explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

Talk:495: Secretary: Part 2

2021-11-14T22:55:31Z

Noonespecial:

Ron Paul wishing to become Secretary of the Internet could be a reference to the vast numbers of Ron Paul supporters that can be found online. {{unsigned ip|86.158.136.186}}

I switched "/b/ers" to "/b/tards" because that's how they most often refer to themselves. I hope that's ok. {{unsigned ip|173.245.56.157}}

Uh, as a former Ron Paul supporter, I'm pretty sure he ran for President for the SECOND time in 2008, unless anyone can tell me if he ran sometime between 1988 and 2008. Changing. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.238.177|108.162.238.177]] 01:11, 9 November 2014 (UTC)

Are we sure that's a CD, not a boob? This is /b/ we're talking about here.--[[User:Troy0|Troy0]] ([[User talk:Troy0|talk]]) 14:04, 2 June 2016 (UTC)
The pictures are meant to be alphabetical. '''AAAAAA''' meme, the '''/b/''' board's logo, a '''CD''', and '''E'''pic '''F'''ail '''G'''uy.

495: Secretary: Part 2

2021-11-14T22:52:08Z

Noonespecial: Added information on Harry Truman being a haberdasher (don't know if it's relevant or not) and the 4chan /b/ board isn't the source of a lot of memes anymore, so I changed most to many.

{{comic
| number = 495
| date = October 28, 2008
| title = Secretary: Part 2
| image = secretary part 2.png
| titletext = That helmet won't save him.
}}

==Explanation==
Whenever something big happens the news, media likes to have at least two things: interviews with people who are the news, and on-the-scene reporters. In this case, [[Blondie]] as a [[:Category:News anchor|news anchor]] is shown to begin with talking about [[Black Hat]], and she has even been out at his house. Even if those reporters are simply standing in front of a building that something happened in, they have to be on-scene. To thwart the media (and probably everyone else), Black Hat has built a {{w|moat}} around his apartment building. The second reporter is on-the-scene from the Internet, or rather, one of its darkest corners: {{w|4chan}}. In more detail, 4chan is a collection of image boards that act somewhat like forums, where users go to share images. The different boards are named by their "folder" structure, for lack of a better term. Therefore, the name /b/ comes from its URL: 4chan.org/b/. Pronounced "slash bee" (because the second forward slash is not necessary), /b/ is the "random" board, where anything goes, where anything is the superset of all sets, as in anything. Absolutely. Anything. As in, going more than two seconds without seeing pornographic content or hateful slurs is almost unheard of. /b/ is also the one that gets the most publicity, because it has started many of the {{w|meme}}s [http://knowyourmeme.com/] on the Internet, as well as the birthplace of {{w|Anonymous (group)|Anonymous}}. The chaotic nature of the forums explains why the title text suggests that the reporter isn't safe, even though he is wearing a helmet. In fact, a goofy helmet like that is liable to get the trolls on him faster than if he didn't have it. This may be a {{w|Densha Otoko}}[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Densha_Otoko_(TV_series)] reference, which features helmet-wearing /b/ members.

{{w|Ron Paul}} is a man who was a U.S. Representative for Texas at the time. At the time the comic was published, he was running, for the second time, for {{w|President of the United States}}.

A {{w|haberdasher}} is a person who sells small articles of clothing that have been or can be sewed. In modern English, a haberdashery (where a haberdasher would work) is a place that sells hats. This could be a reference to former President {{w|Harry S. Truman}}, who operated a failed haberdashery in the early 1920s.

Ron Paul's 2008 presidential campaign did, in fact, use a {{w|blimp}} that was named the {{w|Ron_Paul_presidential_campaign,_2008#Ron_Paul_Blimp|Ron Paul Blimp}}. However, despite their elegant appearance, blimps are not a very fast way to travel.

The images on the /b/ board behind the reporter are:
*[https://youtu.be/ZWwMre0PuTQ "'''A'''yyy"], a common exclamation by the character {{w|Fonzie}} from the TV show ''{{w|Happy Days}}'', usually while giving {{w|Thumb signal|two thumbs up}}.
*{{w|/b/|/'''b'''/}}, the "random" {{w|Internet forum|discussion board}} on 4chan.
*A {{w|Compact disc|'''C'''ompact '''D'''isc}} (or "CD"), a plastic disc for {{w|Optical disc|optical}} {{w|Data storage|data storage}}.
*[https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/epic-fail-guy '''E'''pic '''F'''ail '''G'''uy], a {{w|Internet meme|meme}} that originated on 4chan, of a {{w|Stick figure|stick-figure}} character (often wearing a {{w|Guy Fawkes mask}}) who fails at everything he tries.
Together, the initial letters of these items spell out "'''ABCDEFG'''".

The title text states that the second reporter (Tom)'s helmet won't help him, though from what, it is unclear as he himself stated he wasn't sure why he was wearing the helmet.

All comics in the [[:Category:Secretary|Secretary]] series are:
*[[494: Secretary: Part 1]]
*[[495: Secretary: Part 2]]
*[[496: Secretary: Part 3]]
*[[497: Secretary: Part 4]]
*[[498: Secretary: Part 5]]

This series was released on five consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.

It is possible that this series is a continuation of [[493: Actuarial]], in which Black Hat demonstrates great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways. This would explain why Black Hat was chosen as Internet secretary.

==Transcript==
:[Blondie as a news anchor sitting behind a desk is reading from a paper she holds in her hands. There is a picture of Black Hat on a screen behind her. There is a caption below the picture.]
:Blondie: Breaking news—the President has made a nomination to the new post of Internet Secretary. We know little about the man, shown here.
:Caption: Possibly a haberdasher?

:[Blondie keeps talking over a scene showing her standing with a microphone in front of a water-filled moat that has been dug between the road and a house. A small stair up to the house is just on the other side of the moat. Behind her is Cueball with a large TV camera on his shoulder pointing towards her and the house.]
:Blondie (narrating): Attempts to reach the nominee at home were unsuccessful.
:Blondie: What the hell kind of apartment has a moat?

:[Back to Blondie behind her desk, the paper is gone, and she leans one arm on the desk. There is no screen behind her.]
:Blondie: To understand the culture from which he came — and which he may soon administer — we sent a reporter to what we're told is the source of that culture.
:Blondie: Tom?

:[This panel is much larger than the three previous panels and partly hidden behind the last. Tom, looking like Cueball with a military helmet with camouflage marks strapped under his chin, holds a large microphone in front of him while standing in front of a large screen. The screen shows a message board with four picture posts. Each picture has a text to the right, but those are unreadable scribbles. The top drawing is of a man with wild hair who holds out his hands with thumbs up. The next is text. Then there is a circle with a smaller circle in the middle and at the bottom what appears to be a Cueball-like man with a fencing mask. Blondie still speaks to him from off-panel left.]
:Tom: I'm coming to you live from the 4chan /b/ board. Despite the tube cloggage, nascent memes are flying fast and furious.
:Blondie (off-panel): Why are you wearing a helmet, Tom?
:Tom: I'm not sure.
:Image with text only: /b/

:[Ponytail is sitting in front of a large control unit using the two levers coming out of it from below two buttons that are again below the lit screen. A voice comes from off-panel left. Above the top of the panels frame, there is a frame with a caption:]
:Meanwhile in Ron Paul's blimp.
:Ron Paul (off-panel): Ahoy! What news of the blogs?

:[Zoom out showing Ponytail, who has turned around on her office chair away from the controls towards Ron Paul drawn like Cueball but with a cane. She holds up a piece of paper with a small square insert visible at the top. Apart from that, it is white.]
:Ponytail: Dr. Paul! The President's named his nominee!
:Ron Paul: It's not me?

:[Ron Paul's blimp is shown from the outside. His voice can be seen coming from the airship. There is text on the blimp, with the four letters after the first written mirrored to spell another word.]
:Ron Paul (from inside the blimp): Wait! I remember that guy from the campaign! He's a notorious troll!
:Blimp:
::Ron Paul
::RƎVO⅃UTION

:[Back inside the blimp, Ron Paul points to Ponytail, while his other hand is lifted to his chin. His cane leans against his legs. Ponytail looks at him from her chair, the paper now held in her lap.]
:Ron Paul: They mustn't put him in charge. Quick, call the capitol!

:[Ponytail turns around on her chair towards the controls and takes hold of one of the sticks. Ron Paul has taken the cane in his hand again.]
:Ponytail: Can't, sir. The tubes just went down completely.
:Ron Paul: Blast!

:[Ponytail now holds onto both sticks as Ron Paul lifts his cane up into the air pointing away from her up and right.]
:Ron Paul: Then we'll go ourselves. Full speed ahead!

:[A full view of the blimp hanging in the air to the left over a broad landscape. There seems to be a small lake just in front of the blimp. The horizon is shown all along this full width panel, and after the lake, there are five small mountain peaks, two behind the three in front. After the last of these, there follow one more peak and a small mound. Features are shown on the ground. In the air in front of the blimp, there are a small cloud inside the panel at the end of the lake and a large cloud breaking the upper frame over the end of the five mountains stretching over the next peak and mound.]
:Blimp:
::Ron Paul
::RƎVO⅃UTION

:[Same image. The blimp has advanced minutely, taking the tip clearly over the lake. Beat panel #1]
:Blimp:
::Ron Paul
::RƎVO⅃UTION

:[Same image. The blimp has advanced minutely again. Beat panel #2]
:Blimp:
::Ron Paul
::RƎVO⅃UTION

:[Same image, but now the two speak from within the blimp. The blimp has again advanced minutely so the gondola below the blimp is now also almost at the edge of the lake.]
:Ron Paul: I said full speed!
:Ponytail: It's a blimp, sir!
:Blimp:
::Ron Paul
::RƎVO⅃UTION

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Secretary|02]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|Secretary]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Blondie]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]] 
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ron Paul]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:News anchor]]
[[Category:Airships]]
[[Category:Internet]]
[[Category:Politics]]

496: Secretary: Part 3

2021-11-14T22:38:31Z

Noonespecial: My interpretation of how Black Hat faxing a squirrel could've led to him "winning" an argument about Vista with Microsoft's CEO.

{{comic
| number = 496
| date = October 29, 2008
| title = Secretary: Part 3
| image = secretary part 3.png
| titletext = He actually installed each piece in a different car in the lot, then built a new car in the spot from the displaced pieces. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle.
}}

==Explanation==
When a person has been appointed to be on certain positions<ref>https://www.senate.gov/CRSpubs/74919ab6-b407-451c-b429-702e9ae8dcb1.pdf</ref> by the {{w|POTUS|President}}, they must first go through a confirmation hearing in front of the {{w|United States Senate|Senate}} (the upper house of {{w|United States Congress|Congress}}) where they find if the person is qualified to be in the position they have been appointed to. Of course, [[Black Hat]] is not the cleanest of characters, so Congress has a lot of reservations about his {{w|résumé}}.
N.B. When this comic was written, Senate confirmation hearings occurred rapidly after a president made a nomination and were expected to prevent unsuitable candidates from being given positions of power.

*{{w|Starbucks}} is an American coffee shop chain.
**He hasn't yet, but in [[562: Parking]], Black Hat will cut someone's car in half to make it fit in a single space. Not quite as dramatic as completely disassembling a car and, as the title text says, putting a single piece in another car parked in the lot, and building a car out of the displaced parts, which could almost be considered subtle, but it is quite dramatic.
**The title text refers to the Starbucks incident. Taking all the parts from different cars to build a new car in the same spot parallels the idea in philosophy of the {{w|Ship of Theseus}}, in which a question arises of whether a ship is the same ship if it is replaced piece by piece by identical pieces.
*{{w|Charles M. Schulz}} drew a comic called {{w|Peanuts}}. One of the recurring characters was {{w|Snoopy}}, who would often use his doghouse as an imaginary {{w|Sopwith Camel}} in many battles with {{w|Manfred von Richthofen|The Red Baron}}, who piloted a {{w|Fokker Dr.I|Red Fokker}} {{w|Triplane}}.
**The {{w|Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade}} is a parade that happens on {{w|Thanksgiving (United States)|Thanksgiving Day}} in the US. There are many giant balloons of pop-culture icons. Snoopy has made many appearances. Being the [[classhole]] that he is, Black Hat has shot up the Snoopy float with a stolen Red Fokker triplane, which would be disturbing, especially to the kids watching the parade, who would get the impression that Snoopy has died. His statement that he "Got three mimes, too" just proves his casual disregard for collateral damage.
*{{w|9/11 Truth movement|9/11 Truthers}} believe that the terrorist attack on the {{w|World Trade Center (1973–2001)|World Trade Center}} towers on {{w|September 11 attacks|September 11, 2001}} (thus 9/11) was not actually organized by terrorists, but by the United States government. Black Hat interrupts their conspiracy theory gathering, insisting on a comically exaggerated version of this conspiracy theory in which the attacks did not happen ''at all'' and the World Trade Center is presumably still standing. Such a conspiracy is extremely implausible, as it would require either the involvement of every single person to ever set foot in one of the world's largest cities, or some way to conceal a pair of hundred story tall buildings, which would be extremely difficult. Whether Black Hat actually believes this, or is just trying to troll conspiracy theorists, is unknown.
**Black Hat uses a common refrain [[:Category:Sheeple|Wake up, Sheeple]] to insult the senators.
*{{w|RadioShack}} was a chain of consumer electronics shops that sold parts to build electronics with resistors, transistors, etc. Apparently Black Hat managed to build a death ray from the parts there and accidentally vaporized a customer. His line "Figures that'd be the one day that there'd be a customer in the aisle" refers to the fact that RadioShack stores had been in steady decline over the years, largely propped up by momentum.
*{{w|Microsoft}} is the company that makes {{w|Microsoft Windows|Windows}}, and {{w|Steve Ballmer}} was its {{w|Chief executive officer|CEO}} until being replaced in 2014 by {{w|Satya Nadella}}. {{w|Windows Vista}} is an {{w|operating system}} released in 2007; it was widely panned by software critics. It is unclear how feeding a squirrel through a fax machine could possibly contribute to winning an argument about it, but given Black Hat's almost superhuman abilities to troll and avoid the consequences, it's possible that it could happen. Alternatively, Ballmer could've left the argument after the incident and Black Hat could simply be interpreting that as a victory.
*{{w|Ruth Bader Ginsburg}} was the second female justice on the {{w|Supreme Court of the United States|Supreme Court}}, appointed by President Clinton. The relevance here is that during her own confirmation hearings, she refused to answer many questions about her personal views, frustrating many Senators (nevertheless, she was confirmed, 96-3). {{w|John Roberts}}, the current Chief Justice, was similarly evasive in his hearings, citing the "Ginsburg Precedent."
*Black Hat stole a {{w|nuclear submarine}} in xkcd [[405: Journal 3]] to get his hat back from [[Danish]]. However, that one was a Russian submarine, and in 2008 (when this comic was drawn), the US Senate would probably not have held that against a nominee (things might be different in 2020). Perhaps they are indeed referencing that incident, or it could be that he has also stolen an American submarine. Stealing one navy submarine would be impossibly hard; stealing nuclear submarines from not one but two different navies would be practically impossible.
*"Pleading the fifth" is to invoke the {{w|Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment}} of the {{w|United States Bill of Rights}}. Specifically, when someone pleads the fifth, they mean that they cannot be compelled to give testimony against themselves. That is, they do not have to say anything that could be taken as an admission of guilt. The {{w|Third Amendment to the United States Constitution|third amendment}} states that no homeowner has to keep troops of the United States Army in their house against their will. Either Black Hat
**Doesn't understand the 3rd Amendment,
**Just chooses this amendment over the 5th to confuse the committee, who seems to forget the question,
**Believes the nuclear submarine to be his property, and rather than stealing it, he was simply expelling military personnel who were "quartered" in his nuclear sub without his permission, or
**Stole the submarine in order to have a convenient place other than his house to quarter troops

The final panels show Ron Paul's blimp finally approaching Washington DC. The balloon spotted on their radar is presumably piloted by blogger {{w|Cory Doctorow}}, as revealed in the next installment, Secretary: Part 4.

All comics in the [[:Category:Secretary|Secretary]] series are:
*[[494: Secretary: Part 1]]
*[[495: Secretary: Part 2]]
*[[496: Secretary: Part 3]]
*[[497: Secretary: Part 4]]
*[[498: Secretary: Part 5]]

This series was released on five consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.

It is possible that this series is a continuation of [[493: Actuarial]], in which Black Hat demonstrates great power over even Internet trolls via his sociopathic ways. This would explain why Black Hat was chosen as Internet secretary.

==Transcript==
:[The confirmation hearings begin.]
:Senator: It appears you have quite an arrest record.

:Senator: Is it true you completely disassembled someone's car outside a Starbucks?
:Black Hat: It was parked across two spaces.

:Senator: You stole a red Fokker triplane and strafed the snoopy float at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade?

:Black Hat: Got three mimes, too.

:Senator: You disrupted a 9/11 truth meeting, insisting the Twin Towers never actually collapsed?
:Black Hat: I have evidence! Don't trust the media! Wake up, sheeple!

:Senator: You were fired from Radio Shack after you built a death ray and vaporized a customer?

:Black Hat: I was just testing it! Figures that'd be the one day there was a shopper in the aisle.

:Senator: And you were thrown out of Microsoft headquarters for... trying to feed a squirrel through a fax machine?

:Black Hat: I forgot about that! it was part of an argument with Steve Ballmer about Vista.
::Which I won, by the way.

:[Senators look down at their notes.]

:Senator: This is the worst history of vandalism, gleeful mayhem, and general recalcitrance we've seen in a nominee since Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

:Senator: And this-you stole a nuclear submarine?
:Black Hat: I plead the third.

:Senator: You mean the fifth?
:Black Hat: No, the third.

:Senator: You refuse to quarter troops in your house?
:Black Hat: I have few principles, but I stick to them.

:Meanwhile...
:[Aboard Ron Paul's blimp.]
:Ponytail: We're nearing Washington, sir.
::Wait... There's something ahead on the sensors.

:Ponytail: It's a balloon.
:Ron Paul: ...Oh, no.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Secretary|03]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|Secretary]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ron Paul]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theory]]
[[Category:Sheeple]]
[[Category:9/11]]

Talk:496: Secretary: Part 3

2021-11-14T22:33:02Z

Noonespecial:

Could "Pleading the 3rd" be a form of the {{w|Chewbacca defense}}? --[[User:Bpothier|B. P.]] ([[User talk:Bpothier|talk]]) 22:55, 5 September 2012 (UTC)

I did some research on {{w|Ruth Bader Ginsburg}} and her confirmation hearing, but couldn't quite see why she has a criminal record similar to Black Hat's - can anybody help there? [[User:Bobidou23|Bobidou23]] ([[User talk:Bobidou23|talk]]) 20:03, 31 December 2012 (UTC)

It's supposed to be a joke. Ruth Bader Ginsburg definitely wasn't a criminal[[User:Noonespecial|Noonespecial]] ([[User talk:Noonespecial|talk]]) 22:33, 14 November 2021 (UTC)

Maybe because people assume that if you are rectinent,you are probably hiding something?[[Special:Contributions/117.194.203.236|117.194.203.236]] 15:47, 9 February 2013 (UTC)

Black hat is right. RadioShack never gets many visitors to the electronics parts aisles. [[User:Xyz|Xyz]] ([[User talk:Xyz|talk]]) 12:54, 3 June 2013 (UTC)

Why would US submariners been on the sub he stole? I got the impression it was a Russian submarine. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.219.223|108.162.219.223]] 22:21, 8 January 2014 (UTC)

:Or it was a US sub and he "parked" it in Russian territory, something the Russion goverment wouldn't be fond of either. But yeah I thought it was a Russian sub as well. [[User:Tharkon|Tharkon]] ([[User talk:Tharkon|talk]]) 15:50, 29 January 2014 (UTC)

Is the auto-troll shuffle a reference to something? [[User:Seanybabes|Seanybabes]] ([[User talk:Seanybabes|talk]]) 02:57, 10 March 2014 (UTC)

I got the impression that it was in reference to the "Kansas City shuffle" from the movie "Lucky Number Sleven". It was the first move in a very complicated revenge scheme. {{unsigned ip|108.162.246.224}}

I went in and cleaned up the submarine explainations. It seems like they were put there by someone who hadn't actually read Journal 3.
[[User:Reywas|Reywas]] ([[User talk:Reywas|talk]]) 20:24, 16 February 2015 (UTC)

I love the 'citation needed' on the "It's unclear how feeding a squirrel through a fax machine can help win an argument. Whoever did that should be promoted. :) --[[User:JayRulesXKCD|'''JayRules''XKCD''' ]]<sup>[[User talk:JayRulesXKCD|what's up?]]</sup> 12:40, 6 January 2017 (UTC)

I wonder if he chose to plead the third because he stole the submarine in Secretary 3 and it was seen in Journal 3...[[Special:Contributions/162.158.74.33|162.158.74.33]] 03:29, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

"Almost" superhuman? He's up there with Beret Guy in terms of superhuman powers. One person operating a nuclear sub by himself is impossible right there. [[User:Nitpicking|Nitpicking]] ([[User talk:Nitpicking|talk]]) 13:05, 28 August 2021 (UTC)