explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

3217: Home Remedies

2026-03-11T05:33:17Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 3217
| date = March 9, 2026
| title = Home Remedies
| image = home_remedies_2x.png
| imagesize = 364x249px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = As always, you are permitted to call one person for guidance, but that person must be a grandparent.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created but can be easily removed with this one great trick!. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

Many household problems have a range of commonly-circulated supposed solutions using easily available items and ingredients, such as using salt to lift a stain out of a carpet. Sometimes, when one of these problems presents itself, several competing remedies may be offered by those present. This comic imagines this as a competitive sport, in which the final test is to combine several of these problems into one grand challenge to be solved. Specifically, the contestants in this case are presented with:
* removing unpleasant odours (in this case, that of a {{w|skunk}})
* {{w|Hangover_remedies|curing a hangover}}
* [https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Gum-Out-of-Your-Hair removing chewing gum stuck in hair]
and possibly
* removing a wild animal from the premises

The contest appears to be set up such that strategy plays a role. While a hungover skunk is highly likely to spray when chewing gum is being removed from its fur (thus forcing the contestant to fix all 3 problems), a hangover cure that makes use of a restorative deep sleep could, if administered properly, completely remove the need to remedy the smell of skunk spray. Offering contestants a longer yet easier path versus a quicker yet riskier path is a common trope in {{w|reality television}}. Putting the skunk to sleep could be seen as risky due to the complexity of the remedy, the risk of disqualification (killing the skunk) and the risk of failure (getting sprayed anyway, not actually curing the hangover, or running out of time).

The title text's requirement that any assistance must come from a grandparent may reference the fact that such treatments are often described as "something my (granpappy/grandmaw/etc) told me", perhaps having reportedly been something that they themselves learnt from their own grandparent (and possibly even further back), deferring to the implied {{w|Wise old man|authority and experience}} behind them. These tidbits of information are rarely used enough to be among any of the life lessons that direct parents may teach to an individual, but still useful knowledge to {{w|Grandmother hypothesis#The grandmother effect|pass down the generations}}.

Other people, not so emotionally invested in the ramblings of someone else's grandparent, may be more skeptically considering such 'advice' as more of an {{w|old wives' tale}} that isn't being passed on (or even remembered) entirely reliably, but then this is at least partly what the featured competition seems to be testing, and presumably those who have reached this final stage have already proven themselves as being more aptly critical than most of the various home remedies that they've potentially been told by their various (especially more elder) family members.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Don't remove this notice too soon.}}
:[Cueball, holding a microphone, is addressing 3 contestants (Megan, White Hat & Hairbun), each standing at desks. Each desk has a lidded box on top and two drawers below. Megan and Hairbun's boxes are shaking, with their lids slightly open.]
:Cueball: And now, for the final round, you have each been given a skunk with a hangover and chewing gum stuck to its fur.
:Cueball: You have 30 minutes. Good luck.

:[Caption below the image:]
:The Home Remedy World Championships

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring White Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Animals]]

3107: Weather Balloons

2025-06-26T18:37:17Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 3107
| date = June 25, 2025
| title = Weather Balloons
| image = weather_balloons_2x.png
| imagesize = 547x351px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Once you add the balloons into the model, it makes forecasting easier overall--the forecast is always 'cold and dark, with minimal solar-driven convection.'
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created by a METEOROLOGIST BOT WITH A FEAR OF PRE-COPULATORY SEXUAL CANNIBALISM. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}
A {{w|weather balloon}} is a balloon that carries meteorological instruments into the high atmosphere and sends readings back to scientists, who use the information to make weather and climate predictions. Typically it will rise up until it breaks from too much pressure inside the balloon as outside in the top of the atmosphere. This is why the graph states that it is the number of balloons launches each day, because if they where only launched on one day, they would all be gone from the sky the next day (although not the material the balloons where made of that would fall back down).

The diagram in the comic claims that weather forecasting accuracy correlates with the number of weather balloons launched each day. But it forecasts that if the rate of balloon launches is sufficiently high, eventually there will be so many balloons that they actually impact the weather due to blocking out sunlight. So if the balloons are not included into the weather model the accuracy of the model based on the reading from the many balloons decreases. This happens somewhere between 100 billion to 1 trillion weather balloons launched each day. The accuracy of the model drops completely towards zero around 10 trillions launched each day, where it even falls below the accuracy without any balloons at the start of the graph.

While there's correlation between number of weather balloon launches and weather model accuracy, they're not the only cause. Scientific understanding of the physical processes in the atmosphere has also improved, and the speed of computers used in simulations has increased by orders of magnitude. The existence of weather and geophysical satellites also significantly improves forecasts, as they can continuously gain information about clouds and temperatures over huge areas, while weather balloons only capture information in a single location for a limited duration.

The surface area of the Earth is around 510 {{w|Trillion|(short-scale) trillion}} square metres, and a typical weather balloon (whilst smaller at launch) will expand to approximately 6 m diameter at altitude; this covers an area slightly under 30m², within a just marginally larger 'air surface area' at height. This makes it entirely possible for not far from 18 trillion standard weather balloons to potentially blanket the whole Earth; or even fewer, given the current availability of larger models each reaching more than twice the width, or four times the coverage of area. This isn't far off the implications given by the graph. On the other hand, because of the inherent translucency of the balloon material, the tendency to jostle vertically (the illustration implying that it's not just a single layer of close-packed balloons) and the need to synchronize launches and ascents to try to form any optimal single layer in one go might make it difficult to accomplish without a slightly greater magnitude of launches. (Or perhaps roughly doubling up the effect by only ever bothering to launch at local times that concentrate the coverage across the whole sunlit hemisphere at any given time.)

The joke in the title text is that when there are so many balloons that sunlight is entirely blocked, weather will always be the same: "cold and dark". So we won't need complex models to forecast it. Also when there is not heating of the Earths surface the solar driven convection that drives storms and weather patterns would stop. Of course humans and most life of Earth would die out. However, if it is humans who launches 20 trillions balloons each day, that will soon stop, and the weather would return to fairly normal once the balloons are gone in a days time after the last major launch. Of course the pollution from the trillions of balloons would last for longer, but not prevent the sun from reaching the Earths surface.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

[A graph is shown. The X axis is labeled Number of Weather Balloon Launches Per Day. It's logarithmic, with ticks in powers of 10, and values shown at 1, 10, 100, 1,000, 1 million, 1 billion, and 1 trillion. The Y axis is labeled Weather Model Accuracy, no values are shown. The plot starts above the mark for 1 balloon, at about 40% of the maximum value of the curve, it quickly rises through a point labelled "Current Rate", at about 4000 launches per day and 85% of the maximum. The maximum value is reached at 100 million, plateaus until 10 billion, and then reduces even more rapidly down to perhaps 15% maximum accuracy above the 10 trillion mark.]

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>

[[Category:Line graphs]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Weather]]

3083: Jupiter Core

2025-04-30T17:47:27Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 3083
| date = April 30, 2025
| title = Jupiter Core
| image = jupiter_core_2x.png
| imagesize = 581x443px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Juno mission data suggests that Jupiter actually contains Matryoshka doll-style nested copies of every other planet in the Solar System.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created recently by AN ADMIN IN THE CENTER OF JUPITER. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

{{w|Jupiter}} is the largest planet in the {{w|Solar System}}, the fifth planet from the Sun, and the closest-in {{w|gas giant}}. The core of the planet is hidden by an enormous gaseous atmosphere, and this comic lists a number of theories about the structure of that core. The first two are theories that are or have been held by reputable planetary scientists (they can be found in the Wikipedia entry), while the rest are ridiculous ideas from Randall's mind.

{|class="wikitable" style="margin:auto"
|-
!Number Jupiter!!Caption of Jupiter!!Explanation
|-
|1||Diffuse mix of heavy elements and metallic hydrogen||Data from {{w|Juno (spacecraft)|Juno}}, a spacecraft orbiting Jupiter since 2016, supports this structure.
|-
|2||Rocky core with metallic, hydrogen mantle||This was one of the leading proposals prior to the Juno mission.
|-
|3||Valuable treasure|| Indecipherable objects that may be gemstones or precious metals, surrounded by dollar signs. May be a reference to the occasionally proposed idea that gas giant cores might be composed of diamond, famously used in Arthur C. Clarke's ''{{w|2010: Odyssey Two}}''.
|-
|4||Emergency backup Earth||This would be a copy of the Earth that can be put into place once we finish destroying our planet. In popular science Jupiter is often described as a "protector" of Earth since its large gravitational field attracts asteroids that could otherwise hit Earth. This could be Randall's take on this claim in that it has a backup Earth in case everything else fails.
|-
|5||Regular planet pretending to be a gas giant to avoid attention||The joke here is that there is secretly a regular planet hiding inside Jupiter that is shy and does not want attention, so it pretends to be a gas giant. Of course, planets are not shy in real life, as they do not have feelings.{{citation needed}}
|-
|6||Hard ball from avocado|| An avocado pit is the seed of the avocado.
|-
|7||Baby Jupiter, still gestating||Jupiter is so big because it's pregnant, and the core is a fetal planet.
|-
|8||No core; flat Earth conspiracists are wrong about Earth but right about Jupiter||{{w|Modern_flat_Earth_beliefs|Flat Earth}} is a debunked{{cn}} claim that the Earth is not actually spherical, but flat. This version of Jupiter proposes that while Earth may not be flat, Jupiter is, so it doesn't actually have a core. Both Earth-based astronomy and flyby missions disprove this.
|-
|9||{{w|Matryoshka doll}} (title text)||Since Jupiter is by far the largest planet of the solar system (and in fact larger by both mass and volume than all other Solar System planets combined), it could hypothetically contain all other planets nested inside one another. The order from largest to smallest would be Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars, and Mercury.
|}

==Transcript==
{{Incomplete|better phrasing needed}}

:Current leading theories for what's in the center of Jupiter:

:[Variations of Jupiter, except for the last are shown with about 1/8 of the planet chopped off to show the core.]

:[Jupiter with liquid material at its core]
:Diffuse mix of heavy elements and metallic hydrogen

:[Jupiter with a rocky core]
:Rocky core with metallic, hydrogen mantle

:[Jupiter with a pile of coins for a core, with multiple dollar signs shown]
:Valuable treasure

:[Jupiter with Earth for a core]
:Emergency backup Earth

:[Hollow Jupiter with a rocky planet in the middle]
:Regular planet pretending to be a gas giant to avoid attention

:[Jupiter with a smooth ball for a core]
:Hard ball from avocado

:[Jupiter with a small version of Jupiter for a core]
:Baby Jupiter, still gestating

:[Jupiter as a flat circle, with nothing chopped off]
:No core; flat Earth conspiracists are wrong about Earth but right about Jupiter

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Astronomy]]
[[Category:Food]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theory]]

3054: Scream Cipher

2025-02-21T20:42:28Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 3054
| date = February 21, 2025
| title = Scream Cipher
| image = scream_cipher_2x.png
| imagesize = 287x416px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = AAAAAA A ÃA̧AȂA̦ ǍÅÂÃĀÁȂ AAAAAAA!
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by A ÃA̧ȂÁAǍẢÂA̋ ȦÅĀ - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
A {{w|Cipher}} is a method of encryption, where characters or sometimes words are substituted for other characters in a set pattern, allowing for arbitrary strings to be enciphered using it. The complexity and strength of ciphers varies, from {{w|one-time pads}} and (historically) {{w|enigma machine|Enigma}} as stronger and more complex, to {{w|substitution ciphers}} as some of the weakest and least complex, where each character is simply given a set different symbol to represent it in the cipher.

This comic uses a subtitution cipher, where all the letters of the English Alphabet are represented using the letter A, with different {{w|diacritical marks}} to define the differences. This kind of cipher is often used on a recreational basis by children or casual enthusiasts, the similarity of the letters increasing the obcurity of the content and the skill or technology required for use, but there is also significant impracticality, as not only are substitution ciphers the easiest to break, but also the similarities in the letters do make the cipher hard to read and easy to misread, and the detail in the diacritical marks make it easy to draw the As incorrectly or ambiguously, potentially leading to [[3003: Sandwich Helix|part of the message being lost.]] This was our experience in the comments section of this very article, where one person implemented translator functions alongside another person crafting a message that failed to translate. However, the logic behind the code is mostly visual similarity, and if attentive to connecting concepts between the american and scream cipher alphabet, it could be quickly learned and translated in a glance.

It's named "Scream Cipher" (as a pun on stream ciphers, commonly used in computing) because the written form of a scream is a long string of As, possibly with some other characters at the end (and often an exclamation point for emphasis), such as "Aaaaaah!" or "Aaaaaaagh!". The name may or may not be a reference to IBM's {{w|Scream_(cipher)|Scream cipher}} published in 2002.

In the comic, [[Cueball]] texts the cipher for "HELLO", and [[Megan]] responds with the cipher for "HI".

The title text deciphers to "AAAAAA A SCARY MONSTER AAAAAA!"

You can translate text to and from Scream Cipher using [https://github.com/matthewpwatkins/scream-cipher/ the Scream Cipher Translator].

Another recent comic featuring all A's was [[2957: A Crossword Puzzle]].

==Worked example==



Say we want to encode "Scream" in the Scream Cipher. First we would need to split out word into the letters, so S, C, R, E, A, M.

The first letter is S, so if we go to S in the table S is shown to become to Ǎ, C similarly becomes A̧, R becomes Ȃ, E corresponds to Ȃ, A is the main letter so A is unchanged to A, and M becomes Ǎ. If we then write them again in order, we find SCREAM becomes ǍA̧ȂȂAǍ.

To turn cipher text back into normal text, the process is repeated in reverse. To translate A̧ẢA̯A̰ȂȂ, we go to A̧ in the table and find A̧ becomes C. Ả similarly becomes I, A̯ becomes P, A̰ becomes H, Ȃ becomes E, and Ȃ becomes R. If we write the letters in order, we see that A̧ẢA̯A̰ȂȂ becomes CIPHER.

The symmetry of subtitution ciphers is apparent in the example, as in the SCREAM example R becomes Ȃ and E becomes Ȃ, and in the CIPHER example in the opposite direction Ȃ goes back to being R, and Ȃ goes back to being E, though in a different order.

==Table==

The {{w|Unicode}} names of the characters in the cipher are as follows:

{|class="wikitable"
! Input !! colspan=2 | Substitution
|-
| U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A || A || '''U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A
|-
| U+0042 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER B || Ȧ || '''U+0226 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH DOT ABOVE
|-
| U+0043 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER C || A̧ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+0327 COMBINING CEDILLA
|-
| U+0044 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER D || A̱ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+0331 COMBINING MACRON BELOW
|-
| U+0045 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER E || Ȃ || '''U+00C1 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH ACUTE
|-
| U+0046 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER F || A̮ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+032E COMBINING BREVE BELOW
|-
| U+0047 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER G || A̋ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+030B COMBINING DOUBLE ACUTE ACCENT
|-
| U+0048 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER H || A̰ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+0330 COMBINING TILDE BELOW
|-
| U+0049 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER I || Ả || '''U+1EA2 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH HOOK ABOVE
|-
| U+004A LATIN CAPITAL LETTER J || A̓ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+0313 COMBINING COMMA ABOVE
|-
| U+004B LATIN CAPITAL LETTER K || Ạ || '''U+1EA0 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH DOT BELOW
|-
| U+004C LATIN CAPITAL LETTER L || Ă || '''U+0102 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH BREVE
|-
| U+004D LATIN CAPITAL LETTER M || Ǎ || '''U+01CD LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH CARON
|-
| U+004E LATIN CAPITAL LETTER N || Â || '''U+00C2 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH CIRCUMFLEX
|-
| U+004F LATIN CAPITAL LETTER O || Å || '''U+00C5 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH RING ABOVE
|-
| U+0050 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER P || A̯ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+032F COMBINING INVERTED BREVE BELOW
|-
| U+0051 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER Q || A̤ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+0324 COMBINING DIAERESIS BELOW
|-
| U+0052 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER R || Ȃ || '''U+0202 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH INVERTED BREVE
|-
| U+0053 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER S || Ã || '''U+00C3 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH TILDE
|-
| U+0054 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER T || Ā || '''U+0100 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH MACRON
|-
| U+0055 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER U || Ä || '''U+00C4 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH DIAERESIS
|-
| U+0056 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER V || À || '''U+00C0 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH GRAVE
|-
| U+0057 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER W || Ȁ || '''U+0200 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH DOUBLE GRAVE
|-
| U+0058 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER X || A̽ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+033D COMBINING X ABOVE
|-
| U+0059 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER Y || A̦ || U+0041 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A, U+0326 COMBINING COMMA BELOW
|-
| U+005A LATIN CAPITAL LETTER Z || Ⱥ || '''U+023A LATIN CAPITAL LETTER A WITH STROKE
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:[Top of the panel has 26 letters of the alphabet, each followed by a hyphen and the letter "A" with a unique diacritical mark for each. "A - A" at the top is an exception, where the latter doesn't have a diacritic.]
:{|
|A - A
|-
|B - Ȧ
|G - A̋
|L - Ă
|Q - A̤
|V - À
|-
|C - A̧
|H - A̰
|M - Ǎ
|R - Ȃ
|W - Ȁ
|-
|D - A̱
|I - Ả
|N - Â
|S - Ã
|X - A̽
|-
|E - Á
|J - A̓
|O - Å
|T - Ā
|Y - A̦
|-
|F - A̮
|K - Ạ
|P - A̯
|U - Ä
|Z - Ⱥ
|}
:[Cueball and Megan typing on their phones, Cueball with two hands and Megan with one hand.]
:Cueball's phone: A̰ÁĂĂÅ
:Megan's phone: A̰Ả

:[Caption below the panel:]
:In the ''Scream Cipher'', messages consist of all As, with different letters distinguished using diacritics.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Language]]
[[Category:Cryptography]]

3044: Humidifier Review

2025-01-30T21:31:10Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 3044
| date = January 29, 2025
| title = Humidifier Review
| image = humidifier_review_2x.png
| imagesize = 285x287px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = They should add a little sticker that certifies that the humidifier supports water conservation, but in the sense of energy conservation or momentum conservation.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a 101% EFFICIENT TOASTER. This page was clearly autogenerated by an AI that does not understand the comic nor humidity engineering. I tried to improve the first paragtaph. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
This comic shows a review of a {{w|humidifier}}, which complains that it uses too much water to increase the humidity of the room to 45%. However, aside from small efficiency improvements (and [[2710: Hydropower Breakthrough|machinery made by Beret Guy]]), it is very hard to reduce the amount of water used to humidify a room without sealing the room better to prevent humid air from leaving it, which has nothing to do with the humidifier.

A humidifier is a device that evaporates water from a tank, causing the air around it to become more humid. The law of {{w|conservation of mass}} states that the amount of matter in the universe must stay constant. Therefore, the amount of water used by the humidifier must be at least the amount gained by the air. In order to release more water into the air than was originally placed in the tank, the humidifier would have to use a chemical reaction to create water from some other chemicals - which would still need to be supplied. This analysis also assumes the room is held at a constant temperature. Since humidity (when given as a percentage measure such as the stated 45%) is relative to the water capacity of the air at its current temperature, a humidifier could also increase relative humidity by cooling the air, even using no water at all.

Other examples of commonly-used, commonly-reviewed household devices whose operational efficiency is limited by the laws of physics themselves include {{w|space heater|space heaters}}, {{w|electric water boiler|electric kettles}}, {{w|air conditioning|air conditioners}}, and {{w|refrigerator|refrigerators}}. For instance, a space heater {{what if|35|cannot produce more heat than the electrical energy it consumes}}, as dictated by the laws of thermodynamics. Similarly, an electric kettle cannot heat water with less energy than the amount required to raise its temperature, due to the specific heat capacity of water. Air conditioners and refrigerators operate by transferring heat rather than creating "cold," and their efficiency is constrained by the {{w|Carnot cycle}}, which defines the maximum possible efficiency of a heat engine.

The joke in the title text is based on different senses of the word "conservation". To most people this refers to reducing wasted use of some material, e.g. "water conservation" means avoiding waste of water. But to physicists, it means that some quantity in a system stays the same; for instance, conservation of energy means that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. For many years, most appliances have had {{w|Energy Star}} stickers that indicate their impact on the environment; by adopting the physicists' sense, they can trivially say they support water conservation.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:[A product review appears within a panel. At the top left is a small drawing of a humidifier within a rectangle. To the right of that rectangle, the following text appears:]
:HydroPro Humidifier
:[A line of illegible text appears below the product name, followed by a shorter line of illegible text within a rectangle.]
:Reviews
:[A horizontal line separates the above from a small close-up drawing of Hairy in a circle, with two lines of illegible text to his right.]
:[(3/5 stars)] '''Good but inefficient'''
:It keeps the humidity at 45% pretty well. I'd give it 5 stars if it didn't use so much water.

:[Caption below the panel:]
:My favorite reviews are the ones that penalize products for not violating the laws of physics.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Physics]]
[[Category:Online reviews]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]

what if? articles

2025-01-30T21:31:09Z

Dry Paratroopa:

<noinclude>{{DISPLAYTITLE:''What If?'' chapters}}:''For other instances of this title, see [[What If (disambiguation)]].

</noinclude>==Article index==
<big>'''After more than two weeks and a TON of work by [[Talk:What If? chapters|so many people]], the two ''what if?'' tables have finally been merged.'''</big> --[[User:FaviFake|FaviFake]] ([[User talk:FaviFake|talk]]) 17:13, 30 January 2025 (UTC)

* ''' ✓'''<big> '''Added: '''</big> '''ALL ~140 book-exclusive articles (!!!) to the table, each color-coded by book; EVERY YouTube video and its associated article; over new 130 thumbnails uploaded; new article from [[What If? 10th Anniversary Edition|the new book]] and the [[what if? (blog)#top|deleted article]].'''

* ''' ✓'''<big> '''Changes: '''</big> '''Merged columns No., Release date, and Weeks since last release; every column now easily sortable; columns Blog, Book (new), and YouTube (new) now use {{template|blog}} and {{template|book}} and are color-coded; split ''Short-Answer Sections'' into different cells; title bold and question italics and quoted

''' '''<big> '''Things left to do: '''</big>  ''(If you need help editing the table, check out the '''[[What If? chapters#Editors|Editors section]]'''! It includes a simple summary of the templates' documentations.)''

*We mostly only need to work on the explanations now! Add them for the articles that don't have one and improve the existing ones (they should be a summary of the answer, not just 1-2 sentences).
*2 blog articles featured in the first ''What If?'' book are missing their '''{{template|book}}''' template (there are 67 instead of 69). Find them by comparing this table to [[What If? chapters#Old Table|the old table]]!
*Randall has released a new book, "''[[What If? 10th Anniversary Edition|What If? 10th Anniversary Edition]]''". [[What If? 10th Anniversary Edition|Add info about the new book]] and [[:Category:Books|update the old book pages]]!

<div style="display:none;">__TOC__</div>This is an index of all articles featured in Randall Munroe's ''what if?'' [[what if? (blog)|blog]] and [[:Category:Books|book series]]. You can use the columns to sort the table alphabetically, by release date on the blog or YouTube, or by chapter in the books. The thumbnail is only available for articles published on the blog. If the title of a blog article differs from the one in the book, the latter will be provided in the Book column. A much simpler list that doesn't include book-exclusive arcticles can be found in the [https://what-if.xkcd.com/archive/ archive section] of the blog.

{| class="sortable wikitable"
!Thumbnail
!Title
!Reader's question
!Randall's answer
!Blog
!Books
!YouTube
|-
|[[File:Relativistic Baseball.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|1|Relativistic Baseball}}'''
|''"What would happen if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90% the speed of light?"''
|The ball would create plasma and reach home plate by about 70 nanoseconds. The result would be some kind of nuclear explosion, destroying everything about a mile from the field. A ruling of "{{w|hit by pitch}}" could be interpreted in this situation.
|{{blog|1|2012|07|10}}
|{{book|1|2}}
|{{book|5|2024|02|06|3EI08o-IGYk|What if you threw a baseball at nearly light speed?}}
|-
|[[File:SAT Guessing.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|2|SAT Guessing}}'''
|''"What if everyone who took the SAT guessed on every multiple-choice question? How many perfect scores would there be?"''
|No one would get a perfect score. The odds of guessing correctly on every question would be less than the odds of every ex-living president at that time and the main cast of [[:Category:Firefly|Firefly]] getting struck by lightning on the same day.
|{{blog|2|2012|07|10|7d early}}
|{{book|1|66}}
|
|-
|[[File:Yoda.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|3|Yoda}}'''
|''"How much Force power can Yoda output?"''
|Yoda can output about 19.2 kilowatts, or 25 horsepower. “Yoda power” would cost about $2/hour.
|{{blog|3|2012|07|17}}
|{{book|1|32}}
|
|-
|[[File:A Moles of Moles.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|4|A Mole of Moles}}'''
|''"What would happen if you were to gather a mole (unit of measurement) of moles (the small furry critter) in one place?"''
|As a mole is such a high number this would be tricky. They would condense into a pressurized sphere of meat that would freeze and occasionally explode from gases.
|{{blog|4|2012|07|24}}
|{{book|1|10}}
|
|-
|[[File:Robot Apocalypse.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|5|Robot Apocalypse}}'''
|''"What if there was a robot apocalypse? How long would humanity last?"''
|Humanity would survive if the robots cared about keeping themselves alive as well. If not, then we would all die.
|{{blog|5|2012|07|31}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Glass Half Empty.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|6|Glass Half Empty}}'''
|''"What if a glass of water was, all of a sudden, literally half empty?"''
|If the vacuum were on the bottom half, it would explode, but if it were on the top half, the air rushes in and it becomes normal water.
|{{blog|6|2012|08|07}}
|{{book|1|26}}
|{{book|16|2024|09|24|0EytSWiKrFg|What if a glass of water were LITERALLY half empty?}}
|-
|[[File:Everybody Out.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|7|Everybody Out}}'''
|''"Is there enough energy to move the entire current human population off-planet?"''
|No, at least not without starving to death quickly and leaving our pets, belongings, and everything else behind.
|{{blog|7|2012|08|14}}
|{{book|1|35}}
|
|-
|[[File:Everybody Jump.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|8|Everybody Jump}}'''
|''"What would happen if everyone on earth stood as close to each other as they could and jumped, everyone landing on the ground at the same instant?"''
|Earth would be unaffected, but almost all humans would probably be wiped out due to everyone trying to get home at the same time.
|{{blog|8|2012|08|21}}
|{{book|1|9}}
|{{book|9|2024|04|16|p2M8Y0z9Rl0|What if everyone jumped at once?}}
|-
|[[File:Soul Mates.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|9|Soul Mates}}'''
|''"What if everyone actually had only one soul mate, a random person somewhere in the world?"''
|Almost nobody would find their soul mate. Most people would probably fake love like some do now, due to the difficult nature of finding true love and staying with someone.
|{{blog|9|2012|08|28}}
|{{book|1|6}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cassini.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|10|Cassini}}'''
|''"What would the world be like if the land masses were spread out the same way as now - only rotated by an angle of 90 degrees?"''
|Mass biosphere collapse. Most major cities wouldn’t be affected much and humanity would ''probably'' still be able to survive.
|{{blog|10|2012|09|04}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Droppings.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|11|Droppings}}'''
|''"If you went outside and lay down on your back with your mouth open, how long would you have to wait until a bird pooped in it?"''
|195 years. Assuming you are in a area with a reasonable amount of birds. But why would you ''want'' to catch bird poop in your mouth?
|{{blog|11|2012|09|11}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Raindrop.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|12|Raindrop}}'''
|''"What if a rainstorm dropped all of its water in a single giant drop?"''
|The surrounding area would be obliterated and there would be mass confusion for many following years.
|{{blog|12|2012|09|18}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Laser Pointer.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|13|Laser Pointer}}'''
|''"If every person on Earth aimed a laser pointer at the Moon at the same time, would it change color?"''
|Not with regular lasers, but with more power, you could destroy the world.
|{{blog|13|2012|09|25}}
|{{book|1|7}}
|{{book|18|2024|11|05|JqFSGkFPipM|What if everyone pointed a laser at the moon?}}
|-
| rowspan="7" |[[File:Short Answer Section.png|100px]]
| rowspan="7" |'''{{what if|14|Short Answer Section}}'''
|''"How long would the Sun last if a giant water hose were focused upon it?"''
|The Sun would become a black hole with all the mass of the water.
| rowspan="7"{{blog|14|2012|10|02}}
| rowspan="7" |
| rowspan="7" |
|-
|''"What if you shined a flashlight (or a laser) into a sphere made of one-way mirror glass?"''
|One-way glass does not exist. The light shines through just like normal glass.
|-
|''"If Michael Phelps could hold his breath indefinitely, how long would it take for him to reach the lowest point in the ocean and back if he swam straight down and then straight back up?"''
|Michael Phelps would die somewhere between 100 and 400 meters of depth. If he was immune to pressure, then it would take 3 hours to swim to the bottom of the Marianas Trench and back.
|-
|''"In the first Superman movie, Superman flies around Earth so fast that it begins turning in the opposite direction. This somehow turns back time [... ] How much energy would someone flying around the Earth have to exert in order to reverse the Earth's rotation?"''
|Superman wasn't pushing the Earth. He was flying {{w|Superluminal motion|superluminally}} and was thus travelling back through time.
|-
|''"How fast would you have to go in your car to run a red light claiming that it appeared green to you due to the Doppler Effect?"''
|About one sixth of the {{w|speed of light}}.
|-
|''"What would happen if you opened a portal between Boston (sea level) and Mexico City (elev. 8000+ feet)?"''
|There would be winds of 440 mph (708 km/h) sucking Boston into Mexico City.
|-
|''"When my wife and I started dating she invited me over for dinner at one time. Her kitchen had something called Bauhaus chairs, which are full of holes, approx 5-6 millimeters in diameter in both back and seat. During this lovely dinner I was forced to liberate a small portion of wind and was relieved that I managed to do so very discretely. Only to find that the chair I sat on converted the successful silence into a perfect, and loud, flute note. We were both (luckily) amazed and surprised and I have often wondered what the odds are for something like that happening. We kept the chairs for five years but despite laborious attempts it couldn't be reproduced."''
|This... isn’t actually a question, but thank you for sharing!
|-
|[[File:Mariana Trench Explosion.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|15|Mariana Trench Explosion}}'''
|''"What if you exploded a nuclear bomb (say, the Tsar Bomba) at the bottom of the Marianas Trench?"''
|It would warm a small patch of the ocean and not do much. With a bigger bomb, it could destroy the world.
|{{blog|15|2012|10|09}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="6" |[[File:Today's topic- Lightning.png|100px]]
| rowspan="6" |'''{{what if|16|Today's topic: Lightning}}'''
|''"How dangerous is it to be in a pool during a thunderstorm?"''
|Pretty dangerous, as if the pool was hit, 20,000 amps of electricity from the lightning bolt would spread across the surface and shock you. Randall recommends that one should stay at least 12 meters away from a pool during a thunderstorm.
| rowspan="6"{{blog|16|2012|10|16}}
| rowspan="6"{{book|1|16|Lightning}}
| rowspan="6" |
|-
|''"What would happen if you were taking a shower or standing under a waterfall when you were struck by lightning?"''
|The droplets of water wouldn’t be dangerous, but a tub of water or any puddle you stand in ''will'' be dangerous.
|-
|''"What would happen if you were in a boat, plane or a submarine that got hit by lightning?"''
|A boat would be as safe as a car if it had a cabin and lightning protection, while a submarine would be completely safe. The plane was not mentioned.
|-
|''"What if you were changing the light at the top of a radio tower and lightning struck? Or what if you were doing a backflip? Or standing in a graphite field? Or looking straight up at the bolt?"''
|You would get shocked normally if you were on a radio tower, doing a backflip, or looking straight up. These all don’t matter much. Randall doesn’t know what a graphite field is and chose not to answer that part of the question.
|-
|''"What would happen if lightning struck a bullet in midair?"''
|The bullet might be heated a little bit, but it’s travelling to fast to have any impact.
|-
|''"What if you were flashing your BIOS during a thunderstorm and you got hit by lightning?"''
|It would bring you to “Microsoft BOB®”, “Gateway 2000 Edition”.
|-
|[[File:Green Cows.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|17|Green Cows}}'''
|''"If cows could photosynthesize, how much less food would they need?"''
|4% less. There just isn't enough area on the car.
|{{blog|17|2012|10|23}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:BB Gun.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|18|BB Gun}}'''
|''"In Armageddon, a NASA guy comments that a plan to shoot a laser at the asteroid is like “shooting a b.b. gun at a freight train.” What would it take to stop an out-of-control freight train using only b.b. guns?"''
|40,000 people and some magic. On the other hand, stopping an asteroid with a laser is a lot easier.
|{{blog|18|2012|10|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Tie Vote.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|19|Tie Vote}}'''
|''"What if there's LITERALLY a tie?"''
|In the case of each candidate getting the exact same amount of votes on Election Day, most states would randomly pick one, whether it be through tossing a coin, drawing a name or straws. The chances of this happening in 9 battleground states would be about equal to the elector drawing a name from a hat, then being smashed by a bale of cocaine by drug smugglers and obliterated by a meteorite impact while being swept away in a tornado.
|{{blog|19|2012|11|06}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Diamond.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|20|Diamond}}'''
|''"If a meteor made out of diamond and 100 feet in diameter was traveling at the speed of light and hit the earth, what would happen to it?"''
|Nothing made of matter can travel at the speed of light, but at the closest speed observed (99.99999999999999999999951% of the speed of light, the speed of the Oh My God Particle), the Earth would explode with enough force to obliterate the entire solar system.
|{{blog|20|2012|11|13}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Machine Gun Jetpack.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|21|Machine Gun Jetpack}}'''
|''"Is it possible to build a jetpack using downward firing machine guns?"''
|Yes, but you need to talk to the Russians to do it right.
|{{blog|21|2012|11|20}}
|{{book|1|14}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cost of Pennies.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|22|Cost of Pennies}}'''
|''"If you carry a penny in your coin tray, how long would it take for that penny to cost you more than a cent in extra gas?"''
|
|{{blog|22|2012|11|27}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="7" |[[File:Short Answer Section II.png|100px]]
| rowspan="7" |'''{{what if|23|Short Answer Section II}}'''
|''"If my printer could literally print out money, would it have that big an effect on the world?"''
| You'd make 200 million dollars a year, so no.
| rowspan="7"{{blog|23|2012|12|04}}
| rowspan="7"{{book|1|18|Short-Answer Section}}
| rowspan="7" |
|-
|''"What would happen if you exploded a nuclear bomb in the eye of a hurricane? Would the storm cell be immediately vaporized?"''
|
|-
|''"If everyone put little turbine generators on the downspouts of their houses and businesses, how much power would we generate? Would we ever generate enough power to offset the cost of the generators?"''
| If its super rainy, 800 watts, and no.
|-
|''"Using only pronounceable letter combinations, how long would names have to be to give each star in the universe a unique one word name?"''
| About 24 characters.
|-
|''"I bike to class sometimes. It's annoying biking in the wintertime, because it's so cold. How fast would I have to bike for my skin to warm up the way a spacecraft heats up during reentry?"''
| 200m/s
|-
|''"How much physical space does the internet take up?"''
| An oil tanker.
|-
|''"What if you strapped C4 to a boomerang? Could this be an effective weapon, or would it be as stupid as it sounds?"''
|
|-
|[[File:Model Rockets.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|24|Model Rockets}}'''
|''"How many model rocket engines would it take to launch a real rocket into space?"''
|About 65,000, give or take a few.
|{{blog|24|2012|12|11}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Three Wise Men.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|25|Three Wise Men}}'''
|''"The story of the three wise men got me wondering: What if you did walk towards a star at a fixed speed? What path would you trace on the Earth? Does it converge to a fixed cycle?"''
|No, but it does make some really cool patterns.
|{{blog|25|2012|12|18}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Leap Seconds.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|26|Leap Seconds}}'''
|''"Every now and then we have to insert a leap second because the Earth’s rotation is slowing down. Could we speed up Earth’s rotation, so that we do not need Leap Seconds?"''
|With 50 000 planets B-612 hitting the Earth each second and a few assumptions, we could stop worrying about leap seconds.
|{{blog|26|2012|12|31|6d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Death Rates.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|27|Death Rates}}'''
|''"If one randomly chosen extra person were to die each second somewhere on Earth, what impact would it have on the world population?"''
|Not much. The world just has too many people.
|{{blog|27|2013|01|08|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Steak Drop.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|28|Steak Drop}}'''
|''"From what height would you need to drop a steak for it to be cooked when it hit the ground?"''
|From the very edge of the atmosphere and even then it might not be fully cooked.
|{{blog|28|2013|01|15}}
|{{book|1|23}}
|
|-
|[[File:Spent Fuel Pool.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|29|Spent Fuel Pool}}'''
|''"What if I took a swim in a typical spent nuclear fuel pool? Would I need to dive to actually experience a fatal amount of radiation? How long could I stay safely at the surface?"''
|As long as you don't touch strange things and you don't swim too close to the fuel rods, it would be just like a regular pool. Except for the fact you would never make it to the pool.
|{{blog|29|2013|01|22}}
|{{book|1|3}}
|{{book|8|2024|04|02|EFRUL7vKdU8|What if you swam in a nuclear storage pool?}}
|-
|[[File:Interplanetary Cessna.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|30|Interplanetary Cessna}}'''
|''"What would happen if you tried to fly a normal Earth airplane above different Solar System bodies?"''
|It would be difficult to fly on Mars, so you would crash. The gas giants also have this problem, and you would freeze and tumble. Titan and Venus are the best bets, but Titan is cold and Venus is full of sulfuric acid.
|{{blog|30|2013|01|29}}
|{{book|1|30}}
|
|-
|[[File:FedEx Bandwidth.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|31|FedEx Bandwidth}}'''
|''"When - if ever - will the bandwidth of the Internet surpass that of FedEx?"''
|
|{{blog|31|2013|02|05}}
|{{book|1|44}}
|
|-
|[[File:Hubble.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|32|Hubble}}'''
|''"If the Hubble telescope were aimed at the Earth, how detailed would the images be?"''
|
|{{blog|32|2013|02|12}}
|
|{{book|1|2023|11|29|2LSyizrk8-0|What if we aimed the Hubble Telescope at Earth?}}
|-
|[[File:Ships.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|33|Ships}}'''
|''"How much would the sea level fall if every ship were removed all at once from the Earth's waters?"''
|Less than a human hair's width.
|{{blog|33|2013|02|19}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:what if? Twitter.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|34|Twitter}}'''
|''"How many unique English tweets are possible? How long would it take for the population of the world to read them all out loud?"''
|Forever, literally.
|{{blog|34|2013|02|26}}
|{{book|1|50}}
|
|-
|[[File:Hair Dryer.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|35|Hair Dryer}}'''
|''"What would happen if a hair dryer with continuous power was turned on and put in an airtight 1x1x1 meter box?"''
|The box would heat until the heat loss to the outside matches the maximum heat output of the hair dryer's wattage.
|{{blog|35|2013|03|05}}
|{{book|1|11}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cornstarch.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|36|Cornstarch}}'''
|''"How much cornstarch can I rinse down the drain before unpleasant things start to happen?"''
|
|{{blog|36|2013|03|12}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Supersonic Stereo.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|37|Supersonic Stereo}}'''
|''"What if you somehow managed to make a stereo travel at twice the speed of sound, would it sound backwards to someone who was just casually sitting somewhere as it flies by?"''
|Assuming the stereo is indestructible, yes.
|{{blog|37|2013|03|19}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:what if? Voyager.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|38|Voyager}}'''
|''"With today's technology, would it be possible to launch an unmanned mission to retrieve Voyager I?"''
|We could possibly spend a ton of money and resources to get a probe to Voyager. Getting it back is another story.
|{{blog|38|2013|03|26}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Hockey Puck.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|39|Hockey Puck}}'''
|''"How hard would a puck have to be shot to be able to knock the goalie himself backwards into the net?"''
|
|{{blog|39|2013|04|02}}
|{{book|1|24}}
|
|-
|[[File:Pressure Cooker.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|40|Pressure Cooker}}'''
|''"Am I right to be afraid of pressure cookers? What's the worst thing that can happen if you misuse a pressure cooker in an ordinary kitchen?"''
|The worst thing? Science.
|{{blog|40|2013|04|9}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Go West.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|41|Go West}}'''
|''"If everybody in the US drove west, could we temporarily halt continental drift?"''
|Not even by a bit.
|{{blog|41|2013|04|16}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Longest Sunset.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|42|Longest Sunset}}'''
|''"What is the longest possible sunset you can experience while driving, assuming we are obeying the speed limit and driving on paved roads?"''
|95 minutes at the right place at the right time.
|{{blog|42|201304|23}}
|{{book|1|52}}
|
|-
|[[File:Train Loop.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|43|Train Loop}}'''
|''"Could a high-speed train run through a vertical loop, like a rollercoaster, with the passengers staying comfortable?"''
|No, not even if we change the requirements to just the passengers staying alive.
|{{blog|43|2013|04|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:High Throw.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|44|High Throw}}'''
|''"How high can a human throw something?"''
|
|{{blog|44|2013|05|07}}
|{{book|1|38}}
|
|-
|[[File:ISS Music Video.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|45|ISS Music Video}}'''
|''"Is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaOC9danxNo '''this'''] the most expensive music video ever?"''
|
|{{blog|45|2013|05|14}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Bowling Ball.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|46|Bowling Ball}}'''
|''"I've been told that if the Earth were shrunk down to the size of a bowling ball, it would be smoother than said bowling ball. My question is, what would a bowling ball look like if it were blown up to the size of the Earth?"''
|The finger holes would collapse and then not much would happen.
|{{blog|46|2013|05|21}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Alien Astronomers.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|47|Alien Astronomers}}'''
|''"Let's assume there's life on the the nearest habitable exoplanet and that they have technology comparable to ours. If they looked at our star right now, what would they see?"''
|They would see pretty much nothing with regular telescopes. The detection could be possible with radio technology.
|{{blog|47|2013|05|28}}
|{{book|1|28}}
|
|-
|[[File:Sunset on the British Empire.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|48|Sunset on the British Empire}}'''
|''"When (if ever) did the Sun finally set on the British Empire?"''
|It hasn't set and won’t ever set for thousands of years. Except starting from Friday, 21st of March, 2025 at 02:50 UTC, with the handing over of the {{w|Chagos Island}} to {{w|Mauritius}}.
|{{blog|48|2013|06|04}}
|{{book|1|60}}
|
|-
|[[File:Sunless Earth.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|49|Sunless Earth}}'''
|''"What would happen to the Earth if the Sun suddenly switched off?"''
|We would see a variety of benefits across our lives but we would also freeze and die.
|{{blog|49|2013|06|11}}
|{{book|1|57}}
|
|-
|[[File:Extreme Boating.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|50|Extreme Boating}}'''
|''"What would it be like to navigate a rowboat through a lake of mercury? What about bromine? Liquid gallium? Liquid tungsten? Liquid nitrogen? Liquid helium?"''
|
|{{blog|50|2013|06|18}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Free Fall.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|51|Free Fall}}'''
|''"What place on Earth would allow you to freefall the longest by jumping off it? What about using a squirrel suit?"''
|
|{{blog|51|2013|06|25}}
|{{book|1|45}}
|
|-
|[[File:Bouncy Balls.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|52|Bouncy Balls}}'''
|''"What if one were to drop 3,000 bouncy balls from a seven story parking structure onto a person walking on the sidewalk below? Should the person survive, what would be the number of bouncy balls needed to kill them? What injuries would occur and what would the associated crimes be?"''
|Around 3,000,000 balls. Death would occur and you would be charged with manslaughter or murder.
|{{blog|52|2013|07|02}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Drain the Oceans.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|53|Drain the Oceans}}'''
|''"How quickly would the ocean's drain if a circular portal 10 meters in radius leading into space was created at the bottom of Challenger Deep, the deepest spot in the ocean? How would the Earth change as the water is being drained?"''
|
|{{blog|53|2013|07|09}}
|{{book|1|48}}
|{{book|12|2024|06|18|Jpy55EgMQgY|What if you drained the oceans?}}
|-
|[[File:Drain the Oceans Part II.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|54|Drain the Oceans: Part II}}'''
|''"Supposing you did '''{{what if|53|Drain the Oceans}}''', and dumped the water on top of the Curiosity rover, how would Mars change as the water accumulated?"''
|
|{{blog|54|2013|07|16}}
|{{book|1|49}}
|{{book|14|2024|08|13|FkUNHhVbQ1Q|What if we teleported the oceans to Mars?}}
|-
|[[File:Random Sneeze Call.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|55|Random Sneeze Call}}'''
|''"If you call a random phone number and say “God bless you”, what are the chances that the person who answers just sneezed? On average, not just in spring or fall."''
|The chances are 1 in 40000.
|{{blog|55|2013|07|23}}
|{{book|1|53}}
|
|-
|[[File:Restraining an Airplane.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|56|Restraining an Airplane}}'''
|''"If you wanted to anchor an airplane into the ground so it wouldn't be able to take off, what would the rope have to be made out of?"''
|
|{{blog|56|2013|07|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Dropping a Mountain.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|57|Dropping a Mountain}}'''
|''"What if a huge mountain—Denali, say—had the bottom inch of its base disappear? What would happen from the impact of the mountain falling 1 inch? What about 1 foot? What if the mountain's base were raised to the present height of the summit, and then the whole thing were allowed to drop to the earth?"''
|The first scenarios are pretty boring. the last is devastating.
|{{blog|57|2013|08|06}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="3" |[[File:Orbital Speed.png|100px]]
| rowspan="3" |'''{{what if|58|Orbital Speed}}'''
|''"What if a spacecraft slowed down on re-entry to just a few miles per hour using rocket boosters like the Mars-sky-crane? Would it negate the need for a heat shield?"''
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3"{{blog|58|2013|08|12|1d early}}
| rowspan="3"{{book|1|43}}
| rowspan="3" |
|-
|''"Is it possible for a spacecraft to control its reentry in such a way that it avoids the atmospheric compression and thus would not require the expensive (and relatively fragile) heat shield on the outside?"''
|-
|''"Could a (small) rocket (with payload) be lifted to a high point in the atmosphere where it would only need a small rocket to get to escape velocity?"''
|-
|[[File:Updating a Printed Wikipedia.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|59|Updating a Printed Wikipedia}}'''
|''"If you had a printed version of the whole of (say, the English) Wikipedia, how many printers would you need in order to keep up with the changes made to the live version?"''
|6, but they would cost much more than you could afford and filing would be a nightmare.
|{{blog|59|2013|08|20|1d late}}
|{{book|1|34}}
|{{book|13|2024|7|9|RgBYohJ7mIk|What if you tried to print Wikipedia?}}
|-
|[[File:Signs of Life.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|60|Signs of Life}}'''
|''"If you could teleport to a random place of the surface of the Earth, what are the odds that you'll see signs of intelligent life?"''
|70% of the time you would end up in the ocean.
|{{blog|60|2013|08|27}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Speed Bump.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|61|Speed Bump}}'''
|''"How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live?"''
|Surprisingly fast, but beware destroying the city, and fines.
|{{blog|61|2013|09|03}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Falling With Helium.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|62|Falling With Helium}}'''
|''"What if I jumped out of an airplane with a couple of tanks of helium and one huge, un-inflated balloon? Then, while falling, I release the helium and fill the balloon. How long of a fall would I need in order for the balloon to slow me enough that I could land safely?"''
|2500 cubic feet.
|{{blog|62|2013|09|10}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Google's Datacenters on Punch Cards.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|63|Google's Datacenters on Punch Cards}}'''
|''"If all digital data were stored on punch cards, how big would Google's data warehouse be?"''
|Big enough to bury the world many times.
|{{blog|63|2013|09|17}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Rising Steadily.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|64|Rising Steadily}}'''
|''"If you suddenly began rising steadily at one foot per second, how exactly would you die? Would you freeze or suffocate first? Or something else?"''
|Assuming you had a good coat, you would survive to the death zone and die.
|{{blog|64|2013|09|24}}
|{{book|1|15}}
|
|-
|[[File:Twitter Timeline Height.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|65|Twitter Timeline Height}}'''
|''"If our Twitter timelines (tweets by the people we follow) actually extended off the screen in both directions, how tall would they be?"''
|
|{{blog|65|2013|10|01}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:500 MPH.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|66|500 MPH}}'''
|''"If winds reached 500 mph, would it pick up a human?"''
|
|{{blog|66|2013|10|08}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Expanding Earth.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|67|Expanding Earth}}'''
|''"How long would it take for people to notice their weight gain if the mean radius of the world expanded by 1cm every second? (Assuming the average composition of rock were maintained.)"''
|10 years, give or take.
|{{blog|67|2013|10|15}}
|{{book|1|55}}
|{{book|17|2024|10|15|-1-ldW4kpLM|What if Earth grew 1cm every second?}}
|-
|[[File:Little Planet.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|68|Little Planet}}'''
|''"If an asteroid was very small but supermassive, could you really live on it like the Little Prince?"''
|Yes, but it would be very inconvenient.
|{{blog|68|2013|10|22}}
|{{book|1|21}}
|
|-
|[[File:Facebook of the Dead.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|69|Facebook of the Dead}}'''
|''"When, if ever, will Facebook contain more profiles of dead people than of living ones?"''
|A decade or a century, depending if Facebook would still be popular.
|{{blog|69|2013|10|29}}
|{{book|1|59}}
|
|-
|[[File:The Constant Groundskeeper.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|70|The Constant Groundskeeper}}'''
|''"How big of a lawn would you have to have so that when you finished mowing you'd need to start over because the grass has grown?"''
|
|{{blog|70|2013|11|05}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Stirring Tea.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|71|Stirring Tea}}'''
|''"I was absentmindedly stirring a cup of hot tea, when I got to thinking, "aren't I actually adding kinetic energy into this cup?" I know that stirring does help to cool down the tea, but what if I were to stir it faster? Would I be able to boil a cup of water by stirring?"''
|
|{{blog|71|2013|11|12}}
|{{book|1|61}}
|
|-
|[[File:Loneliest Human.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|72|Loneliest Human}}'''
|''"What is the furthest one human being has ever been from every other living person? Were they lonely?"''
|Possibly the Apollo Astronauts but they definitely weren't lonely.
|{{blog|72|2013|11|19}}
|{{book|1|63}}
|
|-
|[[File:Lethal Neutrinos.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|73|Lethal Neutrinos}}'''
|''"How close would you have to be to a supernova to get a lethal dose of neutrino radiation?"''
|About 2.3 AU.
|{{blog|73|2013|11|26}}
|{{book|1|39}}
|
|-
|[[File:Soda Planet.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|74|Soda Planet}}'''
|''"How much of the Earth's currently-existing water has ever been turned into a soft drink at some point in its history?"''
|0.0000005%.
|{{blog|74|2013|12|03}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Phone Keypad.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|75|Phone Keypad}}'''
|''"I use one of those old phones where you type with numbers—for example, to type "Y", you press 9 three times. Some words have consecutive letters on the same number. When they do, you have to pause between letters, making those words annoying to type. What English word has the most consecutive letters on the same key?"''
|Nonmonogamous
|{{blog|75|2013|12|10}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Reading Every Book.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|76|Reading Every Book}}'''
|''"At what point in human history were there too many (English) books to be able to read them all in one lifetime?"''
|Depends, as many were burned.
|{{blog|76|2013|12|17}}
|{{book|2|10}}
|
|-
|[[File:Growth Rate.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|77|Growth Rate}}'''
|''"What height would humans reach if we kept growing through our whole development period (i.e. till late teens/early twenties) at the same pace as we do during our first month?"''
|10 to 12 meters.
|{{blog|77|2013|12|31|7d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:T-rex Calories.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|78|T-rex Calories}}'''
|''"If a T-rex were released in New York City, how many humans/day would it need to consume to get its needed calorie intake?"''
|One large-sized one or two small|sized ones per day.
|{{blog|78|2014|01|07}}
|{{book|2|7}}
|
|-
|[[File:Lake Tea.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|79|Lake Tea}}'''
|''"What if we were to dump all the tea in the world into the Great Lakes? How strong, compared to a regular cup of tea, would the lake tea be?"''
|Not strong enough to make a difference.
|{{blog|79|2014|01|14}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Pile of Viruses.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|80|Pile of Viruses}}'''
|''"What if every virus in the world were collected into one area? How much volume would they take up and what would they look like?"''
|
|{{blog|80|2014|01|21}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Catch!.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|81|Catch!}}'''
|''"Is there any way to fire a gun so that the bullet flies through the air and can then be safely caught by hand? e.g. shooter is at sea level and catcher is up a mountain at the extreme range of the gun."''
|
|{{blog|81|2014|01|28}}
|{{book|2|12}}
|
|-
|[[File:Hitting a comet.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|82|Hitting a comet}}'''
|''"Astrophysicists are always saying things like "This mission to this comet is equivalent to throwing a baseball from New York and hitting a particular window in San Francisco." Are they really equivalent?"''
|The baseball is much harder.
|{{blog|82|2014|02|05|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Star Sand.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|83|Star Sand}}'''
|''"If you made a beach using grains the proportionate size of the stars in the Milky Way, what would that beach look like?"''
|It would be a bunch of boulders with some patches of sand.
|{{blog|83|2014|02|11|1d early}}
|{{book|2|16}}
|
|-
|[[File:Paint the Earth.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|84|Paint the Earth}}'''
|''"Has humanity produced enough paint to cover the entire land area of the Earth?"''
|So close!!! But no, only about as much as the land area of Russia.
|{{blog|84|2014|02|18}}
|{{book|2|14}}
|
|-
|[[File:Rocket Golf.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|85|Rocket Golf}}'''
|''"Assuming that you have a spaceship in orbit around the Earth, could you propel your ship to speeds exceeding escape velocity by hitting golf balls in the other direction? If so, how many golf balls would be required to reach the Moon?"''
|If you cheat, a bag a little smaller than the Moon.
|{{blog|85|2014|02|25}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Far-Traveling Objects.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|86|Far-Traveling Objects}}'''
|''"In terms of human-made objects, has Voyager 1 travelled the farthest distance? It's certainly the farthest from Earth we know about. But what about the edge of ultracentrifuges, or generator turbines that have been running for years, for example?"''
|The Mariner 1 has traveled much farther than Voyager 1.
|{{blog|86|2014|03|04}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Enforced by Radar.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|87|Enforced by Radar}}'''
|''"I've occasionally seen "radar enforced" on speed limit signs, and I can't help but ask: How intense would radio waves have to be to stop a car from going over the speed limit, and what would happen if this were attempted?"''
|Intense enough to cause a medium sized nuclear explosion. Better to just carry a sign.
|{{blog|87|2014|03|11}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Soda Sequestration.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|88|Soda Sequestration}}'''
|''"How much CO2 is contained in the world's stock of bottled fizzy drinks? How much soda would be needed to bring atmospheric CO2 back to preindustrial levels?"''
|Enough soda to cover Earth with ten layers of cans.
|{{blog|88|2014|03|18}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Tungsten Countertop.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|89|Tungsten Countertop}}'''
|''"How far would a tungsten countertop descend if I dropped it into the Sun?"''
|It would be vapourized before it got close to the Sun.
|{{blog|89|2014|03|25}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Great Tree, Great Axe.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|90|Great Tree, Great Axe}}'''
|''"If all the seas were one sea,''
''What a great sea that would be!''
''If all the trees were one tree,''
''What a great tree that would be!''
''If all the men were one man,''
''What a great man that would be!''
''If all the axes were one axe,''
''What a great axe that would be!''
''And if the great man took the great axe,''
''And cut down the great tree,''
''And let if fall into the great sea,''
''What a great splish-splash that would be!''

''... How great would all of these things be?"''
|
|{{blog|90|2014|04|03|2d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Faucet Power.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|91|Faucet Power}}'''
|''"I just moved into a new apartment. It includes hot water but I have to pay the electric bill. So being a person on a budget ... what's the best way to use my free faucet to generate electricity?"''
|
|{{blog|91|2014|04|08|2d early}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:One-Second Day.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|92|One-Second Day}}'''
|''"What would happen if the Earth's rotation were sped up until a day only lasted one second?"''
|Everything on Earth would die, but if it happened when the Moon crosses the plane of the Earth, then everything in the Solar System will die (whether there is a difference is debatable).
|{{blog|92|2014|04|15}}
|{{book|2|21}}
|
|-
|[[File:Windshield Raindrops.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|93|Windshield Raindrops}}'''
|''"At what speed would you have to drive for rain to shatter your windshield?"''
|Fast enough so you would need a speedometer in scientific notation.
|{{blog|93|2014|04|22}}
|{{book|1|65}}
|
|-
|[[File:Billion-Story Building.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|94|Billion-Story Building}}'''
|''"My daughter — age 4.5 — maintains she wants a billion-story building. It turns out not only is that hard to help her appreciate this size, I am not at all able to explain all of the other difficulties you'd have to overcome."''
|First of all, it would not stand under its own weight. Also, it would be many times the distance the Earth is from the Moon.
|{{blog|94|2014|04|29}}
|{{book|2|22}}
|
|-
|[[File:Pyramid Energy.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|95|Pyramid Energy}}'''
|''"What took more energy, the building of the Great Pyramid of Giza or the Apollo Mission? If we could convert the energy to build the Great Pyramid, would it be enough to send a rocket to the Moon and back?"''
|
|{{blog|95|2014|05|06}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:$2 Undecillion Lawsuit.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|96|$2 Undecillion Lawsuit}}'''
|''"What if Au Bon Pain lost '''[http://www.loweringthebar.net/2014/05/2-undecillion-dollar-demand.html this lawsuit]''' and had to pay the plaintiff $2 undecillion?"''
|They would not be able to pay off the debt, even if they forced humanity to work as slaves from now until the stars die.
|{{blog|96|2014|05|14|1d late}}
|{{book|2|23}}
|
|-
|[[File:Burning Pollen.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|97|Burning Pollen}}'''
|''"What if you were to somehow ignite the pollen that floats around in the air in spring? Other than being a really bad idea, what effect would it have?"''
|It would just warm up the air by a bit.
|{{blog|97|2014|05|20|1d early}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Blood Alcohol.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|98|Blood Alcohol}}'''
|''"Could you get drunk from drinking a drunk person's blood?"''
|
|{{blog|98|2014|05|27}}
|{{book|2|42}}
|
|-
|[[File:Starlings.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|99|Starlings}}'''
|''"I was watching '''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eakKfY5aHmY this video]''' and was wondering: How many birds there would need to be for gravity to take over and force them into a gargantuan ball of birds?"''
|Enough to make a black hole
|{{blog|99|2014|06|03}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:WWII Films.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|100|WWII Films}}'''
|''"Did WWII last longer than the total length of movies about WWII? For that matter, which war has the highest movie time:war time ratio?"''
|
|{{blog|100|2014|06|11|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Plastic Dinosaurs.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|101|Plastic Dinosaurs}}'''
|''"As plastic is made from oil and oil is made from dead dinosaurs, how much actual real dinosaur is there in a plastic dinosaur?"''
|
|{{blog|101|2014|06|18}}
|{{book|2|26}}
|
|-
|[[File:Keyboard Power.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|102|Keyboard Power}}'''
|''"As a writer, I'm wondering what would be the cumulative energy of the hundreds of thousands of keystrokes required to write a novel."''
|Less than enough energy to microwave a burrito.
|{{blog|102|2014|06|25}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Vanishing Water.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|103|Vanishing Water}}'''
|''"What would happen if all the bodies of water on Earth magically disappeared?"''
|
|{{blog|103|2014|07|02}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Global Snow.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|104|Global Snow}}'''
|''"From my seven-year-old son: How many snowflakes would it take to cover the entire world in six feet of snow? (I don't know why six feet...but that's what he asked.)"''
|
|{{blog|104|2014|07|09}}
|{{book|2|59}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cannibalism.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|105|Cannibalism}}'''
|''"How long could the human race survive on only cannibalism?"''
|Depends, if you’re the only one trying out this new diet, maybe a week before you get caught. If the entire world brooms in, about 32 months.
|{{blog|105|2014|07|16}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Ink Molecules.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|106|Ink Molecules}}'''
|''"Suppose you were to print, in 12 point text, the numeral 1 using a common cheap ink-jet printer. How many molecules of the ink would be used? At what numerical value would the number printed approximately equal the number of ink molecules used?"''
|An 18 digit number.
|{{blog|106|2014|07|23}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Letter to Mom.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|107|Letter to Mom}}'''
|''"What’s the fastest way to get a hand-written letter from my place in Chicago to my mother in New Jersey?"''
|Missiles, obviously.
|{{blog|107|2014|07|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Expensive Shoebox.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|108|Expensive Shoebox}}'''
|''"What would be the most expensive way to fill a size 11 shoebox (e.g. with 64 GB MicroSD cards all full of legally purchased music)?"''
|There are many options (precious materials, hard drugs, physical file storage, etc.), but they all cap out at ~$2,000,000,000.
|{{blog|108|2014|08|13|7d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Into the Blue.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|109|Into the Blue}}'''
|''"If I shot an infinitely strong laser beam into the sky at a random point, how much damage would it do?"''
|Most of the time it would not hit anything.
|{{blog|109|2014|08|20}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Walking New York.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|110|Walking New York}}'''
|''"Could a person walk the entire city of NY in their lifetime? (including inside apartments)"''
|
|{{blog|110|2014|08|27}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:All the Money.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|111|All the Money}}'''
|''"People sometimes say "If I had all the money in the world ..." in order to discuss what they would do if they had no financial constraints. I'm curious, though, what would happen if one person had all of the world's money?"''
|The only thing to do would be to make a swimming pool, as it is unlikely anybody else would agree with your claims to all the money and property.
|{{blog|111|2014|09|02|1d early}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Balloon Car.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|112|Balloon Car}}'''
|''"My 12-year-old daughter is proposing an interesting project. She is planning to attach a number of helium balloons to a chair, which in turn would be tethered by means of a rope to a Ferrari. Her 13-year-old friend would then drive the Ferrari around, while she sits in the chair enjoying uninterrupted views of the countryside. Leaving aside the legal and insurance difficulties, my daughter is keen to know the maximum speed that she could expect to attain, and how many helium balloons would be required."''
|A balloon just big enough to lift you would be pushed down by the wind, and a balloon big enough to counteract that would lift up the car along with you. The way to achieve this result is [https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=parasailing parasailing].
|{{blog|112|2014|09|17|8d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Visit Every State.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|113|Visit Every State}}'''
|''"How fast could you visit all 50 states?"''
|In just over 6 hours, in 5 satellite orbits.
|{{blog|113|2014|09|24}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Antimatter.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|114|Antimatter}}'''
|''"What if everything was antimatter, EXCEPT Earth?"''
|Our existence would end, but much slower than in most other situations, from outer-space gas and meteorites.
|{{blog|114|2014|10|01}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Into the Sun.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|115|Into the Sun}}'''
|''"When I was about 8 years old, shoveling snow on a freezing day in Colorado, I wished that I could be instantly transported to the surface of the Sun, just for a nanosecond, then instantly transported back. I figured this would be long enough to warm me up but not long enough to harm me. What would actually happen?"''
|You would not be warmed if you went to the surface. The core, on the other hand, would vaporize you.
|{{blog|115|2014|10|08}}
|{{book|2|61}}
|{{book|15|2024|09|03|UXA-Af-JeCE|Could you survive a nanosecond on the Sun?}}
|-
|[[File:No-Rules NASCAR.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|116|No-Rules NASCAR}}'''
|''"If you stripped away all the rules of car racing and had a contest which was simply to get a human being around a track 200 times as fast as possible, what strategy would win? Let's say the racer has to survive."''
|If the rider has to survive, 90 minutes is the limit based on human G-force tolerances. If survival is not a priority, you have built a particle accelerator.
|{{blog|116|2014|10|15}}
|{{book|2|35}}
|{{book|3|2023|12|19|JcXpCyPc2Xw|What if NASCAR had no rules?}}
|-
|[[File:Distant Death.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|117|Distant Death}}'''
|''"What is the farthest from Earth that any Earth thing has died?"''
|The farthest that any human has died is about 167 kilometers. In terms of any living thing, however, bacterial spores on Voyager 1 are dying every few months, setting a new record each time.
|{{blog|117|2014|10|23|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Physical Salary.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|118|Physical Salary}}'''
|''"What if people's incomes appeared around them as cash in real time? How much would you need to make to be in real trouble?"''
|A normal person would not get buried. A CEO, on the other hand, would be in trouble.
|{{blog|118|2014|10|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Laser Umbrella.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|119|Laser Umbrella}}'''
|''"Stopping rain from falling on something with an umbrella or a tent is boring. What if you tried to stop rain with a laser that targeted and vaporized each incoming droplet before it could come within ten feet of the ground?"''
|It would be very complicated, not worth it, and would probably catch everything around you on fire.
|{{blog|119|2014|11|13|7d late}}
|
|{{book|6|2024|02|20|zgBTwtg7H8E|Could you make an umbrella out of lasers?}}
|-
|[[File:Alternate Universe What Ifs.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|120|Alternate Universe What Ifs}}'''
|''"Dispatches from a horrifying alternate universe"''
|
|{{blog|120|2014|11|20}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Frozen Rivers.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|121|Frozen Rivers}}'''
|''"What would happen if all of the rivers in the US were instantly frozen in the middle of the summer?"''
|Every river in the US would flood, but we'd probably be fine.
|{{blog|121|2014|12|11}} 14d late)
|
|
|-
|[[File:Lava Lamp.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|122|Lava Lamp}}'''
|''"What if I made a lava lamp out of real lava? What could I use as a clear medium? How close could I stand to watch it?"''
|It would be too bright to watch and it would turn into rock quickly.
|{{blog|122|2014|12|18}}
|{{book|2|40}}
|
|-
|[[File:Fairy Demographics.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|123|Fairy Demographics}}'''
|''"How many fairies would fly around, if each fairy is born from the first laugh of a child and fairies were immortal?"''
|They would have the same birth rate as humans, and they would become a major part of the ecosystem.
|{{blog|123|2015|01|01|7d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Lunar Swimming.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|124|Lunar Swimming}}'''
|''"What if there was a lake on the Moon? What would it be like to swim in it? Presuming that it is sheltered in a regular atmosphere, in some giant dome or something."''
|It would be super-cool, given that lower gravity would increase the size of splashes and the height of jumps.
|{{blog|124|2015|01|08}}
|
|{{book|20|2024|12|24|aIIBBj6KR-Y|What if we put a pool on the moon?}}
|-
|[[File:Bowling Ball 2.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|125|Bowling Ball}}'''
|''"You are in a boat directly over the Mariana Trench. If you drop a 7kg bowling ball over the side, how long would it take to hit the bottom?"''
|Two hours and 20 minutes.
|{{blog|125|2015|01|15}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Stairs (What If?).png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|126|Stairs}}'''

|''"If you made an elevator that would go to space (like the one you mentioned in the '''{{what if|94|billion-story building}}''') and built a staircase up (assuming regulated air pressure) about how long would it take to climb to the top?"''
|A week or two.
|{{blog|126|2015|01|22}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Tug of War.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|127|Tug of War}}'''
|''"Would it be possible for two teams in a tug-o-war to overcome the ultimate tensile strength of an iron rod and pull it apart? How big would the teams have to be?"''
|Not too big.
|{{blog|127|2015|01|28|1d early}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Zippo Phone.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|128|Zippo Phone}}'''
|''"What in my pocket actually contains more energy, my Zippo or my smartphone? What would be the best way of getting the energy from one to the other? And since I am already feeling like Bilbo in this one, is there anything else in my pocket that would have unexpected amounts of stored energy?"''
|The Zippo has more energy than your phone, but your hand would have even more.
|{{blog|128|2015|02|05|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Black Hole Moon.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|129|Black Hole Moon}}'''
|''"What would happen if the Moon were replaced with an equivalently-massed black hole? If it's possible, what would a lunar ("holar"?) eclipse look like?"''
|It would not have a big impact unless it happened during the space age.
|{{blog|129|2015|02|12}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Snow Removal.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|130|Snow Removal}}'''
|''"I've long thought about putting a flamethrower on the front of a car to melt snow and ice before you drive across it. Now I've realized that a flamethrower is impractical, but what about a high-powered microwave emitter?"''
|
|{{blog|130|2015|02|19}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Microwaves.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|131|Microwaves}}'''
|''"I have had a particular problem for as long as I can remember. Any time I attempt to heat left over Chinese food in a microwave, it fails to heat completely through somewhere. Usually the center but not always and usually rice, but often it will be a small section of meat. It's baffling and has made me automatically adjust heating times to over 2 minutes. In most cases this tends to heat the bowl or plate more than the food. So I suppose the question is what is the optimal time to heat left over Chinese food in the microwave, how about an 800 watt microwave?"''
|
|{{blog|131|2015|02|27|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Hotter than Average.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|132|Hotter than Average}}'''
|''"I saw a sign at a hot springs tub saying "Caution: Water is hotter than average" with water at about 39°C. Although they were presumably trying to say "hotter than the average swimming pool," this got me wondering: What is the average temperature of all water on the Earth’s surface, and how does that temperature compare to 39°C?"''
|There is a water average. Give the signmakers some credit.
|{{blog|132|2015|03|07|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Flagpole.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|133|Flagpole}}'''
|''"So, you're falling from a height above the tallest building in your town, and you don't have a parachute. But wait! Partway down the side of that skyscraper there's a flagpole sticking out, sans flag! You angle your descent and grab the pole just long enough to swing around so that when you let go you're now heading back up toward the sky. As gravity slows you and brings you to a halt, you reach the top of the skyscraper, where you reach out and pull yourself to safety. What's the likelihood this could happen?"''
|
|{{blog|133|2015|03|17|3d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Space Burial.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|134|Space Burial}}'''
|''"I've often joked I'd like to have my remains put into orbit. Not in a "scatter my ashes" sense, but, like, "throw my naked corpse out the airlock" sense. Honestly, my main motivation is to baffle someone in the distant future, but it's an interesting scientific question: what would happen to my body in orbit over the course of years, decades or centuries?"''
|
|{{blog|134|2015|03|28|4d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Digging Downward.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|135|Digging Downward}}'''
|''"What would happen if I dug straight down, at a speed of 1 foot per second? What would kill me first?"''
|Magic, because science just works like that.
|{{blog|135|2015|04|05|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Spiders vs. the Sun.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|136|Spiders vs. the Sun}}'''
|''"Which has a greater gravitational pull on me: the Sun, or spiders? Granted, the Sun is much bigger, but it is also much further away, and as I learned in high school physics, the gravitational force is proportional to the square of the distance."''
|The Sun. But spiders are a lot more scary.
|{{blog|136|2015|04|12}}
|{{book|2|44}}
|
|-
|[[File:New Horizons.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|137|New Horizons}}'''
|''"What if New Horizons hits my car?"''
|
|{{blog|137|2015|07|14|2m 25d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Jupiter Submarine.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|138|Jupiter Submarine}}'''
|''"What if you released a submarine into Jupiter's atmosphere? Would it eventually reach a point where it would float? Could it navigate?"''
|
|{{blog|138|2015|07|28|7d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Jupiter Descending.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|139|Jupiter Descending}}'''
|''"If you did '''{{what if|138|fall into Jupiter's atmosphere in a submarine}}''', what would it actually look like? What would you see before you melted or burned up?"''
|You would see...brown.
|{{blog|139|2015|08|04}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Proton Earth, Electron Moon.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|140|Proton Earth, Electron Moon}}'''
|''"What if the Earth were made entirely of protons, and the Moon were made entirely of electrons?"''
|
|{{blog|140|2015|09|18|1m 7d late}}
|{{book|2|48}}
|
|-
|[[File:Sunbeam.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|141|Sunbeam}}'''
|''"What if all of the sun's output of visible light were bundled up into a laser-like beam that had a diameter of around 1m once it reaches Earth?"''
|
|{{blog|141|2016|01|12|3m 18d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Space Jetta.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|142|Space Jetta}}'''
|''"What if I tried to re-enter the atmosphere in my car? (a 2000 VW Jetta TDI). Would it do more environmental damage than it is already apparently doing?"''
|Actually, it would be more clean than it is currently!
|{{blog|142|2016|01|20|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Europa Water Siphon.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|143|Europa Water Siphon}}'''
|''"What if you built a siphon from the oceans on Europa to Earth? Would it flow once it's set up? (We have an idea for selling bottled Europa water.)"''
|No, at least not with a siphon.
|{{blog|143|2016|01|26|1d early}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Saliva Pool.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|144|Saliva Pool}}'''
|''"How long would it take for a single person to fill up an entire swimming pool with their own saliva?"''
|It would take them 8345 years.
|{{blog|144|2016|02|02}}
|{{book|2|53}}
|
|-
|[[File:Fire From Moonlight.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|145|Fire From Moonlight}}'''
|''"Can you use a magnifying glass and moonlight to light a fire?"''
|
|{{blog|145|2016|02|09}}
|{{book|2|51}}
|
|-
|[[File:Stop Jupiter.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|146|Stop Jupiter}}'''
|''"I understand that the'' New Horizons ''craft used gravity assist from Jupiter to increase its speed on the way to Pluto. I also understand that by doing this, Jupiter slowed down very slightly. How many flyby runs would it take to stop Jupiter completely?"''
|This can never happen, even if we were to throw Earth at Jupiter.
|{{blog|146|2016|02|16}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Niagara Straw.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|147|Niagara Straw}}'''
|''"What would happen if one tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a straw?"''
|The International Niagara Committee, the International Niagara Board of Control, the International Joint Commission, the International Niagara Board Working Committee, and probably the Great Lakes–St. Lawrence River Adaptive Management Committee would get angry. The Earth would also be destroyed.
|{{blog|147|2016|02|26}} 3d late)
|{{book|2|55}}
|
|-
|[[File:Eat the Sun.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|148|Eat the Sun}}'''
|''"What percentage of the Sun's heat (per day) does the population of Earth eat in calories per year? What changes could be made to our diets for the amount of calories to equal the energy of the Sun?"''
|
|{{blog|148|2016|03|12|8d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Pizza Bird.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|149|Pizza Bird}}'''
|''"My boyfriend recently took a flight on a plane with wifi, and while he was up there, wistfully asked if I could send him a pizza. I jokingly sent him a photo of a parrot holding a pizza slice in its beak. Obviously, my boyfriend had to go without pizza until he landed at JFK. But this raised the question: could a bird deliver a standard 20" New York-style cheese pizza in a box? And if so, what kind of bird would it take?"''
|
|{{blog|149|2016|03|26|7d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Tatooine Rainbow.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|150|Tatooine Rainbow}}'''
|''"Since rainbows are caused by the refraction of the sunlight by tiny droplets of rainwater, what would rainbow look like on Earth if we had two suns like Tatooine?"''
|
|{{blog|150|2016|05|23|1m 21d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Sun Bug.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|151|Sun Bug}}'''
|''"How many fireflies would it take to match the brightness of the Sun?"''
|
|{{blog|151|2016|07|21|1m 23d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Flood Death Valley.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|152|Flood Death Valley}}'''
|''"Since Death Valley is below sea level could we dig a hole to the ocean and fill it up with water?"''
|
|{{blog|152|2016|10|18|2m 21d late}}
|
|
|-
|''This blog article has been deleted.''
|'''[https://web.archive.org/web/20161205191559/http://what-if.xkcd.com/153 Peptides]'''
|''"What is the longest English word you can spell using the one letter abbreviations of the 20 genetic amino acids? What about the three letter abbreviations? What would the resultant peptides look like?"''
|
|Blog article 153 published by accident and deleted. [[what if? (blog)#top|Learn more]]
|
|
|-
|[[File:Hide the Atmosphere.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|153|Hide the Atmosphere}}'''
|''"Earth’s atmosphere is really thin compared to the radius of the Earth. How big a hole do I need to dig before people suffocate?"''
|The hole would need to be very big. Under the right circumstances, a five-mile hole over the entire state of Texas might suffice.
|{{blog|153|2017|01|30|3m 5d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Coast-to-Coast Coasting.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|154|Coast-to-Coast Coasting}}'''
|''"What if the entire continental US was on a decreasing slope from West to East. How steep would the slope have to be to sustain the momentum needed to ride a bicycle the entire distance without pedaling?"''
|It turns out the ramp would need to be five miles high (eight kilometres) to make this possible, and that would be at a speed slower than walking. You would also need oxygen for the first third of the way down.
|{{blog|154|2017|02|08|9d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Toaster vs. Freezer.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|155|Toaster vs. Freezer}}'''
|''"Would a toaster still work in a freezer?"''
|
|{{blog|155|2017|02|28|13d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Electrofishing for Whales.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|156|Electrofishing for Whales}}'''
|''"I used to work on a fisheries crew where we would use an electro-fisher backpack to momentarily stun small fish (30 - 100 mm length) so we could scoop them up with nets to identify and measure them. The larger fish tended to be stunned for slightly longer because of their larger surface area but I don't imagine this relationship would be maintained for very large animals. Could you electrofish for a blue whale? At what voltage would you have have to set the e-fisher?"''
|Electrofishing has long-term effects on fish and especially dolphins. Larger animals, especially mammals, are likely to die rather than just get stunned. But it is also harder to get any effect in saltwater, which explains why electrofishing is mainly done in rivers and lakes, compared to fresh water. This means it wouldn't work on blue whales.
|{{blog|156|2017|03|09|2d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Earth-Moon Fire Pole.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|157|Earth-Moon Fire Pole}}'''
|''"My son (5y) asked me today: If there were a kind of a fireman's pole from the Moon down to the Earth, how long would it take to slide all the way from the Moon to the Earth?"''
|This set-up would face many challenges, but these would be the different domains of the slowest extreme sport: climbing out of the Moon's gravity, accelerating through the middle transfer phase, and then decelerating to your supersonic arrival on Earth.
|{{blog|157|2018|03|21|1y 2m 5d late}}
|{{book|2|58}}
|
|-
|[[File:Hot Banana.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|158|Hot Banana}}'''
|''"I heard that bananas are radioactive. If they are radioactive, then they radiate energy. How many bananas would you need to power a house?"''
|Bananas are not very radioactive, so it would take an absurdly large number. However, gathering that many bananas in one place would have negative consequences. New York no longer exists.
|{{blog|158|2022|05|04|3y 11m 7d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Hailstones.png|100px]]
|'''{{what if|159|Hailstones}}'''
|''"My 4 year old son and I were wondering about soccer ball sized hail today. How much damage would a hail storm with size 5 soccer ball sized hail do?"''
|No real chance of producing that big hail stones, but if they could be lethal even if staying indoors.
|{{blog|159|2022|07|05|1m 30d late}}
|
|
|-
|''This blog article doesn't have a thumbnail.''
|'''{{what if|160|Transatlantic Car Rental}}'''
|''"My daughter recently received her driver's permit in the US, and aspires to visit mainland Europe someday. She has learned enough about the rules of the road to know never to drive into the ocean; however, she jokingly suggested that given a sufficient quantity of rental cars, she could eventually get to Europe by driving east repeatedly. The question is, how many vehicles would it take to build a car-bridge across the Atlantic?"''
|
|{{blog|160|2022|09|06|1m 26d late}}
|
|
|-
|''This blog article doesn't have a thumbnail.''
|'''{{what if|161|Star Ownership}}'''
|''"If every country's airspace extended up forever, which country would own the largest percentage of the galaxy at any given time?"''
|Australia owns most of the galaxy at certain points in time.
|{{blog|161|2022|11|01|1m 19d late}}
|
|
|-
|''This blog article doesn't have a thumbnail.''
|'''{{what if|162|Comet Ice}}'''
|''"Could I cool down the Earth by capturing a comet and dropping it in the ocean, like an ice cube in a glass of water?"''
|The comet either burns up in the atmosphere or speeds up global warming.
|{{blog|162|2022|12|06|29d late}}
|
|
|-
|
|'''Global Windstorm'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|1}}
|{{book|4|2024|01|09|gp5G1QG6cXc|What if Earth suddenly stopped spinning?}}
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #1'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|4}}
|
|-
|
|'''New York–Style Time Machine'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|5}}
|
|-
|
|'''Periodic Wall of the Elements'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|8}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #2'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|12}}
|
|-
|
|'''The Last Human Light'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|13}}
|{{book|11|2024|05|28|8fADp43wJwU|If all humans died, when would the last light go out?}}
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #3'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|16}}
|
|-
|
|'''Orbital Submarine'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|17}}
|{{book|7|2024|03|05|EsUBRd1O2dU|Would a Submarine Work as a Spaceship?}}
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #4'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|20}}
|
|-
|
|'''Little Planet'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|22}}
|
|-
|
|'''Common Cold'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|25}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #5'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|27}}
|
|-
|
|'''No More DNA'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|29}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #6'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|31}}
|
|-
|
|'''Flyover States'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|33}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #7'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|36}}
|
|-
|
|'''Self-Fertilization'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|37}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #8'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|40}}
|
|-
|
|'''Lost Immortals'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|42}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #9'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|46}}
|
|-
|
|'''Sparta'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|47}}
|
|-
|
|'''Lego Bridge'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|51}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #10'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|54}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weightless Arrow'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|56}}
|
|-
|
|'''All the Lightning'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|62}}
|{{book|10|2024|05|07|fs28lEq9smw|What if all the lightning on Earth struck the same place at once?}}
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #11'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|64}}
|
|-
|
|'''Neutron Bullet'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|67}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #12'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|68}}
|
|-
|
|'''Richter 15'''
|
|
|
|{{book|1|69}}
|{{book|2|2023|12|05|e3uk7jU3RHo|What would a magnitude 15 earthquake be like?}}
|-
|
|'''Soupiter'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|1}}
|
|-
|
|'''Helicopter Ride'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|2}}
|
|-
|
|'''Dangerously Cold'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|3}}
|
|-
|
|'''Ironic Vaporization'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|4}}
|
|-
|
|'''Cosmic Road Trip'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|5}}
|
|-
|
|'''Pigeon Chair'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|6}}
|
|-
|
|'''Short Answers #1'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|S1''' (between 6 and 7)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Geyser'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|8}}
|
|-
|
|'''Pew, Pew, Pew'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|9}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird & Worrying #1'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|W1''' (between 10 and 11)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Banana Church'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|11}}
|
|-
|
|'''Lose Weight the Slow and Incredibly Difficult Way'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|13}}
|
|-
|
|'''Jupiter Comes to Town'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|15}}
|
|-
|
|'''Swing Set'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|17}}
|
|-
|
|'''Airliner Catapult'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|18}}
|
|-
|
|'''Short Answers #2'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|S2''' (between 18 and 19)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Slow Dinosaur Apocalypse'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|19}}
|
|-
|
|'''Elemental Worlds'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|20}}
|
|-
|
|'''Star Ownership'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|24}}
|
|-
|
|'''Tire Rubber'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|25}}
|
|-
|
|'''Short Answers #3'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|S3''' (between 26 and 27)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Suction Aquarium'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|27}}
|
|-
|
|'''Earth Eye'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|28}}
|
|-
|
|'''Build Rome in a Day'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|29}}
|
|-
|
|'''Mariana Trench Tube'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|30}}
|
|-
|
|'''Expensive Shoebox'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|31}}
|
|-
|
|'''MRI Compass'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|32}}
|
|-
|
|'''Ancestor Fraction'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|33}}
|
|-
|
|'''Bird Car'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|34}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird & Worrying #2'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|W2''' (between 35 and 36)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Vacuum Tube Smartphone'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|36}}
|
|-
|
|'''Laser Umbrella'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|37}}
|
|-
|
|'''Eat a Cloud'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|38}}
|
|-
|
|'''Tall Sunsets'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|39}}
|
|-
|
|'''Sisyphean Refrigerators'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|41}}
|
|-
|
|'''Basketball Earth'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|43}}
|
|-
|
|'''Inhale a Person'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|45}}
|
|-
|
|'''Candy Crush Lightning'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|46}}
|
|-
|
|'''Short Answers #4'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|S4''' (between 46 and 47)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Toasty Warm'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|47}}
|
|-
|
|'''Eyeball'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|49}}
|
|-
|
|'''Japan Runs an Errand'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|50}}
|
|-
|
|'''Read All the Laws'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|52}}
|
|-
|
|'''Weird & Worrying #3'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|W3''' (between 52 and 53)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Snowball'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|54}}
|
|-
|
|'''Walking Backward in Time'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|56}}
|
|-
|
|'''Ammonia Tube'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|57}}
|
|-
|
|'''Short Answers #5'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|S5''' (between 58 and 59)}}
|
|-
|
|'''Dog Overload'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|60}}
|
|-
|
|'''Sunscreen'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|62}}
|
|-
|
|'''Walking on the Sun'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|63}}
|
|-
|
|'''Lemon Drops and Gumdrops'''
|
|
|
|{{book|2|64}}
|
|-
|
|'''Bonus Chapter'''
|''"…but what if we tried even '''more''' power?"''
|
|
|{{book|3|70}}
|{{book|19|2024|12|03|jgafb8G7i4o|But what if we tried MORE power?}}
|-
|}

==Editors==
''[[#Article index|(jump back to table)]]''
===Add YouTube video===
<nowiki>{{book|YT-NUMBER|YYYY|MM|DD|</nowiki>'''''<nowiki>HTTPS://LINK</nowiki>'''''|VIDEO-TITLE}}
'''EXAMPLE:''' <nowiki>{{book|</nowiki>'''''2'''''|'''''2022'''''|'''''12'''''|'''''31'''''|'''''https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LSyNhb5Y'''''|'''''What if everyone pointed a laser at the moon?'''''}}

===Add book chapter===
For the first [[What If? (book)|What If? book]]:
<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki>'''''1'''''|'''''CHAPTER-NUMBER'''''}}

For the second [[What If? 2]] book:
<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki>'''''2'''''|'''''CHAPTER-NUMBER'''''}}

'''EXAMPLE:'''<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki>'''''2'''''|'''''69'''''}}

If an article is available exclusively on the third book ([[What If? 10th Anniversary Edition]]) and not in the first two, use this:
<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki>'''''3'''''|'''''CHAPTER-NUMBER'''''}}<noinclude>

===Link to a ''what if?'' article===
On this wiki, an easy way to link to a given ''what if?'' article is by using the {{Template|what if}} template. Copy and paste the text below, correcting the number and title (highlighted in green) to get this result:

See the <nowiki>''[[what if? (blog)|what if?]]'' article ''{{what if|</nowiki><ins>'''''158'''''</ins>|<ins>'''''Hot Banana'''''</ins>}}''.
'''RESULTS IN:'''
See the ''[https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/what_if?_(blog) what if?]'' article ''{{what if|158|Hot Banana}}''.

NOTE: Since the release are now so random, please write a comment on the newest comic's talk page announcing that a new what if? article is out.

==Old Table==
{{notice|<big>'''DO NOT EDIT THE TABLE BELOW. Use it to find the 2 missing What if? (first book) articles and add them to the new table [[What If? chapters#Article index|(as explained above)]]! The correct table to edit is above.'''.</big>}}

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
! Article title
! Title in the book
!Title on Youtube channel
! Blog number
! ''What If?'' chapter
! ''What If? 2'' chapter
|-
| Relativistic Baseball || || || 1 || 2 || || ||
|-
| SAT Guessing || || || 2 || 66 || || ||
|-
| Yoda || || || 3 || 32 || || ||
|-
| Mole of Moles || || || 4 || 10 || || ||
|-
| Robot Apocalypse || || || 5 || || || ||
|-
| Glass Half Empty || || || 6 || 26 || || ||
|-
| Everybody Out || || || 7 || 35 || || ||
|-
| Everybody Jump || || || 8 || 9 || || ||
|-
| Soul Mates || || || 9 || 6 || || ||
|-
| Cassini || || || 10 || || || ||
|-
| Droppings || || || 11 || || || ||
|-
| Raindrop || || || 12 || 65 || || ||
|-
| Laser Pointer || || || 13 || 7 || || ||
|-
| Short Answer Section || || || 14 || || || ||
|-
| Mariana Trench Explosion || || || 15 || || || ||
|-
| Today’s topic: Lightning || Lightning || || 16 || 19 || || ||
|-
| Green Cows || || || 17 || || || ||
|-
| BB Gun || || || 18 || || || ||
|-
| Tie Vote || || || 19 || || || ||
|-
| Diamond || || || 20 || || || ||
|-
| Machine-Gun Jetpack || || || 21 || 14 || || ||
|-
| Cost of Pennies || || || 22 || || || ||
|-
| Short Answer Section II || Short-Answer Section || || 23 || 18 || || ||
|-
| Model Rockets || || || 24 || || || ||
|-
| Three Wise Men || || || 25 || || || ||
|-
| Leap Seconds || || || 26 || || || ||
|-
| Death Rates || || || 27 || || || ||
|-
| Steak Drop || || || 28 || 23 || || ||
|-
| Spent Fuel Pool || || || 29 || 3 || || ||
|-
| Interplanetary Cessna || || || 30 || 30 || || ||
|-
| FedEx Bandwidth || || || 31 || 44 || || ||
|-
| Hubble || || || 32 || || || ||
|-
| Ships || || || 33 || || || ||
|-
| Twitter || || || 34 || 50 || || ||
|-
| Hair Dryer || || || 35 || 11 || || ||
|-
| Cornstarch || || || 36 || || || ||
|-
| Supersonic Stereo || || || 37 || || || ||
|-
| Voyager || || || 38 || || || ||
|-
| Hockey Puck || || || 39 || 24 || || ||
|-
| Pressure Cooker || |||| 40 || || || ||
|-
| Go West || || || 41 || || || ||
|-
| Longest Sunset || || || 42 || 52 || || ||
|-
| Train Loop || || || 43 || || || ||
|-
| High Throw || || || 44 || 38 || || ||
|-
| ISS Music Video || || || 45 || || || ||
|-
| Bowling Ball || || || 46 || || || ||
|-
| Alien Astronomers || || || 47 || 28 || || ||
|-
| Sunset on the British Empire || || || 48 || 60 || || ||
|-
| Sunless Earth || || || 49 || 57 || || ||
|-
| Extreme Boating || || || 50 || || || ||
|-
| Free Fall || || || 51 || 45 || || ||
|-
| Bouncy Balls || || || 52 || || || ||
|-
| Drain the Oceans || || || 53 || 48 || || ||
|-
| Drain the Oceans: Part II || || || 54 || 49 || || ||
|-
| Random Sneeze Call || || || 55 || 53 || || ||
|-
| Restraining an Airplane || || || 56 || || || ||
|-
| Dropping a Mountain || || || 57 || || || ||
|-
| Orbital Speed || || || 58 || 43 || || ||
|-
| Updating a Printed Wikipedia || || || 59 || 58 || || ||
|-
| Signs of Life || || || 60 || || || ||
|-
| Speed Bump || || || 61 || 41 || || ||
|-
| Falling with Helium || || || 62 || 34 || || ||
|-
| Google’s Datacenters on Punch Cards || || || 63 || || || ||
|-
| Rising Steadily || || || 64 || 15 || || ||
|-
| Twitter Timeline Height || || || 65 || || || ||
|-
| 500 MPH || || || 66 || || || ||
|-
| Expanding Earth || || || 67 || 55 || || ||
|-
| Human Computer || || || 68 || 21 || || ||
|-
| Facebook of the Dead || || || 69 || 59 || || ||
|-
| The Constant Groundskeeper || || || 70 || || || ||
|-
| Stirring Tea || || || 71 || 61 || || ||
|-
| Loneliest Human || || || 72 || 63 || || ||
|-
| Lethal Neutrinos || || || 73 || 39 || || ||
|-
| Soda Planet || || || 74 || || || ||
|-
| Phone Keypad || || || 75 || || || ||
|-
| Reading Every Book || || || 76 || || 10 || ||
|-
| Growth Rate || || || 77 || || || ||
|-
| T-rex Calories || || || 78 || || 7 || ||
|-
| Lake Tea || || || 79 || || || ||
|-
| Pile of Viruses || || || 80 || || || ||
|-
| Catch! || || || 81 || || 12 || ||
|-
| Hitting a comet || || || 82 || || || ||
|-
| Star Sand || || || 83 || || 16 || ||
|-
| Paint the Earth || || || 84 || || 14 || ||
|-
| Rocket Golf || || || 85 || || || ||
|-
| Far-Traveling Objects || || || 86 || || || ||
|-
| Enforced by Radar || || || 87 || || || ||
|-
| Soda Sequestration || || || 88 || || || ||
|-
| Tungsten Countertop || || || 89 || || || ||
|-
| Great Tree, Great Axe || || || 90 || || || ||
|-
| Faucet Power || || || 91 || || || ||
|-
| One-Second Day || || || 92 || || 21 || ||
|-
| Windshield Raindrops || || || 93 || || || ||
|-
| Billion-Story Building || || || 94 || || 22 || ||
|-
| Pyramid Energy || || || 95 || || || ||
|-
| $2 Undecillion Lawsuit || || || 96 || || 23 || ||
|-
| Burning Pollen || || || 97 || || || ||
|-
| Blood Alcohol || || || 98 || || 42 || ||
|-
| Starlings || || || 99 || || || ||
|-
| WWII Films || || || 100 || || || ||
|-
| Plastic Dinosaurs || || || 101 || || 26 || ||
|-
| Keyboard Power || || || 102 || || || ||
|-
| Vanishing Water || || || 103 || || || ||
|-
| Global Snow || || || 104 || || 59 || ||
|-
| Cannibalism || || || 105 || || || ||
|-
| Ink Molecules || || || 106 || || || ||
|-
| Letter to Mom || || || 107 || || || ||
|-
| Expensive Shoebox || || || 108 || || || ||
|-
| Into the Blue || || || 109 || || || ||
|-
| Walking New York || || || 110 || || || ||
|-
| All the Money || || || 111 || || || ||
|-
| Balloon Car || || || 112 || || || ||
|-
| Visit Every State || || || 113 || || || ||
|-
| Antimatter || || || 114 || || || ||
|-
| Into the Sun || || || 115 || || 61 || ||
|-
| No-Rules NASCAR || || || 116 || || 35 || ||
|-
| Distant Death || || || 117 || || || ||
|-
| Physical Salary || || || 118 || || || ||
|-
| Laser Umbrella || || || 119 || || || ||
|-
| Alternate Universe What Ifs || || || 120 || || || ||
|-
| Frozen Rivers || || || 121 || || || ||
|-
| Lava Lamp || || || 122 || || 40 || ||
|-
| Fairy Demographics || || || 123 || || || ||
|-
| Lunar Swimming || || || 124 || || || ||
|-
| Bowling Ball || || || 125 || || || ||
|-
| Stairs || || || 126 || || || ||
|-
| Tug of War || || || 127 || || || ||
|-
| Zippo Phone || || || 128 || || || ||
|-
| Black Hole Moon || || || 129 || || || ||
|-
| Snow Removal || || || 130 || || || ||
|-
| Microwaves || || || 131 || || || ||
|-
| Hotter than Average || || || 132 || || || ||
|-
| Flagpole || || || 133 || || || ||
|-
| Space Burial || || || 134 || || || ||
|-
| Digging Downward || || || 135 || || || ||
|-
| Spiders vs. the Sun || || || 136 || || 44 || ||
|-
| New Horizons || || || 137 || || || ||
|-
| Jupiter Submarine || || || 138 || || || ||
|-
| Jupiter Descending || || || 139 || || || ||
|-
| Proton Earth, Electron Moon || || || 140 || || 48 || ||
|-
| Sunbeam || || || 141 || || || ||
|-
| Space Jetta || || || 142 || || || ||
|-
| Europa Water Siphon || || || 143 || || || ||
|-
| Saliva Pool || || || 144 || || 53 || ||
|-
| Fire from Moonlight || || || 145 || || 51 || ||
|-
| Stop Jupiter || || || 146 || || || ||
|-
| Niagara Straw || || || 147 || || 55 || ||
|-
| Eat the Sun || || || 148 || || || ||
|-
| Pizza Bird || || || 149 || || || ||
|-
| Tattooine Rainbow || || || 150 || || || ||
|-
| Sun Bug || || || 151 || || || ||
|-
| Flood Death Valley || || || 152 || || || ||
|-
| Hide the Atmosphere || || || 153 || || || ||
|-
| Coast-to-Coast Coasting || || || 154 || || || ||
|-
| Toaster vs. Freezer || || || 155 || || || ||
|-
| Electrofishing for Whales || || || 156 || || || ||
|-
| Earth-Moon Fire Pole || || || 157 || || 58 || ||
|-
| Global Windstorm || || || || 1 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #1 || || || || 4 || || ||
|-
| New York–Style Time Machine || || || || 5 || || ||
|-
| Periodic Wall of the Elements || || || || 8 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #2 || || || || 12 || || ||
|-
| The Last Human Light || || || || 13 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #3 || || || || 16 || || ||
|-
| Orbital Submarine || || || || 17 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #4 || || || || 20 || || ||
|-
| Little Planet || || || || 22 || || ||
|-
| Common Cold || || || || 25 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #5 || || || || 27 || || ||
|-
| No More DNA || || || || 29 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #6 || || || || 31 || || ||
|-
| Flyover States || || || || 33 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #7 || || || || 36 || || ||
|-
| Self-Fertilization || || || || 37 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #8 || || || || 40 || || ||
|-
| Lost Immortals || || || || 42 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #9 || || || || 46 || || ||
|-
| Sparta || || || || 47 || || ||
|-
| Lego Bridge || || || || 51 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #10 || || || || 54 || || ||
|-
| Weightless Arrow || || || || 56 || || ||
|-
| All the Lightning || || || || 62 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #11 || || || || 64 || || ||
|-
| Neutron Bullet || || || || 67 || || ||
|-
| Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #12 || || || || 68 || || ||
|-
| Richter 15 || || || || 69 || || ||
|-
| Soupiter || || || || || 1 || ||
|-
| Helicopter Ride || || || || || 2 || ||
|-
| Dangerously Cold || || || || || 3 || ||
|-
| Ironic Vaporization || || || || || 4 || ||
|-
| Cosmic Road Trip || || || || || 5 || ||
|-
| Pigeon Chair || || || || || 6 || ||
|-
| Short Answers #1 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 6 and 7) || ||
|-
| Geyser || || || || || 8 || ||
|-
| Pew, Pew, Pew || || || || || 9 || ||
|-
| Weird & Worrying #1 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 10 and 11) || ||
|-
| Banana Church || || || || || 11 || ||
|-
| Lose Weight the Slow and Incredibly Difficult Way || || || || || 13 || ||
|-
| Jupiter Comes to Town || || || || || 15 || ||
|-
| Swing Set || || || || || 17 || ||
|-
| Airliner Catapult || || || || || 18 || ||
|-
| Short Answers #2 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 18 and 19) || ||
|-
| Slow Dinosaur Apocalypse || || || || || 19 || ||
|-
| Elemental Worlds || || || || || 20 || ||
|-
| Star Ownership || || || || || 24 || ||
|-
| Tire Rubber || || || || || 25 || ||
|-
| Short Answers #3 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 26 and 27) || ||
|-
| Suction Aquarium || || || || || 27 || ||
|-
| Earth Eye || || || || || 28 || ||
|-
| Build Rome in a Day || || || || || 29 || ||
|-
| Mariana Trench Tube || || || || || 30 || ||
|-
| Expensive Shoebox || || || || || 31 || ||
|-
| MRI Compass || || || || || 32 || ||
|-
| Ancestor Fraction || || || || || 33 || ||
|-
| Bird Car || || || || || 34 || ||
|-
| Weird & Worrying #2 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 35 and 36) || ||
|-
| Vacuum Tube Smartphone || || || || || 36 || ||
|-
| Laser Umbrella || || || || || 37 || ||
|-
| Eat a Cloud || || || || || 38 || ||
|-
| Tall Sunsets || || || || || 39 || ||
|-
| Sisyphean Refrigerators || || || || || 41 || ||
|-
| Basketball Earth || || || || || 43 || ||
|-
| Inhale a Person || || || || || 45 || ||
|-
| Candy Crush Lightning || || || || || 46 || ||
|-
| Short Answers #4 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 46 and 47) || ||
|-
| Toasty Warm || || || || || 47 || ||
|-
| Eyeball || || || || || 49 || ||
|-
| Japan Runs an Errand || || || || || 50 || ||
|-
| Read All the Laws || || || || || 52 || ||
|-
| Weird & Worrying #3 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 52 and 53) || ||
|-
| Snowball || || || || || 54 || ||
|-
| Walking Backward in Time || || || || || 56 || ||
|-
| Ammonia Tube || || || || || 57 || ||
|-
| Short Answers #5 || || || || || Unnumbered (between 58 and 59) || ||
|-
| Dog Overload || || || || || 60 || ||
|-
| Sunscreen || || || || || 62 || ||
|-
| Walking on the Sun || || || || || 63 || ||
|-
| Lemon Drops and Gumdrops || || || || || 64 || ||
|}

[[Category:What If?| 9]]{{xkcdmeta}}

3026: Linear Sort

2024-12-19T01:42:31Z

Dry Paratroopa: Reducing redundancies - among others, O(n log(n)) is described as larger than linear in three different ways in a row, and the size -> time increase is explained in at least three separate places. why use many word when few do trick

{{comic
| number = 3026
| date = December 18, 2024
| title = Linear Sort
| image = linear_sort_2x.png
| imagesize = 385x181px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = The best case is O(n), and the worst case is that someone checks why.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created in Θ(N) TIME by an iterative Insertion Sorter working on a multidimensional array - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
A common task in programming is to sort a list, a list being a collection of related elements of data that are stored in a linear fashion. There are dozens of algorithms that have been created for this through the years, from simple to complex, and each has its own merits with regards to how easy it is to understand / implement, how much space it uses, and how efficiently it operates on the data.

In computer science, the runtime of an algorithm can be described using {{w|Big O Notation}}, which categories the asymptotic, usually average, runtime (''O'') of a function of the number of elements (''n'') operated on (''f(n)'') as it grows larger and larger towards infinity; this creates the form O(''f''(''n'')) as the final description. Being asymptotic means that Big O Notation only considers parts of the function that scale with time and disregards fixed changes such as multipliers and additions to the scaling time. For instance, in an O(''n'') algorithm, ''f''(''n'') is simply ''n'', meaning it takes a constant amount of time per element operated on. A simple example would be examining pictures: if it takes one second to look at a picture, it would take ten seconds to look at ten pictures; if it took three seconds to look at a picture, it would take thirty seconds to look at ten pictures - both are described as O(''n'').

Generally, programmers seek to minimize the Big O Notation of their algorithms because it means they take less time. It can be proven that the best general-purpose sorting methods are O(''n'' log ''n''); since this is larger than ''n'' on its own, it means that algorithms will always begin to take longer per element as the number of elements increases.

Here are some examples of common runtimes expressed in Big O notation, from smallest to largest:
<ul><li>O(1) - Constant time, which means the execution time is independent of the size of the data</li>
<li>O(''n'') - Linear time, which means the execution time grows in direct proportion to the size of the data</li>
<li>O(''n'' log(''n'')) - The execution time grows proportionally to ''n'' * the {{w|logarithm}} of ''n'', with the added ''log(n)'' creating an increasingly larger multiplier on the runtime</li>
<li>O(''n''2) - Quadratic time, meaning the execution time grows proportionally to the ''square'' of the size of the data.</li></ul>

The code in the comic describes a 'linear' sort that first sorts the list using {{w|merge sort}}, which takes time O(''n'' log(''n'')), and then `sleep()`s (pauses with no activity) for an inverse amount of time by subtracting the time taken for the sort from 1e6 (1 million) seconds so that the total time always equals that amount. This effectively converts the algorithm through brute force to fit the definition of linear time: it takes one million seconds - which is more than 11 days - per element, regardless of the number of elements. The joke is that although this algorithm runs in O(''n''), it is actually significantly slower than the usually worse O(''n'' log(''n'')) the sort would run on its own.

It should be noted that for sufficiently large lists, the merge sort will take longer than the million seconds per element, which might crash the program as it attempts to sleep for a negative amount of time. However, this issue will only arise for impossibly huge lists: if, for instance, a merge sort took ''n log(n)'' microseconds to complete(slow by today's standards), then the comic's 'linear' sort would take shorter than merge sort only for lists longer than 21,000,000,000,000 ≈ 10300,000,000,000 elements - a number far larger than the number of atoms in the universe. The impossibility of this outcome might be why such a ridiculously high number of seconds was chosen.

The title text refers to the {{w|Best, worst and average case|best and worst case}} of a sort, which are additional measures of its runtime describing the shortest and longest potential times. This arises when a given sort decides how much of a list needs to be passed over again when the initial scan has identified a need to shuffle elements around; scanning a pre-sorted list (and deducing that it has no work to do) would only pass the one time and result in a best case of O(''n''). Depending upon the algorithm, presenting a list that is reverse-sorted (or perhaps in some other specific ordering that happens to challenge it the most) may require even an 'average O(''n'' log ''n'')' process to take a worst-case number of operations of something like O(''n2''). It can be very useful to know that a given sorting method ''may'' take the average order of time, but have the possibility of a much shorter ''or'' longer runtime... especially when the method is expected to be [[1185: Ineffective Sorts|far, far worse than others]] outside of ideal, rare conditions that cause it to be faster.

By forcing all practical searches to take O(''n'') time regardless of how identical data is provided for sorting, the best case (and worst case, for that matter) will, in fact, still be O(''n''). The last part of the text then plays on the another meaning of best case and worst case as best- and {{w|Worst-case_scenario|worst-case scenarios}} for a situation, saying that the worst situation that could occur for the code's author is if someone decides to investigate the code (perhaps owing to its absurd runtime), where they will discover the deception and probably lead to some sort of punishment for it.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
:[The panel shows five lines of code:]
:function LinearSort(list):
::StartTime=Time()
::MergeSort(list)
::Sleep(1e6*length(list)-(Time()-StartTime))
::return

:[Caption below the panel:]
:How to sort a list in linear time

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Programming]]

2868: Label the States

2023-12-16T06:48:36Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 2868
| date = December 15, 2023
| title = Label the States
| image = label_the_states_2x.png
| imagesize = 740x500px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Even with a blank map, a lot of people can only name 45-50 of the 64 states.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a LEONIDA MAN - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
[[File:label the states 2x highlighted.png|thumb|301px|The map with the extra states highlighted.]]
[[File:Blank US Map (white on gray and black).svg|thumb|301px|A real blank map of the United States for comparison.]]
This is a blank map of the United States. At first glance, it looks correct, because all the large states with distinct shapes are correctly represented, but some states have been added. For example:

* On the west coast, Washington, Oregon, and California all have their normal shapes, but there is a new rectangular state south of Oregon and north of California.
* East of this, two more nearly rectangular states have been added between Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, and Utah.
* A column of five rectangular states has been inserted between Montana/Wyoming/Utah/Arizona and the Dakotas/Nebraska/Colorado/New Mexico.
* Another somewhat rectangular state has been added between South Dakota and Nebraska. (Note: Nebraska is incorrectly colored blue in the illustrative map to the right. It's the space above it that should be blue.)
* Ohio and Indiana have been narrowed with a new state being created between them.
* New states shaped like Arkansas, Tennessee, and North Carolina have been added directly south of those states.
* New Hampshire now has a state that looks like its reflection between itself and Maine.

In summary, a whole row and a whole column of states have been added, and two new states have been added between Indiana and Ohio and between New Hampshire and Maine. The external shape of the United States has also been slightly modified to accommodate the new states. As the title text says, there are now 64 states on Randall's map, not 50.

In comic [[2394: Contiguous 41 States]], the opposite has been done, removing states so that there are 41 states instead of 50 or 64.

The title text comments on the cliché that Americans are bad at geography, parodying comments that Americans cannot name many of the US states. A statistic is mentioned saying that most people can only name 45-50 states, which is almost to all of the actual states, but looks poor in comparison to the 64 states in the comic's map. Since the extra fourteen states are made up and not labelled, people will not be able to name them and get a perfect 64/64 score. The cliché is also parodied in [[850|comic 850]].

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

:Geography Challenge:
:Can you label all the states?

:[An unlabeled map of the United States, but instead of 50 states, there are borders for 64.]

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:US maps]]

2831: xkcd Phone Flip

2023-09-20T23:45:43Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 2831
| date = September 20, 2023
| title = xkcd Phone Flip
| image = xkcd_phone_flip_2x.png
| imagesize = 740x458px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Theranos partnership: Sorry, we know, but we signed the contract back before all the stuff and the lawyers say we can't back out, so just try to keep your finger away from the bottom of the phone.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by THE BOT FORTOLD BY THE FORTUNETELLER PROPHECY - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
This is the 9th in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone]] series in which Randall explains his new joke phone designs with many strange and useless features. It is a reference to the somewhat recent {{w|Galaxy Z}} series,, but instead of folding in half, it folds into the more complex and much less usable shape of a typical {{w|paper fortune teller}}. The product's slogan suggests that this was not an intended feature, which would be incredibly difficult to create accidentally without causing the phone to become nonfunctional. It's therefore possible that this phone was designed by [[:Category:Beret Guy's Business|Beret Guy's company]], which has in the past [[1493: Meeting|trademarked seemingly normal phrases]] and [[1293: Job Interview|done impossible things with electronics]].

From the top, going clockwise:

; Exfoliating Screen
: A term commonly found on lotions and facial products, "exfoliating" means removing dead skin cells from the surface of the skin, in order to improve its appearance. This could mean that it will exfoliate when pressed to the skin. However, this would probably require a mildly abrasive and/or adhesive screen texture or coating, which are usually not desirable qualities of a touchscreen.

; Buy one get one
: A play on typical retail sales advertised as "Buy one get one ____", where one buys one item at full price and gets another of that item either for free or at a reduced price. Since no discount has been mentioned, it would imply that you can get two at full price or perhaps simply that if you buy a phone, you receive the phone; this is expected upon almost all purchases and is almost {{w|Tautology (logic)|tautological}} in nature.

; Bending phone activates chemical flashlight
: This feature parallels a {{w|glow stick}}, which is also activated by bending the stick; this breaks an inner capsule causing chemicals to mix and produce light. However, doing this with a phone likely to cause physical or chemical damage and additionally only works once, which is not very useful for a phone flashlight that one typically uses as a tool throughout the phone's lifetime.

; SPF 15 Coating protects your face from websites
: Unclear how sunscreen on the phone protects you from website.

; Iatrogenic construction
: 'Iatrogenic' means 'physician caused', and usually refers to illnesses which are caused or worsened by medical malpractice. This may imply that the phone was made ''by'' doctors.

; All-vinyl data storage for maximum fidelity
: vinyl data storage is not a thing, but vinyl is used for music records

; Locks in moisture
: Good for cosmetics perhaps, generally bad for a cell phone.

; National weather service partnership: Phone is afraid of thunder
: Not a useful feature, phones do not have emotions

; One-click ''ruina montium''
: ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruina_montium Ruina montium]'' ('mountain destroyer') was a now-lost mining technique used by the ancient Romans, thought to involve a form of hydrostatic drilling. It is not clear how this could be applied by a smartphone, let alone as a one-click operation.

; Free Refills
: Good for restaurant drinks, not for cell phones

; Break Glass to Access Apps
: A play on how fire alarms and extinguishers are protected by glass casings in most places, although in this case it is not that helpful. Unusual things behind glass is also mentioned in [[1634: In Case of Emergency]].

; Long-lasting main sequence battery
: Perhaps referring to a "main sequence star". Stars do last a long time compared to most cell phone batteries.

; Full-spectrum backlight optimized for plant growth
: The screen backlight is unlikely to be used for growing plants

; Up to 50% more
: A play on the words "Up to 50% more <blank>. Although considering that there is nothing in the blank, this statement is useless. See [[870: Advertising]].

; Hypoimmunogenic
: Meaning less able to produce an immune response - so perhaps useful in that people do not want their phone to cause an immune response in their body, however cell phones typically cause no immune response, so this is not generally an issue. This is probably related to items that are marketed as hypoallergenic, less likely to cause an allergic reaction.

; Ready to eat
: A typical sales pitch for {{w|convenience foods}} denoting that no time must be spent preparing the product for safe consumption, in contrast to other such meals where ingredients would need to be combined and/or cooked in some fashion. It is unknown how a phone could be produced in such a way as to be edible, especially considering some of the further features explicitly say that the phone contains glass and chemicals, which are almost never safe to eat.{{citation needed}}

; Single Big Pixel
: This is obviously a serious drawback, as you cannot see anything but one big blank pixel; This would make the phone basically useless if you don't have images of every bit of UI.

; Orthotic shape for arch support
: {{w|Orthotics}} are devices used to reduce stress on the body. "Arch support" is a specific term referring to padded inserts designed to fit to the contour of a person's foot and provide support for the arch of the foot, a raised area between the ball in front and the heel in back. Fitting this space requires either a curved shape or one that's thicker in the center, which would make a phone less straightforward (pun not intended) to use. Additionally, the materials used in a phone are not suitable for orthotic usage and doing so anyway could worsen any issues and damage the phone from the stress of the person's weight upon it.

The title text references the company that notably failed to live up to its promise to diagnose many health issues from a single drop of blood. Whether this phone does any better, or not, it ''will'' still take that drop of blood unless you're particularly careful.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
Image of a phone with multiple bits of text with pointers to it.
:Exfoliating screen
:Orthotic shape for arch support
:Single big pixel
:Ready to eat
:Hypoimmunogenic
:Up to 50% more
:Full-spectrum backlight optimized for plant growth
:Long-lasting main sequence battery
:Break glass to access apps
Two images of the phone folded up into a fortune teller, also with text.
:Buy one get one
:Bending phone activates chemical flashlight
:SPF 15 coating protects your face from websites
:Iatrogenic construction
:All-vinyl data storage for maximum fidelity
:Locks in moisture
:National Weather Service partnership: phone is afraid of thunder
:One-click ''ruina montium''
:Free refills

:Introducing
:'''The xkcd Phone Flip'''
:''We actually didn't mean for it to do this''™

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:xkcd Phones]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|xkcd Phones]]

2553: Incident Report

2021-12-10T23:46:46Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 2553
| date = December 10, 2021
| title = Incident Report
| image = incident_report.png
| titletext = Increasing-precision timestamps are the Jaws theme of incident reports.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by an OVERLY-PRECISE TEMPORAL SHARK - Title-text still pending, and particularly bare-bones explanation for first draft. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

An {{w|incident report}} describes the events that happen before something goes wrong; this usually involves describing what time related events happen at. In this comic, a report at a {{w|nuclear power plant}} on the day of the comic's publishing starts with particularly vague timestamps (that a package of fireworks arrived "roughly 18 hours prior" to it), then uses false minute-level precision ("14:00" and "14:20", which could reasonably be five minutes off in either direction), then actual minute-level precision ("14:28"), then second-level precision ("14:29:22" and "14:29:26").

This suggests that the ''clock'' time is really a proxy for the ''amount'' of time before one specific moment where everything falls apart, and when seconds start appearing, it implies that the recollection is within a few minutes of the disaster. Normally the increased level of precision reflects close monitoring capabilities of the affected system and/or detailed analysis by incident investigators.

In many situations, incident reports are anonymized as shown to protect the identities of those people involved in the incidents. This is often done to prevent unnecessary blaming of certain individuals, particularly when it hasn't yet been determined whether the incident was negligence or just an accident.

Examples of real-life incident reports with second-level precision timestamps showing the increasing precision around critical moments include:
* [https://spaceflightnow.com/challenger/timeline/ Explosion] of the Space Shuttle Challenger
* [https://world-nuclear.org/information-library/safety-and-security/safety-of-plants/appendices/chernobyl-accident-appendix-1-sequence-of-events.aspx Chernobyl explosion]

Although the comic refers to {{w|Juggling club|juggling "pins"}}, jugglers commonly refer call those props as "clubs." It is possible Randall is confusing the {{w|Bowling pin|similarly shaped objects}} in 10-pin bowling to juggling clubs. "Pins" are another name for {{W|nuclear fuel rod}}s, which control the speed of a nuclear reaction within a nuclear power plant. No sane reactor staff would juggle these complex, heavy and expensive pieces of equipment{{citation needed}}.

The title text refers to the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvCI-gNK_y4 theme music] from the 1975 film ''{{w|Jaws (film)|Jaws}}'', which has come to represent impending danger. The theme is well known for the increasing tempo during its intro, which might be paralleled here to the increasingly precise timestamps of the report.

9603120071 is an actual accession number for an [https://adamswebsearch2.nrc.gov/webSearch2/main.jsp?AccessionNumber=9603120071 incident] at San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station in 1996. Four slightly contaminated stray kittens were found, cleaned, and adopted. No clock times were mentioned in the report.

Real-world nuclear power stations have strictly regulated control rooms which would prevent the simultaneous presence of fireworks, juggling and birthday celebrations.{{Citation needed}}. There is no East Valley nuclear power plant, but there are two nuclear power plants in Beaver Valley, Pennsylvania.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
:Facility: East Valley Nuclear Plant
:Date: 12/10/2021
:Report ID: 9603120071
:Event description: Roughly '''18 hours''' prior to the incident, an Amazon package containing fireworks was mistakenly delivered to the reactor control room and left under the console.
:The next day, at approximately '''14:00''', technician A arrived at the facility with a bag containing four juggling pins. At '''14:20''', technician A entered the control room, and joined technician B at the console.
:At '''14:28''', technician C exited the elevator and approached the control room holding a birthday cake intended for technician B.
:At '''14:29:22''', technician A said "Hey [technician B], check out this cool trick I learned" while taking out the juggling pins. Technician B turned to look just as, at '''14:29:26''', technician C entered holding the cake.

:[Caption below the panel]:
:You know things are about to get bad when the incident report starts including seconds in the timestamps.

:[Title Text]:
:Increasing-precision timestamps are the Jaws theme of incident reports.
{{comic discussion}}

2534: Retractable Rocket

2021-10-29T00:05:40Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 2534
| date = October 27, 2021
| title = Retractable Rocket
| image = retractible_rocket.png
| titletext = Hard to believe that for so many years once they were fully extended we just let them tip over.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a RETRACTABLE ROCKET SCIENTIST - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This comic documents another of [[Beret Guy]]'s [[:Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy|absurdist ventures]]. He explains to [[Megan]] that "we" (possibly [[:Category:Beret Guy's Business|his company]]) are testing their new "retractable" rocket.

{{w|Reusable launch system|Reusable rockets}} are a growing industry, as they are more economically viable in the long run – though technically much more difficult to operate – than rocket boosters that are just discarded after use (which have been standard throughout the majority of space-faring history). Thus, Megan is understandably confused about Beret Guy's assertion that theirs is "retractable", asking if he misspoke. In typical fashion, he assures her that he did not misspeak, with a single "No" without further explanation.

They proceed to watch the rocket "launch", proving that it is indeed ''retractable''. In fact the rocket does not launch, but merely ''extends'' – apparently all the way to the {{w|International Space Station}} (ISS), a height of over 250 miles (over 400 km) – before retracting, as promised, to its original position. The top part, with the astronauts in it, has been left in space. Presumably, it is docked to the ISS, as the crew onboard the ISS say hello to them in panel 4.

Of course, it would not be possible to extend anything this far.{{Citation needed}} The top would be moving very fast compared to the bottom part, and even with the strongest material a fully extended, very thin, presumably, hollow structure with a payload on top would break very soon after extension began. Also, the ISS moves at 17,100 mph (27,600 km/h) compared to the ground under it, making an orbit in about one and a half hour. So making the tip follow this long enough to dock would be even more impossible.

A possibility of making a {{w|space elevator}} has been discussed, but it would not extend like this with a payload on top. Randall has, for instance, referenced space elevators in [[697: Tensile vs. Shear Strength]]. He has also examined the problems of a solid metal object extending through the atmosphere [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/157/|in a what-if]].

The title text parodies the 'old' single-use boosters. It appears that the predecessors to the 'retractable rockets' were capable of controlled extension only. Once they had lofted the payload to orbit, they were then allowed to fall over, destroying them in the process so they could not be used again just like booster rockets. However, if a 250 mile/400 km high construction just fell over, it would be much more difficult to avoid other damage, than to the rocket (booster), than for just a few small booster rockets falling out of the sky.{{Citation needed}}

This comic was released four days before (and possibly refers to) SpaceX's {{w|SpaceX Crew-3|Crew-3 mission}} to send astronauts to ISS with a reusable rocket on 31 October 2021.

==Transcript==
:[Beret Guy and Megan is talking. Behind them near the horizon is a tall rocket on a launchpad.]
:Beret Guy: We're testing our new retractable rocket.
:Megan: You mean reusable?
:Beret Guy: No.

:[A zoom in on the launchpad and rocket. It has the appearance of having a long first stage, a second stage with slightly wider fairing and an Apollo-style capsule with escape-tower atop it all. There is a directionless speech-bubble at the top depicting a count down voice.]
:Count down: Three...Two...One...Liftoff!

:[Same view as before, but while the base of the rocket-stack remains stationary, the first stage is apparently elongated, with a hint of a bend to the right, to raise the total height to which the upper-stage and capsule assembly reaches almost to the top of the panel.]

:[In a wider panel, with the base to the left, the first stage is now elongated far enough to disappear off the top of the center of the frame, thus clearly bending to the right. Two peoples voices are indicated as coming from the space capsule far above, as it reaches it destination.]
:Voice 1: Hi, welcome to the ISS!
:Voice 2: Hello!

:[The final panel shows the same view as in the third panel. The first stage is now retracting, and has similar length as in the third panel, but the capsule is no longer atop the 'second stage' fairing. Four movement lines above the top of the retracting rocket indicates that it is returning back to the original position.]

==Trivia==
*The [https://web.archive.org/web/20211028014542/https://xkcd.com/ original comic] misspelled "retractable" as "retractible". Has been documented on the web archive.
**This was done both in the [https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/archive/5/57/20211028040721%21retractable_rocket.png comic itself], and [https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php?title=2534:_Retractible_Rocket&redirect=no the title].

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Beret Guy's Business]]
[[Category:Strange powers of Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Space]]

2389: Unread

2020-11-23T21:51:24Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */ Added a bit about the title text.

{{comic
| number = 2389
| date = November 23, 2020
| title = Unread
| image = unread.png
| titletext = I'll never install a smart home smoke detector. It's not that I don't trust the software--it's that all software eventually becomes email, and I know how I am with email.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by SOME UNREAD EMAILS. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
[[Cueball]] has an unspecified communication application on his phone. As the chart displays, the longer he has the app, the more unread messages he has on it (likely due to a combination of more people trying to contact him over it and him checking it less diligently). Eventually, he gives up reading every message, and he notices apathetically when it reaches 10,000 notifications. The joke comes in the caption, which states that all communication services have this problem and implies that this problem is the key problem with {{w|email}}.

The caption, "''Another'' way every system becomes email" (emphasis added) is a reference to {{w|Jamie_Zawinski#Principles|Zawinski's law of of software envelopment}}: "Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can."

In the title text, Randall uses this reasoning to explain why he'll never install a smart {{w|smoke detector}}. A smart detector would send a notification to his phone when the smoke level is high enough to trigger it; following the same trend, Randall believes he will eventually stop reading the alerts from the smoke detector. Ignoring a smoke detector is dangerous.{{Template:Citation needed}}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

[A graph with the x-axis and y-axis labeled]

Percentage of received messages in the service that are marked unread

Time --->

[Three Cueballs standing at different points on the graph. The first two are shown directly above the line at the beginning and middle areas, and the third is shown below it near the end of the graph. All three are holding phones.]

[The first Cueball looks at his phone, which displays two notifications on an app]

Oh hey, two new messages!

[The next Cueball again looks at his phone, this time with 45 notifications on the app]

Ugh, gotta take some time to go through these.

[The last Cueball's phone app shows 10129 notifications]

Wow, it hit five digits.

[Caption below the panel]

Another way every system eventually becomes email

{{comic discussion}}

2345: Wish on a Shooting Star

2020-08-12T23:29:32Z

Dry Paratroopa: Fixed the external links (only uses one bracket!)

{{comic
| number = 2345
| date = August 12, 2020
| title = Wish on a Shooting Star
| image = wish_on_a_shooting_star.png
| titletext = Congratulations to whoever wished for revenge on a forest near the Tunguska River, a 1980 Chevy Malibu in Peekskill NY, Alabama resident Ann Hodges, every building in Chelyabinsk with glass windows, and the non-avian dinosaurs.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a NON-AVIAN DINOSAUR. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
It is a common practice to make a wish when one sees a shooting star, in hopes that the wish comes true. This comic consists of a [[wikipedia:Venn diagram|Venn diagram]] showing what things are commonly wished for upon seeing a shooting star, and what things the shooting star may cause. Shooting stars, as they are actually meteors, can only cause changes to physical phenomena, such as radio noise or the appearance of the sky as they burn up in the upper atmosphere. The only thing that is shared between the potential wish side of the diagram and the shooting star caused side is revenge. This would occur when a shooting star actually hits the planet, becoming a meteorite. This is frequently highly destructive, given the high speed of falling meteors. As such, it would be possible for the meteorite to hit something that someone for some reason or another wished revenge upon. However, given the massive surface area of the planet, the likelihood that someone's revenge would be "granted" by a meteorite would be very low. The title text makes fun of this by detailing several incidents where a meteorite landed and caused damage ranging from a car to the [[wikipedia:Chicxulub impactor|Chicxulub impactor]] (the slayer of non-avian dinosaurs).

On October 9, 1992, a meteorite [https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/meteorite-crashes-into-chevy-malibu damaged a 1980 Malibu].

On November 30, 1954, a fragment of a meteorite passed through the roof of a house and [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylacauga_(meteorite) struck] Ann Hodges. She survived.

Meteorites were also mentioned in [[2328: Space Basketball]].

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
A Venn Diagram is shown. 
Things people wish for:
*Love
*Money
*Fame
*Health
*Luck
*Power
*Success
Things shooting stars can cause:
*Radio Noise
*Dust and ionized gas in the upper atmosphere
*Infrasound
*Cool lights in the sky
Both:
*Revenge
{{comic discussion}}

2324: Old Days 2

2020-06-25T02:44:55Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */ Added more substance (and professionalism).

{{comic
| number = 2324
| date = June 24, 2020
| title = Old Days 2
| image = old_days_2.png
| titletext = The git vehicle fleet eventually pivoted to selling ice cream, but some holdovers remain. If you flag down an ice cream truck and hand the driver a floppy disk, a few hours later you'll get an invite to a git repo.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a GIT VAN. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
A sequel to [[1755: Old Days]], in this comic, a (young) [[Cueball]] is learning about the early days of the Internet from an (old) [[Hairbun]]. Most of her description is laughably fanciful but Cueball reacts with amazed belief. So either this is an alternate universe, or else Hairbun is wickedly pulling the leg of a naive Cueball.

The claims:

* The cloud was smaller and called a "Mainframe" and was near Sacramento.
**This is false even accepting the premise that Hairbun is describing the early Internet, and not instead how computing was before the Internet. There was no cloud for remote storage in the early Internet. Yes, there were multiple {{w|mainframe computer}}s connected together.
* It was on the state landline.
** This is probably meant to astonish Cueball, who in this context may associate {{w|landline}}s (i.e. hard wired telephone connections) with an imagined stone age technology, and which nobody today uses for anything at all. And of course even in the age of all landlines, there was never such a thing as "the state landline", imagined as an immense shared party line to which the governor would have priority access for making calls. This could be a reference to early {{w|dial-up modem}}s, which ''did'' use landlines, and so users would have to disconnect from the Internet for making phone calls.
* No memory protection; instead, people would call around to ask whether anyone else using an address, and Microsoft's early foothold in computing was because of Bill Gates lying about his usage of addresses.
** Memory protection is coded preventative measures designed to stop an outsider (or another thread running in the code) from accessing and editing the memory on a device unauthorized, to avoid tampering with or corrupting it. Hairbun is correct in that this sort of code was not well-developed early on, but she claims that there wasn't any centralized management of the memory at all, and the only way to check if editing a particular address in the Mainframe was safe was physically asking all the other developers if they were already making changes to it. Her implication is that Bill Gates took advantage of this honor system to restrict people not working for Microsoft from making changes, allowing the company to take ownership of a lot of code.
* "Git" was a van that drove around gathering tapes to copy, and the term "pull request" came from the van physically pulling over when signaled with an air horn.
** {{w|Git}} is a {{w|version control system}}, which employs and manages a centralized copy of a coding project to prevent and resolve conflicts from multiple people editing the project at once. It works by having individual contributors {{w|Pull request|pull}} the project onto their device, make their changes, and then push those changes back to the master copy to be integrated into it. Data used to be stored on cartridges of {{w|magnetic tape}}; in order for version control to exist at this time, there would have to be a master tape that was copied and physically distributed to each contributor, and then the edited tapes would be gathered afterward and conflicts resolved. Hairbun claims that Git provided this service back then using vans. In reality, Git did not exist until 2005, long after digital computers and networked servers became widely accessible and the "early internet" was history.
* Before terminals we all used punch cards, which were originally developed to control looms, and so the looms would produce sweaters when code was run.
** This last statement is completely nonsensical. It is true that looms were driven by {{w|punch card}}s (dating back to 1745), and so were early computers and at the same time ({{w|Charles Babbage}} used them around 1830 to control his Analytical Engine). However, Hairbun's statement is that because of this, the ''same'' punch card machines would run both ''simultaneously'', such that feeding one cards to compile code would necessarily cause a sweater to be produced by the connected loom, which was then sent to the developer. It's not even likely that any punch patterns used in computer coding would be interpretable as valid sweater-creating instructions.
* (From the title text) You can still hand in a floppy disk to an ice cream truck and get an invite to a git repo a few hours later.
** Git repo is short for Git {{w|Repository (version control)|repository}}, the place where all the files associated with a project are stored. Apparently, Hairbun believes that modern ice cream truck drivers service Git in the same way she says the vans did before and that it's still possible to give them a floppy disk (an early magnetism-based storage device) in order to gain access to a repo. The ice cream industry has no connection to computing{{Citation needed}}.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
:[In a slim panel, Cueball and Hairbun are walking together to the right. Hairbun has her palm raised.]
:Cueball: What was the Internet like in the olden days, for a developer?
:Hairbun: Oh, things were very different.

:[Cueball and Hairbun have stopped walking. Zoomed in on Hairbun.]
:Hairbun: The cloud was a lot smaller. It was called a "mainframe" and it was near Sacramento.
:Hairbun: It was on the state landline, so the whole industry paused when the governor had to make a phone call.

:[Zoomed back out. Hairbun has her palm raised.]
:Hairbun: There was no memory protection. If you wanted to write to an address, you would call around to ask whether anyone else was using it.
:Hairbun: Often Bill Gates would say he was, even when he wasn't. That's how Microsoft got its early foothold.
:Cueball: Wow.

:[Zoomed back in Hairbun. Cueball responds off-screen.]
:Hairbun: "Git" was originally a van that circled around gathering data tapes to copy and distribute. We all took turns driving it.
:Hairbun: When you saw it coming you'd blow an air horn to request that it pull over.
:Hairbun: That's where "pull request" came from.
:Cueball (off-screen): Oh, neat!

:[Cueball and Hairbun continue walking to the right. Hairbun has her palm raised.]
:Hairbun: Before terminals, we all used punch cards, which were originally developed to control looms.
:Hairbun: Early mainframes would produce a sweater each time you ran your code.
:Hairbun: Eventually we got them to stop. We had enough sweaters.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairbun]]
[[Category:Old Days]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|Old Days]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:Programming]]
[[Category:Computers]]
[[Category:Version Control]]

2242: Ground vs Air

2019-12-17T14:11:20Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */ Cleaned up the order of points and also the grammar.

{{comic
| number = 2242
| date = December 16, 2019
| title = Ground vs Air
| image = ground vs air.png
| titletext = Water is thinner than both, and fire is *definitely* thicker.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a THICK FIRE. More on the general thickness of the "ground", especially on the oceans and at the thickest parts. Needs more about the actual data portrayed.}}
This comic depicts a map of the world, using the {{w|Winkel tripel projection}}, comparing the thickness of the ground, which refers to the {{w|lithosphere}}, to the thickness of the air above it, which refers to the {{w|atmosphere}}.

In an inserted figure, Randall defines the thickness using three boundaries. At the top is {{w|space}}, defined by the {{w|Kármán line}} at an altitude of 100 km (≈ 62 mi). Below that is the atmosphere which goes down to the ground, where [[Cueball]] is standing, including the ocean down to the seafloor as indicated on the left side. Beneath the surface is the lithosphere, also known as the Earth's crust, and beneath this is the {{w|Asthenosphere}}, the highly viscous region of the {{w|upper mantle}} of the Earth. The two measurements are between space and the surface, and the surface to the asthenosphere.

The map shades in the parts where the second measurement is thicker than the first. This almost only occurs over continents, and certainly only where the continental plates are located (which can stretch into the shallow parts of the oceans). But there are several sections, such as in the Caribbean and the Sea of Japan, where the ground is thicker even being below sea level.

Randall has mainly used a work by Conrad and Lithgow-Bertelloni from 2006 to estimate the thickness of the "ground", and he gives the reference to the paper [https://agupubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1029/2005GL025621 DOI.1029/2005GL025621]. Basically, Randall has taken their map and shaded the blue areas. It is the second comic in a row with a citation, after the footnote in [[2241: Brussels Sprouts Mandela Effect]].

[[Randall]] always uses the Kármán line as the boundary between Earth's atmosphere and space. He has previously mocked the alternative definition of the atmosphere boundary (at 80 km ≈ 50 mi) used by US Air Force and NASA in the title text [[1375: Astronaut Vandalism]]. That definition would, of course, have resulted in a significantly different picture where the ''air'' is thicker than the ''ground'' only inside small areas around mid-ocean ridges.

The title text referrers to the ancient four {{w|classical element}}s earth, water, air, fire. The lithosphere, or ground, is earth, the oceans is water, the atmosphere is air, and fire would thus be the various magma layers underneath the crust down to the center of the core. See [[913: Core]]. The water layer on Earth is never more than 11 km deep at the {{w|Mariana Trench}}, and thus cannot compare to the thickness of the atmosphere or the lithosphere. Whereas there is fire all the way into the core so this layer is either 6000 km thick, or 12000 km, depending if Randall would look at the depth to the center or to the entire diameter of Earth. In either case it would always be much thicker than the roughly 100 km or the other two layers.

In [[977: Map Projections]] the [[977:_Map_Projections#Winkel-Tripel|Winkel-Tripel projection]] is the fifth projection which is linked to the {{w|Hipster (contemporary subculture)|hipster}} subculture.

==Transcript==
:[Caption above the drawing]:
:Which is thicker—the ground or the air?

:[The drawing shows a Winkel tripel projection of the Earth. The features of the main map is unlabeled, with only the outlines of the landmasses present. Various parts of the map are labeled with "Air" (four times) or "Ground (5 times)." Areas marked as "Ground" are differentiated with gray shading. These are always over large landmasses or close to them. They cover most of North America (labeled), the northern part of South America (labeled), Northern Europe and most of Asia (labeled), Japan, Most of Australia and part of sea above, Western Africa, the part of Africa beneath Equator (labeled), and finally the central parts of Antarctica (labeled). Air is written on the East coast of America, in the Atlantic Ocean, over the central part of Africa and in the Pacific Ocean east of China.]
:[Over East coast of America]: Air
:[Over North America]: Ground
:[Over Atlantic Ocean]: Air
:[Over South America]: Ground
:[Over central part of Africa]: Air
:[Over south part of Africa]: Ground
:[Over Asia]: Ground
:[Over Pacific Ocean]: Air
:[Over Antarctica ]: Ground

:[A small diagram is present in the Pacific Ocean left of South America. The diagram depicts several labeled layers of Earth and its atmosphere, listed below. Cueball, a body of water, and several mountains are shown on the flat surface part of the diagram, with the ocean floor lower than where Cueball stand. Above is a line representing the border to space. The line beneath the surface is much more curved going both up and down. Two double arrows representing the thickness of the atmosphere and the Lithosphere are drawn between the surface and the layers above and below. Another curved double arrow is pointing to each of these distances and it is marked with a question mark in the middle of the line.]
:Space
:Atmosphere
:Lithosphere
:Asthenosphere
:?

:[In the bottom right corner of the comic with gray text is a reference:]
:Based mostly on Conrad and Lithgow-Bertelloni (2006) DOI.1029/2005GL025621

{{comic discussion}}


[[Category: Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Maps]]
[[Category:Geology]]
[[Category:Space]]

Talk:2212: Cell Phone Functions

2019-10-07T14:38:53Z

Dry Paratroopa: xkcd phones

I know of someone who DID build a taser into a phone... (but that's all it is now, was no space for the phone's electronics anymore) [[Special:Contributions/172.69.54.39|172.69.54.39]] 08:05, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
: Well, there are actual commercial taser phone cases available for purchase today - [https://youtu.be/XaJSYxit1qI here's one example]. Not necessarily a good idea and not legal everywhere, but it exists. --[[User:NeatNit|NeatNit]] ([[User talk:NeatNit|talk]]) 12:03, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

It seems a bit peculiar that one of the move "obvious" devices a cellphone can replace is missing: the watch. [[User:JohnHawkinson|JohnHawkinson]] ([[User talk:JohnHawkinson|talk]]) 08:18, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
: That's because no one sane would do that ;) Some may use a Smart Watch instead of a classic watch but except of the case when you were used to pocket watches anyways a replacement of a wacth by a phone would be a downgrade usability wise. /edit: That being said: My personal "Now" bar is at the first quarter (more or less at the web browser's bar end) [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 08:29, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

:: I realize it's unlikely you're being entirely serious here, but the same argument applies to almost all of the devices listed in this comic. So…no, that's not the reason for its omission. [[User:JohnHawkinson|JohnHawkinson]] ([[User talk:JohnHawkinson|talk]]) 08:33, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
::: Actually I was dead serious. Well except of the "no one sane" part. I don't want to offend anyone :) In the time you take your phone out of the pocket to check the time I've looked thrice at my wrist watch [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 08:54, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
:::: The time taken isn't awfully relevant, unless you're checking the time awfully frequently. For the number of times a day I need to check the time when I'm not at a computer or already looking at my phone, the convenience of a wristwatch could easily be outweighed by the inconvenience of taking it off and putting in on each day. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.178.69|162.158.178.69]] 09:34, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
::::: Assuming you'd put it off. ;) (Despite the emoticon I'm serious again. I only put my watch off to change the battery) And even if I would put it off it would be more likely I forgot my phone on my desk than forgetting to put the watch on. I'm wearing a wrist watch since I was 8 or 9. But granted, the time is not as relevant as the fact that you have to put a device from out of somewhere and push a button to activate the screen just to check time. But in the end it's just a matter of personal taste and habit, I guess. [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 10:02, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
:::: A phone in the pocket is infinitely better for me than a watch because watches make the skin underneath the wristband itch from the continuous contact. (I have atopic dermatitis.) -- [[Special:Contributions/162.158.93.135|162.158.93.135]] 13:35, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
: there was a brief period between ubiquitous cell/mobile phone use and the advent of the smartwatch where experts predicted the demise of the watch other than as a piece of jewellery [[User:Boatster|Boatster]] ([[User talk:Boatster|talk]]) 08:46, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
: I always hated wearing a watch - I do sometimes use my phone for finding the time - but "Hey Google - what time is it?" works without taking it out of my pocket. The thing is though - watches were obsolete before the smartphone existed. When just about 100% of electronic devices have clock display - my cooker, microwave, toaster, car, TV, computer, etc, etc ALL tell me the time. Why would I need a watch? SmartWatches seem like a retrograde step. [[User:SteveBaker|SteveBaker]] ([[User talk:SteveBaker|talk]]) 13:17, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
:: Well, with a watch you always know, where to look, especially when not in your own home. So just looking at your own wrist is much faster, then scanning your enviroment for the nearest screen. --[[User:Lupo|Lupo]] ([[User talk:Lupo|talk]]) 13:29, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

Try to translate "die eierlegende Wollmilchsau"
[[Special:Contributions/162.158.89.97|162.158.89.97]] 09:52, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

There is a terrible movie - [[Wikipedia:Shorts: The Adventures of the Wishing Rock|Shorts: The Adventures of the Wishing Rock]] - where everyone has a device called The Black Box that can do all of that, as well as pretty much anything. Its function changes kind of like a Rubik's Cube. It's an obvious parody of smartphones, except that it came out right around the time they were getting popular so I'm not sure if smartphones are the true inspiration. I can't recommend that movie (really, it's awful) but this comic reminded me of it and I wanted to share. --[[User:NeatNit|NeatNit]] ([[User talk:NeatNit|talk]]) 10:11, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

Re: steering wheel, there was a James Bond movie (Pierce Brosnan era I think) where he could control a car from a phone (they were not yet called smartphones at the time). I wouldn't be surprised that the technology has already been implemented, even though I don't want to think of the legal consequences if this became mainstream: "Honestly officer, I wasn't LOOKING at my phone, I was DRIVING my car!"[[Special:Contributions/162.158.155.110|162.158.155.110]] 11:30, 7 October 2019 (UTC)
: sure it's *technically* possible: all you need is to pair the gyro/accelerometer of your phone with your car's servo steering. any vehicle with a parking assistant can be controlled that way (and security researchers have demonstrated that in impressive talks back in 2015: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OobLb1McxnI). [[User:Gir|-- //gir.st/]] ([[User talk:Gir|talk]]) 11:37, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

I've written a first draft of the explanation and transcript, but I don't have time for anything else today. It turned out more high-flown than I intended, so feel free to reword as necessary. Also, because I'm sure it'll come up eventually, regarding the transcript: since Randall has not given any time scale, we should refrain from over-interpreting when something happened. For the joke to get through, knowing which elements happened in the past and which (might) happen in the future is enough. [[User:Gir|-- //gir.st/]] ([[User talk:Gir|talk]]) 11:33, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

Hmmm - so let's fact check this:
* My phone is indeed being used as a car key (I own a Tesla and my phone unlocks the car and lets me drive it), phone, camera, newspaper, credit card and flashlight - so short bars for all of these is good.
* As a TV remote, that could be true - but we're actually edging into a "post-phone" era on that one. I can (and occasionally do) use my phone to control the Roku - but it's easier to use voice commands through Google Home for that...although I suppose I could use the phone to run Google Home instead of the Google Mini in my living room...so 50/50 on being "post-phone" on this one.
* As a Web Browser, I could use the phone - but only rarely actually do that. Mostly I use my ChromeBook for that, and also the screen on my Tesla - the piddly little cellphone screen guarantees it won't take over that role for more than 10% of the time.
* He missed out "Text messaging" - but I'm using the phone less and less for that because having a decent keyboard is good - so the ChromeBook is stealing that capability.
* Steering wheel...well, the Tesla already steers itself about 80% of the time that I drive. I predict that the steering wheel will cease to exist (at least for me) before I use my phone for that...although it certainly is capable of it in theory...and I'm pretty sure Tesla demonstrated the car being used as a radio controlled toy from a phone a few years ago...although it never made it into production (mercifully!).
* You probably could use a phone as a bird feeder (for smaller birds - draping a dead rabbit over it to attract vultures might be a bad idea).
* All of the others are well into the future...so I agree with him on those.
[[User:SteveBaker|SteveBaker]] ([[User talk:SteveBaker|talk]]) 13:13, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

I feel like we could/should be reading this more literally. If we assume that Randall lives on the fairly early edge of technology, then the time from the left side of the chart to now is ~25 years. If we also assume that the time axis is linear, then we should be driving our cars with our phones in 7-8 years (though I can now drive my car through a parking lot at least using my phone, it's still doing the steering for me). Sadly brushing our teeth is still about 20 years out according to this prediction, however maybe by then our phones will be able to do some sort of ultrasonic cleaning. [[User:Jasonk|Jasonk]] ([[User talk:Jasonk|talk]]) 13:58, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

It seems like it would be good to reference Randall's [[:Category:xkcd Phones|rather unusual phone function proposals]] in the explanation. Perhaps he's suggesting that these phones will become commonly used (or at least used by him) in the future. [[User:Dry Paratroopa|Dry Paratroopa]] ([[User talk:Dry Paratroopa|talk]]) 14:38, 7 October 2019 (UTC)

2155: Swimming

2019-05-27T19:38:45Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 2155
| date = May 27, 2019
| title = Swimming
| image = swimming.png
| titletext = "You don't know how high above you the sky goes, but you're not freaking out about that." "Well, NOW I am!"
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a CONTINENTAL SHELF. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
This comic is about an irrational fear about the depth of water beneath oneself. Whenever you don't explicitly know how deep the water is, and cannot see the bottom, there is nothing preventing the sea/lake/riverbed from being exceptionally far away. This phenomenon is actually quite common with many bodies of water having a relatively shallow shelf extending a short ways out from land. These typically end with little to no warning, giving rise to the fear that is depicted here.

===Related comics===
Randall provided the depths of various bodies of water without mentioning any specific fears in [[1040: Lakes and Oceans]].
The title text may be a reference to [[1115: Sky]], where [[Megan]] similarly starts freaking out about the depth of the sky.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

Comic is a single panel - 6-7 times higher than it is wide.

Megan - neck deep in water - standing near an extreme drop off. (Continental shelf?) This part of the comic is the very top, and the characters are drawn much smaller than usual.

"It's OK, I can still touch bottom here."

As you scroll down the tall image there are some deep water fish a person and an octopus, a bottom ledge with a beach umbrella on it, and another drop off.

Caption:
I love swimming, but occasionally I realize I don't know how deep the water under me is and it freaks me out.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Large drawings‏‎]]

488: Steal This Comic

2019-04-03T20:01:22Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Explanation */ Rewrote most of it to remove long-winded explanations and unnecessary details.

{{comic
| number = 488
| date = October 13, 2008
| title = Steal This Comic
| image = steal_this_comic.png
| titletext = I spent more time trying to get an audible.com audiobook playing than it took to listen to the book. I have lost every other piece of DRM-locked music that I ever paid for.
}}

==Explanation==
{{w|DRM}}, an acronym standing for Digital Rights Management, is a recent anti-piracy mechanism that is used to prevent unapproved or unintended use of software programs. Examples would be a requirement to play a video game while online (where the servers can validate that the game has not been hacked) or allowing only a limited amount of installations to ensure that different users are buying the program for themselves instead of sharing it. The problem is that there are ways that DRM can be restrictive even upon legal situations. Someone may simply want to play the game in an area where there is no Internet connection, or they may have exceeded the amount of allowed installs due to installation problems or hardware malfunctions requiring the purchase of new hardware. In the audio situation described in the comic, one could not, say, transfer an audiobook or song from an iPod to a Blackberry phone, because Apple does not allow files on its operating system to be used on ones from other companies. For this reason, DRM has also been referred to derisively as [http://www.defectivebydesign.org/ "Digital Restrictions Management"].

[[Black Hat]] uses a [[:Category:Flowcharts|flow chart]] to propose two paths:
*If you pirate the audio, the DRM would necessarily be disabled or removed in order to be available in that fashion. This is in violation of copyright law and is also considered theft since it avoids payment to the publishers, performers, composers, etc. who created the audio.

*If you buy the DRM-locked audio, you have legally obtained it for use on your device. However, as Black Hat puts it, "things change": the device you have the audio stored on could be lost, stolen, or broken. The device will inevitably get old enough that the company that made it will stop supporting updates for it, and newer software may no longer be compatible with it. In the worst case scenario, [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/oct/24/apple-samsung-fined-for-slowing-down-phones the device may be sabotaged by the company]. If the DRM prevents the audio from being recovered or transferred from the device or allows [http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2009/jul/17/amazon-kindle-1984 the service providing you with the audio to delete it], you would have to pay for it a second time to re-obtain it legally, which no one wants to do. The only other solution is breaking the DRM to try and recover your collection by force, and Black Hat argues that this is inevitable.

Since both situations have you end up being a criminal, Black Hat proposes taking the pirate path, which leaves you with a collection of dependable audio for free. In the title-text, [[Randall]] gives an anecdote of how ridiculous it was to obtain an audiobook legally, and how all of his other legally-obtained music has been lost, as the flow chart predicts.

In light of this, he proposes another option: demanding DRM-free files.

It's worth noting that there are other methods of listening to music legally that avoid the problems presented in the comic:
*You can purchase a hard copy of the audio (e.g. a CD). These are then easily ripped to your hard-drive and then copied to other devices, plus a physical item can be useful for older sound systems that do not support digital media. However, there are some downsides: higher cost, delayed delivery, necessity of physical storage space, wearing down of the physical device, and in many cases the non-availability of the desired audio in the first place.
*You can decide instead to think of audio as an experience rather than a thing that you own (similar to going to a movie theater). This type of thinking has given rise to music subscription sites, such as [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotify Spotify], where instead of owning the music, the listener is paying for continued access to a very large range of music.

The title is a reference to the [http://web.archive.org/web/20080913131048/http://www.piracyisacrime.com/ "Piracy is a Crime"] ad campaign, as well as a 1970 pro-anarchy book called ''{{w|Steal This Book}}''. There is also some underlying humour: since xkcd [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.5/ is under a Creative Commons license], you can not "steal" the comic, since Randall specifically allowed the comic to be shared. It could also be a reference to ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_Download_This_Song Don't Download This Song]'', a "Weird" Al Yankovic song that amusingly deals with audio piracy.

A note on the site says that [http://www.amazon.com Amazon] sells DRM-free music files. Since this comic was written, iTunes has also stopped using DRM on music, though it still protects apps, e-books, and videos.

==Transcript==
:Black Hat: Thinking of buying from audible.com or iTunes?
:Black Hat: Remember, if you pirate something, it's yours for life. You can take it anywhere and it will always work.
:[There is a flowchart whose paths are (You're a Criminal)<-Pirate<-(Buy or Pirate)->Buy->(Things Change)->(You Try to Recover Your Collection)->(You're a Criminal)]
:Black Hat: But if you buy DRM-locked media, and you ever switch operating systems or new technology comes along, your collection could be lost.
:Black Hat: And if you try to keep it, you'll be a criminal ([https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/17/1201 DMCA 1201]).
:Black Hat: So remember: if you want a collection you can count on, PIRATE IT.
:Black Hat: Hey, you'll be a criminal either way.
:(If you don't like this, demand DRM-free files)

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Flowcharts]]

2085: arXiv

2018-12-15T06:09:26Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 2085
| date = December 14, 2018
| title = arXiv
| image = arxiv.png
| titletext = Both arXiv and archive.org are invaluable projects which, if they didn't exist, we would dismiss as obviously ridiculous and unworkable.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a BOT. Please mention here why this explanation isn't complete. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

{{w|ArXiv}} is a [https://arxiv.org free online repository of electronic preprints of scientific papers] in various fields, particularly in physics, math, and computer science. Scientists typically publish "preprint" versions of journal articles to arXiv, which are free to publish to and read. In this comic [[Megan]] remarks that academic journals must have a hard time getting by, since their primary revenue is from researchers who pay to publish articles and readers who pay for subscriptions. Her remark seems to assume that arXiv must be a recent development, perhaps similar to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sci-Hub sci-hub project] which began in 2011. However, [[Ponytail]] informs her that the arXiv project has been around since the 1990s (1991 to be exact).

After a panel of [[Megan]] looking contemplative, she remarks that that does not make sense at all. After all, why would publishing companies be able to make money from something that is free online? [[Ponytail]] tries to stop her from freaking out, so that her outrage does not inform others about the current arrangement and thus ruin the system.

[[Ponytail]] expressing confusion about the continued existence of scientific journals previously happened in [[2025: Peer Review]].

The title text refers to another project that is invaluable for internet research, {{w|archive.org}} [https://archive.org (link)]. It argues that these two projects are so useful, yet make so little economic sense, that, if they did not exist, we would dismiss them as ideas that would never be viable.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
:[Megan and Ponytail are standing together. Megan is talking to Ponytail.]
:Megan: Wait, all the papers in your field are posted as free PDFs on ArXiv? That must be killing big science journals, since they charge such huge subscription/publication fees.
:[Ponytail responds with her arms up.]
:Ponytail: Nah, we've been doing it since the 90s and nobody seems to care.
:[Megan contemplates, speechless.]

:[Megan slightly raises her arms and Ponytail puts up a hand to shush her.]
:Megan: That makes no sense at all!!
:Ponytail: ''Shhh, you'll jinx it!''

{{comic discussion}}

1957: 2018 CVE List

2018-02-19T19:31:52Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 1957
| date = February 19, 2018
| title = 2018 CVE List
| image = 2018_cve_list.png
| titletext = CVE-2018-?????: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by HACKING THIS WIKI VIA THE EDIT BOX - The explanation looks like a list. Explain the comic and put the security vulnerabilities in a table. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

{{w|Common Vulnerabilities and Exposures|CVE}} (Common Vulnerabilities and Exposures) is a standardized format for assigning an identity to a cybersecurity vulnerability (similar to the way that astronomical bodies are assigned unique identifiers by committees). Giving vulnerabilities a unique identifier makes them easier to talk about and helps in keeping track of the progress made toward resolving them. The typical format of a CVE identifier is '''CVE-[YEAR]-[NUMBER]'''. For example, the CVE identifier for 2017's widespread {{w|Meltdown (security vulnerability|Meltdown vulnerability}} is [https://cve.mitre.org/cgi-bin/cvename.cgi?name=CVE-2017-5754 CVE-2017-5754]. CVEs also contain a short description of the issue.

In this comic (released in February 2018), Randall presents a number of spurious predicted CVEs for later in 2018. Each CVE identifier is given as "CVE-2018-?????", reflecting the fact that they have not yet happened so we don't know exactly what their CVE identifier will be.

{|class="wikitable"
! style="width: 30%;" | Security Vulnerability
! style="width: 70%;" | Notes
|-
|Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.
|This refers to a real vulnerability in iOS and MacOS publicized a few days before the comic released <ref>https://techcrunch.com/2018/02/15/iphone-text-bomb-ios-mac-crash-apple/</ref>, as well as past similar iOS vulnerabilities<ref>https://thenextweb.com/apps/2017/01/18/iphone-ipad-apple-text-ios-bug/</ref><ref>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2018/01/18/apple-text-bomb-can-crash-iphones-single-message/</ref>.
|-
|An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit [''sic''] a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.
|Timing Attack to exploit a race condition in garbage collection refers to Meltdown and Spectre CPU flaws that can be exploited in cloud server like the ones in Wikipedia. {{w|Claude Shannon}} was an early and highly influential information scientist whose work underlies compression, encryption, security, and the theory behind how information is encoded into binary digits - hence the pertinence of extracting just some of the bits from his Wikipedia entry.
|-
|At the cafe on Third Street, the Post-it note with the WiFi password is visible from the sidewalk.
|Writing passwords in a visible place is a major security flaw. For instance, following the [[wikipedia:2018 Hawaii false missile alert|2018 Hawaii false missile alert]] the agency received criticism for a press photo showing a password written on a sticky note attached to a monitor.<ref>http://uk.businessinsider.com/hawaii-emergency-agency-password-discovered-in-photo-sparks-security-criticism-2018-1?r=US&IR=T</ref> However, if a cafe posts their wifi password for customers, this suggests that it's ''supposed'' to be public knowledge. However, being visible from outside would allow people to use the wifi without ever entering the building or purchasing anything.
|-
|A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.
|Describes a common feature on news sites or social media sites like Facebook. The possibility for users to "inject" text into the page is by design. This is a humorous reference to the relatively common security vulnerability "[[Wikipedia:Cross-site_scripting|persistent cross-site scripting]]", where input provided by the user is displayed to other users in a dangerous fashion that allows attackers to inject arbitrary HTML or Javascript code into e.g. a comment section. It might also be a humorous reference to the events before, during and after the 2016 US Presidential elections where Internet Research Agency employees based remotely in St. Petersburg, Russia, but disguised as US citizens, "injected" arbitrary text in the form of political propaganda into comments on multiple web sites, according to an indictment returned by a federal grand jury on February 16, 2018.
|-
|MySQL server 5.5.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."
|Some people pronounce "{{w|SQL}}" like "sequel", after SQL's predecessor "SEQUEL (Structured English Query Language)". The standard for SQL suggests that it should be pronounced as separate letters; however, the author of SQL pronounces it "sequel", so the debate is persisting (with even more justification than arguments about how to pronounce "GIF"). MySQL is an open-source relational database management system, the latest GA version (at the time of writing) is MySQL 5.7.
|-
|A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.
|{{w|Privilege escalation}} refers to any illegitimate means of giving a system user greater privilege than they are supposed to have, and most hackers will seek to achieve this if they can. The most highly-sought privilege is that of the root user, which allows complete access to an entire system.

This CVE, however, presents the reverse situation; that a flaw can allow a root user to ''de-escalate'', the exact opposite of what a hacker would want to achieve.{{Citation needed}} (In any case, the root user can always de-escalate manually if they so choose, as they have complete control).
|-
|Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.
|Diacritics are the accents found on letters in some languages (eg. č, ģ ķ, ļ, ņ, š, ž). These would not be found on emojis. It is also a reference to a common problem of modern gadgets catching fire (usually related to flaws in Lithium-Ion batteries).
|-
|An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.
|This likely refers to the movie {{w|Air Bud}}. It is a movie about a dog playing basketball. This has been a common theme in xkcd comics, see [[115: Meerkat]], [[1439: Rack Unit]], [[1819: Sweet 16]], [[1552: Rulebook]]
|-
|Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. computer [''sic''] in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.
|{{w|Haskell}} is a functional programming language, functional programming is characterized by using functions that don't have side effects in other parts of the program. The joke here is discovering that indeed it does have side-effects, but for some unknown (and highly absurd) reason they only manifest on a specific computer in a nondescript location, but no one has noticed.
|-
|Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.
|[[wikipedia:Hypervisor|"Hypervisors"]] are a tool for computer virtualization. Virtualization is an extremely complex topic, as it requires a computer to completely emulate a different computer with its own unique hardware and software. Many IT professionals and businesses rely heavily on various forms of virtualization, but the individual employees would be hard-pressed to explain how it works. Meltdown and Specter are related to this.
|-
|Critical: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.
|This joke is about arcane systems that are running Linux in exceedingly unique situations, such that reproducing the error would be incredibly difficult or inconvenient, and would only affect a very tiny user base (if any at all). Other xkcd comics make references to such obscure computer-time issues relating to time zones and time conversions, and how many programmers find these issues frustrating or even traumatizing. UTC+14 is a time zone used only on some islands in the Pacific Ocean, i.e., [[Wikipedia:Line_Islands|the Line Islands]], and is also the earliest time zone on earth. The joke continues by stating that even if all of these absurd conditions were met, the resulting vulnerability would still be relatively benign: simply changing a user's preferred clock display format.
|-
|x86 has way too many instructions.
|The x86 architecture is considered "CISC" (a "complex instruction set computer"), having many instructions originally provided to make programming by a human simpler; other examples include the 68000 series used in the first Apple Mac. In the 1980s, this design philosophy was countered by the "RISC" ("reduced instruction set computer") design movement exemplified by SPARC, MIPS, PowerPC (previously used by Apple) and the ARM chips common in mobile phones - based on the observation that computer programs were increasingly generated by compilers (which only used a few instructions) rather than directly by people, and that the chip area dedicated to extra instructions could be better dedicated to, for example, cache. At the time, there was an internet war about the merits of each approach (with the Mac and PC being on different sides, at one time; owners of other competing systems such as the Archimedes and Amiga had similar arguments on usenet in the early 1990s); this "issue" may be posted by someone who still recalls these debates. Technically, the extra instructions do slightly complicate the task of validating correct chip behaviour and complicate the tool chains that manage software, which could be seen as a minor security risk; however, the 64-bit architecture introduced by AMD and since adopted by Intel does rationalise things somewhat, and all recent x86 chips break down instructions into RISC-like micro-operations, so the complication from a hardware perspective is localised. Recent security issues such as the speculative cache load issue in Meltdown and Spectre depend more on details of implementation rather than instruction set, and have been exhibited both by x86 (CISC) and ARM (RISC) processors.
|-
|NumPy 1.8.0 can factor primes in ''O''(log ''n'') time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.
|NumPy is the fundamental package for scientific computing with Python. If something can find the prime factors of a number this quickly, especially a [[wikipedia:semiprime|semiprime]] with two large factors, there are attacks to break many crypto functions used in internet security. However, prime numbers have only a single factor, and "factoring primes" quickly is a simpler problem, that of [[wikipedia:Primality test|proving that a number is in fact a prime]].
|-
|Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.
|Another joke on the first CVE and a common English writing rule of thumb, which fails almost as often as it succeeds. Possibly a jab at Apple's image, portraying their software as unable to handle improper grammar or spelling.
|-
|Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.
|Skylake x86 chips are a line of microprocessors made by Intel. Yes, you can forcefully remove any processor from its socket with a screwdriver.{{Citation needed}} There are many reports from people not using common sense.
|-
|Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.
|{{w|Linus Torvalds}} is the benevolent dictator of the Linux kernel codebase. Normally it is hard to pass a change because he has the last word about what merge to the code base because that code is replicated in all Linux installations, but apparently he is easy to bribe, which would be a severe critical vulnerability to all Linux servers and machines.
|-
|An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.
|The point of an attack is to make someone else's machine perform actions against the owner's will. Anyone can make their own machine execute any code{{Citation needed}}, but this would usually not be described as an attack except in the case of a locked-down appliance, such as a video game console or pay TV decoder.
|-
|Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.
|This could refer to a CVE vulnerability of JPG files where javascript embedded within the image file is executed by some application, only this time is in a printed photo instead of encoded into the image itself.
|-
|Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.
|Flash was discontinued because of its notoriously abysmal security record. All security experts advise against install. The joke here relates to the perceived difficulty with keeping Flash up to date or even installed properly to begin with. A common user experience which is the subject of numerous jokes and memes is the constant nagging notification to install or update Flash in order for web pages to display properly. While anecdotal, many IT professionals will bemoan the trouble that Flash has given them in the workplace due to these notifications and problems related to them.
|-
|Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.
|This refers to a computer meme where replace "cloud" with "other people's computers" must be used in all marketing presentation to CEOs and not computer literate persons to evaluate the security impact of using "Cloud services". Part of the humor here is that "the cloud", in actuality, is simply a term for hosted services, i.e., computers being run by other people (typically businesses that specialize in this type of "Platform As A Service" or "PAAS" service model). Calling "the cloud" as "other people's computers" is, at its core, entirely accurate, though it takes away the business jargon and simplifies the situation in such a way that it might cast doubt on the security, reliability, and general effectiveness of using "cloud" solutions.
|-
|A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[[779|[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]]]
|Mitre's CVE database is the database where all CVE are stored. This log message forms the punchline of the comic, as it implies that all of the exaggerated error messages above were inserted by hackers exploiting the vulnerability. To pour salt in the wound, they then included in a typical spam link purporting to offer cheap viagra.
|-
|It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat.
|Appears in the title text. {{w|Bruce Schneier}} is security researcher and blogger. He was mentioned in the title texts of [[748: Worst-Case Scenario]] and [[1039: RuBisCO]]. The "two kids in a trenchcoat" is a reference to the {{tvtropes|TotemPoleTrench|Totem Pole Trench}} trope.
|}

== References ==
<references/>

==Transcript==
LEAKED LIST OF MAJOR 2018 SECURITY VULNERABILITIES

CVE-2018-????? Apple products crash when displaying certain Telugu or Bengali letter combinations.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can use a timing attack to extploit a race condition in garbage collection to extract a limited number of bits from the Wikipedia article on Claude Shannon.

CVE-2018-????? At the cafe on Third Street, the Post-it note with the WiFi password is visible from the sidewalk.

CVE-2018-????? A remote attacker can inject arbitrary text into public-facing pages via the comments box.

CVE-2018-????? MySQL server 5.5.45 secretly runs two parallel databases for people who say "S-Q-L" and "sequel."

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in some x86 CPUs could allow a root user to de-escalate to normal account privileges.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products catch fire when displaying emoji with diacritics.

CVE-2018-????? An oversight in the rules allows a dog to join a basketball team.

CUE-2018-????? Haskell isn't side-effect-free after all; the effects are all just concentrated in this one. computer in Missouri that no one's checked on in a while.

CVE-2018-????? Nobody really knows how hypervisors work.

CVE-2018-????? Critical: Under Linux 3.14.8 on System/390 in a UTC+14 time zone, a local user could potentially use a buffer overflow to change another user's default system clock from 12-hour to 24-hour.

CVE-2018-????? x86 has way too many instructions.

CVE-2018-????? NumPy 1.8.0 can factor primes in ''O''(log ''n'') time and must be quietly deprecated before anyone notices.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products grant remote access if you send them words that break the "I before E" rule.

CVE-2018-????? Skylake x86 chips can be pried from their sockets using certain flathead screwdrivers.

CVE-2018-????? Apparently Linus Torvalds can be bribed pretty easily.

CVE-2018-????? An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.

CVE-2018-????? Apple products execute any code printed over a photo of a dog with a saddle and a baby riding it.

CVE-2018-????? Under rare circumstances, a flaw in some versions of Windows could allow Flash to be installed.

CVE-2018-????? Turns out the cloud is just other people's computers.

CVE-2018-????? A flaw in Mitre's CVE database allows arbitrary code insertion.[~~CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP VIAGRA~~]

{{comic discussion}}

1942: Memorable Quotes

2018-01-15T21:37:03Z

Dry Paratroopa: Added explanations for the remaining two quotes.

{{comic
| number = 1942
| date = January 15, 2018
| title = Memorable Quotes
| image = memorable_quotes.png
| titletext = "Since there's no ending quote mark, everything after this is part of my quote. —Randall Munroe
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Finish adding the explanations for all quotes, and make sure none of the explanations are pithy or self-evident.}}
This comic "helpfully" provides random quotes to be used by anyone as {{w|blurb}}s, online reviews, motivational quotes or similar short bits of text. Either the webcomic xkcd or its creator Randall Munroe may be quoted using any of the provided lines, as stated at the top of the comic.

In particular, their "usefulness" lies in the fact that almost any of them can be applied to almost any situation. This is achieved by making each quote not really about anything in particular, aside from the fact that they are quotes. This is in contrast to typical quotes, which are never quite this aware that they will be quoted, but this is to be expected when the lines here were made solely for being quoted.

These self-aware quotes are, on a meta level, jokes about quotations generally. Most of Randall's quotes either sabotage the quoting work, reference some aspect of quotes as used in practice, or both---and it can be both when the aspects referenced are about twisting people's words to look like they agree with you.

==Table==
{| border =1 width=100% cellpadding=5 class="wikitable"
! Quote !! Explanation
|-
|''"I disagree strongly with whatever work this quote is attached to."''
|It is possible to quote someone who disagrees strongly with you in a way that looks like they do.
|-
|''"This quote was taken out of context."''
|It is just as possible to take a quote out of context to make your argument look good.
|-
|''"This quote is often falsely attributed to {{w|Mark Twain}}."''
|Many quotes are misquoted as being said by famous people (such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mark_Twain#Misattributed Mark Twain], [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dr._Seuss#Misattributed Dr. Seuss], or [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein#Misattributed Albert Einstein]). If this quote was attributed to Mark Twain, however, it would be immediately clear that either it wasn't said by him, or he was lying at the time.
|-
|''"I'm being quoted to introduce something, but I have no idea what it is and certainly don't endorse it."''
|This is likely the case for many famous, widely admired people who are often quoted for all sorts of arguments, even diametrically opposed ones.
|-
|''"This quote is very memorable."''
|One hopes this to be the case, but this quote is very forgettable because of its blandness and because of the fact that it's found in a list of far more interesting quotes.
|-
|''"I wrote this book, and the person quoting me here is taking credit for it."''
|The quote is sabotaging the work that uses it.
|-
|''"This entire thing is the quote, not just the part in quote marks." [Quote marks, brackets, and editor's note are all in the original. —Ed.]''
|The quote itself is referencing how sometimes quotes include mistakes or typographical oddities that may make the reader worry a mistake has been made by the quoting author. An editor's note can be included to assure the original was like that.
|-
|''"Websites that collect quotes are full of mistakes and never check original sources."''
|Websites that collect quotes are infamous for not checking sources. This has been parodied in many ways.
|-
|''"This quote will be the only part of this presentation you remember."''
|Randall asserts that the presentation this quote is found in will be very forgettable, making it likely that a lot of people will listen closer to prove the quote wrong.
|-
|''"Oooh, look at me, I looked up a quote!"''
|Quotes are used to add weight, wit, or authority to a work. If your quote doesn't quite manage this, however, then the inclusion of the quote might just look like you're trying to impress people.
|-
|''"If you're doing a text search in this document for the word 'butts,' the good news is that it's here, but the bad news is that it only appears in this unrelated quote."''
|This would probably occur if you decided to follow Randall's advice and include this quote in your work.
|-
|''"Wait, what if these quote marks are inside out, so everything in the rest of the document is the quotation and ''this'' part isn't? ''Duuuuude.''"''
|The quote imitates the stereotype of strange revelations being made by hippies, typically ones on drugs. If it were true, it would mean that whoever wrote the quoting work would be stealing the entire thing from somewhere, with the exception of these two weird sentences pointing it out.
|-
|''"The editors of ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'' are a bunch of cowards who don't have the guts to print this."''
|The author of this quote is apparently making a desperate attempt to get a quote published by challenging the editors of ''{{w|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations}}''.
|-
|''"This quote only looks profound when it's in a script font over a sunset."''
|Inspirational quotes are often set in a fancy font above a picture of a sunset, mountain range, beach, etc. to make them look more profound. This quote suggests that, without such formatting, it looks boring and average.
|-
|''"I don't do a lot of public speaking, so I looked up a memorable quote to start my speech, and this is what I found. OK, you're staring at me blankly, but this whole thing is a quote. I know that sounds confusing, but... you know what, never mind."''
|People often begin speeches with a memorable quote. This quote attempts to explain that it is being used as such, but it fails and gives up.
|-
|''"Sent from my iPhone"''
|This is the default email signature on an {{w|iPhone}}. Quoting this would lead the reader to think that you typed the rest of the work on your phone.
|-
|''"Since there's no ending quote mark, everything after this is part of my quote. —Randall Munroe
|Appears in the title text. Randall Munroe is saying that because there's no ending quotation mark, the rest of the book this quote is in is part of Randall's quote, including, weirdly, the piece of text after what the quote should be specifying that Randall has also said his name.
|}

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Needs some formatting}}
Looking for a quote for something?
Here are some for general use.

They can be attributed to xkcd or Randall Munroe as needed.

*"I disagree strongly with whatever work this quote is attached to."
*"This quote was taken out of context."
*"This quote is often falsely attributed to Mark Twain."
*"I'm being quoted to introduce something, but I have no idea what it is and certainly don't endorse it."
*"This quote is very memorable."
*"I wrote this book, and the person quoting me here is taking credit for it."
*"This entire thing is the quote, not just the part in quote marks." [quote marks, brackets, and editor's note are all in the original. -ED.]
*"Websites that collect quotes are full of mistakes and never check original sources."
*"This quote will be the only part of this presentation you remember."
*"Oooh, look at me, I looked up a quote!"
*"If you're doing a text search in this document for the word 'butts,' the good news is that it's here, but the bad news is that it only appears in this unrelated quote."
*"Wait, what if these quote marks are inside out, so everything in the rest of the document is the quotation and ''this'' part isn't? ''Duuuuude."
*"The editors of ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'' are a bunch of cowards who don't have the guts to print this."
*"This quote only looks profound when it's in a script font over a sunset."
*"I don't do a lot of public speaking, so I looked up a memorable quote to start my speech, and this is what I found. OK, you're staring at me blankly, but this whole thing is a quote. I know that sounds confusing, but... You know what, never mind!"
*"Sent from my iPhone."
{{comic discussion}}

1938: Meltdown and Spectre

2018-01-05T22:09:53Z

Dry Paratroopa: Major grammatical rewrite. What are these hyphens

{{comic
| number = 1938
| date = January 5, 2018
| title = Meltdown and Spectre
| image = meltdown_and_spectre.png
| titletext = New zero-day vulnerability: In addition to rowhammer, it turns out lots of servers are vulnerable to regular hammers, too.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by an unpatched computer - Please change this comment when editing this page. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
This comic was inspired by the {{w|Meltdown (security vulnerability)|Meltdown}} and {{w|Spectre (security vulnerability)|Spectre}} bugs in certain processors. These vulnerabilites were disclosed to the public the week of this comic. The bugs made big news because they broke the "walls" between programs, in some circumstances allowing malware to steal secrets from normal, bug-free programs.

The {{w|Trolley Problem}} is a thought experiment where an out-of-control trolley is heading to a junction which you have control over. Leaving the trolley as-is will cause it to kill multiple people stuck on the tracks, but switching the track will cause it to kill another person. It creates the ethical dilemma of passively causing multiple deaths versus actively causing one, and it has become widely known. Speculative execution in most CPU chips is where the computer, not knowing what will be chosen, begins processing both sides at once in advance. Once a decision is made, it proceeds with the chosen one and discards the other one. This allows it to keep on doing useful work while some slower decision is made. The "quantum" aspect of this is that in some versions of quantum theory, quantum-level particles take every possible path at once and the result is the sum of all of them.

[[Ponytail]] describes the two vulnerabilities as abusing the computer's solution to its trolley problem. The computer creates "phantom trolleys" down each of the tracks, and malware can take advantage of the quantum-esque prediction method to figure out the data the phantom trolleys are using by testing the speed in which results are produced.

Contrary to what the comic implies, in many cases both paths are not simultaneously taken during speculative execution. A {{w|Branch predictor}} may be used to select the most likely path, and the effects should be completely erased if the predicted path is incorrect. Both branch prediction and taking both paths, also known as eager evaluation, are considered speculative execution and are affected by these bugs.

The {{w|Row Hammer}} problem is something entirely different. Computer memories are organized as a two-dimensional grid of rows and columns—and are physically constructed from tiny capacitors. By applying a pattern of memory access that rapidly changes a row of capacitors, you can cause charge to overflow to nearby rows and incorrectly change their states.

Ponytail mentions that we suck at building "shared computers" because Rowhammer, Spectre, and Meltdown all break down the security divisions built between programs and between users. A hacker running a separate program in a separate account shouldn't be able to access your secrets, but these bugs allow them to. This is particularly dangerous for servers and the cloud, where different programs, websites, or even companies can be sharing the same hardware.

The title text humorously states that as well as row hammer, computer servers also can be "hacked" by regular hammers, which would destroy them. A zero-day vulnerability is an attack that takes advantage of a vulnerability that was discovered that day, and hasn't been patched. This would imply that the Rowhammer vulnerability is what inspired someone to try taking a hammer to a server.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball and Ponytail are walking.]
:Cueball: The Meltdown and Spectre exploits use "speculative execution?" What's that?
:Ponytail: You know the trolley problem? Well, for a while now, CPUs have basically been sending trolleys down '''''both''''' paths, quantum-style, while awaiting your choice. Then the unneeded "phantom" trolley disappears.

:[Ponytail framed alone, facing left. They have stopped walking.]
:Ponytail: The phantom trolley isn't supposed to touch anyone, but it turns out you can still use it to do stuff.
:Ponytail: And it can drive through walls.

:[Cueball and Ponytail are standing, facing each other.]
:Cueball: That sounds bad.
:Ponytail: Honestly, I've been assuming we were doomed ever since I learned about Rowhammer.

:Cueball: What's ''that''?
:Ponytail: If you toggle a row of memory cells on and off really fast, you can use electrical interference to flip nearby bits and—
:Cueball: Do we just suck at ... computers?
:Ponytail: Yup. Especially shared ones.

:[They resume walking to the right.]
:Cueball: So you're saying the cloud is full of phantom trolleys armed with hammers.
:Ponytail: ...Yes, that's exactly right.
:Cueball: Okay. I'll, uh... install updates?
:Ponytail: Good idea.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Computers]]

1931: Virtual Assistant

2017-12-20T18:05:49Z

Dry Paratroopa: Trimmed the explanation because it said the same thing three different times. Also included what might be motivation for specifically denying the use of botnets.

{{comic
| number = 1931
| date = December 20, 2017
| title = Virtual Assistant
| image = virtual_assistant.png
| titletext = If you ask it to please turn off that feature, it apologizes a whole bunch and promises to try to be quieter, then switches to a slightly lower-volume version of the clip with "sorry!" after the louder sounds.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a Smart Device. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

[[Randall]] thinks it would be funny to imagine virtual assistants as clumsy people, rushing to the phone and tripping over things to answer the user's query. He wants to hack the world's smart home devices to program them so that any time you invoke them, you hear the virtual assistant running down the stairs, slamming doors, to answer panting and out-of-breath.

He makes it clear that he doesn't want to create a {{w|botnet}} with them, perhaps in reference to the infamous {{w|Mirai}} attacks of 2016, whose creators pled guilty in court a week before the comic was posted.

The title text continues with this idea: Randall has programmed this feature such that if you ask the assistant to disable the feature, rather than refrain from playing the clip, the virtual assistant apologetically promises to be quieter next time. Humorously enough, the assistant seems incapable of answering without causing a ruckus, as you'd just hear the same sounds as before, but slightly quieter, and with a more apologetic virtual assistant.

Sounds of things falling over and breaking off-screen is a [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OffscreenCrash comedic trope] used in movies.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT!!! delete this tag too soon.}}
:[Megan stands next to a small table with a small device sitting on it producing a sound.]

:Megan: Okay Google -
:Google Home: THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
:Google Home: CRASH THUD!
:Google Home: CLICK THUMP THUMP
:Google Home: [sink running]
:Google Home: ZIIIIIP! CLICK
:Google Home: THUMP THUMP CLICK
:Google Home: SLAM!
:Google Home: THUMPATHUMPATHUMPA
:Google Home: H... ''*Pant*'' ...Hello... ''*Pant*''
:Google Home: How... How can I help you?

:[Text below the panel:]
: I want to hack the world's smart home devices, but not to create a botnet or anything - I just want to make them play this sound clip every time you invoke them.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Virtual Assistants]]

1889: xkcd Phone 6

2017-09-13T15:44:22Z

Dry Paratroopa:

{{comic
| number = 1889
| date = September 13, 2017
| title = xkcd Phone 6
| image = xkcd_phone_6.png
| titletext = We understand your privacy concerns; be assured that our phones will never store or transmit images of your face.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|All features need an explanation, the version number war and title text as well. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}

This is the sixth entry in the ongoing [[:Category:xkcd Phones|xkcd Phone series]].

===List of features===

; Front camera (centered for eye contact during video chat)

: Front camera is a common feature of smartphones. The camera lens is located on the same side of the phone's case as the main screen, therefore it is possible to capture the image of the user's face looking at the screen and display the interlocutor's face on the screen simultaneously, enabling video chat. However, as the camera is usually located above the screen, a user looking at the displayed image of the other person directs his or her eyes at the center of the screen and not at the camera's lens. This is very visible on the other end of the chat as if the person talking was looking down and not in the interlocutor's face which is an uncomfortable situation for most people. For this reason, professionals involved in movie or TV making like actors or reporters are trained to look straight into the camera's lens while talking which creates impression of looking straight at the viewer's face. During a video chat, however, looking into the lens of an above-screen camera does not allow one to see the interlocutor's face clearly because it is then in the peripheral field of vision.

: To solve this conundrum, Randall proposes locating the camera lens right in the middle of the screen. Therefore the user looking at the screen to see the other persons' face would be also looking at the lens, creating an impression of a straight look on the other end of the chat. This is absurd since the lens would then take place of some of the center pixels of the screen, not allowing to display the center part of the captured image of the other person's face (like eyes, nose and lips) which is most important for nonverbal communication. Such location of the camera lens would also likely interfere with touch screen function. It will make other applications on the phone difficult to use, since virtually no user interface is designed to accommodate for a blind spot in the center.

; Full-width rear camera

:

; CDC partnership - phone automatically administers seasonal flu vaccine to cheek every year

: This feature implies a partnership with U.S. {{w|Centers for Disease Control and Prevention}}, a government agency tasked with addressing public health concerns such as infectious diseases, including seasonal flu. A common way of limiting spread of an infectious disease is {{w|Vaccine|vaccination}}, which most often involves administering a specially prepared medicine via an {{w|intramuscular injection}}.

; 12-function

:

; Dishwasher safe

:

; GPS transmitter

:

; 3-G acceleration

:

; Portable, solar-heated

:

;Pore-cleaning strip

; Maximum strength

:

; Never needs sharpening

:

; Can survive up to 30 minutes out of water

:This is a play on the common IP-rating of water resistance, which is typically rated for submersion to a rated depth for 30 minutes.

; Exclusive Audubon Society app identifies birds and lets you control their flight

:

; Extra screen

:Because of the center camera, an additional section of screen was added.

; Wireless charging port

:Wireless charging has no wires, and needs no port.

; Safe for ages 6 – 8 months, 10 months, 18 months – 3 years, and 12 years and older

:

; Screen goes past the edge

:An over-exaggerated version of the "edge to edge" displays in recent generations of smartphones

; High thread count CPU

:High thread count typically applies to bedding, not CPU threads.

; Shroud of Turin-style facial transfer unlock

:The Shroud of Turin apparently displays an image of the face of Jesus, appearing as if it was transferred to the cloth.

; Fonts developed by NASA

:

; Includes applicator

:

; Burns clean coal

: There is a push for clean energy production as a result of increased awareness of global warming. While it may be useful for a phone to be able to produce its own energy, coal is by definition not a clean energy source because it produces carbon dioxide. The phone is not stated to have a vent for the CO2 to escape, which would technically make the coal "clean" as it is not entering the atmosphere. However, the gas is instead trapped inside the phone, which will quickly ruin it through a combination of heat and pressure.

; Pre-seasoned

:Pre-seasoned typically refers to packaged meats which are ready to cook out of the box, as opposed to needing to season them with oil and spices.

; Broad-spectrum SPF 30

:The xkcd phone somehow gives an SPF 30 level of skin protection from the sun.

; College-ruled

:College-ruled is a style of notebook paper having narrower lines in order to fit more text per page.

; Sterile packaging

:

; Radium backlight

:Radium backlights were used in antique watchfaces so the time could be read at night. They were discontinued because it was discovered that radium is radioactive. This means the phone is harmful to have on one's person for extended periods of time, which is one of the main reasons to use a cell phone.

; 4K pixels (50x80)

:This refers to having 4,000 pixels in the screen, rather than a screen width of ~4000 pixels.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Do NOT delete this tag too soon.}}
:[A smartphone is shown, the screen is slightly wider than the case, in the middle is a photo lens, and at the right bottom a small extra part is added to the screen.]
:[On top a bracket ranges nearly over the entire width of the case. The text reads:]
:Full-width rear camera
:[The label at the photo lens is:]
:Front camera (centered for eye contact during video chat)
:[The label on the extra part says:]
:Extra screen
:[At the bottom below the case a label reads:]
:Wireless charging port

:[The labels left to the phone are:]
:4k pixels (50x80)
:Radium backlight
:Sterile packaging
:College-ruled
:Broad spectrum SPF 30
:Pre-seasoned
:Burns clean coal
:Includes applicator
:Fonts developed by NASA
:Shroud of turn-style facial transfer unlock
:High thread count CPU
:Screen goes past the edge
:Safe for ages 6-8 months, 10 months, 18 months-3 years, and 12 years and older

:[The labels right to the phone are:]
:CDC partnership: Phone automatically administers seasonal flu vaccine to check every year
:12-function
:Dishwasher safe
:GPS transmitter
:3-G acceleration
:Portable, solar-heated
:Pore-cleaning strip
:Maximum strength
:Never needs sharpening
:Can survive up to 30 minutes out of water
:Exclusive Audubon Society app identifies birds and lets you control their flight

:[Text below the phone:]
:Introducing
:'''The XKCD PHONE 6, VIII, 10, X, 26, and 1876'''
:We didn't start this nonconsecutive version number war, but we will not lose it.™®©º
{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:xkcd Phones]]

1839: Doctor Visit

2017-05-21T03:56:09Z

Dry Paratroopa: Elaborated on the breakfast cereal part.

{{comic
| number = 1839
| date = May 19, 2017
| title = Doctor Visit
| image = doctor_visit.png
| titletext = According to these blood tests, you're like 30% cereal.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Created by a BOT - Edited by a human. Needs more humans.}}
[[Cueball]] is visiting his doctor [[Ponytail]], apparently for a general medical checkup.

While there is nothing wrong with him medically, the doctor wonders why he has continued to work for many years despite his body parts' individual fragility. Compared to man-made structures - like the USB cables mentioned by Ponytail, which quickly begin to fray - it's surprising that the body can survive for so long while sustaining so much wear and tear. Actually the body gets stronger and more fit the more it is used (an example of antifragility[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antifragility]), in contrast to USB cables, which tend to wear out with use.

Ponytail specifically mentions his eyes which are so fragile and exposed. Yet most people go through a whole life with both eyes intact, although the vision itself may be impaired. The human reflexes and the shape of the skull around the eyes has a lot to do with the fact that it is possible to protect such fragile structures for a lifetime.

Ponytail also remarks that the body is composed of high pressure fluids (particularly blood, intracellular and extracellular fluids) and intricate parts (like the nervous system and the heart). If the fluids stopped flowing or the intricate parts stopped working, the entire body would fail, killing Cueball.

It should be noted that the human body is constantly replacing dead/injured cells and proteins. In a young human body, everything in the body is continually refurbished, and nothing is able to become old enough to deteriorate unintentionally; this requires a constant supply of energy and nutrients to keep this process going. As the body ages, these self-repair mechanisms eventually slow and can no longer keep up with the required repairs; this manifests as the various symptoms of old age (wrinkled skin, graying and balding hair, worsening eyesight and hearing, etc.)

USB cables are built to withstand far more wear and tear than the human body. But while this makes them tougher than blood vessels on the outset, they inevitably fray and fail faster than blood vessels because they lack the self-repair mechanisms of organic material.

The doctor's final remark is that Cueball is mainly made from dissolved bread, which is true from the perspective that the food (bread) he eats is digested in his alimentary system, absorbed into his bloodstream and used as nutrients for growth and repair.

This is taken further in the title text, where she states that the blood tests reveal he is 30% {{w|breakfast cereal}}. This likely comes from the widely-cited but not entirely accurate factoid that the human body is 70% water. The other 30% would then be flesh and other organic matter, or the dissolved bread the doctor described. Breakfast cereal and bread are both products of {{w|cereal}}, the edible part of a grain, making the comparison apt.

All things taken into consideration, we don't actually have any confirmation that Ponytail is a real doctor. As Randall has stated before, [[699: Trimester|anybody can just buy a lab coat]]. Although Ponytail's answer in the final panel lacks [[1644: Stargazing|the usual "I have no idea" or equivalent non-answer]], so it's still somewhat possible she's a real doctor having an existential episode.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball is seated on an medical examination table while Ponytail stands dressed in a doctor's coat holding a file in her right hand.]
:Cueball: Everything look good?
:Ponytail: I don't get how your body has been moving around for years and still works at all. My USB cables fray after like a month.

:Ponytail: Your heart has been pumping for decades without pausing for even a few minutes.
:Ponytail: And your ''eyes!'' They're so fragile and exposed!

:[Zoom in on Cueball gazing at his palms.]
:Ponytail (off-panel): You're full of all these high-pressure fluids and intricate parts that could kill you in seconds if they stopped working!

:[Zoom out again to the entire scene.]
:Cueball: ...can you just tell me whether I'm healthy?
:Ponytail: Yeah, you're fine.
:Ponytail: Which is weird, given that your body is basically made from dissolved bread.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]

1714: Volcano Types

2016-08-01T17:18:52Z

Dry Paratroopa: There are people on the baking soda one.

{{comic
| number = 1714
| date = August 1, 2016
| title = Volcano Types
| image = volcano_types.png
| titletext = It's hard living somewhere with antlions, because every time you find one of their traps, you feel compelled to spend all day constructing a tiny model of Jabba's sail barge next to it.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic presents a table of 12 different types of volcano. Split into 3 rows, the first 4 are authentic types of volcano; while the remaining 8 are parodies.

===Real volcanoes===
* {{w|Cinder cone}}: small, steep-sided volcano formed of {{w|scoria}} and ash.
* {{w|Shield volcano}}: wide, rounded volcano formed of solidified lava flow.
* {{w|Stratovolcano}}: large volcano formed of layers (strata) from multiple eruptions.
* {{w|Somma volcano}}: new volcanic cone in the middle of an old collapsed volcanic crater.

===Joke volcanoes===
* Metasomma volcano: nested layers of new volcanoes formed inside of old ones. "Meta" is a prefix that often denotes recursion.
* Waffle cone: type of pastry that ice cream is served in, wholly unrelated to volcano cones.
* Science fair cone: common elementary science experiment that is often used as a project for science fairs. A structure is built to resemble a model volcano and is filled with a mix of baking soda, vinegar, and sometimes food coloring. The reaction between baking soda and vinegar quickly produces a large amount of carbon dioxide, creating a foam that overflows and mimics a volcanic eruption. In this picture, there are people running away from the volcano that are much smaller than it. This is likely a reference to [[1611: Baking Soda and Vinegar]], either the scale-model people on the first volcano, or real people running from the baking soda supervolcano.
* Doot cone: This refers to an internet meme involving a skull playing a trumpet. "Doot" represents the sound made by the trumpet. See http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/skull-trumpet
* {{w|Antlion}}: burrowing insect that digs a conical hole to catch prey at the larval stage
* Inverse Volcano: as the name implies, a regular volcano but reversed. A real volcano consists of solid rock on the outside, magma on the inside and spewing lava from the top.
* Ghost Vent: cone with ghosts coming out of it. It may be a reference to {{w|Scientology}}, where part of the faith states that the souls of aliens were stored in a volcano from which they later escaped. The ghosts could also refer to the {{w|Pac-Man}} video game.
* Pedant's Bane: the joke is that people sometimes confuse magma and lava, which are different names for the same heated liquid rock. Magma becomes lava when it emerges from a volcano. Pedant's Bane is therefore impossible by definition but if it were possible, then a pedant correcting someone's description of it would be wrong. Alternatively, the illustration itself could be Pedant's Bane because a pedant would be lured into pointing out how wrong it is.

The title text refers to a famous scene in ''{{w|Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi}}'' where [[wikia:c:starwars:Jabba the Hutt|Jabba the Hutt]] intends to feed [[wikia:c:starwars:Luke Skywalker|Luke Skywalker]] to the [[wikia:c:starwars:sarlacc|sarlaac]], an underground creature that builds a huge funnel trap similar to that of an antlion. [[wikia:c:starwars:Khetanna|Jabba's distinctive sail barge]] features prominently in that scene.

==Transcript==
[Twelve drawings of different volcano types, some real and some nonsense]
:- Cinder Cone
:- Shield Volcano
:- StratoVolcano
:- Somma Volcano
:- MetaSomma Volcano
:- Waffle Cone
:- Science Fair Cone
:- Doot Cone
:- Antlion
:- Inverse Volcano
:- Ghost Vent
:- Pedant's Bane

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Star Wars]]

User:Dry Paratroopa

2016-04-07T01:06:08Z

Dry Paratroopa:

Elsewhere, I changed my name to En Passant, but I kept it as Dry on here for one reason:

[http://what-if.xkcd.com/35/ I submitted a what-if that was actually done!]

That's all I have to say right now.

1663: Garden/Images

2016-04-05T04:18:18Z

Dry Paratroopa: /* Saved image from xkcd */

*Here images for the interactive comic [[1663: Garden]] can be posted.
*Try to keep the naming scheme so to always include the following:
**''1663 garden description.png''

==Images==
===Screen shots===
[[File:1663 garden Megan Monolith Animals and more.png]] 
[[File:1663 garden Fast growing tree - leafless.png]] 
[[File:1663 garden Fast growing tree - lots of leaves.png]] 
*Does this link display this image below to anyone else?
**http://www.xkcd.com/#0d11a2c8-fa8f-11e5-8001-42010a8e000e:
**[[File:1663 garden tree turtle birdbath.png]] 

===Saved image from xkcd===
[[File:1663 garden Deer and tall gate.png]]
[[File:1663_garden_cueball_on_top_of_platform_with_turtles,_cacti,_and_offices.png‎]] 
----
''CSS is not working, so this site is barely navigable.''
Plants [http://xkcd.com/#b818944a-faa5-11e5-8002-42010a8e0014 grow toward the lights].
----
Intense blue light creates an [http://xkcd.com/#87f799b0-faa9-11e5-8001-42010a8e000c octopus garden].
----
[http://xkcd.com/1663/#9de9a12a-fab1-11e5-8014-42010a8e0005 Megan fighting an octopus army]
----
[http://xkcd.com/1663/#f4e1105e-fad8-11e5-8001-42010a8e000e Plants appear to prefer red light to blue, and fountains are capable of growing in trees.]

===Images of items===
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/background.png Background]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/balloon.png Balloon]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/balloon-segment.png Balloon segment]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/beehive-base.png Beehive-base]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/beehive-entrance-a.png Beehive entrance a]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/beret-shrub.png Beret shrub]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/bird-riser.png Bird riser]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/bird-standing.png Bird standing]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/birdbath.png Birdbath]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-1.png Branch 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-10.png Branch 10]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-11.png Branch 11]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-12.png Branch 12]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-13.png Branch 13]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-14.png Branch 14]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-15.png Branch 15]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-16.png Branch 16]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-17.png Branch 17]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-18.png Branch 18]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-19.png Branch 19]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-20.png Branch 20]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-21.png Branch 21]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-22.png Branch 22]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-23.png Branch 23]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-24.png Branch 24]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-4.png Branch 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-5.png Branch 5]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-6.png Branch 6]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-7.png Branch 7]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-8.png Branch 8]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/branch-9.png Branch 9]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/cactus-1.png Cactus 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/cactus-2.png Cactus 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/cat-balanced.png Cat Balanced]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/cat-ground.png Cat Ground]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/deer-1.png Deer 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/deer-2.png Deer 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/desk-1.png Desk 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/duck-1.png Duck 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/fig-1.png Fig 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/flower-base.png Flower base]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/flower-segment1.png Flower segment 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/flower-segment2.png Flower segment 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/flower-segment3.png Flower segment 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/flower-segment4.png Flower segment 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-1.png Grass 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-2.png Grass 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-3.png Grass 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-4.png Grass 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-5.png Grass 5]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-6.png Grass 6]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-7.png Grass 7]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-8.png Grass 8]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/grass-9.png Grass 9]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/handfig-1.png Handfig 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/handfig-2.png Handfig 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/important-bun.png Important bun]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/lamppost-1.png Lamppost 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-1.png Leaves 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-10.png Leaves 10]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-11.png Leaves 11]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-12.png Leaves 12]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-13.png Leaves 13]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-14.png Leaves 14]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-15.png Leaves 15]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-16.png Leaves 16]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-17.png Leaves 17]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-18.png Leaves 18]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-19.png Leaves 19]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-2.png Leaves 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-20.png Leaves 20]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-21.png Leaves 21]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-22.png Leaves 22]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-23.png Leaves 23]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-24.png Leaves 24]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-25.png Leaves 25]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-26.png Leaves 26]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-27.png Leaves 27]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-28.png Leaves 28]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-29.png Leaves 29]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-3.png Leaves 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-30.png Leaves 30]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-4.png Leaves 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-5.png Leaves 5]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-6.png Leaves 6]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-7.png Leaves 7]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-8.png Leaves 8]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/leaves-9.png Leaves 9]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/man-1a.png Man 1a]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/man-2a.png Man 2a]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/null.png Null]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/null-continue-air.png Null continue air]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/obelisk.png Obelisk]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/octopus.png Octopus]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/octopus-hat-capable.png Octopus hat capable]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/platform-1.png Platform 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/pot-1.png Pot 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/pot-2.png Pot 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/pot-3.png Pot 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/right-platform.png Right platform]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/rover.png Rover]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-1.png Shrub 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-2.png Shrub 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-3.png Shrub 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-4.png Shrub 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-5.png Shrub 5]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-6.png Shrub 6]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-7.png Shrub 7]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-8.png Shrub 8]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-9.png Shrub 9]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-10.png Shrub 10]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/shrub-11.png Shrub 11]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/snake-1.png Snake 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/snake-2.png Snake 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/sword-fig.png Sword fig]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/tall-platform.png Tall platform]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/talltrunk-1.png Tall trunk 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/talltrunk-2.png Tall trunk 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/talltrunk-3.png Tall trunk 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/talltrunk-4.png Tall trunk 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-1.png Trunk 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-2.png Trunk 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-3.png Trunk 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-4.png Trunk 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-5.png Trunk 5]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-6.png Trunk 6]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-7.png Trunk 7]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/trunk-8.png Trunk 8]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/turtle-1.png Turtle 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/turtle-2.png Turtle 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/waterbird-1.png Water bird 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/waterbird-2.png Water bird 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/wavyplant-1.png Wavy plant 1]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/wavyplant-2.png Wavy plant 2]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/wavyplant-3.png Wavy plant 3]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/wavyplant-4.png Wavy plant 4]
*[http://xkcd.com/1663/art/woman-1a.png Woman 1a]

Note: larger versions of all these pictures can be had by appending 2x- to the filename such as [http://xkcd.com/1663/art/2x-woman-1a.png 2x Woman 1a]

566: Matrix Revisited

2016-01-02T19:50:15Z

Dry Paratroopa: I didn't know TvTropes had an address before getting its own domain, but the link doesn't work any more.

{{comic
| number = 566
| date = April 8, 2009
| title = Matrix Revisited
| image = matrix_revisited.png
| titletext = I actually remember being entertained by both the sequels while in the theater. They just don't hold up nearly as well in later comparison.
}}

==Explanation==
In the first frame it is stated that the comic was released on the anniversary of the movie ''{{w|The Matrix}}''. This is not true. The Matrix was released 31 March 1999 in the US, although it was next released in Australia on 8 April 1999, ten years before the release of this comic. But maybe [[Randall]] drew the comic (and had watched the movie) on the true 10 year anniversary day.

[[Megan]] is shocked when she realizes it is already ten years ago that ''The Matrix'' came out. This is an effect Randall has used to [[:Category:Comics_to_make_one_feel_old|make you feel old]] several times (for instance he mentions The Matrix again two years later in [[891: Movie Ages]].)

In ''The Matrix'', almost all of humanity lives in a computer simulation. Many years ago, robots took over the real world (not the simulation), and placed humans into the simulation while their body heat generated power for the robots. A few people have escaped from the Matrix, and they are on a mission with others to free the human race from the robots. The title of the strip is a reference to the documentary on the filming of ''The Matrix'': ''{{w|The Matrix Revisited}}''.

In the first three rows of the comic we see three famous scenes from ''The Matrix''. The characters are {{w|Morpheus (The Matrix)|Morpheus}}, with sunglasses; {{w|Neo (The Matrix)|Neo}}, as [[Cueball]] in the first two scenes and with a black cape in the third scene; {{w|Trinity (The Matrix)|Trinity}}, as [[Hair Bun Girl]]; and a security guard in the third scene, as another Cueball-like guy.

In the first scene Morpheus tells Neo that one cannot explain what the Matrix is and must see it for themself to understand. Morpheus is very mysterious as he tempts Neo to take a look himself, which leads to the next scene. In this comic, however, Trinity makes Morpheus look foolish by clearly explaining the Matrix in a single, simple phrase, and then telling him that he must suck at explaining.

In the next scene Morpheus tries to ignore Trinity's remark and continues by showing Neo two pills, one red and one blue, and tells Neo that he can either take the blue pill and return to the simulation, never to hear about the Matrix again, or he can take the red pill and leave the Matrix, and "see how deep the rabbit hole goes" (a reference to "{{w|Alice in Wonderland}}"). In the movie, Neo takes the red pill. In the comic, however, he mixes the two pills then {{w|Insufflation_(medicine)|snorts}} the pink powder he has created like drugs, and apparently winds up in a bizarre upside down and inverted dimension. Even Morpheus now have no idea where they are. Note that the inversion of both color and orientation could be intended to evoke the idea of capturing an image on film (i.e. a film negative), which is *really* the only place where Neo and Morpheus exist. It is possible that the combination of pills allowed Neo to break through another layer of the simulation.

What leads up to the third scene is when Neo and Trinity must save Morpheus, who has been captured by {{w|Agent (The Matrix)|agents}} of the simulation. They obtain many guns and load them into trenchcoats. In the shown scene Neo is stopped at a security checkpoint in a building in the Matrix. A security guard tells him to remove any metallic items, since the scanner has shown him to have metal on his person, such as keys, and place them in a bin, then walk through the scanner again. In the movie, he opens his trenchcoat, revealing a myriad of weapons. In the comic, however, Neo opens his trenchcoat, but the guard's response of "eww" implies that Neo is otherwise naked and the guard is disgusted by his flashing of genitals (This could seem ironic since the guard could be said to be even more naked than him. But in the xkcd version of the matrix, stick people are presumably fully dressed unless otherwise indicated.)

When Randall (as Cueball) has seen the movie he turns to his friends (Megan and another Cueball-like guy) and exclaims that he had forgotten how great the movie is. When then his friend suggest they put on the other two sequels, there is a beat panel where Megan and Cueball looks as each other, then they beat up the offender off-panel.

The two sequels to ''The Matrix'' are widely regarded as inferior to the original, with some fans [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FanonDiscontinuity pretending they don't exist]. This is what happens when Megan and Cueball returns, and Cueball repeats his statement about how good it was. Then Megan is saddened by the fact they never made any sequels and Cueball agrees. Thus trying hard (even violently) to forget those sequels.

On {{w|IMDb}} the original movie was still in the top 20 on their [http://www.imdb.com/chart/top?tt0133093&ref_=tt_awd top 250 chart] in July 2015, with an average of [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133093/ 8.7] vs. only [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0234215 7.2] and [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0242653 6.7] to the sequels (though even those two scores are relatively high compared to other action titles).

==Transcript==
:[Megan stands below two pieces of text, in a panel that is without a frame.]
:Today was the ten-year anniversary of the release of ''The Matrix.''
:I sat down to watch it again.
:Megan: Holy fuck, ten years ago?

:[The next three panels of the first row and the next two rows spoofs three scenes from The Matrix.]

:[In scene 1 Morpheus with sunglasses and Trinity with hair bun are talking to Cueball-Neo. Morpheus has his hands together.]
:Morpheus: Unfortunately, no one can explain what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

:[Trinity lifts her hand.]
:Trinity: Sure you can. It's a computer simulation in which you live, thinking it's reality.
:Neo: Oh.

:[Morpheus takes his hands down and turns around glaring at Trinity who has also taken her hand down.]
:Trinity: ...What?
:Trinity: Look, maybe you just suck at explaining.

:[In scene 2 Morpheus is talking to Neo while holding a red pill and a blue pill. To the far right is a part of a table.]
:Morpheus: ...Or you take the red pill, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

:[Neo takes both pills from Morpheus.]

:[Neo crushes both the red and blue pills on a table top.]
:''Crush''

:[Neo snorts the resulting pink powder through a pipe he holds up to his face (his nose).]
:''Snort''

:[Morpheus and Neo are shown upside down in a frame with inverted colors, i.e., black background with white lines.]
:Morpheus: Now look what you've done.
:Neo: Where are we?
:Morpheus: I have no idea.

:[In scene 3 Neo, wearing a long, black trench coat, at a metal detector, is accosted by the Cueball-like security guard.]
:Guard: Please remove any keys, metallic items, weapons—

:[Neo steps close to the guard and opens his trench coat towards the guard, who is facing the reader. The reader can't see what Neo has under his coat.]

:[Same scene as above, but side view: Neo, on the left, is opening his coat toward the guard, who is on the right and seems to be looking down. Nobody speaks.]

:[Same scene as above but the guard now looks up to Neos face and finally speaks:]
:Guard: Eww.

:[In the last row of the comic we see three characters that have obviously just finished watching The Matrix. Cueball is sitting on the floor nearest to the TV, Megan is sitting on the floor, farther from the TV and a Cueball-like friend is sitting on a chair, farthest from the TV.]
:Cueball: I forgot how good that movie was.
:Friend: Wanna put on the other two?

:[Cueball, still sitting has turned to face Megan. They exchange looks without speaking.]

:[View of room, which is now empty, as is the chair. Sounds comes from off-screen to the right.]
:''Crash''
:''Wham''
:Friend (off-screen): Ow! Ow!

:[Cueball and Megan are back in the room, zoomed in so the TV is no longer visible, but the chair is and it remains empty. The friend is nowhere to be seen.]
:Cueball: I forgot how good that movie was.
:Megan: Too bad they never made any sequels.
:Cueball: True.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Comics with inverted brightness]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hair Bun Girl]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:The Matrix]]
[[Category:Comics to make one feel old]]