explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

2466: In Your Classroom

2021-07-18T12:02:49Z

141.101.98.168: /* Table of subjects */

{{comic
| number = 2466
| date = May 21, 2021
| title = In Your Classroom
| image = in_your_classroom.png
| titletext = Ontology is way off to the left and geography is way off to the right.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a QUASAR IN YOUR CLASSROOM. The table is still a work in progress. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
[[Randall]] has created a thought experiment and corresponding chart about school courses. The idea is, "the subject of the class appears in the classroom" and the chart compares how dangerous and how unusual that would be.

In the title text two points that are off the chart to the left and right are also mentioned. See details about all the subjects in the [[#Table of subjects|table]] below.

Note that Randall uses similar diagrams in each of [[388: Fuck Grapefruit]], [[1242: Scary Names]] and [[1501: Mysteries]], which also contain different items. They also have extra points mentioned in the title text. In the first two comics the points are also off the chart, whereas for the last the description of the point is too long to fit on the chart. Extra info outside the chart is also used in the title text of [[1785: Wifi]], but this is a line graph.

==Table of subjects==
{| class="wikitable"
|+Breakdown of Subjects
|-
!Course Topic
!Weirdness
!Badness
!Explanation
|-

!scope=row|Atmospheric Physics
|0%
|0%
|Absent very strange and unprecedented circumstances, every classroom has an atmosphere, and this is very good, because humans cannot survive without one.
|-

!scope=row|Ethics
|25%
|0%
|Ethical thinking and behavior are widely considered good and should normally be present in education, but are sadly not universal.
|-

!scope=row|Education
|0%
|10%
|Learning usually goes on in classrooms, so education as a concept is both being learned about and present in the form of learning itself.
|-

!scope=row|Bibliography
|25%
|7%
|Bibliography is the study of books, and books are normally present in classrooms, particularly bibliography classrooms.
|-

!scope=row|Human Physiology
|0%
|20%
|This comic assumes that there are humans learning in the classroom, which was true at the time this comic was published, although in many places at the time the comic was published, many classrooms were closed due to COVID-19 restrictions.
|-

!scope=row|Public Speaking
|25%
|15%
|Some classes require students to present things in front of the class, which is likely a requirement in a public speaking class. Thus, public speaking itself would be present in the class.
Some classes also have a teacher talking or presenting to the students from the front of the class, another form of public speaking.
|-

!scope=row|Architecture
|0%
|30%
|All buildings can be considered architecture, and most classes take place in buildings. This comic also refers to a class''room'', which is a room, and therefore considered architecture.
|-

!scope=row|Library Science
|25%
|25%
|Library science is concerned with the organization of knowledge, and is useful for finding information. Many classes require research papers that require the use of books and other sources of information to complete them. This would be even more appropriate for a class actually taught in the school library.
|-

!scope=row|Furniture Design
|0%
|40%
|Most rooms have furniture,{{Citation needed}} so this would probably be present in a classroom. May also be implying the classroom furniture has not been assembled yet, making it not as good and a lesson in furniture design.
|-

!scope=row|Culinary Arts
|40%
|30%
|Most studies of culinary arts include the teacher and/or students preparing food using the tools and/or techniques that have been taught, so it would be fairly normal for food to be a result of classroom activities. How ''good'' it is, however, can be a mixed bag, especially for student cooking attempts.
|-

!scope=row|Ergonomics
|5%
|45%
|Ergonomic equipment and workspaces promote comfort and efficiency, while non-ergonomic ones may be unpleasant, unhealthy, or even immediately dangerous.
|-

!scope=row|Botany
|40%
|40%
|The near-neutral position of Botany (aka Plant Biology) suggests that the most likely reason for plants to be present would be something like a potted plant, which is not uncommon, and usually not unpleasant, but not very noteworthy. There are other potential reasons for plants to be present, but those are generally less likely.
|-

!scope=row|20th Century Authors
|65%
|10%
|Literature classes would benefit greatly from an open discussion or interview with the author himself. Sadly such things are rare, but not unheard of, putting it slightly on the "weird" side of the spectrum. Well-known authors of the 20th century have an increased likelihood of being retired or dead by 2021, but there are more authors of the 20th century who are well-established enough to be studied.
|-

!scope=row|Exobiology
|100%
|0%
|Exobiology is the study of extraterrestrial life. This would mean that an alien life-form was in the classroom. This is extremely weird but very good for people to investigate and research the alien.
|-

!scope=row|21st Century Authors
|60%
|20%
|21st century authors have the advantage (over 19th and 20th century authors) of typically being alive and active at the time this comic was published. However, most authors who were primarily active in the 21st century are still developing their body of work, and/or still awaiting the judgment of history. The better availability of such authors, as compared to 20th century author probably explains the slightly lower "weirdness" score, while the limited body of truly prominent authors probably explains the lower "goodness" score.
|-

!scope=row|19th Century Authors
|100%
|15%
|No author who was active in the 19th century was alive at the writing of this comic{{Citation needed}}, hence, having one of them show up in class would be extremely weird. The opportunity to interact with such a person would be utterly unique, meaning that it scores pretty high on the "goodness" metric, though interestingly not as high as a 20th century author. Possibly, the potential 'badness' of having a zombie or other reanimated being show up in your class is weighed against the advantage of having a historical figure there in person.
|-

!scope=row|Paleontology
|100%
|25%
|Paleontology is the study of the history of life on Earth as based on fossils. In geology classes, it would be normal to have some fossils in the classroom. However, fossils are not usually found in other classrooms, and especially below the college level. Randall is also probably implying the weirdness of finding a live ''Jurassic Park''-style dinosaur.
|-

!scope=row|Robotics
|55%
|30%
|A course on robotics would often be expected to have some form of working models of the robots being discussed. However, for it to have "showed up" in your classroom could imply an actual functioning robot prototype walked into the classroom. While not cause for concern, this would be a bit weird.
|-

!scope=row|Martian Soil Chemistry
|100%
|35%
|Martian soil only reaches Earth in small amounts, so it would be unusual to find a meaningful amount anywhere, except Mars.
|-

!scope=row|Tourism
|75%
|40%
|Tourists coming into an active classroom would be quite unusual. It could refer to the students leaving to become tourists in another location.
|-

!scope=row|Child Psychology
|60%
|45%
|Children are rarely students in classrooms advanced enough to teach child psychology. In order for child psychology to be on display, presumably someone would have to have brought a child (either for a demonstration, or for some other reason), which is slightly weird, but not unheard of. This is considered slightly 'good', presumably because it would give students some opportunity for firsthand observation, and because most people like, or at least tolerate, children.
|-

!scope=row|Entomology
|15%
|55%
|Entomology is the study of insects. Insects getting into a classroom is a very common event, even putting aside the possibility of someone bringing insects specifically to study. Most insects that might get in are relatively benign, but some (such as mosquitoes) might sting or bite, and many people simply don't like insects, even when they're not harmful, pushing this slightly into 'bad' territory.
|-

!scope=row|Occupational Therapy
|10%
|62%
|Injury, illness or mental health problem that hinder your participation in life/school. Many students who have significant physical injuries and conditions that require occupational therapy would generally not engage in those activities during a class, although volunteers may be brought in as a demonstration of a particular health problem or method of treatment.
|-

!scope=row|Hydraulic Engineering
|40%
|62%
|Likely in the form of flooding or plumbing problems.
|-

!scope=row|Pest Control
|25%
|70%
|This is not dissimilar to entomology, but pest control tends to involve larger infestations, as opposed to individual insects, and also includes non-insect animals, such as rats. Such events in classroom are not as common as individual insects getting in (especially in a well-maintained building), but are far from unheard of, and risk many negative effects, from bug bites to structural damage, and may require evacuation and fumigation to deal with.
|-

!scope=row|Foodborne Illness
|15%
|80%
|Sometimes students in a culinary arts class do not properly observe hygiene standards and the food they present would lead to illness in those that consume the food. Thankfully, this is rare if the teacher is paying enough attention to proceedings. Students could also be ill from food eaten outside of class.
|-

!scope=row|Criminal Law
|45%
|85%
|This might happen if a crime occurs in the class. While an armed robbery is unlikely, incidents involving plagiarism or drug use are not particularly uncommon. Regardless, such an incident would be very bad, and a teacher may get in trouble for it.
|-

!scope=row|Physiology of Stress
|0%
|90%
|Stress in a classroom, even stress that's bad enough to manifest itself in physical symptoms, is all too common. Stress that bad is very harmful, and a student realizing that they were manifesting the symptoms they're studying should take it as a warning sign.
|-

!scope=row|Oncology
|25%
|100%
|Oncology is the medical practice of treating cancer. For someone in a classroom full of students to have cancer is, unfortunately, not an uncommon event, putting it on the 'normal' side of the scale. While not abnormal, it's clearly very bad.
|-

!scope=row|Ornithology
|60%
|55%
|Ornithology is the study of birds. A bird getting into a classroom would be somewhat strange, but there are circumstances under which it would happen. In most cases, that's not especially dangerous, but it would be disruptive, and introduce the possibility of the bird making a mess, and possibly getting hurt (or even hurting others), which makes it slightly bad.
|-

!scope=row|Animation
|100%
|56%
|Examples of animated works might be displayed to the students in an animation class. It would be weird for animated characters to appear physically in the classroom instead of being projected on screens. Possibly a reference to movies such as ''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'' in which cartoon characters actively interact with the live action cast. As many of the characters abide by different physics, and a couple are depicted as insane, this would be very weird and potentially bad.
Meeting actors costumed as an animated character to present or promote something would be generally better and somewhat less weird, but it arguably might not count as animation come to life.
|-

!scope=row|Petroleum Geology
|65%
|60%
|Crude oil coming up through the floor of the classroom would be ''very'' weird. Any potential for hands-on learning experience would be limited, and quickly outweighed by classes being disrupted entirely (be it damage to the building, or oil companies trying to negotiate for the land).
|-

!scope=row|Highway Engineering
|75%
|65%
|A highway being built through an active classroom would be very unusual and not that safe.
|-

!scope=row|Toxicology
|55%
|75%
|Most likely, a toxic substance is present in the room. This is not very weird if the room is in a building that has asbestos-containing insulation (typically associated with buildings constructed before the 1990s, although it has not been specifically outlawed in the United States due to industrial lobbying) or lead paint (which was fully outlawed in 1978, so any paint must have been applied prior to that date). However, toxic substances are unsafe for humans{{Citation needed}}.
|-

!scope=row|Hematology
|75%
|70%
|Hematology is the study of blood. Given that there should be blood in each of the students present{{Citation needed}}, we should probably assume Randall means "large quantities of blood outside of one's body", which would indeed be both bad and weird.
|-

!scope=row|Hostage Negotiation
|70%
|85%
|Reasons as to why there would be hostage negotiations taking place at a school have horrifying implications for the students and teacher.
|-

!scope=row|History of Siege Warfare
|100%
|80%
|This would be an exceptionally strange event. Given that the topic is 'history', having it show up implies that either historical figures have the classroom under siege (possibly through time travel or reanimation) or at least that the besiegers are using traditional weapons and methods in their attack. In either case, it would be a very weird event, and also very bad.
|-

!scope=row|Trauma Surgery
|55%
|95%
|An injury severe enough to require trauma surgery would be rare in a classroom, but there are circumstanced under which it could realistically happen. Such an injury would be, by it's very nature, a very bad thing.
|-

!scope=row|Volcanology
|75%
|95%
|Having a live volcano in one's classroom is both very dangerous and very weird {{Citation needed}}. Volcanoes mature over very long time frames, but even the earliest stages are highly disruptive and potentially deadly, as seen in the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Par%C3%ADcutin#Formation 1943 eruption of Paricutín] and the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2018_lower_Puna_eruption#Eruption 2018 flank eruption of Kilauea]. Note this also applies to [[1611: Baking Soda and Vinegar | baking soda and vinegar volcanoes that are offshoots of much larger vinegar hotspots]].
|-

!scope=row|Quasar Astronomy
|75%
|100%
|Quasars are distant astronomical objects that release large amounts of energy. Not only would the power of a quasar destroy the classroom (as well as the rest of Earth,) quasars are too large to fit inside any known classroom. For example, [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ULAS_J1342%2B0928 ULAS J1342+0928] has a mass of 8*10^8 solar masses. This means the event horizon of the black hole is almost 16 AU in radius, and this size does not include the accretion disk.
|-

!scope=row|Ontology (Title Text)
|<0%
|?
|Ontology is the philosophical study of existence and being. Since there must be ''something'' learning in the classroom, it is unsurprising that ontology is a normal subject to appear in the classroom. It would, in fact, be more bizarre to have a lack of Ontology in the classroom.
|-

!scope=row|Geography (Title Text)
|>100%
|?
|Geographers study the lands, features, inhabitants, and phenomena of the Earth. While each classroom classroom contains a small portion of the Earth's surface (normally not enough of it to be interesting to geographers), having the ''entire Earth'' appear inside a classroom would likely demand explanation. In particular, if this is an ordinary classroom (i.e. located ''on'' the Earth), the planet's simultaneous appearance within its walls would both defy our current understanding of spacetime, and risk [[1515: Basketball Earth | disastrous consequences at the hands of curious students.]] This could also be implying the classroom is suddenly being located on top of a geographic border, which would be highly unlikely, especially if it happened without warning.

|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:[Caption above scatter plot with labeled axes]
:Caption: The thing you study just showed up in your classroom! That's...
:Upper y-axis label: Good
:Lower y-axis label: Bad
:Upper x-axis label: Normal
:Lower x-axis label: Weird

:[First quadrant (left to right, top to bottom):]
:20th century authors
:Exobiology
:21st century authors
:19th century authors
:Robotics
:Paleontology
:Martian soil chemistry
:Child psychology
:Tourism
:[Second quadrant]
:Atmospheric physics
:Ethics
:Education
:Bibliography
:Human physiology
:Public speaking
:Architecture
:Library science
:Furniture design
:Culinary arts
:Ergonomics
:Botany
:[Third quadrant]
:Entomology
:Occupational therapy
:Hydraulic engineering
:Pest control
:Foodborne illness
:Criminal law
:Physiology of stress
:Oncology
:[Fourth quadrant]
:Ornithology
:Animation
:Petroleum geology
:Highway engineering
:Toxicology
:Hematology
:Hostage negotiation
:History of siege warfare
:Trauma surgery
:Volcanology
:Quasar astronomy

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Rankings]]
[[Category:Food]]
[[Category:Cancer]]
[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Geology]]
[[Category:Astronomy]]
[[Category:Volcanoes]]

2462: NASA Award

2021-07-18T11:51:29Z

141.101.98.168: /* Explanation */ Made a bit more snappy.

{{comic
| number = 2462
| date = May 12, 2021
| title = NASA Award
| image = nasa_award.png
| titletext = The key to discovering life on Mars is to find someone who built a camera and landed it on Mars. Then you just look through the pictures for plants and dogs and stuff.
}}

==Explanation==
In this comic [[Hairy]] is awarded a "{{w|Nobel Prize}}" by {{w|NASA}}, represented by [[Ponytail]] handing him the award, as well as [[Cueball]] and [[Megan]]. He receives this award because he has found "life on Mars" by looking at NASA's images from their Mars missions. Hairy looks at his prize, and remarks that it is just a rock on a ribbon. To this Ponytail replies that from a certain angle... implying that if he looks hard enough the rock might look like a Nobel Prize. Just like Hairy, by looking at the pictures in the right way, found something that looked like life on Mars.

This comic jabs at poorly-supported claims of discovering alien life, particularly when instances of pareidolia are used as "evidence" of such life. {{w|Pareidolia}} is the tendency for perception to spuriously impose a meaningful interpretation on a nebulous visual stimulus, for example a rock that is interpreted as a face. A famous example is the {{w|Cydonia_(Mars)#%22Face_on_Mars%22|Face on Mars}}, a 2km long hill that can be said to resemble the face of a human when viewed on low resolution images, at a specific angle and lighting conditions. At the time some people claimed this was proof of an ancient Martian civilization. Later higher resolution images showed that the face was an optical illusion.
Rocks make for poor prizes as they make for poor evidence {{Citation needed}}, and looking from different angles is of no use for either.

If you're actively looking for patterns in large amounts of data (especially if it's any pattern, largely undefined until it is 'found') then you are likely to dismiss all the data that does not support your preconceived ideas and seize upon the small randomnesses that you have managed to trawl though and classify as 'interesting'. This is an example of {{w|Confirmation_bias|Confirmation Bias}}. It's possible that the featured NASA personnel specifically sifted rocks looking for one that looked like an award.

The title text explains how you find life on Mars. Just access other people's images that have been taken on Mars, and look for plants and animals. This is lampooning the simplistic notion that life on Mars would be detected by looking at photos at all. In reality, all extraterrestrial life (in this solar system at least) is almost certainly microscopic. The notion of detecting it by studying photos of the Martian surface is just as absurd as the idea of looking at the photos and expecting to see dogs and trees and other familiar macroscopic lifeforms.

Building a camera and landing it on Mars is what NASA does with their Mars rovers and other Mars missions. The camera is a small part of the entire mission, though an important part. But this is why the title text talks about landing the camera on Mars. The space probes are the cameras.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball, Ponytail, Hairy, and Megan stand on a two tiered platform. Ponytail and Hairy are are on the top step, with Cueball and Megan standing on the lower step looking up at the other two. Ponytail holds a necklace with a rock attached to the end up in both hands offering it to Hairy.]
:Ponytail: We're honored to present you with this Nobel Prize!
:Hairy: That's just a rock.
:Ponytail: Yeah, but from a certain angle...

:[Caption beneath the panel]:
:NASA has a new award for people on the internet who claim to find life in their Mars photos.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Space]]
[[Category:Space probes]]
[[Category:Biology]]

Talk:2178: Expiration Date High Score

2021-02-23T13:54:51Z

141.101.98.168: being a pedant

If we assume this comic is contemporary, i.e. the year she found the beans is 2019, it makes Randall's girlfriend/wife 37 years old.[[Special:Contributions/141.101.84.64|141.101.84.64]] 05:25, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
:Well... it makes Megan 37 years old. There is nothing here to strongly suggest that cueball and her are Randall and his gf/wife. --[[User:Lupo|Lupo]] ([[User talk:Lupo|talk]]) 05:54, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
::Well, to be exact it makes Megan 37 years, 13 days, 12 hours, 7 minutes, 13.3 seconds old (rounded to the nearest tenth of a second). This is based on 900/24.3 = 37.0370 (...) That would make her born on July 6, 1982 (if we work back from the date of publication of the comic). But to be realistic I guess she was probably rounding the score to the nearest decimal, rather than writing 24.32432... (i.e. 900/37), in which case I'm wrong. Either way, spurious accuracy is fun!! [[Special:Contributions/172.68.10.4|172.68.10.4]] 19:07, 20 July 2019 (UTC)

What about #933? [[Special:Contributions/172.68.38.88|172.68.38.88]] 21:35, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
: I think it's pretty clear that the title text varies from comic to comic. Sometimes it's clearly a character's voice. Sometimes it makes more sense as a narrator's voice. Sometimes it's clearly talking about Randall's life. I realize that this site tends to attribute the title text to Randall's voice, but personally, I consider it an unattributed voice. Sometimes it's him, sometimes it's more of a narrator or character voice. Similarly, the actions in the comics are sometimes clearly influenced by events in Randall's life, but they're also clearly not other times. If it turned out that he made Megan 37 because his wife is 37, that wouldn't surprise me, but neither would it surprise me if he did something different, because he does that on a regular basis. (In other words, without additional evidence or supporting information, I think it's weird to state as a fact that the traits of various characters are, in fact, traits of Randall and his friends and family.) [[User:Mootstrap|Mootstrap]] ([[User talk:Mootstrap|talk]]) 02:38, 20 July 2019 (UTC)
:: Yes. I'm not RM but if I were I'd just write in a pretty number that has no meaning at all just to be done with the comic. [[Special:Contributions/172.68.58.65|172.68.58.65]] 03:58, 20 July 2019 (UTC)

When I was working at a gas station, someone brought in a propane tank which had expired in 1963 (or so). If 1963 and using this scheme, my score would be 96.6.
[[Special:Contributions/172.69.33.251|172.69.33.251]] 06:02, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
: Did you buy the propane tank, though? --[[Special:Contributions/162.158.114.52|162.158.114.52]] 07:09, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

Propane tanks do not "expire", that is they do not go bad with time, and you do not need to throw them out after the date. The date on these tanks is when they need to be inspected for damage, as mandated by Federal and state laws. If the tank passes inspection a new date in put on and you can keep using the tank (propane suppliers can legally keep refilling it.) [[User:Godzilla|Godzilla]] ([[User talk:Godzilla|talk]]) 13:40, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

: Except that it <q>must be something ''you'' purchased</q> so you can't use that one in the contest. Unless you then purchased it from whoever brought it in… I don't see any rule requiring that the item be new (or otherwise not-yet-expired) when you purchase it, so can we buy old things from other people in order to inflate our score (potentially over 100)? [[Special:Contributions/172.69.42.76|172.69.42.76]] 06:18, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
::That also circumvents the argument "we moved since 2010". If you buy the apartment with kitchen and all equipment, you also purchased the expired item... --[[User:Lupo|Lupo]] ([[User talk:Lupo|talk]]) 06:20, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
:::I think that part in the title text is referring to "how did we manage to not come across all of our expired items when we moved" rather than "this item was here before me moved in". Some very disorganised people might actually pack up and move all of the items (e.g. food) in their house without first checking or even noticing if it is expired. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.64|141.101.98.64]] 10:52, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
::::That was my initial thought too, that she either did it without of noticing, or did not notice it on purpose, to at some point reach this score. But the loophole, good 'ol 42.76 brought up, put this idea up, as an alternative.--[[User:Lupo|Lupo]] ([[User talk:Lupo|talk]]) 10:56, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
:The rules say that the item must be something you, personally '''''purchased'''''...so did they BUY the pickles from Megan's mom? I'd want to see a receipt or something! (And if the pickles were dated to 1978, Megan (whom we've established is 37 years old was not born when the pickles were dated...so for sure, this is cheating! [[User:SteveBaker|SteveBaker]] ([[User talk:SteveBaker|talk]]) 13:36, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
::They clearly attribute the pickle score to Megan's mum, not to Megan.[[User:Bischoff|Bischoff]] ([[User talk:Bischoff|talk]]) 13:42, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
:::Yeah - that makes more sense. I had initially read it as these were pickles MADE by her mum and given to Megan - not pickles that her mum purchased. Sadly, we can't work backwards from the 2030 date that Megan needs to wait until in order to beat that score to figure out her mom's age because we don't know on what year her mum discovered the ancient pickles. [[User:SteveBaker|SteveBaker]] ([[User talk:SteveBaker|talk]]) 13:48, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

There is one caveat to Megan's strategy: since the fraction (year you found item - year item expired)/(your age when you found it) converges to one as time goes on regardless whether the numerator is bigger than the denominator, as long as the item expired before the year of your birth, postponing the discovery reduces your score (considerably).

Her mom's pickles could still have had an expiration date before 1978 - according to [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/sell-and-best-dates-food-are-basically-made-hard-get-rid-180950304/ this article] they were around in the 1950s and on store shelves by 1970. If they were home-canned she could also have dated them herself. --[[Special:Contributions/172.68.174.22|172.68.174.22]] 17:56, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

:Perishable foods had expiration dates in the 1970s at least (maybe earlier in some countries and some stores). But non-perishable foods did NOT had dates until the 2000's or later. A home canned jar of pickles could have a hand written date, but this would be the date it was canned, not an expiration date. Because anyone in the 1970s who knew how to can would know if they did it right the food would not go bad. If they did the canning wrong they would not need a expiration date to know this, they would know in a few weeks, by looking through the mason jar at the food inside. Or by looking at the food and glass spread around the pantry after the jar exploded. So Megan's mom could have a loaf of bread with a 1978 date, but not a jar of pickles. [[User:Godzilla|Godzilla]] ([[User talk:Godzilla|talk]]) 18:17, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

I hereby fervently protest against the age-discriminating rules. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.105.240|141.101.105.240]] 09:25, 22 July 2019 (UTC)
:Hear, hear! A 1-year-expired item shouldn't count 10 times more for a 10-year-old as for a 100-year-old.[[Special:Contributions/162.158.126.34|162.158.126.34]] 17:55, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

== FOOD SCIENCE ==

''"Since then many countries introduced laws and regulations requiring companies to put expiration dates on perishable goods. In some instances this can have the negative effect of people throwing out good food by blindly following the suggested expiration date. This behaviour can incentivise companies to adjust the expiration date so that people will re-buy the products sooner."''

Since science and the truth are a big part of both xkcd.com and explainxkcd.com, I think it is important this explanation includes how/why food goes bad, and why expiration dates on jars/cans of food do not serve to protect people from eating bad food. If no one else gets to it first I'll try to type this explanation when I get a chance.

Until then I don't think the explanation should say "...many countries introduced laws and regulations requiring companies to put expiration dates on perishable goods." Although this is true, it is also true many companies put expiration on non-perishable products even through there is no law requiring them to do so. Like cosmetics and jars of pickles. [[User:Godzilla|Godzilla]] ([[User talk:Godzilla|talk]]) 13:54, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

:To be fair, many items are labelled "Best Before" or "Sell By" - implying that the food item will be edible for at least some time beyond that date. Actual expiration dates on preserved food items do seem to be rarer. There are cases of canned food items from the early 1900's still being in good shape after 100+ years - and those would not have had any expiration date. But one issue is that back then, cans were made by soldering sheets of tin together - and the lead in the solder slowly leaches into the food making it unsafe to eat even though the food itself seems well-preserved. So for potential high scores, we should look to: [http://mentalfloss.com/article/555075/11-oldest-foods-and-beverages-ever-discovered The 11 oldest foods and beverages ever discovered] - except that they'd not have any kind of formal expiration date. [[User:SteveBaker|SteveBaker]] ([[User talk:SteveBaker|talk]]) 14:10, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

: "it is also true many companies put expiration on non-perishable products" <- I especially like the "best before" date on salt. Bonus points if the box has a description of how the salt has been in a mine for over millions of years... --[[Special:Contributions/162.158.114.52|162.158.114.52]] 07:13, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

::To be fair, while the salt wouldn't go "bad" or spoiled, it WILL probably return to natural rock form, meaning will stop being loose. -- [[User:Hkmaly|Hkmaly]] ([[User talk:Hkmaly|talk]]) 23:22, 25 July 2019 (UTC)

:The legal requirements of "expiration dates" for food are less stringent than many believe. In the USA, under FDA regulations, only baby formula cannot legally be sold after its expiration date. Wording like "use by" and "sell by" is not legally binding... more like "guidelines", as Capt. Barbossa would say. [[Special:Contributions/172.68.34.64|172.68.34.64]] 15:57, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

::Other than dairy, there are NO expiration dates, only the date the manufacturer wants to stop selling the product, for quality/taste/color/etc. [[User:SDSpivey|SDSpivey]] ([[User talk:SDSpivey|talk]]) 23:25, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

I think the point that needs to be made in the explanation is both the items in the comic (a can of beans and a jar of pickles) do not go bad with time but in fact remain edible indefinitely.

Food going bad, in the sense that it will make you sick if you eat it, is most often caused by harmful bacteria growing in the food. Less often caused by fungi or yeast growing in the food and creating a poisonous substance, like methanol (wood alcohol.) The process of canning food involves boiling it to kill all possible pathogens, then sealing it in a can/jar while the food is still hot, with no air bubble. As long as this process is done correctly, as long as the jar lid has an air tight seal, and as long at the can is not punctured or gets a hole rusted through, no bacteria/virus/yeast/fungi can get in and the food can not spoil. Some food may discolor over time in the jar/can, or the texture may change, but it can not go bad in a way that makes it unsafe to eat.

If the canning process is done incorrectly and bacteria/fungi/yeast is sealed in the can/jar, the food goes bad in a few weeks, not years. Gases given off by the decomposition process often cause the can to swell, or the normal concave jar lid to bulge upwards. Sometimes the internal gas pressure is enough to burst the can/jar, as used to happen to people who canned at home using mason jars. If it does not burst, you are still going the know the food has gone bad the minute you open the can/jar, even without looking inside.

The above facts are more important then who/how/why expiration dates get put on which products. [[User:Godzilla|Godzilla]] ([[User talk:Godzilla|talk]]) 17:13, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

SO my mom's fridge! When I was a kid, my brother had a buddy who would put on his best game show announcer voice and say "It's time for Search... For... Fungus!", then check the fridge for OLD things. Hysterical, laughed our heads off, and helped us out by getting rid of the old stuff, LOL! Me and her recently cleaned her fridge, and similarly found some pre-move items. LOL! [[User:NiceGuy1|NiceGuy1]] ([[User talk:NiceGuy1|talk]]) 06:53, 20 July 2019 (UTC)

All Aussies can win this game with their personal vegemite jar. And they're still EATING it. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.249.124|108.162.249.124]] 09:35, 20 July 2019 (UTC)

Canned food is first put into the can and sealed and then heated up to around 60~80 degrees Celsius. After it cools down, the label is placed on it. - sirKitKat
[[Special:Contributions/162.158.234.112|162.158.234.112]] 06:06, 21 July 2019 (UTC)

So, cool story, if the food is older than you are, your score will decline as you age. If you're older than the food, your score will increase ~ logarithmically.

If the food is older than you, you are still living with your parents, so it isn't your house, and your score doesn't count ;)
[[Special:Contributions/162.158.114.82|162.158.114.82]] 20:06, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

My mother has some of the same herbs in little tins that she had since shortly after she bought that house, in early 1969. Not doing the math, since she's not me. But it's probably a high score — [[User:Kazvorpal|Kazvorpal]] ([[User talk:Kazvorpal|talk]]) 01:42, 2 August 2019 (UTC)

If a baby bought a product with a short expiry date before the end of the calendar year, then discovered it early in the next year, with this all being in the baby's first year of life, an infinite score is attainable. [[Special:Contributions/192.168.0.1|192.168.0.1]] 13:53, 23 February 2021 (UTC)

2377: xkcd Phone 12

2020-10-28T15:52:08Z

141.101.98.168: /* Explanation */ Avoiding the potentially continuing ambiguousness of 'free'.

{{comic
| number = 2377
| date = October 26, 2020
| title = xkcd Phone 12
| image = xkcd_phone_12.png
| titletext = New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it).
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a PERSON NAMED MAX. Closed timelike curves need more explanation. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This is the "12th" (actually the 8th) in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone]] series in which Randall explains his new joke phone designs with many strange and useless features. It is also a reference to the recently released {{w|iPhone 12}}. However, there have only been 8 comics released, with the previous two being [[2000: xkcd Phone 2000]] and [[1889: xkcd Phone 6]].

The note about the xkcd Phone 12 and the xkcd Phone 12 Max (only for people named Max) is a joke about the different models of iPhone 12: iPhone 12, iPhone 12 Mini, iPhone 12 Pro and iPhone 12 Pro Max. The xkcd Phone 12 Max would be expected to have a larger screen, but it seems that this phone is also only for people with the name Max. If the phones are respectively placed, Max's (Maxes'?) phone is the smaller of the two models.

The slogan '"The only phone you'll ever own"' could be interpreted as something of a threat, which is believable given some of the purported features. The slogan has the "registered trademark" symbol, with that symbol supposedly itself trademarked, which is highly unlikely.

Multiple features are labelled on the phone that are common when advertising other products, but highly unusual in mobile phones, for comedic effect:

* '''Full drivetrain warranty''' - A common warranty feature for automobiles--see {{w|drivetrain}}. As a side note, the phone here would be cheaping out on the warranty if it were a car; a "drivetrain" warranty covers almost everything ''except'' the engine; only if it was a "{{w|powertrain}}" warranty would it cover the engine. A phone typically has none of these things, although this one seemingly does.
* '''Coated for easy swallowing''' - A common feature on solid medicines meant to be taken orally. Phones do not belong in the set of edible objects, much less orally-taken medicines{{Citation needed}}. Since some parents of young children let them teethe on their phones, this would be an undesirable feature. There may be a pun here, based on the larger smartphones being practically the same as the more {{w|Tablet_computer|minimal portable computers}}.
* '''Surgical-grade apps''' - "Surgical-grade steel" is sometime used as a selling point indicating quality materials. This feature suggests that the apps themselves are made from high-quality material, although this is absurd because an app is (as the name suggests) a software application, not any physical object that could be reasonably defined as 'surgical-grade' or not. Note that both hardware and software can be certified for {{w|Safety-critical_system|safety-critical applications}}.
* '''Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing''' - {{w|Magnet fishing}} is an activity for searching for objects that can be pulled in by a strong magnet. A 600 pound magnet can lift a 600 pound (272 kg) object (at Earth's surface). This would tend to make the phone stick to any iron or steel objects (such as refrigerators) and be impossible to remove with human strength, and only the strongest humans could pick up the phone even if it were properly insulated. It would also be impossible to separate two phones without destroying one of them if the interlocking feature were used. This feature would also erase any credit cards the owner puts in the vicinity of the phone, meaning this phone could not be put in one's pocket with a wallet.
* '''Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque''' - This is a reference to {{w|ultrasonic toothbrush}}es. {{w|Oral-B}} does not produce any ultrasonic toothbrushes, but does produce ''{{w|sonic toothbrush}}es.'' There is a logical connection between electric toothbrushes and smartphones, namely they are both electronic and both vibrate; however, most phones cannot perform dentistry autonomously{{Citation needed}}.
* '''40 mL emergency water supply''' - 40 milliliters is equal to 40 cubic centimeters. For comparison, the iPhone 11 Pro Max's volume is just shy of 100 cubic centimeters; if the Phone 12 Max is similarly sized, then the water supply would take up over 40% of its total volume. In this day and age, many phones are water-resistant to some degree; nevertheless, shipping a phone with an interior consisting of a 3:2 ratio of electronics-to-water will surely lead to many short-circuited, inoperable phones. Furthermore, {{w|survival kit}}s often come with pouches that can hold several liters of water, in case of emergency. Because people typically take their phones with them everywhere they go, storing a survival kit inside the phone would be a life-saving feature. Unfortunately, 40cc of water is not enough to stave off thirst for a meaningful amount of time, extinguish a flame much larger than a candle's, or deal with most other situations which would constitute an emergency. Unless you are suitably proficient at {{w|Katara_(Avatar:_The_Last_Airbender)#Waterbending|waterbending}}, this feature is useless for its intended function. 40 milliliters is also the amount of fluid that a shot glass holds.
* '''Security feature: unmarked side buttons''' - Some vendors (particularly car dealers) try to explain away horrible User Interface functions as "Security Features". Technically, if no one (including the owner) can use it, it is secure... Some modern phones have unmarked side buttons, so the secureness of this feature is doubtful. This phone is likely to have trillions of buttons though, just to confuse the user. No buttons are visible which could indicate the side of the phone functions is touch sensitive and the buttons are not only unlabeled but not visible.
* '''3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches''' - {{w|Inductive charging|Induction charging}} is a method that a number of modern phones advertise, allowing power to (inefficiently but 'conveniently') transfer into a device from a mains charging station or another device's battery without the need for plugging in cables. It transfers energy between safely tuned coils, that do not touch, though typically the case of one device must remain placed directly upon the other for the optimal transfer of charge between them. {{w|Electrical_injury#Lethality|Shocks of 11,000 volts are usually lethal}}, so 3,000,000 volts of 'pure' electricity (possibly from a complete {{w|Tesla coil}} assemblage) is pretty much guaranteed to kill you. Worse still, it would render the phone unusable due to the high voltage emitted to any object or bodypart within its large range. The {{w|Electrical breakdown}} voltage of air is approximately 3 kV / mm, which would allow a 3 MV potential to jump a distance of 100 cm. 36 inches (91 cm), however, is within reach of a simple extension cord.
* '''99.9% BPA- and hands- free''' - {{w|Bisphenol A}} (or BPA) is a compound that is used in making plastics. BPA has been found to exhibit hormone-like properties, so there is a movement to produce BPA-free plastics using alternative bisphenols. {{w|Hands-free}} describes using the device "without hands", e.g. using voice commands. This is important when using a device while driving. These are 2 unrelated ideas, which use the suffix "free" in different meanings ("BPA-free" means "containing no BPA", while "hands-free" means "your hands need not be used"). The construction "NOUN- and NOUN-ADJ" is normally only used with the meaning of "ADJ" repeated for both nouns, implying that this phone "contains no hands" (or possibly "your BPA is left free"). The "percentage free" description is also a standard form of advertising {{w|weasel word}}s. A food might be described as "90% fat-free" with the heavy implication that it has a tenth of the usual fat content, but likely really means "10% of the product is pure fat" (typically by weight or maybe pre-cooked volume) compared with perhaps 15% in the typical non-'fat-free' recipe. 0.1% of BPA is not an insignificant quantity given its possible effects, and is likely to be a higher leachable content if it is all concentrated in external trimmings. It is unclear what a tenth of a percent of a hand needs to do, to operate the device, but it does also mean that it is not as completely hands-free as implied. Or else it ''also'' implies a trace ingredient in the manufacturing process that should still concern you.
* '''Extended release charge cable''' - Electronics manufacturers support standards to reduce time to fully recharge, e.g. Qualcomm {{w|Quick Charge}} standard. This is a reference to {{w|Modified-release dosage|"extended release" medication}}. It's unclear what purpose would be served by charging a phone slower than normal.
* '''Closed timelike curves''' - This label is applied to the curved corner of the phone. Randall may be making a visual joke by referring to the corner of the phone by a very complex relativistic concept. Given that {{w|Closed timelike curves}} are usually associated with solutions to general relativity that allow for time travel...
* '''Fits in standard shipping container''' - An {{w|intermodal shipping container}} is large enough to fit automobiles, raising the question of just how big this xkcd phone is.
* '''Interlocking, stackable''' - A quality of, among other things, LEGO bricks. Probably a bad idea to use this feature, given how close the phone is to critical mass.
* '''Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility''' - The {{w|Game Boy Printer}} was a thermal paper printer originally paired with the {{w|Game Boy Camera}}. This device was released in 1998 and discontinued in 2003, so this partnership would be obsolete.
* '''Sustain pedal''' - A {{w|sustain pedal}} is commonly associated with a digital keyboard or piano; it lets the note continue sounding when the key is released. It's unclear what purpose it would serve in a phone, although it might be used for the screaming mode in the title text.
* '''CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves''' - An allusion to the COVID-19 pandemic. CDC stands for Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the United States public health institute. In [[2284: Sabotage]], Randall "promised" to bring an annoying karaoke song to a party to hopefully discourage people from attending, but this phone will apparently do so automatically. "{{w|We Like to Party! (Vengaboys song)|We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)}}" is a 1998 Eurodance/techno hit by the Vengaboys, and is perhaps most familiar to Americans from a series of {{w|Six Flags}} ads.
* '''Sacrificial anode''' - Useful if something metal will be in a wet environment for a long time. Commonly used on bridges and boats, but it may be a 'feature' of this phone because of its built-in water reservoir. The {{w|sacrificial anode}} is made of a material with higher redox potential (typically zinc), and will corrode faster than the (more valuable) metal object it's attached to. It's unclear if the phone HAS a sacrificial anode or IS a sacrificial anode.
* '''Tactical helium reserve''' - Since 1925, the United States has had a {{w|National Helium Reserve|strategic helium reserve}}. Helium is very rare on earth and has important scientific and military uses, so it’s important to have a supply in case supplies disappear. But here we have a tactical helium reserve, which suggests it's smaller and focused on shorter-term goals. Compare {{w|strategic bombing}} focused on destroying entire cities or countries and {{w|tactical bombing}} aimed at destroying individual targets or military units. Helium also has the property of being lighter than air, so if this reserve is large enough, the phone could float away if let go. However, this is unlikely, as the phone boasts other, heavy components such as large magnets, a water reserve and a critical mass of fissile material.
* '''50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)''' - Indicates the phone contains fissile material. This "2x safety factor" means that if you put 2 phones next to each other, or put one phone next to a {{w|neutron reflector}}, you would have a {{w|criticality accident}}, which may explain why you would not own another phone after this one. A phone with this much fissile material would pose a radiation hazard. The "2x safety factor" claim may be related to physicist {{w|Richard Feynman|Richard Feynman's}} famous criticism of NASA in the {{w|Rogers Commission}} report on the space shuttle Challenger disaster. Feynman found that when he confronted NASA engineers with a part worn one third of the way through, which was not supposed to be worn through at all, the engineers claimed that this demonstrated a 3x safety factor rather than a failure of the part.
* '''Shake for factory reset''' - A {{w|factory reset}} is often possible on electronic devices, and is usually accomplished either by pressing a button that is often well-protected against accidental contact, for an extended period or closing an electrical bridge. This one works like an {{w|Etch A Sketch|Etch-a-Sketch}}, which would not be preferred, as [http://www.ahajokes.com/com045.html slight disturbances] could easily cause massive losses of data.
* '''Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you'''. {{w|Norton (software)|Norton}} and {{w|McAfee}} (note spelling!) are competing software security companies. This "protection" combines the two of them and claims that Norton (the person) will defend you if McAfee (the person) attacks you. May have been inspired by [https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/06/business/mcafee-arrested-tax-evasion.html John McAfee's recent arrest] which brought attention to the allegation that he had hired a hit man to kill his neighbor in Belize in 2012.

The title text mentions xkcd phone OS updates, including:
* '''Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid)''' - If icons snap to a grid with, say, 6x5 positions, then for each icon you only have 30 customization options. If, on the other, you don't have to keep them aligned to a grid, and your phone has, say, one million pixels, then you have one million customization choices for each icon. This is a lot, but it's still not "Infinite customizations", so we're clearly facing a case of misleading advertising. Whether on-screen icons snap to a grid is a very minor aspect of customization. Not having it would be incredibly unsatisfying, as it would make it very difficult to get icons exactly lined up vertically and horizontally.
* '''Dark mode (disables screen)''' - Dark mode is a popular feature on websites/apps with light backgrounds like Twitter and Reddit, changing the background to a dark color to help late-night users sleep better. Disabling the screen would not be a pleasant surprise when a user goes to turn on beloved dark mode. May be impossible to turn off if the screen is no longer touch sensitive when darkened unless the unmarked buttons can be used to disable it. Also a possible reason to want to use the shake-activated factory reset.
* '''Screaming mode (self-explanatory)''' - The phone screams. Reference to the screaming-while-falling [[1363: xkcd Phone|xkcd Phone 1]].
* '''Coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it)''' - This mysterious feature has a terrifying name, with even the developers refusing to test it out. This option would probably be very easy to accidentally tap, given the style of every xkcd Phone ever. Possibly activated with one of the unlabeled buttons making it even more dangerous. Coherent and Emission are associated with laser devices and the use of a laser could justify the helium reserve, and the Ultracapacitor implies a high energy throughput. Raises the question of who designs the phone if the people marketing it don't know what it does.

==Transcript==
* Full drivetrain warranty
* Coated for easy swallowing
* Surgical-grade apps
* Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
* Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
* 40 mL emergency water supply
* Security feature: unmarked side buttons
* 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches
* 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
* Extended release charge cable
* Closed timelike curves
* Fits in standard shipping container
* Interlocking, stackable
* Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility
* Sustain Pedal
* CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves
* Sacrificial anode
* Tactical helium reserve
* 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)
* Shake for factory reset
* Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you

The xkcd Phone 12* and 12 Max**

<nowiki>*Standard</nowiki> **For people named Max

"The only phone you'll ever own"®™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]

2377: xkcd Phone 12

2020-10-28T08:18:31Z

141.101.98.168: Explained CDC

{{comic
| number = 2377
| date = October 26, 2020
| title = xkcd Phone 12
| image = xkcd_phone_12.png
| titletext = New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it).
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a PERSON NAMED MAX. Closed timelike curves need more explanation. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This is the "12th" (actually the 8th) in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone]] series in which Randall explains his new joke phone designs with many strange and useless features. It is also a reference to the recently released {{w|iPhone 12}}. However, there have only been 8 comics released, with the previous two being [[2000: xkcd Phone 2000]] and [[1889: xkcd Phone 6]].

The note about the xkcd Phone 12 and the xkcd Phone 12 Max (only for people named Max) is a joke about the different models of iPhone 12: iPhone 12, iPhone 12 Mini, iPhone 12 Pro and iPhone 12 Pro Max. The xkcd Phone 12 Max would be expected to have a larger screen, but it seems that this phone is also only for people with the name Max. If the phones are respectively placed, Max's (Maxes'?) phone is the smaller of the two models.

The slogan '"The only phone you'll ever own"' could be interpreted as something of a threat, which is believable given some of the purported features. The slogan has the "registered trademark" symbol, with that symbol supposedly itself trademarked, which is highly unlikely.

Multiple features are labelled on the phone that are common when advertising other products, but highly unusual in mobile phones, for comedic effect:

* '''Full drivetrain warranty''' - A common warranty feature for automobiles--see {{w|drivetrain}}. As a side note, the phone here would be cheaping out on the warranty if it were a car; a "drivetrain" warranty covers everything ''except'' the engine; only if it was a "{{w|powertrain}}" warranty would it cover the engine. A phone typically has none of these things, although this one seemingly does.
* '''Coated for easy swallowing''' - A common feature on solid medicines meant to be taken orally. Phones do not belong in the set of edible objects, much less orally-taken medicines{{Citation needed}}. Since some parents of young children let them teethe on their phones, this would be an undesirable feature. There may be a pun here, based on the larger smartphones being practically the same as the more {{w|Tablet_computer|minimal portable computers}}.
* '''Surgical-grade apps''' - "Surgical-grade steel" is sometime used as a selling point indicating quality materials. This feature suggests that the apps themselves are made from high-quality material, although this is absurd because an app is (as the name suggests) a software application, not any physical object that could be reasonably defined as 'surgical-grade' or not. Note that both hardware and software can be certified for {{w|Safety-critical_system|safety-critical applications}}.
* '''Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing''' - {{w|Magnet fishing}} is an activity for searching for objects that can be pulled in by a strong magnet. A 600 pound magnet can lift a 600 pound (272 kg) object (at Earth's surface). This would tend to make the phone stick to any iron or steel objects (such as refrigerators) and be impossible to remove with human strength, and only the strongest humans could pick up the phone even if it were properly insulated. It would also be impossible to separate two phones without destroying one of them if the interlocking feature were used. This feature would also erase any credit cards the owner puts in the vicinity of the phone, meaning this phone could not be put in one's pocket with a wallet.
* '''Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque''' - This is a reference to {{w|ultrasonic toothbrush}}es. {{w|Oral-B}} does not produce any ultrasonic toothbrushes, but does produce ''{{w|sonic toothbrush}}es.'' There is a logical connection between electric toothbrushes and smartphones, namely they are both electronic and both vibrate; however, most phones cannot perform dentistry autonomously{{Citation needed}}.
* '''40 mL emergency water supply''' - 40 milliliters is equal to 40 cubic centimeters. For comparison, the iPhone 11 Pro Max's volume is just shy of 100 cubic centimeters; if the Phone 12 Max is similarly sized, then the water supply would take up over 40% of its total volume. In this day and age, many phones are water-resistant to some degree; nevertheless, shipping a phone with an interior consisting of a 3:2 ratio of electronics-to-water will surely lead to many short-circuited, inoperable phones. Furthermore, {{w|survival kit}}s often come with pouches that can hold several liters of water, in case of emergency. Because people typically take their phones with them everywhere they go, storing a survival kit inside the phone would be a life-saving feature. Unfortunately, 40cc of water is not enough to stave off thirst for a meaningful amount of time, extinguish a flame much larger than a candle's, or deal with most other situations which would constitute an emergency. Unless you are suitably proficient at {{w|Katara_(Avatar:_The_Last_Airbender)#Waterbending|waterbending}}, this feature is useless for its intended function. 40 milliliters is also the amount of fluid that a shot glass holds.
* '''Security feature: unmarked side buttons''' - Some vendors (particularly car dealers) try to explain away horrible User Interface functions as "Security Features". Technically, if no one (including the owner) can use it, it is secure... Some modern phones have unmarked side buttons, so the secureness of this feature is doubtful. This phone is likely to have trillions of buttons though, just to confuse the user. No buttons are visible which could indicate the side of the phone functions is touch sensitive and the buttons are not only unlabeled but not visible.
* '''3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches''' - {{w|Inductive charging|Induction charging}} is a method that a number of modern phones advertise, allowing power to (inefficiently but 'conveniently') transfer into a device from a mains charging station or another device's battery without the need for plugging in cables. It transfers energy between safely tuned coils, that do not touch, though typically the case of one device must remain placed directly upon the other for the optimal transfer of charge between them. {{w|Electrical_injury#Lethality|Shocks of 11,000 volts are usually lethal}}, so 3,000,000 volts of 'pure' electricity (possibly from a complete {{w|Tesla coil}} assemblage) is pretty much guaranteed to kill you. Worse still, it would render the phone unusable due to the high voltage emitted to any object or bodypart within its large range. The {{w|Electrical breakdown}} voltage of air is approximately 3 kV / mm, which would allow a 3 MV potential to jump a distance of 100 cm. 36 inches (91 cm), however, is within reach of a simple extension cord.
* '''99.9% BPA- and hands- free''' - {{w|Bisphenol A}} (or BPA) is a compound that is used in making plastics. BPA has been found to exhibit hormone-like properties, so there is a movement to produce BPA-free plastics using alternative bisphenols. {{w|Hands-free}} describes using the device "without hands", e.g. using voice commands. This is important when using a device while driving. These are 2 unrelated ideas, which use the suffix "free" in different meanings ("BPA-free" means "containing no BPA", while "hands-free" means "your hands are left free"). The construction "NOUN- and NOUN-ADJ" is normally only used with the meaning of "ADJ" repeated for both nouns, implying that this phone "contains no hands" (or possibly "your BPA is left free"). The "percentage free" description is also a standard form of advertising {{w|weasel word}}s. A food might be described as "90% fat-free" with the heavy implication that it has a tenth of the usual fat content, but likely really means "10% of the product is pure fat" (typically by weight or maybe pre-cooked volume) compared with perhaps 15% in the typical non-'fat-free' recipe. 0.1% of BPA is not an insignificant quantity given its possible effects, and is likely to be a higher leachable content if it is all concentrated in external trimmings. It is unclear what a tenth of a percent of a hand needs to do, to operate the device, but it does also mean that it is not as completely hands-free as implied. Or else it ''also'' implies a trace ingredient in the manufacturing process that should still concern you.
* '''Extended release charge cable''' - Electronics manufacturers support standards to reduce time to fully recharge, e.g. Qualcomm {{w|Quick Charge}} standard. This is a reference to "extended release" medication. It's unclear what purpose would be served by charging a phone slower than normal.
* '''Closed timelike curves''' - This label is applied to the curved corner of the phone. Randall may be making a visual joke by referring to the corner of the phone by a very complex relativistic concept. Given that {{w|Closed timelike curves}} are usually associated with solutions to general relativity that allow for time travel...
* '''Fits in standard shipping container''' - An {{w|intermodal shipping container}} is large enough to fit automobiles, raising the question of just how big this xkcd phone is.
* '''Interlocking, stackable''' - A quality of, among other things, LEGO bricks. Probably a bad idea to use this feature, given how close the phone is to critical mass.
* '''Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility''' - The {{w|Game Boy Printer}} was a thermal paper printer originally paired with the {{w|Game Boy Camera}}. This device was released in 1998 and discontinued in 2003, so this partnership would be obsolete.
* '''Sustain pedal''' - A {{w|sustain pedal}} is commonly associated with a digital keyboard or piano; it lets the note continue sounding when the key is released. It's unclear what purpose it would serve in a phone, although it might be used for the screaming mode in the title text.
* '''CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves''' - An allusion to the COVID-19 pandemic. CDC stands for Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the United States public health institute. In [[2284: Sabotage]], Randall "promised" to bring an annoying karaoke song to a party to hopefully discourage people from attending, but this phone will apparently do so automatically. "{{w|We Like to Party! (Vengaboys song)|We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)}}" is a 1998 Eurodance/techno hit by the Vengaboys, and is perhaps most familiar to Americans from a series of {{w|Six Flags}} ads.
* '''Sacrificial anode''' - Useful if something metal will be in a wet environment for a long time. Commonly used on bridges and boats, but it may be a 'feature' of this phone because of its built-in water reservoir. The {{w|sacrificial anode}} is made of a material with higher redox potential (typically zinc), and will corrode faster than the (more valuable) metal object it's attached to. It's unclear if the phone HAS a sacrificial anode or IS a sacrificial anode.
* '''Tactical helium reserve''' - Since 1925, the United States has had a {{w|National Helium Reserve|strategic helium reserve}}. Helium is very rare on earth and has important scientific and military uses, so it’s important to have a supply in case supplies disappear. But here we have a tactical helium reserve, which suggests it's smaller and focused on shorter-term goals. Compare {{w|strategic bombing}} focused on destroying entire cities or countries and {{w|tactical bombing}} aimed at destroying individual targets or military units. Helium also has the property of being lighter than air, so if this reserve is large enough, the phone could float away if let go. However, this is unlikely, as the phone boasts other, heavy components such as large magnets, a water reserve and a critical mass of fissile material.
* '''50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)''' - Indicates the phone contains fissile material. This "2x safety factor" means that if you put 2 phones next to each other, or put one phone next to a {{w|neutron reflector}}, you would have a {{w|criticality accident}}, which may explain why you would not own another phone after this one. A phone with this much fissile material would pose a radiation hazard. The "2x safety factor" claim may be related to physicist {{w|Richard Feynman|Richard Feynman's}} famous criticism of NASA in the {{w|Rogers Commission}} report on the space shuttle Challenger disaster. Feynman found that when he confronted NASA engineers with a part worn one third of the way through, which was not supposed to be worn through at all, the engineers claimed that this demonstrated a 3x safety factor rather than a failure of the part.
* '''Shake for factory reset''' - A {{w|factory reset}} is often possible on electronic devices, and is usually accomplished either by pressing a button that is often well-protected against accidental contact, for an extended period or closing an electrical bridge. This one works like an {{w|Etch A Sketch|Etch-a-Sketch}}, which would not be preferred, as [http://www.ahajokes.com/com045.html slight disturbances] could easily cause massive losses of data.
* '''Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you'''. {{w|Norton (software)|Norton}} and {{w|McAfee}} (note spelling!) are competing software security companies. This "protection" combines the two of them and claims that Norton (the person) will defend you if McAfee (the person) attacks you. May have been inspired by [https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/06/business/mcafee-arrested-tax-evasion.html John McAfee's recent arrest] which brought attention to the allegation that he had hired a hit man to kill his neighbor in Belize in 2012.

The title text mentions xkcd phone OS updates, including:
* '''Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid)''' - Whether on-screen icons snap to a grid is a very minor aspect of customization. Not having it would be incredibly unsatisfying, as it would make it very difficult to get icons exactly lined up vertically and horizontally.
* '''Dark mode (disables screen)''' - Dark mode is a popular feature on websites/apps with light backgrounds like Twitter and Reddit, changing the background to a dark color to help late-night users sleep better. Disabling the screen would not be a pleasant surprise when a user goes to turn on beloved dark mode. May be impossible to turn off if the screen is no longer touch sensitive when darkened unless the unmarked buttons can be used to disable it. Also a possible reason to want to use the shake-activated factory reset.
* '''Screaming mode (self-explanatory)''' - The phone screams. Reference to the screaming-while-falling [[1363: xkcd Phone|xkcd Phone 1]].
* '''Coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it)''' - This mysterious feature has a terrifying name, with even the developers refusing to test it out. This option would probably be very easy to accidentally tap, given the style of every xkcd Phone ever. Possibly activated with one of the unlabeled buttons making it even more dangerous. Coherent and Emission are associated with laser devices and the use of a laser could justify the helium reserve, and the Ultracapacitor implies a high energy throughput. Raises the question of who designs the phone if the people marketing it don't know what it does.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

* Full drivetrain warranty
* Coated for easy swallowing
* Surgical-grade apps
* Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
* Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
* 40 mL emergency water supply
* Security feature: unmarked side buttons
* 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches
* 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
* Extended release charge cable
* Closed timelike curves
* Fits in standard shipping container
* Interlocking, stackable
* Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility
* Sustain Pedal
* CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves
* Sacrificial anode
* Tactical helium reserve
* 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)
* Shake for factory reset
* Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you

The xkcd Phone 12* and 12 Max**

<nowiki>*Standard</nowiki> **For people named Max

"The only phone you'll ever own"®™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]

Talk:1760: TV Problems

2016-11-16T16:37:54Z

141.101.98.168:

Since his computer is broken maybe he's using the TV as a monitor to help download the CD? [[User:SparklyDingo|SparklyDingo]] ([[User talk:SparklyDingo|talk]]) 16:18, 16 November 2016 (UTC)--

Could we explain what his technical problem or current set up is more clearly? I still don't understand what he is attempting to do or why he needs his phone, a CD, and his TV to get his computer running. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.142.227|162.158.142.227]]

Do we even want to see the news any more? [[User:Hutchy01|Hutchy01]] ([[User talk:Hutchy01|talk]]) 15:45, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

I don't think the millennial comment is necessary. It really encourages a stereotype more than anything, and there is nothing whatsoever in the actual comic to suggest that cueball is trying to control the television with the smartphone. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.126.221|162.158.126.221]] 15:50, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

Possibly he uses a television as his monitor, but the HDMI (or VGA if it's old enough) connection isn't working (and if he's like me, he might not own an antenna to allow him to use his television normally). If I plug a second monitor into my laptop, I have to specifically tell my laptop to change the display. If his operating system is messed up, he probably can't even do that. He could be downloading a OS CD so that he can reformat, then he may have to deal with the follow-up of reinstalling all relevant drivers. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.210.196|108.162.210.196]] 16:26, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

Many computers these days don't come with optical drives so, rather than a "Rescue CD" you need to use a "Rescue USB". But how do you download that rescue image if your computer's broken? Use the browser in your phone. As a bonus, Android phones (at least) can masquerade as USB drives (see DriveDroid) so that the PC can boot from the image downloaded on the phone. It might also be worth referencing the trope of "Turn on the news" -> TV turns on just as something relevant to the plot is being announced. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.168|141.101.98.168]] 16:37, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

Talk:1556: The Sky

2015-07-27T11:57:18Z

141.101.98.168: Created page with "Typical, I think nobody's actually going to try to explain this, and I get Save Conflicted. My (wordier) version. In case any of it is useful. The sky is ever changing, and..."

Typical, I think nobody's actually going to try to explain this, and I get Save Conflicted. My (wordier) version. In case any of it is useful.
The sky is ever changing, and can often give interesting views such as that illustrated in the comic. Cueball and Megan seem to be agreeing about this, and its pleasing nature.
As (ignoring particularly unusual viewpoints, severe topography and obscuring vegetation/architecture) the sky is pretty much the upper hemisphere of any external view, it is inded a "half". It would seem to be redundant to say it is "one of my favourite halves", as that indicates both a list of at least two items to choose from ''and'' more than one 'favourite'. Being in 'the top two of a list of two' actually means nothing. But the other half could be the ground ''or'' the sea, ''or'' a composite of the two, so conceivably there ''might'' be more than two 'halves' to choose from in this case. Not that the statement makes much more sense.
The title-text acknowledges the fact that the other half can have snakes (the land), shipwrecks (the sea) and rocks (either), in a manner that sounds like justifications for any non-sky 'halves' being interesting too, to the kind of people Cueball and Megan seem to be. But it also suggests that by removing all of these you'd be seeing sky, below, that people on the other side of the 'rocks' (the whole Earth) had been seeing as their own 'sky above'. At least until the effects of entirely removing the substance of the planet start to show, of course.
...for what it's worth. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.168|141.101.98.168]] 11:57, 27 July 2015 (UTC)

Talk:1555: Exoplanet Names 2

2015-07-26T21:18:07Z

141.101.98.168:

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znxFrgql5dc "This Land"] is a ''Firefly'' reference. [[User:Keavon|Keavon]] ([[User talk:Keavon|talk]]) 05:11, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
: This land is also track n6 of The Lion King, I think Randall is also a fan of this.--[[User:NeoRaist|NeoRaist]] ([[User talk:NeoRaist|talk]]) 14:54, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

.. I almost feel like that titletext gives enough reason for there to be (some) pages about the [[what_if?|''What If?'']] series, but ehhhh... [[User:Pixali|Pixali]] ([[User talk:Pixali|talk]]|[[Special:Contributions/Pixali|contribs]]) 05:02, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

What is with Kepler-283? [[Special:Contributions/108.162.214.137|108.162.214.137]] 05:09, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
:283b is the phonetic spelling for Uranus (your-a-nus) and 283c is the phonetic spelling for Uranus (your-ay-nus) [[Special:Contributions/141.101.104.77|141.101.104.77]] 05:33, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

;Kostner
Is there a pun I'm missing by spelling Kevin Costner as "Kostner"? [[Special:Contributions/198.41.241.7|198.41.241.7]]
:[http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanet_names_2.png Randall fixed it.] I don't know how to update the file here, though. [[User:P1h3r1e3d13|P1h3r1e3d13]] ([[User talk:P1h3r1e3d13|talk]]) 20:15, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
::I got it - the file's been updated, but I had to go all the way to the image and force a refresh on my browser for it to appear correctly. :P [[User:KieferSkunk|KieferSkunk]] ([[User talk:KieferSkunk|talk]]) 00:34, 25 July 2015 (UTC)

;Novella

I'm not 100% sure what "Novella" refers to, aside from the dictionary definition of the word (and if that's the case I'm unsure of the context), but in case it's not widely-known on this wiki, I want to suggest the possibility that it's a tribute to the Novella brothers, who are among the co-hosts of the popular science podcast The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe. - [[Special:Contributions/108.162.241.175|108.162.241.175]] 04:43, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

:Seems like a cool podcast, sadly I don't have time to listen to 10 years Witt of podcasts. Any specific ones I should listen to and where should I start for new ones? {{unsigned ip|173.245.55.63}}
:: The podcast is very topical, often talking about current news items. It is OK to start with new ones, and back-fill as desired. [[User:Blaisepascal|Blaisepascal]] ([[User talk:Blaisepascal|talk]]) 18:57, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
: Considering the sex-themed names Novella it is grouped with. I will assume it is a joke on 60/70's exploitation/B-movies, some of which had names or leadcharacters named something..-ella. In this case the prefix is just particularly confusing ;) [[Special:Contributions/188.114.110.47|188.114.110.47]] 08:51, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

;A$aplanet

Is a pun on the rap group {{w|A$AP Mob}} and their most prominient member {{w|A$AP Rocky}}.
: Included that possibility. Thanks. Didn't know of A$AP, before. [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 13:21, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

Somehow I just read this as "a dollar a planet", maybe refering to a donating scheme ("a dollar donated for every planet found" or even more along the lines of "a dollar a day", meaning: donate 1 dollar to save this planet) or a sale advertisement ("just $1 to buy a planet", which is very likely to be a scam as it would not be possible with current technology to visit another planet outside of our solar system) [[Special:Contributions/198.41.242.253|198.41.242.253]] 15:15, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

;Planet of the Apes (disambiguation)
I think the suggestion here is to actually put the "(disambiguation)" in the name of the planet, thereby creating a problem in the wikipedia entry, since [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planet_of_the_Apes_%28disambiguation%29 there's already a wikipedia page with that title]. They would have to create a meta-disambiguation page, which is why this is funny. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.235|141.101.98.235]] 13:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

;Kepler-438b
In the previous comic, Kepler-438 was named Kepler-1686 (which does not seem to exist...) and was updated to the current [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kepler-438b Kepler-438b]. It even is colored red to show the update. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.23.198|162.158.23.198]] 16:34, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

;Hot Mess

Why is Hot Mess an Arrested Development thing? The phrase is in general use, not just limited to viewers of that show. {{unsigned ip|108.162.237.189}}

;Air Bud Pluto #9 Reference
A few strips back, in ''Rulebook'', we were debating whether the "9" on the dog's jersey may have been a subtle jab at the Pluto debate. I argued that there was a strong possibility of that, given the timing of that comic immediately after the New Horizons flyby, the strong relationship between dogs and the name Pluto, and Pluto's former status as the 9th planet. There was no way to prove that that was what Randall had in mind (short of him personally confirming it), but I think this strip could lend some credence to it. What do you think? [[User:KieferSkunk|KieferSkunk]] ([[User talk:KieferSkunk|talk]]) 17:50, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
;Definition of Planet
What about the fact that the new definition of planet made by the IAU says it has to be around the sun. None of these would fit the definition of planet then and the answer to "is Pluto a planet" would still be no.[[User:Agent0013|Agent0013]]
: Here's a link to the IAU resolution which defines a planet (and confirms Agent0013's comment): [http://www.iau.org/news/pressreleases/detail/iau0603/ IAU 2006 General Assembly Results]. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.50.150|173.245.50.150]] 19:35, 25 July 2015 (UTC)

;Planet with Arms
(I just added this to the 1253 talk. Adding it here too.) I think Planet With Arms refers to both Hitchhiker's and to Galileo describing Saturn as a 'planet with ears' when he discovered. it. --[[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.26|173.245.54.26]] 13:12, 25 July 2015 (UTC)

A few more possibilities for you:
*"Skydot" - a reference to Carl Sagan's famous "Pale Blue Dot" of Earth.
*"Seas of Toothpaste" - possibly referencing the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" with its various peculiar "Seas" (e.g., "Sea of Phrenology", "Sea of Holes")
*"Moonchild" is a generic hippy name, and also the title of a 1917 novel by Aleister Crowley and songs by King Crimson and Iron Maiden. The King Crimson song, perhaps importantly, is the fourth song (i.e., "song d") on their debut album.
* "Planet With Arms" also follows on directly after "LEGoland" as a pun, as well as referencing Galileo's description of Saturn as a planet with ears.
[[User:Grutness|Grutness]] ([[User talk:Grutness|talk]]) 01:48, 26 July 2015 (UTC)

Planet with arms could also probably be a reference to the 'birds with arms' meme. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.249.169|108.162.249.169]] 09:12, 26 July 2015 (UTC)

It's probably not intentional, but '''Spherical Discworld''' reminded me of an aspect of the Pratchett novel, ''Strata'' (pre-Discworld-series, i.e. ''very'' early work, and arguably a bit rough around the edges, but you still might want to peruse it some time). Although I'm not wanting to go into any more detail lest I spoiler the very interesting thing that I'm talking about. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.168|141.101.98.168]] 21:18, 26 July 2015 (UTC)

136: Science Fair

2014-08-06T13:58:53Z

141.101.98.168: /* Explanation */ elements of female anatomy are frequently included! Head, arms sometimes whole bodies. Or did you mean images of the vulva? anyway, i deleted that sentence since it didn't help to clarify.

{{comic
| number = 136
| date = August 2, 2006
| title = Science Fair
| image = science_fair.png
| titletext = This poster actually inspired a two-hour powerpoint presentation that Al Gore gave around the country.
}}

==Explanation==

A {{w|science fair}} involves schoolchildren doing research on a subject of their choice. The purpose is to give them hands-on experience with scientific techniques. Even so, a project based on {{w|cunnilingus}}, oral stimulation of the female genitalia, would not likely be acceptable in a science fair, a setting that is not only public but also involving children.

Especially cute are the notations for a function, its {{w|Fourier transform}}, and its {{w|Laplace transform}}.

The title text is probably a reference to {{w|An Inconvenient Truth}}, a 94-minute documentary film where former US vice president {{w|Al Gore}} teaches the general public about the dangers of global warming. It has been included in science curricula in schools around the world, to the ire of easily bored students everywhere.

==Transcript==
:Although it caught me by surprise at the time, looking back I understand why my senior science fair project went over as badly as it did.
:[Poster.]
:The Mathematics of Cunnilingus
:f(t) F(w) L(s)
:Challenges in Frequency-domain analysis

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Sex]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]

123: Centrifugal Force

2014-08-06T08:58:04Z

141.101.98.168: /* Explanation */ what is a frame of reference.

{{comic
| number = 123
| date = July 3, 2006
| title = Centrifugal Force
| image = centrifugal_force.png
| titletext = You spin me right round baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.
}}

==Explanation==
[[Black Hat]] has strapped {{w|James Bond}} to a centrifuge and claims the {{w|Centrifugal force|centrifugal}} force will be lethal. Bond objects that there is no such thing, but just {{w|Centripetal force|centripetal}} force. This is a common misconception among science teachers which is addressed in the explanation below:
;Observers' point of view (Black Hat, us, etc.)
:James Bond is moving in a circle, and is therefore accelerating. The force keeping him there is an inward force of contact against the centrifuge, a centripetal force. Via Newton's {{w|Newton's laws of motion#Newton's third law|third law}}, since the centrifuge is pushing Bond inward, Bond is pushing the centrifuge outward. The centrifuge's material is strong enough not to break under this force, however.
;James Bond's point of view
:In James Bond's frame of reference, Bond is at rest. He is kept there by two forces: the above-mentioned inward force of contact against the centrifuge, and an ''outward centrifugal force''. He feels both forces.

As mentioned in the explanation, as the centrifuge rotates faster, the forces needed to keep him in motion get larger, so the force he feels gets larger. This will eventually kill him. The conclusion will be the same regardless of which frame of reference is chosen.

Teachers of mechanics are well aware of this, however in introductory expositions these ideas are often not taught. In theoretical mechanics, one describes the positions and velocities of the particles in a model relative to a frame of reference. This means that a time is chosen to be time 0, and positions are chosen to be (0,0,0), (1,0,0), (0,1,0) and (0,0,1). With these chosen, the position and time of any particle in the system can be described. It is an axiom of Newtonian Mechanics that there exist "Inertial Frames". In an inertial frame a particle will remain at rest or at a constant speed unless acted on by an external force, and Newton's second law takes a simple form: F=ma. The surface of the Earth approximates an inertial frame. In a non-inertial frame, such as one rotating with a giant centrifuge, or moving with a accelerating vehicle, a particle will accelerate, relative to the frame. Newton's second law, when formed in such a frame is much more complicated, as it has terms for the linear acceleration of the frame, the angular acceleration of the frame, the centrifugal force and the Coriolis force. These extra terms are sometimes called "fictitious forces" as they result not from the choice of the frame of reference. The mathematics required to describe problems in a non-inertial frame is more sophisticated, and all problems may be solved using an inertial frame. Thus is reasonable that teachers at school level "lie to children" and teach the mechanics in inertial frames.

The final statement by Black Hat is that said by {{w|Auric Goldfinger}} in {{w|Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger}} in response to James Bond's question "Do you expect me to talk?"

The title text is inspired by {{w|Dead or Alive (band)|Dead or Alive's}} famous song from 1985, "{{w|You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)|You Spin Me Round}}".

==Transcript==
:[James Bond is strapped to a giant wheel suspended from the ceiling. Black hat is standing next to two levers.]
:Black hat: How do you like my centrifuge, mister Bond? When I throw this lever, you will feel centrifugal force crush every bone in your body.
:[Same scene, but a closer shot.]
:Bond: You mean centripetal force. There's no such thing as centrifugal force.
:Black hat: A laughable claim, mister Bond, perpetuated by overzealous teachers of science. Simply construct Newton's laws in a rotating system and you will see a centrifugal force term appear as plain as day.
:[Closer shot, only Bond's head is visible.]
:Bond: Come now, do you really expect me to do coordinate substitution in my head while strapped to a centrifuge?
:Black hat: No, mister Bond. I expect you to die.
{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Physics]]