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1052: Every Major's Terrible

2026-04-25T15:12:54Z

SacrifycedStoat: Corrected spelling of supercalifragilisticexpial -> i <- docious

{{comic
| number = 1052
| date = May 7, 2012
| title = Every Major's Terrible
| before = [[#Explanation|↓ Skip to explanation ↓]]
| image = every_majors_terrible.png
| titletext = Someday I'll be the first to get a Ph. D in 'Undeclared'.
}}
Clicking on the image on [https://xkcd.com xkcd.com] links to a now-unavailable [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhaEjgnmy3c YouTube video of the original song]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20150401183305/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhaEjgnmy3c Here is an Archive.org link to the video.]

==Explanation==
[[Randall]] has written a song called ''Every Major's Terrible'' and this comic illustrates the song. In this song the term {{w|Major (academic)|Major}} refers to the US version of an academic major. The point of the song is that it makes no sense to pick any major since they are all terrible!

The header notes that the song is written to the tune of the satirical {{w|Major-General's Song}} from {{w|Gilbert and Sullivan's}} 1879 comic opera ''{{w|The Pirates of Penzance}}''. The song satirizes the idea of the "modern" educated British Army officer of the latter 19th century. {{w|Major general}} is a military rank in the United Kingdom and many other countries. The meter in the Major-General's Song is {{w|iambic octameter}}, which means that in each line there are eight iambs, where an iamb is two syllables in an unstressed-stressed pattern. Therefore, each line contains 16 syllables.

The panels show Randall's rewritten lyrics to the song. Below each of the three verses are described in detail (go to [[#Verse 1|Verse 1]], [[#Verse 2|Verse 2]] or [[#Verse 3|Verse 3]]). Each verse ends with "Just put me down as 'Undecided' - Every Major's Terrible", which gives the song its name — and "Major's Terrible" is similar enough to "Major General", the corresponding lyrics in the original version, to serve as a callback. The last line of the first verse in each song goes as follows:
*Original: I am the very model of a modern Major-General
*Randall's: Just put me down as undecided- every major's terrible

The lyrics are commonly rewritten, the most famous rewrite likely being {{w|The Elements (song)}} by {{w|Tom Lehrer}} which is also mentioned below the main header. This song is also [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcS3NOQnsQM available on-line].

His last suggestion, "{{w|Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious}}", from ''{{w|Mary Poppins}}'', is another fast-paced patter-song with a somewhat similar tune, though it doesn't fit quite so well, and the match falls apart at the end of the fourth line, when the "Um-diddly"s start up — still, it's better than nothing.

There are at least two performances of this xkcd song online where the transcription is shown to make it easier to understand the text:
*A video with each major acted out by the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seGpYa8UO0E SFU Choir - Every Major's Terrible].
*A solo with piano: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRexBMPeRTo Every Major's Terrible' by Ben Miller].
**See also this article [http://www.uproxx.com/gammasquad/2012/08/ben-miller-xkcd-every-majors-terrible/ Xkcd's 'Every Major's Terrible' Is Now A Real Song].

Regarding the title text: "Undeclared" is sometimes called "General Studies". Most U.S. universities will not let you get a degree in this, let alone an advanced degree such as a {{w|Ph.D.}} Also, it should probably be noted that this song refers to U.S.-like university systems, in other countries, one will study little to nothing outside your major, making it more-or-less impossible to be undecided as to major.

It should also be noted that the title text fits the cadence of the first line of the song, possibly teasing a fourth verse. As to what that consists of, only Randall knows.

===Verse 1===
;Panel 1, ''Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality'': [[Cueball]] is posing as {{w|Rodin}}'s {{w|The Thinker}}, a common symbol for {{w|philosophy}}. The equation in the background (two plus light bulb equals sailboat) is nonsense, hence "{{w|math}} sans rigor, sense or practicality" ([http://www.thefreedictionary.com/sans sans] meaning without).

;Panel 2, ''And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.'': A cannon is firing. However, instead of going in the normal parabolic arc (a precept of reality and thus {{w|physics}}), the cannonball splits and splits again, so that it looks like a {{w|bifurcation diagram}} from {{w|chaos theory}}. The dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory, which bifurcates twice, although the sum of the momentums of the four resulting (1/4 sized?) cannonballs is presumably mathematically identical to the original.

;Panel 3, ''A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate'': {{w|Business education|Business}} is the most common major, often seen as a practical choice applicable to a wide variety of careers, or, as the comic illustrates, preferred by those who just want an easy way to graduate. Cueball gets his diploma and runs away from the dean on the podium while shedding both his robe and his {{w|square academic cap}} (or Mortarboard).

;Panel 4, ''And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.'': Stamp collecting refers to the [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ernest_Rutherford famous quote] by {{w|Ernest Rutherford}}, "All science is either physics or stamp collecting." {{w|Methyl acetate}} is a solvent that for instance can be used to remove stamps from their envelope (although water will do the same). The stamps in the background form the {{W|periodic table}} of the chemical elements. And since {{w|chemistry}} is not physics, according to the quote, {{w|chemists}} must be stamp collectors. [[Ponytail]] is depicted wearing goggles, holding an {{w|Erlenmeyer flask}}, and dizzy from being high on methylacetate.

;Panels 5 and 6, ''Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery'', ''Unless their only other choice were something like art history.'': These lines, both sung by Cueball, refer to subjects where a majority of graduates will end up unemployed or eventually working in a field outside their majors. Topics such as {{w|Literature}} or {{w|Art History}} are often and historically said to be in this category — although from [http://www.studentsreview.com/unemployment_by_major.php3?sort=Rate actual statistics], it is clear that there are far worse majors these days.

;Panels 7 and 8, ''A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve'', ''A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave'': Here Cueball first has a major in {{w|Communication studies|Communications}} and next he is seen underwater with a basket. {{w|Underwater basket weaving}} is a commonly used metaphor for any college major that is easy and/or worthless. "Communications" is a major chosen by people interested in news broadcasting or other media. Note that, if following the original music exactly, the line "A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave." will be repeated three times by the chorus after these panels.

;Panel 9, ''I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,'': We see Cueball holding a frog out in front of him while taking his hand to his head (in disgust?). A {{w|Fowler's toad}} is a relatively common toad in the eastern US, and a stereotype of studying {{w|biology}} is a frog {{w|dissection}}, which is likely part of the reference, albeit oblique. Fowler's Toad emits a {{w|Bufo_fowleri#Behavior|noxious secretion}} that [http://www.nwf.org/wildlife/wildlife-library/amphibians-reptiles-and-fish/toads.aspx irritates skin] and thus probably also the mucous membranes in the mouth. It would thus be rather painful to eat, making it very bad for Cueball to major in biology since he would rather eat such a toad.

;Panel 10, ''And social psych is worse than either psych ''or'' sociology.'': {{w|Social psychology}} is compared to {{w|sociology}} (study of humans in society) and {{w|psychology}} (study of human minds). Psychology is represented by a {{w|serial killer}} with a chainsaw, and sociology is represented by a {{w|zombie}}. These are to the left of [[Megan]]. To her right is a zombie serial killer with chainsaw. She is standing between them undecided as to take one, the other or both. They are all terrible options...

;Panels 11 and 12, ''The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable,'' ''Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.'': End of the first verse where Cueball tells his academic advisor that he is undecided as every major's terrible. He even throws away his {{w|study guide}}. Every verse ends with some variation of this couplet, and in the original tune, each of these couplets are repeated by the chorus afterwards.
:''Unbearable'' and ''terrible'' rhyme for people who have the {{w|English-language vowel changes before historic /r/#Mary–marry–merry merger|Mary-merry merger}}.

===Verse 2===
;Panel 13, ''Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in seismology,'':[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prognosticate Prognosticate] means "to predict". This refers to the inability of {{w|seismology}} to reliably predict catastrophic {{w|earthquake}}s, even after centuries of extensive research. The panel shows {{w|Seismic wave|seismic waves}} from a {{w|seismograph}}. The seismograph chart has four traces and about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously indicating an earthquake. Five months after this comic was published several seismologists in Italy were [http://www.nature.com/news/italian-court-finds-seismologists-guilty-of-manslaughter-1.11640 convicted of crimes] that effectively stemmed from an inability to predict an earthquake. This does not go down well for the message of this panel... Their conviction was [http://www.nature.com/news/italian-seismologists-cleared-of-manslaughter-1.16313 overturned on appeal] in 2014.

;Panel 14, ''But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.'': The bearded [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/theologist theologist] represents {{w|Theology}} by stating the formal logic proposition shown in the illustration: "X ∴ ∃X". This says "I can describe this thing called X, therefore X exists". (However, it might not be syntactically correct, since "X" is not a formula, and there are no free variable(s) after the ∃.) This is what Anselm’s {{w|ontological argument}} for God boils down to. Briefly, it asks you to imagine the best possible entity, which, by definition, would be God. A God which exists in both reality and imagination would (according to Anselm) be greater than one who exists in merely the latter. Therefore, this proposition concludes that God exists. The argument has many fatal flaws, and has been largely rejected even by theists. (See [[1505: Ontological Argument]].) The same can be said for any of the so-called proofs of God that have been developed over the past several thousand years, making Theology decidedly non-rigorous.

;Panel 15, ''CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.'': "CS" is short for "{{w|Computer Science}}." Most programming languages use parentheses as part of their syntax, and often have multiply-nested parenthetical expressions. This is especially true of {{w|Lisp (programming language)|Lisp}}. It is often difficult for a programmer to determine where the unbalanced parenthesis begins or ends when the code and parentheses are not properly formatted and indented. In the panel there is one more left "(" parenthesis (13) than right ")" or ''close-paren'' (12). Unpaired parentheses were also discussed in comic [[859]].

;Panel 16, ''Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.'': {{w|Virology}} is the study of {{w|infectious diseases}}. The green symbol above the central figure is the {{w|Hazard_symbol#Biohazard_sign|biohazard symbol}}, implying that people who study infectious diseases, and are therefore located near them at some points in time, will be shunned like the plague, because they're probably carrying it. Thus no hugs to Megan as three Cueballs and Ponytail lean back away from her.

;Panel 17, ''I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.'': "I.T." is short for "{{w|Information Technology}}", a degree for people who maintain computer systems. If there is a need for an I.T. position (in which I.T. professionals are employed) there are computers which need fixing — hence the I.T. Professional is always fixing (or fighting) computers, which may or may not have been[https://web.archive.org/web/20220225163355/https://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19980506 "broken"] by [[:Category:Cueball's computer problems|certain users]]. In the panel Megan, wielding an axe, is in a real fight with a PC.

;Panel 18, ''As Pratchett said, "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."'': This is a slightly amended quote from {{w|Discworld}} author {{w|Terry Pratchett}}, from his book "{{w|Feet of Clay (novel)|Feet of Clay}}". The actual quote is "{{w|Geography}} is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it." But the meaning is the same, that physics also describes geography - a similar quote to the one about physics vs. stamp collections mentioned under panel 4.

;Panel 19, ''Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,'': {{w|Richard Feynman}} was a 20th-century {{w|Nobel Prize|Nobel}}-laureate {{w|physicist}} known for his great sense of humor, including being photographed for one of his books while holding a {{w|bongo drum}}. Here he is depicted with the drum and with both a blond woman and Megan looking admiringly upon him. Feynman made physics seem cool, and many a young fan might choose the subject in the hope of obtaining a Feynman-like career. This is, however, very unlikely for most people as is also shown in the next panel.

;Panel 20, ''The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."'': A redirect on Wikipedia is a page which immediately sends the visitor to a different page. This implies that the title of the first is either a synonym or a sub-topic of the second. Physics majors usually learn to code, and the standard joke is that they invariably get hired as {{w|computer programmers}} after graduation, but here in this comic they get hired as {{w|engineers}}. This relates back to the previous panel, as it is here shown that most of those that major in physics end up as engineers and not like Feynman. The Wikipedia page physics major didn't actually exist when this comic was published. It was created the same day, but as a [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Physics_major&redirect=no redirect] to {{w|physics education}}. It is such a redirect page that is shown in the panel. In the subsequent days, there were dozens of instances of people changing it to redirect to engineer, usually reverted within minutes. The redirect page was ''fully protected'' and locked for editing. As with the underwater basket-weaving line in the first verse, after the soloist sings this, the line would be repeated three times by the chorus.

;Panels 21 and 22, ''They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,'' ''But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.'': This uses a version of a quote by {{w|George Santayana}} (although often attributed to others as well), ''Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it'' as a reason to study {{w|history}} — only to be followed by an indication that by studying history as a major, you will only be prepared to become a history teacher, and you will then spend the rest of your life teaching history. The first panel shows a flow chart that will lead you to repeat your sad past if you cannot remember it, and only move on to happier times if you can. In the next panel we see a [[Hairbun]] as a history teacher, with glasses and her gray hair tied up in a bun, standing in front of a green {{w|blackboard}} with three important years for her current history class.

:One connection between these years could be pivotal points in Jewish history concerning the formation of nationality: the Nurenberg Laws of 1935 removing citizenship from Jews in Germany, Israel's claims on Jerusalem, and the UN Security Council's condemnation of the treatment of Palestines by Israel.

:A more lighthearted connection, more in line with the message of learning from history, is the collapse of three notable communications towers: the wooden radio tower in Langenberg in 1935 (by tornado), a TV mast at Emley Moor in 1969 (due to ice build-up), and the Warsaw radio mast in 1991 (due to construction errors). This demonstrates various attempts and failures to learn from engineering mistakes from the past, connecting this with the earlier mentioning of physicists becoming engineers, and perhaps not taking real-world practical considerations into account (such as storms or ice build-up).

:Of course, in practice, with a narrow enough subject, there are likely to be many more examples fitting these three years. The two examples above were from general world history.

;Panels 23 and 24, ''I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,'' ''But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.'': End of the second verse where Cueball again talks to his academic advisor saying that he is undecided. In the last of the two panel he says almost the same as at the end of the first verse. In the first, however, he mentioned his "four-year plan" which is the list of all the courses a student plans to include in their degree program. If you change majors every semester, or do not decide on one until too late, this list gets really difficult to turn into any one degree. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus afterwards.

===Verse 3===
;Panel 25, ''Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".'': {{w|Supermoon}} is a term invented by {{w|astrologers}} in the 1970s, with no significance in {{w|astronomy}} other than being the co-occurrence of orbital {{w|perigee}} and full-moon. But it comes up often in the press, linked to supernatural behavior. That also Randall dislikes seems realistic and he also "mocked" the term soon after in [[1080: Visual Field]] and then finally confirmed what he thought about the term directly when he published [[1394: Superm*n]]. This was the first comic referencing supermoon, here is [[:Category:Supermoon|a list]] of all such comics. The {{w|zodiac}} is the circular band in the sky containing the apparent path of the sun, moon and planets. Most often when people talk about it, they're referring to {{w|astrology}} and {{w|horoscopes}} and other pseudo-scientific notions which often lead to conversations which are frustrating to astronomers, like the bald, bearded one ({{w|Phil Plait}}?) from the panel.

;Panel 26, ''Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.'': {{w|Agronomy}} is the science of farming, while {{w|agoraphobia}} is the fear of wide open spaces. Fields, where most farming happens, are wide open spaces. In the panel an anxious Cueball is standing near a fence on an open field with a tractor. Presumably he may be OK inside the tractor, but once he gets outside he becomes anxious.

;Panel 27, ''I'm too ophiophobic to consider herpetology,'': {{w|Herpetology}} is the study of {{w|reptiles}} and {{w|amphibians}}, while {{w|ophiophobia}} is the fear of {{w|snakes}} (a reptile). The panel shows sweating Cueball holding his hands to his mouth while looking at a green snake asking for his love? It is possible that Cueball is afraid of the snake, who is harmless and just wants to be friends.

;Panel 28, ''And I can't stomach any part of gastroenterology.'': As the pun suggests, {{w|gastroenterology}} is the study of the human digestive system and the image shows the human {{w|stomach}}. To [http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/cannot+stomach not be able to stomach something] means you can't stand or tolerate this thing.

;Panel 29, ''While pre-med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your GPA,'': {{w|Pre-med}} (pre-medical) is a major chosen by students hoping to go on to {{w|medical school}} to study {{w|medicine}} and eventually become {{w|Doctor of Medicine|doctors}}. Medical school is extremely competitive and usually requires a very high undergraduate {{w|GPA}} for prospective students. Hence we see a pre-med student holding all his grades.

;Panel 30, <tt>a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.</tt>: The text is in all lower-case, a different font and strangely laid out compared to the text in all the other panels. All-lower-case and "free" layout are both associated with 20th century "{{w|Modernist}}" {{w|poetry}}, especially the works of {{w|E. E. Cummings}}. Ponytail is actually reciting this line of the song.

;Panels 31 and 32, ''TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology'', ''(Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).'': This refers to how {{w|forensic}}-{{w|criminology}} shows, specifically {{w|CSI: Miami}} (Crime Scene Investigation: Miami) as shown on the TV screen in both panels, often dramatize, exaggerate or otherwise confuse the science behind forensics; this gives people unrealistically glamorous views of the career, thus encouraging them to join it. {{w|Epidemiology}} is the study of causes and effects of events and trends. We see a pipe smoking epidemiologist standing with Ponytail and watching CSI - presumably making wild claims on cause and effect based only on what they see on TV. This is, again, the point where the chorus joins in three times, as in the previous two verses.

;Panels 33 and 34, ''By dubbing econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate;'' ''The "dismal"'s fine - it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.'': "Econ" is short for "{{w|economics}}". {{w|Thomas Carlyle}} declared economics "{{w|the dismal science}}" in the {{w|Victorian era}} as a derogatory alternative name. {{w|Economists}} often claim that economics is a {{w|science}} like any other; however, as the predictive powers of all economic theories are exceedingly weak compared to those of any science, this is disputed by those outside the field at times. It is of course also disputed by this song, in which Cueball "clearly" (see below) states that economics should not call itself a science - that is the ''dismal science'' is not derogatory enough for him.
*The above sentences can be tricky to understand due to the combination of vocabulary used and atypical word order (the former is in object-subject-verb). Here is some help in understanding them:
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dub Dubbing] something means ''giving it a nickname''.
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dismal Dismal] science means (in this context) ''the disappointingly inadequate science''.
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/adherent Adherents] means ''supporters''.
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/patently Patently] means ''in a clear and unambiguous manner''
**[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prevaricate Prevaricate] means to ''evade the truth''.
*Using these meanings of the words the two sentences can be re-written as:
**The people who give economics the nickname "the inadequate science" are exaggerating how bad it is;
**The "inadequate" part is fine - it's "science" where they clearly are evading the truth.
:That is, Cueball is saying that "inadequate science" is too nice of a term for economics, he thinks it's not even science at all.

;Panel 35, ''In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.''
;Panel 36, ''Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible!'': End of the third verse, with yet another variant on the closing couplet. Choosing a major is compared to {{w|Sophie's Choice}}, which is any {{w|dilemma}} where choosing one cherished person or thing over the other will result in the death or destruction of the other, derived from the theme of the {{w|Sophie's Choice (novel)|novel}} of the same name, which has also been turned into a {{w|Sophie's Choice (film)|romantic drama film}}. So Cueball tells the academic advisor that choosing any of the majors over any other is as horrible as to have to choose which cherished person should die to save the other. Although in his case, it is the other way around, since he thinks all choices suck. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus.

==Transcript==

:[The entire comic is a 4 by 9 grid. Left-justified headings above the 36 panels:]
:<big><big>Every Major's Terrible</big></big>
:to the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's
:<big>Modern Major-General Song</big>
:(Which you may know from Tom Lehrer's ''Elements''.
:If not, just hum ''Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious''.)

:[To make it easier to read the lyrics, the lyrics text is double indented. If no one says the line it is just written after the description. Unless otherwise stated, the text is inside the frame of the panel above the drawing. If any other text is present it will be written after the lyrics.]

:[Panel 1: Cueball sitting with his chin on fist on a square, gray rock. Next to him is a mathematical expression "2 + a picture of yellow glowing light bulb = picture of Cueball in sailboat on a blue sea".]
::Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality
:Expression: 2+[lightbulb]=[sailboat]

:[Panel 2: A black and brown cannon standing on a green hill fires and a dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory. The line splits in two twice ending up at 4 cannonballs.]
::And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.

:[Panel 3: A student in robes and square academic cap receives a diploma from a dean on a brown podium, while Cueball, diploma in hand, runs away on the green lawn, arms in the air, shedding both robe and cap.]
::A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate

:[Panel 4: Ponytail wearing goggles and holding a flask with the periodic table in the background. Three stars and circle lines around her head indicates that she is dizzy.]
::And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.

:[Panel 5: Cueball holds up his hands questioningly, in a shrugging pose.]
::Cueball: Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery

:[Panel 6: Cueball holding his chin.]
::Cueball: Unless their only other choice were something like art history.

:[Panel 7: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is a close-up of Cueball as a graduate wearing yellow embroidered robe and yellow tasseled mortarboard.]
::A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve

:[Panel 8: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is the same Cueball graduate, only now he is submerged in blue water. A wicker basket flows to the left, where air bubbles escape from Cueball. To the right are two black fish.]
::A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave

:[Panel 9: Cueball holding a gray frog at arm's length.]
::Cueball: I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,
:Frog: Ribbit

:[Panel 10: Megan indicating to the left a scruffy individual and an individual holding a chainsaw, and to the right a single scruffy individual holding a chainsaw.]
::Megan: And social psych is worse than either psych or sociology.

:[Panel 11: Cueball stands in front of a brown desk holding a gray course catalog. Behind the desk sits a man with glasses and hair at the back of his head. He sits on his gray office chair. There is a stack of papers on the desk.]
::Cueball: The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable.

:[Panel 12: Same picture as panel 11, only now Cueball tosses the course catalog over his shoulder.]
::Cueball: Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

:[Panel 13: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is a seismograph chart with four traces; about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously.]
::Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in seismology,

:[Panel 14: A bearded man with white hair states a formula with his left arm lifted.]
::But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.
:Bearded man: X ∴ ∃X

:[Panel 15: Two lines with gray parenthesis.]
::CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.
:(((()((((()(
:))))())())())

:[Panel 16: Megan with a green biohazard symbol floating above her head stands alone; to the left and right three Cueball-like guys and Ponytail shun her.]
::Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.

:[Panel 17: Megan running at a PC on a brown table at the left of the frame, with a brown and black axe raised over her head.]
::I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.

:[Panel 18: The frame is a little smaller than the other frames. Above the frame is the first part of the text. In the frame is an image of a bearded man with glasses who says the rest of the text. ]
::As Pratchett said,
::Pratchett: "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."

:[Panel 19: A man with black hair plays on brown bongo drums while Blondie and Megan lean into the frame and look at him from left and right respectively.]
::Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,

:[Panel 20: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is screenshot of a wiki redirect page. Below the title is the normal text for such a page. This is unreadable though, although it is possible to imagine it is possible to read the first line which would say: ''From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia''. But not the other line which would be ''Redirect page''. Below this line is an arrow down to the page the redirect points to. This is written in blue underlined letters.]
::The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."
:Wiki page:
::Physics major
:: Engineer

:[Panel 21: Flowchart: a gray-brown box with a sad face chains to a decision diamond reading simply "?"; the "yes" branch leads to a yellow happy-face box while the "no" branch loops back to the initial sad face.]
::They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,
:Flow chart:
::?
::No
::Yes

:[Panel 22: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is Hairbun as a teacher with boxy spectacles and a bun in front of a green chalkboard with three years in white. She is holding a rod and using it to point at the board.]
::But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.
:Chalkboard:
::1935
::1969
::1991

:[Panel 23: Cueball at his adviser's desk again as in panel 12, but now without any catalog and holding his arms down.]
::Cueball: I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,

:[Panel 24: Same as panel 23 except Cueball has raised a first and the adviser has his hand to his mouth.]
::Cueball: But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

:[Panel 25: Image of a bald man with beard and glasses. He raised both hands one as a fist the other pointing up. There are lines out from his head to the left and lightning lines out from his head to the right.]
::Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".

:[Panel 26: Silhouette of Cueball, agitated, in an open field near a fence and a tractor.]
::Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.

:[Panel 27: Cueball looking aghast at a green snake on the ground, both hands at his mouth and sweat jumping from his head. The snake is "saying" a red heart with a black question mark next to it.]
::I'm too ophiophobic to consider herpetology,
:Snake: ♥ ?

:[Panel 28: Anatomical image of a stomach in pink and red.]
::And I can't stomach any part of gastroenterology.

:[Panel 29: A man with wild hair, glasses askew, clutching folders and papers (green, blue and white), and dropping several.]
:Man:
::While pre-med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your GPA,

:[Panel 30: Ponytail reciting poetry; her poem is this panel's line, in a lighter, lower-case font.]
::Ponytail: <tt>a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.</tt>

:[Panel 31: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. The frame is a TV screen with the ''CSI: Miami'' logo, CSI in yellow.]
::TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology
:TV screen:
::''' CSI: '''
::'''Miami'''

:[Panel 32: A balding man wearing glasses and holding a smoking pipe together with Ponytail holding a notebook watch a wall-mounted flat-screen TV on which the ''CSI: Miami'' logo from the previous panel is showing.]
::(Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).
:TV screen:
:: CSI:
::Miami

:[Panel 33: Cueball is talking with his left arm raised, palm up.]
::Cueball: By dubbing econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate;

:[Panel 34: Close-up on Cueball with right arm up and one finger in the air.]
::Cueball: The "dismal"'s fine—it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.

:[Panel 35: As panel 23 with Cueball at his adviser's desk once more though with both hands held out in front of him. The adviser is holding his hand to the side of his head.]
::Cueball:In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.

:[Panel 36: Same as panel 35 except that Cueball makes a final dramatic flair spreading both arms out.]
::Cueball:Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible!

==Trivia==
In August of 2018, the comic was made to link to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhaEjgnmy3c a video], which no longer exists due to the owner's account being terminated by YouTube.

{{comic discussion}}

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3108: Laser Danger

2026-04-18T17:03:34Z

SacrifycedStoat: Actual citation needed for birds’ murder rate

{{comic
| number = 3108
| date = June 27, 2025
| title = Laser Danger
| image = laser_danger_2x.png
| imagesize = 684x272px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = To combat the threat, many airlines are installing wing-mounted spray bottles.
}}

==Explanation==
Shining a laser at a plane is a [https://www.faa.gov/about/initiatives/lasers federal crime] in the US, and similarly forbidden in many other countries. A sufficiently powerful laser can disorient, distract and/or blind the pilot operating the aircraft. This can prove particularly dangerous to the safety of the aircraft and its occupants during take-off and landing, when planes are likely to have altitudes and orientations particularly susceptible to laser interference, and are phases that are already hazardous periods of flight. This 'use' of lasers was previously discussed in [[3030: Lasering Incidents]] and [[2481: 1991 and 2021]].

Megan claims that there's another reason why lasering a plane is illegal: to avoid provoking cats into leaping at them. Cats are known to [[729: Laser Pointer|chase and jump onto]] the dots created by laser pointers. Cats also prey on birds, with estimates of 1.3 to 3.7 billion birds killed each year.{{actual citation needed}} Of course, a cat would be unable to jump to the height of a flying plane.{{Citation needed}} If the cat were able to reach the plane, it would find itself hilariously outsized, though colliding with the plane mid-air could cause damage akin to a bird strike (e.g. shattered windshield or engine failure). The cat in the image is similar in size to the plane and thus could do significant damage. It is unclear whether the cat is unusually large or the plane is a model aircraft. A similar joke was used in the title text of [[1463: Altitude]].

The laser is shown in green, which have become more popular in recent decades as they offer the highest power for the lowest cost and are most frequently the type used in aviation-related incidents.

The title text alludes to the fact that many cats do not like getting wet, and one of the methods people use to discourage them from a place or activity that is unwanted is to use spray bottles to wet their fur. The spray bottle might also emit a hissing sound, which cats associate with other cats threatening them. The "wing-mounted spray bottles" on aircraft could be a reference to fuel dump tubes, which spray out fuel to lighten the aircraft, commonly used before emergency landings (especially soon after take-off, when a nearly full load of fuel is now more trouble than it should have been). To combat actual physical threats to aircraft in real life, El Al (the Israeli national airline) and government aircraft {{w|Air Force One|used by heads of state}} often have various {{w|Flare (countermeasure)|countermeasures}} installed.

==Transcript==
: Megan: Shining laser pointers at planes is a federal crime. It's incredibly dangerous.
: Cueball: Oh, because it can blind the pilot?
: Megan: That's one reason...

: [A plane is shown, with a green laser pointer aimed at it.]

: [The laser disappears. A cat, approximately the same size as the plane, pounces on the plane and sends it tumbling.]

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Aviation]]
[[Category:Cats]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]

Talk:2243: Star Wars Spoiler Generator

2026-04-18T16:55:33Z

SacrifycedStoat:

Here is a fully documented R implementation! Enjoy: [https://blog.ephorie.de/learning-r-build-xkcds-star-wars-spoiler-generator Learning R: Build xkcd’s Star Wars Spoiler Generator]

I made this JavaScript implementation of the generator: https://codepen.io/qgustavor/full/gObgBxo [[Special:Contributions/172.68.24.70|172.68.24.70]] 22:33, 18 December 2019 (UTC)
:there are some words that should be capitalized: First Order, Sith, Force, Jawa... Also ochre is misspelt and colors should NOT be capitalized. Thanks![[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.196|141.101.98.196]] 10:21, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

who said that the rise of skywalker would be released two days before the publishing date after stating that it's going to be released on the twentieth?

Re: Malloc, there was also a Darth Malak, the antagonist of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic and a recurring character in the Old Republic comics [[Special:Contributions/172.69.69.244|172.69.69.244]] 02:08, 19 December 2019 (UTC)47.221.57.204

Should something be linked to about diectric breakdown, or is that considered obvious in the context of, er, Force lightning? Also, am I remembering right that Dark Helmet, in Spaceballs, wears a smaller helmet with a really big helmet over it? Maybe not! Robert Carnegie rja.carnegie@gmail.com [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.250|141.101.98.250]] 02:48, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

There are a couple of posts to be found online that refer to "Darth Sebelius" in the context of Obamacare, but they're all on pretty niche forums. --[[User:NotaBene|NotaBene]] ([[User talk:NotaBene|talk]]) 03:07, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

Perchance generator: https://perchance.org/q3wi2jqf0j [[Special:Contributions/173.245.54.59|173.245.54.59]] 03:16, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

For a less US-centric view, the movie was released officially in France and Norway (and probably also other countries) already on the 18.12. (that is December 18). So "On December 20, 2019 [...], the final movie [...] will be released." should say "[...] will be released in the US."[[Special:Contributions/162.158.134.220|162.158.134.220]] 12:01, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

Another generator: http://xkcd-2243.surge.sh/

I don't know enough to add to the actual page, but the Sith car wash reminded me of this. Perhaps it was also part of the inspiration for it? https://www.cnet.com/roadshow/news/tesla-laser-windshield-wiper-patent/ [[Special:Contributions/141.101.69.35|141.101.69.35]] 15:28, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

"A New Hope" should just be called "Star Wars". [[Special:Contributions/141.101.76.16|141.101.76.16]] 18:58, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

C#/LINQ: https://dotnetfiddle.net/r0JMJz

The title text just means that there are more lightsaber brushes to hurt the heroes, right? [[Special:Contributions/162.158.106.78|162.158.106.78]] 22:32, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

Is the Kyle Ren option a reference to being "A Kyle" (as defined at Urban Dictionary as "A Kyle is a young white man of low socio economic standing with a propensity to drink large quantities of Monster energy drink and do dumb stuff like punch holes in walls.") After all, Kylo Ren did tend to get angry and break stuff? [[User:Mneimeyer|Mneimeyer]] ([[User talk:Mneimeyer|talk]]) 23:01, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

Is darth sebelius a reference to the sibelius composing software?
:I would think the Sibelous software (1993-present) would instead be a definite reference to the Finnish composer (1865-1957) already part-posited as a possible influence for the Darth. Although I'd probably defer that suggestion in favour of the politician (1948-present, in direct politics until 2014?) even if I'd actually never heard of them from this side of The Pond. Still, there are weirder connections, so who knows? [[Special:Contributions/162.158.158.93|162.158.158.93]] 20:18, 21 December 2019 (UTC)

Please clarify the reference to Rey as a "Mary Sue." The linked article says that the only agreed on meaning for the term is that it is derogatory. Other than that, it appears to mean different things to different people. So it's inclusion here does not help explain the comic. What is it about Rey that gave her that label. Is it that she is not canon? Is it that she is overpowered? Probably better to just remove the Mary Sue jargon, and say whatever it is they say about those with other colored light sabers directly. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.246.77|108.162.246.77]] 01:45, 22 December 2019 (UTC)
: While I'm not sure about Rey being entirely a Mary-Sue (in my mind an 'author avatar' character - whether or not a prime protagonist or ascending sidekick, they're just too competent for the role and often a Mcguffin baker), she definitely has more than a little plot-armour (and plot-weapon-skill) that I ''hope'', when I see the filmm (within a week, by current plans), bodes for something other than 2xrnd(trader(junk)) as patentage. Or something else that's actually awesome to get round that without being ''deus ex''. But by dint of Windu's ''actor'' having been asked what colour of weapon he wanted (then him having requested what he did and then being granted it, - which might not have gone that far with less imaginative or influential actors) I'd count that as a very Mary-Sue-like thing, even if the rest of the badassness of that particular Jedi (the tone written prior to the resulting casting of the badass actor to fit) was just standard Major Supporting Character/Lancer fare. But just my musings, nothing official... [[Special:Contributions/162.158.158.179|162.158.158.179]] 13:07, 22 December 2019 (UTC)

I'm considering going through the table and adding a note for whether each thing is actually in Star Wars. would that be a good idea? [[Special:Contributions/172.68.141.136|172.68.141.136]] 06:48, 22 December 2019 (UTC)

"Triggering the end credits before the movie is done" is a reference to the "Credits Warp" category in {{w|speedrun|video game speedrunning}}. Where a normal speedrun aims to clear the final level and/or defeat the final boss as fast as possible, a "Credits Warp" aims to gain {{w|arbitrary code execution}} and trigger the end credits without finishing the game. The most famous example is [https://youtu.be/9cBIgCy27JI Super Mario World in 45 seconds]. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.77.62|141.101.77.62]] 14:24, 23 December 2019 (UTC)

I think the mouseover text is a reference to this scene in "Space Balls": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXOAc5yt218 ("Space Balls" is a satire of several films, including the original "Star Wars" trilogy.) In the "Space Balls" scene, the bad guys are using a robot to vacuum all the air out of the atmosphere of the planet. The bad guys have the upper hand until the good guys are able to flip the switch on the vacuum cleaner. "She's gone from 'suck' to 'blow'" is a fairly famous line in the movie. I don't know enough "Star Wars" to understand the reference, but if you flip a car wash from "regular" to "premium" I assume the bristles/lightsaber blades would spin faster. [[User:Mattj256|Mattj256]] ([[User talk:Mattj256|talk]]) 21:07, 23 December 2019 (UTC)

What is incomplete about this explanation? It looks pretty comprehensive to me [[User:Alcatraz ii|Alcatraz ii]] ([[User talk:Alcatraz ii|talk]]) 09:06, 3 April 2026 (UTC)

Why is there a ‘Kyle Ren’ and a ‘Kylo Ren’? [[User:SacrifycedStoat|SacrifycedStoat]] ([[User talk:SacrifycedStoat|talk]]) 16:55, 18 April 2026 (UTC)

2832: Urban Planning Opinion Progression

2026-04-18T16:16:30Z

SacrifycedStoat: Actual citation needed for Churchill quote

{{comic
| number = 2832
| date = September 22, 2023
| title = Urban Planning Opinion Progression
| image = urban_planning_opinion_progression_2x.png
| imagesize = 675x2033px
| before = [[#Explanation|↓ Skip to explanation ↓]]
| noexpand = true
| titletext = If they're going to make people ride bikes and scooters in traffic, then it should at LEAST be legal to do the Snow Crash thing where you use a hook-shot-style harpoon to catch free rides from cars.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic follows [[Cueball]], [[Megan]], [[Knit Cap]] and [[Ponytail]] as their beliefs evolve widely from a conventional car-first view of urban planning, then questioning the wisdom of car-centered policies, then favoring pedestrian-centered design, and finally wanting to discourage driving with tactics as extreme as road spikes.

As a clever form of satire, the comic has twin aims:
# Present a progressive argument leading to a logical conclusion that's humorously radical, likely mirroring Randall's own evolution
# Satirize the irony of US policy discussions that elevate theory and feeling over actual best practices used in other countries.

The '''first two panels''' present the conventional view.

* First, Cueball and Megan complain about the common problem many car-centric cities face about not having enough space for all the cars, and they give a conventional suggestion of making more space for cars.

* Next, Knit Cap mentions how she is going to visit {{w|Amsterdam}}, a city known for its {{w|walkability}} and bike friendliness, which gives Ponytail a chance to share the conventional concern that road cycling is bothersome to drivers.

* This is the only moment that anyone pays any attention to Knit Cap; later when she has lived experience of the topic, they ignore her.

In the '''third and fourth panels''', Cueball and Megan begin to evolve their thinking, wishing for better transit and more bike paths – another shortage common in car-centric cities – with Megan noticing that optimizing for drivers discourages pedestrians, which in turn spurs more driving – later calling it "a vicious cycle."
* Megan's comments could relate to {{w|Induced demand}}, an economic theory in which increasing the supply of a scarce good or service causes the demand to rise faster than the increased supply, worsening the shortage. Traffic is a common example: when US cities try to widen roads and highways, they also incentivize even more vehicles and more driving, worsening the traffic problem. Conversely, other cities have tried removing traffic lanes or converting them to dedicated public transit lanes, and have reported a reduction in traffic congestion, due to people choosing other transportation options. Among urban planners, this is known as the {{w|Downs–Thomson paradox}}.

In the '''fifth panel''' – taking place a week or two later – Knit Cap is back from her work trip to report that Amsterdam is really neat.

In the '''sixth panel''' Cueball's questioning turns into anger at car culture, beginning his full 180 from his previous, conventional car-centric view as he adopts a strong pedestrian-centric perspective.
* Cities face a dilemma of how to allocate limited street space. Car-centric cities allocate much more public land to vehicle storage and movement, leaving less space for bikes, pedestrians, dedicated transit corridors, greenspace, and density.

In the '''seventh panel''', Megan takes issue with a particular type of vehicle – "those giant trucks" – and their threat to kids. All cars have blind spots in the front, and large trucks have blind spots sizable enough for the truck driver to be unable to see a standing child right in front.
* "Those giant trucks" likely refers to large pickup trucks, though she might be singling out lifted pickup trucks (raised after purchase), large tractor trailer cabs, or garbage/construction-style trucks.

In the '''eighth panel''', Knit Cap's relevant personal observations gets ignored and interrupted by the armchair theorists – a subtle nod to how US policy debates often ignore successful examples from other developed countries.
* As Winston Churchill once said, “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing after they have tried everything else.” {{actual citation needed}}

In '''panels nine, ten, and eleven''', everyone's emotions peak with views that reach their zenith. Car culture is systemic! Driver-centric road planning is a vicious cycle! NETHERLANDS!

By the '''final two panels''', Cueball's and Megan's evolution is complete. Desperate for any fix, Cueball concludes that city livability calls for making the driving experience worse, and then he suggests tire spikes as a solution. The final joke is that Megan actually supports the tire spikes idea, and that this extreme idea emerges from logical reasoning.

Additionally, Cueball and Megan are coming up with crazy solutions while ironically ignoring Knit Cap's reasonable and practical lessons from how Amsterdam actually solves the problem. This continues the satire of US policy discussions that ignore real-world best practices because they come from across the Atlantic.

* A reader who has been nodding along the whole time may reflect if they agree with Megan's final idea — and if not, why not? The whole comic is a type of logical argument in which many small steps of reasoning can lead to eventually extreme and satirical conclusions, similar to the famous {{w|A Modest Proposal}} by Jonathan Swift. It seems that Randall is sharing the evolution of his own views, while self-awarely noting that (1) if you take those views as far as they'll go, you can support some radical implications, and that (2) it's common for Americans to ignore success stories like Amsterdam's.

The '''title text''' references a 1992 cyberpunk novel called "{{w|Snow Crash}}", by Neal Stephenson. In the future of the novel, the roads are still dominated by motor vehicles, but a subculture of skateboarders exists which uses electromagnetic "harpoons" to attach themselves temporarily to cars. This allows the skateboarders to travel more quickly, by stealing a small amount of momentum from the vehicles. The suggestion here seems to be that such a system (despite being dangerous and chaotic) advantages other forms of transport, at the expense of cars, and is therefore at least somewhat beneficial.

===What are the pros and cons of bike lanes?===
Protected bike lanes are safer compared to painted bike lanes, according to a [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2214140523001056 recent study]. It concluded that "protected bike lanes and buffered bike lanes had estimated protective effects on segments between intersections but estimated harmful effects at intersections. Conventional bike lanes had estimated harmful effects along segments and at intersections."

From a wider perspective, however much you attempt to segregate different forms of transport (at junctions and other bottlenecks where space cannot be reserved), you'll always need to bring bicycles and traffic back into contact, briefly, and in circumstances where motorized traffic has become unused to sharing the roadspace with the lighter vehicles. This is unlike a more integrated place like Amsterdam where a driver is rarely going to be surprised by the presence of bicycles, overlook them and therefore cause an accident.

=== What makes a city walkable? ===
To achieve a walkable area, urban planning (or zoning) must be seamlessly integrated with public transport planning. The central truth is that everybody is a pedestrian for some time, which also includes car drivers. Crucially, the average pedestrian is willing to walk about 2000 ft from their home to the next public transport stop, and an additional 2000 ft between the last public transport stop and their workplace. Opportunities for shopping and eating should exist at every connecting station, with the connections scheduled in a way that it both allows changing to the connecting train/tramway/bus immediately – as well as buying groceries.

For an area to be walkable, at a minimum, all roads should have a sidewalk,{{Actual citation needed}} which, of course, costs area, but make the pedestrians' lives much easier and safer. But then, not only roads impact walkability. In the United States, many places open to the public are, by municipal ordinances, forced to provide enough parking space for [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUNXFHpUhu8 all customers at any given time], which leads to serious knock-on effects: Pedestrians must often cross a large and weather-exposed parking lot in order to shop. A building can often be only re-purposed if a neighboring building is bulldozed to create the necessary parking area. And tenants who live in an apartment, but do not own a car, are forced to pay for the parking space they do not need. This creates difficulties, particularly in urban areas.

Another topic is subsidizing public traffic. Municipalities in Switzerland, for example, order bus connections – e.g. a hourly bus from 6 AM until 10 PM, and in exchange, they cover the deficit of any such connection. That way, families, who usually are better taxpayers, move to villages, and beginning with grade 5, 6 or 7, pupils can still easily commute to a district school.

==Transcript==
:'''Typical urban planning opinion progression'''

:[Each panel is connected to a point on a timeline. Timeline is recognizable as the tread of a bicycle tire. Label at the top of the timeline:]
:Start

:[Cueball is talking to Megan.]
:Cueball: I wish there wasn't so much traffic to get into the city. They should put in more lanes.
:Megan: And more parking.
:Megan: Parking is so bad here.

:[Knit Cap is talking to Ponytail. Ponytail has her arms spread out.]
:Knit Cap: I have to go to Amsterdam for work next week. I hear they all ride bikes there.
:Ponytail: Bikes are fine but people shouldn't ride them in the street! I worry I'm going to hit someone!

:[Close-up on Cueball.]
:Cueball: It would be nice if we had better transit options!
:Cueball: I tried a scooter. It was fun but I wish there were more bike paths.

:[Close-up on Megan, with her hand on her chin.]
:Megan: It's funny how widening roads to speed up traffic makes them more dangerous to walk near, making driving more necessary and creating more traffic.
:Megan: Really makes you think.

:[Close-up on Knit Cap.]
:Knit Cap: Visiting the Netherlands was cool!
:Knit Cap: Amsterdam is really neat.

:[Cueball with his palms to his sides.]
:Cueball: We've ceded so much of our land to storing and moving cars, with the rest of us tiptoeing around the edges and making drivers mad for trespassing on "their" space.
:Cueball: Even though '''''we're''''' the ones in danger from '''''them!'''''

:[Megan with her arms spread out.]
:Megan: Those giant trucks with front blind spots that keep hitting kids should be illegal.

:[Knit Cap with her finger raised.]
:Knit Cap: We should be more like the Netherlands.
:Knit Cap: They design their streets to prioritize...

:[Cueball is frustrated and has his palms raised.]
:Cueball: The problem is car culture. It's systemic.
:Cueball: I don't know if we can fix it.

:[Megan’s arms are thrown out, and her hair is bedraggled.]
:Megan: People approach road planning decisions from the point of view of drivers because that's how we're used to interacting with the city, so we make choices that make it more car-friendly.
:Megan: It's a vicious cycle.

:[Knit Cap is walking around with two Dutch flags (in grayscale) raised in her hands.]
:Knit Cap: '''''Netherlands! Netherlands! Netherlands! Netherlands!'''''

:[Cueball, with his finger raised, talking to Megan.]
:Cueball: Anything that makes a city a worse place to drive in makes it a better place to live, short of scattering random tire spikes on the road.

:[Close-up on Megan.]
:Megan: Honestly, I think the city council should consider the tire spikes thing.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Knit Cap]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]

3204: Dinosaurs And Non-Dinosaurs

2026-03-24T03:34:07Z

SacrifycedStoat: A stapler is not a creature.

{{comic
| number = 3204
| date = February 6, 2026
| title = Dinosaurs And Non-Dinosaurs
| image = dinosaurs_and_non_dinosaurs_2x.png
| imagesize = 370x283px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Staplers are actually in Pseudosuchia, making them more closely related to crocodiles than to dinosaurs.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created by a CHROME DINOSAUR; however, it is definitely not. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

This comic explores the seeming paradox that certain extinct prehistoric species which are popularly thought of as being "dinosaurs" are, from a strict {{w|taxonomy|taxonomic}} viewpoint, not. It also takes into account the fact that all {{w|bird}} species are descended from {{w|dinosaur}}s and thus - again, from a strict taxonomic viewpoint - are themselves dinosaurs as well (see [[1211: Birds and Dinosaurs]]). To illustrate this, [[Randall]] provides silhouettes of
* dinosaurs
* entities that are widely thought of as dinosaurs but are not
* entities that are ''not'' widely thought of as dinosaurs but ''are'' (i.e. birds)
* and, lastly, entities that are neither dinosaurs nor thought of as dinosaurs (which is funny because it's so all-encompassing as to be practically meaningless, just like it would be if you replaced the word "dinosaurs" by any other plural noun or adjective).

=== Creatures that seem like dinosaurs and are dinosaurs ===
* {{w|Stegosaurus}} was a herbivorous genus of dinosaurs from the {{w|Late Jurassic}} period with spikes on their tails and distinctive upright plates along their backs. The function of the spikes and plates is the subject of much speculation among scientists, with the current consensus being that the spikes were used for defense and the plates used for display. First identified during the {{w|Bone Wars}}, illustrations of Stegosaurus have been in popular media for over 150 years.
* {{w|Triceratops}}, named for the three horns on its face, was a {{w|Late Cretaceous}} dinosaur, living during the {{w|Maastrichtian}} age up until the K-PG extinction event. First displayed at the 1900 {{w|Paris Exposition}}, Triceratops has been one of the most popularly displayed dinosaurs, due to the abundance of fossils and distinctive appearance. Its appearance in {{w|The Lost World (1925 film)|various}} {{w|Fantasia (1940 film)|films}} {{w|The Lost World|over}} {{w|Jurassic Park|time}} has made Triceratops one of the most distinctive dinosaurs.
* {{w|Tyrannosaurus}} Rex, whose name literally translates to ''Tyrant-Lizard King'', was also a {{w|Late Cretaceous}} dinosaur, living during the {{w|Maastrichtian}} Age at the very end of the period. It was a contemporary of Triceratops and Mosasaurs, also listed in this comic. T-Rex is arguably the most well-known dinosaur, due to the recovery of intact skeletons, as well as successful marketing and pop-culture influences, such as ''{{w|Jurassic Park}}'', one of Randall's favorite films.
* {{w|Diplodocus}}
* {{w|Velociraptor}}

=== Creatures that seem like dinosaurs, but are not ===
Dinosaur is a {{w|paleontology}} term which refers to a specific group of reptiles, based upon evolutionary lines, bone structure and living domain. However, non-experts may have difficulty distinguishing these from other extinct large reptiles/creatures and apply the term somewhat indiscriminately, hence the confusion between what is scientifically included and what is culturally assumed to be included.

The creatures listed are:
* {{w|Mosasaur}}s were aquatic reptiles that existed during the Cretaceous. Although mosasaurs appeared in ''{{w|Jurassic World}}'', they are not closely related to dinosaurs. They actually evolved from lizards and are most closely related to either snakes or varanoids (such as the Komodo dragon).
* {{w|Plesiosaur}}s were another group of Mesozoic aquatic reptiles. Their place in the reptile family tree is debated, as they are not closely related to dinosaurs or any extant reptile.
* {{w|Pteranodon}} belonged to the group of flying reptiles known as pterosaurs. While dinosaurs and pterosaurs are both archosaurs and are more closely related to each other than other archosaurs (such as crocodilians; see title text explanation below), they diverged around 250 MYA, and are distinct enough to be entirely separate lineages.
* {{w|Dimetrodon}} lived in the {{w|Paleozoic}}, well before dinosaurs first evolved. They are synapsids, which makes them more closely related to {{w|mammal}}s than to any living reptiles.
* {{w|Quetzalcoatlus}} was a genus of flying pterosaurs, like ''Pteranodon'', that lived in the Maastrichtian Age (the end of the Cretaceous) alongside mosasaurs, T-Rex and many others. They were some of the largest flying animals in history, with wingspans up to 36 feet (11m). They were not, however, dinosaurs, as they had pterosaur ancestry.

=== Creatures that don't seem like dinosaurs, but are ===
Due to the popular depiction of dinosaurs as prehistoric large reptiles, many people don't view modern birds as dinosaurs. However, as Randall [[1211: Birds and Dinosaurs|loves to remind people]], dinosaurs such as ''T-rex'' are more closely related (temporally, anatomically and phylogenetically) to birds than to some other dinosaurs such as ''Stegosaurus'', and therefore, birds '''are''' dinosaurs in their own right.
* {{w|Penguin}}
* {{w|Heron}}
* {{w|Ostrich}}
* {{w|Pigeon}}
* {{w|Falcon}} or {{w|Petrel}} (both of them qualify)

=== Things that don't seem like dinosaurs, and are not ===
* {{w|Squirrel}}: Squirrels are mammals, and dinosaurs are reptiles. Most people also think of dinosaurs as large and dangerous, while squirrels tend to be small, cute and relatively harmless (although their bites can transmit infection). Could also be made of [[2186: Dark Matter|dark matter]].
* {{w|Stapler}}: Staplers are inanimate objects, and dinosaurs are living creatures.
* {{w|Flowerpot|Potted plant}} or {{w|pineapple}}: Dinosaurs are animals, and plants are not.
* {{w|Human}} ([[Cueball]]): Humans are mammals, and dinosaurs are reptiles. In fact, the {{w|Jurassic Park (franchise)|''Jurassic Park''}} series often pits the two against each other.
* {{w|Bicycle}}: While they tend to be more mobile than staplers, and have {{w|Dandy horse|some relation}} to horses, bicycles are also not living creatures.

The title text is a further joke about taxonomy, seemingly predicated on the assumption that staplers are biological organisms (which they are not),{{Citation needed}} and can thus be sorted into taxa. ''{{w|Pseudosuchia}}'' is in fact the clade of archosaurs that includes crocodilians, and staplers bear a certain resemblance to the open mouth of a crocodilian. Also, "suchia" sounds a little like "suture," and in some sense staples are pseudo {{w|Surgical suture|sutures}}.

The original {{w|Linnaean taxonomy}} ''did'' at first have a top-level classification for "mineral" taxonomy, in addition to those for animal and plant, which {{w|Twenty questions#Popular variants|in its broadest sense}} might allow one to assign a stapler a taxonomic relationship with dinosaurs.

==Transcript==
:[A 2x2 chart where each of the four quadrants contains five silhouettes. These depict various animals, a few objects, and a human. Above each column and to the left of each row there are a label:]
:[Left column:] Are dinosaurs
:[Right column:] Are not dinosaurs
:[Upper row:] Seem like dinosaurs
:[Lower row:] Don't seem like dinosaurs

:[Here follows a list of what are in each of the four quadrants:]

:[Top left (seem like dinosaurs, are dinosaurs):]
:[Stegosaurus, triceratops, tyrannosaurus, diplodocus, and velociraptor.]

:[Top right (seem like dinosaurs, are not dinosaurs):]
:[Mosasaur, quetzalcoatlus, dimetrodon, plesiosaur, and pteranodon.]

:[Bottom left (don't seem like dinosaurs, are dinosaurs):]
:[Penguin, egret, falcon, pigeon, and ostrich.]

:[Bottom right (don't seem like dinosaurs, are not dinosaurs):]
:[Squirrel, stapler, bicycle, human (here depicted as Cueball), and potted plant.]

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>
[[Category:Confusion matrices]]
[[Category:Biology]]
[[Category:Dinosaurs]]
[[Category:Velociraptors]]
[[Category:Squirrels]]
[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]

Talk:2753: Air Handler

2026-03-22T23:09:17Z

SacrifycedStoat:

I called the device an Air Handler in the transcript, but should we change that? [[User:E'); DROP TABLE users;--|E'); DROP TABLE users;--]] ([[User talk:E'); DROP TABLE users;--|talk]]) 5:11, 23 March 2023 (UTC)

"It is not particularly usual to directly monitor the number of bees in an air-stream" - understatement of the week :o) [[Special:Contributions/172.68.210.41|172.68.210.41]] 05:46, 23 March 2023 (UTC)
:And statements like these are the reason why explainxkcd is so great :D [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 11:06, 23 March 2023 (UTC)

I think the transcript is complete, will be deleting unless someone proves otherwise in four hours. [[User:E'); DROP TABLE users;--|E'); DROP TABLE users;--]] ([[User talk:E'); DROP TABLE users;--|talk]]) 11:50, 23 March 2023 (UTC)

Some of these parameters have an ideal range (temperature, humidity, pressure), but others should be minimized (dust, smoke, odors, number of bees). Well, not into the negative range, but I think you'll understand me! ~ [[user:megan|Megan]] she/her [[user talk:megan|talk]]/[[special:contribs/megan|contribs]] 23:44, 23 March 2023 (UTC)

:Well, if there are config files, you can just set the range to be from 0 to 0. Then again, this is Black Hat... [[Special:Contributions/198.41.238.10|198.41.238.10]] 03:15, 24 March 2023 (UTC)
::connect it to a computer with a (maybe USB-C or some other) cable and go and add "minBees = 0;
maxBees = 0;" to /scripts/ControlAir/config.conf [[Special:Contributions/172.68.183.13|172.68.183.13]] 13:27, 28 March 2023 (UTC)
:::I think it'll need a USB-EE connector, actually... [[Special:Contributions/172.70.162.158|172.70.162.158]] 02:07, 29 March 2023 (UTC)
::I think that he made it so that "number of bees" had to be nonzero. Also, I think that the negative range could be available, and would be... weird. --[[User:Purah126|Purah126]] ([[User talk:Purah126|talk]]) 12:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC)
:::I personally would like to see a device that generates negative bees... I'm deathly phobic. [[User:RandalSchwartz|RandalSchwartz]] ([[User talk:RandalSchwartz|talk]]) 18:24, 26 March 2023 (UTC)
::::I hope doesn't generate anti-bees. That would be slightly problematic since anti-bees react exothermically with most common materials, including air, water, and (to scare off some chemists) glass. ~ [[user:megan|Megan]] she/her [[user talk:megan|talk]]/[[special:contribs/megan|contribs]] 18:47, 26 March 2023 (UTC)
:::MinBees = 0.5;
:::MaxBees = 1.5;[[Special:Contributions/172.71.242.191|172.71.242.191]] 08:03, 27 March 2023 (UTC)

This immediately got me wondering how it would deal with excess bees. It's not like you can filter them out as they pass through the device. It'd have to launch some kind of tiny flying robot to attack them or something. And then if there's too few bees, well… Let's just say I was pretty confident that the title text would use the word "drones" at least twice. -- [[User:Angel|Angel]] ([[User talk:Angel|talk]]) 09:15, 24 March 2023 (UTC)
:1) Filtration through mosquito-net would be possible, and since these nets are frequently metallic, durability is a moot point.
2) Bee storage unit (perhaps those captured excess bees could be stored themselves to reduce bee wastage) could be a component. [[User:1844161|1844161]] ([[User talk:1844161|talk]]) 15:36, 14 April 2023 (UTC)

I could see a VR rig adding a (controlled) pulse of H2S when you enter a sewer. With hardware limits to prevent any dangerous concentrations of course. {{unsigned ip|172.71.158.7}}

"Amount of bees" doesn't seem to make sense unless the air handler can view the contents of the entire room. "Concentation of bees" makes more sense. ~ Megan she/her [[user talk:megan|talk]]/[[special:contribs/megan|contribs]] 18:52, 26 March 2023 (UTC)
:A standard air-conditioner can only work with the air in its own air-channel (and maybe detect the state of the air that touches it, if it has external sensors) so I'd say that it's perfectly valid to do a count of bees that [[571: Can't Sleep|get spotted moving through/by it]].
:But then this is a Black Hat, doing this. Who knows quite what he's implmented... ;) [[Special:Contributions/141.101.99.113|141.101.99.113]] 19:22, 26 March 2023 (UTC)
:Is a "normal amount of bees" a floating point? imagine – darkness bright 07:35, 1 April 2023 (UTC)

My first thought on reading the panel is that the device might not actually do anything. For example if the lower limit for temperature is set to absolute zero and the upper limit as the temperature of the universe at the time of the big bang.[[Special:Contributions/172.71.254.135|172.71.254.135]] 04:39, 12 April 2023 (UTC)
:Small amount of temperature variation [[User:Psychoticpotato|Psychoticpotato]] ([[User talk:Psychoticpotato|talk]]) 12:38, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

The explanation uses an inconsistent spelling of odor/odour. Should someone change that, or is it fine? (The comic uses "odor"). [[User:SacrifycedStoat|SacrifycedStoat]] ([[User talk:SacrifycedStoat|talk]]) 23:09, 22 March 2026 (UTC)

2753: Air Handler

2026-03-22T23:00:43Z

SacrifycedStoat: It said that one would not miss odors if they were gone, but there is an odor that one, specifically a chemist, would miss: the lack of rotten eggs.

{{comic
| number = 2753
| date = March 22, 2023
| title = Air Handler
| image = air_handler_2x.png
| imagesize = 591x228px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = It maintains odor levels in a normal familiar range, so if you open the windows and the air gets too fresh, it filters it through some dirty laundry samples to compensate.
}}

==Explanation==

[[Black Hat]] is demonstrating an air-conditioning unit that covers a wide variety of air qualities, as opposed to a heater that just warms air, a filter that just removes dust or a dehumidifier with the main purpose of removing moisture from the air.

In many devices that manage certain atmospheric conditions in a building using one device, an operational range is usually defined, and not one number. For example, when using a {{w|heat pump}}, if the interior temperature drops below a preset lower limit, then the heating function would be activated. If the interior temperature rises above another preset upper limit, the cooling function would be activated. This kind of ranged function is common with humidifier/dehumidifier units as well, to create a comfortable condition not too dry nor too damp for comfort. By specifying upper and lower limits for the operation of the device in question, minor variations of the controlled value will not cause the device to rapidly turn on and off, even working against itself, improving efficiency and reducing unnecessary wear and tear on the device and the building contents.

Devices that manage temperature and humidity are often installed in buildings to improve occupant comfort. Beyond that, the listed qualities become increasingly problematic and even dangerous.

Changing the pressure of the air could lead to <s>unintended</s> effects like large winds blowing through any cracks in the building.

The air handler also attempts to force the parameters of dust, smoke, odours, and number of bees into an "ideal" range. However, as opposed to being in a certain range, most people who live indoors prefer that these be minimised.{{citation needed}} It's also worth noting that "a normal amount" of bees varies widely depending on the situation. A typical honeybee colony contains [https://www.science.org.au/curious/earth-environment/honeybee-hive 60,000 to 80,000 bees], and a typical {{w|Swarming_(honey_bee)|swarm}} (bees looking to establish a new hive) is anywhere from [https://www.bee-commerce.com/content/freedownloads/FactsAboutSwarms.pdf 1,500 to 30,000]. To pollinate an acre of fruiting trees typically requires a minimum of [https://treefruit.wsu.edu/orchard-management/pollination/honey-bees/ 20,000 bees], or approximately five bees per square meter.

It is not particularly usual to directly monitor the number of bees in an air-stream (usually, insect-screens are the main way to filter out any pesky creatures that might find themselves likely to be caught up in that way), and one might imagine that the upper limit ''should'' be zero, for use indoors in standard living/working spaces, but it might be technically feasible to accurately count bees (with or without distinguishing from wasps and other flying insects) and be able to allow ''some''. But, unlike temperature or humidity, it would be rare (outside of a location used for agriculture) to have a non-zero ''minimum'' desirable quantity of bees. Even more so to then be directly equipped to upwardly correct the current value. The comic ends with Megan asking what the minimum value for bees is, and Black Hat giving an unhelpful but ominous answer that seems to confirm the "minimum number" of bees is ''not zero'', with his machine priming itself to release bees to get from below that minimum (it seems to have at least one trapped inside it ready to be released, judging by the buzzing sound). Even after any 'lack of' bees is dealt with, it's implied the machine can also generate smoke, dust and odours – something one would typically not miss if lacking.{{citation needed}} (Unless, of course, you count [[2373: Chemist Eggs | the lack of rotten eggs]] as an odor.)

As the title text elaborates, the machine analyses and adjusts the ''freshness'' of the air. A smart system in charge of odour-control (by spraying smell-suppressing chemicals and/or more desirable and dominant scents) could be made less wasteful by only trying to ''freshen'' the air when it detects enough necessity. But, of course, this machine also has an opposing limit. And, when the air is considered ''too'' fresh, it has a way of ''adding'' staleness/stinkiness to meet expectations with dirty laundry.

==Transcript==
:[Black Hat is standing to the right of an "air handler", talking to Cueball and Megan on the left side, probably presenting the sales pitch for the air handler in between them.]
:Black Hat: Our device monitors your home's air and keeps every variable between a lower and upper limit.

:[Zoom in on Black Hat]
:Black Hat: Temperature, humidity, pressure, dust, smoke, odors, number of bees...

:[Zoom out similar to Frame #1]
:Megan: Wait.
:Megan: What's the '''''lower''''' limit for "number of bees"?
:Black Hat: A normal amount.
:Air Handler: ''Bzzzzzz''

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Black Hat]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Bees]]

3177: Chessboard Alignment

2026-03-18T15:04:45Z

SacrifycedStoat: Added that a square would have to divide the great circle *a rational number* of times. Before, it was implied that it would need to be an integer.

{{comic
| number = 3177
| date = December 5, 2025
| title = Chessboard Alignment
| image = chessboard_alignment_2x.png
| imagesize = 397x289px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Luckily, the range is limited by the fact that the square boundary lines follow great circles.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created BY AN ALIGNED BISHOP. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}
The comic shows an overhead view of three chess boards side by side, with an average of two players facing each other across the boards. Yellow squares (used to show the available or actual movement of a given piece) have been marked leading from the starting position of the middle board's right bishop (F1) to the upper-right. The path continues beyond the edge of the middle board, across four columns of empty space or unseen table, and ends in the top left corner (A8) of the right board. The right board has only one rook (black rectangle) while the other two boards each have two, so it is implied that the bishop has captured the rook, and the player who made the move is now apparently paying attention to (and plausibly co-playing with the neighbouring player on) the board he has moved his piece to. The text below jokingly claims that if you align chess boards exactly, pieces can cross the boundary like this. This is not legal in normal chess,{{Citation needed}} but fits into [[Randall]]'s long history of comics about unusual chess rules or boards.

The position on the left board is from a blitz game played between Judit Polgar and Magnus Carlsen in Madrid in 2022.[https://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=2325478] The middle board's position seems to have followed (up until before this cross-boards move) the game seen in [[3045: AlphaMove]].

The title text refers to the fact that chess boards are normally placed approximately level (parallel to the surface of the Earth). As such there are two different possible interpretations of the title text, whether you are following geodesics on the surface of the Earth (any great circle) or following the geodesics of spacetime (leaving the Earth and going into space).

; Following great circles
A perfect line of chessboards placed end-to-end on the surface of an Earth-sized sphere (or on perfectly placed tables on that sphere) would form a {{w|great circle}} - the longest possible path around that sphere, as well as only straight path on spheres. This rule would allow chess moves between boards that were kilometers (or even whole countries) apart in any direction, along {{w|great circles}} of the Earth, as any straight line on any sphere or ellipsoid can be extended all the way across. If following the great circle along the ground was considered a straight line, then it would also be possible for each side's rooks, bishops and queen to capture their counterparts in the other color's back row, or, in a later game, they would be able to teleport between left and right sides, or jump onto the other side of any diagonal for pieces that move diagonally, as it would be possible to go around planet following any horizontal, vertical or diagonal line of the chessboard. If no other chessboard were involved it would make it into [https://www.chessvariants.org/shape.dir/torus_standard_board.html Torus chess], but only for pieces that can move an unlimited amount of squares. It would also function differently from Torus Chess for diagonal-movers, because they would move around to the other end of their own diagonal, not loop to the diagonal 4 squares away in a perpendicular direction. There is a caveat to all of this though: the size of a square would have to divide the great circle exactly a rational number of times, with a precision down to micrometers. (The denominator of such number represents how many times that piece would have to go sound the earth.) Quite possibly only one direction would work, if any at all, since Earth is not a perfect sphere, so distance around the Earth would differ in different directions. Notable exceptions would be the South and North Poles, where all great circles are the same. While the North Pole is in the {{w|Arctic Ocean}}, so you won't be able to stay level there easily, at the South Pole there is the {{w|Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station}}, where this variant of chess could be more interesting if you had the correct size of board squares, with both verticals and horizontals working. Alternatively, you could replace squares on the chessboard with rectangles. The difference between vertical and horizontal length would not have to be more than 0.08%, which at regular chessboard size would result in difference of less than 0.5mm, which will be barely noticeable. Replacing squares with rectangles presents a problem, because if you want for chessboard to always be aligned, the required dimensions would depend on the latitude where the chessboard is located, and you would need to put the chessboard at a precise angle on top. Having many different chessboards for different latitudes would not be sustainable.{{Citation needed}}

When you have to pick a single direction that works for looping your own chessboard then there are three options for orienting the chessboard:
* If you choose a horizontal line, then you will get a limited variant of {{w|Cylinder chess}}, where only the Queen and Rooks can utilize the wraparound, and only when moving horizontally.
* If you choose a vertical line, it is technically also a cylinder for Rooks and Queens, but it will create an interesting dynamic, where players would be able to exchange queens and rooks in the first 2 turns (for example, doing this opening: 1. Qxd8+ Kxd8 2. Rxh8 Rxa1).
* If you choose a diagonal, then it will result in Queens and Bishops being able to jump over all pieces (they cannot switch to a different diagonal, as in cylinder chess, as all diagonals will loop on themselves), though they would have to have visibility of one of the edges of the chess board. Also, they cannot jam themselves in-between 2 or more pieces, as they would emerge on the opposite side of the diagonal. Most likely, diagonal works only in one of the two possible directions too, so there is an extra choice there (unless you are at one of the Earth's poles, where you can make both diagonal directions work).

; Following the geodesics of spacetime
While nearby boards would appear to be in the same plane, the curvature of the Earth would cause boards more distant than 3.57 meters away to be in planes so different that the squares would be more than a micrometer off from the ideal straight lines leading off the board. It is thus implied that each infinite-range piece's valid path is a straight line of virtual squares that eventually leads into space. Straight lines would have to be in the overall spacetime of the universe along a {{w|Geodesics in general relativity|geodesic}}. This would not rule out motion to another board on another celestial body or spaceship, though delivery of a chess piece across this distance would be impractical{{Citation needed}} and other objects in space would move so fast relative to your board that they would be in alignment for only a fraction of a second, unless it is a satellite in a {{w|geostationary orbit}}. If you want to be level with Earth and 'aim' your chessboard at a geostationary satellite, you would have to be at latitude of around 81.4° in either Arctic or Antarctic, because those orbits are so far away from the Earth. So chess games would have to take place at some {{w|List of northernmost settlements|arctic research station}} ({{w|Station Nord, Greenland}} being the optimal) or somewhere on the continent of {{w|Antarctica}} (the best research station there would be {{w|Sobral Base}}, though not as good as Station Nord). If this interpretation is accepted then this can be considered a second comic in a week about [[3174: Bridge Clearance|distances extending past typical boundaries]].

[[:Category:Chess|Chess]] is a common recurring theme on xkcd.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

:[An aerial view of three chess-games, with six players shown, in each case with white at the near-side of board (towards the bottom of the comic panel) and each having reasonably developed game positions.]
:[The middle board has yellow highlight on the squares from white's King's Bishop's original position, diagonally forward-right to the respective edge square of the board, then four more squares in the gap between boards until ending on the black Queen's Rook square of the right-hand board, which appears now to have three white bishops, one of them on this rook's starting square.
:[There is just one black rook, elsewhere on the right board, whether or not the other was lost to middle-board's bishop, and the middle board has only one bishop (and is lacking three pawns, with just two others still in their starting positions), for white, with apparently their King sent forward-left by two successive diagonal moves but no other major pieces having noticably relocated.]
:[The middle board's near-side player has now also moved across to pay attention to the right hand board, leaving only his opponent facing his original board.]

:[Text below the main scene's panel:] It doesn't happen often because it requires micrometer precision, but if two chess boards are '''''perfectly''''' aligned, it's actually legal to move pieces between them.

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>
[[Category:Chess]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Geometry]]

3177: Chessboard Alignment

2026-03-18T14:52:06Z

SacrifycedStoat: The comparison to torus chess was inaccurate, specially for bishops and queens moving diagonally.

{{comic
| number = 3177
| date = December 5, 2025
| title = Chessboard Alignment
| image = chessboard_alignment_2x.png
| imagesize = 397x289px
| noexpand = true
| titletext = Luckily, the range is limited by the fact that the square boundary lines follow great circles.
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|This page was created BY AN ALIGNED BISHOP. Don't remove this notice too soon.}}
The comic shows an overhead view of three chess boards side by side, with an average of two players facing each other across the boards. Yellow squares (used to show the available or actual movement of a given piece) have been marked leading from the starting position of the middle board's right bishop (F1) to the upper-right. The path continues beyond the edge of the middle board, across four columns of empty space or unseen table, and ends in the top left corner (A8) of the right board. The right board has only one rook (black rectangle) while the other two boards each have two, so it is implied that the bishop has captured the rook, and the player who made the move is now apparently paying attention to (and plausibly co-playing with the neighbouring player on) the board he has moved his piece to. The text below jokingly claims that if you align chess boards exactly, pieces can cross the boundary like this. This is not legal in normal chess,{{Citation needed}} but fits into [[Randall]]'s long history of comics about unusual chess rules or boards.

The position on the left board is from a blitz game played between Judit Polgar and Magnus Carlsen in Madrid in 2022.[https://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=2325478] The middle board's position seems to have followed (up until before this cross-boards move) the game seen in [[3045: AlphaMove]].

The title text refers to the fact that chess boards are normally placed approximately level (parallel to the surface of the Earth). As such there are two different possible interpretations of the title text, whether you are following geodesics on the surface of the Earth (any great circle) or following the geodesics of spacetime (leaving the Earth and going into space).

; Following great circles
A perfect line of chessboards placed end-to-end on the surface of an Earth-sized sphere (or on perfectly placed tables on that sphere) would form a {{w|great circle}} - the longest possible path around that sphere, as well as only straight path on spheres. This rule would allow chess moves between boards that were kilometers (or even whole countries) apart in any direction, along {{w|great circles}} of the Earth, as any straight line on any sphere or ellipsoid can be extended all the way across. If following the great circle along the ground was considered a straight line, then it would also be possible for each side's rooks, bishops and queen to capture their counterparts in the other color's back row, or, in a later game, they would be able to teleport between left and right sides, or jump onto the other side of any diagonal for pieces that move diagonally, as it would be possible to go around planet following any horizontal, vertical or diagonal line of the chessboard. If no other chessboard were involved it would make it into [https://www.chessvariants.org/shape.dir/torus_standard_board.html Torus chess], but only for pieces that can move an unlimited amount of squares. It would also function differently from Torus Chess for diagonal-movers, because they would move around to the other end of their own diagonal, not loop to the diagonal 4 squares away in a perpendicular direction. There is a caveat to all of this though: the size of a square would have to divide the great circle exactly, with a precision down to micrometers. Quite possibly only one direction would work, if any at all, since Earth is not a perfect sphere, so distance around the Earth would differ in different directions. Notable exceptions would be the South and North Poles, where all great circles are the same. While the North Pole is in the {{w|Arctic Ocean}}, so you won't be able to stay level there easily, at the South Pole there is the {{w|Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station}}, where this variant of chess could be more interesting if you had the correct size of board squares, with both verticals and horizontals working. Alternatively, you could replace squares on the chessboard with rectangles. The difference between vertical and horizontal length would not have to be more than 0.08%, which at regular chessboard size would result in difference of less than 0.5mm, which will be barely noticeable. Replacing squares with rectangles presents a problem, because if you want for chessboard to always be aligned, the required dimensions would depend on the latitude where the chessboard is located, and you would need to put the chessboard at a precise angle on top. Having many different chessboards for different latitudes would not be sustainable.{{Citation needed}}

When you have to pick a single direction that works for looping your own chessboard then there are three options for orienting the chessboard:
* If you choose a horizontal line, then you will get a limited variant of {{w|Cylinder chess}}, where only the Queen and Rooks can utilize the wraparound, and only when moving horizontally.
* If you choose a vertical line, it is technically also a cylinder for Rooks and Queens, but it will create an interesting dynamic, where players would be able to exchange queens and rooks in the first 2 turns (for example, doing this opening: 1. Qxd8+ Kxd8 2. Rxh8 Rxa1).
* If you choose a diagonal, then it will result in Queens and Bishops being able to jump over all pieces (they cannot switch to a different diagonal, as in cylinder chess, as all diagonals will loop on themselves), though they would have to have visibility of one of the edges of the chess board. Also, they cannot jam themselves in-between 2 or more pieces, as they would emerge on the opposite side of the diagonal. Most likely, diagonal works only in one of the two possible directions too, so there is an extra choice there (unless you are at one of the Earth's poles, where you can make both diagonal directions work).

; Following the geodesics of spacetime
While nearby boards would appear to be in the same plane, the curvature of the Earth would cause boards more distant than 3.57 meters away to be in planes so different that the squares would be more than a micrometer off from the ideal straight lines leading off the board. It is thus implied that each infinite-range piece's valid path is a straight line of virtual squares that eventually leads into space. Straight lines would have to be in the overall spacetime of the universe along a {{w|Geodesics in general relativity|geodesic}}. This would not rule out motion to another board on another celestial body or spaceship, though delivery of a chess piece across this distance would be impractical{{Citation needed}} and other objects in space would move so fast relative to your board that they would be in alignment for only a fraction of a second, unless it is a satellite in a {{w|geostationary orbit}}. If you want to be level with Earth and 'aim' your chessboard at a geostationary satellite, you would have to be at latitude of around 81.4° in either Arctic or Antarctic, because those orbits are so far away from the Earth. So chess games would have to take place at some {{w|List of northernmost settlements|arctic research station}} ({{w|Station Nord, Greenland}} being the optimal) or somewhere on the continent of {{w|Antarctica}} (the best research station there would be {{w|Sobral Base}}, though not as good as Station Nord). If this interpretation is accepted then this can be considered a second comic in a week about [[3174: Bridge Clearance|distances extending past typical boundaries]].

[[:Category:Chess|Chess]] is a common recurring theme on xkcd.

==Transcript==
{{incomplete transcript|Don't remove this notice too soon.}}

:[An aerial view of three chess-games, with six players shown, in each case with white at the near-side of board (towards the bottom of the comic panel) and each having reasonably developed game positions.]
:[The middle board has yellow highlight on the squares from white's King's Bishop's original position, diagonally forward-right to the respective edge square of the board, then four more squares in the gap between boards until ending on the black Queen's Rook square of the right-hand board, which appears now to have three white bishops, one of them on this rook's starting square.
:[There is just one black rook, elsewhere on the right board, whether or not the other was lost to middle-board's bishop, and the middle board has only one bishop (and is lacking three pawns, with just two others still in their starting positions), for white, with apparently their King sent forward-left by two successive diagonal moves but no other major pieces having noticably relocated.]
:[The middle board's near-side player has now also moved across to pay attention to the right hand board, leaving only his opponent facing his original board.]

:[Text below the main scene's panel:] It doesn't happen often because it requires micrometer precision, but if two chess boards are '''''perfectly''''' aligned, it's actually legal to move pieces between them.

{{comic discussion}}<noinclude>
[[Category:Chess]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Geometry]]

285: Wikipedian Protester

2025-10-27T00:05:53Z

SacrifycedStoat: Added that the text (citation needed) is underlined to the transcript.

{{comic
| number = 285
| date = July 4, 2007
| title = Wikipedian Protester
| image = wikipedian_protester.png
| titletext = SEMI-PROTECT THE CONSTITUTION
}}

==Explanation==
[[Cueball]] holds up a sign reading "[Citation needed]" during a political speech. The sign text is based on the {{w|Wikipedia:Citation needed|Wikipedia template}} that can be placed next to statements that need citations, usually because of questionable validity. (It looks like this: {{Citation needed}}) Cueball is using this template to challenge the politician's speech, as political speakers often throw out claims having dubious or no factual basis. This comic was posted on {{w|Independence Day}} in 2007, which may explain its focus on classically American issues such as free speech, protest, and the Constitution (as well as the presence of the country's flag on the podium).

The title text represents an alternative sign the protester could be holding. It is a pun on popular phrase "protect the Constitution", which urges politicians to pass and enforce laws in a way that preserves the rules and rights set down by the {{w|Constitution of the United States|U.S. constitution}}. "Semi-protect" is a reference to the {{w|Wikipedia:Semi-protection policy|Wikipedia semi-protection policy}}, which is used to prevent important articles from being edited anonymously or by new users. Semi-protection on an article is shown by displaying this lock [[File:semi-protection-lock.png|12px]] on the top right of an article. Constitutional amendments are proposed by Congress, which isn't anonymous, meaning that in effect, all articles of the Constitution are technically already semi-protected. Funnily enough, the "{{w|Constitution}}" and "{{w|Constitution of the United States}}" articles on Wikipedia are now semi-protected due to excessive vandalism.

==Transcript==
:[A man (presumably some sort of electoral candidate) with flat, dark hair is standing at a podium. He is speaking to a crowd while standing behind a lectern. The lectern has a microphone on the top and sports an American flag in color on the side. He holds an arm on the lectern and the other arm is held up in front of him with a finger pointing upwards. There are four red stars on the side of the podium below him and behind him something that could be high curtains. There is an empty gap between the podium and the first people in the crowd followed by a stick with a red top, which indicates a fence to keep the crowd at a distance from the podium. After the fence there is a large crowd of people listening, most of them only partly drawn, and a lot of them lacking hair. Three signs can be seen above the heads of the crowd, but two are just blank white, except for one in the middle of the crowd. There, a Cueball has been raised above the rest of the crowd (possibly on someone else's shoulders) while holding a large sign above his head in both hands. The sign has underlined blue text in black square brackets:]
:<big>[Citation needed]</big>

==Trivia==
* Randall's ''[[what if? (blog)|what if?]]'' blog and [[explain xkcd|this wiki]] use the {{Template|Citation needed}} template as a joke, after statements that are blatantly obvious. For example, "The light from the Sun illuminates the Earth.{{Citation needed}}". On this wiki, clicking the template leads to this comic's explanation instead of the {{w|Wikipedia:Citation needed}} page. Because of this, this wiki instead uses the {{tl|Actual citation needed}} template for statements that are unsourced and require actual reliable citations. [[explain_xkcd:Editor_FAQ#citation|Learn more at the Editor FAQ]].

* Randall {{w|User talk:Xkcd#http://xkcd.com/c285.html|re-licensed this comic}} under [https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/ the CC-BY 2.5 license] so that it could be {{w|File:Webcomic xkcd - Wikipedian protester.png|used on Wikipedia}}. By default, xkcd comics are licensed under [https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.5/ CC-BY-NC 2.5], which is [https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Commons:Licensing#Acceptable_licenses considered too restrictive for Wikimedia content]. On Wikipedia, this comic was featured as the {{w|Template:POTD/2018-11-23|picture of the day}} on November 23, 2018 and is used in the "{{w|Citation needed}}" article, the "{{w|Wikipedia:Citation needed}}" information page, and the "{{w|Wikipedia:Why Wikipedia cannot claim the Earth is not flat}}" essay.
{{Quote| I feel like I've already fielded requests on this particular image elsewhere in the three years since this debate, so the issue has probably been resolved. In case I haven't: yes—I am willing to release comic #285 under CC-BY-SA, so Wikipedia can use it. Sorry for any trouble!|[[Randall Munroe]]|{{w|User talk:Xkcd#http://xkcd.com/c285.html|User talk:Xkcd}}}}

* xkcd fans have made [https://blog.xkcd.com/2007/10/01/the-meetup/comment-page-2/#:~:text=There%20were%20several%20gallant%20protesters%20insisting%20that%20all%20assertions%20be%20fully%20backed%2Dup. "Citation needed" signs in real life] as a joke.

* The template in this comic used to be [https://web.archive.org/web/20211215010112/https://store.xkcd.com/products/citation-needed-sticker-pack available as a sticker pack] in the xkcd store before it was [[Store|shut down]].

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:CC-BY-SA comics]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics with color]]
[[Category:Comics with xkcd store products]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Politics]]
[[Category:Public speaking]]
[[Category:Wikipedia]]