which would be rather unusual for a smaller project) or LIGO. Since the discoveries which are made are a team effort, probably outlasting many of the individual tenures involved, the papers have many authors listed.
A credit for participation may not mean any particularly great contribution by each individual, but being left out (even for one summer's secondment, seven years before any results could be recorded) would be taken as a slight, and an opportunity missed to be 'citable' in the future.
|A huge portion of the page is taken up by the presumably 500 authors' names, above the main horizontal bar.
|-
!scope=row|Some thoughts on how everyone else is bad at research
|Similar to the "my colleague is wrong" paper, but in this case applied to far greater swathes of the community by the author(s) of this (possibly unfocussed) tract. Usually a "systematic review", the words 'some thoughts' might indicate a meta-approach with no original research - and possibly a passive-aggressive style of assessment.
|No header sections, possibly because these particular thoughts are in the form of an essay or letter without an accompanying investigation. Formatting this article as a single column with large blocks of text could also be indicating a slightly unhinged rant by someone who - wrongly - perceives themselves as unjustly marginalised.
|-
!scope=row|We scanned some undergraduates
|Initial research is often done at universities, so when human subjects are required, recruiting undergraduate students is a common, easy, and inexpensive way to gather enough people to conduct studies or experiments. This is extremely common in psychological or sociological studies, but can involve more medical (but non-invasive) 'scans', from simple eyeball-tracking to full-body MRI. This practice is often criticized, as it introduces a selection bias, which makes the results difficult to generalize to the entire population, (university students in a given country not being a representative sample of human beings as a whole). Nonetheless, easy accessibility makes these students a source of data for many academic papers. The low-key approach to the title (concentrating blandly upon the method with no references to results) may indicate that the results obtained are very trivial and no great developments were even made in implementation. Alternately, this is a truly ground-breaking paper obscured entirely by the lead author's over-narrow professional focus and avoidance of any hype.
|
|-
!scope=row|We've incrementally improved the estimate of this coefficient
|Often scientific research, e.g. in cosmology or physics, will work with an assumed constant value that is known to be only an 'educated guess' of the actual definite value, or an inclusive range. However accurate/certain this is, further experimentation or observation may further narrow down the uncertainty involved to a statistically significant degree. An improvement to one of these constants also improves the accuracy of every single calculation that uses it.

Even if these improvements may seem trivial to those outside the discipline (e.g. narrowing down a seemingly esoteric value from 99.99% certainty to 99.995% certainty), they are probably understood as significant achievements by those aware of the effort needed to obtain such diminishing returns, and the authors are probably very excited to have done what they did.

Another possible interpretation of this title is that it refers not to cosmological constants but to an exponent in algorithmic complexity, for example the [https://arxiv.org/abs/1401.7714 2014 paper] that proved that the complexity of matrix multiplication is at most n^2.3728639 in place of the previous upper bound n^2.3729.
|rowspan="3"|(Only referenced in Title Text)
|-
!scope=row|Maybe all these categories are wrong
|In some field that relies heavily upon classification (e.g. phylogenetic biology, or the Standard Model in physics) sometimes observations arise that cast doubt on the previously established ideas. It seems that this may have happened here, hopefully with a suggestion of how to reimagine the situation.

The article may have been written with with a sense of euphoria (the chance to present a paradigm shift in thinking, to rewrite the textbooks) or pessimism (it demonstrates only the failings in current thinking, without any obvious solution).

Alternatively, it may be a reference to the categories of papers that this comic proposes.
|-
!scope=row|We found a way to make student volunteers worse at tasks
|Possibly a psychology experiment, and maybe not even the result expected. In general, the repetition of an activity will induce greater skill/capacity in a tested individual. By accident or design, the study group in this instance has induced the opposite correlation. (There ''are'', however, some studies that explicitly look at how e.g. lack of sleep reduces productivity.)

Exactly what emotion the title reflects might depend upon whether the worsening was an intended result, or even how the team were able to refocus and seize upon the adverse outcomes.
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Could need description of each paper}}
:[Heading:]
:Types of Scientific Paper

:[An array of 4 rows with 3 scientific papers each, is shown. The first page of each is shown, but only the papers titles are legible. Black lines for headings, several lines for paragraphs of text and white rectangles indicating figures are used to make each paper look different. Titles are as follows:]
:We put a camera somewhere new
:Hey, I found a trove of old records! They don't turn out to be particularly useful, but still, cool!
:My colleague is wrong and I can finally prove it
:The immune system is at it again
:We figured out how to make this exotic material, so email us if you need some
:What are fish even doing down there
:This task I had to do anyway turned out to be hard enough for its own paper
:Hey, at least we showed that this method can produce results! That's not nothing, right?
:Check out this weird thing one of us saw while out for a walk
:We are 500 scientists and here's what we've been up to for the last 10 years
:Some thoughts on how everyone else is bad at research
:We scanned some undergraduates

==Trivia==
*Originally, this comic's title text misspelled "volunteers" as "volunters".
**This could have been intentional (''we'' might be the volunteers)
**But it was not as it was quickly corrected.
*Another comic, [[2012: Thorough Analysis]], similarly categorizes or mocks research papers.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Research Papers]]
[[Category:Science]]

2456: Types of Scientific Paper

2021-04-30T11:52:37Z

141.101.107.78: elaboration

{{comic
| number = 2456
| date = April 28, 2021
| title = Types of Scientific Paper
| image = types_of_scientific_paper.png
| titletext = Others include "We've incrementally improved the estimate of this coefficient," "Maybe all these categories are wrong," and "We found a way to make student volunteers worse at tasks."
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a RESEARCH DEPARTMENT ON A LUNCHBREAK. The explanation is one line of text and a table, the table's third row has empty cells, and the whole thing is generally in need of a little polish. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
In this comic, Randall describes categories of scientific papers with somewhat humorous generalized titles.

==Table of papers==
{| class="wikitable"
|+Breakdown of Papers
|-
!Paper Title
!Explanation
!Article Description
|-
!scope=row|We put a camera somewhere new
|This may involve miniaturisation or other improvements of imaging sensors, power supply, transmission or retention of data, environmental hardening and (possibly) recovery afterwards. Photographs and videos can be especially helpful in understanding what is or was going on, especially for the layman, than more limited signal traces.

Cameras have been inserted into ''every'' obvious bodily orifice (including swallowed, to be later excreted), placed in habitats to monitor wildlife, attached to wildlife to monitor habitats, sent into volcanic craters/ocean trenches/high altitudes/nuclear reactors, launched into space and sent past/round/onto several of the solar-system's more interesting bodies. This makes the "somewhere new" claim intriguing, possibly even comparable to 'clickbait'. This could also be generalized even more by replacing "camera" with "sensor", and then going to debate the newly derived sensor data.
|Includes a large figure, likely an image captured with the camera.
|-
!scope=row|Hey, I found a trove of old records! They don't turn out to be particularly useful, but still, cool!
|Rather than starting with the aim of investigating some question, and finding some way of answering it by uncovering evidence, sometimes a writer may have stumbled upon a cache of historic documents that they then feel compelled to justify the resulting 'WikiWalk' they may have found themselves sucked into. The author may be far more excited about this than any future reader. This could also be a paper by a historian who found out ancient records which could be useful.
|Small figure may show the most interesting fragment of the records.
|-
!scope=row|My colleague is wrong and I can finally prove it
|This title refers to the occasional rivalries between scientists within a field, which can push them to seek proof that they, and not their colleague, are correct. It reflects a tone of smug self-satisfaction.
|
|-
!scope=row|The immune system is at it again
|The human immune system is notoriously complex, and there are countless papers in medical fields just describing its strangeness. While it is best known for preventing and battling infections, in auto-immune disease, it can also turn against the body that it is supposed to protect. Moreover it can overreact, for instance in allergic reactions or in a potentially lethal {{w|cytokine storm}} known to occur in certain viral infections, including {{w|Influenza}} and {{w|COVID-19}}. The title may convey exasperation with the amorphous nature of their study subject.
|
|-
!scope=row|We figured out how to make this exotic material, so email us if you need some
|Researchers often attempt to create materials despite there not being any demand, predicting that in the future their material will be game-changing without any actual applications. These researchers have created such a material, and are offering to produce it for anyone who needs it. It is couched in terms of having created an answer for which there was not yet any proper question.
This may be also referring to the discovering/creating of elements and subatomic particles. The statement if you wish to buy it is humorous in these cases because they will decay too quickly to be purchased.
|
|-
!scope=row|What are fish even doing down there
|Deep sea marine biology regularly discovers [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7QXdlSBGGY strange lifeforms] in unexpected places, and theories explaining deep sea ecosystems are regularly confounded by new data.

Scientists may also bump into marine organisms when looking for something else. For example, one planned underwater neutrino detector [https://www.nature.com/articles/srep44938 picked up bioluminescence instead].

Whichever way, the title probably reflects a totally unexpected result that is possibly too cross-disciplinary to be properly comprehended as an actual scientific advance by the authors. However, a proper study of the species could very well be an important paper.
|This paper does not appear to have any headers, implying a longer, free-flowing format.
|-
!scope=row|This task I had to do anyway turned out to be hard enough for its own paper
|There is a huge variety in the complexity and importance of subjects studied in scientific papers, and often some supposedly easy task will be sufficiently complicated as to merit its own paper. For example, a scientist may have discovered a better way of finding out if a substance is X or Y while studying something else.

The author may be glad to have been able to turn mundane 'housekeeping' activities, that don't normally do much to enhance academic reputations, into an actual opportunity to be cite-worthy.
|
|-
!scope=row|Hey, at least we showed that this method can produce results! That's not nothing, right?
|One of the struggles of the scientific method is that many experiments will not produce the results scientists desired or expected. Negative or conflicting results of well-conducted research are as important as positive or dramatic ones, but are often ignored in favor of more novel findings. As a result, some journals are established specifically for negative results, reducing the bias towards only positive claims that may actually be outliers or anomalies.

In this case, the authors may otherwise have worked on their problem and been left with no citable proof of their efforts. The title perhaps reflects an attempt to present this as 'success' of a different kind, rather than a submission to such a null/negative-results platform. This may be similar to the above type of paper too.
|
|-
!scope=row|Check out this weird thing one of us saw while out for a walk
|This paper may be imagined as an opportunistic publication. A department or team has seen itself low down on the local 'league table' for academic output. A brainstorming session for a way of rectifying this led to desperately seizing upon the first idle comment made (in lieu of any better sounding ideas) that can somehow be shoehorned into their respective subject area, and is now being presented similar to "this one weird thing" clickbait titles that almost always oversell their content.

This also works in the context of entomology. Insects have the most species of any class of animals [https://www.si.edu/spotlight/buginfo/bugnos by a wide margin], but due to their small size, they're not easily seen. As a result, new species are constantly being discovered in places as innocuous as [https://wildlife.org/video-entomologists-discover-30-new-species-in-la-backyards/ someone's backyard.]
|Includes several large figures, likely close-up photographs of the weird thing. There are no headers, as the paper may have little background or methodology, just observations.

It also works in botany, especially floristics. Papers of first records of alien plants refer to weird things botanists saw on walks. I'm mentioned in one paper because one of the three known sites for a plant in Britain was spotted by me on a walk. There's also the plant I spotted that a national expert thinks is a hybrid new to science, which might well turn into a paper. Vagrant birds, unusual animal behaviour and strange meteorological phenomena are other subcategories. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 11:52, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
|-
!scope=row|We are 500 scientists and here's what we've been up to for the last 10 years
| Some papers summarize the work of big research teams, like those working on the [https://repositorio.uc.cl/xmlui/bitstream/handle/11534/13948/Observation%20of%20a%20new%20particle%20in%20the%20search%20for%20the%20Standard%20Model%20Higgs%20boson%20with%20the%20ATLAS%20detector%20at%20the%20LHC.pdf Higgs Boson] (list of authors starts at page 17 and goes to page 26 with foot notes about authors to page 29, and a dedication in the header would suggest that more than one other contributor ''died'' over the course of the research, which would be rather unusual for a smaller project) or LIGO. Since the discoveries which are made are a team effort, probably outlasting many of the individual tenures involved, the papers have many authors listed.
A credit for participation may not mean any particularly great contribution by each individual, but being left out (even for one summer's secondment, seven years before any results could be recorded) would be taken as a slight, and an opportunity missed to be 'citable' in the future.
|A huge portion of the page is taken up by the presumably 500 authors' names, above the main horizontal bar.
|-
!scope=row|Some thoughts on how everyone else is bad at research
|Similar to the "my colleague is wrong" paper, but in this case applied to far greater swathes of the community by the author(s) of this (possibly unfocussed) tract. Usually a "systematic review", the words 'some thoughts' might indicate a meta-approach with no original research - and possibly a passive-aggressive style of assessment.
|No header sections, possibly because these particular thoughts are in the form of an essay or letter without an accompanying investigation. Formatting this article as a single column with large blocks of text could also be indicating a slightly unhinged rant by someone who - wrongly - perceives themselves as unjustly marginalised.
|-
!scope=row|We scanned some undergraduates
|Initial research is often done at universities, so when human subjects are required, recruiting undergraduate students is a common, easy, and inexpensive way to gather enough people to conduct studies or experiments. This is extremely common in psychological or sociological studies, but can involve more medical (but non-invasive) 'scans', from simple eyeball-tracking to full-body MRI. This practice is often criticized, as it introduces a selection bias, which makes the results difficult to generalize to the entire population, (university students in a given country not being a representative sample of human beings as a whole). Nonetheless, easy accessibility makes these students a source of data for many academic papers. The low-key approach to the title (concentrating blandly upon the method with no references to results) may indicate that the results obtained are very trivial and no great developments were even made in implementation. Alternately, this is a truly ground-breaking paper obscured entirely by the lead author's over-narrow professional focus and avoidance of any hype.
|
|-
!scope=row|We've incrementally improved the estimate of this coefficient
|Often scientific research, e.g. in cosmology or physics, will work with an assumed constant value that is known to be only an 'educated guess' of the actual definite value, or an inclusive range. However accurate/certain this is, further experimentation or observation may further narrow down the uncertainty involved to a statistically significant degree. An improvement to one of these constants also improves the accuracy of every single calculation that uses it.

Even if these improvements may seem trivial to those outside the discipline (e.g. narrowing down a seemingly esoteric value from 99.99% certainty to 99.995% certainty), they are probably understood as significant achievements by those aware of the effort needed to obtain such diminishing returns, and the authors are probably very excited to have done what they did.

Another possible interpretation of this title is that it refers not to cosmological constants but to an exponent in algorithmic complexity, for example the [https://arxiv.org/abs/1401.7714 2014 paper] that proved that the complexity of matrix multiplication is at most n^2.3728639 in place of the previous upper bound n^2.3729.
|rowspan="3"|(Only referenced in Title Text)
|-
!scope=row|Maybe all these categories are wrong
|In some field that relies heavily upon classification (e.g. phylogenetic biology, or the Standard Model in physics) sometimes observations arise that cast doubt on the previously established ideas. It seems that this may have happened here, hopefully with a suggestion of how to reimagine the situation.

The article may have been written with with a sense of euphoria (the chance to present a paradigm shift in thinking, to rewrite the textbooks) or pessimism (it demonstrates only the failings in current thinking, without any obvious solution).

Alternatively, it may be a reference to the categories of papers that this comic proposes.
|-
!scope=row|We found a way to make student volunteers worse at tasks
|Possibly a psychology experiment, and maybe not even the result expected. In general, the repetition of an activity will induce greater skill/capacity in a tested individual. By accident or design, the study group in this instance has induced the opposite correlation. (There ''are'', however, some studies that explicitly look at how e.g. lack of sleep reduces productivity.)

Exactly what emotion the title reflects might depend upon whether the worsening was an intended result, or even how the team were able to refocus and seize upon the adverse outcomes.
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Could need description of each paper}}
:[Heading:]
:Types of Scientific Paper

:[An array of 4 rows with 3 scientific papers each, is shown. The first page of each is shown, but only the papers titles are legible. Black lines for headings, several lines for paragraphs of text and white rectangles indicating figures are used to make each paper look different. Titles are as follows:]
:We put a camera somewhere new
:Hey, I found a trove of old records! They don't turn out to be particularly useful, but still, cool!
:My colleague is wrong and I can finally prove it
:The immune system is at it again
:We figured out how to make this exotic material, so email us if you need some
:What are fish even doing down there
:This task I had to do anyway turned out to be hard enough for its own paper
:Hey, at least we showed that this method can produce results! That's not nothing, right?
:Check out this weird thing one of us saw while out for a walk
:We are 500 scientists and here's what we've been up to for the last 10 years
:Some thoughts on how everyone else is bad at research
:We scanned some undergraduates

==Trivia==
*Originally, this comic's title text misspelled "volunteers" as "volunters".
**This could have been intentional (''we'' might be the volunteers)
**But it was not as it was quickly corrected.
*Another comic, [[2012: Thorough Analysis]], similarly categorizes or mocks research papers.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Research Papers]]
[[Category:Science]]

Talk:2456: Types of Scientific Paper

2021-04-30T11:35:42Z

141.101.107.78: comment

I've a feeling we could find actual papers that paraphrase down to those in the comic. Also, lol at the 500 scientists' "citation" section. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.159.104|162.158.159.104]] 20:36, 28 April 2021 (UTC)

As we edit this we should probably pay attention to the content / layout of the article images: The number of lines beneath the title and layout of each "paper" he's drawn could be relevant to the joke. For example, the "500 scientists" presumably have a massive authors list, and the one on how "everyone else is doing it wrong" has a single author and a particularly "article-esque" layout.

[[Special:Contributions/172.68.132.45|172.68.132.45]] 21:04, 28 April 2021 (UTC)

:True. Do you think we should add another column describing the pictured paper to the explanation chart?
[[User:Reywas|Reywas]] ([[User talk:Reywas|talk]]) 21:06, 28 April 2021 (UTC)

For the "student volunteers" paper, many experiments involve adding hurdles for the participants to deal with. Like interrupting them, depriving them of sleep, adding distracting information, etc. It's not uncommon that these make them worse at the tasks. So this is just another research paper like that. [[User:Barmar|Barmar]] ([[User talk:Barmar|talk]]) 01:24, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

:Isn't the 'hurdles' style of paper WAY more common than the proposed psychological experiment? It's describing a simple tasks cognitive function test. They run those all the time to prove the effects of oxygen, caffeine, sleep, sugar, music, trauma, comfortable chairs, the color yellow, etc. I can't recall seeing ANY paper like the suggested psychology experiment to make people unlearn skills, let alone enough for that to be a whole category.

Nobody has pointed out that the "Maybe all these categories are wrong" title directly pertains to this very comic... [[User:John.Adriaan|John.Adriaan]] ([[User talk:John.Adriaan|talk]]) 02:17, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

:I think that’s the more likely ‘correct’ interpretation, honestly. Maybe we should add more detail now that it’s mentioned? [[User:Tague|Tague]] ([[User talk:Tague|talk]]) 12:56, 29 April 2021 (UTC)
:At the least the list of categories is incomplete. The broader question is whether there are concentrations of papers in some areas of feature space (a subjectively plausible conclusion - I could offer some examples from botany such as "we compared the performance of several cultivars of a crop species under specific conditions") or do papers fall into a relatively flat continuum in that space. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 11:35, 30 April 2021 (UTC)

Should we add another colum to include the corresponding LaTeX template? Some of them seem like that could easily be found.

These are titles of papers, so shouldn't each word be capitalized? For example: "We Put a Camera Somewhere New". I realize that the original is in all caps, but that's because that's the usual format for comics . . . . [[Special:Contributions/172.68.57.179|172.68.57.179]] 10:45, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

:Paper titles are usually not capitalized, contrary to journal names. You can see an example at the [https://repositorio.uc.cl/xmlui/bitstream/handle/11534/13948/Observation%20of%20a%20new%20particle%20in%20the%20search%20for%20the%20Standard%20Model%20Higgs%20boson%20with%20the%20ATLAS%20detector%20at%20the%20LHC.pdf Higgs Boson] paper cited in the comic description (there are, of course, others.) [[Special:Contributions/141.101.105.134|141.101.105.134]] 11:32, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

Why does the explanation say "There are no headers" for the "We put a camera somewhere new" paper? I assume "headers" refers to "section headers", of which I see more in the camera-paper than in e.g. the immune system-paper (or the old records-paper). [[Special:Contributions/141.101.96.28|141.101.96.28]] 11:25, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

:Probably referring to the lack of actual legible ''text'' for us to comment on the content of the paper. [[User:Tague|Tague]] ([[User talk:Tague|talk]]) 12:49, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

:I feel that the assumption made in a lot of the table that the text in each Paper is meant to be their literal title, is wrong. It strikes me more as an humorous explanation of "what sort of paper this is" for instance the first paper would indicate that a relevant category of scientific papers are about a camera being put someplace new and the data/photo's gathered from that, rather than an example of "clickbait". The actual papers in that category would presumably have an actual name relating to where the camera was actually put. 14:29, 29 April 2021 (UTC)~

::I interpret them as a mix of "over-generalized" headlines and less-than-literal summaries of that general sort of paper's content. [[User:Tague|Tague]] ([[User talk:Tague|talk]]) 14:41, 29 April 2021 (UTC)
::I read (e.g., for starters) "We put a camera somewhere new" both as very true to the emotional spirit ''and'' a paraphrasing of the true archetype membership being referenced - such as something like "Rat-mounted cameras for remote surveying of sewer pipes" (if that's not already been done, which I suspect it has!), etc. I suspect there's a few "one weird thing"-inspired titles out there, influenced by modern 'headline' links (with or without self-awareness), and ''know'' there's a whole history of "my colleague is wrong!" papers, even if not in exactly that wording, pushing the author's own biases in a self-important ranting style, or a rambling one that's an unstructured manifesto of 'thoughts' about all prior 'experts' on a pet issue. There's some deconstruction involved, but with easy reconstruction back to reality. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.158.113|162.158.158.113]] 19:54, 29 April 2021 (UTC)

2456: Types of Scientific Paper

2021-04-28T22:37:35Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */ Try this?

2445: Checkbox

2021-04-23T18:04:12Z

141.101.107.78: /* Special Responses */

{{comic
| number = 2445
| date = April 1, 2021
| title = Checkbox
| image = checkbox.gif
| titletext = Check check check ... chhecck chhecck chhecck ... check check check
}}
{{TOC}}
*To experience the interactivity of this game, visit the {{xkcd|2445|original comic}}.
==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a CHECKBOX. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
This was the 11th [[:Category:April fools' comics|April fools' comic]] released by [[Randall]]. The previous fools comic was [[2288: Collector's Edition]], which was delayed two days and released on Friday April 3, 2020.

The comic looks similar to a loading screen. The actual comic (this “loading screen”) consists of a gif of a checkbox (hence the name).

The frame is replaced with an interactive panel. In the center is a check box, which clears itself immediately when checked. In the bottom right is a mute button, which begins muted. By unmuting, sounds are played when the check box is checked.

Under the checkbox is a scrolling visual representation of the timing and duration of clicks in the check box, which also produce matching beeping sounds when unmuted. The representation consists of a dot for a short press, or a bar for a longer press. All long presses are represented by a bar of a pre-determined length; in other words, a longer press does not result in a longer bar.

By varying between brief and long presses, and brief and long intervals between presses, it is possible to enter characters in Morse Code.

The check box then begins operating by itself, producing sounds which can be decoded as Morse Code. These responses are also printed in the browser's JavaScript console in both plain text and a textual representation of Morse code. If left without any initial input for 30 seconds it would send the message CQ (meaning "Seek You").

The title text hints at the use of Morse Code in the comic; interpreting the "check" as a Morse Code dot and the "chhecck" (a long check) as a Morse Code dash gives ...---..., which is the Morse Code for "SOS", the international distress signal. Incidentally, inputting the SOS signal gives "YOU TOO?".

For the majority of inputs, the check box responds with a random selection from the following list:
* COME AGAIN
* HUH
* NOT FOLLOWING
* SAY AGAIN
* TRY THAT AGAIN
* WHAT

Some keywords, however, have [[#Special Responses´|special responses]].

This comic has a [[xkcd_Header_text#Unique_header_text|unique header text]], see [[xkcd_Header_text#Checkbox|the details here]]. The header states that "This comic was put together byMax Goodhart, Patrick, Amber, Benjamin Staffin, Kevin Cotrone, and Michael Leuchtenburg. Read Max's [https://chromakode.com/post/checkbox blog post] on development of the comic.

==Special Responses==
[.s are short presses, -s are long presses, and /s are spaces (just for readability)]

{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|XKCD -> FILE NOT FOUND
|[-..- -.- -.-. -..] -> [..-. .. .-.. . / -. --- - / ..-. --- ..- -. -..]
|
|-
|XKCD -> A CROSS THREE LETTERS
|[-..- -.- -.-. -..] -> [.- / -.-. .-. --- ... ... / - .... .-. . . / .-.. . - - . .-. ...]
|A pun on "across three letters", how clues are sometimes given in crossword puzzles. Instead, the word "xkcd" is literally a cross (x), followed by three letters (kcd).
|-
|HI -> HELLO! ANYBODY OUT THERE?
|[.... ..] -> [.... . .-.. .-.. --- -.-.-- / .- -. -.-- -... --- -.. -.-- / --- ..- - / - .... . .-. . ..--..]
|
|-
|HELLO -> HELLO TO YOU TOO!
|[.... . .-.. .-.. ---] -> [.... . .-.. .-.. --- / - --- / -.-- --- ..- / - --- --- -.-.--]
|
|-
|HELP -> ENTER IMAGE NUMBER
|[.... . .-.. .--.] -> [. -. - . .-. / .. -- .- --. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-.]
|See below; if you enter any number ≤ 2445 you will be linked to the corresponding xkcd comic.
|-
|HELP -> YES PLEASE
|[.... . .-.. .--.] -> [-.-- . ... / .--. .-.. . .- ... .]
|
|-
|ES -> QUE
|[. ...] -> [--.- ..- .]
|"Es" means "is" in Spanish, and "Qué" is "what".
|-
|WHAT -> ECHO
|[.-- .... .- -] -> [. -.-. .... ---]
|
|-
|ECHO -> ECHO
|[. -.-. .... ---] -> [. -.-. .... ---]
|
|-
|CHECK -> MATE
|[-.-. .... . -.-. -.-] -> [-- .- - .]
|
|-
|CHECKBOX -> RADIO BUTTON
|[-.-. .... . -.-. -.- -... --- -..-] -> [.-. .- -.. .. --- / -... ..- - - --- -.]
|This also works the other way around.
|-
|E (''repeat n times'') -> E (''repeat n times'')
|[.]
|This only applies for n < 7. Also, n=6 returns 'AAAAAA' instead.
|-
|T (''repeat n times'') -> T (''repeat n times'')
|[-]
|This only applies for n < 7.
|-
|E -> E ''pause'' I -> EIEIO
|[.] -> [.] ''pause'' [..] -> [. .. . .. ---]
|
|-
|I (''repeat n times'') -> I (''repeat n times'')
|[..] -> [..] ''or'' [.. ...-] (IV) ''or'' [...-] (V)
|This only applies for n < 4. n=4 returns 'IV' and n=5 returns 'V', the Roman numerals for 4 and 5, respectively.
|-
|FLIPCOIN -> HEADS ''or'' TAILS
|[..-. .-.. .. .--. -.-. --- .. -.] -> [.... . .- -.. ...] ''or'' [- .- .. .-.. ...]
|
|-
|LOOK AROUND -> NOT ENOUGH POWER
|[.-.. --- --- -.- / .- .-. --- ..- -. -..] -> [-. --- - / . -. --- ..- --. .... / .--. --- .-- . .-.]
|
|-
|SEE -> RED SOIL
|[... . .] -> [.-. . -.. / ... --- .. .-..]
|This indicates that Sojourner, the "operator" of the morse code, is on Mars. Mars is covered in red soil.
|-
|WHO ARE YOU ''or'' WHAT IS YOUR NAME -> SOJOURNER
|[.-- .... --- / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..-] ''or'' [.-- .... .- - / .. ... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -. .- -- .] -> [... --- .--- --- ..- .-. -. . .-.]
|
|-
|SOJOURNER -> CFM
|[... --- .--- --- ..- .-. -. . .-.] -> [-.-. ..-. --]
|CFM is short for confirm.
|-
|ET -> PHONE HOME
|[. -] -> [.--. .... --- -. . / .... --- -- .]
|This is a reference to the movie ET.
|-
|LS -> DID YOU MEAN DIR
|[.-.. ...] -> [-.. .. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / -- . .- -. / -.. .. .-.]
|These are both commands for viewing the files in a directory. LS is the traditional method in UNIX, whereas DIR is more associated with MS-DOS/Windows (although it also exists in UNIX).
|-
|DIR -> ENTER IMAGE NUMBER
|[-.. .. .-.] -> [. -. - . .-. / .. -- .- --. . / -. ..- -- -... . .-.]
|This references to the next input. DIR stands for directory.
|-
|(''any number ≤ 2445'') -> (''loads xkcd comic in new tab'')
|
|
|-
|MAKE ME A SANDWICH -> NOT A CHANCE
|[-- .- -.- . / -- . / .- / ... .- -. -.. .-- .. -.-. ....] -> [-. --- - / .- / -.-. .... .- -. -.-. .]
|A reference to [https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/149:_Sandwich this comic]
|-
|SUDO MAKE ME A SANDWICH -> NOT POSSIBLE HERE
|[... ..- -.. --- / -- .- -.- . / -- . / .- / ... .- -. -.. .-- .. -.-. ....] -> [-. --- - / .--. --- ... ... .. -... .-.. . / .... . .-. .]
|Another reference to [https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/149:_Sandwich this comic]
|-
|I LOVE YOU -> LESS THAN THREE
|[.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..-] -> [.-.. . ... ... / - .... .- -. / - .... .-. . .]
|"Less than three" represents the less than (<) symbol followed by the number three (3), which together form <3. This is commonly used to represent a heart.
|-
|<nowiki />:) -> :D
|[---... -.--.-] -> [---... -..]
|
|-
|<nowiki />:( -> :C
|[---... -.--.] -> [---... -.-.]
|
|-
|<nowiki />;) -> :O
|[-.-.-. -.--.-] -> [---... ---]
|
|-
|<nowiki />:O -> :X
|[---... ---] -> [---... -..-]
|
|-
|UWU -> OWO
|[..- .-- ..-] -> [--- .-- ---]
|
|-
|OWO -> UWU
|[--- .-- ---] -> [..- .-- ..-]
|
|-
|POG -> YEET
|[.--. --- --.] -> [-.-- . . -]
|
|-
|UNIX -> (''Opens [https://uni.xkcd.com uni.xkcd.com]'')
|[..- -. .. -..-]
|[https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/UniXKCD April Fools' Day in 2010]
|-
|GET YE FLASK -> YE WISH! IF THERE WAS A FLASK IN THIS GAME, WE'D KNOW ABOUT IT.
|[--. . - / -.-- . / ..-. .-.. .- ... -.-] -> [-.-- . / .-- .. ... .... -.-.-- / .. ..-. / - .... . .-. . / .-- .- ... / .- / ..-. .-.. .- ... -.- / .. -. / - .... .. ... / --. .- -- . --..-- / .-- . .----. -.. / -.- -. --- .-- / .- -... --- ..- - / .. - .-.-.-]
|
|-
|GET YE FLASK -> YOU CANNOT GET YE FLASK
|[--. . - / -.-- . / ..-. .-.. .- ... -.-] -> [-.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. -. --- - / --. . - / -.-- . / ..-. .-.. .- ... -.-]
|This response, as well as the previous one, are references to a recurring joke from {{w|Homestar Runner}}.
|-
|YO -> YO
|[-.-- ---] -> [-.-- ---]
|
|-
|DROP TABLE -> HAHA NO
|[.... .- .... .- / -. ---] -> [.... .- .... .- / -. ---]
| reference to [https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/327:_Exploits_of_a_Mom this comic]
|-
|WHY -> TO STUDY THE RED PLANET
|[.-- .... -.--] -> [- --- / ... - ..- -.. -.-- / - .... . / .-. . -.. / .--. .-.. .- -. . -]
|
|-
|EAT -> I PHOTOSYNTHESIZE
|[. .- -] -> [.. / .--. .... --- - --- ... -.-- -. - .... . ... .. --.. .]
|
|-
|BATTLE ''or'' FIGHT -> THROW
|[-... .- - - .-.. .] ''or'' [..-. .. --. .... -] -> [- .... .-. --- .--]
|
|-
|START -> DID YOU MEAN START GAME?
|[... - .- .-. -] -> [-.. .. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / -- . .- -. / ... - .- .-. - / --. .- -- . ..--..]
|
|-
|STARTGAME -> CHECK BACK LATER
|[... - .- .-. - --. .- -- .] -> [-.-. .... . -.-. -.- / -... .- -.-. -.- / .-.. .- - . .-.]
|
|}
===Controls===

{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|QUIET -> (turns the volume off)
|[--.- ..- .. . -]
|
|-
|MUTE -> (turns the volume off)
|[-- ..- - .]
|
|-
|BEEP -> (turns the volume on)
|[-... . . .--.]
|
|}
See also QRS and QRQ.

===Q codes and radio shorthand===
An explanation of Q codes can be found {{w|Q code|here}}.

{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|CQ -> CQD DE SOJ
|[-.-. --.-] -> [-.-. --.- -.. / -.. . / ... --- .---]
|
|-
|SOS -> YOU TOO?
|[... --- ...] -> [-.-- --- ..- / - --- --- ..--..]
|
|-
|SOS -> OH NO
|[... --- ...] -> [--- .... / -. ---]
|
|-
|QRS -> (reduces playback speed)
|[--.- .-. ...]
|
|-
|QRQ -> (increases playback speed)
|[--.- .-. --.-]
|
|-
|QRA -> QRA SOJOURNER
|[--.- .-. .-] -> [--.- .-. .- / ... --- .--- --- ..- .-. -. . .-.]
|
|-
|QRB -> QRB 264 MILLION KM
|[--.- .-. -...] -> [--.- .-. -... /..--- -.... ....- / -- .. .-.. .-.. .. --- -. / -.- --]
|
|-
|QRH -> QRH 0.652 METERS
|[--.- .-. ....] -> [--.- .-. .... / ----- .-.-.- -.... ..... ..--- / -- . - . .-. ...]
|
|-
|QRG -> QRG PATHFINDER
|[--.- .-. --.] -> [--.- .-. --. / .--. .- - .... ..-. .. -. -.. . .-.]
|
|-
|QRZ -> QRZ SOJOURNER
|[--.- .-. --..] -> [--.- .-. --.. / ... --- .--- --- ..- .-. -. . .-.]
|
|-
|QRT -> PLEASE DON'T GO
|[--.- .-. -] -> [.--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.. --- -. .----. - / --. ---]
|
|-
|QTH -> QTH ARES VALLIS
|[--.- - ....] -> [--.- - .... / .- .-. . ... / ...- .- .-.. .-.. .. ...]
|
|-
|QSL -> QSL
|[--.- ... .-..] -> [--.- ... .-..]
|
|-
|73 -> 73 KN
|[--... ...--] -> [--... ...-- / -.- -.]
|
|-
|CL -> BYE
|[-.-. .-..] -> [-... -.-- .]
|
|}

===FORTUNE===

{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|F -> DID YOU MEAN FORTUNE
|[..-.] -> [-.. .. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / -- . .- -. / ..-. --- .-. - ..- -. .]
|
|-
|FORTUNE -> OPEN ME
|[..-. --- .-. - ..- -. .]
|
|-
|OPEN -> ''returns one of the following fortunes''

1. A BEAUTIFUL SMART AND LOVING PERSON WILL BE COMING INTO YOUR LIFE

2. CHANGE IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE SO GO WITH THE FLOW

3. COURTESY BEGINS IN THE HOME

4. DILIGENCE AND MODESTY CAN RAISE YOUR SOCIAL STATUS

5. EVERYWHERE YOU CHOOSE TO GO FRIENDLY FACES WILL GREET YOU

6. FOLLOW THE MIDDLE PATH NEITHER EXTREME WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY

7. FOR THE THINGS WE HAVE TO LEARN BEFORE WE CAN DO THEM WE LEARN BY DOING THEM

8. HELP IM BEING HELD PRISONER IN A CHINESE BAKERY

9. LIKE THE RIVER FLOW INTO THE SEA SOMETHING ARE JUST MEANT TO BE

10. MANS MIND ONCE STRETCHED BY A NEW IDEA NEVER REGAINS ITS ORIGINAL DIMENSIONS

11. MEDITATION WITH AN OLD ENEMY IS ADVISED

12. NEVER FEAR THE END OF SOMETHING MARKS THE START OF SOMETHING NEW

13. PERHAPS YOUVE BEEN FOCUSING TOO MUCH ON SAVING

14. SAVOR YOUR FREEDOM IT IS PRECIOUS

15. STAYING CLOSE TO HOME IS GOING TO BE BEST FOR YOUR MORALE TODAY

16. YOU ARE GENEROUS TO AN EXTREME AND ALWAYS THINK OF THE OTHER FELLOW

17. YOU HAVE AN UNUSUAL EQUIPMENT FOR SUCCESS USE IT PROPERLY

18. YOU SHOULD PAY FOR THIS CHECK BE GENEROUS

19. YOU WILL BE A GREAT SUCCESS BOTH IN THE BUSINESS WORLD AND SOCIETY

20. YOUR DREAMS ARE NEVER SILLY DEPEND ON THEM TO GUIDE YOU

21. YOUR INFINITE CAPACITY FOR PATIENCE WILL BE REWARDED SOONER OR LATER

22. YOUR MENTALITY IS ALERT PRACTICAL AND ANALYTICAL

23. YOUR MOODS SIGNAL A PERIOD OF CHANGE

24. FIRST THINK OF WHAT YOU WANT TO DO THEN DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO

|[--- .--. . -.]

1. [.- / -... . .- ..- - .. ..-. ..- .-.. / ... -- .- .-. - / .- -. -.. / .-.. --- ...- .. -. --. / .--. . .-. ... --- -. / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / -.-. --- -- .. -. --. / .. -. - --- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .-.. .. ..-. .]

2. [-.-. .... .- -. --. . / .. ... / .... .- .--. .--. . -. .. -. --. / .. -. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .-.. .. ..-. . / ... --- / --. --- / .-- .. - .... / - .... . / ..-. .-.. --- .--]

3. [-.-. --- ..- .-. - . ... -.-- / -... . --. .. -. ... / .. -. / - .... . / .... --- -- .]

4. [-.. .. .-.. .. --. . -. -.-. . / .- -. -.. / -- --- -.. . ... - -.-- / -.-. .- -. / .-. .- .. ... . / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... --- -.-. .. .- .-.. / ... - .- - ..- ...]

5. [. ...- . .-. -.-- .-- .... . .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .... --- --- ... . / - --- / --. --- / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. .-.. -.-- / ..-. .- -.-. . ... / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / --. .-. . . - / -.-- --- ..-]

6. [. ...- . .-. -.-- .-- .... . .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .... --- --- ... . / - --- / --. --- / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. .-.. -.-- / ..-. .- -.-. . ... / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / --. .-. . . - / -.-- --- ..-]

7. [..-. --- .-. / - .... . / - .... .. -. --. ... / .-- . / .... .- ...- . / - --- / .-.. . .- .-. -. / -... . ..-. --- .-. . / .-- . / -.-. .- -. / -.. --- / - .... . -- / .-- . / .-.. . .- .-. -. / -... -.-- / -.. --- .. -. --. / - .... . --]

8. [.... . .-.. .--. / .. -- / -... . .. -. --. / .... . .-.. -.. / .--. .-. .. ... --- -. . .-. / .. -. / .- / -.-. .... .. -. . ... . / -... .- -.- . .-. -.--]

9. [.-.. .. -.- . / - .... . / .-. .. ...- . .-. / ..-. .-.. --- .-- / .. -. - --- / - .... . / ... . .- / ... --- -- . - .... .. -. --. / .- .-. . / .--- ..- ... - / -- . .- -. - / - --- / -... .]

10. [-- .- -. ... / -- .. -. -.. / --- -. -.-. . / ... - .-. . - -.-. .... . -.. / -... -.-- / .- / -. . .-- / .. -.. . .- / -. . ...- . .-. / .-. . --. .- .. -. ... / .. - ... / --- .-. .. --. .. -. .- .-.. / -.. .. -- . -. ... .. --- -. ...]

11. [-- . -.. .. - .- - .. --- -. / .-- .. - .... / .- -. / --- .-.. -.. / . -. . -- -.-- / .. ... / .- -.. ...- .. ... . -..]

12. [-. . ...- . .-. / ..-. . .- .-. / - .... . / . -. -.. / --- ..-. / ... --- -- . - .... .. -. --. / -- .- .-. -.- ... / - .... . / ... - .- .-. - / --- ..-. / ... --- -- . - .... .. -. --. / -. . .--]

13. [.--. . .-. .... .- .--. ... / -.-- --- ..- ...- . / -... . . -. / ..-. --- -.-. ..- ... .. -. --. / - --- --- / -- ..- -.-. .... / --- -. / ... .- ...- .. -. --.]

14. [... .- ...- --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ..-. .-. . . -.. --- -- / .. - / .. ... / .--. .-. . -.-. .. --- ..- ...]

15. [... - .- -.-- .. -. --. / -.-. .-.. --- ... . / - --- / .... --- -- . / .. ... / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -... . / -... . ... - / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -- --- .-. .- .-.. . / - --- -.. .- -.--]

16. [-.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / --. . -. . .-. --- ..- ... / - --- / .- -. / . -..- - .-. . -- . / .- -. -.. / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / - .... .. -. -.- / --- ..-. / - .... . / --- - .... . .-. / ..-. . .-.. .-.. --- .--]

17. [-.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / .- -. / ..- -. ..- ... ..- .- .-.. / . --.- ..- .. .--. -- . -. - / ..-. --- .-. / ... ..- -.-. -.-. . ... ... / ..- ... . / .. - / .--. .-. --- .--. . .-. .-.. -.--]

18. [-.-- --- ..- / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / .--. .- -.-- / ..-. --- .-. / - .... .. ... / -.-. .... . -.-. -.- / -... . / --. . -. . .-. --- ..- ...]

19. [-.-- --- ..- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / .- / --. .-. . .- - / ... ..- -.-. -.-. . ... ... / -... --- - .... / .. -. / - .... . / -... ..- ... .. -. . ... ... / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. / .- -. -.. / ... --- -.-. .. . - -.--]

20. [-.-- --- ..- .-. / -.. .-. . .- -- ... / .- .-. . / -. . ...- . .-. / ... .. .-.. .-.. -.-- / -.. . .--. . -. -.. / --- -. / - .... . -- / - --- / --. ..- .. -.. . / -.-- --- ..-]

21. [-.-- --- ..- .-. / .. -. ..-. .. -. .. - . / -.-. .- .--. .- -.-. .. - -.-- / ..-. --- .-. / .--. .- - .. . -. -.-. . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / .-. . .-- .- .-. -.. . -.. / ... --- --- -. . .-. / --- .-. / .-.. .- - . .-.]

22. [-.-- --- ..- .-. / -- . -. - .- .-.. .. - -.-- / .. ... / .- .-.. . .-. - / .--. .-. .- -.-. - .. -.-. .- .-.. / .- -. -.. / .- -. .- .-.. -.-- - .. -.-. .- .-..]

23. [-.-- --- ..- .-. / -- --- --- -.. ... / ... .. --. -. .- .-.. / .- / .--. . .-. .. --- -.. / --- ..-. / -.-. .... .- -. --. .]

24. [..-. .. .-. ... - / - .... .. -. -.- / --- ..-. / .-- .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .- -. - / - --- / -.. --- / - .... . -. / -.. --- / .-- .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / - --- / -.. ---]

|
|-
|OPEN -> HUH (if after something other than "FORTUNE")
|[--- .--. . -.] -> [.... ..- ....]
|}

===ENCABULATOR===

{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|STATUS -> RADIO ONLINE, MOTOR ONLINE, UNILATERAL PHASE DETRACTOR UNPOWERED, CARDINAL GRAMMETER UNSYNCHRONIZED
|[... - .- - ..- ...] -> [.-. .- -.. .. --- / --- -. .-.. .. -. . --..-- / -- --- - --- .-. / --- -. .-.. .. -. . --..-- / ..- -. .. .-.. .- - . .-. .- .-.. / .--. .... .- ... . / -.. . - .-. .- -.-. - --- .-. / ..- -. .--. --- .-- . .-. . -.. --..-- / -.-. .- .-. -.. .. -. .- .-.. / --. .-. .- -- -- . - . .-. / ..- -. ... -.-- -. -.-. .... .-. --- -. .. --.. . -..]
|
|-
|YOUTUBE -> RXJKDH1KZ0W
|[-.-- --- ..- - ..- -... .]
|This represents the video ID for [https://youtu.be/RXJKdh1KZ0w Rockwell Retro Encabulator]
|-
|REPAIR ''or'' ENCABULATOR ''or'' FIX ''or'' SYSTEM -> ENTERING ENCABULATOR RECOVERY SYSTEM. OPTIONS 1 INITIATE SIDE FUMBLING 2 ALIGN SPURVING BEARINGS 3 REVERSE TREMIE PIPE
:1 -> SIDE FUMBLING DETECTED. MODIAL INTERACTION UNSTABLE. RECOVERY TERMINATED.
:2 -> MODIAL INTERACTION INITIATED. OPTIONS 1 UNWIND LOTUS O DELTOID 2 INCREASE DEPLENERATION 3 CONNECT GIRDLESPRING ON DOWN END OF GRAMMETER 4 CONNECT SEVENTH CONDUCTOR TO GIRDLESPRING
::1 -> SIDE FUMBLING DETECTED. MODIAL INTERACTION UNSTABLE. RECOVERY TERMINATED.
::2 -> DEPLENERATION PREVENTED BY DINGLE ARM
::3 -> SIDE FUMBLING DETECTED. MODIAL INTERACTION UNSTABLE. RECOVERY TERMINATED.
::4 -> PANAMETRIC FAN ACTIVATED. MODIAL INTERACTION STABLE. DEFAULT CONFIGURATION MISSING. MANUALLY ENTER MARZELVANE TYPE TO COMPLETE RECOVERY
:::HYDROCOPTIC -> RECOVERY SUCCESSFUL. REBOOT Y N?
::::Y -> (''Opens [https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sojourner_repaired.png sojourner_repaired.png]'')
:3 -> ERROR TREMIE PIPE NONREVERSIBLE
|[.-. . .--. .- .. .-.] ''or'' [. -. -.-. .- -... ..- .-.. .- - --- .-.] ''or'' [..-. .. -..-] ''or'' [... -.-- ... - . --] -> [. -. - . .-. .. -. --. / . -. -.-. .- -... ..- .-.. .- - --- .-. / .-. . -.-. --- ...- . .-. -.-- / ... -.-- ... - . -- .-.-.- / --- .--. - .. --- -. ... / .---- / .. -. .. - .. .- - . / ... .. -.. . / ..-. ..- -- -... .-.. .. -. --. / ..--- / .- .-.. .. --. -. / ... .--. ..- .-. ...- .. -. --. / -... . .- .-. .. -. --. ... / ...-- / .-. . ...- . .-. ... . / - .-. . -- .. . / .--. .. .--. .]
:[.----] -> [... .. -.. . / ..-. ..- -- -... .-.. .. -. --. / -.. . - . -.-. - . -.. .-.-.- / -- --- -.. .. .- .-.. / .. -. - . .-. .- -.-. - .. --- -. / ..- -. ... - .- -... .-.. . .-.-.- / .-. . -.-. --- ...- . .-. -.-- / - . .-. -- .. -. .- - . -.. .-.-.-]
:[..---] -> [-- --- -.. .. .- .-.. / .. -. - . .-. .- -.-. - .. --- -. / .. -. .. - .. .- - . -.. .-.-.- / --- .--. - .. --- -. ... / .---- / ..- -. .-- .. -. -.. / .-.. --- - ..- ... / --- / -.. . .-.. - --- .. -.. / ..--- / .. -. -.-. .-. . .- ... . / -.. . .--. .-.. . -. . .-. .- - .. --- -. / ...-- / -.-. --- -. -. . -.-. - / --. .. .-. -.. .-.. . ... .--. .-. .. -. --. / --- -. / -.. --- .-- -. / . -. -.. / --- ..-. / --. .-. .- -- -- . - . .-. / ....- / -.-. --- -. -. . -.-. - / ... . ...- . -. - .... / -.-. --- -. -.. ..- -.-. - --- .-. / - --- / --. .. .-. -.. .-.. . ... .--. .-. .. -. --.]
::[.----] -> [... .. -.. . / ..-. ..- -- -... .-.. .. -. --. / -.. . - . -.-. - . -.. .-.-.- / -- --- -.. .. .- .-.. / .. -. - . .-. .- -.-. - .. --- -. / ..- -. ... - .- -... .-.. . .-.-.- / .-. . -.-. --- ...- . .-. -.-- / - . .-. -- .. -. .- - . -.. .-.-.-]
::[..---] -> [-.. . .--. .-.. . -. . .-. .- - .. --- -. / .--. .-. . ...- . -. - . -.. / -... -.-- / -.. .. -. --. .-.. . / .- .-. --]
::[...--] -> [... .. -.. . / ..-. ..- -- -... .-.. .. -. --. / -.. . - . -.-. - . -.. .-.-.- / -- --- -.. .. .- .-.. / .. -. - . .-. .- -.-. - .. --- -. / ..- -. ... - .- -... .-.. . .-.-.- / .-. . -.-. --- ...- . .-. -.-- / - . .-. -- .. -. .- - . -.. .-.-.-]
::[....-] -> [.--. .- -. .- -- . - .-. .. -.-. / ..-. .- -. / .- -.-. - .. ...- .- - . -.. .-.-.- / -- --- -.. .. .- .-.. / .. -. - . .-. .- -.-. - .. --- -. / ... - .- -... .-.. . .-.-.- / -.. . ..-. .- ..- .-.. - / -.-. --- -. ..-. .. --. ..- .-. .- - .. --- -. / -- .. ... ... .. -. --. .-.-.- / -- .- -. ..- .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / . -. - . .-. / -- .- .-. --.. . .-.. ...- .- -. . / - -.-- .--. . / - --- / -.-. --- -- .--. .-.. . - . / .-. . -.-. --- ...- . .-. -.--]
:::[.... -.-- -.. .-. --- -.-. --- .--. - .. -.-.] -> [.-. . -.-. --- ...- . .-. -.-- / ... ..- -.-. -.-. . ... ... ..-. ..- .-.. .-.-.- / .-. . -... --- --- - / -.-- / -. ..--..]
::::[-.--]
:[...--] -> [. .-. .-. --- .-. / - .-. . -- .. . / .--. .. .--. . / -. --- -. .-. . ...- . .-. ... .. -... .-.. .]
|
|-
|}

===MAZE===

{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|RETURN -> DID YOU MEAN ENTER
|[.-. . - ..- .-. -.]
|
|-
|ENTER -> DID YOU MEAN ENTER MAZE
|[. -. - . .-.]
|
|-
|ENTER MAZE -> AN EMPTY ROOM
:LOOK -> AN EMPTY ROOM
:HELP -> NORTH EAST SOUTH WEST GET
:EXIT -> CFM (''Exits the maze'')
|[. -. - . .-. / -- .- --.. .] -> [.- -. / . -- .--. - -.-- / .-. --- --- --]
:[.-.. --- --- -.-] -> [.- -. / . -- .--. - -.-- / .-. --- --- --]
:[.... . .-.. .--.] -> [-. --- .-. - .... / . .- ... - / ... --- ..- - .... / .-- . ... - / --. . -]
:[. -..- .. -] -> [-.-. ..-. --]
|
|}
{| class="wikitable"
|+ Maze
|-
|an open flame || a candle on a table || style="background-color: black;" |
|-
| style="background-color: black;" | || an empty room (start) || style="background-color: black;" |
|-
| style="background-color: black;" | || a hanging bell || an open book on a table (locked door)
|-
|}

Steps to complete (directions can be abbreviated as their first letter):
# NORTH
# GET CANDLE -> TAKEN
# WEST
# LIGHT CANDLE
# EAST
# SOUTH
# SOUTH
# RING BELL -> A DOOR OPENS
# EAST
# CLOSE BOOK -> CONGRATULATIONS YOU ESCAPE

===CROSSWORD===
{| class="wikitable"
! Message & response
! Morse Code
! Explanation
|-
|CROSSWORD -> NUMBER AND DIRECTION
|[-.-. .-. --- ... ... .-- --- .-. -..] -> [-. ..- -- -... . .-. / .- -. -.. / -.. .. .-. . -.-. - .. --- -.]
|This starts a crossword. You can ask for hints like "1 down" or "2 across". It appears to be the [https://rexwordpuzzle.blogspot.com/2021/04/libertarian-politico-johnson-thu-4-1-21.html New York Times Crossword] from the day this comic was written (2021-04-01).
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+Solved Crossword
|-
| m || y || g || o || d || style="background-color: black; | || d || e || v || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || e || l || f
|-
| b || u || o || n || o || style="background-color: black; | || e || y || e || s || style="background-color: black; | || s || l || u || r
|-
| a || m || o || c || o || style="background-color: black; | || c || r || a || p || style="background-color: black; | || l || m || a || o
|-
| style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || v || e || r || y || r || e || l || i || g || i || o || u || s
|-
| s || e || e || style="background-color: black; | || m || u || y || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || r || a || m || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; |
|-
| h || a || r || h || a || r || style="background-color: black; | || s || c || a || r || e || d || o || f
|-
| e || s || s || e || n || t || i || a || l || l || y || style="background-color: black; | || a || r || i
|-
| b || t || e || n || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || m || m || i || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || t || v || a || d
|-
| o || l || a || style="background-color: black; | || b || a || d || m || o || u || t || h || i || n || g
|-
| p || a || s || s || e || d || b || y || style="background-color: black; | || n || o || o || d || g || e
|-
| style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || o || a || r || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || s || u || n || style="background-color: black; | || l || e || t
|-
| b || l || e || n || d || e || d || f || a || m || i || l || y || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; |
|-
| b || o || r || g || style="background-color: black; | || p || e || l || t || style="background-color: black; | || g || e || n || r || e
|-
| q || u || i || z || style="background-color: black; | || s || p || a || y || style="background-color: black; | || h || i || c || k || s
|-
| s || t || e || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || style="background-color: black; | || p || b || r || style="background-color: black; | || t || a || h || o || e
|}

{| class="wikitable mw-collapsible mw-collapsed"
|+ Words
! index !! down word !! across word
|-
| 1 || MBA || MYGOD
|-
| 2 || YUM ||
|-
| 3 || GOOVERSEAS ||
|-
| 4 || ONCE ||
|-
| 5 || DOORMAN ||
|-
| 6 || DECRY || DEV
|-
| 7 || EYRE ||
|-
| 8 || VEAL ||
|-
| 9 || ELMO || ELF
|-
| 10 || LUAU ||
|-
| 11 || FROS ||
|-
| 12 || || BUONO
|-
| 13 || || EYES
|-
| 14 || SPIRAL ||
|-
| 15 || SLIME || SLUR
|-
| 16 || || AMOCO
|-
| 17 || || CRAP
|-
| 18 || || LMAO
|-
| 19 || || VERYRELIGIOUS
|-
| 20 || YURT ||
|-
| 21 || GARY ||
|-
| 22 || SHEBOP || SEE
|-
| 23 || EASTLA ||
|-
| 24 || || MUY
|-
| 25 || || RAM
|-
| 26 || || HARHAR
|-
| 27 || HEN ||
|-
| 28 || SAMMY || SCAREDOF
|-
| 29 || CLIO ||
|-
| 30 || DAVIDLYNCH ||
|-
| 31 || ORANGE ||
|-
| 32 || FIDGET ||
|-
| 33 || || ESSENTIALLY
|-
| 34 || IMDB ||
|-
| 35 || || ARI
|-
| 36 || || BTEN
|-
| 37 || || MMI
|-
| 38 || THO || TVAD
|-
| 39 || || OLA
|-
| 40 || BEAD || BADMOUTHING
|-
| 41 || ADREPS ||
|-
| 42 || UNUM ||
|-
| 43 || TONIGHT ||
|-
| 44 || || PASSEDBY
|-
| 45 || SONGZ ||
|-
| 46 || || NOODGE
|-
| 47 || || OAR
|-
| 48 || SATYR || SUN
|-
| 49 || || LET
|-
| 50 || BBQS || BLENDEDFAMILY
|-
| 51 || LOUT ||
|-
| 52 || ERIE ||
|-
| 53 || DEPP ||
|-
| 54 || FLAB ||
|-
| 55 || LEIA ||
|-
| 56 || || BORG
|-
| 57 || || PELT
|-
| 58 || || GENRE
|-
| 59 || RKO ||
|-
| 60 || ESE ||
|-
| 61 || || QUIZ
|-
| 62 || || SPAY
|-
| 63 || || HICKS
|-
| 64 || || STE
|-
| 65 || || PBR
|-
| 66 || || TAHOE
|}

===Rover Scene===
After successfully repairing and rebooting Sojourner, a comic is opened which depicts it seeking out and finding its friends, Spirit, Opportunity, Curiosity, Perseverance, and Ingenuity. Curiosity and Perseverance are locked in a swordfight, and either Spirit or Opportunity is carried off by Ingenuity while the other speeds off a small mound of dirt. Ingenuity carrying a rover is a reference to the previous comic.

==Special Console Commands==
The page's JavaScript creates a global object <code>morse</code> with <code>encode</code> and <code>decode</code> methods. From the developer console, it is possible to write <code>morse.encode("A PHRASE")</code>, which will print the Morse code corresponding to the text provided, or <code>morse.decode("... --- ...")</code> which will translate the Morse code to text.

<code>BeepComic.hurryUp()</code> to get the reply immediately in the console.
<code>BeepComic.send(...)</code> to send directly to SOJOURNER.

==Transcript==
:[A small box is in the middle of a large white frame. The box can have a check-mark, but it is alternating between being checked or unchecked. At the bottom right there is a muted speaker (which can be unmuted). If the user press the checkbox gray dots or lines will appear below depending on the length of the press. These will move from right to left and then disappear.]

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Interactive comics]]
[[Category:Comics with animation]]
[[Category:Dynamic comics]]
[[Category:April fools' comics]]

2310: Great Attractor

2020-05-25T13:03:51Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */ Homo Cueballius inhabits a 2d(ish) environment with (almost) 1d limbs. I don't think we can assume too much about what is a strange number of dimensions for the bones of the H.C. Beretovian subspecies.

{{comic
| number = 2310
| date = May 22, 2020
| title = Great Attractor
| image = great_attractor.png
| titletext = Living in the southern hemisphere was nice because I could jump extra high, but I like it here too. Besides, if I ever want to move back, I can just curl up in a ball and wait!
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a Greatly Attractive SpaceBORG9o. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon. Needs reference to Dark Flow.}}

[[Cueball]] comments on the fact that as summer approaches, the sun rises earlier and sets later, a common topic of conversation, especially to complain that it is still light at times of day where you are used to it being dark out. [[Beret Guy]] comments that he fell off of the wall this morning, a seemingly unconnected topic.

People will often complain about falling out of bed as an indicator of having slept badly. The later sunset is often linked to worsened sleep [https://www.insider.com/why-its-hard-to-sleep-in-the-summer-2018-6]. However, Beret Guy didn't fall from the bed, he fell from the wall. While being able to figure out he's talking about his worsened sleep, Cueball is understandably confused, so Beret Guy clarifies.

Beret Guy is strongly affected by the {{w|Great Attractor}}, a large gravitational anomaly that influences the galaxies near it, but is difficult to observe directly. Beret Guy claims that the Great Attractor pulls on him unusually hard, which could be another one of his [[:Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy|strange powers]]. This attraction, while not overpowering the gravity of the earth, (he states that he can "Jump extra high" in the title text) affects his life greatly.

While 'normal' people can probably (if uncomfortably) lie down on the top of a boundary wall, for Beret Guy his attraction to the Great Attractor means that, at various times, like now, he can lie on the vertical surface of any wall (external or internal) that is currently orientated in a fortuitous direction (i.e. facing south). He fell off of the wall this morning due the Great Attractor being below him during daylight hours and on the horizon during night hours. Maybe because the day starts earlier in the summer, he fell down unexpectedly. Although the location of the Great Attractor should not be linked directly to daylight here on Earth.

He gives a short explanation of which Attractor he refers to (the space one) and why the Great Attractor affects him. According to his doctors it is apparently caused by the motion of galaxies and how many dimensions his bones have. Since having less than 3 spatial dimensions may lead to trouble, his bones may be existing in more dimensions than our normal 3 dimensions of space and 1 of time... Galactic motions normally has no significant effect on a person with 3-D bones.

Beret Guy then says that day-sliding season is near, due to the Great Attractor being at the horizon in the day, and offers to run errands for Cueball in the South, implying that he will be pulled towards the south during day-sliding season, and can run much faster in that direction.

Beret Guy is not standing straight up during this comic, he has one knee slightly bent towards Cueball in the first two panels. This is because it is evening (8:00 PM as Cueball states) and the Great Attractor is now coming near the horizon, where it will be during the night. So Beret Guy will be pulled towards the south, behind him in the comic, and thus leans away from the pull. In the final panel, when he leaves Cueball, moving right towards south and into the pull, he can bee seen sliding along the ground without walking. He leans a bit back to not stumble forward. His last sentence also indicates that he either speeds up or that he is a little uncertain on his feet altering his voice.

He mentions that at the moment during day-time the Great Attractor is beneath him so he can stand straight. He then just feels a little heavier (he will thus weigh more than another person with the same mass).

In the title text he says he liked living in the south because the Great Attractor was often above him, meaning he could jump higher with the help of it's pull (and would weigh less than a normal person with same mass). Since he could jump, the force is clearly weaker than Earth's gravity, but still enough for him to easily slide over the ground when it is near the horizon. So he could likely win some high jump competitions if he wished so.

Being Beret Guy, he is never really unhappy, so he states that he also likes it here (in the north). But then continues to comment on how easy it will be for him to get to the south. Because if he entirely stopped bracing himself against the pull by crouching into a more spherical shape, and just waited for the Great Attractor to get near the horizon again, then the pull would cause him to start rolling over the ground to some place with lower net gravitational potential, i.e. further south, where the Great Attractor will be more directly over his head.

A prior example of an xkcd character with alternate gravitational susceptibility is [[417: The Man Who Fell Sideways]], where a consistent off-vertical pull somehow applies (rather than one linked to a spot on the stellar sphere). In [[1376: Jump]] Cueball end of floating sideways across the ground a bit above Earth, in a similar idea to being pulled sideways.

See also these other fictional examples of '[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/872243.The_Revolving_Boy personalized]' [https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Tethys gravitational] [https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Sally_Cambric susceptibilities].

Beret Guy has previously been interested in strange attracting forces in the universe, in [[502: Dark Flow]], where he hoped it was his mom and wished she would pull on him. It was though not about the Great Attractor, and the force did not clearly affect him. Although his love for his mom did affect two space probes, as mentioned in the title text...

===More detail===
Some of the humor of the comic has to do with the immense differences in scale between Beret Guy and the Great Attractor.

In very round numbers our own {{w|Milky Way}} galaxy is 150,000 - 200,000 light years across. It is just one of several galaxies in something called the {{w|Local Group}}, which is around 10,000,000 light years across. And the Local Group is itself in something called the {{w|Virgo Supercluster|Local Supercluster}} (also called the Virgo Supercluster), around 110,000,000 light years across. Each galaxy, each group, and each {{w|supercluster}} is not just a chance alignment, but is a gravitational coherent structure. And all this is just yet a part of the even larger {{w|Laniakea Supercluster}} in which also the Great Attractor is located, along with more than 100,000 other Galaxies, in a region of space spanning more than 500 million light years.

Something unpredictable (hence "anomalous") is going on with the galaxies in the Local Supercluster (including our own). These galaxies are indeed accelerating away from one another as seen by their red shift. {{w|Hubble's Law}} predicts the expansion should be uniformly proportional to their distance from Earth and from one another. But for the Local Supercluster something is restricting the expansion. That something is, as "viewed" from Earth, somewhere in the direction of the Southern Triangle constellation but 250,000,000 light years distant, and has (but only since 1988) been termed the Great Attractor. The Great Attractor can't conveniently be seen at visible wavelengths, because that direction is the so-called {{w|Zone of Avoidance}}: the area of the night sky obscured by our own Milky Way.

Boiling this all down: something a quarter of a billion light years away that makes an anomalous blip in the local rate of expansion of the universe, and whose existence astronomers deduce only by X-ray observations of stellar red-shift, has large-scale effects on everyday gravitational forces uniquely experienced by Beret Guy. OK, now you can smile.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball and Beret Guy stand next to each other, talking. Beret Guy leans towards Cueball by bending down one knee.]
:Cueball: I can't believe it's still light out. It's 8:00 PM!
:Beret Guy: Seriously! This morning I fell off the wall.

:[In a frame-less panel with the same setting Beret Guy is looking and pointing to the right.]
:Cueball: Wait, why were you sleeping on the wall?
:Beret Guy: The Great Attractor is near the horizon at night right now.

:[Zoom in on Beret Guy, who hold one hand palm up towards Cueball who is speaking to him off-panel.]
:Cueball (off-panel): The Great Attractor?
:Beret Guy: Yeah! The space one.
:Beret Guy: It pulls on me extra hard. Doctors said it's something to do with galactic motion and how many dimensions my bones have.

:[Cueball is still standing as Beret Guy slides away to the right, while looking and leaning back towards Cueball. He holds his arms slightly out, to keep his balance. Lines behind him and at his feet indicates his motion, even if he is clearly not walking. In his last word the letters becomes italic after Good and the last three Ts becomes smaller and smaller than the previous letters.]
:Beret Guy: This time of year, it's below us all day, so I stand vertically. But day-sliding season is near!
:Beret Guy: Let me know if you have any errands to run to the south!
:Beret Guy: Good''niiighttt''

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Astronomy]]

2310: Great Attractor

2020-05-22T23:06:04Z

141.101.107.78: /* Transcript */

{{comic
| number = 2310
| date = May 23, 2020
| title = Great Attractor
| image = great_attractor.png
| titletext = Living in the southern hemisphere was nice because I could jump extra high, but I like it here too. Besides, if I ever want to move back, I can just curl up in a ball and wait!
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a Greatly Attractive SpaceBOT. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

The great attractor is a gravitational anomaly. Beret Guy claims that the great attractor pulls on him extra hard which could be another one of his strange powers. This attraction overpowers the gravity of the earth and allows him to sleep on walls. While 'normal' people can probably (if uncomfortably) lie down on the top of a boundary wall, for Beret Guy this may, at various times, mean that he can lie on the vertical surface of any wall (external or internal) that is currently orientated in a fortuitous direction.

A prior example of an xkcd character with alternate gravitational susceptibility is [[417: The Man Who Fell Sideways]], where a consistent off-vertical pull somehow applies (rather than one linked to a spot on the skies) while other fictional examples of 'personalised' [https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Tethys gravitational] [https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Sally_Cambric susceptibilities] also exist, in various forms.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:Cueball: I can't believe it's still light out. It's 8:00 PM!
:Beret guy: Seriously! This morning I fell off the wall.

:Cueball: Wait, why were you sleeping on the wall?
:Beret guy: The great attractor is near the horizon at night right now.

:Cueball (off screen): The great attractor?
:Beret guy: Yeah! The space one. It pulls on me extra hard. Doctors said it's something to do with galactic motion and how many dimensions my bones have.

:Beret guy: This time of year, it's below us all day, so I stand vertically. But day-sliding season is near! Let me know if you have any errands to run to the south! Goodniiighttt

{{comic discussion}}

2310: Great Attractor

2020-05-22T23:04:11Z

141.101.107.78: /* Transcript */

{{comic
| number = 2310
| date = May 23, 2020
| title = Great Attractor
| image = great_attractor.png
| titletext = Living in the southern hemisphere was nice because I could jump extra high, but I like it here too. Besides, if I ever want to move back, I can just curl up in a ball and wait!
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a Greatly Attractive SpaceBOT. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

The great attractor is a gravitational anomaly. Beret Guy claims that the great attractor pulls on him extra hard which could be another one of his strange powers. This attraction overpowers the gravity of the earth and allows him to sleep on walls. While 'normal' people can probably (if uncomfortably) lie down on the top of a boundary wall, for Beret Guy this may, at various times, mean that he can lie on the vertical surface of any wall (external or internal) that is currently orientated in a fortuitous direction.

A prior example of an xkcd character with alternate gravitational susceptibility is [[417: The Man Who Fell Sideways]], where a consistent off-vertical pull somehow applies (rather than one linked to a spot on the skies) while other fictional examples of 'personalised' [https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Tethys gravitational] [https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Sally_Cambric susceptibilities] also exist, in various forms.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:Cueball: I can't believe it's still light out. It's 8:00 PM!
:Beret guy: Seriously! This morning I fell off the wall.

:Cueball: Wait, why were you sleeping on the wall?
:Beret guy: The great attractor is near the horizon at night right now.

:Cueball: The great attractor?
:Beret guy: Yeah! The space one. It pulls on me extra hard. Doctors said it's something to do with galactic motion and how many dimensions my bones have.

:Beret guy: This time of year, it's below us all day, so I stand vertically. But day-sliding season is near! Let me know if you have any errands to run to the south! Goodniiighttt

{{comic discussion}}

2310: Great Attractor

2020-05-22T23:00:33Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */ Refined my meaning

2310: Great Attractor

2020-05-22T22:58:50Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */ Useful links?

Talk:2307: Alive Or Not

2020-05-18T08:34:55Z

141.101.107.78:

I'm pretty sure high-pressure fire hoses belong on this scale[[User:60sRefugee|60sRefugee]] ([[User talk:60sRefugee|talk]]) 21:47, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
:What about wacky waving inflatable tube guy? [[Special:Contributions/172.68.38.124|172.68.38.124]] 00:41, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

Funny, for once viruses are said to be alive. That's new... [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.138|141.101.107.138]] 22:01, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
:Definitely new, and extremely angering! I could scream... [[Special:Contributions/172.68.143.30|172.68.143.30]] 22:47, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
::Jup. The nex disgusting piece of antiscience after Wednesday´s nonsense about handwashing helping against respirational diseases. I think Monroe has caught a bug from Potus Donald. --[[Special:Contributions/141.101.69.33|141.101.69.33]] 07:44, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

Do we want to bicker over the placement of the line (like "Why is it below viruses"), or the order things are placed in (like "Why are slime molds below plants")? [[User:GreatWyrmGold|GreatWyrmGold]] ([[User talk:GreatWyrmGold|talk]]) 22:06, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
: Oh, go on. If you insist. You go first, unless you already have. ;) [[Special:Contributions/162.158.154.31|162.158.154.31]] 22:46, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
: Seconded, I'm most interested which criterion (even a numeric one, as the diagram is suggestive of) Randall used. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.158.163|162.158.158.163]] 09:43, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

True fossils have remineralised so generally do not have DNA left. They are merely the shadow of a previous life.
: So fossils are closer to "Rocks with Faces," well, for the ancient vertebrate fossils anyway? [[User:Nutster|Nutster]] ([[User talk:Nutster|talk]]) 15:36, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

Surprised no one has noticed the typo yet. It's 'archaea', not 'archea'
:(Sign yourself(/ves), "True fossils" and "Surprised"?) I disagree. It's 'archæa'... [[Special:Contributions/162.158.154.31|162.158.154.31]] 22:46, 15 May 2020 (UTC)

Poor English and a mistake. It should say...
"...discussion about *whether* virus*es* are alive."
Also the (covid for starters) is wrong. Covid19 is the disease caused by the virus (as mentioned in the line above) not the virus itself

I am disappointed that sponges are not mentioned as an example of weird animals. I mean, come on, way weirder than jellyfish. But it is good that viruses get the recognition they deserve.[[User:Jkrstrt|Jkrstrt]] ([[User talk:Jkrstrt|talk]]) 13:34, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

When looking at viruses, I consider them made of the things of life (proteins, lipids, nucleic acids), but are not actually alive as they have no metabolism and can not reproduce on their own; they need to co-opt the protein production facility of truly living cells in order to reproduce. Without a host, they just sit there (or maybe blow around on the wind). Also without metabolism, they can not starve to death, like bacteria and other single-cell organisms that get into the wrong environment. [[User:Nutster|Nutster]] ([[User talk:Nutster|talk]]) 15:36, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

Well, this raises the question where the sun (or any main sequence star) fall on this list. Is it just a really big thermonuclear fire?

This is not a COVID-19 comic. Just because it is biology-related, doesn't make it a COVID-19 comic. I have removed it from the category and its mention in the explanation.[[Special:Contributions/172.69.34.38|172.69.34.38]] 07:33, 17 May 2020 (UTC)
:Of course it is. The whole idea about this comic is to spark the discussion if Virus (covid) is alive or not. I put it back. --[[User:Kynde|Kynde]] ([[User talk:Kynde|talk]]) 21:59, 17 May 2020 (UTC)
::I fully disagree, this comic could have been published in previous years. This is only tangentially related to COVID-19, and is a general discussion about "life". Viruses are only barely mentioned in this comic. [[Special:Contributions/172.69.34.38|172.69.34.38]] 23:26, 17 May 2020 (UTC)
:::Agree it shouldn't be classified as COVID-19, but then there's a bunch of others that should be removed: 2278, 2283, 2289, 2292, 2293.[[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 08:34, 18 May 2020 (UTC)

Talk:167: Nihilism

2020-05-16T20:07:03Z

141.101.107.78: Added a line breake.

That's his logic for dong random stuff?[[User:Guru-45|Guru-45]] ([[User talk:Guru-45|talk]]) 16:33, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

:He is saying that climbing a tree is as reasonable a response to nihilism as acting all mopey and depressed. [[Special:Contributions/184.66.160.91|184.66.160.91]] 03:21, 27 August 2013 (UTC)

:And also suggesting that it is the better option (or at least the one he'd rather be doing) of the two. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.237.158|108.162.237.158]] 22:00, 12 October 2015 (UTC)

And he is soooo correct. I wish I knew now what a waste of time worrying about certain things happening or not happening would wind up being. I wish I'd spent more time climbing trees or doing other things that made me feel happy or that I had fun doing instead of worrying about how I would look to others doing so. Life should come with a users manual or at least a FAQ or something. I know, I know there's lots of books out there that attempt to do that but I mean one that you KNOW is true because it was written for YOU. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.190|173.245.54.190]] 10:37, 2 April 2015 (UTC)

:You are basically talking about a religious text since many of those claim to be written for your salvation/enlightenment/well-being. A lot of people claim that something must be true because it reflects their experiences perfectly. {{unsigned|Flewk}}

You might as well not bother being nihilistic. It's not like you'll accomplish anything by it. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.52|173.245.54.52]] 21:03, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

I found this while reading about absurdism, my own philosophy. I would assume that the beret guy is in fact an absurdist, which is slightly different from nihilism. Would this be correct?[[Special:Contributions/108.162.219.78|108.162.219.78]]

Yes and no. Maybe. Are there even definite definitions of Nihilism and Absurdism? Meaning: Nihilism is frequently associated with Nietsche, who, in his own understanding, fought Nihilism. But thats how I read stuff, and I am sure there's at least 10k people who would disagree. -- [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 20:07, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

Talk:167: Nihilism

2020-05-16T20:06:01Z

141.101.107.78:

That's his logic for dong random stuff?[[User:Guru-45|Guru-45]] ([[User talk:Guru-45|talk]]) 16:33, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

:He is saying that climbing a tree is as reasonable a response to nihilism as acting all mopey and depressed. [[Special:Contributions/184.66.160.91|184.66.160.91]] 03:21, 27 August 2013 (UTC)

:And also suggesting that it is the better option (or at least the one he'd rather be doing) of the two. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.237.158|108.162.237.158]] 22:00, 12 October 2015 (UTC)

And he is soooo correct. I wish I knew now what a waste of time worrying about certain things happening or not happening would wind up being. I wish I'd spent more time climbing trees or doing other things that made me feel happy or that I had fun doing instead of worrying about how I would look to others doing so. Life should come with a users manual or at least a FAQ or something. I know, I know there's lots of books out there that attempt to do that but I mean one that you KNOW is true because it was written for YOU. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.190|173.245.54.190]] 10:37, 2 April 2015 (UTC)

:You are basically talking about a religious text since many of those claim to be written for your salvation/enlightenment/well-being. A lot of people claim that something must be true because it reflects their experiences perfectly. {{unsigned|Flewk}}

You might as well not bother being nihilistic. It's not like you'll accomplish anything by it. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.52|173.245.54.52]] 21:03, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

I found this while reading about absurdism, my own philosophy. I would assume that the beret guy is in fact an absurdist, which is slightly different from nihilism. Would this be correct?[[Special:Contributions/108.162.219.78|108.162.219.78]]
Yes and no. Maybe. Are there even definite definitions of Nihilism and Absurdism? Meaning: Nihilism is frequently associated with Nietsche, who, in his own understanding, fought Nihilism. But thats how I read stuff, and I am sure there's at least 10k people who would disagree. -- [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 20:06, 16 May 2020 (UTC)

Talk:2052: Stanislav Petrov Day

2018-09-28T16:26:39Z

141.101.107.78: Reading about the subject matter

Wednesday was also Talk Like a Pirate Day [[User:Barmar|Barmar]] ([[User talk:Barmar|talk]]) 14:51, 28 September 2018 (UTC)
: What is a pirate's favorite letter?
: Aaaar!
: Many people think it's the 'R', but it's actually the 'C'! [[Special:Contributions/162.158.106.168|162.158.106.168]] 15:05, 28 September 2018 (UTC)
::...I feel like I've read that on a webcomic somewhere... [[Special:Contributions/172.68.174.16|172.68.174.16]] 15:32, 28 September 2018 (UTC)
:::Ye'd think they'd be the most fond if the 'C', but without 'P', they just be irate. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.241.100|108.162.241.100]] 16:01, 28 September 2018 (UTC)
Ayyy, got this one pretty fast. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.154.13|162.158.154.13]] 15:18, 28 September 2018 (UTC)

I just read about Mr Petrov the other day, maybe on Quora. I wonder if Randall received the same article in his daily digest :) [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 16:26, 28 September 2018 (UTC)

1032: Networking

2018-09-23T14:36:05Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 1032
| date = March 21, 2012
| title = Networking
| image = networking.png
| titletext = Our company is agile and lean with a focus on the long tail. Ok, our company is actually a polecat I found in my backyard.
}}

==Explanation==
Obviously, [[Beret Guy]]'s [[1021|business plan]] worked.

Networking, in business, is the act of expanding your group of contacts in order to help your career down the line. Here, in this comic, [[Beret Guy]] meets Chief Technology Officer (CTO, an executive level position overseeing development of new technologies) Connr Clark (perhaps a typo for "Connor" or perhaps a reference to common "Web 2.0" names like the businesses {{w|Flickr}}, {{w|Tumblr}}, etc.) and Beret Guy is as strange as he usually is: he introduces himself as a "business professional" rather than as someone with any kind of specific job, and then goes on to mention that he photocopied a burrito, which he presumably believes is the sort of thing business professionals do. He also has a business card; usually this would contain contact information, but his only says "This is my business card". He calls his briefcase, or suitcase, a "handlebox", and it is full of a quarter of a million dollars in cash. Then Beret Guy proceeds to eat Connr's business card. All of these things are not common behavior. {{Citation needed}}

"Networking" is often an over-hyped, empty affair. There are zillions of networking meetings of every description going on every day everywhere, and mostly people trade cards and continue to not make money. So that's the joke – Beret Guy does the networking {{w|schtick}}, badly, and yet is somehow making huge amounts of money at it.

The comic is also likely a joke on the idea that many people are excited about becoming a "business professional" who carries a briefcase, hands out business cards, and makes tons of money, without having an adequate plan for how to make those things happen, or possibly even knowing what their actual job would be. Beret Guy never says what he does, simply introducing himself as a "business professional," and explains his piles of cash with "I am a business grown-up who makes business profits!" In this world —and in people's dreams— when you "grow up" and start a business, money magically appears. Obviously, that's not how it works.{{Citation needed}}

The "Eusocial" in "Eusocial Media Ventures" is a reference to {{w|eusociality}}, the highest level of social cooperation found in the animal kingdom. Eusocial animals (termites being a common example) cooperate together to raise their young, have different generations living in the same colony, and have specialized individuals for reproductive and non-reproductive tasks.

The title text is a pun on three common business buzzwords: agile, lean and long-tail. An agile business is one that can change course quickly based on customer demands and the business environment. A lean business is one with minimal inventory or assets; nothing is idle or warehoused, so everything in active use or on the move. Long-tail describes the strategy of offering a large number of unique items with relatively small quantities sold of each – usually in addition to selling fewer popular items in large quantities. Netflix is a popular example of long-tail because they have (almost) every movie imaginable, including rare titles that only a few people would be interested in.

And of course, the pun here is one animal that is agile and lean with a long ''tail'' is a {{w|polecat}}.

Furthermore, although "agile" and "lean" do mean a quick, nimble, and efficient business, they also refer to specific practices, as in {{w|agile software development}}, {{w|lean manufacturing}} and {{w|lean Six Sigma}}. Many people think these terms have devolved to overused jargon. While agile development is supposed to be a highly structured method to get programmers to produce more working code quickly, when someone from the marketing department says "''agile''" it often means "''We don't know what we're supposed to be producing, so we'll just chuck some stuff together, and keep those bits that the customer says he likes. We'll then do it all over again until we've got something that he'll pay for.''" "''Lean''" is supposed to mean that a business keeps its costs as low as possible, employing one person to do marketing and PR, not really having a Human Resources department, etc. But, in practice it often becomes "''Keep as little stock as possible so that we don't have a lot of money tied up in it, and don't need a big warehouse; make stuff just before it is supposed to ship so that we don't have to store it either; make frequent prayers and virgin sacrifices to whatever gods we can find to ensure that nothing slips up anywhere along the line that our lawyers can't get us out of.''"

See also [[1117: My Sky]].

==Transcript==
:[A man approaches Beret Guy at a party and they extend arms to shake hands. Beret Guy is holding a metal briefcase. Ponytail is a waitress in the background, carrying a tray with a wine glass on it.]
:Connr: I'm Connr Clark, CTO at Eusocial Media Ventures.
:Beret Guy: I'm a business professional! Earlier I photocopied a burrito!

:[Connr hands Beret Guy a business card. Beret Guy takes it and hands Connr another business card. Beret Guy has put his suitcase on the floor.]
:Connr: You should check us out! Here's my card.
:Beret Guy: Here's mine! Networking!

:[Connr takes a closer look at the card, and Beret Guy holds up his case.]
:Connr: ...this just says "This is my business card!"
:Beret Guy: Do you like it? I have more in my handlebox.

:[Beret Guy puts his case on a table and opens it to reveal it is full of cash. Connr looks on in shock.]
:Connr: Uh, that's ok, I think I'll—
:Beret Guy: Here, have ten of them!
:Connr: —holy shit that thing is full of ''cash!''

:[Connr raises his arms in excitement. Beret Guy turns to face him and chews on Connr's business card.]
:Connr: Where did you ''get'' that?
:Beret Guy: I am a business grown-up who makes business profits!
:Connr: That's like a quarter of a million dollars!
:Beret Guy: Yay! Business is fun! Do you have more of your cards? They're ''delicious!''

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Beret Guy's Business]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]

Talk:756: Public Opinion

2018-09-08T13:32:48Z

141.101.107.78:

"It's rare to see a comic without comments on the explainxkcd page for it."

Talk:1912: Thermostat

2017-11-06T10:36:19Z

141.101.107.78:

Maybe the the last sentence is about moses parting the sea so he can walk through it.[[Special:Contributions/162.158.91.221|162.158.91.221]] 05:55, 6 November 2017 (UTC)
: I interpreted it that way. In computing, partitioning separates parts of a drive that are to be used for different purposes, so parallels might be drawn there. - [[User:Emmia|Emmia]] ([[User talk:Emmia|talk]]) 07:24, 6 November 2017 (UTC)
: Not so sure about that. It's possible, I guess, but it's not obviously funny. I think it's more related to the title text about the helpline operative being afraid to upset whatever god of technology has cursed him with this unfathomable tech problem, and suggesting to him that the situation is so dire he may as well just end it all. (Obviously overreacting, as the failure of an IoT-enabled thermostat is definitely a First World Problem and not the horrendous event the characters are considering it to be.) 09:57, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

I think there's additional humor to the extent of his boot problems. Monthly Energy Report (1).doc would be a normal document a smart thermostat may create. But if it became a boot volume it'd brick the device.

I believe Cueball has accidentally discovered that the thermostat—supposedly simple device—is actually doing surveillance on the house (and is poorly coded). Now the tech support guy is astounded by the fact that somebody has found out, but then promptly suggests suicide in a non-direct manner to clean up evidence, covering this is with religious explanation. [[Special:Contributions/172.68.244.24|172.68.244.24]] 06:37, 6 November 2017 (UTC)
I'm not sure about the surveillance. It seems to me that the .doc is somehow a record of power usage of the thermostat. However, it remains to be determined a. why it is running Android b. why it is mounting and booting a .doc c. how it got there [[Special:Contributions/162.158.106.12|162.158.106.12]] 07:11, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

I took it as a variation on this joke in HHG:
: "Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans."
...Which in the BBC TV series was accompanied by visuals of Douglas Adams himself walking into the ocean. --[[Special:Contributions/172.68.86.58|172.68.86.58]] 07:27, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

Might be a reference to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nest_learning_thermostat Nest Thermostat], which like Android is an Alphabet thing. While Nest doesn't run Android, its OS is Linux-based like Android. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.246.89|108.162.246.89]] 08:07, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

While reading the title text my first thought was http://americangods.wikia.com/wiki/Technical_Boy [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 08:16, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

Not sure if "Android error screen" deserves emphasis in the explanation, as lately many very simple devices have Android, it shouldn't be surprising to find a thermostat running it. [[User:Fvalves|Fvalves]] ([[User talk:Fvalves|talk]]) 10:12, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

https://xkcd.com/349/ also mentions tech issues and the sea. --[[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 10:36, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

Talk:1403: Thesis Defense

2017-04-25T21:13:33Z

141.101.107.78:

Sorry, but if your best defense is frightening counter attack a good offense will destroy you. The best defense is a good offense because a weakened or destroyed opponent can mount no offense.[[Special:Contributions/173.245.48.132|173.245.48.132]] 05:58, 4 August 2014 (UTC)BluDgeons

:Depends on type of counter attack. For example, the best defense against missiles is to fire anti-missile missiles, which may be seen as type of attack. Of course, the phrase is older than missiles, but I believe similar principles applied: not retaliation nor first strike, but attacking the enemy units which are trying to attack you. Alternatively, attacking enemy army supply lines may also force it to interrupt her attack on you. -- [[User:Hkmaly|Hkmaly]] ([[User talk:Hkmaly|talk]]) 10:22, 4 August 2014 (UTC)

::No. Anti-missile missiles are an absolutely dreadful defense agaisnt missiles. Their success rate is well below 100% and has only recently risen above 0%. The actual best defense against missiles is to blow them up on the ground, before they are launched, i.e. An offensive attack. [[User:JamesCurran|JamesCurran]] ([[User talk:JamesCurran|talk]]) 20:12, 4 August 2014 (UTC)

::: You've clearly never heard of Iron Dome, Israel's missile defense system. It has crazy high success rates. I've seen it in action myself, it is glorious. --[[User:NeatNit|NeatNit]] ([[User talk:NeatNit|talk]]) 04:24, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

:::: Israel has to fire two Iron Dome missiles ($50,000 dollars each) to intercept each Qassam rocket (roughly $500 dollars), so this is a terrible example as a well resourced attacker can easily overwhelm a defender. Maybe in another decade with lasers, cheaper interceptors and rail guns the equation might have changed. {{unsigned ip|141.101.99.167}}

::::: I would say that it's better to fire two $50,000 dollar missiles than to let the rocket explode, kill several people and demolish $200,000 building. -- [[User:Hkmaly|Hkmaly]] ([[User talk:Hkmaly|talk]]) 10:15, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

:::::: Adage might refer to guerilla/hit-and-run tactics, which are also mentioned in Sun Tzu's Art of War (cut off supply chain, is one instance). -[[User:Vorik111|Vorik111]] ([[User talk:Vorik111|talk]]) 16:19, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

The expression is based on a concept that is military and ancient, but I wonder if the expression itself, in English, originated with American football, sometime since the game's birth in the 1860s. It is so specifically applicable to this game, where a team's defense and offense are completely separate units, run separately and spoken of separately and yet an extremely effective way to keep the opponent from scoring is to maintain possession of the ball while the game clock ticks down. [[User:Wrybred|Wrybred]] ([[User talk:Wrybred|talk]]) 13:18, 4 August 2014 (UTC)wrybred

: While it is applicable in most attacking sports, then I seriously doubt that it originated in American Football -- I has been some time since I read {{w|Sun Tzu}}'s {{w|The Art of War}} which is one of the oldest texts in existence, but I suspect it may already be in there predating anything else [[User:Spongebog|Spongebog]] ([[User talk:Spongebog|talk]]) 22:05, 4 August 2014 (UTC)

May or may not also be inspired by Studio C: Thesis Defense http://youtu.be/Lrlro3YJ15o Teagan N {{unsigned ip|173.245.48.134}}

Can anyone make out what's written on the board? {{unsigned ip|141.101.105.220}}
: No, probably not -- [[User:Spongebog|Spongebog]] ([[User talk:Spongebog|talk]]) 21:57, 4 August 2014 (UTC)

: My best guess after resizing the image a few times is
:: [The|To] [F|Falcons?] [at|of] [T|Times?]
:: [D|Displays?] [a|is|its] [M|Moods?]
:: [by?] {illegible first name (short maybe Meg)} {illegible surname (long)
:: [C|{illegible}] [the] {illegible 1 short word 1 long word or only 1 long word}
:: {illegible mid size word} {illegible short word maybe is} {illegible short word a} {illegible} {illegible} {{unsigned|Meerkat}}

: Looks to me like "The Evolution of [Thesis/Turtle] Displays & Moods" something illegible, probably her name, followed by "Candidate for [illegible]"[[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.52|141.101.98.52]]

: I read "The Evolution of Threat Displays in Murder" as the topic after lots of enlargement.[[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.207|173.245.54.207]] 14:30, 4 August 2014 (UTC)
::I'm with this reading. It's logical, too. Megan's actions, being about as far as you can go in the direction of Murderous Threat Displays, are a natural "conclusion" to her presentation.--[[User:Laverock|Laverock]] ([[User talk:Laverock|talk]]) 15:43, 5 August 2014 (UTC)

: I think it says "The Evolution of Throat Dipthongs in Murder". I'm no linguist, but if "AAAAAA" is said in an undulating fashion, it would qualify as a dipthong. Thus the presentation is incomplete without the yell. {{unsigned ip|108.162.219.154}}

: Going off on the poster above me and taking into account the topic of the comic, I think it is probably "The Evolution of Thesis Displays in Murder" [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.185|141.101.98.185]] 08:41, 5 August 2014 (UTC)

Thanks! Came here today for this, created account to say thanks :) [[User:Mathiastck|Mathiastck]] ([[User talk:Mathiastck|talk]]) 18:18, 4 August 2014 (UTC)
: You'r welcome [[User:Spongebog|Spongebog]] ([[User talk:Spongebog|talk]]) 21:59, 4 August 2014 (UTC)

"In conclusion" suggests she's almost finished with her presentation. I wonder what the panel thought of her holding a sword many times thicker than her stick-body for the duration of her defense.[[User:Alanbbent|Alanbbent]] ([[User talk:Alanbbent|talk]]) 00:00, 5 August 2014 (UTC)
: "In conclusion" is the APA style of creating a summary section -- hence she has just finished her presentation, and she is now moving on to the questions-answers with the examiners defending her thesis. [[Special:Contributions/199.27.133.6|199.27.133.6]] 13:57, 5 August 2014 (UTC)

;Incomplete?

looks to me that this pretty complete -- remove the incomplete tag? [[User:Spongebog|Spongebog]] ([[User talk:Spongebog|talk]]) 22:50, 4 August 2014 (UTC)

It's still missing the presentation text. [[User:cDave]] {{unsigned|CDave}}

:I don't think anyone can read it. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.201|173.245.54.201]] 03:46, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

:I'm surprised noone has referred to the transcript in the page source. It officially says, "The evolution of threat defence in mammals." [[Special:Contributions/173.245.62.73|173.245.62.73]] 06:09, 6 August 2014 (UTC)
:: Excellent observation -- I have changed the transcript to use the words from the site itself -- the transcript sections has been lacking on xkcd.com lately, which is why people probably don't check them any more. [[User:Spongebog|Spongebog]] ([[User talk:Spongebog|talk]]) 19:01, 6 August 2014 (UTC)
:::I'm sorry, but I did revert this change because it was bad layout and the title text has not to be included. Right now I did find the transcript by Randall so I will update it again. --[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 20:47, 6 August 2014 (UTC)
:::Great find, the proper update to the transcript is done. This new statement has to be explained.--[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 21:00, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

The best defence is to own an empire. If it is big enough it never sleeps and if it is happy enough it will counteract any threat given enough time and resources. Big enough empires generally have enough time and resources. The problem with empires is the problem with all powerful entities: Power Corrupts. That is a different adage and comparing metaphors about defence and power can mislead or change the argument not resolve the statement "" the best defence.... etc".[[User:Weatherlawyer|Weatherlawyer]] ([[User talk:Weatherlawyer|talk]]) 18:46, 8 January 2015 (UTC)

Sad story: in 1996, a grad student actually did murder people during his thesis defense: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Diego_State_University_shooting [[Special:Contributions/162.158.56.59|162.158.56.59]] 18:39, 10 December 2015 (UTC)

The title text may also refer to Stephen Sondheim's song "Putting it Together," in which the singer lists ad nauseum the minutiae of preparing and marketing a work of art, which is analagous to preparing a thesis and its defense. The final line is "and that is the state of the art", ending with a long, high note.[[Special:Contributions/162.158.255.220|162.158.255.220]] 06:41, 4 January 2017 (UTC)

As an irrelevant aside, in Finland you get awarded a sword for a successful PhD... And a slightly less impressive hat [[Special:Contributions/141.101.107.78|141.101.107.78]] 21:13, 25 April 2017 (UTC)

1824: Identification Chart

2017-04-14T07:55:21Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 1824
| date = April 14, 2017
| title = Identification Chart
| image = identification_chart.png
| titletext = Be careful-it's breeding season, and some of these can be *extremely* defensive of their nests.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a BOT - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
Some aircraft are named after animals, including {{w|bird of prey|birds of prey}}, other birds, and insects. This comic presents an "identification guide" of silhouettes, each with the {{w|fuselage}} of an aircraft and the wings of the flying animal from which the aircraft gets its name. All are birds with the exception of the {{w|hornet|hornet}} that is an insect. This would be absurd if it was a cyborg or a plane with the feathers designed, as bird wings are usually made to support the lightweight structure of a bird and supporting the parts of a plane with its human pilot would be impossible.{{Citation needed}}

{| class="wikitable"
!Name
!Plane
!Explain
|-
|{{w|Osprey|Osprey}}
|{{w|Bell_Boeing_V-22_Osprey|V-22 Osprey}}
|
|-
|{{w|Hornet|Hornet}}
|{{w|McDonnell_Douglas_F/A-18_Hornet|F/A-18 Hornet}}
|
|-
|{{w|Falcon|Falcon}}
|{{w|General_Dynamics_F-16_Fighting_Falcon|F-16 Falcon}}
|
|-
|{{w|Harrier|Harrier}}
|{{w|Harrier_Jump_Jet|Harrier_Jump_Jet}}
|
|-
|{{w|Eagle|Eagle}}
|{{w|McDonnell_Douglas_F-15_Eagle|F-15 Eagle}}
|
|-
|{{w|Kestrel|Kestrel}}
|{{w|Kestrel_K-350|Kestrel_K-350}}
|
|-
|{{w|Hawk|Hawk}}
|{{w|BAE_Systems_Hawk|Hawk T1}}
|
|-
|{{w|Blackbird|Blackbird}}
|{{w|Lockheed_SR-71_Blackbird|SR-71 Blackbird}}
|
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

{{comic discussion}}

1799: Bad Map Projection: Time Zones

2017-02-16T08:10:55Z

141.101.107.78: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 1799
| date = February 15, 2017
| title = Bad Map Projection: Time Zones
| image = bad_map_projection_time_zones.png
| titletext = This is probably the first projection in cartographic history that can be criticized for its disproportionate focus on Finland, Mongolia, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
}}
*A [http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_time_zones_2x.png double sized version] of this image can be found by clicking the image at xkcd.com - the comic's page can also be accessed by clicking on the comic number above.
*Recent comics always have a larger (often the original) drawing using ''_2x'' added to the file name to indicate a different size. Modern browsers decide which resolution is shown. But at this comic the larger version is also clickable on the image. See much more details on this under the expanded explanation for the [[:Category:Large drawings|large drawings category]].

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|[[#Table of countries and their timezones|Table]] needs to be filled out for each country, both named and unnamed that are shown in the map with explanation of its timezone and why it looks as it does on the map. (Especially Russia, China and Greenland as well as those from title text needs explanation like that). Some of the info already given in the explanation could be moved to the table.}}

This is the second comic in the series of [[:Category:Bad Map Projections|Bad Map Projections]]. The first was released just over a month before this one and was called [[1784: Bad Map Projection: Liquid Resize]]. "Liquid Resize" was #107, while this comic features #79, so either [[Randall]] has put them in arbitrary order or he is counting up from least to most terrible. (The liquid resize one is purely aesthetic, whereas this one at least conveys some meaningful information.)

Conceptually, the series is a comment on the fact that there is no perfect way to draw a map of the world on a flat piece of paper. Each one will introduce a different type of distortion, and the best projection for a given situation is sometimes very disputed. Randall previously explored 12 different projections in [[977: Map Projections]], and expressed his disdain for some types he sees as less efficient but whose users feel superior. None of them are really good as any 2D map projection will always distort in a way the spherical reality, and a map projection that is useful for one aspect (like navigation, geographical shapes and masses visualization, etc.) will not be so for all the others. Local maps of smaller areas can be quite accurate, but the idea of both these map projection comics is to map the entire globe on a flat surface.

Randall, being Randall, runs with the idea. He has made yet another map projection that is not only inaccurate, but utterly unusable, though less so than the previous one.

This comic shows a {{w|Map projection|map projection}} in which countries are placed according to the {{w|Time zone|time zones}} that they fall under. Based on the way the Sun shines on the Earth, these time zones, which are based on the sun's position in the sky, would best be divided by roughly longitudinal (North-to-South Pole) lines.

However, this is not the case in practice, as the defined time zones tend to have very jagged boundaries. Since [[Randall]] knows he cannot fix the boundaries of the time zones, he instead "fixes" the world by making a map appear to match up with the time zone system. This results in bizarre distortions such as the large, gum-like strands of Greenland and enormous gulfs in parts of northern Russia.

The effect of this map is "punish" large countries with a single time zone - for instance, China, which uses UTC+8 across the whole country - and countries that share large time zones - for instance, almost all of Europe is packed into the Central European UTC+1 zone - by shrinking these down. Conversely, countries that span multiple time zones are stretched out - for example, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, as pointed out in the alt-text - as are those that belong to very small time zones - Finland and the Baltic states look huge because they are the only countries using the UTC+2 Eastern Europe time.

Other map projections distort countries this way as well, but based on their actual physical location as opposed to their position on imaginary time zones. The {{w|Mercator projection}} is infamous for distorting Greenland in this way, to the point that it appears to be larger than Africa despite being nowhere near the same size.

The title text lampoons the fact that the same phenomenon occurs on Randall's bad map projection, but for countries that do not tend to experience this on typical projections. Several smaller countries such as Finland, Mongolia, and the DRC, appear much larger than their actual size due to being stretched across time zone boundaries.

See the [[#Table of countries and their timezones|table]] below for lots more information on the comic, but here are some further details.

Some countries look especially odd. Greenland gets some jutting out points - these are the towns of {{w|Danmarkshavn}} (UTC) and {{w|Ittoqqortoormiit}} (UTC-1), which use different time zones to the rest of the island - while Russia gets big holes in it in places where there is a 2 hour time zone difference between states. For instance, in reality {{w|Komi}} and {{w|Khanty-Mansi}} touch each other. However, Komi uses Moscow time (UTC+3) and Khanty-Mansi uses Yekaterinburg Time (UTC+5). There is no state between them using UTC+4, so Randall draws a big gap in northern Russia here.

The map is imperfect since it doesn't allow for half-hour time zones (India, for instance, is on UTC+5.5). Instead, countries that use fractional time zones are shifted so they straddle the two time zones, and are then marked with an asterisk (*). There's also no mention of daylight savings - all countries shown are given the base winter time. Depending on the time of year, countries will shift around - around June, many northern hemisphere countries will move east, while some southern hemisphere countries will move east around December. Randall attempts to preserve adjacencies where possible - for instance, Chad and Sudan are neighbors even though Chad uses West Africa Time (UTC+1) and Sudan uses East Africa Time (UTC+3). Randall draws an extremely thin strand connecting the countries though Central/South Africa Time (UTC+2), even though no part of Chad or Sudan uses this time. Similarly, a thin strand of Kazakhstan and Turkmenistan is shown projecting into the UTC+4 time zone in order to separate Russia and Iran, which do not really share a border.

Australia has most of these peculiar timezone as there is a section in the center of Australia with half hour time zone, so it's marked with the *, but it is not the entire country, so the * is not behind the name as it is for instance with India. Also, the only extra detail mentioned in the map is for Australia. It is the {{w|UTC%2B08:45|UTC+8:45}} time zone that are listed, used only by 5 roadhouses in South Australia and Western Australia covering a population of only a few hundred people.

There are several labeling errors in the map. See [[#Errors|below]].

==Table of countries and their timezones==
*This table should include all countries not just those labeled.
**Also continents should be mentioned as they are also more or less distorted not necessarily depending on the distortion of the countries within.
*The labels used should be noted first, and the full country name (with wiki link) should be mentioned if abbreviations has been used in a bracket after.
*Timezone(s) for the country should be listed.
*Clear distortion shown in the image should be described
*Explanation for that based on timezone as well as other interesting details can be noted.

{| class="wikitable"
! Country/Continent
! Timezone(s)
! Distortions
! Explanation
|-
| Add more - just several examples made so far: || || ||
|-
| BEL ({{w|Belarus}}) || UTC+3 || || Belarus lies entirely in the UTC+3 timezone yet the map depicts a small strip of land in the UTC+2 zone. This is most likely to allow for Belarus to have a common border with Poland even though the countries do not have two consecutive timezones (Poland uses UTC+1)
|-
| {{w|China}} || UTC+8 || Heavily squashed horizontally, with finger-like tendrils to the west || All of China is in UTC+8. However, it reaches as far west as Tajikistan, in UTC+5, and even has an extremely short border with Afghanistan in UTC+4.5. A border is also shown with Pakistan - this is disputed by some who support India in the {{w|Kashmir conflict}}, but represents the ''de facto'' {{w|Line of Control}} between India and Pakistan.
|-
| {{w|Central Europe}}/{{w|Western Europe}} (not labeled) || UTC+0 – UTC+3 || Compressed with the countries of central and western Europe pressed closer in east-west direction while eastern countries are stretched in all directions. ||
{{w|Portugal}} is the only country in mainland Europe which uses UTC+0 – that's why it sticks out a bit towards the British Isles which use UTC+0 as well. {{w|Iceland}} is here, too.

Most of Europe uses UTC+1 but these countries in reality spread over a much larger area than just one zone. This is why central and western countries are so compressed. {{w|Svalbard}} archipelago in the Arctic Ocean also belongs here.

The eastern countries (except Belarus and the European part of Russia but not the Kaliningrad exclave) use UTC+2. These are: {{w|Finland}}, {{w|Latvia}}, {{w|Estonia}}, {{w|Lithuania}}, {{w|Belarus}}, {{w|Moldova}}, {{w|Ukraine}}, {{w|Bulgaria}}, {{w|Romania}} and {{w|Greece}}. In reality, they occupy a smaller area on the map, but on Randall's map they are stretched to fill the UTC+2 zone strip.

Belarus, most of the European part of Russia and Crimea use UTC+3. See below for peculiarities regarding Russia and Ukraine.

Finland looks specifically distorted, partly because in reality it borders with {{w|Norway}} on the north, and Norway uses UTC+1. On Randall's map Norway is compressed into UTC+1 strip and Finland suddenly got some coast on Barents Sea. Poland (abbreviated ''POL.'' on the map) and Belarus (''BEL'') have common border but differ by two time zones, Poland uses UTC+1 but Belarus uses UTC+3 (Moscow time). Therefore on the map they have protruding 'fingers', touching one another, squeezed between Lithuania and Latvia on the north and Ukraine on the south.

Randall got Turkey a bit wrong, however: its European part is stretched into UTC+2 zone, but in reality Turkey uses UTC+3 on its whole territory.
|-
| {{w|Greenland}}|| UTC-4 – UTC+0 || Two landmasses strechted from the rest of the country || Greenland stretches from UTC-4 to UTC+0 with most of the country being UTC-3. UTC-4 is only applicable to Thule Air Base in the southern part of the Hayes-Peninsula, while UTC-1 and UTC+0 are used in smaller areas on the east coast of Greenland. Even though UTC-2 is not used in Greenland at all, the country is depicted as a single landmass with two small strips of land connecting the UTC-1 and UTC+0 landmasses. These two strips should be considered infinitesimally thin but depicted to clarify the two areas are not separate islands but connected with the rest of Greenland.
|-
| {{w|Iceland}} || UTC+0 || No shape distortions, but different location. || Iceland, even if it geographically lies mostly within the UTC-1 time zone, uses UTC+0. It is therefore moved east on Randall's map.
|-
| {{w|Ireland}} || UTC+0 || None. || Ireland uses UTC+0 as the rest of British Isles.
|-
| {{w|Kazakhstan}} || UTC+5 – UTC+6 || Vertically: stretched in eastern part, squeezed in western part. Horizontally: squeezed in eastern part, stretched in western part|| UTC+5 is used in the smaller western part and UTC+6 in the larger eastern part. The division goes more or less along the 60th meridian. On Randall's map its shape is heavily distorted, because in the bordering Russia only one small part, namely Omsk oblast, uses UTC+6 – therefore the eastern part of Kazakhstan is squeezed to fit. On the other hand, the western part of Kazakhstan borders with parts of Russia using as far as UTC+3, which is depicted by a long west-reaching finger. Kazakhstan has a significant part of {{w|Caspian Sea}} coast, but here it has only a tiny stretch.
|-
| {{w|Madagascar}} || UTC+3 || None. || Madagascar has the correct shape and position.
|-
| {{w|New Zealand}} || UTC+12 || None. || The main islands use UTC+12. There is a small archipelago under New Zealand's rule, the {{w|Chatham Islands}}, which use non-standard UTC+12:45 time, but it is too small to depict.
|-
| {{w|Russia}} || UTC+2 – UTC+12 || Three deep troughs almost cutting Russia into pieces, but not quite, also eastern parts stick out of proportion relative to Eastern Asian countries. ||
Russia has {{w|Time_in_Russia|a peculiar}} usage of time zones, therefore it is the most distorted country on Randall's map. It covers eleven time zones but uses them very unevenly. Each of {{w|Federal subjects of Russia|constituent entities}} of Russia (also called federal subjects) uses a specific time zone throughout its territory, the only exception being Yakutia, the largest administrative subdivision, which spans three time zones. The timezone assignments are quite arbitrary, however.

* UTC+2 ({{w|Kaliningrad_Time|MSK-1}}) is used in {{w|Kaliningrad Oblast}} only, an {{w|exclave}} on {{w|Baltic Sea}} between {{w|Poland}} and {{w|Lithuania}}. On Randall's map it can be seen as a small green patch north-east of Poland.
* UTC+3 ({{w|Moscow_Time|MSK+0}}) is used throughout most of the European part of Russia including Northern Caucasian republics, covering 49 constituent entities of the Russian Federation in total. These parts make up the easternmost mass of Russia on Randall's map, stretching from the {{w|Black Sea}} in the south including the area between the Black Sea and {{w|Caspian Sea}} to the {{w|White Sea|White}}, {{w|Barents Sea|Barents}} and {{w|Kara Sea|Kara}} seas in the north and includes the arctic archipelagoes of {{w|Novaya Zemlya}} and {{w|Franz Josef Land}} as seen in the upper part of the map.
* UTC+4 ({{w|Samara_Time|MSK+1}}) is used in {{w|Udmurtia}}, {{w|Astrakhan Oblast}}, {{w|Samara Oblast}}, {{w|Saratov Oblast}} and {{w|Ulyanovsk Oblast}}, forming three disjoint areas lying more or less along the Ural mountains on their western side. Astrakhan Oblast has coast on the Caspian Sea. Saratov and Samara oblasts have a common border and lie somewhat to the north-east of Astrakhan Oblast. Udmurtia lies still somewhat to the north. On Randal's map they are represented by a patch of land north-east to the Caspian Sea. Further north there's a huge 'bay' reflecting the time-gap between northern parts of Russia that use either UTC+3 or UTC+5 but not UTC+4, even if they are adjacent to each other.
* UTC+5 ({{w|Yekaterinburg_Time|MSK+2}}) is used by the administrative subdivisions lying on and close to {{w|Ural mountains}}, both on western and eastern sides of them, also covering major part of {{w|West_Siberian_Plain|Western Siberia}}. These include {{w|Bashkortostan}}, {{w|Perm Krai}}, {{w|Kurgan Oblast}}, {{w|Orenburg Oblast}}, {{w|Sverdlovsk Oblast}}, {{w|Tyumen Oblast}}, {{w|Chelyabinsk Oblast}}, {{w|Khanty-Mansi Autonomous Okrug}} and {{w|Yamalo-Nenets Autonomous Okrug}}. The lands are represented on the Randall's map by the second-from-the-left major land mass within Russia. These parts border mostly with areas utilizing either UTC+3 or UTC+7, therefore Randall has drawn huge patches of sea on both sides. In the north, one can recognize somewhat distorted shapes of the {{w|Yamal Peninsula|Yamal}} and {{w|Gydan_Peninsula|Gydan}} peninsulas.
* UTC+6 ({{w|Omsk_Time|MSK+3}}) is used solely in the {{w|Omsk Oblast}} in the southeastern {{w|Siberia}}, bordering {{w|Kazakhstan}}. On Randall's map it is shown as a strip of land joining the second and the third land mass from the left, just to the left of the ''RUSSIA'' inscription. However, taking account of the relatively small area of the Omsk Oblast, it should have been much thinner.
* UTC+7 ({{w|Krasnoyarsk_Time|MSK+4}}) is used in federal subjects located in the central and parts of eastern and western Siberia: {{w|Altai Republic}}, {{w|Tuva}} Republic, Republic of {{w|Khakassia}}, {{w|Altai Krai}}, {{w|Krasnoyarsk Krai}}, {{w|Kemerovo Oblast}}, {{w|Novosibirsk Oblast}} and {{w|Tomsk Oblast}}. These lands border mostly with areas using non-adjacent time zones, namely UTC+5 and UTC+9, and therefore form the tallest pillar on the Randall's depiction of Russia between two large seas. This part of Randall's Russia also has a strange thin strip of land going south and touching China's tendril just between Kazakhstan and {{w|Mongolia}} – this is to represent the fact that there is a short length of Russian-Chinese border there. There rest of the border is depicted elsewhere, see below. {{w|Taymyr Peninsula}} and {{w|Severnaya Zemlya}} archipelago can be seen atop that area of the map.
* UTC+8 ({{w|Irkutsk_Time|MSK+5}}) is used in {{w|Buryatia}} and {{w|Irkutsk Oblast}} only, which lie in eastern Siberia, on both sides of {{w|Lake Baikal}} (not shown on the map). This is represented by a patch located just northwest of a protruding fragment of China, which shares the time zone with these parts; however neither Buryatia nor Irkutsk Oblast border with China.
* UTC+9 ({{w|Yakutsk_Time|MSK+6}}) is used in {{w|Amur Oblast}}, {{w|Zabaykalsky Krai}} and in most of Yakutia also known as the {{w|Sakha Republic}}. On Randall's map this time zone is joined together with the remaining three eastern time zones forming a strange shape connected to the rest of Asia with a weird-looking isthmus. This is actually the part of Russia that has the longest part of the border with China along the {{w|Amur River}}, but here it is torn away because of the strange map 'projection'. {{w|New Siberian Islands}} are depicted in the far north.
* UTC+10 ({{w|Vladivostok_Time|MSK+7}}) is used in north-eastern parts of Yakutia, {{w|Jewish Autonomous Oblast}}, {{w|Khabarovsk Krai}} and {{w|Primorsky Krai}}. In reality these parts (except Yakutia) all border with China, all the way down to North Korea. On Randall's depiction they are torn away from Chinese border to represent time zone difference. The strange hook is the southernmost part of Primorsky Krai with the big haven of {{w|Vladivostok}}, the tip of the hook shall actually touch North Korea in reality.
* UTC+11 ({{w|Magadan_Time|MSK+8}}) is used in extreme north-eastern parts of Yakutia, {{w|Magadan Oblast}} and {{w|Sakhalin Oblast}}. The {{w|Sakhalin}} island is clearly recognizable in this strip of the map, but it is far removed from {{w|Japan}} which lies next to it in reality. The shape of the {{w|Sea of Okhotsk}} is somewhat recognizable, and the location of {{w|Magadan}} is clearly seen as a small hook on the shoreline near Kamchatka.
* UTC+12 ({{w|Kamchatka_Time|MSK+9}}) is used in {{w|Kamchatka Krai}} and {{w|Chukotka Autonomous Okrug}}. This is probably the least distorted part of Russia, the characteristic shapes of {{w|Kamchatka_Peninsula|Kamchatka}} and {{w|Chukchi_Peninsula|Chukchi}} peninsulas are totally recognizable.

A notable thing is that Russian railways use Moscow time (UTC+3) exclusively, all timetables are expressed in this time, even in the most remote eastern parts of Russia. You'd better know your local time zone while awaiting your train at the station.
|-
| UK ({{w|United Kingdom}}) || UTC+0 || None. || The country is fully within the single time zone used for the country. UK defined the timezones so their time zone is by definition the one with UTC+0 (or GMT).
|-
| {{w|Ukraine}} || UTC+2 (UTC+3 in disputed regions) || Crimea stretched away from the rest of the country. || Since the {{w|annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation}}, the peninsula has used Moscow time (UTC+3). The sovereignty of Crimea is disputed, but it is currently ''de facto'' controlled by Russia, and Randall colors it like Russia. Two breakaway provinces in the east, Donetsk and Luhansk, also use Moscow time. These are not shown.
|-
| Copy this line and the line above and set in directly under another entry || || ||
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|As long as the transcript tl;dr discussion is in progress}}

:Bad map projection #79:
:<big>Time Zones</big>
:Where each country '''''should''''' be,
:based on its time zone(s)

:[A world map is shown divided and colored by political boundaries. Antarctica is not included. Bodies of water are white. The map is clearly distorted, with Europe and Africa in the center, but not all continents or countries look wrong. Africa, Australia and North America seem least distorted. But the bottom part of of South America is very slim, Greenland has two chewing gum like blobs stretched away from it to the right, Iceland is over the UK, and most of Europe has been compressed. Finland is too large though. In Africa especially Dem. Rep. the Congo has been enlarged. The worst distortion is in Asia, where especially Russia looks weird with three deep troughs down the length of the country and the end to the right seems to be much longer than usually. But also China is completely wrong as it has been compressed, Mongolia taking up most of its usual position.]

:[Most countries over a certain size have their name listed in a gray font. Small countries like Ireland and Haiti has their name listed in the oceans around them. Most other countries have the name inside the country, but if there is not enough room abbreviations are used. There are also a few specialties mentioned when time zones are not divided in full hours, for instance a footnote regarding time zones with a half hour offset.]

:[North America. Newfoundland, the most easterly part of Canada, is labeled with a star *:]
:Canada, *, United States, Mexico, Gua., Hon., Nic., C.R., Cuba, Haiti, Jam., Pan., D.R.

:[South America:]
:Colombia, Peru, Venezuela, Guyana, Brazil, Bolivia, Par., Chile, F.G., Suriname, Uruguay, Argentina

:[Europe:]
:Greenland, Iceland, Ireland, UK, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Ger., Pol., France, Spain, It., Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Ukraine, Romania, Bulgaria, Russia, Bel.

:[Africa:]
:W.S., Morocco, Mauritania, Sen., Mali, Gb., Guin., S.L., B.F., Liberia, Côte d'Ivoire, Ghana, Tunisia, Algeria, Niger, Nigeria, Chad, Cam., C.A.R., E.G., Gabon, R. of Congo, Angola, Namibia, Libya, Egypt, Dem. Rep. of the Congo, Zambia, Zimb., Bots., Mozambique, South Africa, Sudan, S.S., Ethiopia, Somalia, Kenya, Tanzania, Madagascar

:[Asia:]
:Turkey, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Iran*, Oman, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Afghanistan*, Pakistan, India*, Kazakhstan, Taj., Nepal*, Ban., Russia, Mongolia, Bur.*, Laos, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, China, Philippines, Malaysia, N.K.*, S.K., Japan

:[Australia/Oceania. In Australia there is a star * in the middle of it above the name:]
:<nowiki>*</nowiki>, Australia, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand

:[Below Australia there is an arrow pointing to the south coast and below that a footnote for the stars * used above:]
:UTC+8:45
:(One small area)
:<nowiki>*</nowiki>=Half-hour offset

===Errors===
* Randall mixes up Morocco and Western Sahara (a disputed territory)
* {{w|East Thrace}}, the European portion of Turkey, is shown in Eastern European time (UTC+2). Actually, like the rest of Turkey, it uses UTC+3
* Suriname and French Guiana also have switched labels.
* Nepal's time zone is UTC+5:45
* Estonia is shown sharing a border with Finland - in fact, the two countries are separated by the {{w|Gulf of Finland}}. This sea should run to {{w|St Petersburg}} in Russia - instead, the city is shown as landlocked.
* Norway should border Russia. See {{w|Norway–Russia border}}.
* Tajikistan should not border Kazakhstan and follows UTC+5 rather than UTC+6. These would apply to Kyrgyzstan which is not drawn in the map; Kyrgyzstan however does not border Afghanistan.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Large drawings]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Maps]]
[[Category:Bad Map Projections]]