explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

2796: Real Estate Analysis

2024-12-13T16:52:38Z

141.101.98.75: /* Explanation */ Added the 'mitigation' of time off from its primary(only!) mission. Rearranged for better narrative.

{{comic
| number = 2796
| date = June 30, 2023
| title = Real Estate Analysis
| image = real_estate_analysis_2x.png
| imagesize = 474x458px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Mars does get a good score on 'noise levels' and 'scenic views,' but the school district ranking isn't great; the only teacher--the Perseverance rover--is too busy with rock samples to teach more than the occasional weekend class.
}}

==Explanation==

This comic shows a chart ranking locations in our solar system (the eight currently recognised planets and Earth's own moon) along two scales: their walkability and their proximity to shops and restaurants. As this is a "real estate analysis", this comic mocks real life "real estate analyses" for people who are looking for a new home. Walkability measures the ease of walking as a form of transportation in an area (often related to how urban that area is), and is measured by metrics like the 100-point walk score, with higher numbers representing easier and safer walking. Proximity to commercial shops and eating establishments can likewise be a factor for potential residents looking for a convenient living environment. While no units are provided, proximity can be defined as a number that increases with decreasing distance.

Earth is rated as highly walkable, probably because humans can walk on much of its surface without immediate & continuous existential need for environmental survival gear (so far), and due to the gravity on its surface. Earth also rates high on the "proximity to shops and restaurants" scale because its surface hosts all commercial establishments known to humans; most businesses are within a few building stories of the surface, though some "shops" on airplanes are up to several kilometers above it.

All other locations are rated as completely unwalkable, and remote from any shops or restaurants. The next closest body, the Moon, typically around 384,400 km away from Earth, is about five orders of magnitude further from shops and restaurants than anywhere on Earth. (A dozen people have actually walked ''on'' the Moon, [https://sei-engagement.pubpub.org/pub/nmjeoom7/release/8 more or less], but none have actually walked ''to'' the Moon, or to wherever else they may want to go from there.) Venus is 108 million km away while Uranus is 2.9 billion, so all these bodies' clustering near the origin on the proximity scale masks a large difference in accessibility. The gas giants Jupiter and Saturn are assessed marginally higher walkability scores than the solid Mercury (where temperatures are extreme, but do briefly pass through the range survivable for humans as the planet rotates); maybe their less-hostile (and, in the case of Ganymede and Titan, physically larger) moons are taken into account here.

Based on Earth's high score on both metrics, Randall makes the claim "I get why this place is so popular". Most humans would agree with Earth being preferable (no human is known to have permanently inhabited any celestial body besides Earth[https://www.planetary.org/worlds/pale-blue-dot]), but would be more concerned with local differences in livability.

Additionally, the chart also displays the importance of choosing the right scales and data for data representation, because not only does the chart provide no information at all, as the vast surface of earth is marked at the same point; but it also does not provide sensical data, which can be seen by the chart seeming to show a slightly larger proximity to shops for Mercury and Venus than the Moon, which is just plain absurd.

Walkability scores on websites such as https://www.walkscore.com consider proximity to restaurants, groceries, and shopping (among other factors, such as proximity to parks, schools, and culture and entertainment venues), so it would be fairly unusual for a location to score high on walkability but low on proximity to shops and restaurants, or vice versa.

The title text comments that Mars did score high on the 'noise levels' and 'scenic views' scores. Generally, lower noise levels help maintain a calm and relaxed lifestyle, and are therefore a desirable quality for real estate. Due to it having a thinner atmosphere and (almost) zero sources of manmade noise, Mars is incredibly quiet (though [https://www.nasa.gov/feature/goddard/the-fact-and-fiction-of-martian-dust-storms not entirely silent]). However, this extreme lack of noise may turn out to be detrimental to human wellbeing. Access to scenic areas is also generally seen as a positive when assessing property, and the large, barren scenery of Mars has been abundantly documented by the several rovers sent to its surface, resulting in widespread fascination with its serene landscapes (though the ever-present dust, and the need to deal with it, mars the serenity somewhat). Again, though, the sheer emptiness of the landscape might turn out to be a negative rather than a positive.

It then states the 'school district' ranking (proximity to a good schooling system, which is also desirable, especially to families) is rather poor on account of there being only one available teacher, which turns out to be the {{w|Perseverance (rover)|Perseverance rover}}. ''Perseverance'' is (at the time of this comic's publication) a still-active Mars rover whose main purpose is to examine minerals from Mars' surface and scan them for signs compatible with ancient life: while it could hypothetically serve as a teacher (using its memory banks as teaching material, for instance), doing so would greatly interfere with its main mission if done regularly. This problem is recognised, in that it is ''mostly' being too busy with its rock samples, yet it ''can'' apparently spare the occasional weekend tuition slot.

==Transcript==
:[A graph is shown. Both axes have a label with an arrow and 10 visible ticks.]
:Y-axis: Walkability score
:X-axis: Proximity to shops and restaurants
:[Labels of multiple dots at around (0, 0), clockwise:]
:Mars, The Moon, Mercury, Venus, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter
:[Label of a dot at roughly (9.5, 9.5):]
:Earth

:[Caption below the panel:]
:After doing a real estate analysis, I get why this place is so popular.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Astronomy]]
[[Category:Mars rovers]]

208: Regular Expressions

2016-10-24T10:48:54Z

141.101.98.75: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 208
| date = January 10, 2007
| title = Regular Expressions
| image = regular_expressions.png
| titletext = Wait, forgot to escape a space. Wheeeeee[taptaptap]eeeeee.
}}

==Explanation==
In computing, {{w|regular expression}}s ("regexes") provide a concise and flexible{{Citation needed}} means to "match" (specify and recognize) strings of text, such as particular characters, words, or patterns of characters.

Manually trying to look for a specific pattern through 200MB of text is equivalent to looking for a needle in a haystack. But this task can be made easy by using regexes, since a script can read through text and match specific string patterns much faster than humans can achieve.

{{w|Perl}} is a popular scripting language that has [http://www.google.com/cse?cx=012652707207066138651%3Azudjtuwe28q&ie=UTF-8&q=perrl&siteurl=xkcd.com%2F&ref=&ss=1112j354976j5&oq=perrl&gs_l=partner.3...4805.5949.0.6245.5.5.0.0.0.0.316.1024.0j2j2j1.5.0.gsnos%2Cn%3D13...0.1112j354976j5..1ac.1.25.partner..3.2.276.Ewyu_zKGkDo#gsc.tab=0&gsc.q=perl often been referenced] favorably in the comic. Perl is also the most acknowledged language when it comes to the performance while evaluating regular expressions.

The "PERL!" in the fifth panel is reminiscent of old superhero serials, particularly {{w|Batman (TV series)}}, in which sound effects such as "BAM!" "POW!" "ZAP!" would be displayed on screen in similar spiky bubbles. This fits with the theme of the comic, with Cueball being a "superhero" who fights crime using computer skills.

The title text refers to how sensitive regexes can be to small missing characters. In [[1168: tar]] another potential hero fails because some programming languages are just too difficult to remember by heart.

==Transcript==
:Whenever I learn a new skill I concoct elaborate fantasy scenarios where it lets me save the day.

:Megan: Oh no! The killer must have followed her on vacation!
:[Megan points to computer.]
:Megan: But to find them we'd have to search through 200MB of emails looking for something formatted like an address!
:Cueball: It's hopeless!

:Off-panel voice: Everybody stand back.

:Off-panel voice: I know regular expressions.

:[A man swings in on a rope, toward the computer.]

:''tap tap''
:''PERL!''

:[The man swings away, and the other characters cheer.]

==Trivia==
*This comic is featured on one of the [http://shop.xkcd.com/products/i-know-regular-expressions T-shirts] sold at the xkcd store.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Regex]]

1729: Migrating Geese

2016-09-08T18:21:59Z

141.101.98.75: /* Table of labels */

{{comic
| number = 1729
| date = September 5, 2016
| title = Migrating Geese
| image = migrating_geese.png
| titletext = "Hey guys! I have a great idea for a migration!" "Dammit, Kevin."
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Is there not some kind of slang on "Head Goose" that could relate to the fourth in line to the GB throne? More on the title text: "An idea for A migration?".}}
{{w|Bird migration|Migrating}} refers to the changing of a habitat, which happens every year with birds like {{w|geese}} that travel long distances to avoid cold seasons and get back to the food in the summer time. When geese fly to their new habitat, they tend to fly in a very clear {{w|V formation}}. The V formation improves the efficiency of flying birds, particularly over long migratory routes. All the birds except the first fly in the upwash from one of the wingtip vortices of the bird ahead. The upwash assists each bird except for the "leading" one in supporting its own weight in flight, saving them up to 20% of the energy needed.

It should be noted that geese do have family structures with adult geese in "alpha" positions, but not a strict ranking order. An individual's position in formation flights is coincidental and constantly changing, so that the goose at the point of the formation can pull back and rest in the V wings while others "lead" the swarm. Popular earlier beliefs about an "alpha goose" heading a formation for the entire flight is a myth, easily disproven by watching geese formations in flight.

This comic shows such a formation with 20 geese, with several geese and areas in the V formation labeled, giving different roles to the geese and assigning these areas a new meaning. See the [[#Table of labels|table below]].

Apart from a "twin engine" goose in the bottom right arm of the V the only part of the formation that would not normally be seen is Kevin, who flies off at a 45-degree angle. In that direction there is no aerodynamic help from the other birds, and in the title text the rest of the geese also exclaim, "Dammit, Kevin" when he (again?) tells them that he has a great new idea for a migration (maybe referring to the new direction).

===Table of labels===
{| class="wikitable"
!Name
!Explanation
|-
|Head Goose
(4th in line to the British throne)
|This goose is in line to become the newest monarch of the United Kingdom after the deaths of the three (humans) who are ahead it (Charles, Prince of Wales; Prince William, Duke of Cambridge; Prince George of Cambridge[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succession_to_the_British_throne]). The current fourth in line to the British throne is {{w|HRH}} {{w|Princess Charlotte of Cambridge}}. In North America, the best-known goose migration is that of {{w|Canada goose|Canada geese}} to the US east coast. Canada used to be part of the {{w|British Empire}} and remains a member of the {{w|Commonwealth of Nations}}, so a "Canadian" goose would be well situated to stand within the succession.
|-
|Quarterback
|A {{w|quarterback}} is a position in {{w|American football}}, usually placed in the second row of an American football formation, just like the associated goose. On nearly every non-kicking play, the quarterback is the player who stands behind the center and receives the ball to start the play. In modern American football, the quarterback is usually considered the leader of the team, and is often responsible for calling the play.
|-
|Comptroller
|A {{w|comptroller}} is a position in a company. A comptroller oversees and manages all financial operations.
|-
|Migration abort goose
|This might be a reference to launch abort capsules used in rockets to safely land astronauts in the case of a critical stage failure. Or it could be operated like an abort button aborting the entire migration for all geese.
|-
|Twin-Engine Model
|This goose has two tails offset on each side of the center of the goose, instead of one tail in the middle like the rest. The "tails" also extend beyond the wings, which makes it look like a Twin-Engine aircraft, which has two motors: one on each wing instead of one in the nose.
|-
|CIA Informant
|A person, usually a criminal, that surreptitiously provides information to the {{w|Central Intelligence Agency}} (CIA). If these geese are from Canada, the CIA might have inserted an informant to be kept up to date on their activities.
|-
|Backups
|These are geese that are not used in the formation so they can replace other geese in their positions in case they have problems performing their task. This may also be a pun/joke about technology/data "migrations" where backups should be taken liberally due to risk of data loss.
|-
|Shock Front
| A shock front is the front boundary of a {{w|shock wave}} created by either a {{w|sonic boom}} or another explosion in a fluid/gas. It can also refer to the shock wave itself. A V-shaped shockwave called a '{{w|Bow shock (aerodynamics)|bow shock}}', similar in appearance to the V-shaped goose formation, is genearted by a supersonic object. Since geese fly subsonically in normal circumstances, they do not generate a shock wave. But of course this set of geese may be somewhat different with the involvement of CIA and stealth technology.
|-
|Missing Valence Geese
|In Chemistry, {{w|Valence (chemistry)|valence}} electrons are the electrons in the outermost "layer" which change places when chemical reactions happen. As there is an optimal number of electrons in a layer, if there are missing valence electrons, atoms which can fill in these gaps tend to react with the atoms having the missing electrons. In case of "electron sharing" (aka covalent bond) molecules result from such an encounter. The comic suggests a second geese formation that has proper "valence geese" in the appropriate position could bond (=merge) with this one into a larger formation. A normal geese V formation like the one in the comic has one side longer than the other and this is possibly Randall's explanation for the phenomenon.
In reality, geese do form V-shaped flocks, since the rear geese can profit aerodynamically from the vortices created by the front geese, and that way the overall flock requires less energy. So there is actually some evolutionary sense for additional geese to fill the "valence holes". It is thus a little weird that there are two backup geese close to these valence vacancies, as they should then have filled them up...
|-
|Stealth cargo being escorted
|The formation is forming a protective surrounding around an empty space in the middle which in a military formation could contain protected cargo. As there is no cargo visible in the geese formation, it is titled "{{w|Stealth technology|stealth}}". This would be a nice [[:Category:Conspiracy theory|conspiracy theory]] to spread.
|-
|Kevin
|Also mentioned in the title text. It is unclear what the name refers to. It may refer to:
* The "go-to name" for [[Randall]] at the time of this comic's release, as he also used the name in [[1719: Superzoom]], ten comics before this one.
* An {{w|Eddie Izzard}} skit about migrating birds (Eddie Izzard - Religions, Cats & Migrating Birds). A group of birds are following Kevin, assuming that he knows where he is going. But he is lost and they end up in the wrong place.
* Kevin McCallister from the {{w|Home Alone}} movies, who gets separated from his parents a lot. (see [[1164: Home Alone]]).
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/219w2o/whos_the_dumbest_person_youve_ever_met/cgbhkwp Kevin of reddit fame], the dumbest person ever.
* One of the {{w|Minions (Despicable Me)|Minions}} from the "{{w|Despicable Me}}" franchise ([http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/Kevin Kevin]), who leaves the main Minion group in search of a new master.
* The intelligent and playful bird [http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Kevin Kevin], from the Disney/Pixar movie {{w|Up (movie)|Up}}.
* [https://youtu.be/OyqdoxTEmdg Kevin] from {{w|South Park}}. Especially the "Dammit Kevin" mentioned in the title text could arise from this.
* [http://the321penguins.wikia.com/wiki/Kevin Kevin] from [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3-2-1_Penguins! 3-2-1 Penguins!], who "will answer questions and save planets without even knowing he could."
* {{w|We Need to Talk About Kevin}}, a book and drama film about a deranged child.
* Kevin Beckman, the dimwitted receptionist from the 2016 [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghostbusters:_Answer_the_Call Ghostbusters] movie.
* Just a random name, as the only of the birds that actually has a personal name acts alone instead of following the other birds.
|}

==Transcript==
:[Caption above the panel:]
:Understanding Migration of Geese

:[20 geese are shown flying in a typical migratory V-formation. As they are shown in silhouette it is not possible to determine if they are seen from above or from below. They are flying toward the top of the image with the first goose close to the top in the middle of the image. There is one head goose, and then there are 7 geese in the left arms and 9 geese in the right arm. Behind the left arm there are two stragglers that are not in line with the others, but closer to the middle than those above and not as close to each other as the rest but still flying in the same direction. Finally there is one goose at the bottom right corner flying at a 45 degree angle away from the other to the right. The first goose is flapping its wing, which is also the case with six other geese, no. 4 and 6 in the left and 3, 5 and 6 in the right arm as well as the middle of the two in the rear towards the middle. The rest are soaring with straight wings and all of these look the same except no. 7 in the right arm which has two tails, which both goes ahead of the wings, making it look like a plane with two engines. The head goose and 5 of the 9 geese in the right arm as well as the one bottom right are labelled with and arrow pointing to them from the label. The front goose has the label in front to the left, the other have it in front to the right, except the second last in the arm which has the label inside the V and one flying away which has the label right above it. The two behind and right of the left arm have one label behind them with two arrows from the label pointing at both geese. There is a thick curvy line in front of geese no. 3 to 5 in the left arm. In front of that line is a thinner broken line. In front of this is a label written with the same curvature. There are two areas surrounded by dotted lines. The first one is behind the last of the left arms geese, extending in the same direction for a distance of about two geese. It has a label above and left with and arrow pointing to it. The other area is in the middle of the V forming a loose triangular structure with a label inside.]
:Head goose: Head goose <small>(4<sup>th</sup> in line to the British throne)</small>
:Right no. 1: Quarterback
:Right no. 3: Comptroller
:Right no. 5: Migration abort goose
:Right no. 7: Twin-engine model
:Right no. 8: CIA informant
:Bottom right corner: Kevin
:Behind center: Backups
:In front of left no. 3-5: Shock front
:Empty area behind left arm: Missing valence geese
:Empty area in center: Stealth cargo being escorted

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:American football]]

Talk:1720: Horses

2016-08-15T14:12:49Z

141.101.98.75:

Except, no one really worries about drunk drivers driving into a tree. If that happens, I'd say its all good, servers them right... The real problem is drunk drivers running into other drivers, pedestrians, property, etc. And even back in the days of horses and carriages, when forced to go at full gallop the horses would not be able to prevent such mistakes. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.210.238|162.158.210.238]] 13:22, 15 August 2016 (UTC)

A horse is a low tech version of KARR. Surely we want a KITT?
[[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.49|141.101.98.49]] 14:04, 15 August 2016 (UTC)

"A badly-driven horse can toss-off its owner"... *fnar fnar*. Perhaps "throw off" or "buck" would mesh less easily with the remnants of immature adolescent brain that I still possess? [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.75|141.101.98.75]] 14:12, 15 August 2016 (UTC)

1720: Horses

2016-08-15T12:26:22Z

141.101.98.75: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 1720
| date = August 15, 2016
| title = Horses
| image = horses.png
| titletext = This car has 240% of a horse's decision-making ability and produces only 30% as much poop.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Very rough}}

Car engines are traditionally measured in {{w|horsepower}}, which (roughly) compares the power output of the engine to that of a horse. Randall suggests that an equivalent should be done for the computers in {{w|self-driving car}}s, comparing the car's ability to mitigate for a drunk driver and/or avoid obstacles to that of a horse - the car for sale in the third panel is 200 horsepower (on the higher-end of average for a family vehicle) and 3.5 horse-intelligences.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript}}

{{comic discussion}}

1484: Apollo Speeches

2016-07-01T06:05:55Z

141.101.98.75:

{{comic
| number = 1484
| date = February 9, 2015
| title = Apollo Speeches
| image = apollo_speeches.png
| titletext = While our commitment to recycling initiatives has been unwavering, this is not a cost any of us should be expected to pay.
}}

==Explanation==
As explained in the comic, {{w|Richard Nixon|Nixon}} staffer {{w|William Safire}} wrote [http://www.lettersofnote.com/2010/11/in-event-of-moon-disaster.html two speeches] for the United States President to deliver, depending on whether or not the {{w|Apollo 11}} return launch was successful. When the outcome of an event (moon landing, military actions, etc.) can't be predicted with sufficient certainty, it is a common practice for "[http://www.archives.gov/presidential-libraries/events/centennials/nixon/exhibit/nixon-online-exhibit-disaster.html contingency speeches]" to be prepared.

The rest of the comic runs with this theme, making the false claim that Safire had written several other such contingency speeches for increasingly unlikely possibilities. First listed are a couple pages from the real contingency speech to be delivered in the event that the astronauts were left stranded on the Moon. Lying on top of that is a speech to be delivered in the case that the spacecraft went missing altogether, which was relatively unlikely. The speeches after that deal with the following highly unlikely or impossible contingencies:
*The astronauts had stolen the ship and piloted it towards Mars, which was clearly not feasible: while the crew could have redirected the ship while sending insulting messages to Earth, the spacecraft lacked the power to fly to Mars within any reasonable period of time by several orders of magnitude or the supplies for the astronauts to survive such an extended trip.
**At the time of production for this strip in 2015, several governments and private companies have designs on Martian colonization.
*More astronauts than expected were found in the recovered ship;
**The appearance of three additional astronauts ventures into the realm of possibility normally reserved for science fiction and Twilight Zone episodes.
*The ship had hit the {{w|USS Hornet (CV-12)|USS ''Hornet''}} and crushed Nixon;
**The U.S.S. Hornet was the ship that recovered the Apollo 11 astronauts after they completed their return mission by landing their command module in the Pacific Ocean; President Nixon himself was on board to greet them upon their return. Apollo 11 famously landed in the Pacific Ocean, and the single ship tasked with its recovery would be a very small target to hit for the technology even if that had been the intent, which it was of course not. Spiro Agnew was, in 1969, Vice President of the United States, and thus next in line for the presidency. This joke plays off the extreme improbability of the ship, and indeed President, being hit and triggering a succession, causing "President Agnew" to address the world.
*The re-entry craft had been sold for scrap and crushed along with the astronauts inside.
**Apollo 11 observed a strict quarantine procedure after landing. This possibility requires extraordinary incompetence and unholy zeal for recycling programs. The command module was historically recovered, examined, and is now on permanent display in the {{w|National Air and Space Museum}}. Obviously, the astronauts were allowed to leave the craft before it was put on display.

The title text builds upon this last contingency speech, delving into the pathos of the horror of the spacecraft's recycling and its passengers' resulting deaths despite the U.S.'s commitment to recycling initiatives.

Shortly after this comic was released, in that week's ''What if?'', ''those speeches'' are referenced with a link to this comic. (see [http://what-if.xkcd.com/129/ Black Hole Moon]).

This comic was referenced again in another ''What If?'', [https://what-if.xkcd.com/146/ Stop Jupiter].

==Transcript==
:[Commentary above the speeches.]
:In 1969, Nixon staffer William Safire wrote a speech for the president to deliver if the Apollo 11 return launch failed, stranding the doomed astronauts on the Moon.
:Uncovered in 1999, it is often called the greatest speech never given.
:Today, the ''full'' set of Safire's contingency speeches has been found.

:'''In event astronauts stranded on Moon'''
:Fate has ordained that the men who went to the Moon to explore in peace will stay on the Moon to rest in peace.
:[Here, several lines from the original speech are cut.]
:In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.
:Others will follow, and surely find their way home. Man’s search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts. For every human being who looks up at the Moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever

:'''In event spacecraft goes missing'''
:Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin, and Michael Collins went to the Moon as ambassadors of peace for all mankind, and all mankind prays that they may yet return safely home.
:We are separated from the Moon by a vast gulf of space, against which their tiny vessel appeared as but a drifting speck. For a few brief seconds, we took our eye off them, and despite days of desperate searching, never again was their vessel sighted from Earth.
:While these men are lost, they are not forgotten, and their sacrifice will not

:'''In even astronauts abscond with spacecraft'''
:We do not know what led Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins to betray the trust we placed in them, abandon their mission, and steer their vessel toward Mars. Nor do we know what compelled them to transmit such hurtful messages back to Earth, heaping contempt on their onetime home.
:But whatever the cause of their dereliction, I call upon the United States to commit itself, before this year is out, to launching a mission to chase down Apollo 11 and return its crew to earth to face justice. We must not rest until

:'''In event spacecraft returns with extra astronauts'''
:While there is much we do not understand, tonight all of earth is united in celebrating the safe return of our brave explorers.
:We of course have many questions, and in the days and weeks to come we will demand answers. How many souls were truly aboard Apollo 11 when it launched? Who are the six men now in quarantine aboard the USS Hornet? What happened

:'''In event spacecraft hits U.S.S. Hornet, crushing Nixon'''
:'''President Agnew''': Tonight, we have experienced a great national triumph and a great national loss. We take joy in the safe return from the Moon of Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin, and Michael Collins, but that joy is tempered with sorrow as we mourn our president’s tragic death beneath their wayward capsule.
:Richard Nixon wholeheartedly supported our courageous astronauts as they carried the hopes and prayers of Earth to the heavens, and in the moment of their homecoming, he himself has departed on that ultimate voyage. As we grieve, we must rededicate ourselves to the cause for which our president

:'''In event spacecraft accidentally sold for scrap and crushed with astronauts inside'''
:My fellow Americans, I am as shocked and appalled as you at this stunning and

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Space]]

1484: Apollo Speeches

2016-07-01T06:00:06Z

141.101.98.75:

{{comic
| number = 1484
| date = February 9, 2015
| title = Apollo Speeches
| image = apollo_speeches.png
| titletext = While our commitment to recycling initiatives has been unwavering, this is not a cost any of us should be expected to pay.
}}

==Explanation==
As explained in the comic, {{w|Richard Nixon|Nixon}} staffer {{w|William Safire}} wrote [http://www.lettersofnote.com/2010/11/in-event-of-moon-disaster.html two speeches] for the United States President to deliver, depending on whether or not the {{w|Apollo 11}} return launch was successful. When the outcome of an event (moon landing, military actions, etc.) can't be predicted with sufficient certainty, it is a common practice for "[http://www.archives.gov/presidential-libraries/events/centennials/nixon/exhibit/nixon-online-exhibit-disaster.html contingency speeches]" to be prepared.

The rest of the comic runs with this theme, making the false claim that Safire had written several other such contingency speeches for increasingly unlikely possibilities. First listed are a couple pages from the real contingency speech to be delivered in the event that the astronauts were left stranded on the Moon. Lying on top of that is a speech to be delivered in the case that the spacecraft went missing altogether, which was relatively unlikely. The speeches after that deal with the following highly unlikely or impossible contingencies:
*The astronauts had stolen the ship and piloted it towards Mars, which was clearly not feasible: while the crew could have redirected the ship while sending insulting messages to Earth, the spacecraft lacked the power to fly to Mars within any reasonable period of time by several orders of magnitude or the supplies for the astronauts to survive such an extended trip.
**At the time of production for this strip in 2015, several governments and private companies have designs on Martian colonization.
*More astronauts than expected were found in the recovered ship;
**The appearance of three additional astronauts ventures into the realm of possibility normally reserved for science fiction and Twilight Zone episodes.
*The ship had hit the {{w|USS Hornet (CV-12)|USS ''Hornet''}} and crushed Nixon;
**The U.S.S. Hornet was the ship that recovered the Apollo 11 astronauts after they completed their return mission by landing their command module in the Pacific Ocean; President Nixon himself was on board to greet them upon their return. Apollo 11 famously landed in the Pacific Ocean, and the single ship tasked with its recovery would be a very small target to hit for the technology even if that had been the intent, which it was of course not. Spiro Agnew was, in 1969, Vice President of the United States, and thus next in line for the presidency. This joke plays off the extreme improbability of the ship, and indeed President, being hit and triggering a succession, causing "President Agnew" to address the world.
*The re-entry craft had been sold for scrap and crushed along with the astronauts inside.
**Apollo 11 observed a strict quarantine procedure after landing. This possibility requires extraordinary incompetence and unholy zeal for recycling programs. The command module was historically recovered, examined, and is now on permanent display in the {{w|National Air and Space Museum}}. Obviously,{{ctationneeded}} the astronauts were allowed to leave the craft before it was put on display.

The title text builds upon this last contingency speech, delving into the pathos of the horror of the spacecraft's recycling and its passengers' resulting deaths despite the U.S.'s commitment to recycling initiatives.

Shortly after this comic was released, in that week's ''What if?'', ''those speeches'' are referenced with a link to this comic. (see [http://what-if.xkcd.com/129/ Black Hole Moon]).

This comic was referenced again in another ''What If?'', [https://what-if.xkcd.com/146/ Stop Jupiter].

==Transcript==
:[Commentary above the speeches.]
:In 1969, Nixon staffer William Safire wrote a speech for the president to deliver if the Apollo 11 return launch failed, stranding the doomed astronauts on the Moon.
:Uncovered in 1999, it is often called the greatest speech never given.
:Today, the ''full'' set of Safire's contingency speeches has been found.

:'''In event astronauts stranded on Moon'''
:Fate has ordained that the men who went to the Moon to explore in peace will stay on the Moon to rest in peace.
:[Here, several lines from the original speech are cut.]
:In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.
:Others will follow, and surely find their way home. Man’s search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts. For every human being who looks up at the Moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever

:'''In event spacecraft goes missing'''
:Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin, and Michael Collins went to the Moon as ambassadors of peace for all mankind, and all mankind prays that they may yet return safely home.
:We are separated from the Moon by a vast gulf of space, against which their tiny vessel appeared as but a drifting speck. For a few brief seconds, we took our eye off them, and despite days of desperate searching, never again was their vessel sighted from Earth.
:While these men are lost, they are not forgotten, and their sacrifice will not

:'''In even astronauts abscond with spacecraft'''
:We do not know what led Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins to betray the trust we placed in them, abandon their mission, and steer their vessel toward Mars. Nor do we know what compelled them to transmit such hurtful messages back to Earth, heaping contempt on their onetime home.
:But whatever the cause of their dereliction, I call upon the United States to commit itself, before this year is out, to launching a mission to chase down Apollo 11 and return its crew to earth to face justice. We must not rest until

:'''In event spacecraft returns with extra astronauts'''
:While there is much we do not understand, tonight all of earth is united in celebrating the safe return of our brave explorers.
:We of course have many questions, and in the days and weeks to come we will demand answers. How many souls were truly aboard Apollo 11 when it launched? Who are the six men now in quarantine aboard the USS Hornet? What happened

:'''In event spacecraft hits U.S.S. Hornet, crushing Nixon'''
:'''President Agnew''': Tonight, we have experienced a great national triumph and a great national loss. We take joy in the safe return from the Moon of Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin, and Michael Collins, but that joy is tempered with sorrow as we mourn our president’s tragic death beneath their wayward capsule.
:Richard Nixon wholeheartedly supported our courageous astronauts as they carried the hopes and prayers of Earth to the heavens, and in the moment of their homecoming, he himself has departed on that ultimate voyage. As we grieve, we must rededicate ourselves to the cause for which our president

:'''In event spacecraft accidentally sold for scrap and crushed with astronauts inside'''
:My fellow Americans, I am as shocked and appalled as you at this stunning and

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Space]]