explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

Talk:2910: The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

2024-03-22T14:59:10Z

141.101.98.53:

well ''that'' was early. [[user talk:lettherebedarklight|youtu.be/miLcaqq2Zpk]] 11:47, 22 March 2024 (UTC)

This singer is a bit fast and loose with the rhyme-scheme; aAbCd(?D)eC with the "dD", especially, being Go+Most, Tune+Words(!), ¿This/As?+Words and Crimes+Time. And scansion is potentially off (mid-line endings definitely are). I would hope that another shipwreck wouldn't happen until this new guy has tightened up his own art a little. (But once he gets good enough, fair enough!) [[Special:Contributions/172.71.242.161|172.71.242.161]] 12:57, 22 March 2024 (UTC)

:"For it's challenging trying to write good" [[User:N0lqu|-boB]] ([[User talk:N0lqu|talk]]) 14:00, 22 March 2024 (UTC)

Is the Cameron accusation also suggesting that he has actual time travel technology, as shown in his Terminator movies? [[User:Barmar|Barmar]] ([[User talk:Barmar|talk]]) 14:19, 22 March 2024 (UTC)

How long should we wait before using peoples' deaths as entertainment? Relatives and friends of the crew are still alive. Are the terrorist attacks of 2001 open yet for parody? ...or wait another decade or two? Please consider others. [[Special:Contributions/172.69.214.108|172.69.214.108]] 14:26, 22 March 2024 (UTC)
: Given that the original song turned it into entertainment less than a year after, and it's been widely parodied pretty much ever since, I think you may, if you'll pardon the phrase, have missed the boat on that one.[[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.53|141.101.98.53]] 14:59, 22 March 2024 (UTC)

Talk:2825: Autumn and Fall

2023-10-07T16:24:24Z

141.101.98.53:

:Who calls it the "fall equinox"? I thought the equinoctes were always described as "vernal" and "autumnal"? [[User:Mathmannix|Mathmannix]] ([[User talk:Mathmannix|talk]]) 19:11, 6 September 2023 (UTC)

:: Americans sometimes call it the fall equinox casually [[Special:Contributions/172.71.158.100|172.71.158.100]] 19:56, 6 September 2023 (UTC)

:: In American English, "fall equinox" contrasts with "spring equinox" in the same way "summer solstice" contrasts with "winter solstice." The Latinate names are "autumnal equinox," "hibernal solstice," "vernal equinox," and "estival solstice," but since British English lost its non-Latinate name for the fall, the term "autumnal equinox" has to do double duty. The Latinate names are rather more common for equinoxes than solstices, but all four names are used. Also used are "September equinox," "December solstice," "March equinox," and "June solstice" if the context doesn't let you commit to one hemisphere or the other. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.216.74|108.162.216.74]] 09:20, 7 September 2023 (UTC)

:: Most people? It is the equinox that falls in Fall. So the Fall equinox. Like the summer and winter solstice. Which also invalidates anybody claiming the summer soltice being the last day of spring.[[Special:Contributions/172.69.150.102|172.69.150.102]] 16:08, 7 September 2023 (UTC)

:WRT the alt text, perhaps this is a woosh moment, but "fall" isn't at all common in British parlance. We know it, but only as an Americanism of what we would just call "Autumn". [[Special:Contributions/172.68.19.103|172.68.19.103]] 20:55, 6 September 2023 (UTC)
:: That's the joke. Just as Americans don't typically use "autumn", the UK does not use "fall". [[Special:Contributions/172.69.34.12|172.69.34.12]] 21:45, 6 September 2023 (UTC)

What "type of five-season system shown in the comic"? The comic doesn't show five-season system. It shows EIGHT season system. We just only know names of five of them. -- [[User:Hkmaly|Hkmaly]] ([[User talk:Hkmaly|talk]]) 23:17, 6 September 2023 (UTC)

: That's the point, though: if the English language had an 8-season system, we'd have 8 names for them — but we only have 5. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.110.225|162.158.110.225]] 07:05, 7 September 2023 (UTC)

: Canada has 11 seasons with names for all of them: https://twitter.com/mathewi/status/1234532208423178241?lang=en (one of many variations on this meme, but rings very true if you live up north)

:Actually, I find there's no indication that Randall has any similar ideas about the other 3 seasons. It's quite possibly and even likely that he sees no such vagueness of feeling about Summer & Winter, and not really Spring either. Also, Autumn has "Fall" as a synonym for Randall to split up, I know no such synonyms for the other 3 seasons. [[User:NiceGuy1|NiceGuy1]] ([[User talk:NiceGuy1|talk]]) 04:31, 10 September 2023 (UTC)

I think the statement "nowhere uses the type of five-season system shown in the comic." deserves an actual "citation needed" and not the joke one. Personally I didn't know about the six season thing in South Asia so it's not obvious that noone uses 5 seasons. [[User:Bischoff|Bischoff]] ([[User talk:Bischoff|talk]]) 11:07, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
::I definitely agree. I was going to comment the same thing.[[Special:Contributions/172.70.178.11|172.70.178.11]] 12:51, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
::The Hebrew bible, in the Book of Genesis (Gen. 8:22), establishes six seasons (consistent with the west-Asian origin story of the progenitors of the Hebrew race) of Sowing, Reaping, Cold, Heat, Summer, and Winter. {{unsigned ip|162.158.155.159|03:52, 8 September 2023}}
::Not really, I disagree, it's the typical "Can't prove a negative", what website/source is going to SAY "Nobody has 5 seasons"? It's something we just generally feel, even know, but I think it can only be DISproven, if someone finds a place that recognizes 5. It seems wrong to put "Citation Needed" for something which cannot be cited. [[User:NiceGuy1|NiceGuy1]] ([[User talk:NiceGuy1|talk]]) 04:31, 10 September 2023 (UTC)
:::Also, it's not "nowhere uses a five-season system", it's "nowhere uses the type of five-season system shown in the comic". I can easily imagine there is some places with five seasons, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be like that. --[[Special:Contributions/172.71.122.151|172.71.122.151]] 07:44, 12 September 2023 (UTC)

Can you believe it guys? First day of fall. Just a week away! First day of fall is in a week! Woohoo! I am so happy about this information. first day of fall, just a week away. Oh wow. Can you believe it? First day of fall! Just in a week! It got here so fast. First day of fall! [[Special:Contributions/172.71.22.39|172.71.22.39]] 11:51, 7 September 2023 (UTC)Bumpf

I'm surprised he didn't find a way to work in the "unofficial" seasons, which are based on holidays that straddle the periods of summer weather. In the US, Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer, and Labor Day the unofficial end. They also coincide approximately with school summer breaks. [[User:Barmar|Barmar]] ([[User talk:Barmar|talk]]) 14:20, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
: I just saw this comment, but that's exactly what I just added. :-) [[Special:Contributions/162.158.79.161|162.158.79.161]] 23:40, 7 September 2023 (UTC)

I'm just unreasonably pleased that someone of note is acknowledging that calling the equinoxes & solstices, the "start" of a season, is absurd from the standpoint of tracking the weather: The shortest day, occurring near the meteorological ''middle'' of winter even in the most delayed climates, is ''obviously not'' the "start" of winter, & likewise the weather shifts noticeably about a month before the vernal & autumnal equinoxes. The seemingly obligatory "first day of summer!" proclamations in the middle of June feel ''really'' disingenuous & annoying when much of the continent has already been seeing 90°F\32°C for weeks. '''By what means can we collectively petition to abolish this obviously incorrect practice''' & start ''properly'' referring to the solstices & equinoxes as the ''middle'' of their respective seasons, instead?
[[User:ProphetZarquon|ProphetZarquon]] ([[User talk:ProphetZarquon|talk]]) 16:30, 7 September 2023 (UTC)

:It's actually a classic trick question, "Do days get longer or shorter in winter?". Days are shorter (than in summer), yes, but given that winter quite famously can be said to {{w|Winter#Astronomical and other calendar-based reckoning|start on the shortest day}}, means that the answer is actually "longer", as the season heads towards the equinox and nights shorten from their maximum. (Either that or "neither, they're ''all'' 24 hours long" ...well, give or take the occasional leap second...)
:So, anyway, it's astronomical seasons. [[Special:Contributions/172.70.85.230|172.70.85.230]] 17:06, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
:As a science teacher, I feel this a lot. {{unsigned ip|162.158.155.159|03:52, 8 September 2023}}
::By the way, if you take a look at the difference between Gregorian and Julian calendars, the Gregorian calendar was designed to correct for the 0.25% imprecision of the Julian calendar, so Julian dates for the equinoxes and solstices are actually ~16 days later than Gregorian dates for the same. Hence why Orthodox religions observe different dates for Xmas and Easter. (Interestingly, the Jewish calendar was codified before the Gregorian calendar was proposed, and the Jewish calendar tries to unite lunar and solar cycles [according to the 19-year Metonic cycle], so Jewish dates having to do with the solar revolution are only accurate in the Julian calendar.) {{unsigned ip|162.158.155.160|04:00, 8 September 2023}}
:Speaking from the UK, starting summer in June seems entirely reasonable. What's idiotic is assuming that all the seasons are the same length - typically we have about three weeks of summer, a week and a half of winter, and the rest is spring/autumn.[[Special:Contributions/172.71.178.171|172.71.178.171]] 09:21, 11 September 2023 (UTC)

Interestingly, assuming that the September 1st is marked as the midnight (00:00hrs, otherwise identifiable as 24:00hrs of August 31st), the tick-marks being day-boundaries and the whole-bar mark being month-boundary, the position marked for the equinox appears to be ''very'' close to the time of 06:50 on the 23rd, which makes it agree with the ''UTC/UT1'' timing for this year's actual moment of south-bound equinox. Translated to Randall's presumed TZ at the time (-5, and +1 back for DST) surely it should happen to him significantly closer to the midnight marker, however. Not sure if he's being very clever or slightly sloppy. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.99.141|141.101.99.141]] 05:10, 8 September 2023 (UTC)

Regarding a five-season system, I immediately come to think of the situation in Sweden. There are the four standard seasons, but it's often mentioned that the Sami people has eight seasons. The only one of the four "intermediate" seasons used but the majority people (to some extent), is the "spring-winter". So, in the Swedish language it ''might'' be possible to talk about five seasons. :) [[User:Fomalhaut|Fomalhaut]] ([[User talk:Fomalhaut|talk]]) 14:24, 11 September 2023 (UTC)

Actually, I (Mid-Atlantic US resident) only observe a three-season calendar: "Live like a normal Human being, because it is daylight until 20:00 or later", "Huddle at home like a hermit, because it is pitch-black before 18:00", and the season in-between. [[User:These Are Not The Comments You Are Looking For|These Are Not The Comments You Are Looking For]] ([[User talk:These Are Not The Comments You Are Looking For|talk]]) 16:27, 17 September 2023 (UTC)

I think he is also making fun of the UK vs BRITISH. He talks about this being a US/UK thing, meaning that the autumn 1st then fall seasons next are a US and UK thing. Then he talks about the British reversing the order, implying that British are completely different from UK just as he is implying that Fall and Autumn are completely different things. {{unsigned|Madmanpierre|15:08, 7 October 2023}}
:Well, that's already said, I think. (Although "UK vs BRITISH"... you mean like how {{w|File:British_Isles_Euler_diagram_15.svg|within this set of differences?}} Not sure why you're invoking that.) [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.53|141.101.98.53]] 16:24, 7 October 2023 (UTC)

2377: xkcd Phone 12

2020-10-28T22:16:21Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 2377
| date = October 26, 2020
| title = xkcd Phone 12
| image = xkcd_phone_12.png
| titletext = New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it).
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a PERSON NAMED MAX. Closed timelike curves need more explanation. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This is the "12th" (actually the 8th) in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone]] series in which Randall explains his new joke phone designs with many strange and useless features. It is also a reference to the recently released {{w|iPhone 12}}. However, there have only been 8 comics released, with the previous two being [[2000: xkcd Phone 2000]] and [[1889: xkcd Phone 6]].

The note about the xkcd Phone 12 and the xkcd Phone 12 Max (only for people named Max) is a joke about the different models of iPhone 12: iPhone 12, iPhone 12 Mini, iPhone 12 Pro and iPhone 12 Pro Max. The xkcd Phone 12 Max would be expected to have a larger screen, but it seems that this phone is also only for people with the name Max. If the phones are respectively placed, Max's (Maxes'?) phone is the smaller of the two models.

The slogan '"The only phone you'll ever own"' could be interpreted as something of a threat, which is believable given some of the purported features. The slogan has the "registered trademark" symbol, with that symbol supposedly itself trademarked, which is highly unlikely. It is similar to the phrase ''"The last suit you'll ever wear"'', describing the black suits worn by the Men In Black in the movie of the same name.

Multiple features are labelled on the phone that are common when advertising other products, but highly unusual in mobile phones, for comedic effect:

* '''Full drivetrain warranty''' - A common warranty feature for automobiles--see {{w|drivetrain}}. As a side note, the phone here would be cheaping out on the warranty if it were a car; a "drivetrain" warranty covers almost everything ''except'' the engine; only if it was a "{{w|powertrain}}" warranty would it cover the engine. A phone typically has none of these things, although this one seemingly does.
* '''Coated for easy swallowing''' - A common feature on solid medicines meant to be taken orally. Phones do not belong in the set of edible objects, much less orally-taken medicines{{Citation needed}}. Since some parents of young children let them teethe on their phones, this would be an undesirable feature. There may be a pun here, based on the larger smartphones being practically the same as the more {{w|Tablet_computer|minimal portable computers}}.
* '''Surgical-grade apps''' - "Surgical-grade steel" is sometime used as a selling point indicating quality materials. This feature suggests that the apps themselves are made from high-quality material, although this is absurd because an app is (as the name suggests) a software application, not any physical object that could be reasonably defined as 'surgical-grade' or not. Note that both hardware and software can be certified for {{w|Safety-critical_system|safety-critical applications}}.
* '''Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing''' - {{w|Magnet fishing}} is an activity for searching for objects that can be pulled in by a strong magnet. A 600 pound magnet can lift a 600 pound (272 kg) object (at Earth's surface). This would tend to make the phone stick to any iron or steel objects (such as refrigerators) and be impossible to remove with human strength, and only the strongest humans could pick up the phone even if it were properly insulated. It would also be impossible to separate two phones without destroying one of them if the interlocking feature were used. This feature would also erase any credit cards the owner puts in the vicinity of the phone, meaning this phone could not be put in one's pocket with a wallet.
* '''Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque''' - This is a reference to {{w|ultrasonic toothbrush}}es. {{w|Oral-B}} does not produce any ultrasonic toothbrushes, but does produce ''{{w|sonic toothbrush}}es.'' There is a logical connection between electric toothbrushes and smartphones, namely they are both electronic and both vibrate; however, most phones cannot perform dentistry autonomously{{Citation needed}}.
* '''40 mL emergency water supply''' - 40 milliliters is equal to 40 cubic centimeters. For comparison, the iPhone 11 Pro Max's volume is just shy of 100 cubic centimeters; if the Phone 12 Max is similarly sized, then the water supply would take up over 40% of its total volume. In this day and age, many phones are water-resistant to some degree; nevertheless, shipping a phone with an interior consisting of a 3:2 ratio of electronics-to-water will surely lead to many short-circuited, inoperable phones.<br/>Furthermore, {{w|survival kit}}s often come with pouches that can hold several liters of water, in case of emergency. Because people typically take their phones with them everywhere they go, storing a survival kit inside the phone would be a life-saving feature. Unfortunately, 40cc of water is not enough to stave off thirst for a meaningful amount of time, extinguish a flame much larger than a candle's, or deal with most other situations which would constitute an emergency. Unless you are suitably proficient at {{w|Katara_(Avatar:_The_Last_Airbender)#Waterbending|waterbending}}, this feature is useless for its intended function. 40 milliliters is also the amount of fluid that a shot glass holds.
* '''Security feature: unmarked side buttons''' - Some vendors (particularly car dealers) try to explain away horrible User Interface functions as "Security Features". Technically, if no one (including the owner) can use it, it is secure... Some modern phones have unmarked side buttons, so the secureness of this feature is doubtful. This phone is likely to have trillions of buttons though, just to confuse the user. No buttons are visible which could indicate the side of the phone functions is touch sensitive and the buttons are not only unlabeled but not visible.
* '''3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches''' - {{w|Inductive charging|Induction charging}} is a method that a number of modern phones advertise, allowing power to (inefficiently but 'conveniently') transfer into a device from a mains charging station or another device's battery without the need for plugging in cables. It transfers energy between safely tuned coils, that do not touch, though typically the case of one device must remain placed directly upon the other for the optimal transfer of charge between them. {{w|Electrical_injury#Lethality|Shocks of 11,000 volts are usually lethal}}, so 3,000,000 volts of 'pure' electricity (possibly from a complete {{w|Tesla coil}} assemblage) is pretty much guaranteed to kill you. Worse still, it would render the phone unusable due to the high voltage emitted to any object or bodypart within its large range. The {{w|Electrical breakdown}} voltage of air is approximately 3 kV / mm, which would allow a 3 MV potential to jump a distance of 100 cm. 36 inches (91 cm), however, is within reach of a simple extension cord.
* '''99.9% BPA- and hands- free''' - {{w|Bisphenol A}} (or BPA) is a compound that is used in making plastics. BPA has been found to exhibit hormone-like properties, so there is a movement to produce BPA-free plastics using alternative bisphenols. {{w|Hands-free}} describes using the device "without hands", e.g. using voice commands. This is important when using a device while driving. These are 2 unrelated ideas, which use the suffix "free" in different meanings ("BPA-free" means "containing no BPA", while "hands-free" means "your hands need not be used"). The construction "NOUN- and NOUN-ADJ" is normally only used with the meaning of "ADJ" repeated for both nouns, implying that this phone "contains no hands" (or possibly "your BPA is left free"). The "percentage free" description is also a standard form of advertising {{w|weasel word}}s. A food might be described as "90% fat-free" with the heavy implication that it has a tenth of the usual fat content, but likely really means "10% of the product is pure fat" (typically by weight or maybe pre-cooked volume) compared with perhaps 15% in the typical non-'fat-free' recipe. 0.1% of BPA is not an insignificant quantity given its possible effects, and is likely to be a higher leachable content if it is all concentrated in external trimmings. It is unclear what a tenth of a percent of a hand needs to do, to operate the device, but it does also mean that it is not as completely hands-free as implied. Or else it ''also'' implies a trace ingredient in the manufacturing process that should still concern you. Could concievably be skin cells from the workers although the idea of a phone full of skin particles isn't much better.
* '''Extended release charge cable''' - Electronics manufacturers support standards to reduce time to fully recharge, e.g. Qualcomm {{w|Quick Charge}} standard. This is a reference to {{w|Modified-release dosage|"extended release" medication}}. It's unclear what purpose would be served by charging a phone slower than normal.
* '''Closed timelike curves''' - This label is applied to the curved corner of the phone. Randall may be making a visual joke by referring to the corner of the phone by a very complex relativistic concept. Given that {{w|Closed timelike curves}} are usually associated with solutions to general relativity that allow for time travel...
* '''Fits in standard shipping container''' - An {{w|intermodal shipping container}} is large enough to fit automobiles, raising the question of just how big this xkcd phone is.
* '''Interlocking, stackable''' - A quality of, among other things, LEGO bricks. Probably a bad idea to use this feature, given how close the phone is to critical mass.
* '''Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility''' - The {{w|Game Boy Printer}} was a thermal paper printer originally paired with the {{w|Game Boy Camera}}. This device was released in 1998 and discontinued in 2003, so this partnership would be obsolete.
* '''Sustain pedal''' - A {{w|sustain pedal}} is commonly associated with a digital keyboard or piano; it lets the note continue sounding when the key is released. It's unclear what purpose it would serve in a phone, although it might be used for the screaming mode in the title text.
* '''CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves''' - An allusion to the COVID-19 pandemic. CDC stands for Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the United States public health institute. In [[2284: Sabotage]], Randall "promised" to bring an annoying karaoke song to a party to hopefully discourage people from attending, but this phone will apparently do so automatically. "{{w|We Like to Party! (Vengaboys song)|We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)}}" is a 1998 Eurodance/techno hit by the Vengaboys, and is perhaps most familiar to Americans from a series of {{w|Six Flags}} ads.
* '''Sacrificial anode''' - Useful if something metal will be in a wet environment for a long time. Commonly used on bridges and boats, but it may be a 'feature' of this phone because of its built-in water reservoir. The {{w|sacrificial anode}} is made of a material with higher redox potential (typically zinc), and will corrode faster than the (more valuable) metal object it's attached to. It's unclear if the phone HAS a sacrificial anode or IS a sacrificial anode.
* '''Tactical helium reserve''' - Since 1925, the United States has had a {{w|National Helium Reserve|strategic helium reserve}}. Helium is very rare on earth and has important scientific and military uses, so it’s important to have a supply in case supplies disappear. But here we have a tactical helium reserve, which suggests it's smaller and focused on shorter-term goals. Compare {{w|strategic bombing}} focused on destroying entire cities or countries and {{w|tactical bombing}} aimed at destroying individual targets or military units. Helium also has the property of being lighter than air, so if this reserve is large enough, the phone could float away if let go. However, this is unlikely, as the phone boasts other, heavy components such as large magnets, a water reserve and a critical mass of fissile material.
* '''50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)''' - Indicates the phone contains fissile material. This "2x safety factor" means that if you put 2 phones next to each other, or put one phone next to a {{w|neutron reflector}}, you would have a {{w|criticality accident}}, which may explain why you would not own another phone after this one. A phone with this much fissile material would pose a radiation hazard. The "2x safety factor" claim may be related to physicist {{w|Richard Feynman|Richard Feynman's}} famous criticism of NASA in the {{w|Rogers Commission}} report on the space shuttle Challenger disaster. Feynman found that when he confronted NASA engineers with a part worn one third of the way through, which was not supposed to be worn through at all, the engineers claimed that this demonstrated a 3x safety factor rather than a failure of the part.
* '''Shake for factory reset''' - A {{w|factory reset}} is often possible on electronic devices, and is usually accomplished either by pressing a button that is often well-protected against accidental contact, for an extended period or closing an electrical bridge. This one works like an {{w|Etch A Sketch|Etch-a-Sketch}}, which would not be preferred, as [http://www.ahajokes.com/com045.html slight disturbances] could easily cause massive losses of data.
* '''Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you'''. {{w|Norton (software)|Norton}} and {{w|McAfee}} (note spelling!) are competing software security companies. This "protection" combines the two of them and claims that Norton (the person) will defend you if McAfee (the person) attacks you. May have been inspired by [https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/06/business/mcafee-arrested-tax-evasion.html John McAfee's recent arrest] which brought attention to the allegation that he had hired a hit man to kill his neighbor in Belize in 2012.

The title text mentions xkcd phone OS updates, including:
* '''Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid)''' - If icons snap to a grid with, say, 6x5 positions, then for each icon you only have 30 customization options. If, on the other, you don't have to keep them aligned to a grid, and your phone has, say, one million pixels, then you have one million customization choices for each icon. This is a lot, but it's still not "Infinite customizations", so we're clearly facing a case of misleading advertising. Whether on-screen icons snap to a grid is a very minor aspect of customization. Not having it would be incredibly unsatisfying, as it would make it very difficult to get icons exactly lined up vertically and horizontally.
* '''Dark mode (disables screen)''' - Dark mode is a popular feature on websites/apps with light backgrounds like Twitter and Reddit, changing the background to a dark color to help late-night users sleep better. Disabling the screen would not be a pleasant surprise when a user goes to turn on beloved dark mode. May be impossible to turn off if the screen is no longer touch sensitive when darkened unless the unmarked buttons can be used to disable it. Also a possible reason to want to use the shake-activated factory reset.
* '''Screaming mode (self-explanatory)''' - The phone screams. Reference to the screaming-while-falling [[1363: xkcd Phone|xkcd Phone 1]].
* '''Coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it)''' - This mysterious feature has a terrifying name, with even the developers refusing to test it out. This option would probably be very easy to accidentally tap, given the style of every xkcd Phone ever. Possibly activated with one of the unlabeled buttons making it even more dangerous. Coherent and Emission are associated with laser devices and the use of a laser could justify the helium reserve, and the Ultracapacitor implies a high energy throughput. Raises the question of who designs the phone if the people marketing it don't know what it does.

==Transcript==
* Full drivetrain warranty
* Coated for easy swallowing
* Surgical-grade apps
* Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
* Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
* 40 mL emergency water supply
* Security feature: unmarked side buttons
* 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches
* 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
* Extended release charge cable
* Closed timelike curves
* Fits in standard shipping container
* Interlocking, stackable
* Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility
* Sustain Pedal
* CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves
* Sacrificial anode
* Tactical helium reserve
* 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)
* Shake for factory reset
* Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you

The xkcd Phone 12* and 12 Max**

<nowiki>*Standard</nowiki> **For people named Max

"The only phone you'll ever own"®™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]

648: Fall Foliage

2014-08-25T19:33:45Z

141.101.98.53: Undo revision 73964 by Dgbrt (talk) Like fuck they do. Don't be obtuse. You're not even a native speaker, how would you know?

{{comic
| number =648
| date =October 12, 2009
| title =Fall Foliage
| image =fall_foliage.png
| titletext =And I could replace you with older pictures of you, from back when you looked happy.
}}

==Explanation==
Cueball and Megan have driven some distance from home, and Megan's enjoying the pastime of {{w|leaf peeping}}, happily taking photographs of the beautiful fall (the season called autumn in other English speaking areas of the world) foliage. Cueball points out that they could've stayed home and used Photoshop to alter pictures they've already taken, saving themselves the trouble of going on the trip. Megan simply shushes him in the strip, but the title text is implied to be Megan's retort, saying that Cueball used to be a happier person.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball and Megan are standing on a cliff overlooking a forest of gorgeous orange foliage. She's holding up a camera, and he has the case.]

:Cueball: Instead of driving all this way, we could've just taken our summer pictures and messed with the "hue" slider in Photoshop.
:Megan: Hush.
:''click''

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Computers]]

648: Fall Foliage

2014-08-18T21:49:38Z

141.101.98.53:

Talk:648: Fall Foliage

2014-08-18T21:49:29Z

141.101.98.53:

It's not so clear to me that it's Megan that makes the title comment about "replacing you with older pictures". When I first read it, I thought it's more like something that Cueball would have said, since he's so eager to "mess with Photoshop"... [[Special:Contributions/77.254.185.80|77.254.185.80]] 13:28, 2 October 2013 (UTC)szeryf

:Megan is the one who seems happy here, so I think that the existing discussion text is correct on this point. I think this comic is also a more general comment on real vs simulated experiences. For example, do you think it is more fulfilling to have a girlfriend, or to photoshop a girlfriend into existing pictures of you? [[Special:Contributions/108.162.219.223|108.162.219.223]] 06:44, 24 December 2013 (UTC)

Added an explanation of fall. Autumn is only weirdly called that in the US, the rest of the world won't know that. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.53|141.101.98.53]] 18:20, 18 August 2014 (UTC)
:Uhh, ask a Chinese or a German like me, we are also part of the rest of the world outside the US. BTW: in German it's "Herbst", which is close to harvest. --[[User:Dgbrt|Dgbrt]] ([[User talk:Dgbrt|talk]]) 19:37, 18 August 2014 (UTC)
::Clearly I meant the English speaking world. It's only used that way in American. Don't be pedantic. At a guess, if it wasn't for the autmun foliage in the comic, a significant proportion of British people would not have made the association between fall and autumn. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.53|141.101.98.53]] 21:49, 18 August 2014 (UTC)

771: Period Speech

2014-08-18T21:46:26Z

141.101.98.53: Putting is grammatically incorrect here.

{{comic
| number = 771
| date = July 26, 2010
| title = Period Speech
| image = period_speech.png
| titletext = The same people who spend their weekends at the Blogger Reenactment Festivals will whine about the anachronisms in historical movies, but no one else will care.
}}

==Explanation==
The actors on this stage are using language and technology from wildly differing time periods. For example, "Forsooth" is from {{w|Elizabethan era|Elizabethan times}}; "{{w|Grok}}" is a word from the 1961 Robert Heinlein novel Stranger in a Strange Land; "Jive" is African American slang from the 1940s to the 70s; "Me Hearties" is popular 'pirate speak'; and "Ten-Four" was popular during the 1970s CB radio craze. Put together, the exchange roughly translates to "Do you truly understand the bullshit I'm saying, my friends?"/"Understood!".) The characters also combine archaic weapons like a spear and a sword with a presumably modern handgun and a laptop, adding to the growing heap of anachronisms.

[[Randall]]'s contention is that hundreds of years from now, people will make similar errors that we do today when depicting historical items and language. Modern movies, fiction and other forms of media that depict history often confuse terms, items and equipment that were in one place and time period and place them in another, but few people notice because to them, all of it fits under the very broad category of "old, historical things" - only those with an interest in history really notice or seem to care. Thus following this trend, in the future, things like laptop computers and "grok my jive" will seem just as historical and "old-timey" as a spear or the saying "Forsooth!", except to those who participate in such things like "Blogger Reenactment Faires", as mentioned in the title text.

For instance, take a suit of full plate armor. To most people, plate armor is a "Medieval thing". So thus, when depicting King Arthur, a figure from 500 to 800 AD (if he even existed at all), one would put him in a suit of full plate because he is "medieval" and that is the stereotypical equipment of a Medieval figure. In actual fact, plate armor only came about after 1350, quite literally centuries after any story about King Arthur is set, and it coexisted alongside firearms for a very long time. King Arthur would have worn chainmail, but all of this would be lost on an average person watching a movie about King Arthur, to whom chainmail and full plate are interchangeable under the label of "historical armor" in their minds. It is not much of a jump from a span of 500 to 800 years of equipment being considered interchangeable to 1500 years of equipment and language being interchangeable.

The title text likely refers to [[239: Blagofaire]], which features the said "Blogger Reenactment Festivals".

==Transcript==
:[A sword-wielding Cueball on a stage addresses three others; one has a spear, another a handgun and a knife, and the third a laptop.]
:Cueball: Forsooth, do you grok my jive, me hearties?
:Actors: Ten-four!
:A few centuries from now, all the English of the past 400 years will sound equally old-timey and interchangeable.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Language]]

648: Fall Foliage

2014-08-18T21:43:32Z

141.101.98.53: Undo revision 73897 by Dgbrt (talk) Nobody calls autumn fall in the UK, where fall has the usual meaning of losing the fight against gravity..... This is not just about the US, you know.

{{comic
| number =648
| date =October 12, 2009
| title =Fall Foliage
| image =fall_foliage.png
| titletext =And I could replace you with older pictures of you, from back when you looked happy.
}}

==Explanation==
Cueball and Megan have driven some distance from home, and Megan's enjoying the pastime of {{w|leaf peeping}}, happily taking photographs of the beautiful fall (the season called autumn in the many areas of the world) foliage. Cueball points out that they could've stayed home and used Photoshop to alter pictures they've already taken, saving themselves the trouble of going on the trip. Megan simply shushes him in the strip, but the title text is implied to be Megan's retort, saying that Cueball used to be a happier person.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball and Megan are standing on a cliff overlooking a forest of gorgeous orange foliage. She's holding up a camera, and he has the case.]

:Cueball: Instead of driving all this way, we could've just taken our summer pictures and messed with the "hue" slider in Photoshop.
:Megan: Hush.
:''click''

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Computers]]

967: Prairie

2014-08-18T21:40:12Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 967
| date = October 21, 2011
| title = Prairie
| image = prairie.png
| titletext = Colorado is working to develop coherent amber waves, which would allow them to finally destroy Kansas and Nebraska with a devastating but majestic grain laser.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic refers to the song ''{{w|America the Beautiful}}'', which contains the line "amber waves of grain," which refers to the plentiful wheat fields in the Midwestern US. The ''waves,'' in this context, are being likened to the waves in the ocean, as the wind can make the wheat move in such a way as to resemble those.

In {{w|quantum mechanics}} the wave-particle duality explains that particles can act like both particles and waves depending on the context. Using a comedic adaptation of quantum theory, [[Megan]] states that the waves of grain become particles of grain when observed, which, in a way, is true. It's not a perfect analogy, however, because each grain is a separate entity while an external force, the wind, is what produces the wave motion.

The title text describes the absurd notion that one could harness waves in grain fields for use in a Death Star-like laser, which would be used by one state to destroy two neighbors. There is a long running joke in the Rocky Mountain West of completely obliterating nearby states, and in particular Nebraska. The use of the word "majestic" to describe the laser is a reference to another line in "America the Beautiful" — "for purple mountain majesties" — which does in fact allude to the Rocky Mountains in Colorado.

==Transcript==
:[Megan and Cueball stand in a field of wheat. The figures are drawn in the typical black and white stick figure style, but the field is immensely detailed, with the grain coloured a rich amber and stroked such that individual stalks can be picked out, with a few dark bands providing contrast. In the distance a low mountain range is visible and in the sky a few scattered fluffy white clouds float low over the horizon.]
:Megan: Well, when we observe them, they become amber ''particles'' of grain.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Physics]]

945: I'm Sorry

2014-08-18T21:33:00Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 945
| date = August 31, 2011
| title = I'm Sorry
| image = im_sorry.png
| titletext = You know I've always hated her.
}}

==Explanation==
In many English speaking countries, as well as the US, when someone presents the other with bad news, they respond with (as the comic explains) a sympathetic "I'm sorry". That is different from the apologetic "I'm sorry" that a person would give for something that is their fault.

As it says below the comic, Cueball switches his sympathetic "I'm sorry" when Megan does not accept the "I'm sorry" because it was not his fault. Cueball says at the end "I know what I did..." and "You know I've always hated her" as a wild switch to an apologetic "I'm sorry".

==Transcript==
:[Two people are standing next to each other having a conversation.]
:Person 1: My Mom's house burned down.
:Person 2: Oh! I'm sorry!
:Person 1: Why? It's not ''your'' fault.
:Person 2: It's nice of you to say that, but I know what I did.

:It annoys me when people interpret an obviously sympathetic "I'm sorry" as an apology, so I've started responding by making it one.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]

938: T-Cells

2014-08-18T21:31:15Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 938
| date = August 15, 2011
| title = T-Cells
| image = t cells.png
| titletext = 'We're not sure how to wipe out the chimeral T-cells after they've destroyed the cancer. Though I do have this vial of smallpox ...'
}}

==Explanation==
This is a cancer and leukemia related comic. In this comic, two characters are having a discussion about a [http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232581.php new trial] in cancer treatment. A trial is done to test a proposed treatment on a select group of patience before approval for the wider patent group.

In this case, the two characters are talking about a trial in which immune cells are taken out of the patient's body and genetically modified . The modified cells are able to both attack the cancer cells and to replicate very quickly. However, to make these genetic changes inside the cells, they used the {{w|HIV}} virus as the vehicle to introduce these new genes as it is specialized in invading and modifying immune cells.

Basically, this treatment, to the uninformed, it seems to replace one terrible disease with another terrible disease. However, the modified HIV viruses will not actually cause AIDS.

==Transcript==
:[Two people are standing facing each other, having a conversation. One is holding a laptop.]
:Cueball (with laptop): What's the deal with this leukemia trial? <nowiki>{{Citation: Nejm, Aug 10, 2011}}</nowiki>
:Friend: Gotta wait and see.
:Friend: Helping the immune system attack tumors has been a longtime research target.
:Friend: Lots of promising leads. Often they don't pan out.

:Cueball: What'd these guys do?
:Friend: They took some of the patient's T-cells and patched their genes so they'd attack the cancer. That hasn't been enough in the past but their patch also added code to get the T-cells to replicate wildly and persist in the body.

:Cueball: Which worked, but created its own set of problems?
:Friend: How'd you guess? But I think the craziest part is the way they insert the patched genes.
:Cueball: How?
:Friend: Well, think - What specializes in invading and modifying T-cells?
:Cueball: Seriously?
:Friend: Yup. Must've been a fun conversation.

:[The last panel is set in a doctors office. A patient is sitting on the observation bed talking to their doctor.]
:Patient: Ok, so I have blood cells growing out of control, so you're going to give me different blood cells that ''also'' grow out of control?
:Doctor: Yes, but it's ok, because we've treated ''this'' blood with HIV!
:Patient: Are you sure you're a doctor?
:Doctor: Almost definitely.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Cancer]]
[[Category:Biology]]

927: Standards

2014-08-18T21:24:23Z

141.101.98.53: Subatomic USB? Really?

{{comic
| number = 927
| date = July 20, 2011
| title = Standards
| image = standards.png
| titletext = Fortunately, the charging one has been solved now that we've all standardized on mini-USB. Or is it micro-USB? Shit.
}}

==Explanation==
In the world, there are a ridiculous number of different charging ports and other types of connectors, all competing to be the universal standard for all devices. For example, USB, mini-USB, micro-USB, the now-defunct Apple charger, and a few dozen more. This results in people having way too many cords for all their different devices, instead of just a few universal cords, and also makes producing improved cords extremely difficult.
[[Cueball]] and [[Ponytail]] recognize the problem, and decide to design a new, standard cord to attempt to unify the world of chargers; however, because the competitors are, of course, competitive and will naturally resist suddenly submitting to the new standard, their attempted standard simply becomes another competing device for the universal standard, thus increasing the problem. This sort of situation occurs often in the development of standards in technology.

A few years ago, it looked like everyone was going to standardize on {{w|mini-USB}}, but then smartphones decided on {{w|micro-USB}} and now it seems that most devices are using micro-USB.

==Transcript==
:How Standards Proliferate
:(See: A/C chargers, character encodings, instant messaging, etc.)

:Situation:
:There are 14 competing standards.

:Cueball: 14?! Ridiculous! We need to develop one universal standard that covers everyone's use cases.
:Ponytail: Yeah!

:Soon:
:Situation: There are 15 competing standards.
{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]

911: Magic School Bus

2014-08-18T21:17:15Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 911
| date = June 13, 2011
| title = Magic School Bus
| image = magic school bus.png
| titletext = At my OLD school, we used Microsoft Encarta 2005.
}}

==Explanation==
"{{w|The Magic School Bus}}" is a series of educational children's books in the US that was adapted in the mid-nineties into an animated television show. The series centers on a class of children whose teacher {{w|Ms. Frizzle}} makes use of the titular magic school bus to take her students on a variety of magical field trips that allow them to experience various scientific topics first hand, such as the inner anatomy of the human body, the effects of friction, what goes on inside a beehive, and many others.

In this comic, however, Ms. Frizzle initially takes the students onto the bus apparently for one of these field trips to explore the way batteries work, but then for whatever reason, she has the students get off the bus again and simply resorts to looking up the {{w|Wikipedia}} article about {{w|Battery (electricity)|batteries}}. The implied joke is that, with the advent on resources like Wikipedia, it's no longer necessary for Ms. Frizzle to take the students on half-hour long trips in the bus to experience whatever phenomenon they are studying that day (which is what the third panel symbolizes) - Wikipedia effectively answers the question quickly and easily. An alternative answer is that Ms. Frizzle has just gotten lazy, and has resorted to looking up the answers to the students questions on Wikipedia instead of taking them on field trips. The alternative seems more likely, since the third panel shows them still going on an adventure.

The child who is asking the question looks similar to Wanda, one of the regular students in the class who often asked the questions that set the field trips in motion. Ralphie, the student in the second panel with the backward hat, was another student who often asked these questions. The students in the class were shown to be from many backgrounds (i.e. one of the students was black, another was Asian, etc.), something Randall appears not to have added into this comic, despite it being in color.

The title text is a reference to Phoebe, one of the students in Ms. Frizzle's class, who would regularly make a remark beginning with "at my old school..." (Phoebe used to go to a different school, unlike many of the other students in the class) to express wonder at how unusual were the events of Ms. Frizzle's field trips (e.g. "At my old school, we never rode on bees!").

{{w|Encarta|Microsoft Encarta 2005}} was a digital encyclopedia that was often used in school settings for learning with the aid of computers. Arguably, with the advent of Wikipedia, programs like Encarta have become relatively less widely used, which is part of the joke in the title text.

==Transcript==
:[A girl sits at a desk in a classroom, and the teacher stands before her. The teacher has a blue dress and blonde hair piled on her head in a bun. The girl raises her hand, the teacher raises both arms above her head, a pointer in one hand.]
:Girl: Ms. Frizzle, how do batteries work?
:Ms. Frizzle: To the bus!

:[Ms. Frizzle and the children are shown getting onto the bus.]

:[The bus, with Ms. Frizzle at the helm and a child's face in every window, soars through a rainbow void filled with a giant amoeba, a rocket, a big gear, a planet with rings, and a Feynman diagram.]

:[The bus is parked, and the occupants have gotten out. The children stand around Ms. Frizzle, and she stands at a desk with a computer on it, typing.]
Computer: WIKIPEDIA - BATTERIES

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Wikipedia]]

882: Significant

2014-08-18T20:23:53Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 882
| date = April 6, 2011
| title = Significant
| image = significant.png
| titletext = So, uh, we did the green study again and got no link. It was probably a-- "RESEARCH CONFLICTED ON GREEN JELLY BEAN/ACNE LINK; MORE STUDY RECOMMENDED!"
}}

==Explanation==
This comic is about the misrepresentation of science and statistics in the media. [[Megan]] and [[Cueball]] commission some research on the link between jelly beans and acne. At first the scientists do not want to stop playing the addictive game {{w|Minecraft}} (which has been referenced in a [[861|previous xkcd]]), but they do eventually start.

First some basic statistical theory. Let's imagine you are trying to find out if jelly beans cause acne. To do this you could find a group of people and randomly split them into two groups - one group who you get to eat lots of jelly beans and a second group who are banned from eating jelly beans. After some time you compare whether the group that eat jelly beans have more acne than those who do not. If more people in the group that eat jelly beans have acne then you might think that jelly beans cause acne. However, there is a problem.

Some people will suffer from acne whether they eat jelly beans or not and some will never have acne even if they do eat jelly beans. There is an element of chance in how many people prone to acne are in each group. What if, purely by chance, all the group we selected to eat jelly beans would have had acne anyway while those who didn't eat jelly beans were the lucky sort of people who never get spots? Then, even if jelly beans did not cause acne, we would conclude that jelly beans did cause acne. Of course it is very unlikely that all the acne prone people end up in one group by chance, especially if we have enough people in each group. However, to give more confidence in the result of this type of experiment, scientists use statistics to see how likely it is that the result they find is purely by chance. This is known as {{w|statistical hypothesis testing}}. Before we start the experiment, we choose a threshold known as the significance level. In the comic the scientists choose a threshold of 5%. If they find that more of the people who ate jelly beans had acne and the chance it was a purely random result is less than 1 in 20, they will say that jelly beans do cause acne. If however, the chance that their result was purely by random chance is greater than 5% they will say they have found no evidence of a link. The important point is this - '''there could still be a 1 in 20 chance that this result was purely a statistical fluke'''.

The scientists find no link between jelly beans and acne (the probability that the result is by chance is more than 5% i.e. p > 0.05) but then Megan and Cueball ask them to see if only one colour of jelly beans is responsible. They test 20 different colors each at a significance level of 5%. If the probability that each trial gives a false positive result is 1 in 20, then by testing 20 different colors it is now highly likely that at least one jelly bean test will give a false positive. To be precise, the probability of having ''no'' false positive in 20 tests is (0.95)^20 = 35.85%. Probability of having ''no'' false positive in 21 tests (counting the test without color discrimination) is (0.95)^21 = 34.06%. In this case they find that green jelly beans do cause acne.

This leads to a big newspaper headline saying '''GREEN JELLY BEANS CAUSE ACNE''' but when the scientists {{w|Reproducibility|repeat the experiment}} (another key part of the scientific method) they find no evidence for a link. They try to tell the reporter that it was probably a coincidence but that is not news. Instead it leads to another major headline saying '''RESEARCH CONFLICTED'''.

This can be an issue with more serious matters than jelly beans and acne - at any one time there are many studies about possible links between substances (e.g. red wine) and illness (e.g. cancer). Because only the positive results get reported, this limits the value any single study has - especially if the mechanism linking the two things is not known.

==Transcript==
:[Ponytail runs up to another person, who subsequently points off-panel where there are presumably scientists.]
:Ponytail: Jelly beans cause acne!
:Another: Scientists! Investigate!
:Scientists: But we're playing Minecraft! ...Fine.

:[Two scientists. Cueball has safety goggles, Megan has a sheet of notes.]
:Cueball: We found no link between jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:[Back to the original two.]
:Another: That settles that.
:Ponytail: I hear it's only a certain color that causes it.
:Another: Scientists!
:Scientists: But Miiiinecraft!

:[20 near identical small panels follow, 4 rows 5 columns.]
:Cueball: We found no link between purple jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between brown jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between pink jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between blue jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between teal jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between salmon jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between red jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between turquoise jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between magenta jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between yellow jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between grey jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between tan jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between cyan jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found a link between green jelly beans and acne (p < 0.05).
:Off-panel: ''WHOA!''

:Cueball: We found no link between yellow jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between beige jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between lilac jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between black jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between peach jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:Cueball: We found no link between orange jelly beans and acne (p > 0.05).

:[Newspaper front page.]
:NEWS Green Jelly Beans Linked To Acne! 95% Confidence
:[There is a picture of 3 green jelly beans.]
:Only 5% chance of coincidence!
:Scientists...

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics with color‏‎]]
[[Category:Statistics]]
[[Category:Video games]]

880: Headache

2014-08-18T20:22:46Z

141.101.98.53: Cycle helmets are false security only worn by people that can't ride bikes properly. The statement has no reason to be in the article in the first place, regardless.

{{comic
| number = 880
| date = April 1, 2011
| title = Headache
| image = headache.png
| titletext = I'm only willing to visit placid lakes, salt flats, and painting exhibits until the world's 3D technology improves.
}}

==Explanation==
Some people suffer from headaches, eyestrain, motion sickness and other problems when watching {{w|3D film|3D movies}}, playing 3D games, watching {{w|3D television}}, playing hand-held {{w|Nintendo 3DS}}, etc.

In this comic, Cueball is using the excuse that 3D gives him a headache to get out of going outside into the real world, where ''everything'' is in {{w|Three-dimensional space|3D}}. Instead he stays inside and looks at his 2D computer monitor. In the title text, he says he will only go to flat places (i.e. places where everything he could see would be 2D-like).

This comic was released on {{w|April Fools' Day}}. The April fools joke for 2011 made every comic on the site 3D, thus forcing people like Cueball to endure 3D even at their computer screens. The 3D view is still available at [http://xk3d.xkcd.com/ xk3d.xkcd.com].

==Transcript==
:[Megan has a bike, and is wearing a helmet. Cueball is at a computer.]
:Megan: Wanna go for a bike ride?
:Cueball: Nah, I hate 3D stuff. It gives me a headache.
:When you think about it, this excuse can get you out of almost anything.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Interactive comics]]
[[Category:April fool's comics]]

876: Trapped

2014-08-18T20:19:42Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 876
| date = March 23, 2011
| title = Trapped
| image = trapped.png
| titletext = Socrates could've saved himself a lot of trouble if he'd just brought a flashlight, tranquilizer gun, and a bunch of rescue harnesses.
}}

==Explanation==

The 911 operator references {{w|Allegory of the Cave|Plato's cave}}. This is a reference to an allegory by {{w|Plato}} in which he creates a world in which prisoners are chained against a wall and know only the shadows that cross the wall and how they create their own reality from those shadows. They would create words for the things they were seeing, but that would only correspond to the shadows and not the physical things themselves.

Clueball's brain seems to be unaware it is in his body, and is freaked out by the fact that all the information it receives is through Clueball's sensory organs. The brain has no means of verifying that the information received from the senses indeed corresponds to the actual outside world, and is thus in Plato's cave.

The title text continues with the Plato's cave as [[Randall]] is saying that Socrates (Plato's teacher) should have just gone into the cave and brought the prisoners out instead of dealing with the extended allegory. The tranq gun is for the prisoners, so they don't completely freak out while being taken out of the cave.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball is on the phone.]
:Cueball: Hello? 911? I'm trapped!
:Cueball: It's dark and I can't see anything except these two distorted splotches of light!
:Cueball: Help!

:[The 911 operator is in an office, wearing a headset.]
:Ponytail: Splotches of light? Your... eyeballs?
:Cueball (over phone): I think that's what they are! There's meat everywhere!

:Ponytail: ...so you're a brain.
:Cueball (over phone): Yes!
:Ponytail: Yeah, we all are. You're not trapped. Use your body to walk around and experience reality.

:Cueball: But everything's just signals in my sensory cortices! How can I be sure they correspond to an external world?!
:Ponytail (over phone): I'm sorry, but we can't send a search-and-rescue team into Plato's cave.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]

782: Desecration

2014-08-18T19:52:47Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 782
| date = August 20, 2010
| title = Desecration
| image = desecration.png
| titletext = It gets worse! You know that wizened old monk with the gypsy wife whose voodoo shop we smash up every day after school?
}}

==Explanation==
[[Megan]] and [[Rob]] are horrified to discover that the bones they had dug up and turned into puppets were actually from an ancient Indian (presumably meaning Native American) burial ground. The joke is that they already seem to know that they were Indian bones, so their origins really shouldn't come as a surprise. They actually already know that they are {{w|Desecration|desecrating}} something holy - hence the title.

A common {{w|TV Tropes|trope}} in horror fiction is that anyone defiling an ancient Indian burial ground will have a horrible curse cast upon them. Another common trope is having a curse cast upon oneself by a gypsy or voodoo woman, or a wizened wizard or monk as mentioned in the title text.

Megan and Rob seem to be unknowingly, and stupidly, angering every supernatural being and force in their entire town, thus setting themselves up for at least a dozen potential horror plots at the same time.

A common complaint about many horror stories is that the protagonists are flat out stupid in order to make the plot and horror work. This comic deliberately targets and makes fun of this, mocking the obliviousness that many stock horror characters show as to getting themselves into trouble with supernatural forces.

==Transcript==
:[Megan running towards Rob.]
:Megan: ROB! ROB!
:Rob: You look terrified! What's wrong?
:Megan: We've made a huge mistake!

:[Both standing in place, Megan has hands up in an explaining gesture.]
:Megan: Remember last week when we dug up all those Indian bones and made puppets out of them?
:Rob: Sure...

:[Megan is throwing her arms out.]
:Megan: It turns out they were buried over an ''ancient Indian burial ground!''
:Rob: Oh my God!

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Rob]]

779: Anxiety

2014-08-18T19:51:27Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 779
| date = August 13, 2010
| title = Anxiety
| image = anxiety.png
| titletext = Don't need any, thanks. I have a backscattering fetish.
}}

==Explanation==
Some people are upset about airport security policies that mandate the use of {{w|backscatter X-ray}} machines, since the machines can create an image of the subject naked. [[Black Hat]] is selling {{w|Sildenafil|Viagra}} for men a means to thumb their noses (so to speak) at the system by forcing the security guard to see them with erections. The problem with this approach is that the time spent in a line of this length will be far to short for the Viagra to have any effect whatsoever. However, judging by the security guard's thought bubble, he indeed is not looking forward to the images.

At the title text, Black Hat or possibly one of the people in the line explains he has a fetish with getting X-ray scanned, and so thus doesn't need Viagra to achieve the above effect.

==Transcript==
:[There is an airport security checkpoint where a queue of ten passengers is waiting to go through a backscatter x-ray scanner. Near the back of the line, Black Hat is standing next to a stand which says "Viagra $20". One passenger next to him is drinking a glass of water, probably after having taken pills; another is contemplating the sign.]
:Security Guard (thinking): Oh god.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Physics]]
[[Category:Sex]]

771: Period Speech

2014-08-18T19:48:38Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 771
| date = July 26, 2010
| title = Period Speech
| image = period_speech.png
| titletext = The same people who spend their weekends at the Blogger Reenactment Festivals will whine about the anachronisms in historical movies, but no one else will care.
}}

==Explanation==
The actors on this stage are using language and technology from wildly differing time periods. For example, "Forsooth" is from Elizabethan times; "Grok" is a word from the 1961 Robert Heinlein novel Stranger in a Strange Land; "Jive" is African American slang from the 1940s to the 70s; "Me Hearties" is popular 'pirate speak'; and "Ten-Four" was popular during the 1970s CB radio craze. (Put together, the exchange roughly translates to "Do you truly understand the bullshit I'm saying, my friends?"/"Understood!".) The characters also combine archaic weapons like a spear and a sword with a presumably modern handgun and a laptop, adding to the growing heap of anachronisms.

Randall's contention is that hundreds of years from now, people will make similar errors that we do today when depicting historical items and language. Modern movies, fiction and other forms of media that depict history often confuse terms, items and equipment that were in one place and time period and place them in another, but few people notice because to them, all of it fits under the very broad category of "old, historical things" - only those with an interest in history really notice or seem to care. Thus following this trend, in the future, things like laptop computers and "grok my jive" will seem just as historical and "old-timey" as a spear or the saying "Forsooth!", except to those who participate in such things like "Blogger Reenactment Faires", as mentioned in the title text.

For instance, take a suit of full plate armor. To most people, plate armor is a "Medieval thing". So thus, when depicting King Arthur, a figure from 500 to 800 AD (if he even existed at all), one would put him in a suit of full plate because he is "medieval" and that is the stereotypical equipment of a Medieval figure. In actual fact, plate armor only came about after 1350, quite literally centuries after any story about King Arthur is set, and it coexisted alongside firearms for a very long time. King Arthur would have worn chainmail, but all of this would be lost on an average person watching a movie about King Arthur, to whom chainmail and full plate are interchangeable under the label of "historical armor" in their minds. It is not much of a jump from a span of 500 to 800 years of equipment being considered interchangeable to 1500 years of equipment and language being interchangeable.

The title text likely refers to [[239: Blagofaire]], which features the said "Blogger Reenactment Festivals".

==Transcript==
:[A sword-wielding Cueball on a stage addresses three others; one has a spear, another a handgun and a knife, and the third a laptop.]
:Cueball: Forsooth, do you grok my jive, me hearties?
:Actors: Ten-four!
:A few centuries from now, all the English of the past 400 years will sound equally old-timey and interchangeable.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Language]]

765: Dilution

2014-08-18T19:44:44Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number = 765
| date = July 12, 2010
| title = Dilution
| image = dilution.png
| titletext = Dear editors of Homeopathy Monthly: I have two small corrections for your July issue. One, it's spelled "echinacea", and two, homeopathic medicines are no better than placebos and your entire magazine is a sham.
}}

==Explanation==
{{w|Homeopathy}} is the belief that poisons, bacteria, and other harmful substances can actually cure the diseases they normally cause, if they are administered in sufficiently dilute form. The normal procedure is to prepare a solution, then successively dilute it with water or alcohol by multiple factors of 10. (There's also a "succussion" step between rounds, which basically consists of shaking or striking the mixture, but no serious mechanism for how this would affect anything has been provided.) In the medical world, it's widely believed to be total bunk, with countless scientific studies repeatedly showing it to have no more effectiveness than a {{w|placebo}}.

Here we find [[Cueball]], a firm believer in homeopathy, applying the idea to fertility by diluting his semen. 30X means that the semen has been diluted with water at a 1:10 ratio 30 times, so the solution contains 1 part semen to one-novillion parts water. Since the average ejaculation contains 200 to 500 million sperm cells, this means the solution Cueball is holding has a 3.5x10<sup>-20</sup>% chance of containing even a single sperm cell. Clearly, [[Megan]] will not be getting pregnant from this, so she and Cueball will not be passing on their genes, which is why the comic states that the belief in homeopathy is not selected for.

{{w|Echinacea}} is a genus of flowers commonly used in herbal remedies to stimulate the immune system. Scientific studies have not shown that such an effect exists. The title text is intended to represent a letter to the editors of fictitious journal 'Homeopathy Monthly', starting with a minor complaint that they seem unable to perform the basic proof-reading and fact-checking necessary to correctly spell one of the most well-known herbal remedies. This is followed up by a complete dismissal of homeopathy as a whole and the magazine in particular.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball stands at a desk with a beaker in one hand and a turkey baster in the other. Megan lies in a bed in the same room.]

:Cueball: Okay, this time I've diluted the semen 30x.
:Megan: We'll be ''sure'' to get pregnant now!

:Belief in homeopathy is not, evolutionarily, selected for.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Sex]]

707: Joshing

2014-08-18T18:44:24Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number =707
| date =February 26, 2010
| title =Joshing
| image =joshing.png
| titletext =You'd be moved up from 49 of ~7 billion to 31 of ~7 billion.
}}

==Explanation==
"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" is a flippant response to a question that's been around at least since the movie ''{{w|Top Gun}},'' and has entered regular use in the English speaking world, even among people who don't know its origin.

The Second Man uses the line here, but the joke is that he actually ''is'' planning to kill the First Man, and if he answered the question he'd have to kill him even sooner. In this case, according to the title text, he'd go from #49 on his hit list (which apparently includes the entire world population) to #31.

The title 'Joshing' refers to the colloquial American verb 'to josh', meaning to joke with.
==Transcript==
:Cueball: So, is the new project going forward?
:Friend: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!

:[The men laugh cautiously.]

:[The men resume conversation.]
:Friend: I mean, kill you even sooner.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]

707: Joshing

2014-08-18T18:43:07Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number =707
| date =February 26, 2010
| title =Joshing
| image =joshing.png
| titletext =You'd be moved up from 49 of ~7 billion to 31 of ~7 billion.
}}

==Explanation==
"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" is a flippant response to a question that's been around at least since the movie ''{{w|Top Gun}},'' and has entered regular use in the English speaking world, even among people who don't know its origin.

The Second Man uses the line here, but the joke is that he actually ''is'' planning to kill the First Man, and if he answered the question he'd have to kill him even sooner. In this case, according to the title text, he'd go from #49 on his hit list (which apparently includes the entire world population) to #31.

==Transcript==
:Cueball: So, is the new project going forward?
:Friend: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!

:[The men laugh cautiously.]

:[The men resume conversation.]
:Friend: I mean, kill you even sooner.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]

699: Trimester

2014-08-18T18:41:03Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number =699
| date =February 8, 2010
| title =Trimester
| image =trimester.png
| titletext =Also, it's not like anyone actually calls up the Nobel committee to double-check things.
}}

==Explanation==
Some pregnancies are different than others, but a universal truth (except in cases of Cesarean section) is that a baby will always exit a woman's body through the vagina. Cueball is wearing a white lab coat and holding a clipboard, looking like a doctor, telling Megan that until the second trimester, the baby may decide instead to exit through the anus or mouth. The caption reveals the truth, that Cueball simply bought the lab coat, is not a doctor, and is pranking Megan.

The title text implies also that in addition to faking being a doctor, he has also faked being a Nobel laureate, on the logic that people will not choose to verify this claim.

Although the comic describes the coat Clueball wears as a lab coat, this can not be the case, as these are always long-sleeved. Also, it ignores the fact that in many places, such as the UK, white coats are no longer worn by medical doctors.

==Transcript==
:Cueball: Well, until the second trimester, the baby hasn't decided which opening it will exit through.
:Megan: ''What?''
:Cueball: We'll hope for one of the lower ones, so it won't be fighting gravity.

:Did you know you can just ''BUY'' lab coats?

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]

Talk:648: Fall Foliage

2014-08-18T18:20:36Z

141.101.98.53:

648: Fall Foliage

2014-08-18T18:19:29Z

141.101.98.53:

{{comic
| number =648
| date =October 12, 2009
| title =Fall Foliage
| image =fall_foliage.png
| titletext =And I could replace you with older pictures of you, from back when you looked happy.
}}

==Explanation==
Cueball and Megan have driven some distance from home, and Megan's enjoying the pastime of {{w|leaf peeping}}, happily taking photographs of the beautiful fall (the season called autumn in the rest of the world) foliage. Cueball points out that they could've stayed home and used Photoshop to alter pictures they've already taken, saving themselves the trouble of going on the trip. Megan simply shushes him in the strip, but the title text is implied to be Megan's retort, saying that Cueball used to be a happier person.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball and Megan are standing on a cliff overlooking a forest of gorgeous orange foliage. She's holding up a camera, and he has the case.]

:Cueball: Instead of driving all this way, we could've just taken our summer pictures and messed with the "hue" slider in Photoshop.
:Megan: Hush.
:''click''

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Computers]]