explain xkcd - User contributions [en]

595: Android Girlfriend

2025-11-14T15:14:00Z

Tsuchinoko: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 595
| date = June 10, 2009
| title = Android Girlfriend
| image = android_girlfriend.png
| titletext = Programming the sexbots to enjoy sex seemed a sensible move at the time, but we didn't realize the consequences of their developing fetishes.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic would be continued directly less than two weeks later in [[600: Android Boyfriend]]. [[Cueball]] shows off his new "android girlfriend" ([[Megan]]) to his Cueball-like friend, who asks if the android is a {{w|Gynoid#As_sexual_devices|sex bot}}. The {{w|android}} responds by pulling a cherry stem from the friend's drink and inserting it into her mouth. So far, the action appears to be an emulation of the party trick where someone puts a cherry stem into their mouth and ties it into a knot in order to suggest tongue dexterity that could be put to good use in kissing and {{w|oral sex}}.

However, instead of tying the cherry stem in a knot, the android activates an {{w|arc welder}} built into her mouth, which presumably reduces the stem to ashes. The friend proclaims that that trick is definitely not sexy. But then the android aggressively approaches him, reaching out and saying, "Remove your pants". The friend, not eager to experience close {{w|genital}} contact with the arc welder, sensibly, refuses. (Of course he may also not wish to take off his pants in front of his friend, at a {{w|party}} with drinks and presumably other people; or perhaps he does not wish to admit that he actually ''does'' find the arc welding act sexy...). It is also possible that the android shows a level of awareness superior to what is implied by the discussion in the strip. Then using an arc-wielder on that stem could be interpreted as a menace in response to a comment that would be insensitive if referred to a real person.

The title text bounces a few implications around. Developing robots with the capacity to either learn or feel emotions is an ethical factor and practical consideration that is commonly explored in {{w|science fiction}}. Here, it's proposed that robots programmed for {{w|sex}} would have their emotions set to enjoy sex by default, but then use their capacity to learn to develop preferences on what kind of sex they want to have. This is potentially a psychological issue, mainly as to whether or not it would be considered "unhealthy", but more directly it's a customer satisfaction problem: what if a sexbot were to develop {{w|Sexual_fetishism|sexual fetishes}} that its owner finds unappealing, or one dangerous to human life?

==Transcript==
:[Cueball, holding his hand on Megan's shoulder, talks to his Cueball-like friend, who is holding a drink glass with a cherry.]
:Cueball: Check out my new android girlfriend.
:Friend: Is she a sex bot?

:[The android grabs the cherry out of the friend's drink glass.]
:Grab

:[Zoom in on the cherry as the stem is ripped off.]
:Plink

:[Zoom to the android, who puts the stem into its mouth.]
:Nom

:[The panel is dark gray, except around the android's mouth, where there is a bright flash and then a brighter cross going out from there. Both Cueball and his friend hold up their hands to protect their eyes.]
:Kzzzzt

:[The android takes a step away from Cueball and reaches toward the friend's crotch. The friend holds up his hand protectively in front of him.]
:Friend: I don't think arc-welding a cherry stem counts as sexy.
:Android: Remove your pants.
:Friend: No.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Sex]]
[[Category:Robots]]
[[Category:Android Partner]]

what if? articles

2025-11-04T04:13:45Z

Tsuchinoko:

<noinclude>{{DISPLAYTITLE:''What If?'' chapters}}:''For other instances of this title, see [[What If (disambiguation)]].''<noinclude>
{{incomplete|Most of the [[#1-13|books-exclusive questions]] are still too short! They should be a summary of the answer, not just 1-2 sentences. [[#1-13|''(jump to the book-exclusive chapters)'']] ''(For help with the templates, see the '''''[[What If? chapters#Editors|Editors section]]'''''!''}}

</noinclude>This is an index of all articles featured in Randall Munroe's ''what if?'' [[what if? (blog)|blog]] and [[:Category:Books|book series]]. For each article, the original question and a summary of Randall's answer are provided. If an article is available on the blog, you can click the title to read it in full. You can use the columns to sort the table alphabetically, by release date on the blog or YouTube, or by chapter in the books. The thumbnail is only available for articles published on the blog. If the title of a blog article differs from the one in the book, the latter will be provided in the Book column. A much simpler list that doesn't include book-exclusive articles can be found in the [https://what-if.xkcd.com/archive archive section] of the blog. Similar articles by Randall have also been [[New York Times: Good Question|published in the New York Times]].<noinclude>
[[Category:Incomplete explanations| ]]</noinclude>
<div style="clear: both"></div>
{| class="sortable wikitable"
! rowspan="2" scope="col" class="unsortable" | Thumbnail
! rowspan="2" scope="col" data-sort-type=text| Title
! rowspan="2" scope="col" data-sort-type=text| Reader's question
! rowspan="2" scope="col" class="unsortable" | Randall's answer
! colspan="3"| Article available in... <noinclude></noinclude> ''(click to sort)'' <noinclude></noinclude>
|-
! scope="col" data-sort-type=number | Blog
! scope="col" data-sort-type=number | Books
! scope="col" data-sort-type=number | YouTube
|-
|[[File:Relativistic Baseball.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|1|Relativistic Baseball}}'''
|''"What would happen if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90% the speed of light?"''
<div align="right">—Ellen McManis</div>
|The ball would create plasma and reach home plate in about 70 nanoseconds. The result would be some kind of nuclear explosion, destroying everything about a mile from the field. A ruling of "{{w|hit by pitch}}" could be interpreted in this situation.
|{{blog|1|2012|07|10}}
|{{book|1|2}}
|{{book|5|2024|02|06|3EI08o-IGYk|What if you threw a baseball at nearly light speed?}}
|-
|[[File:SAT Guessing.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|2|SAT Guessing}}'''
|''"What if everyone who took the SAT guessed on every multiple-choice question? How many perfect scores would there be?"''
<div align="right">—Rob Balder</div>
|No one would get a perfect score. The odds of guessing correctly on every question would be less than the odds of every living ex-president at that time and the main cast of [[:Category:Firefly|Firefly]] getting struck by lightning on the same day. To put this as a number, the odds of this happening would be less than 1/10^100 (one googol).
|{{blog|2|2012|07|10|7d early}}
|{{book|1|66}}
|
|-
|[[File:Yoda.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|3|Yoda}}'''
|''"How much Force power can Yoda output?"''
<div align="right">—Ryan Finnie</div>
|Yoda can output about 19.2 kilowatts, or 25 horsepower. "Yoda power" would cost about $2/hour.
|{{blog|3|2012|07|17}}
|{{book|1|32}}
|
|-
|[[File:A Moles of Moles.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|4|A Mole of Moles}}'''
|''"What would happen if you were to gather a mole (unit of measurement) of moles (the small furry critter) in one place?"''
<div align="right">—Sean Rice</div>
|In physics, a {{w|mole (unit)|mole}} is a number that equals approximately 6.022 × 10<sup>23</sup>. If this amount of moles (the furry animals) were put in space, they would form a sphere a little bit larger than our Moon with about the same gravity as Pluto. The surface would freeze and trap the interior warmth, causing geysers of hot meat and methane.
|{{blog|4|2012|07|24}}
|{{book|1|10}}
|{{book|29|2025|8|19|lLlwvmu1ZeA|What if you had a mole of moles?}}
|-
|[[File:Robot Apocalypse.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|5|Robot Apocalypse}}'''
|''"What if there was a robot apocalypse? How long would humanity last?"''
<div align="right">—Rob Lombino</div>
|Humanity would most likely survive. Most robots can easily be subdued because technology hasn’t been developed enough to allow them to walk, evade being destroyed, and kill us efficiently. They could decide to use our nuclear weapons, but that would hurt them more than us.
|{{blog|5|2012|07|31}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Glass Half Empty.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|6|Glass Half Empty}}'''
|''"What if a glass of water was, all of a sudden, literally half empty?"''
<div align="right">—Vittorio Iacovella</div>
|If the vacuum were on the bottom half, it would explode, but if it were on the top half, the air rushes in and it becomes normal water.
|{{blog|6|2012|08|07}}
|{{book|1|26}}
|{{book|16|2024|09|24|0EytSWiKrFg|What if a glass of water were LITERALLY half empty?}}
|-
|[[File:Everybody Out.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|7|Everybody Out}}'''
|''"Is there enough energy to move the entire current human population off-planet?"''
<div align="right">—Adam</div>
|No, at least not without starving to death quickly and leaving our pets, belongings, and everything else behind. The best way to do it is either with a space tether or to ride the shockwave of a nuclear bomb, but the former lacks a good material and the latter is literally ''riding the shockwave of a nuclear bomb''. In any case, highly impractical.
|{{blog|7|2012|08|14}}
|{{book|1|35}}
|
|-
|[[File:Everybody Jump.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|8|Everybody Jump}}'''
|''"What would happen if everyone on earth stood as close to each other as they could and jumped, everyone landing on the ground at the same instant?"''
<div align="right">—Thomas Bennett (and many others)</div>
|Earth would be unaffected, but almost all humans would probably be wiped out, due to the congestion of everybody being in one place at once. Utilities and everything requiring human oversight would eventually fail because no one was maintaining them. If airports became functional, only the largest would be able to efficiently get everybody home. Only the people at the edges of the giant crowd would be able to escape, with the rest almost certainly dying due to suffocation. The Earth would then be a lawless wasteland, with a severely diminished population trying to restore humanity to its former glory.
|{{blog|8|2012|08|21}}
|{{book|1|9}}
|{{book|9|2024|04|16|p2M8Y0z9Rl0|What if everyone jumped at once?}}
|-
|[[File:Soul Mates.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|9|Soul Mates}}'''
|''"What if everyone actually had only one soul mate, a random person somewhere in the world?"''
<div align="right">—Benjamin Staffin</div>
|Assuming the soul mate can exist at any time, there is a high chance that you would not find your soul mate. Around 100 billion humans have ever existed, but only 8 billion of those people are alive today. This means that there is an over 90% chance that your soul mate is long dead. This is made worse by the fact that people will also be born in the future, and your soul mate could live very far in the future.

Even if it is assumed that someone's soul mate must be alive while they are alive, there's still a very low chance of finding your soul mate due to the sheer amount of people in the world. Even if you find them, they may speak another language and be unable to understand you.

Jobs would also be affected, with very social jobs such as waiters, cashiers, or traffic guards being highly sought-after.
|{{blog|9|2012|08|28}}
|{{book|1|6}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cassini.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|10|Cassini}}'''
|''"What would the world be like if the land masses were spread out the same way as now - only rotated by an angle of 90 degrees?"''
<div align="right">—Socke</div>
|Hard to tell with any sort of certainty, but North America remains the same (just flipped, so Canada is tropical), South America becomes more like Europe before this question, Asia is flipped just like North America was, Europe becomes more like southeast Asia, Africa's climate is essentially rotated 90 degrees and East Africa gets a lot more tornadoes, Australia is colder and wetter, and Antarctica becomes a tropical rainforest. Of course, the biosphere collapses due to the shuffling and the ice caps (prematurely) melt, while also making certain wildlife appear elsewhere than normal.
|{{blog|10|2012|09|04}}
|
|{{book|23|2025|04|01|WH4g1ptJ-70|What if the Earth rotated 90 degrees?}}
|-
|[[File:Droppings.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|11|Droppings}}'''
|''"If you went outside and lay down on your back with your mouth open, how long would you have to wait until a bird pooped in it?"''
<div align="right">—Adrienne Olson</div>
|Assuming an even distribution of all birds across the Earth's surface and a frequency of 1 poop per hour, it would take you about 195 years on average. However, those assumptions are unrealistic: It would probably be closer to a few hours if you were laying under an area where large amounts of birds are common, such as a power line or tree.
|{{blog|11|2012|09|11}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Raindrop.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|12|Raindrop}}'''
|''"What if a rainstorm dropped all of its water in a single giant drop?"''
<div align="right">—Michael McNeill</div>
|The surrounding area would be obliterated via the violent rush of crushing water, causing flash flooding in the surrounding area. There would be mass confusion for many following years.
|{{blog|12|2012|09|18}}
|{{book|1|65}}
|
|-
|[[File:Laser Pointer.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|13|Laser Pointer}}'''
|''"If every person on Earth aimed a laser pointer at the Moon at the same time, would it change color?"''
<div align="right">—Peter Lipowicz</div>
|It would take lots of power, but yes, assuming you want to drain the Earth's oil and cover Asia in megawatt lasers. Going even further in power level fries the Earth and launches the Moon into the solar system.
|{{blog|13|2012|09|25}}
|{{book|1|7}}
|{{book|18|2024|11|05|JqFSGkFPipM|What if everyone pointed a laser at the moon?}}
|-
| rowspan="7" |[[File:Short Answer Section.png|100px]]
| rowspan="7" |'''{{What If|14|Short Answer Section}}'''
|''"How long would the Sun last if a giant water hose were focused upon it?"''
<div align="right">—Austin Dickey</div>
|The Sun would actually burn brighter due to water being mostly hydrogen (main fusion fuel of stars) and eventually become a black hole with all the mass of the water.
| rowspan="7"{{blog|14|2012|10|02}}
| rowspan="7" |
| rowspan="7" |
|-
|''"What if you shined a flashlight (or a laser) into a sphere made of one-way mirror glass?"''
<div align="right">—Chase Montgomery</div>
|One-way glass does not exist. The light shines through just like normal glass.
|-
|''"If Michael Phelps could hold his breath indefinitely, how long would it take for him to reach the lowest point in the ocean and back if he swam straight down and then straight back up?"''
<div align="right">—Jimmy Morey</div>
|Michael Phelps would die somewhere between 100 and 400 meters of depth. If he were immune to pressure, then it would take 3 hours to swim to the bottom of the Marianas Trench and back.
|-
|''"In the first Superman movie, Superman flies around Earth so fast that it begins turning in the opposite direction. This somehow turns back time [... ] How much energy would someone flying around the Earth have to exert in order to reverse the Earth's rotation?"''
<div align="right">—Aidan Blake</div>
|Superman wasn't pushing the Earth. He was flying {{w|Superluminal motion|superluminally}} and was thus travelling back through time.
|-
|''"How fast would you have to go in your car to run a red light claiming that it appeared green to you due to the Doppler Effect?"''
<div align="right">—Yitzi Turniansky</div>
|The {{w|Doppler Effect}} is when waves (such as light or sound) change based on movement or position. You would need to go about one sixth of the {{w|speed of light}}.
|-
|''"What would happen if you opened a portal between Boston (sea level) and Mexico City (elev. 8000+ feet)?"''
<div align="right">—Jake G.</div>
|There would be winds of 440 mph (708 km/h) sucking Boston into Mexico City.
|-
|''"When my wife and I started dating she invited me over for dinner at one time. Her kitchen had something called Bauhaus chairs, which are full of holes, approx 5-6 millimeters in diameter in both back and seat. During this lovely dinner I was forced to liberate a small portion of wind and was relieved that I managed to do so very discretely. Only to find that the chair I sat on converted the successful silence into a perfect, and loud, flute note. We were both (luckily) amazed and surprised and I have often wondered what the odds are for something like that happening. We kept the chairs for five years but despite laborious attempts it couldn't be reproduced."''
<div align="right">—R. D.</div>
|This... isn’t actually a question, but thank you for sharing!
|-
|[[File:Mariana Trench Explosion.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|15|Mariana Trench Explosion}}'''
|''"What if you exploded a nuclear bomb (say, the Tsar Bomba) at the bottom of the Marianas Trench?"''
<div align="right">—Evin Sellin</div>
|Surprisingly, not much! Large waves already disappear quickly when created by surface explosions, and moving the detonation underwater only lessens the effect. If you exploded a Tsar Bomba at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, the resulting eruption would create massive bubbles before turning into warm water and debris.
|{{blog|15|2012|10|09}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="6" |[[File:Today's topic- Lightning.png|100px]]
| rowspan="6" |'''{{What If|16|Today's topic: Lightning}}'''
|''"How dangerous is it to be in a pool during a thunderstorm?"''
<div align="right">—Jay Gengelbach</div>
|Pretty dangerous, as if the pool was hit, 20,000 amps of electricity from the lightning bolt would spread across the surface and shock you. Randall recommends that one should stay at least 12 meters away from a pool during a thunderstorm.
| rowspan="6"{{blog|16|2012|10|16}}
| rowspan="6"{{book|1|19|Lightning}}
| rowspan="6" |
|-
|''"What would happen if you were taking a shower or standing under a waterfall when you were struck by lightning?"''
<div align="right">—Same3Chords</div>
|The droplets of water wouldn’t be dangerous, but a tub of water or any puddle you stand in ''will'' be dangerous.
|-
|''"What would happen if you were in a boat, plane or a submarine that got hit by lightning?"''
<div align="right">—Soobnauce</div>
|A boat would be as safe as a car if it had a cabin and lightning protection, while a submarine would be completely safe. The plane was not mentioned.
|-
|''"What if you were changing the light at the top of a radio tower and lightning struck? Or what if you were doing a backflip? Or standing in a graphite field? Or looking straight up at the bolt?"''
<div align="right">—Danny Wedul</div>
|You would get shocked normally if you were on a radio tower, doing a backflip, or looking straight up (which would also damage your eyes). These all don’t matter much. Randall doesn’t know what a graphite field is and chose not to answer that part of the question.
|-
|''"What would happen if lightning struck a bullet in midair?"''
<div align="right">—Timothy Campbell</div>
|The bullet might be heated a little bit, but it’s travelling too fast to have any impact.
|-
|''"What if you were flashing your BIOS during a thunderstorm and you got hit by lightning?"''
<div align="right">—NJSG</div>
|It would bring you to “Microsoft BOB®”, “Gateway 2000 Edition”.
|-
|[[File:Green Cows.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|17|Green Cows}}'''
|''"If cows could photosynthesize, how much less food would they need?"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|They would need 4% less food. There simply isn't enough area on the cow for photosynthesis to provide all its energy requirements.
|{{blog|17|2012|10|23}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:BB Gun.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|18|BB Gun}}'''
|''"In Armageddon, a NASA guy comments that a plan to shoot a laser at the asteroid is like “shooting a b.b. gun at a freight train.” What would it take to stop an out-of-control freight train using only b.b. guns?"''
<div align="right">—Charles James O'Keefe</div>
|This would normally be impossible. However, with enough people shooting the train, it can happen. This would require about 100,000 people shooting, distributed over 2 kilometers of track, each firing a few dozen rounds once the train comes close enough. This would, eventually, be enough to bring the train to a stop.
|{{blog|18|2012|10|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Tie Vote.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|19|Tie Vote}}'''
|''"What if there's LITERALLY a tie?"''
<div align="right">—Nate Silver (<span class="plainlinks">[https://twitter.com/fivethirtyeight/status/154434288287363072 '''Twitter, January 4th, 2012''']</span>)</div>
|In the case of each candidate getting the exact same amount of votes on Election Day, most states would randomly pick one, whether it be through tossing a coin, drawing a name or straws. The chances of this happening in 9 battleground states would be about equal to the elector drawing a name from a hat, then being smashed by a bale of cocaine by drug smugglers and obliterated by a meteorite impact while being swept away in a tornado.
|{{blog|19|2012|11|06}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Diamond.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|20|Diamond}}'''
|''"If a meteor made out of diamond and 100 feet in diameter was traveling at the speed of light and hit the earth, what would happen to it?"''
<div align="right">—Aidan Smith, Age 8, via his father Jeff</div>
|Nothing made of matter can travel at the speed of light, but at the closest speed observed (99.99999999999999999999951% of the speed of light, the speed of the {{w|Oh-My-God particle}}), the Earth would explode with enough force to obliterate the entire Solar System.
|{{blog|20|2012|11|13}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Machine Gun Jetpack.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|21|Machine Gun Jetpack}}'''
|''"Is it possible to build a jetpack using downward firing machine guns?"''
<div align="right">—Rob B</div>
|You'd need a Russian 30 mm rotary cannon to do it optimally, and the excessive force would definitely hurt you. If you braced the rider, created an aerodynamic craft strong enough to survive the acceleration, and cooled the craft, you'd be able to jump mountains.
|{{blog|21|2012|11|20}}
|{{book|1|14|Machine-Gun Jetpack}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cost of Pennies.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|22|Cost of Pennies}}'''
|''"If you carry a penny in your coin tray, how long would it take for that penny to cost you more than a cent in extra gas?"''
<div align="right">—Leto Atreides</div>
|140,000 miles if gas was the only cost involved. The exercise of picking up the penny can prolong your lifespan, but you've wasted valuable seconds reading this article.
|{{blog|22|2012|11|27}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="7" |[[File:Short Answer Section II.png|100px]]
| rowspan="7" |'''{{What If|23|Short Answer Section II}}'''
|''"If my printer could literally print out money, would it have that big an effect on the world?"''
<div align="right">—Derek O’Brien</div>
| Using the printer, you could make about 200 million dollars per year, depending on the type of printer. This would actually be the perfect sweet spot for you, as it would be enough to make you very, very rich, but not enough to have any effect on the world. The United States [https://www.bep.gov/currency/production-figures/annual-production-reports prints approximately $160 billion per year], so $200 million a year would be nothing more than a drop in the bucket.
| rowspan="7"{{blog|23|2012|12|04}}
| rowspan="7"{{book|1|18|Short-Answer Section}}
| rowspan="7" |
|-
|''"What would happen if you exploded a nuclear bomb in the eye of a hurricane? Would the storm cell be immediately vaporized?"''
<div align="right">—Rupert Bainbridge (and hundreds of others)</div>
|No. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has [https://www.aoml.noaa.gov/hrd-faq/#hurricane-mitigation:~:text=Stop%20a%20Hurricane%3F-,Nuclear%20Weapons,-Adding%20Hygroscopic%20Particles published a response] explaining why it wouldn't work.
|-
|''"If everyone put little turbine generators on the downspouts of their houses and businesses, how much power would we generate? Would we ever generate enough power to offset the cost of the generators?"''
<div align="right">—Damien</div>
|If it's very rainy, it would generate 800 watts of power, which isn't enough to offset the cost of the generators.
|-
|''"Using only pronounceable letter combinations, how long would names have to be to give each star in the universe a unique one word name?"''
<div align="right">—Seamus Johnson</div>
|About 24 characters.
|-
|''"I bike to class sometimes. It's annoying biking in the wintertime, because it's so cold. How fast would I have to bike for my skin to warm up the way a spacecraft heats up during reentry?"''
<div align="right">—David Nai</div>
|You'd have to bike at about 200 m/s, which would make your commute very fast indeed. However, the amount of energy required to bike at that speed would cause you to die from overexertion. This might work if you didn't exert any energy, however.
|-
|''"How much physical space does the internet take up?"''
<div align="right">—Max L</div>
|Using humanity's total produced storage space from the last few years as an upper bound, and assuming 3.5" drives, the Internet is less than the size of an oil tank.
|-
|''"What if you strapped C4 to a boomerang? Could this be an effective weapon, or would it be as stupid as it sounds?"''
<div align="right">—Chad Macziewski</div>
|Strapping C4 to a boomerang does not sound like an effective weapon. The weapon as depicted in the image would have terrible aerodynamics, and would not fly an easily predictable trajectory. C4 is, by itself, an inert substance which would need some form of detonator to actually explode, in which case it would depend upon how you set it up (e.g. timer or inertial trigger) and at what point in its flight this would activate. ''If'' this happened as it returns (or flies past, if thrown reasonably correctly but being unable or unwilling to catch it), it might kill or injure the thrower and/or those nearby. There were many unstated details as to how the proposal would be implemented, as Randall lampshades in his open answer.
|-
|[[File:Model Rockets.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|24|Model Rockets}}'''
|''"How many model rocket engines would it take to launch a real rocket into space?"''
<div align="right">—Greg Schock, PA</div>
|It would take about 65,000, but they’d have to be layered in a cone shape with about 30 stages so the vehicle has thrust for long enough. It could carry 60 kg, much of that spent on all the parts of the rocket that aren't the engine. And this contraption would not attain orbital velocity, but rapidly fall back to Earth after briefly leaving the atmosphere. Accelerating to orbital velocity is a whole other class of problem and cannot be achieved using model rocket engines in any practical way.
|{{blog|24|2012|12|11}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Three Wise Men.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|25|Three Wise Men}}'''
|''"The story of the three wise men got me wondering: What if you did walk towards a star at a fixed speed? What path would you trace on the Earth? Does it converge to a fixed cycle?"''
<div align="right">—N. Murdoch</div>
|No, but the paths they would take would make some really cool patterns due to various factors, such as the Earth's rotation and its position changing in its orbit around the Sun.
|{{blog|25|2012|12|18}}
|
|{{book|22|2025|03|04|YL2VNtus4xk|What if the wise men kept walking after Jesus’s birth?}}
|-
|[[File:Leap Seconds.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|26|Leap Seconds}}'''
|''"Every now and then we have to insert a leap second because the Earth’s rotation is slowing down. Could we speed up Earth’s rotation, so that we do not need Leap Seconds?"''
<div align="right">—Anton (Berlin, Germany)</div>
|The only real way to do this is by hitting Earth with asteroids; all other ideas would be too difficult or wouldn’t work. With 50,000 planets B-612 hitting the Earth each second and a few assumptions, we could stop worrying about leap seconds (mostly because it would deliver the energy of about one dinosaur-killer asteroid every couple days, wiping out life on Earth quite quickly)
|{{blog|26|2012|12|31|6d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Death Rates.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|27|Death Rates}}'''
|''"If one randomly chosen extra person were to die each second somewhere on Earth, what impact would it have on the world population?"''
<div align="right">—Guy Petzall</div>
|The world population would continue to grow, though 40% more slowly. Pilots, drivers, and surgeons would die en route and mid-operation, but these would be comparable to usual accident rates and handled fairly easily.
|{{blog|27|2013|01|08|1d late}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Steak Drop.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|28|Steak Drop}}'''
|''"From what height would you need to drop a steak for it to be cooked when it hit the ground?"''
<div align="right">—Alex Lahey</div>
|From the very edge of the atmosphere, but even in that case it might not be fully cooked, as the steak will have to pass through parts of the atmosphere that are freezing cold and the parts of the fall where heat is being applied are more likely to char and disintegrate the steak than cook it.
|{{blog|28|2013|01|15}}
|{{book|1|23}}
|
|-
|[[File:Spent Fuel Pool.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|29|Spent Fuel Pool}}'''
|''"What if I took a swim in a typical spent nuclear fuel pool? Would I need to dive to actually experience a fatal amount of radiation? How long could I stay safely at the surface?"''
<div align="right">—Jonathan Bastien-Filiatrault</div>
|As long as you don't touch strange things and you don't swim too close to the fuel rods, it would be just like a regular pool. Except for the fact you would never make it to the pool, as the guards would notice and shoot you to death.
|{{blog|29|2013|01|22}}
|{{book|1|3}}
|{{book|8|2024|04|02|EFRUL7vKdU8|What if you swam in a nuclear storage pool?}}
|-
|[[File:Interplanetary Cessna.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|30|Interplanetary Cessna}}'''
|''"What would happen if you tried to fly a normal Earth airplane above different Solar System bodies?"''
<div align="right">—Glen Chiacchieri</div>
|It would be difficult to fly on Mars, so you would crash. The gas giants also have this problem, and you would freeze and tumble. Titan and Venus are the best bets, but Titan is cold and Venus is full of sulfuric acid.
|{{blog|30|2013|01|29}}
|{{book|1|30}}
|
|-
|[[File:FedEx Bandwidth.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|31|FedEx Bandwidth}}'''
|''"When - if ever - will the bandwidth of the Internet surpass that of FedEx?"''
<div align="right">—Johan Öbrink</div>
|Probably never, unless the Internet's transfer rate grows faster than storage rates, the Internet won't surpass an army of FedEx trucks. However, the ping times would be ''absurd''.
|{{blog|31|2013|02|05}}
|{{book|1|44}}
|
|-
| rowspan="3" |[[File:Hubble.png|100px]]
| rowspan="3" |'''{{What If|32|Hubble}}'''
| rowspan="3" |''"If the Hubble telescope were aimed at the Earth, how detailed would the images be?"''
<div align="right">—Kyle Rankin</div>
| rowspan="3" |Very blurry because Hubble isn't able to rotate fast enough to track it on the surface of the Earth. Hubble is the wrong tool for the job, you're thinking of a spy satellite.
| rowspan="3" {{blog|32|2013|02|12}}
| rowspan="3" |
|{{book|1|2023|11|29|2LSyizrk8-0|What if we aimed the Hubble Telescope at Earth?}}
|-
|{{book|10|short-video=yes|2025|09|16|TgA0lXEW7dw|Could the Hubble take a photo of you?}}
|-
|{{book|11|short-video=yes|2025|09|23|i6e4NnFnQi0|How detailed would the Hubbles images be if it looked at Earth?}}
|-
|[[File:Ships.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|33|Ships}}'''
|''"How much would the sea level fall if every ship were removed all at once from the Earth's waters?"''
<div align="right">—Michael Toje</div>
|The sea level would fall by about 6 microns, slightly more than the diameter of a strand of spider silk. However, since the oceans are currently rising at about 3.3 millimeters per year due to global warming, the water would be back up to its original average level in 16 hours.
|{{blog|33|2013|02|19}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:what if? Twitter.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|34|Twitter}}'''
|''"How many unique English tweets are possible? How long would it take for the population of the world to read them all out loud?"''
<div align="right">—Eric H., Hopatcong, NJ</div>
|Since there are 2 * 10<sup>46</sup> meaningful English tweets, reading them all would take 10,000 "eternal years", with an eternal day being the length of time needed to wear down a mountain if a bird scraped 1 grain every thousand years.
|{{blog|34|2013|02|26}}
|{{book|1|50}}
|
|-
|[[File:Hair Dryer.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|35|Hair Dryer}}'''
|''"What would happen if a hair dryer with continuous power was turned on and put in an airtight 1x1x1 meter box?"''
<div align="right">—Nathan Terrell</div>
|The box would heat until the ground starts melting, and going further, it would eventually create updrafts and bounce around everywhere. Turning it off and on again would launch it out of the sky in glowing fury.
|{{blog|35|2013|03|05}}
|{{book|1|11}}
|
|-
|[[File:Cornstarch.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|36|Cornstarch}}'''
|''"How much cornstarch can I rinse down the drain before unpleasant things start to happen?"''
<div align="right">—Anna R., Fort Wayne, IN</div>
|It depends what you consider unpleasant. Your sink will clog and your house will flood with oobleck, but if you really really like cornstarch then nothing unpleasant will happen.
|{{blog|36|2013|03|12}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Supersonic Stereo.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|37|Supersonic Stereo}}'''
|''"What if you somehow managed to make a stereo travel at twice the speed of sound, would it sound backwards to someone who was just casually sitting somewhere as it flies by?"''
<div align="right">—Tim Currie</div>
|Assuming the stereo is indestructible, yes. Although you’d only get it supersonic for less than a second, and the music would be heavily compressed after the sonic boom.
|{{blog|37|2013|03|19}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:what if? Voyager.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|38|Voyager}}'''
|''"With today's technology, would it be possible to launch an unmanned mission to retrieve Voyager I?"''
<div align="right">—Elliot Bennett</div>
|You could ''reach'' Voyager I with some well-timed gravity assists from Jupiter and Saturn, but getting back would require an ''absurd'' amount of fuel. You could use ion fields to require less fuel, but they also produce less thrust.
|{{blog|38|2013|03|26}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Hockey Puck.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|39|Hockey Puck}}'''
|''"How hard would a puck have to be shot to be able to knock the goalie himself backwards into the net?"''
<div align="right">—Tom</div>
|This can't really happen, due to the size and weight difference between the goalie and a hockey puck. You'd need to fire an object at Mach 8 to knock the goalie back, but firing a puck at that speed would char the puck while air resistance would slow it down. If you actually did fire a hockey puck at a goalie at high speeds, it would have the same effect as hitting a cake with a tomato as hard as you can.
|{{blog|39|2013|04|02}}
|{{book|1|24}}
|
|-
|[[File:Pressure Cooker.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|40|Pressure Cooker}}'''
|''"Am I right to be afraid of pressure cookers? What's the worst thing that can happen if you misuse a pressure cooker in an ordinary kitchen?"''
<div align="right">—Delphine Lourtau</div>
|Ordinarily, the worst that can happen is the lid blowing off and superheated liquid spraying everywhere, but you can use one to make {{w|Dioxygen difluoride}}, which is much worse.
|{{blog|40|2013|04|9}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Go West.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|41|Go West}}'''
|''"If everybody in the US drove west, could we temporarily halt continental drift?"''
<div align="right">—Derek</div>
|No. While technically the car fleet would outpace the continental drift, the continental drift is being powered by the forces in the Earth's mantle, and these forces outmatch the car fleet by millions of times.
|{{blog|41|2013|04|16}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Longest Sunset.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|42|Longest Sunset}}'''
|''"What is the longest possible sunset you can experience while driving, assuming we are obeying the speed limit and driving on paved roads?"''
<div align="right">—Michael Berg</div>
|The longest way you can experience a sunset is by driving on certain roads in Norway and Finland for 95 minutes, as this is where the best method to outpace the Sun works (outpacing {{w|Terminator (solar)|the terminator}}). A similar concept has been explored in comic [[162: Angular Momentum]].
|{{blog|42|201304|23}}
|{{book|1|52}}
|{{book|32|2025|10|21|U8F7UNK9jco|Can you drive west to lengthen the sunset?}}
|-
|[[File:Train Loop.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|43|Train Loop}}'''
|''"Could a high-speed train run through a vertical loop, like a rollercoaster, with the passengers staying comfortable?"''
<div align="right">—Gero Walter</div>
|Even if we change the requirements to just the passengers surviving, this isn't plausible. A train can't complete a full loop without the loop being too small, making the train move too fast and making every passenger die from the g-forces involved.
|{{blog|43|2013|04|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:High Throw.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|44|High Throw}}'''
|''"How high can a human throw something?"''
<div align="right">—Irish Dave on the Isle of Man</div>
|Using estimations and aerodynamics calculations, Aroldis Champman (holder of the record for fastest pitch) could probably throw up to 16 giraffes high if he was using a golf ball. Unless you count letting go of balloons, of course.
|{{blog|44|2013|05|07}}
|{{book|1|38}}
|
|-
|[[File:ISS Music Video.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|45|ISS Music Video}}'''
|''"Is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaOC9danxNo '''this'''] the most expensive music video ever?"''
<div align="right">—Various Youtube commenters</div>
|No. If the construction cost of the setpiece is how this is measured, then it would be U2's "Last Night on Earth" on a section of Interstate Highway. If not, then it doesn't even come close to Thriller.
|{{blog|45|2013|05|14}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Bowling Ball.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|46|Bowling Ball}}'''
|''"I've been told that if the Earth were shrunk down to the size of a bowling ball, it would be smoother than said bowling ball. My question is, what would a bowling ball look like if it were blown up to the size of the Earth?"''
<div align="right">—Seth C.</div>
|A bowling ball the size of the Earth would be much less dense, and have much less gravity. Due to this, the finger holes would collapse. causing eruptions of hydrocarbons and scars similar to those on the Moon.
|{{blog|46|2013|05|21}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Alien Astronomers.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|47|Alien Astronomers}}'''
|''"Let's assume there's life on the the nearest habitable exoplanet and that they have technology comparable to ours. If they looked at our star right now, what would they see?"''
<div align="right">—Chuck H.</div>
|They wouldn't be able to see us very well. Radio waves fade quickly in space and we've stopped sending out as many of them. If they happened to pick up, they would only get a message similar to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wow!_signal Wow! Signal]. The best message they could see is visible light, as the water and weather on Earth's surface would be a telltale marker of some form of life.
|{{blog|47|2013|05|28}}
|{{book|1|28}}
|
|-
|[[File:Sunset on the British Empire.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|48|Sunset on the British Empire}}'''
|''"When (if ever) did the Sun finally set on the British Empire?"''
<div align="right">—Kurt Amundson</div>
|If the British Empire kept the borders it had when the question was written, it would continue to experience eternal sunshine for many thousands of years until a total eclipse hits the Pitcairn Islands at the right time. However, after the publication of this article, it has been announced that [https://www.mondayeconomist.com/p/british-empire#:~:text=On%20March%2021st%2C%202025%2C%20a,part%20of%20the%20British%20Empire the British Indian Ocean Territory will become part of Mauritus] in March 2025, allowing the Sun to finally set on the British Empire.
|{{blog|48|2013|06|04}}
|{{book|1|60}}
|
|-
|[[File:Sunless Earth.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|49|Sunless Earth}}'''
|''"What would happen to the Earth if the Sun suddenly switched off?"''
<div align="right">—Many, many readers</div>
|We would see a variety of benefits across our lives such as the elimination of time zones, more reliable satellites, easier astronomy, and safer wild parsnip, but the downside is we would all freeze and die.
|{{blog|49|2013|06|11}}
|{{book|1|57}}
|{{book|24|2025|04|15|X7sbn9LMZOg| What if the sun suddenly went out?}}
|-
|[[File:Extreme Boating.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|50|Extreme Boating}}'''
|''"What would it be like to navigate a rowboat through a lake of mercury? What about bromine? Liquid gallium? Liquid tungsten? Liquid nitrogen? Liquid helium?"''
<div align="right">—Nicholas Aron</div>
|It would be difficult to row the boat on mercury because it's very dense. Bromine smells terrible and is highly toxic. Gallium would dissolve an aluminium boat. Liquid tungsten would incinerate you instantly. Liquid nitrogen would kill you either by suffocation or hypothermia. Liquid helium's superfluid properties would sink your boat, but at least you'd hear the “third sound” as you die.
|{{blog|50|2013|06|18}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Free Fall.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|51|Free Fall}}'''
|''"What place on Earth would allow you to freefall the longest by jumping off it? What about using a squirrel suit?"''
<div align="right">—Dhash Shrivathsa</div>
|It takes 26 seconds to fall from the top of {{w|Mount Thor}} into a pit of cotton candy at the bottom of the cliff. The record for the longest wingsuit glide is enough time for Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi to eat 45 hot dogs.
|{{blog|51|2013|06|25}}
|{{book|1|45}}
|
|-
|[[File:Bouncy Balls.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|52|Bouncy Balls}}'''
|''"What if one were to drop 3,000 bouncy balls from a seven story parking structure onto a person walking on the sidewalk below? Should the person survive, what would be the number of bouncy balls needed to kill them? What injuries would occur and what would the associated crimes be?"''
<div align="right">—Ginger Bread</div>
|Around 3,000,000 balls. Death would occur and you would be charged with manslaughter or murder.
|{{blog|52|2013|07|02}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Drain the Oceans.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|53|Drain the Oceans}}'''
|''"How quickly would the ocean's drain if a circular portal 10 meters in radius leading into space was created at the bottom of Challenger Deep, the deepest spot in the ocean? How would the Earth change as the water is being drained?"''
<div align="right">—Ted M.</div>
|Hundreds of thousands of years, so you'll need a bigger portal. As their basins are cut off, many shallow seas and a few deep trenches remain, leaving much of Earth still covered with water. Massive, unpredictable environmental changes would probably wipe out mankind. If they didn't, the Dutch would take over the world, no longer preoccupied with preventing their lands from flooding as they are now.
|{{blog|53|2013|07|09}}
|{{book|1|48}}
|{{book|12|2024|06|18|Jpy55EgMQgY|What if you drained the oceans?}}
|-
|[[File:Drain the Oceans Part II.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|54|Drain the Oceans: Part II}}'''
|''"Supposing you did '''{{what if|53|Drain the Oceans}}''', and dumped the water on top of the Curiosity rover, how would Mars change as the water accumulated?"''
<div align="right">—Iain</div>
|The water would fill the {{w|Valles Marineris}}, eventually leaving only {{w|Olympus Mons}} and some other small islands. The sea would ultimately freeze over, become covered in dust, and migrate to permafrost at the poles. In the meantime, the Netherlands would colonize Mars through the portal. The video additionally mentions that the greenhouse gas effects caused by all the new water might keep Mars's oceans liquid.
|{{blog|54|2013|07|16}}
|{{book|1|49}}
|{{book|14|2024|08|13|FkUNHhVbQ1Q|What if we teleported the oceans to Mars?}}
|-
|[[File:Random Sneeze Call.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|55|Random Sneeze Call}}'''
|''"If you call a random phone number and say "God bless you", what are the chances that the person who answers just sneezed? On average, not just in spring or fall."''
<div align="right">—Mimi</div>
|The chances they just sneezed are 1 in 40000. There's also a 1 in a billion chance that the person you called just murdered someone, a 1 in 10 trillion chance they've just been killed by lightning, and another 1 in 10 trillion chance that you and the other person called each other simultaneously.
|{{blog|55|2013|07|23}}
|{{book|1|53}}
|
|-
|[[File:Restraining an Airplane.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|56|Restraining an Airplane}}'''
|''"If you wanted to anchor an airplane into the ground so it wouldn't be able to take off, what would the rope have to be made out of?"''
<div align="right">—Connor Childerhose</div>
|A steel cable an inch thick, the lines of an army of fishermen, or the hair of 20 people. Hair has the highest tensile strength of any material in your body.
|{{blog|56|2013|07|30}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Dropping a Mountain.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|57|Dropping a Mountain}}'''
|''"What if a huge mountain—Denali, say—had the bottom inch of its base disappear? What would happen from the impact of the mountain falling 1 inch? What about 1 foot? What if the mountain's base were raised to the present height of the summit, and then the whole thing were allowed to drop to the earth?"''
<div align="right">—John-Clark Levin</div>
|An inch or a foot wouldn't do much, it would only feel like a 3.5 magnitude earthquake. Dropped from its own height, Denali would cause a magnitude 7 earthquake and crush coal to diamonds. Dropped from space, that's just a large asteroid and it would cause an impact winter.
|{{blog|57|2013|08|06}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="3" |[[File:Orbital Speed.png|100px]]
| rowspan="3" |'''{{What If|58|Orbital Speed}}'''
|''"What if a spacecraft slowed down on re-entry to just a few miles per hour using rocket boosters like the Mars-sky-crane? Would it negate the need for a heat shield?"''
<div align="right">—Brian</div>
| rowspan="3" |No, because you need to go 8 km/s to stay in orbit, and it would take impossible amounts of fuel to slow down.
| rowspan="3"{{blog|58|2013|08|12|1d early}}
| rowspan="3"{{book|1|43}}
| rowspan="3" |
|-
|''"Is it possible for a spacecraft to control its reentry in such a way that it avoids the atmospheric compression and thus would not require the expensive (and relatively fragile) heat shield on the outside?"''
<div align="right">—Christopher Mallow</div>
|-
|''"Could a (small) rocket (with payload) be lifted to a high point in the atmosphere where it would only need a small rocket to get to escape velocity?"''
<div align="right">—Kenny Van de Maele</div>
|-
|[[File:Updating a Printed Wikipedia.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|59|Updating a Printed Wikipedia}}'''
|''"If you had a printed version of the whole of (say, the English) Wikipedia, how many printers would you need in order to keep up with the changes made to the live version?"''
<div align="right">—Susanne Könings</div>
|You'd need six printers, but if using an ink printer, costs would rack up to $500,000 a month, dwarfing paper and maintenance costs. You'd need to file away past versions in case they were reverted (restored), which would be a nightmare.
|{{blog|59|2013|08|20|1d late}}
|{{book|1|58}}
|{{book|13|2024|7|9|RgBYohJ7mIk|What if you tried to print Wikipedia?}}
|-
|[[File:Signs of Life.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|60|Signs of Life}}'''
|''"If you could teleport to a random place of the surface of the Earth, what are the odds that you'll see signs of intelligent life?"''
<div align="right">—Borislav Stanimirov</div>
|70% of the time you would end up in the ocean, while most of the rest will be somewhere uninhabited. But if it’s night, you can see satellites just by looking up.
|{{blog|60|2013|08|27}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Speed Bump.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|61|Speed Bump}}'''
|''"How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live?"''
<div align="right">—Myrlin Barber</div>
|At highway speeds, you could wreck your tires and suspension. Around 150-300 mph, the aerodynamics of a typical sedan will cause it to flip and crash before even reaching the speed bump. At 90% the speed of light, you could face a billion-dollar speeding ticket.
|{{blog|61|2013|09|03}}
|{{book|1|41}}
|
|-
|[[File:Falling With Helium.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|62|Falling With Helium}}'''
|''"What if I jumped out of an airplane with a couple of tanks of helium and one huge, un-inflated balloon? Then, while falling, I release the helium and fill the balloon. How long of a fall would I need in order for the balloon to slow me enough that I could land safely?"''
<div align="right">—Colin Rowe</div>
|You would need a balloon at least 10 to 20 meters across to slow your fall, as well as needing 10 helium tanks that are 250 cubic feet. You'd have to do it really quickly though, and starting from a higher place will not help due to the atmosphere's thinness making you accelerate.
|{{blog|62|2013|09|10}}
|{{book|1|34}}
|
|-
|[[File:Google's Datacenters on Punch Cards.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|63|Google's Datacenters on Punch Cards}}'''
|''"If all digital data were stored on punch cards, how big would Google's data warehouse be?"''
<div align="right">—James Zetlin</div>
|Using electric consumption and datacenter spending as a measuring stick, Google probably has around 1-2 million servers, which equates to around 15 exabytes (or 15,000,000,000,000,000,000 bytes). Assuming a punch card holds 80 characters, all of that data comes out to 4.5 kilometers/2.8 miles, 3x deeper than the New England ice sheets.
|{{blog|63|2013|09|17}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:Rising Steadily.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|64|Rising Steadily}}'''
|''"If you suddenly began rising steadily at one foot per second, how exactly would you die? Would you freeze or suffocate first? Or something else?"''
<div align="right">—Rebecca B</div>
|A nudist would survive for five hours, then succumb to the cold. With a good coat, one would survive for seven, even plausibly eight, until reaching the low-oxygen {{w|death zone}} and suffocating. However, your corpse would outlast the Earth as it was swallowed by the Sun.
|{{blog|64|2013|09|24}}
|{{book|1|15}}
|
|-
|[[File:Twitter Timeline Height.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|65|Twitter Timeline Height}}'''
|''"If our Twitter timelines (tweets by the people we follow) actually extended off the screen in both directions, how tall would they be?"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|It's difficult to pin down an "average" for Twitter timeline lengths, but an estimate by Diego Basch and the Tweet rate as of 2013 suggests that the section timeline extending to the past would have 345 billion tweets and be 8,000,000 kilometers (5,000,000 miles) tall. Using extrapolation techniques similar to those used in the {{w|German tank problem}}, the future and past timelines combined would likely contain 690 billion tweets.
|{{blog|65|2013|10|01}}
|
|
|-
|[[File:500 MPH.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|66|500 MPH}}'''
|''"If winds reached 500 mph, would it pick up a human?"''
<div align="right">—Grey Flynn, age 7, Stoneham, MA</div>
|500 mph winds are more than fast enough to pick up a person and propel them through the air. In fact, 500 mph winds are so fast that they only occur on Earth in extreme situations like the immediate vicinity of an erupting volcano or the aftermath of a major asteroid impact at which point wind speed would only be one of many dangers to human survival.
|{{blog|66|2013|10|08}}
|
|
|-
| rowspan="2" |[[File:Expanding Earth.png|100px]]
| rowspan="2" |'''{{What If|67|Expanding Earth}}'''
| rowspan="2" |''"How long would it take for people to notice their weight gain if the mean radius of the world expanded by 1cm every second? (Assuming the average composition of rock were maintained.)"''
<div align="right">—Dennis O’Donnell</div>
| rowspan="2" |After a month, the gain would be measurable but within the normal variation of gravity. After a year, it would be more prominent at 5%. Humans could survive with difficulty for a decade, but even in specially-built environments, they would succumb within a century as air itself became toxic from atmospheric pressure. After a few centuries, the Moon would fall into the Roche limit and crumble into rings.
| rowspan="2" {{blog|67|2013|10|15}}
| rowspan="2" {{book|1|55}}
|{{book|17|2024|10|15|-1-ldW4kpLM|What if Earth grew 1cm every second?}}
|-
|{{book|6|short-video=yes|2025|08|05|5k8ciEx__5w|Circumference pop quiz!}}
|-
|[[File:Little Planet.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|68|Little Planet}}'''
|''"If an asteroid was very small but supermassive, could you really live on it like the Little Prince?"''
<div align="right">—Samantha Harper</div>
|Technically, yes. However, there would be major challenges. For one, gravity would be at full strength at your feet, but only 25% strength at your head, giving the illusion that you're being stretched. You would need to sprint at 3 meters per second to leave orbit. However, if you don't make it to that point, you would enter a highly eccentric orbit which would pull on your body in strange ways. Alternatively, you could escape the atmosphere by jumping. If you can make a dunk in basketball on Earth, you could escape this body by jumping.
|{{blog|68|2013|10|22}}
|{{book|1|22}}
|
|-
|[[File:Facebook of the Dead.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|69|Facebook of the Dead}}'''
|''"When, if ever, will Facebook contain more profiles of dead people than of living ones?"''
<div align="right">—Emily Dunham</div>
|This depends on if Facebook stays popular or declines in popularity over time. In the former case, the dead would only outnumber the living well into the 2100s; while in the latter, this happens around 2060. Facebook can afford to keep all our data indefinitely, but there are ethical questions.
|{{blog|69|2013|10|29}}
|{{book|1|59}}
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|[[File:The Constant Groundskeeper.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|70|The Constant Groundskeeper}}'''
|''"How big of a lawn would you have to have so that when you finished mowing you'd need to start over because the grass has grown?"''
<div align="right">—Nick Nelson</div>
|A normal, standard-issue mower running for 10 hours straight could cut an area of 25,000 square meters, or 27,000 yards. Using a much faster mower commissioned by the magazine ''Top Gear'' that is used all day, every day, it could cut an adult male cougar's home range (which [https://wdfw.wa.gov/species-habitats/species/puma-concolor#:~:text=Adult%20male%20cougars%20roam%20widely,terrain%2C%20and%20availability%20of%20prey. the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife] reports as 50-150 miles or 80-240 kilometers).
|{{blog|70|2013|11|05}}
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|[[File:Stirring Tea.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|71|Stirring Tea}}'''
|''"I was absentmindedly stirring a cup of hot tea, when I got to thinking, "aren't I actually adding kinetic energy into this cup?" I know that stirring does help to cool down the tea, but what if I were to stir it faster? Would I be able to boil a cup of water by stirring?"''
<div align="right">—Will Evans</div>
|No, not really, It would take at least 1 horsepower (a lot for a person stirring), and reducing the power would just make it cool faster. Stirring faster and faster would cause a vacuum to form and stirring to become ineffective.
|{{blog|71|2013|11|12}}
|{{book|1|61}}
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|[[File:Loneliest Human.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|72|Loneliest Human}}'''
|''"What is the furthest one human being has ever been from every other living person? Were they lonely?"''
<div align="right">—Bryan J. McCarter</div>
|The most well-documented candidates are six Apollo astronauts who ventured behind the dark side of the Moon. Antarctic explorers and pre-colonialism Polynesian explorers have a shot, but there's no good evidence of specific people who beat the Apollo record. Astronauts Mike Collins and Al Worden said they were not at all lonely, the latter even enjoying his soltitude.
|{{blog|72|2013|11|19}}
|{{book|1|63}}
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|[[File:Lethal Neutrinos.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|73|Lethal Neutrinos}}'''
|''"How close would you have to be to a supernova to get a lethal dose of neutrino radiation?"''
<div align="right">—(Overheard in a physics department)</div>
|Neutrinos are subatomic particles that barely interact with the universe at all, so it's hard to imagine a scenario where they could harm you, even in a supernova. But at about 2.3 AU, or a little farther than Mars is from the Sun, even the neutrinos would be dense enough to kill you. On the other hand, if you were that close, you were probably inside the star that created the supernova, in which case ''[[#115|Into the Sun]]'' would apply.
|{{blog|73|2013|11|26}}
|{{book|1|39}}
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|-
|[[File:Soda Planet.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|74|Soda Planet}}'''
|''"How much of the Earth's currently-existing water has ever been turned into a soft drink at some point in its history?"''
<div align="right">—Brian Roelofs</div>
|Humans have likely consumed 6.5 trillion liters or 1.7 trillion gallons of soda ever, based on estimates of population growth and popularity of soda. Assuming humanity has drunk 100 trillion liters (26 trillion gallons) of water, it is reasonable to conclude that only 0.0000005% of Earth's current water reservoir has been turned into a soft drink. However, considering how long water takes to cycle around and certain prehistoric life forms, the water in the average soda was likely once consumed by a dinosaur.
|{{blog|74|2013|12|03}}
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|[[File:Phone Keypad.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|75|Phone Keypad}}'''
|''"I use one of those old phones where you type with numbers—for example, to type "Y", you press 9 three times. Some words have consecutive letters on the same number. When they do, you have to pause between letters, making those words annoying to type. What English word has the most consecutive letters on the same key?"''
<div align="right">—Stewart Bishop</div>
|The English word with the most consecutive letters on the same key is "Nonmonogamous". This would require you to type the 6 key (MNO) 16 times without stopping, in order to type 'nonmono'. With every letter included, typing this word would require pressing the 2, 4, 7, and 8 keys once each, and the 6 key a nice, even 20 times.
|{{blog|75|2013|12|10}}
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|[[File:Reading Every Book.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|76|Reading Every Book}}'''
|''"At what point in human history were there too many (English) books to be able to read them all in one lifetime?"''
<div align="right">—Gregory Willmot</div>
|About the 1500s, as the population of active English writers reached a few hundred, meaning you would never be able to catch up (using the average word count for a few famous authors as a baseline). You might not want to read them, anyways.
|{{blog|76|2013|12|17}}
|{{book|2|10}}
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|-
|[[File:Growth Rate.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|77|Growth Rate}}'''
|''"What height would humans reach if we kept growing through our whole development period (i.e. till late teens/early twenties) at the same pace as we do during our first month?"''
<div align="right">—Maria</div>
|We would reach 10 to 12 meters at age 20, though the human body is not scalable to those heights, as our bone structure is too thin, while our hearts wouldn't be able to pump the blood around.
|{{blog|77|2013|12|31|7d late}}
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|[[File:T-rex Calories.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|78|T-rex Calories}}'''
|''"If a T-rex were released in New York City, how many humans/day would it need to consume to get its needed calorie intake?"''
<div align="right">—Tony Schmitz</div>
|Estimates vary, but the T-rex was estimated to need 40,000 calories per day. Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics tells us that the average 80 kg/175 pound human [http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=QW-PERSON&Category_Code=QW contains 110,000 calories]. Therefore, a T-rex would need to eat someone every 2 days or so.
|{{blog|78|2014|01|07}}
|{{book|2|7|T. Rex Calories}}
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|-
|[[File:Lake Tea.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|79|Lake Tea}}'''
|''"What if we were to dump all the tea in the world into the Great Lakes? How strong, compared to a regular cup of tea, would the lake tea be?"''
<div align="right">—Alex Burman</div>
|An average cup of tea requires 2 grams of tea per 100 mL of water, and to make proper tea out of the Great Lakes, you would need 450 billion tons of tea for the Great Lakes' 22,600 cubic kilometers/5400 cubic miles of water. A total year's supply of tea is only 4.8 million tons, which would make tea about as strong as 2 drops in a bathtub. To make proper lake tea, you could use Wular Lake in Kashmir or Ullswater in UK's lake district, due to the volume of both being small enough for the tea to work.
|{{blog|79|2014|01|14}}
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|[[File:Pile of Viruses.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|80|Pile of Viruses}}'''
|''"What if every virus in the world were collected into one area? How much volume would they take up and what would they look like?"''
<div align="right">—Dave</div>
|''Human'' viruses would fill about ten oil drums. ''All'' viruses would form a wet heap the size of a small mountain, with a texture resembling pus or meat slurry.
|{{blog|80|2014|01|21}}
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|[[File:Catch!.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|81|Catch!}}'''
|''"Is there any way to fire a gun so that the bullet flies through the air and can then be safely caught by hand? e.g. shooter is at sea level and catcher is up a mountain at the extreme range of the gun."''
<div align="right">—Ed Hui, London</div>
|Yes, eventually the bullet would come to a maximum height, at which point you could grab the bullet before it fell down. You'd need to grip it firmly, because the bullet would still have its rotational momentum and might jump out of your hand. A larger bullet would require a larger height to catch it at, and even then, it would still be difficult to grab. Of course, this is illegal and can injure you or other people.
|{{blog|81|2014|01|28}}
|{{book|2|12}}
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|-
|[[File:Hitting a comet.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|82|Hitting a comet}}'''
|''"Astrophysicists are always saying things like "This mission to this comet is equivalent to throwing a baseball from New York and hitting a particular window in San Francisco." Are they really equivalent?"''
<div align="right">—Tom Foster</div>
|The baseball thing is much harder. You'd have to hit it out of the atmosphere, and a baseball is too small to do that. Even if you could, it's still not a fair comparison because astrophysicists are allowed to refine their approach as they close in on the target, which you can't do with a thrown baseball. It turns out that the comet mission requires about the same level of precision as laser eye surgery.
|{{blog|82|2014|02|05|1d late}}
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|[[File:Star Sand.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|83|Star Sand}}'''
|''"If you made a beach using grains the proportionate size of the stars in the Milky Way, what would that beach look like?"''
<div align="right">—Jeff Wartes</div>
|Although red giants aren't as common as Sun-like stars or red dwarfs, they would form a stretch of gravel that went on for miles due to their large relative volume. 99% of all stars would form a small patch of sand.
|{{blog|83|2014|02|11|1d early}}
|{{book|2|16}}
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|-
|[[File:Paint the Earth.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|84|Paint the Earth}}'''
|''"Has humanity produced enough paint to cover the entire land area of the Earth?"''
<div align="right">—Josh (Bolton, MA)</div>
|There isn't enough paint to go around. The total estimated amount of produced paint, a trillion litres, is only enough to paint as much as the land area of Russia.
|{{blog|84|2014|02|18}}
|{{book|2|14}}
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|-
|[[File:Rocket Golf.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|85|Rocket Golf}}'''
|''"Assuming that you have a spaceship in orbit around the Earth, could you propel your ship to speeds exceeding escape velocity by hitting golf balls in the other direction? If so, how many golf balls would be required to reach the Moon?"''
<div align="right">—Dan (Kanata, Ontario)</div>
|You ''could'' propel your ship using golf balls, but, assuming they are being fired at 226 mph (363 km/h), the fastest world record, the amount of golf balls needed for this would be around the size of Earth and wouldn't even get you to the Moon. You'd need a potato cannon fueled by acetylene firing golf balls at 310 mph (500 km/h) which reduces the size of the golf mass to 150 miles (240 kilometers). This would be incredibly costly and firing them faster would essentially be the same as building a normal rocket.
|{{blog|85|2014|02|25}}
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|[[File:Far-Traveling Objects.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|86|Far-Traveling Objects}}'''
|''"In terms of human-made objects, has Voyager 1 travelled the farthest distance? It's certainly the farthest from Earth we know about. But what about the edge of ultracentrifuges, or generator turbines that have been running for years, for example?"''
<div align="right">—Matt Russell</div>
|There are a few different frames of reference you can look at, but in normal terms Mariner 10 has traveled much farther than Voyager 1. It's travelled a couple of light-days around the Sun, while the Voyager probes have only travelled a dozen light-hours.
|{{blog|86|2014|03|04}}
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|[[File:Enforced by Radar.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|87|Enforced by Radar}}'''
|''"I've occasionally seen "radar enforced" on speed limit signs, and I can't help but ask: How intense would radio waves have to be to stop a car from going over the speed limit, and what would happen if this were attempted?"''
<div align="right">—Joausc</div>
|Radio waves are generally ''very weak''. You'd need the collective energy of trillions of cell phones just to levitate a snow flake. To stop a car, you'd need at least 2 trillion joules of radiation, which would vaporize the car and everything else around it.
|{{blog|87|2014|03|11}}
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|[[File:Soda Sequestration.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|88|Soda Sequestration}}'''
|''"How much CO2 is contained in the world's stock of bottled fizzy drinks? How much soda would be needed to bring atmospheric CO2 back to preindustrial levels?"''
<div align="right">—Brandon Seah</div>
|There are currently 400 parts of carbon dioxide per million. To bring it down to pre-Industrial levels, you'd need 450 quadrillion cans of soda, each being able to hold 2.2 grams of CO2. This would cover Earth's land 10 times over.
|{{blog|88|2014|03|18}}
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|[[File:Tungsten Countertop.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|89|Tungsten Countertop}}'''
|''"How far would a tungsten countertop descend if I dropped it into the Sun?"''
<div align="right">—Michael Leuchtenburg</div>
|Tungsten has the highest melting point of any element, but even tungsten would melt before it got too far. If you protected it with a heat shield, it would get destroyed all the same by the battering of the particles in the Sun's atmosphere. It could possibly penetrate the surface if it was larger, but as it stands, it wouldn't get past the outer layers.
|{{blog|89|2014|03|25}}
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|[[File:Great Tree, Great Axe.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|90|Great Tree, Great Axe}}'''
|''"If all the seas were one sea,''
''What a great sea that would be!''
''If all the trees were one tree,''
''What a great tree that would be!''
''If all the men were one man,''
''What a great man that would be!''
''If all the axes were one axe,''
''What a great axe that would be!''
''And if the great man took the great axe,''
''And cut down the great tree,''
''And let if fall into the great sea,''
''What a great splish-splash that would be!''

''... How great would all of these things be?"''
<div align="right">—John Eifert (quoting a ''Mother Goose'' rhyme)</div>
|The seas would be a little bigger than the Pacific Ocean. Trees can't grow taller than about 130 meters naturally, and would physically crush itself if above a few kilometers tall. Ignoring these restraints, the tree would be about 75 km tall with trunk diameter of 2 km. Ignoring human size restraints, the person would be close to 3 km tall. The axe would be about 500 meters long and relatively the size of a flimsy hatchet. It may take a few weeks to chop down the tree and the impact would create a tsunami that probably wouldn't wipe out the human race, but would be likely the deadliest single disaster in our history.
|{{blog|90|2014|04|03|2d late}}
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|[[File:Faucet Power.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|91|Faucet Power}}'''
|''"I just moved into a new apartment. It includes hot water but I have to pay the electric bill. So being a person on a budget ... what's the best way to use my free faucet to generate electricity?"''
<div align="right">—David Axel Kurtz</div>
|A small hydroelectric dam in the bathtub would yield about $0.25 per month of electricity, but the best option would probably be to bottle and sell your tap water, yielding about $38 million per year at $1.50 per bottle.
|{{blog|91|2014|04|08|2d early}}
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|[[File:One-Second Day.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|92|One-Second Day}}'''
|''"What would happen if the Earth's rotation were sped up until a day only lasted one second?"''
<div align="right">—Dylan</div>
|Everything on Earth would die, but if it happened when the Moon crosses the plane of the Earth, then everything in the Solar System will die (whether there is a difference is debatable).
|{{blog|92|2014|04|15}}
|{{book|2|21}}
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|[[File:Windshield Raindrops.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|93|Windshield Raindrops}}'''
|''"At what speed would you have to drive for rain to shatter your windshield?"''
<div align="right">—Daniel Butler</div>
|Water droplets in air are normally lighter than the air, so this wouldn't happen under normal circumstances. However, at supersonic speeds, the water droplet would impact the windshield at Mach 18. It wouldn't shatter the windshield, but it would slowly batter it away.
|{{blog|93|2014|04|22}}
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|[[File:Billion-Story Building.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|94|Billion-Story Building}}'''
|''"My daughter — age 4.5 — maintains she wants a billion-story building. It turns out not only is that hard to help her appreciate this size, I am not at all able to explain all of the other difficulties you'd have to overcome."''
<div align="right">—Keira, via Steve Brodovicz, Media, PA </div>
|The tower would be far too big to support itself under its own weight. The tower would also extend past the Moon. The sheer amount of elevators needed would provide little to no room for actual usable space. Additionally, space junk would be a large problem, as there is a high probability that space junk would collide with the tower.
|{{blog|94|2014|04|29}}
|{{book|2|22}}
|{{book|21|2025|02|11|Z_xJ40QXu7Q|What if you built a billion-story building?}}
|-
|[[File:Pyramid Energy.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|95|Pyramid Energy}}'''
|''"What took more energy, the building of the Great Pyramid of Giza or the Apollo Mission? If we could convert the energy to build the Great Pyramid, would it be enough to send a rocket to the Moon and back?"''
<div align="right">—Michael Marmol</div>
|The Apollo Program took about the same manpower as the building of the Great Pyramids, but physics wise, the Great Pyramid only contains 10<sup>12</sup> joules of gravitational potential energy. A single Saturn V rocket's fuel has 20 times more energy.
|{{blog|95|2014|05|06}}
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|[[File:$2 Undecillion Lawsuit.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|96|$2 Undecillion Lawsuit}}'''
|''"What if Au Bon Pain lost '''[http://www.loweringthebar.net/2014/05/2-undecillion-dollar-demand.html this lawsuit]''' and had to pay the plaintiff $2 undecillion?"''
<div align="right">—Kevin Underhill</div>
|The debt would be incredibly great, to the point that everything ever created by man does not have enough value to pay it off. For comparison, former soliciter general Ted Olson leaked that he charges $1600 per hour for his services. Even if every habitable planet in the Milky Way had a population of 8 billion Ted Olsons, and you hired all of them for a thousand generations, the cost would still be lower than if you lost.
|{{blog|96|2014|05|14|1d late}}
|{{book|2|23}}
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|[[File:Burning Pollen.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|97|Burning Pollen}}'''
|''"What if you were to somehow ignite the pollen that floats around in the air in spring? Other than being a really bad idea, what effect would it have?"''
<div align="right">—Jessica Thornburg</div>
|It would just warm up the air by a very tiny bit, but only because it's so thinly spread. Gathering all of it from a large enough region into one pile could equal a nuclear weapon.
|{{blog|97|2014|05|20|1d early}}
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|[[File:Blood Alcohol.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|98|Blood Alcohol}}'''
|''"Could you get drunk from drinking a drunk person's blood?"''
<div align="right">—Fiona Byrne</div>
|No, you can't. Alcohol in a drunk person's blood would be very diluted and by the time you drank the 14 glasses needed to get drunk, you would've vomited on the account of drinking blood. That aside, you could also get iron overload as well as various blood-borne diseases.
|{{blog|98|2014|05|27}}
|{{book|2|42}}
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|[[File:Starlings.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|99|Starlings}}'''
|''"I was watching '''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eakKfY5aHmY this video]''' and was wondering: How many birds there would need to be for gravity to take over and force them into a gargantuan ball of birds?"''
<div align="right">—Justin Basinger</div>
|Each bird is 85 grams, with a density of around 43 grams per square meter. Because of this, the air would be 25 times stronger than the starlings and the substance governing the collapse. The air would have to be bigger than the Earth to collapse the starlings and the starlings themselves would need to be bigger than the Solar System. They would then promptly turn into a star.
|{{blog|99|2014|06|03}}
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|[[File:WWII Films.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|100|WWII Films}}'''
|''"Did WWII last longer than the total length of movies about WWII? For that matter, which war has the highest movie time:war time ratio?"''
<div align="right">—Becky</div>
|Assuming the average run time of a WWII film was 95 minutes, the combined length was 300 days, meaning World War II was longer than the movies 7 times over. The two most likely candidates for highest movie:war ratio are the Indo-Pakistani war, which lasted 13 days and has 5 catalogued films about it, and the Anglo-Zanzibar war, which only lasted 38 minutes but lacked any films. In 2015, someone took Randall's advice and made [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5954666/ Zanzibar], a short film (31 minutes) that takes the record.
|{{blog|100|2014|06|11|1d late}}
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|[[File:Plastic Dinosaurs.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|101|Plastic Dinosaurs}}'''
|''"As plastic is made from oil and oil is made from dead dinosaurs, how much actual real dinosaur is there in a plastic dinosaur?"''
<div align="right">—Steve Lydford</div>
|Contrary to the name, oil is not made of dead dinosaurs, mostly being composed of marine plankton and algae. Geology is complicated, but the gist is that only a small fraction of a plastic dinosaur toy could've come from dinosaur oil, and depending on the location, it may contain none at all.
|{{blog|101|2014|06|18}}
|{{book|2|26}}
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|[[File:Keyboard Power.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|102|Keyboard Power}}'''
|''"As a writer, I'm wondering what would be the cumulative energy of the hundreds of thousands of keystrokes required to write a novel."''
<div align="right">—Nicholas Dickner</div>
|Writing one full novel would provide enough energy to run a laptop for 15 seconds. If each novel takes you six months, this would save a fraction of a penny of electricity. To keep a laptop, you'd need to write a novel every ten seconds, and to run a microwave would require one novel per second.
|{{blog|102|2014|06|25}}
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|[[File:Vanishing Water.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|103|Vanishing Water}}'''
|''"What would happen if all the bodies of water on Earth magically disappeared?"''
<div align="right">—Joanna Xu</div>
|If all water vanished, the first to notice would be anybody currently in the ocean, and over the course of a minute, they would all fall, some of them dying but some surviving with minor injuries. After this, all marine life will have perished. Humans follow soon after as the water cycle would've stopped, collapsing global infrustructure and killing every plant and person by dehydration. The end of the water cycle also leads to a runaway greenhouse effect later on.
|{{blog|103|2014|07|02}}
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|[[File:Global Snow.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|104|Global Snow}}'''
|''"From my seven-year-old son: How many snowflakes would it take to cover the entire world in six feet of snow? (I don't know why six feet...but that's what he asked.)"''
<div align="right">—Jed Scott</div>
|Snow isn't very dense, and 1 inch of rain would lead to a foot or more of snow. Factoring in snow compressing throughout the day, you would need a mole of snowflakes to cover the Earth in 6 feet in snow.
|{{blog|104|2014|07|09}}
|{{book|2|59}}
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|[[File:Cannibalism.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|105|Cannibalism}}'''
|''"How long could the human race survive on only cannibalism?"''
<div align="right">—Quinn Shaffer</div>
|If half of the world eats the other half, then it would take about 32 months before it came down to 2 people. However, this is also a very efficient way to get a {{w|Transmissible spongiform encephalopathy|prion disease}}.
|{{blog|105|2014|07|16}}
|
|{{book|31|2025|09|30|PUtI3xoaHx0|Could we survive eating only humans?}}
|-
|[[File:Ink Molecules.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|106|Ink Molecules}}'''
|''"Suppose you were to print, in 12 point text, the numeral 1 using a common cheap ink-jet printer. How many molecules of the ink would be used? At what numerical value would the number printed approximately equal the number of ink molecules used?"''
<div align="right">—David Pelkey</div>
|You'd use about 100,000,000,000,000,000 molecules.
|{{blog|106|2014|07|23}}
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|[[File:Letter to Mom.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|107|Letter to Mom}}'''
|''"What’s the fastest way to get a hand-written letter from my place in Chicago to my mother in New Jersey?"''
<div align="right">—Tim</div>
|An ICBM would take 12-15 minutes to cross the distance. While that is the best method, a few other methods come close. The Concorde would only take 30 minutes, while firing something with a rail gun down a vacuum tube would take only 10-20 minutes.
|{{blog|107|2014|07|30}}
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|[[File:Expensive Shoebox.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|108|Expensive Shoebox}}'''
|''"What would be the most expensive way to fill a size 11 shoebox (e.g. with 64 GB MicroSD cards all full of legally purchased music)?"''
<div align="right">—Rick Lewis</div>
|There are many options (precious materials, hard drugs, physical file storage, etc.), but they all cap out at ~$2,000,000,000. That amount of platinum would be worth $13 million, while diamonds, Adcetris and LSD would be valued around 1-2 billion,
|{{blog|108|2014|08|13|7d late}}
|{{book|2|31}}
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|[[File:Into the Blue.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|109|Into the Blue}}'''
|''"If I shot an infinitely strong laser beam into the sky at a random point, how much damage would it do?"''
<div align="right">—Garrett D.</div>
|Infinitely powerful laser beams do not exist, and if they did, they would vaporize the air and destroy everything like in the ''[[what if? (blog)|what if?]]'' article ''{{what if|13|Laser Pointer}}''. That being said, if it were truly random, it would be aimed at Earth 50% of the time. If you miss the Earth, 89,999 times out of 90,000, your beam will pass right out of the galaxy without hitting anything. When it does hit something, it will almost always be the Sun or the Moon.
|{{blog|109|2014|08|20}}
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|[[File:Walking New York.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|110|Walking New York}}'''
|''"Could a person walk the entire city of NY in their lifetime? (including inside apartments)"''
<div align="right">—Asif Shamir</div>
|Based on estimates of US Postal Service carriers and their travel times, we know that walking every street in NYC would probably take 14 years. Assuming it takes about 25 seconds to enter an apartment building, leave, and go to the next one, it would only take an additional 10 years to visit every apartment. However, under [http://ypdcrime.com/penal.law/article140.htm New York Penal Code], the punishment would take 2 million years or 2,000 millenia to finish.
|{{blog|110|2014|08|27}}
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|[[File:All the Money.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|111|All the Money}}'''
|''"People sometimes say "If I had all the money in the world ..." in order to discuss what they would do if they had no financial constraints. I'm curious, though, what would happen if one person had all of the world's money?"''
<div align="right">—Daniel Pino</div>
|Currency only makes up a fraction of Earth's money, and it's unlikely people would agree to your sudden claims of ownership over all of the land, nor would they let you spend the actual currency you have. Said currency would quickly crush you, as most of its weight is in coinage. You could build a structure to contain the coins, but this would violate NYC building codes.
|{{blog|111|2014|09|02|1d early}}
|
|{{book|25|2025|05|06|saj7b5C6TCM|What if you literally had all the money in the world?}}
|-
|[[File:Balloon Car.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|112|Balloon Car}}'''
|''"My 12-year-old daughter is proposing an interesting project. She is planning to attach a number of helium balloons to a chair, which in turn would be tethered by means of a rope to a Ferrari. Her 13-year-old friend would then drive the Ferrari around, while she sits in the chair enjoying uninterrupted views of the countryside. Leaving aside the legal and insurance difficulties, my daughter is keen to know the maximum speed that she could expect to attain, and how many helium balloons would be required."''
<div align="right">—Phil Rodgers, Cambridge, UK</div>
|A balloon just big enough to lift you would be pushed down by the wind, and a balloon big enough to counteract that would lift up the car along with you. The way to achieve this result is [https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=parasailing parasailing].
|{{blog|112|2014|09|17|8d late}}
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|[[File:Visit Every State.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|113|Visit Every State}}'''
|''"How fast could you visit all 50 states?"''
<div align="right">—as discussed by Stephen Von Worley <span class="plainlinks">on [http://www.datapointed.net/2012/08/fastest-route-to-visit-all-fifty-united-states/ '''''Data Pointed''''']</span>
|It would take you 160 hours by car, 39 hours by landing a private jet in each state, and 18 hours by F-22 fighter jet and helicopter landing in each state. However, if you relax the requirement to land in each state and simply count entering the state's airspace as "visiting" it, you can do it in around 7 hours with an SR-71 Blackbird. If we allow satellite orbits, you can do it in just over 6 hours with five orbits, assuming your satellite makes a course correction on each orbit.
|{{blog|113|2014|09|24}}
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|[[File:Antimatter.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|114|Antimatter}}'''
|''"What if everything was antimatter, EXCEPT Earth?"''
<div align="right">—Sean Gallagher</div>
|It would wipe out all life on Earth, but surprisingly slower than you might expect. The annihilation of antimatter entering the atmosphere would add enough extra heat to create a runaway greenhouse effect and make Earth similar to Venus. We would be in much more danger from meteorites, with dinosaur-killer equivalents hitting the upper atmosphere every few months.
|{{blog|114|2014|10|01}}
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|[[File:Into the Sun.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|115|Into the Sun}}'''
|''"When I was about 8 years old, shoveling snow on a freezing day in Colorado, I wished that I could be instantly transported to the surface of the Sun, just for a nanosecond, then instantly transported back. I figured this would be long enough to warm me up but not long enough to harm me. What would actually happen?"''
<div align="right">—AJ, Kansas City</div>
|You would not be warmed if you went to the surface, as the energy received by your skin would be minimal. You would maybe see a bright flash of light. The core, on the other hand, would vaporize you, as the energy delivered there would be able to give you a second-degree burn after 1 femtosecond (1 millionth of a nanosecond) in the core.
|{{blog|115|2014|10|08}}
|{{book|2|61}}
|{{book|15|2024|09|03|UXA-Af-JeCE|Could you survive a nanosecond on the Sun?}}
|-
| rowspan="3" |[[File:No-Rules NASCAR.png|100px]]
| rowspan="3" |'''{{What If|116|No-Rules NASCAR}}'''
| rowspan="3" |''"If you stripped away all the rules of car racing and had a contest which was simply to get a human being around a track 200 times as fast as possible, what strategy would win? Let's say the racer has to survive."''
<div align="right">—Hunter Freyer</div>
| rowspan="3" |If the rider has to survive, 90 minutes is the limit based on human G-force tolerances. If survival is not a priority, you'd build a particle accelerator.
| rowspan="3" {{blog|116|2014|10|15}}
| rowspan="3" {{book|2|35}}
|{{book|3|2023|12|19|JcXpCyPc2Xw|What if NASCAR had no rules?}}
|-
|{{book|8|short-video=yes|2025|08|26|eSPcp-tfGbA|How fast could a human accellerate (while staying alive)?}}
|-
|{{book|9|short-video=yes|2025|09|02|rgUfcFAPicY|How fast could a vehicle go around a track - but the racer does not have to survive.}}
|-
|[[File:Distant Death.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|117|Distant Death}}'''
|''"What is the farthest from Earth that any Earth thing has died?"''
<div align="right">—Amy from NZ</div>
|The farthest that any human has died is about 167 kilometers. In terms of any living thing, however, bacterial spores on Voyager 1 are dying every few months, setting a new record each time.
|{{blog|117|2014|10|23|1d late}}
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|[[File:Physical Salary.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|118|Physical Salary}}'''
|''"What if people's incomes appeared around them as cash in real time? How much would you need to make to be in real trouble?"''
<div align="right">—Julia Anderson, Albuquerque, NM</div>
|At minimum US wage, a worker would earn about one water bottle of mixed coins per day. A CEO would earn about 600 such bottles per day, and the coins would accumulate on the floor at a rate of about 0.5 inches per day. Mark Zuckerberg would earn 25 such bottles ''per second'', and the coins would bury him if he sat still for an hour.
|{{blog|118|2014|10|30}}
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|[[File:Laser Umbrella.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|119|Laser Umbrella}}'''
|''"Stopping rain from falling on something with an umbrella or a tent is boring. What if you tried to stop rain with a laser that targeted and vaporized each incoming droplet before it could come within ten feet of the ground?"''
<div align="right">—Zach Wheeler</div>
|It's doable in theory, but the energy required to completely vaporize a raindrop (rather than merely splattering it) is high enough that your surroundings would get dangerously hot. Targeting the droplets might be possible with adaptive optics, but it would require a complicated device. You could try firing rapidly in random directions instead, but your high-powered laser might go several hundred meters without hitting a raindrop, which would endanger your local neighborhood.
|{{blog|119|2014|11|13|7d late}}
|{{book|2|37}}
|{{book|6|2024|02|20|zgBTwtg7H8E|Could you make an umbrella out of lasers?}}
|-
|[[File:Alternate Universe What Ifs.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|120|Alternate Universe What Ifs}}'''
|''"Dispatches from a horrifying alternate universe"''
|Excerpts from ''what if?'' articles written in a world which, thankfully, is not the one we live in.
|{{blog|120|2014|11|20}}
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|[[File:Frozen Rivers.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|121|Frozen Rivers}}'''
|''"What would happen if all of the rivers in the US were instantly frozen in the middle of the summer?"''
<div align="right">—Zoe Cutler</div>
|Anywhere with rain or snowmelt would be horrifically flooded, and ice would break, then dam up rivers, forming huge lakes. Humanity would be worse for the wear, but all in all fine. Places where electricity is gotten using a hydroelectric dam may be out of power for a bit, but the flow of water would return in time.
|{{blog|121|2014|12|11}} 14d late)
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|[[File:Lava Lamp.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|122|Lava Lamp}}'''
|''"What if I made a lava lamp out of real lava? What could I use as a clear medium? How close could I stand to watch it?"''
<div align="right">—Kathy Johnstone, 6th Grade Teacher (via a student)</div>
|You would need to use a metal or gemstone with a very high heat tolerance. You could possibly use sapphire or some sort of transparent or translucent tungsten, but the clear medium would eventually fog up and prevent you from seeing the lava. The lava would solidify after approximately a minute without some way to continuously heat it.
|{{blog|122|2014|12|18}}
|{{book|2|40}}
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|-
|[[File:Fairy Demographics.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|123|Fairy Demographics}}'''
|''"How many fairies would fly around, if each fairy is born from the first laugh of a child and fairies were immortal?"''
<div align="right">—Mira Kühn, Germany</div>
|If fairies appeared with the first laugh of a ''homo sapiens'', there would be around 100 billion fairies, and they, depending on their size, would probably be considered no more than a common pest. Because of their high population, however, they would probably be considered a major part of the ecosystems where they resided.
|{{blog|123|2015|01|01|7d late}}
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| rowspan="2" |[[File:Lunar Swimming.png|100px]]
| rowspan="2" |'''{{What If|124|Lunar Swimming}}'''
| rowspan="2" |''"What if there was a lake on the Moon? What would it be like to swim in it? Presuming that it is sheltered in a regular atmosphere, in some giant dome or something."''
<div align="right">—Kim Holder</div>
| rowspan="2" |It would be super-cool, given that lower gravity would increase the size of splashes and the height of jumps.
| rowspan="2" {{blog|124|2015|01|08}}
| rowspan="2" |
|{{book|20|2024|12|24|aIIBBj6KR-Y|What if we put a pool on the moon?}}
|-
|{{book|7|short-video=yes|2025|08|12|mtTbwHzhUiM|Petition to send a swimming pool to the moon!}}
|-
|[[File:Bowling Ball 2.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|125|Bowling Ball}}'''
|''"You are in a boat directly over the Mariana Trench. If you drop a 7kg bowling ball over the side, how long would it take to hit the bottom?"''
<div align="right">—Doug Carter</div>
|It would take two hours and 20 minutes.
|{{blog|125|2015|01|15}}
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|[[File:Stairs (What If?).png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|126|Stairs}}'''
|''"If you made an elevator that would go to space (like the one you mentioned in the '''{{what if|94|billion-story building}}''') and built a staircase up (assuming regulated air pressure) about how long would it take to climb to the top?"''
<div align="right">—Ethan Annas</div>
|It would take about half a day by motorcycle, or a week or two for a professional stair-climber. If going on foot, you'd also need to carry a huge backpack stuffed with nothing but sticks of butter in order to get your daily caloric intake (including the energy expended from climbing the stairs).
|{{blog|126|2015|01|22}}
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|[[File:Tug of War.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|127|Tug of War}}'''
|''"Would it be possible for two teams in a tug-o-war to overcome the ultimate tensile strength of an iron rod and pull it apart? How big would the teams have to be?"''
<div align="right">—Markus Andersen</div>
|Two teams of 25 people each would be able to rip a half-inch iron bar apart: tug-o-war is a very dangerous game, as there's so much force being exerted on the rope. The theoretical upper limit of a game is 100,000 players each, pulling a 200-mile–long rope made of graphite ribbons.
|{{blog|127|2015|01|28|1d early}}
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|[[File:Zippo Phone.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|128|Zippo Phone}}'''
|''"What in my pocket actually contains more energy, my Zippo or my smartphone? What would be the best way of getting the energy from one to the other? And since I am already feeling like Bilbo in this one, is there anything else in my pocket that would have unexpected amounts of stored energy?"''
<div align="right">—Ian Cummings</div>
|The Zippo has more energy than your phone battery, but your hand would have even more, when burned as fuel.
|{{blog|128|2015|02|05|1d late}}
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|[[File:Black Hole Moon.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|129|Black Hole Moon}}'''
|''"What would happen if the Moon were replaced with an equivalently-massed black hole? If it's possible, what would a lunar ("holar"?) eclipse look like?"''
<div align="right">—Matt</div>
|Not much would change. A black hole of the Moon's mass would be the size of a sand grain, but gravitational effects would still be more or less the same here on Earth. There would be no moonlight, which would make the Earth a bit colder and mess with some nocturnal animals. You wouldn't see any lunar eclipses due to the tiny size of the Moon. It would only cause significant problems if humans were on the moon at the time.
|{{blog|129|2015|02|12}}
|
|{{book|28|2025|07|08|UQgw50GQu1A|What if the moon turned into a black hole?}}
|-
|[[File:Snow Removal.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|130|Snow Removal}}'''
|''"I've long thought about putting a flamethrower on the front of a car to melt snow and ice before you drive across it. Now I've realized that a flamethrower is impractical, but what about a high-powered microwave emitter?"''
<div align="right">—Matt Van Opens</div>
|The flamethrower is more practical because microwaves don't heat ice very well. The microwave beam would require the power output of three aircraft carriers, and the flamethrower would have a gas mileage of 17 feet per gallon. If you were to drive on the highway for an hour using this method, it would burn 18,635 gallons of gasoline, worth $40,000 to $50,000.
|{{blog|130|2015|02|19}}
|
|{{book|26|2025|05|27|WYf9-xfm6t8|What if you used a flamethrower as a snowblower?}}
|-
|[[File:Microwaves.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|131|Microwaves}}'''
|''"I have had a particular problem for as long as I can remember. Any time I attempt to heat left over Chinese food in a microwave, it fails to heat completely through somewhere. Usually the center but not always and usually rice, but often it will be a small section of meat. It's baffling and has made me automatically adjust heating times to over 2 minutes. In most cases this tends to heat the bowl or plate more than the food. So I suppose the question is what is the optimal time to heat left over Chinese food in the microwave, how about an 800 watt microwave?"''
<div align="right">—James</div>
|The first cause of this issue is that the wave pattern of microwaves create 'dead spots' where the food isn't heated. Secondly, melted ice causes some parts to cook while the rest is still defrosting. Use a lower power level, stir your food partway through microwaving, and let it sit for a few minutes before you eat it. This allows the heat to spread evenly.
|{{blog|131|2015|02|27|1d late}}
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|[[File:Hotter than Average.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|132|Hotter than Average}}'''
|''"I saw a sign at a hot springs tub saying "Caution: Water is hotter than average" with water at about 39°C. Although they were presumably trying to say "hotter than the average swimming pool," this got me wondering: What is the average temperature of all water on the Earth’s surface, and how does that temperature compare to 39°C?"''
<div align="right">—Graham Ward</div>
|The water average is the year-round average air temperature. By saying the water is "hotter than average", they're implying the water in the pool is not tied to it. Give the signmakers some credit.
|{{blog|132|2015|03|07|1d late}}
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|[[File:Flagpole.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|133|Flagpole}}'''
|''"So, you're falling from a height above the tallest building in your town, and you don't have a parachute. But wait! Partway down the side of that skyscraper there's a flagpole sticking out, sans flag! You angle your descent and grab the pole just long enough to swing around so that when you let go you're now heading back up toward the sky. As gravity slows you and brings you to a halt, you reach the top of the skyscraper, where you reach out and pull yourself to safety. What's the likelihood this could happen?"''
<div align="right">—Rex Ungericht</div>
|It would be impossible, even a gymnast's arms would be ripped off from the force.
|{{blog|133|2015|03|17|3d late}}
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|[[File:Space Burial.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|134|Space Burial}}'''
|''"I've often joked I'd like to have my remains put into orbit. Not in a "scatter my ashes" sense, but, like, "throw my naked corpse out the airlock" sense. Honestly, my main motivation is to baffle someone in the distant future, but it's an interesting scientific question: what would happen to my body in orbit over the course of years, decades or centuries?"''
<div align="right">—Tim in Fremont</div>
|Even before you were launched, your body would dry out very quickly. In low orbit, your body would fall to Earth and be burned from atmospheric re-entry. In a higher orbit, it would be destroyed from space debris. In high orbit, you could last for a few centuries. If your body was ever found it would mean there are a lot of people travelling around: making bodies pretty common.
|{{blog|134|2015|03|28|4d late}}
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|[[File:Digging Downward.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|135|Digging Downward}}'''
|''"What would happen if I dug straight down, at a speed of 1 foot per second? What would kill me first?"''
<div align="right">—Jack Kaunis</div>
|To remove all that soil, the energy required would heat up the surrounding beyond fatal levels pretty quickly. Immune to the heat, you could survive for one to two hours, as oxygen becomes toxic at depths higher than 5 kilometers.
|{{blog|135|2015|04|05|1d late}}
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|[[File:Spiders vs. the Sun.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|136|Spiders vs. the Sun}}'''
|''"Which has a greater gravitational pull on me: the Sun, or spiders? Granted, the Sun is much bigger, but it is also much further away, and as I learned in high school physics, the gravitational force is proportional to the square of the distance."''
<div align="right">—Marina Fleming</div>
|The Sun, by 13 orders of magnitude (the Sun is very big). But spiders are a lot more scary.
|{{blog|136|2015|04|12}}
|{{book|2|44}}
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|-
|[[File:New Horizons.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|137|New Horizons}}'''
|''"What if New Horizons hits my car?"''
<div align="right">—Robin Sheat</div>
| ''Note: This question was created before ''New Horizons'' passed by Pluto.'' This is extremely unlikely. The ''New Horizons'' probe is quite large, but is considered small for a spacecraft. If it crashed into your car, there would be serious consequences. However, if it did, NASA would be on the hook to replace your car, along with most of your neighbourhood, and clean up the radioactive mess.
|{{blog|137|2015|07|14|2m 25d late}}
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|[[File:Jupiter Submarine.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|138|Jupiter Submarine}}'''
|''"What if you released a submarine into Jupiter's atmosphere? Would it eventually reach a point where it would float? Could it navigate?"''
<div align="right">—KTH</div>
|No. Before it got to the point where it could float, the submarine would be crushed by the high pressure and melted by the high temperature. This is because gasses behave differently to fluids: the point where things can float is at a much higher pressure.
|{{blog|138|2015|07|28|7d late}}
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|[[File:Jupiter Descending.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|139|Jupiter Descending}}'''
|''"If you did '''{{what if|138|fall into Jupiter's atmosphere in a submarine}}''', what would it actually look like? What would you see before you melted or burned up?"''
<div align="right">—Ada Munroe</div>
|There's not a whole lot to go on here; we have some data and educated guesses about what's going inside these gas giants, but we haven't sent any probes equipped with operational cameras into a gas giant so we don't really know. A book by Michael Carroll suggests that there is a layer between the upper ammonia haze and lower ammonium hydrosulfide clouds, that could provide some good views, and if so, the view would be similar to Earth's atmosphere in that clouds and fellow submarines would fade into blue.
|{{blog|139|2015|08|04}}
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|[[File:Proton Earth, Electron Moon.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|140|Proton Earth, Electron Moon}}'''
|''"What if the Earth were made entirely of protons, and the Moon were made entirely of electrons?"''
<div align="right">—Noah Williams</div>
|There would be so much energy packed into one space that it would create a black hole as massive as the observable universe that would expand outwards at the speed of light. Because of the charge from the electrons, it would be a {{w|naked singularity}}, a black hole with infinite mass that allows light to escape.
|{{blog|140|2015|09|18|1m 7d late}}
|{{book|2|48}}
|{{book|30|2025|9|9|DiWFXv9N0Vs|What if the Moon were made entirely of electrons?}}
|-
|[[File:Sunbeam.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|141|Sunbeam}}'''
|''"What if all of the sun's output of visible light were bundled up into a laser-like beam that had a diameter of around 1m once it reaches Earth?"''
<div align="right">—Max Schäfer</div>
|According to Randall, parts of the atmosphere would be heated to millions of degrees, and the bubble of destruction would wrap around the Earth before it even reached the other side. The light reflected off the Moon would be hot enough to burn you to death. If the beam couldn't track the Earth, part of it would survive as the Earth orbited out of the way. If the beam reached another planetary system, it could heat up the surface of some distant exoplanets. However, this conclusion depends on the precise nature of the "bundling up". If this "bundling" is accomplished via passive optics such as lenses and mirrors, then the temperature (and geometry) of the incoming beam will be restricted according to all the optics principles described in "Fire from Moonlight", and under no circumstances would any part of Earth's atmosphere or surface exceed 5000 K, due to the laws of thermodynamics. If, however, the "bundling" consists of an "active" procedure of generating electricity via PV panels, and then powering actual laser emitters with it (not just "laser-like") - which doesn't sound like Max's conception - then yes, the narrow beam of essentially "infinite" temperature and consequent destruction that Randall describes could indeed occur.
|{{blog|141|2016|01|12|3m 18d late}}
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|[[File:Space Jetta.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|142|Space Jetta}}'''
|''"What if I tried to re-enter the atmosphere in my car? (a 2000 VW Jetta TDI). Would it do more environmental damage than it is already apparently doing?"''
<div align="right">—Casey Berg</div>
|The effect of the car's re-entry itself on the environment is going to be small, verging on negligible. The effect of ceasing its usage to burn hydrocarbon fuel for the remainder of the car's life is likely significantly greater than the re-entry, but in practice also negligible. The main non-negligible environmental effect might be from the launch mechanism that was used to get into orbit in the first place, although even this effect, at current rocket launch rates, is still tiny compared to global air travel or ground-based automobile usage.
|{{blog|142|2016|01|20|1d late}}
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|[[File:Europa Water Siphon.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|143|Europa Water Siphon}}'''
|''"What if you built a siphon from the oceans on Europa to Earth? Would it flow once it's set up? (We have an idea for selling bottled Europa water.)"''
<div align="right">—A group of Google Search SREs</div>
|No, at least not with a siphon. Siphons can only pull water upward to a height where the air pressure feeding water into one side of the siphon equals the weight of the water falling out the other side (creating negative pressure, trying to form a vacuum, which nature abhors). This effect requires a gravitational field and an atmosphere, but cannot be used to pump water above the local atmosphere, and hence out of the local gravity well, under any circumstances - including on Europa.
|{{blog|143|2016|01|26|1d early}}
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|[[File:Saliva Pool.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|144|Saliva Pool}}'''
|''"How long would it take for a single person to fill up an entire swimming pool with their own saliva?"''
<div align="right">—Mary Griffin, 9th grade</div>
|For an Olympic pool, it would take you 8,345 years. In order to finish by the present day, you'd need to start during the invention of agriculture.
|{{blog|144|2016|02|02}}
|{{book|2|53}}
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|[[File:Fire From Moonlight.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|145|Fire From Moonlight}}'''
|''"Can you use a magnifying glass and moonlight to light a fire?"''
<div align="right">—Rogier Spoor</div>
|Unfortunately, it is not possible to summarize Randall's article succinctly, because most of his explanation is completely irrelevant to the question. Randall's answer is effectively "No, and here are a set of correct principles of optics that do not support my claim." The correct answer is "Yes, just like it is possible to start a fire with sunlight reflected off anything else, because the temperature/wavelength/energy of light does not change (substantially) when it is reflected, and the temperature of visible sunlight is around 5000 to 6000 K." (The obvious assumption about the intent behind Rogier's question is that "moonlight" refers to the reflected sunlight, and not the Moon's own surface emission of longwave infrared radiation with a temperature of 300 - 400 K, which we can't see - but this should really be clarified by Rogier.)
|{{blog|145|2016|02|09}}
|{{book|2|51}}
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|-
|[[File:Stop Jupiter.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|146|Stop Jupiter}}'''
|''"I understand that the ''New Horizons'' craft used gravity assist from Jupiter to increase its speed on the way to Pluto. I also understand that by doing this, Jupiter slowed down very slightly. How many flyby runs would it take to stop Jupiter completely?"''
<div align="right">—Dillon</div>
|Even if we were to throw Earth at Jupiter, this could never happen, because Jupiter is much more massive than Earth. Gravity assists are like bouncing a tennis ball off a train, and to stop the train, you'd need an awfully large tennis ball. 
|{{blog|146|2016|02|16}}
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|[[File:Niagara Straw.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|147|Niagara Straw}}'''
|''"What would happen if one tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a straw?"''
<div align="right">—David Gwizdala</div>
|In order to funnel Niagara Falls through a straw, you'd need to accelerate the water to one-quarter light speed, and no machine exists that's capable of doing that. If you somehow could do it, the resulting waterjet would have the power output of a small star, and would boil away the oceans and wipe out all life on Earth.
|{{blog|147|2016|02|26}} 3d late)
|{{book|2|55}}
|{{book|27|2025|06|17|pfbzrrcQZjs|What if you funneled Niagara Falls through a straw?}}
|-
|[[File:Eat the Sun.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|148|Eat the Sun}}'''
|''"What percentage of the Sun's heat (per day) does the population of Earth eat in calories per year? What changes could be made to our diets for the amount of calories to equal the energy of the Sun?"''
<div align="right">—James Mitchell</div>
|0.000000000065%. This is such a ridiculously small portion of the Sun's heat exhaust, that we cannot increase our personal calory intake enough to compensate. Instead we need to add more persons. A lot of them in fact. So many that we need to spread them - and the food that they eat - out throughout not just our galaxy but multiple galaxies. Otherwise, the food alone would be massive enough to turn into a black hole.
|{{blog|148|2016|03|12|8d late}}
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|[[File:Pizza Bird.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|149|Pizza Bird}}'''
|''"My boyfriend recently took a flight on a plane with wifi, and while he was up there, wistfully asked if I could send him a pizza. I jokingly sent him a photo of a parrot holding a pizza slice in its beak. Obviously, my boyfriend had to go without pizza until he landed at JFK. But this raised the question: could a bird deliver a standard 20" New York-style cheese pizza in a box? And if so, what kind of bird would it take?"''
<div align="right">—Tina Nguyen</div>
|After careful analysis of wing types, relative weights, and pizza grabbing mechanisms, it is deduced that even the most compatible bird - the eagle - would be hard-pressed to deliver a pizza to an airliner, the relative speed being the largest hurdle. However, delivery to a house - where the relative speed is not so much of a problem - would be possible, though the pizza might be found a slice or two short.
|{{blog|149|2016|03|26|7d late}}
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|[[File:Tatooine Rainbow.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|150|Tatooine Rainbow}}'''
|''"Since rainbows are caused by the refraction of the sunlight by tiny droplets of rainwater, what would rainbow look like on Earth if we had two suns like Tatooine?"''
<div align="right">—Raga</div>
|Each sun is the source of not just one rainbow, but a whole series of rainbows of diminishing intensity; the elusive 5th order rainbow had apparently been pictured at the time of publication. A planet with two suns would consequently have two series of rainbows. A solar system arranged like Tatooine would have to be circumbinary, which limits the separation of the two rainbow series to about 20 degrees. As the main rainbow is 84 degrees across, this leads to the conclusion that the rainbows would always be overlapping.
|{{blog|150|2016|05|23|1m 21d late}}
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|[[File:Sun Bug.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|151|Sun Bug}}'''
|''"How many fireflies would it take to match the brightness of the Sun?"''
<div align="right">—Luke Doty</div>
|30 nonillion fireflies (3 with 31 zeroes after it), which is surprisingly small on the astronomical scale. Counterintuitively, it turns out a single firefly actually glows brighter than an equivalent mass of Sun. However, there are logistical problems with organizing that many fireflies, as you need to arrange them so that they're not blocking each others' lights. You can try to simplify it by just using one very large firefly, but it would be larger than the entire Solar System and immediately collapse into the biggest black hole in the universe.
|{{blog|151|2016|07|21|1m 23d late}}
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|[[File:Flood Death Valley.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|152|Flood Death Valley}}'''
|''"Since Death Valley is below sea level could we dig a hole to the ocean and fill it up with water?"''
<div align="right">—Nick Traeden</div>
|Basically, yes. But there is a lot of digging, and the end result would be quite similar to the Salton Sea which is characterized as "gross" (technical term). Also, heat world records would likely move elsewhere.
|{{blog|152|2016|10|18|2m 21d late}}
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|''The thumbnail for this blog article wasn't archived.''
|'''<span class="plainlinks">[https://web.archive.org/web/20161205191559/http://what-if.xkcd.com/153 Peptides]</span>'''
|''"What is the longest English word you can spell using the one letter abbreviations of the 20 genetic amino acids? What about the three letter abbreviations? What would the resultant peptides look like?"''
<div align="right">—Kira (Lysine-Isoleucine-Arginine-Alanine) Guth</div>
|For any peptides, 19 letters is the highest possible, that being the word "interdepartmentally". For naturally existing peptides in the human body, 8 letters is the highest known. Examples of 8 letters are: GRISETTE, DATELESS, REVERSAL.
|{{blog|153|2016|12|05|notAvailable=Published by accident and deleted: [[what if? (blog)#top|learn more]]}}
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|[[File:Hide the Atmosphere.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|153|Hide the Atmosphere}}'''
|''"Earth’s atmosphere is really thin compared to the radius of the Earth. How big a hole do I need to dig before people suffocate?"''
<div align="right">—Sam Burke</div>
|The hole would need to be very big. Under the right circumstances, a five-mile hole over the entire state of Texas might suffice.
|{{blog|153|2017|01|30|3m 5d late}}
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|[[File:Coast-to-Coast Coasting.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|154|Coast-to-Coast Coasting}}'''
|''"What if the entire continental US was on a decreasing slope from West to East. How steep would the slope have to be to sustain the momentum needed to ride a bicycle the entire distance without pedaling?"''
<div align="right">—Brandon Rooks</div>
|The ramp would need to be five miles high (eight kilometres) to make this possible, and that would be at a speed slower than walking. You would also need oxygen for the first third of the way down.
|{{blog|154|2017|02|08|9d late}}
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|[[File:Toaster vs. Freezer.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|155|Toaster vs. Freezer}}'''
|''"Would a toaster still work in a freezer?"''
<div align="right">—<span class="plainlinks">[https://maximumfun.org/podcasts/my-brother-my-brother-and-me/ '''My Brother, My Brother, and Me'''], [https://maximumfun.org/episodes/my-brother-my-brother-and-me/mbmbam-343-sauce-doctors-blessing/ '''Episode 343'''], discussing a </span>Yahoo Answers question</div>
|As a superior being, the Toaster casts its gaze upon lowly humans and hrumphs at their bickering about such measly temperature variations as 40C. The Toaster regularly reaches 600C and thus, to it - much like to the Fire - everything else is cold, be it room temperature or freezer temperature. Winnipeg locals have it easy and can try this for themselves, as long as they can stave off the wolves.
|{{blog|155|2017|02|28|13d late}}
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|[[File:Electrofishing for Whales.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|156|Electrofishing for Whales}}'''
|''"I used to work on a fisheries crew where we would use an electro-fisher backpack to momentarily stun small fish (30 - 100 mm length) so we could scoop them up with nets to identify and measure them. The larger fish tended to be stunned for slightly longer because of their larger surface area but I don't imagine this relationship would be maintained for very large animals. Could you electrofish for a blue whale? At what voltage would you have have to set the e-fisher?"''
<div align="right">—Madeline Cooper</div>
|Electrofishing has long-term effects on fish and especially dolphins. Larger animals, especially mammals, are likely to die rather than just get stunned. But it is also harder to get any effect in saltwater, which explains why electrofishing is mainly done in rivers and lakes, compared to fresh water. This means it wouldn't work on blue whales.
|{{blog|156|2017|03|09|2d late}}
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|[[File:Earth-Moon Fire Pole.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|157|Earth-Moon Fire Pole}}'''
|''"My son (5y) asked me today: If there were a kind of a fireman's pole from the Moon down to the Earth, how long would it take to slide all the way from the Moon to the Earth?"''
<div align="right">—Ramon Schönborn, Germany</div>
|This set-up would face many challenges, but these would be the different domains of the slowest extreme sport: climbing out of the Moon's gravity, accelerating through the middle transfer phase, and then decelerating to your supersonic arrival on Earth.
|{{blog|157|2018|03|21|1y 2m 5d late}}
|{{book|2|58}}
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|-
|[[File:Hot Banana.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|158|Hot Banana}}'''
|''"I heard that bananas are radioactive. If they are radioactive, then they radiate energy. How many bananas would you need to power a house?"''
<div align="right">—Kang Ji</div>
|Bananas are not very radioactive, so it would take an absurdly large number. However, gathering that many bananas in one place would have negative consequences. New York no longer exists.
|{{blog|158|2022|05|04|3y 11m 7d late}}
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|[[File:Hailstones.png|100px]]
|'''{{What If|159|Hailstones}}'''
|''"My 4 year old son and I were wondering about soccer ball sized hail today. How much damage would a hail storm with size 5 soccer ball sized hail do?"''
<div align="right">—Michael Grill</div>
|Hailstones get increasingly dangerous as they get larger, as their increased weight cancels their air resistance, allowing them to reach a higher terminal velocity while still carrying all that mass. Regular hailstones are too slow and light to be lethal, but a soccer ball-sized hailstone would hit at around 140 mph, capable of punching straight through the roof of a car or building. Fortunately, no hailstone on record has ever been that big, although storms can on occasion produce hailstones large enough to damage cars, and in rare cases even kill people.
|{{blog|159|2022|07|05|1m 30d late}}
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|''This blog article doesn't have a thumbnail.''
|'''{{What If|160|Transatlantic Car Rental}}'''
|''"My daughter recently received her driver's permit in the US, and aspires to visit mainland Europe someday. She has learned enough about the rules of the road to know never to drive into the ocean; however, she jokingly suggested that given a sufficient quantity of rental cars, she could eventually get to Europe by driving east repeatedly. The question is, how many vehicles would it take to build a car-bridge across the Atlantic?"''
<div align="right">—Eric Munson</div>
|You'd need approximately a billion plus a trillion cars to pull this off. Also, in addition to destroying global ocean circulation and creating an illegal naval blockade, this is definitely a violation of her rental car agreement. Also, organizing a fleet of that many rental cars would be difficult.
|{{blog|160|2022|09|06|1m 26d late}}
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|''This blog article doesn't have a thumbnail.''
|'''{{What If|161|Star Ownership}}'''
|''"If every country's airspace extended up forever, which country would own the largest percentage of the galaxy at any given time?"''
<div align="right">—Reuven Lazarus</div>
|Given that the South pole (of Earth) points towards the Milky way centre, most of the galaxy will wind up in the air-space (space-space?) of countries of the southern hemisphere. However, due to Earth's rotation around its axis, the nadir of the galaxy core (on Earth) will constantly shift. Given that Australia is the largest of the southern countries, Australia will most often be the Rulers of the Universe. Northern hemisphere jurisdictions, such as New Jersey, will have to contend with some pretty nifty black holes and possibly murderous exoplanets.
|{{blog|161|2022|11|01|1m 19d late}}
|{{book|2|24}}
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|''This blog article doesn't have a thumbnail.''
|'''{{What If|162|Comet Ice}}'''
|''"Could I cool down the Earth by capturing a comet and dropping it in the ocean, like an ice cube in a glass of water?"''
<div align="right">—Daniel Becker</div>
|Only if you had a magical sky-crane that could cancel the comet's initial kinetic energy during capture, then slowly lower it to the ground without converting all of its gravitational potential energy back into more kinetic energy. Converting that potential energy into electricity to substitute for existing fossil fuel power plants would reduce CO2 emissions, but the effect of that substitution on global temperatures is uncertain and likely negligible. Meanwhile, the amount of ice in a comet that could be used to cool the oceans directly is also less than one would expect from its size, since comets are not solid. Overall, the answer is effectively "no".
|{{blog|162|2022|12|06|29d late}}
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| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" |'''Global Windstorm'''
| rowspan="3" |''"What would happen if the Earth and all terrestrial objects suddenly stopped spinning, but the atmosphere retained its velocity?"''
<div align="right">—Andrew Brown</div>
| rowspan="3" |Everyone would die. Then, the wind would destroy everything, with gusts blowing more than 1,000 mph (1,600 km/h) around the equator, killing 85% of the world population. The highest winds would only last a few minutes, but that would be enough to vaporise most human structures. Bunkers would be useless, because, even if your bunker were stuck to the ground hard, others would not be as strong and would hit yours at 1,000 mph. However, most of the researchers at the {{w|Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station}} would be completely fine. The wind blast would then become a heat blast with scorching temperatures and create global thunderstorms in moist areas. After a while, the Earth would gradually start to regain its rotational velocity thanks to the Moon.
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" {{book|1|1}}
|{{book|4|2024|01|09|gp5G1QG6cXc|What if Earth suddenly stopped spinning?}}
|-
|{{book|12|short-video=yes|2025|10|07|19gun1mffWs|What would happen to the population if the Earth suddenly stopped spinning?}}
|-
|{{book|13|short-video=yes|2025|10|14|ERieN5pee7A|What would happen to the Earth if it suddenly stopped spinning?}}
|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #1'''
| colspan="2" |''"Would it be possible to get your teeth to such a cold temperature that they would shatter upon drinking a hot cup of coffee?"''
<div align="right">—Shelby Hebert</div>
<div align="right"></div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|4}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"How many houses are burned down in the United States every year? What would be the easiest way to increase that number by a significant amount (say, at least 15%)?"''<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|-
|
|'''New York–Style Time Machine'''
|''"I assume when you travel back in time you end up at the same spot on the Earth’s surface. At least, that’s how it worked in the Back to the Future movies. If so, what would it be like if you traveled back in time, starting in Times Square, New York, 1000 years? 10,000 years? 100,000 years? 1,000,000 years? 1,000,000,000 years? What about foward in time 1,000,000 years?"''
<div align="right">—Mark Dettling</div>
|
*1,000 years back, you'd see many chestnut trees, wolves, and passenger pigeons.
*10,000 years back, the ground would be mostly bedrock, with large chunks of ice and dropped boulders, called glacial erratics.
*100,000 years back, several islands were pushed upwards by the ice. You would see many now-extinct species, such as Canis dirus, Smilodon fatalis, and Arctodus.
*1,000,000 years back, you'd see relatives of hyenas called Chasmaporthetes.
*1,000,000,000 years back would be no plants or animals, only single-celled organisms in the ocean.
|
|{{book|1|5}}
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|-
|
|'''Periodic Wall of the Elements'''
|''"What would happen if you made a periodic table out of cube-shaped bricks, where each brick was made of the corresponding element?"''
<div align="right">—Andy Connolly</div>
|The top two rows wouldn't be too dangerous to build, but the rest of the periodic table would seriously injure or kill you. In the sixth row, elements with short half-lives would destroy the room you were in as well as causing nuclear fallout to fall nearby. Past the sixth row, the entire city you were in would be destroyed.
|
|{{book|1|8}}
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| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #2'''
| colspan="2" |''"Would dumping anti-matter into the Chernobyl reactor when it was melting down stop the meltdown?"''
<div align="right">—AJ</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|12}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"Is it possible to cry so much you dehydrate yourself?"''<div align="right">—Karl Wildermuth</div>
|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''The Last Human Light'''
| rowspan="2" |''"If every human somehow simply disappeared from the face of the Earth, how long would it be before the last artificial light source would go out?"''
<div align="right">—Alan</div>
| rowspan="2" |Radioactive waste that was mixed with glass will glow for centuries.
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" {{book|1|13}}
|{{book|11|2024|05|28|8fADp43wJwU|If all humans died, when would the last light go out?}}
|-
|{{book|5|short-video=yes|2025|07|29|kNry0bf7eC0|Could this be the last surviving human light source?}}
|-
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #3'''
| colspan="2" |''"Given humanity’s current knowledge and capabilities, is it possible to build a new star?"''
<div align="right">—Jeff Gordon</div>
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3"{{book|1|16}}
| rowspan="3" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"What sort of logistic anomalies would you encounter in trying to raise an army of apes?"''<div align="right">—Kevin</div>
|-
| colspan="2" |''"If people had wheels and could fly, how would we differentiate them from airplanes?"''<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Orbital Submarine'''
| rowspan="2" |''"How long would a nuclear submarine last in orbit?"''
<div align="right">—Jason Lathbury</div>
| rowspan="2" |Submarines are, unsurprisingly, very good at being watertight. This would mean that, mostly, air would stay within the submarine for a time. However, a nuclear submarine is able to stay under for so long because it can convert seawater into oxygen. With no seawater, no oxygen is made, which means that eventually they will run out of air. Getting back into the atmosphere would be tricky. Firing all of a submarine's missiles backwards (i.e. towards the ship) with their detonators removed would produce just enough force for the sub to deorbit and reenter the atmosphere. At that point, the heat and forces of reentry would rip the submarine apart, similar to the {{w|Space Shuttle Challenger disaster}}.
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" {{book|1|17}}
|{{book|7|2024|03|05|EsUBRd1O2dU|Would a Submarine Work as a Spaceship?}}
|-
|{{book|4|short-video=yes|2025|07|22|sFTRRdHqZIQ|Why Space Is Actually Warm!}}
|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #4'''
| colspan="2" |''"Would it be possible to stop a volcano eruption by placing a bomb (thermobaric or nuclear) underneath the surface?"''
<div align="right">—Tomasz Gruszka</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|20}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"A friend of mine is convinced that there is sound in space. There isn’t, right?"''<div align="right">—Aaron Smith</div>
|-
|
|'''Human Computer'''
|''"How much computing power could we achieve if the entire world population stopped whatever we are doing right now and started doing calculations? How would it compare to a modern-day computer or smartphone?"''
<div align="right">—Mateusz Knorps</div>
|The combined computing power of all devices surpassed the power of all humans in 1977.
|
|{{book|1|21}}
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|'''Common Cold'''
|''"If everyone on the planet stayed away from each other for a couple of weeks, wouldn't the common cold virus be wiped out?"''
<div align="right">—Sarah Ewart</div>
|In theory, this would work. In practice, it wouldn't for a simple reason: Some people have compromised immune systems. These people's bodies can be a safe haven for rhinoviruses, which would mean the common cold, would quickly spread through the population again. The world's food supplies would also be an issue, as people may need to eat foods not designed to be eaten directly (i.e. raw grain). Many systems would shut down as people wouldn't be there to maintain them. Many millions would be stranded in places like Antarctica or the Sahara Desert, which would lead to many deaths. In effect, the scenario would be similar to 'Everybody Jump'.
|
|{{book|1|25}}
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| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #5'''
| colspan="2" |''" If global warming puts us in danger through temperature rise, and super-volcanos put us into danger of global cooling, shouldn’t those two dangers balance each other out?"''
<div align="right">—Florian Seidl-Schulz</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|27}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"How fast would a human have to run in order to be cut in half at the bellybutton by a cheese-cutting wire?"''<div align="right">—Jon Merrill</div>
|-
|
|'''No More DNA'''
|''"This may be a bit gruesome, but... if someone's DNA suddenly vanished, how long would that person last?"''
<div align="right">—Nina Charest</div>
|You could live for several hours or days before succumbing to infection or systemwide organ failure.
|
|{{book|1|29}}
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| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #6'''
| colspan="2" |''"What is the total nutritional value (calories, fat, vitamins, minerals, etc.) of the average human body?"''
<div align="right">—Justin Risner</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|31}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"What temperature would a chainsaw (or other cutting implement) need to be at to instantly cauterize any injuries inflicted with it?"''<div align="right">—Sylvia Gallagher</div>
|-
|
|'''Flyover States'''
|''"Which US state is actually flown over the most?"''
<div align="right">—Jesse Ruderman</div>
|Somewhat surprisingly,Virgina, due to a large amount of flights from Toronto to the Carribbean/South America. Despite it having many major airports, inlcluding most of those serving DC, there are also many major airports which have routes passing over Virginia, such as KATL and KJFK.
|
|{{book|1|33}}
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| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #7'''
| colspan="2" |''"In Thor the main character is at one point spinning his hammer so fast that he creates a strong tornado. Would this be possible in real life?"''
<div align="right">—Davor</div>
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3"{{book|1|36}}
| rowspan="3" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"If you saved a whole life’s worth of kissing and used all that suction power on one single kiss, how much suction force would that single kiss have?"''<div align="right">—Jonatan Lindström</div>
|-
| colspan="2" |''"How many nuclear missiles would have to be launched at the United States to turn it into a complete wasteland?"''<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|-
|
|'''Self-Fertilization'''
|''"I read about some researchers who were trying to produce sperm from bone marrow stem cells. If a woman were to have sperm cells made from her own stem cells and impregnate herself, what would be her relationship to her daughter?"''
<div align="right">—R Scott LaMorte</div>
|As the child is coming from, effectively, two parents with identical DNA, there would be many genetic defects, similar to being inbred. As there is no father to contribute a Y chromosome, the child is guaranteed to be a girl.
|
|{{book|1|37}}
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|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #8'''
| colspan="2" |''"A toxin blocks the ability of the nephron tubule reabsorption but does not affect filtration. What are the possible short-term effects of this toxin?"''
<div align="right">—Mary</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|40}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"If a Venus fly trap could eat a person, about how long would it take for the human to be fully de-juiced and absorbed?"''<div align="right">—Jonathan Wang</div>
|-
|
|'''Lost Immortals'''
|''"If two immortal people were placed on opposite sides of an uninhabited Earthlike planet, how long would it take them to find each other? 100,000 years? 1,000,000 years? 100,000,000,000 years?"''
<div align="right">—Ethan Lake</div>
|Depending on strategy and terrain, a few years to a few decades.
|
|{{book|1|42}}
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|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #9'''
| colspan="2" |''"Could you survive a tidal wave by submerging yourself in an in-ground pool?"''
<div align="right">—Chris Muska</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|46}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"If you are in free fall and your parachute fails, but you have a Slinky with extremely convenient mass, tension, etc., would it be''
possible to save yourself by throwing the Slinky upward while holding on to one end of it?"<div align="right">—Varadarajan Srinivasan</div>
|-
|
|'''Sparta'''
|''"In the movie 300 they shoot arrows up into the sky and they seemingly blot out the sun. Is this possible, and how many arrows would it take?"''
<div align="right">—Anna Newell</div>
|300 arrows per second with densely packed archers could blot out 99% of the Sun's light. If the Sun were low in the horizon, you could more effectively block sunlight with less arrows. However, this would have little to no effect on the opponent, unless it required solar panels.
|
|{{book|1|47}}
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|-
|
|'''Lego Bridge'''
|''"How many Lego bricks would it take to build a bridge capable of carrying traffic from London to New York? Have that many Lego bricks been manufactured?"''
<div align="right">—Jerry Petersen</div>
|Enough bricks have been manufactured to connect London and New York, but the bridge would not be structurally sound enough to stay together for very long.
|
|{{book|1|51}}
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|-
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #10'''
| colspan="2" |''"What is the probability that if I am stabbed by a knife in my torso that it won’t hit anything vital and I’ll live?"''
<div align="right">—Thomas</div>
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3"{{book|1|54}}
| rowspan="3" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"If I were on a motorbike and do a jump off a quarter pipe ramp, how fast would I need to be moving to safely deploy and land using the parachute?"''<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|-
| colspan="2" |''"What if every day, every human had a 1 percent chance of being turned into a turkey, and every turkey had a 1 percent chance of''
being turned into a human?"<div align="right">—Kenneth</div>
|-
|
|'''Weightless Arrow'''
|''"Assuming a zero-gravity environment with an atmosphere identical to Earth's, how long would it take the friction of air to stop an arrow fired from a bow? Would it eventually come to a standstill and hover in midair?"''
<div align="right">—Mark Estano</div>
|It would stop at about 5 to 10 kilometers.
|
|{{book|1|56}}
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|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''All the Lightning'''
| rowspan="2" |''"If all the lightning strikes happening in the world on any given day all happened in the same place at once, what would happen to that place?"''
<div align="right">—Trevor Jones</div>
| rowspan="2" |It would create a crater the size of a basketball court.
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" {{book|1|62}}
|{{book|10|2024|05|07|fs28lEq9smw|What if all the lightning on Earth struck the same place at once?}}
|-
|{{book|3|short-video=yes|2025|07|15|_efsqO-4OoQ|Could We Harvest Power From Lightning?}}
|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #11'''
| colspan="2" |''"What if everyone in Great Britain went to one of the coasts and started paddling? Could they move the island at all?"''
<div align="right">—Ellen Eubanks</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|64}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"Are fire tornadoes possible?"''<div align="right">—Seth Wishman</div>
|-
|
|'''Neutron Bullet'''
|''"If a bullet with the density of a neutron star were fired from a handgun (ignoring the how) at the Earth's surface, would the Earth be destroyed?"''
<div align="right">—Charlotte Ainsworth</div>
|No. The bullet would fall through the ground and stop in the center of the Earth.
|
|{{book|1|67}}
|
|-
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2" |'''Weird (and Worrying) Questions from the What If? Inbox, #12'''
| colspan="2" |''"What if I swallow a tick that has Lyme disease? Will my stomach acid kill the tick and the borreliosis, or would I get Lyme disease from the inside out?"''
<div align="right">—Christopher Vogel</div>
| rowspan="2" |
| rowspan="2"{{book|1|68}}
| rowspan="2" |
|-
| colspan="2" |''"Assuming a relatively uniform resonant frequency in a passenger jet, how many cats, meowing at what resonant frequency of said jet, would be required to "bring it down"?"<div align="right">—Brittany</div>
|-
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" |'''Richter 15'''
| rowspan="3" |''"What if a Richter magnitude 15 earthquake were to hit America at, let's say, New York City? What about a Richter 20? 25?"''
<div align="right">—Alec Farid</div>
| rowspan="3" |A magnitude 15 earthquake would destroy the Earth, but going higher won't make much difference. You can actually go lower than 0, though.
| rowspan="3" |
| rowspan="3" {{book|1|69}}
|{{book|2|2023|12|05|e3uk7jU3RHo|What would a magnitude 15 earthquake be like?}}
|-
|{{book|1|short-video=yes|2025|06|24|wBLVmEZV2Oc|How high could the magnitude of Earthquakes go?}}
|-
|{{book|2|short-video=yes|2025|07|01|FKXVs4UteSc|Is there such a thing as a magnitude 0 earthquake?}}
|-
|
|'''Soupiter'''
|''"What would happen if the Solar System was filled with soup out to Jupiter?"''
<div align="right">—Amelia</div>
|The soup would collapse into a very large black hole and devour the Milky Way, though we would feel mostly fine for the first 10 to 15 minutes.
|
|{{book|2|1}}
|
|-
|
|'''Helicopter Ride'''
|''"What if you were hanging on a helicopter blade by your hands and then someone turned it on?"''
<div align="right">—Corban Blanset</div>
|Without any grip assistance, you'd fall off before it completed its first revolution. With handholds, your body would instead fall off of your arms. Assuming no issues with staying on the wing, there would be more problems to follow. The helicopter, as it spooled up, would begin violently wobbling due to the constantly changing center of gravity before flipping itself, destroying both you and the pilot in a massive fireball.
|
|{{book|2|2}}
|
|-
|
|'''Dangerously Cold'''
|''"Would there be any danger from standing next to a large object that was 0 Kelvin?"''
<div align="right">—Christopher</div>
|There wouldn't be a lot of direct danger from the cube itself, though it would make you feel cold. The bigger danger would be from liquid oxygen condensing and igniting flammable objects. It would take a while to reheat the cube
|
|{{book|2|3}}
|
|-
|
|'''Ironic Vaporization'''
|''"What if we somehow evaporated a solid block of iron on {{asic|ear|th''}}''?"''
<div align="right">—Cooper C.</div>
|The cube would ignite whatever is near it and deposit large quantities of iron flakes downwind. However, it wouldn't make a huge impact on the total amount of atmospheric iron.
|
|{{book|2|4}}
|
|-
|
|'''Cosmic Road Trip'''
|''"If the universe stopped expanding right now, how long would it take for a human to drive a car all the way to the edge of the universe?"''
<div align="right">—Sam H-H</div>
|First off, a human can't do this. Assuming a normal crash rate, an average human driver wouldn't make it past Mars without crashing. Even truck drivers, a field where the crash rate is much lower, wouldn't make it past Jupiter. Using a self-driving car, however, would negate this. It would take an incredibly long time, on the order of approximately 480 quadrillion years if you're driving at a steady pace of 65 miles per hour. Assuming you want to keep your car functional, you would go through 30 quintillion oil changes. Assuming a reasonable 33 MPG highway mileage, the amount of gasoline needed would be similar to the Moon in size. You would also need 10^17 tons of snacks. Entertainment would be another issue. If every person who has ever lived had 150 friends/acquaintances, listening to a real-time podcast of someone's life, all from the perspective of a different friend/acquaintance, you would need to re-watch them all 150 times to make it to the edge of the observable universe. Once you get there, there would be no Earth to come back to.
|
|{{book|2|5}}
|
|-
|
|'''Pigeon Chair'''
|''"How many pigeons would it require in order to lift the average person and launch a chair to the height of Australia's Q1 skyscraper?"''
<div align="right">—Nick Evans</div>
|The optimal method for using the least amount of pigeons would be to use a multi-stage system of sorts. A group of pigeons would lift you about 10 feet, before dropping you as another group swoops in to take their place. However, even with this system, the number of pigeons would be large enough that the Earth would be pulled into the pigeons by gravity instead of the other way around. In other words, if you want to get to the top of Australia's Q1 skyscraper, use an elevator.
|
|{{book|2|6}}
|
|-
|rowspan="11"|
|rowspan="11"|'''Short Answers #1'''
|''"What if your blood became liquid uranium? Would you die from radiation, lack of oxygen, or something else?"''
<div align="right">—Thomas Chattaway</div>
|You would die Having-no-Blood-and-Being-Full-of-Molten-Uranium Syndrome. Also known as Jeff's Disease.
|rowspan="11"|
|rowspan="11"{{book|2|6.5}} (S1)
|rowspan="11"|
|-
|''"Could someone have an anime-style attack where they created a sword out of air? I'm not talking about an air blade, but something like cooling the air enough so that you had solid air to attack people."''
<div align="right">—Emma</div>
|Theoretically yes, but it would be extremely impractical. The temperature to turn oxygen solid is very low, and even with proper insulation it would still cause frostbite. It would also be very weak and very soft, and would sublimate quickly, basically making it useless for all intensive purposes, except for PR.
|-
|''"How much water do you have to drink to become 99 percent water?"''
<div align="right">—LyraxH</div>
|About 500 gallons of water.
|-
|''"What would we see if we attached a lightweight camera to a balloon and let it fly away?"''
<div align="right">—Raymond Peng</div>
|We would see a balloon slowly flying away, fading into the sky. It would be quite pretty. Though next time we should probably attach a transmitter.
|-
|''"How many calories does Mario burn a day?"''
<div align="right">—Daniel and Xavier Hovley</div>
|Mario starved to death in late 1985.
|-
|''"If a snake unhinged its jaw and swallowed a balloon whole, could/would the balloon carry the snake up?"''
<div align="right">—Freezachu</div>
|No.
|-
|''"If you were to jump out of an airplane that was traveling at Mach 880980 that was 100,00 feet above ground in New York City, with skydiving gear, could you survive?"''
<div align="right">—Jack Catten</div>
|rowspan="2"|No, you would die.
|-
|''"If there was no water on Earth, would we all live?"''
<div align="right">—Karen</div>
|-
|''"Is it possible to make a homemade jetpack?"''
<div align="right">—Azhari Zadil</div>
|It's very easy to make one that works once; much harder to make it work more.
|-
|''"I was wondering whether there's a way to use my welder as a defibrillator? (The specific model I own is an Impax IM-ARC140 arc welder.)"''
<div align="right">—Łukasz Grabowski</div>
|No, and you probably shouldn't be allowed to use it as an arc welder either.
|-
|''"What if all atoms on Earth were expanded to the size of a grape? Would we survive?
|I don't know how to answer this with science, but now I want grapes.
|-
|
|'''Geyser'''
|''"If one were to stand on top of the Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone National Park, at what speed would they be launched upwards and what injuries would they likely sustain?"''
<div align="right">—Catherine McGrath</div>
|If you positioned yourself in just the right way, and used an umbrella to catch as much lift as possible, you could be launched hundreds of feet in the air. Unsurprisingly, you'd receive severe burns and almost certainly die. Surprisingly, however, you would be far from the first person to get severe burns from the geysers.
|
|{{book|2|8}}
|
|-
|
|'''Pew, Pew, Pew'''
|''"If you shot a ridiculously powerful gun/{{asic|la|zer''}}'' would it go off the edge of the world in a straight line or curve around the world?"''
<div align="right">—Maelor</div>
|The beam would go off the edge of the world, except under certain circumstances.
|
|{{book|2|9}}
|
|-
|rowspan="4"|
|rowspan="4"|'''Weird & Worrying #1'''
|colspan="2"|''"Can bees or other animals go to hell? Or can they murder other bees without consequences?"''
<div align="right">—Sadie Kim</div>
|rowspan="4"|
|rowspan="4"{{book|2|10.5}} (W1)
|rowspan="4"|
|-
|colspan="2"|''"How many mirrors reflecting (sun)light would it take to kill, or at least, injure somebody?"''
<div align="right">—Eli Collinge</div>
|-
|colspan="2"|''"If you had to remove the tonsils of a giant, what would be the safest way for you to do it? The surgeon is a normal human."''
<div align="right">—Tirzah</div>
|-
|colspan="2"|''"What would it take to defeat Air Force One with a drone???"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|-
|
|'''Banana Church'''
|''"Can all the world's bananas fit inside of all of the world's churches? My friends have had this argument for a little over 10 years now."''
<div align="right">—Jonas</div>
|<big><big>{{notice2|'''Most of these are too short!'''}}</big></big> <big><big>{{notice|'''If you own the second book, please help us by explaining more!'''}}</big></big> Yes. They would likely only fill the churches to 6 inches deep. For the bananas to be unable to fit, each person would need to eat a 1 foot by 1 foot by 2 meter crate's worth of bananas per year.
|
|{{book|2|11}}
|
|-
|
|'''Lose Weight the Slow and Incredibly Difficult Way'''
|''"I want to lose 20 pounds. How much of the Earth's mass would I have to "relocate" to space in order to achieve my goal?"''
<div align="right">—Ryan Murphy</div>
|You would have to remove 85% of the Earth's mass. However, due to the increase in density in the mantle, you would actually gain weight until you've removed about half the Earth's diameter. An image of what it would look like is shown in [[2575: What If? 2]], where a potato peeler is used to remove the crust of the Earth.
|
|{{book|2|13}}
|
|-
|
|'''Jupiter Comes to Town'''
|''"Dear Randall, what would happen if you shrunk Jupiter down to the size of a house and placed in a neighborhood, say, replacing a house?"''
<div align="right">—Zachary</div>
|Assuming density stayed the same when you shrunk Jupiter down, the biggest issue would be that the gravity that keeps its hot interior together would no longer exist, essentially creating a giant fireball that would turn into a mushroom cloud, and eventually spread out into a big cool cloud. This would, effectively, be the reverse of the formation of Jupiter, which started as clouds before being compressed into a small hot ball.
|
|{{book|2|15}}
|
|-
|
|'''Swing Set'''
|''"How tall can a swing set be while still being powered by a human pumping their legs? Is it possible to build a swing set tall enough to launch the rider into space if they jump at the right time? (Assuming the human has enough energy, which my 5-year-old seems to have.)"''
<div align="right">—Joe Coyle</div>
|This is impossible due to the fact that, by pumping the legs, you are essentially pushing against the crossbar of the swing set. A string which is too long will result in a very low amount of force being delivered to the crossbar, lowering the maximum angle you can swing relative to the base of the curve. Calculations show that the optimal crossbar height to gain the most angle relative to the ground is approximately 8 feet.
|
|{{book|2|17}}
|
|-
|
|'''Airliner Catapult'''
|''"My friend is a commercial airline pilot. She says that a significant amount of fuel is spent on takeoff. To save fuel, why couldn't we launch airplanes using catapult systems like on aircraft carriers (calibrated to normal human accelerations)? Could significant amounts of fossil fuels be saved if the catapults could be run by some other clean energy? I'm imagining a rope ... one end tied to the airplane, the other tied to a large boulder at the edge of a cliff. Just push the boulder off the cliff!"''
<div align="right">—Brady Barkey</div>
|It's not a completely ridiculous idea, but the most practical issue is that you'd have to extend the roughly mile-long runway several times more to take full advantage of it. Using the proposed rope-and-cliff system, you'd need to use a thousand ton weight dropped at the height of a super tall skyscraper - of course, if you used something heavier, like the 80,000-ton Washington Monument, you wouldn't need to drop it as far.
|
|{{book|2|18}}
|
|-
|rowspan="14"|
|rowspan="14"|'''Short Answers #2'''
|''"Billy the Clown is running out of cash, so in order to raise money, he devises his newest trick: He will inflate, by mouth, a standard-size party balloon until the material (some form of indestructible rubber) is just one atom thick. How large would the inflated party balloon be?"''
<div align="right">—Alan Fong</div>
|It's a total mystery why Billy is running out of cash.
|rowspan="14"|
|rowspan="14"{{book|2|18.5}} (S2)
|rowspan="14"|
|-
|''"How many leaf blowers would it take to move a standard SUV"''
<div align="right">—Ashley H.</div>
|Somewhere around 1-2 dozen leaf blowers would do the trick. However, it would be very impractical, consume a lot of fuel, and the acceleration would be very slow. Many more leaf blowers would be needed to accelerate the car at a reasonable rate.
|-
|''"If you put a vacuum at extremely high suction and aimed it at a normal BMW sedan, what would happen?"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|Nothing. Cars, even small ones like sedans, are far too large and heavy to be affected by a vacuum, even a very large and powerful one.
|-
|''"On a warm summer evening, when you sit outside with a light on, you can be sure that bugs will be attracted to the light. Then why is it that these same bugs don't fly toward the biggest and strongest lamp of them all, namely the Sun, during the day?"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|Those who did would die and not be able to produce offspring with the same traits.
|-
|''"If you collected all of the guns in the world and put them on one side of the Earth, then shot the all simultaneously, would it move the Earth?"''
<div align="right">—Nathan</div>
|It would not move the Earth, but it would make the other side a nicer place to live.
|-
|''"What would happen if you microwaved a small microwave, while the smaller one was on as well?"''
<div align="right">—Micheal</div>
|Randall gave the meme answer of 'You would no longer be welcome in that IKEA.' In reality, this would almost certainly lead to some dire consequences. Microwaves contain sensitive electronics which would be damaged from excess heat{{cn}}, leaving the microwave functionally useless. Most microwaves are also made of metal, which is known for exploding when exposed to microwaves. This is the same principle that causes forks to explode when placed in one.
|-
|''"If you're jumping on a trampoline, how fast would your body have to be going to:<br>'''A.''' Break all bones on impact<br>'''B.''' Make your body go though the tiny holes of the mesh."''
<div align="right">—Micah Lane</div>
|<ol style="list-style-type: upper-alpha">
<li>Breaking all of the bones in your body would be hard because a lot of them are very small, but it would be fast enough that the trampoline wouldn't make much of a difference.</li>
<li>This can't happen, no matter how fast you're going.</li>
</ol>
|-
|''"I have a Nothing Grenade™. When detonated, it instantly replaces itself with a sphere of perfect vacuum 2 meters across. What would actually happen when it went off?"''
<div align="right">—Dave H.</div>
|As the two-meter vacuum circle appeared, the surrounding air would rapidly fill in the sudden gap. Almost instantaneously, the air would collide and expand out with enough force to possibly kill a human and damage small structures such as bookshelves or walls. In other words, you basically have a regular grenade.
|-
|''"Is space hot or cold?"''
<div align="right">—Isaac</div>
|The answer to this is complicated. Temperature is a measurement of the speed of particles. In space, having no air resistance, particles move incredibly fast. However, because it's a vacuum, there are almost no particles. This is a similar principle to the reason you don't get burned when welding sparks touch your skin. They're so small they do basically nothing to you. As there are almost no particles to impact you, space is the hottest place you can freeze to death.
|-
|''"How many bones can you remove from the human body while allowing the human to continue living? Asking for a friend."''
<div align="right">—Chris Rakeman</div>
|That person is not your friend.
|-
|''"What would happen if you put a human under a g-force of 417 Gs for twenty seconds?"''
<div align="right">—Nythill</div>
|The human is guaranteed to die. Scientific tests have shown that, despite the human body's ability to withstand g-forces into the hundreds for very short periods of time (a car crash may exceed 100 Gs of force), going over 18 Gs for a long period of time is likely to cause the human to black out and quickly die, as the force would prevent blood from being able to flow through a human body properly. This is the same reason why bugs are unable to move after hitting a car on the highway, even if they survive.
|-
|''"Where or how can one commit a murder and not be prosecuted for it?"''
<div align="right">—Kunai Dhawan</div>
|Theoretically, in a section of Yellowstone National Park, where {{w|Zone of Death (Yellowstone)|a jury would have to be formed from a non-existent population}}. In practice, you'd definitely still be prosecuted for committing a murder there.
|-
|''"I read today that insects make at least $57 billion a year for the US economy. If we were to pay every single insect in the United States equally for their economic contribution, how much would each insect get?"''
<div align="right">—Hannah McDonald</div>
|Each insect would get $0.0000029.
Broken down:
*$18 billion to flies, including mosquitoes
*$16 billion to bees, wasps, and ants
*$10 billion to beetles
*$7 billion to thrips
*$1 billion to butterflies and moths
*$1 billion to true bugs
*$4 billion to all other insects
|-
|''"What, in today's world and yesterday's world, does it mean to be human, in all social and biological factors?"''
<div align="right">—Seth Carrol</div>
|You meant to submit this to ''Why If?: Deeply Ungrammatical Answers to Unanswerable Philosophical Questions''.
|-
|
|'''Slow Dinosaur Apocalypse'''
|''"What if an object like the Chicxulub impactor hit earth with a relatively low relative speed of (let's say) 3 mph"''
<div align="right">—Beni von Alemann</div>
|Even though the meteor is slow, it's still very big. The impactor would not create a crater, but would instead create a weird effect which makes the rock flow like water, creating a large "space dirt pancake" about the same diameter as the Chicxulub impact Crater. If {{w|Jurassic Park}} were a real place, it could certainly cause a dinosaur extinction over there, if dropped on it.
|
|{{book|2|19}}
|
|-
|
|'''Elemental Worlds'''
|''"What if Mercury (the planet) were entirely made of mercury (the element)? What if Ceres was made of cerium? Uranus made of uranium? Neptune made of neptunium? What about Pluto made of plutonium?"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|Earth would (mostly) be fine. Mercury, uranium, neptunium, plutonium, and cerium would all replace the old planets. Changes are as follows:
*Pluto would be visible to the naked eye
*Ceres would be visible to the naked eye
*Mercury would be visible to the naked eye
*Uranus would look a fairly bight star in the night sky
*''When Neptune hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's an x-ray..''
|
|{{book|2|20}}
| 
|-
|
|'''Tire Rubber'''
|''"Rubber tires on millions of cars and trucks start with about ½" tread and end up bald. Rubber should be everywhere, or at least our highways should be made thicker. Where's the rubber?"''
<div align="right">—Fred</div>
|An average tire sheds about 1.6 liters of rubber over the course of its lifetime (from new to bald). If all tire rubber stuck to the road, it would rise by about a third of a millimeter per year. However, most tire rubber shavings are small enough to drift through the air, or for rain and wind to wash them off the road. Tire rubber is more than enough to cause environmental disruption and it's one of the leading causes of microplastics in our oceans.
|
|{{book|2|25}}
|
|-
|rowspan="10"|
|rowspan="10"|'''Short Answers #3'''
|''"How long do you think two people would have to kiss continuously before they had no lips left?"''
<div align="right">—Asli</div>
|That's not how lips work
|rowspan="10"|
|rowspan="10"{{book|2|26.5}} (S3)
|rowspan="10"|
|-
|''"My college friend and I have had this debate for years now: If you put a million hungry ants in a glass cube with one human, who's more likely to walk out alive?"''
<div align="right">—Eric Bowman</div>
|The human would try to break out of the cube, and probably succeed. Although disgusted, the human would probably be fine. Ants generally do not eat meat, preferring leaves and other foliage. If they escaped, both the human and the ants would go after the person who put them in the glass box. If they did not escape, both the human and the ants would eventually die of suffocation, assuming no air holes were installed.
|-
|''"What if all of humanity set all of their differences aside and work together to level out the Earth into a perfect sphere?"''
<div align="right">—Erik Andersen</div>
|This would quickly create new differences. Even if some magical force were employed to keep humanity centered on making the earth a perfect sphere, it would take many years and be almost impossible to do. Because the Earth is an oblate spheroid, and not a sphere as-is, a lot of land would need to be displaced in order to create a perfect sphere. There would need to be somewhere to put all the water in the oceans, which would need to be removed, and a way to move large amounts of land very long distances. Many cities would be buried, such as Amsterdam (average elevation -6.6').
|-
|''"People talk a lot about a space elevator or a building that would reach into low orbit to save time and resources getting things into space. This is going to sound incredibly stupid, but why has no one proposed building a road into space? Since orbit is generally considered to be 62 miles out, would it be possible to build a 62-mile-high mountain somewhere in the United States? Colorado would be my suggestion, since it has a low population density and is about a mile above sea level already."''
<div align="right">—Brian</div>
|Where are you going to get the materials to build the mountain? Also, Colorado has a lot of people in it.
|-
|''"If I shot a rocket and a bullet through Jupiter's center, would they come out the other side?"''
<div align="right">—James Wilson</div>
|No, as the leading theory is that Jupiter has a solid core. Shooting a bullet through the center would simply cause the bullet to collide with the core of the planet.
|-
|''"What if Mount Everest magically turned into pure lava? What would happen to life; would we all die?"''
<div align="right">—Ian</div>
|We would mostly be okay.
|-
|''"Can you fall down into the Mariana Trench, or would you just swim over it?"''
<div align="right">—Rodolfo Estrella</div>
|You can do both of those things. Assuming what he was trying to say was "Can you swim over the Marianas Trench without falling into it?" the answer is that you would just swim directly over it.
|-
|''"I play Dungeons & Dragons, and my DM doesn't want to let us use the Gust of Wind spell to push wind into the sails of a ship and make it move. Her argument is that you can't use this spell to move a ship because someone on a sailboat can't aim a fan at the sail to propel the boat. We argue that since the spell doesn't push you backward when you use it, then we should be able to use it to make the ship sail. She says she'll allow it only if you say so."''
<div align="right">—Georgia Paterson and Allison Adams</div>
|Since the spell doesn't push you backwards, it should work. If the spell pushed you backwards, you would just have to aim the spell backwards.
|-
|''"What if I struck a match on Titan? Would it light if there's no oxygen?"''
<div align="right">—Ethan Fitzgibbon</div>
| While the match would light initially due to the small amount of oxidizer in a matchhead (typically {{w|potassium chlorate}}, in a safety match), it would quickly dissipate due to the lack of oxygen to titan's atmosphere.
|-
|''"I posted a question on social media asking what would be the smallest change that would create the biggest disaster. One of the responses I got said "if every atom gained 1 proton." So my question for you is, what would happen if every atom gained 1 proton?"''
<div align="right">—Olivia Caputo</div>
|The Earth would become one big, very explosive science experiment. Stable atoms would become unstable, releasing large amounts of energy all at once. Brain matter would cease to be brain matter, and cells would no longer be cells. This would lead to everything dying at once. At least we wouldn't need to experience it.
|-
|
|'''Suction Aquarium'''
|''"When I was a child, I discovered that if I took a container into the swimming pool, I could fill it with water and then bring the container (open-end down) to the surface of the water, and the water level in my container was higher than the water level in the pool. What would happen if you tried to do this with a giant container and the ocean? Could you create a giant aquarium on top of the water that the animals could swim in and out of freely? Maybe an irregularly shaped container that you would walk around on to get closer to the fish?"''
<div align="right">—Caroline Collett</div>
|It would work, but the water level would slowly lower back to sea level over time. However, this process can be accelerated by whale farts. I am not joking.
|
|{{book|2|27}}
|
|-
|
|'''Earth Eye'''
|''"If the Earth were a massive eye, how far would it see?"''
<div align="right">—Alasdir</div>
|Its 'resolution' would be over 500 million times better than a normal human eye. It would be able to see the color of a shirt worn on Mars. It could also see incredibly far objects, such as some of the most distant galaxies that haven't been {{w|redshift}}ed to the point of being infrared. However, a planet-sized eye would be inconvenient, as it would certainly go blind from the Sun and could be damaged from nearby stars as well.
|
|{{book|2|28}}
|
|-
|
|'''Build Rome in a Day'''
|''"How many people would it take to build Rome in a day?"''
<div align="right">—Lauren</div>
| It would take anywhere between 15 minutes and 150 minutes with the whole Earth working.
|
|{{book|2|29}}
|
|-
|
|'''Mariana Trench Tube'''
|''"If I put an indestructible 20-meter-wide glass tube in the ocean that goes all the way down to the deepest part of the ocean, what would it be like to stand at the bottom? Assuming the sun goes directly overhead."''
<div align="right">—Zoki Čulo</div>
|You would likely see many new and undiscovered species. You would also be incredibly cold as the freezing waters of the deep would cool the glass. Getting up would be another problem entirely. If you didn't use an elevator, you could break the glass. That would create a geyser, accelerating you upwards at lethal G-forces. Once you reach the surface, you would fly high into the air before crashing back down into the ocean. Also, you would be heralded as a hero by a lot of marine biologists.
|
|{{book|2|30}}
|
|-
|
|'''MRI Compass'''
|''"Why don't compasses point toward the nearest hospital because of the magnetic fields created by MRI machines?"''
<div align="right">—D. Hughes</div>
|They actually do, but only within ~10 meters.
|
|{{book|2|32}}
|
|-
|
|'''Ancestor Fraction'''
|''"I noticed recently that the number of people within a family tree increases exponentially with each generation: I have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grandparents, and so on. Which got me thinking—are most people descended from the majority of Homo sapiens who have ever lived? If not, what fraction of all the people that have ever lived am I descended from?"''
<div align="right">—Seamus</div>
|Likely between 2-3 twenty-fourths of all humans who have ever lived.
|
|{{book|2|33}}
|
|-
|
|'''Bird Car'''
|''"I'm a lowly college student stuck in a car without AC. As such, the windows are down most of the time when I'm driving, and I started thinking: If a bird happens to match my speed and direction perfectly, and I swerve to catch the bird in my car ... what happens next, other than an angry bird? Does the bird stay right where it was? Fly into the windshield? Drop into the seat? My roommate and I disagree. Any help settling this would really make all our lives easier."''
<div align="right">—Hunter W.</div>
| The bird would fall onto the seat at an angle, and then would fly out of the window (hopefully).
|
|{{book|2|34}}
|
|-
|rowspan="4"|
|rowspan="4"|'''Weird & Worrying #2'''
|colspan="2"|''"What would happen if you put the end of a vacuum hose up to your eye and turned on the vacuum?"''
<div align="right">—Kitty Greer</div>
|rowspan="4"|
|rowspan="4"{{book|2|35.5}} (W2)
|rowspan="4"|
|-
|colspan="2"|''"Is it possible to hold your arm straight out of a car window and punch a mailbox clean off its pole? Could you do it without breaking your hand?"''
<div align="right">—Ty Gwennap</div>
|-
|colspan="2"|''"If people's teeth kept growing, but when they were fully grown they come off and are swallowed, how long would it take before it causes any problems?"''
<div align="right">—Valen M.</div>
|-
|colspan="2"|''"In a defensive situation, how much epinephrine (in a EpiPen) would it take to subdue a possible attacker?"''
<div align="right">—Henry M.</div>
|-
|
|'''Vacuum Tube Smartphone'''
|''"What if my phone was based on vacuum tubes? How big would it be?"''
<div align="right">—Johnny</div>
| The phone would be about the size of one to five city blocks, and would melt its way through the Earth's crust. Conversely, the UNIVAC constructed with modern electrical components would be smaller than a grain of salt.
|
|{{book|2|36}}
|
|-
|
|'''Eat a Cloud'''
|''"Could a person eat a whole cloud?"''
<div align="right">—Tak</div>
|Not unless you can squeeze the air out first. If you don't you will burp out more cloud than you ate.
|
|{{book|2|38}}
|
|-
|
|'''Tall Sunsets'''
|''"Let's say that two people of different heights (159 cm and 206 cm) stand beside each other while looking at the sunset. How much longer will the taller person be able to see the sun than the shorter one?"''
<div align="right">—Rasmus Bunde Nielson</div>
|Over a second longer.
|
|{{book|2|39}}
|
|-
|
|'''Sisyphean Refrigerators'''
|''"Suppose everyone with a fridge or a freezer opened them at the same time, outdoors. Would that amount of cooling be able to noticeably change the temperature? If not, how many fridges would it take to lower the temperature, say, 5 degrees F? What about even lower?"''
<div align="right">—Nicholas Mittica</div>
|Refrigerators don't work like that, and would likely increase global temperatures by 0.3 degrees celsius. The infinite spite of Hades is surprisingly green.
|
|{{book|2|41}}
|
|-
|
|'''Basketball Earth'''
|''"You know how when you spin a basketball on your finger you hit the side to make it go faster and balance it? If a meteor passes close enough to the earth, can it make the Earth spin faster like your hand does the basketball?"''
<div align="right">—Zayne Freshley</div>
|Yes.
|
|{{book|2|43}}
|
|- 
|
|'''Inhale a Person'''
|''"If house dust comprises up to 80 percent dead skin, how many people worth of skin does a person consume/inhale in a lifetime?"''
<div align="right">—Greg</div>
|You could inhale at most 3 gallons of human skin in a lifetime, and dust is not mostly dead skin. Instead it is a cursed salad of soil, pollen, cotton fibers, crumbs, powdered sugar, glitter, pet hair and dander, plastic, soot, human or animal hair, flour, glass, smoke, mites, and various miscellaneous gunk.
|
|{{book|2|45}}
|
|-
|
|'''Candy Crush Lightning'''
|''"How many Wint-O-Green Life Savers would it take to create a life-size lightning bolt if you crushed them"''
<div align="right">—Violet M.</div>
|Billions
|
|{{book|2|46}}
|
|-
|rowspan="13"|
|rowspan="13"|'''Short Answers #4'''
|''"Can humans safely eat rabid creatures?"''
<div align="right">—Winston</div>
|No.
|rowspan="13"|
|rowspan="13"{{book|2|46.5}} (S4)
|rowspan="13"|
|-
|''"What if the Earth's core suddenly stopped producing heat?"''
<div align="right">—Laura</div>
|We would be mostly fine. While one may picture a scenario similar to ''The Core'', the difference would only be noticed long after you're gone, so you don't really need to worry about it :)
|-
|''"Could humanity, with our current technology, destroy the Moon?"''
<div align="right">—Tyler</div>
|No.
|-
|''"Can global warming cause the Earth's magnetic fields to weaken?"''
<div align="right">—Pavaki</div>
|No.
|-
|''"If you used a laser, would you be able to bake something?"''
<div align="right">—Andrew Liu</div>
|Yes.
|-
|''"What if Earth was sliced in half, like an apple? Where should you be such that you have the best chance of survival?"''
<div align="right">—Anonymous</div>
|You should be holding the object that's slicing the Earth.
|-
|''"What would happen if a person dropped into a pool full of jellyfish?"''
<div align="right">—Lorenzo Belotti</div>
|It depends on the species.
|-
|''"Would it be possible to make a house floor into a massive air hockey table, so you could move heavy furniture across the room?"''
<div align="right">—Jacob Wood</div>
|Yes, and now I know what my next home improvement project will be.
|-
|''"My 7-year-old son asked us over dinner recently at which point potatoes melt (I assume in a vacuum). Please advise."''
<div align="right">—Steffen</div>
|Potatoes don't really melt at any temperature. Also, do you automatically add 'in a vacuum' to anything your son says?
|-
|''"Would a pigeon be able to make it to space if it was not affected by gravity?"''
<div align="right">—Nick Evans</div>
|No. The air in the upper atmosphere is too thin to breathe and too cold
|-
|''"If you were flying blind through the Milky Way what would be the odds of hitting a star or planet?"''
<div align="right">—David</div>
|If you flew edge-on, it would be about 1 in 10 billion.
|-
|''"On various bodies in our Solar System (feel free to group any that are equivalent), roughly how long could you survive on the surface (for gas giants, assume you are on a magical platform at some point in the atmosphere that you could reasonably treat as the surface) with nothing but an infinite air supply and warm winter clothing? That is, no helmet, no pressure suit, just a nose-and-mouth air mask attached to a magic air generator, and clothing that would be suitable for, say, Chicago in winter. (No cute tricks like using the magic air supply to generate heat or whatever.)"''
<div align="right">—Melissa Trible</div>
|
*Earth: 100-ish years
*Venus: Weeks to months
*Everywhere else: Minutes to hours
Venus would be great if it weren't for the sulfuric acid.
|-
|''"What would happen if someone dropped an anvil on you from space?"''
<div align="right">—Sam Stiehl</div>
|About the same as if someone dropped an anvil on you from a building.
|-
|
|'''Toasty Warm'''
|''"What if I want to heat my house using toasters. How many do I need?"''
<div align="right">—Peter Ahlström</div>
|Not many, because the house would quickly catch on fire.
|
|{{book|2|47}}
|
|-
|
|'''Eyeball'''
|''"If I pulled out my eyeball and aimed it so that it was looking into my other eyeball, what would I see (assuming the nerves and veins remain undamaged)"''
<div align="right">—Lenka</div>
|You would see an eye superimposed with your head and the background of the room overlapping.
|
|{{book|2|49}}
|
|-
|
|'''Japan Runs an Errand'''
|''"If ALL of Japan's islands disappear, would it affect Earth's natural phenomena (plates, oceans, hurricanes, climate, and so on)?"''
<div align="right">—Miyu Uchida</div>
|Yes, it most certainly would. The sea of Japan would mix with the Pacific ocean now that the wall that separated them is gone. This would cause unpredictable changes to those currents, affecting many life forms who live in that area. Japan, though being small, weighs quite a lot, and the sudden removal of all that weight would cause massive shifts in ocean levels. Depending on the region, some sea levels would rise/fall by up to a foot, causing mass panic for cities that now have a sudden risk of flooding at a moment's notice. Tsunamis would devastate the Korean Peninsula, Hawaii, and the west coast of America.
|
|{{book|2|50}}
|
|-
|
|'''Read All the Laws'''
|''"If a person wanted to read all of the governing documents that apply to them—from the federal and state constitutions, treaties, agency-issued regulations, federal and state laws, local ordinances, etc.—how many pages would they have to read?"''
<div align="right">—Keith Yearman</div>
|Between 145000 and 12.3 million pages.
|
|{{book|2|52}}
|
|-
|rowspan="3"|
|rowspan="3"|'''Weird & Worrying #3'''
|colspan="2"|''"If I were to jump into a container of liquid nitrogen (or dispose of a body that way), how deep would it have to be for me/them to shatter into frozen pieces at the bottom?"''
<div align="right">—Stella Wohnig</div>
|rowspan="3"|
|rowspan="3"{{book|2|52.5}} (W3)
|rowspan="3"|
|-
|colspan="2"|''"What would happen to you if a colony of ants suddenly appeared in you bloodstream all at once?"''
<div align="right">—Matt, on behalf of Declan</div>
|-
|colspan="2"|''"If Harry Potter forgets where the invisible entrance to Platform 9¾ is, how long would he have to crash into walls randomly before discovering it?"''
<div align="right">—Max Planker</div>
|-
|
|'''Snowball'''
|''"What if I tried to roll a snowball from the top of Mount Everest? How big would the snowball be by the time it reached the bottom and how long would it take?"''
<div align="right">—Michaeline Yates</div>
|It would remain about the same size, or it could cause an avalanche. Since the peak of {{w|Mount Everest}} is above the clouds, it is very dry there. For a snowball to grow, wet snow is required. The result would be similar to rolling a hamburger down.
|
|{{book|2|54}}
|
|-
|
|'''Walking Backward in Time'''
|''"What if you decided to walk from Austin, Texas, to New York City, but every step takes you back thirty days?"''
<div align="right">—Jojo Yawson</div>
| The sky would flicker at 50 Hz, and you would arrive around 300,000 years in the past.
|
|{{book|2|56}}
|
|-
|
|'''Ammonia Tube'''
|''"What would happen if you fed ammonia into your stomach through a tube? How fast must the flow rate be to burn your stomach from the heat released? What would the newly created chlorine gas do to your stomach?"''
<div align="right">—Becca</div>
|{{w|Ammonia}} is an {{w|EPA list of extremely hazardous substances|extremely hazardous substance}} and pumping it into your abdomen would result in a painful death due to ammonia toxicity. However, at the very least, some of it would be neutralized with your stomach acid.
|
|{{book|2|57}}
|
|-
|rowspan="7"|
|rowspan="7"|'''Short Answers #5'''
|''"Could life evolve in a constantly running microwave?"''
<div align="right">—Abby Doth</div>
|No.
|rowspan="7"|
|rowspan="7"{{book|2|58.5}} (S5)
|rowspan="7"|
|-
|''"Tonight at my work as an ER nurse in the emergency room, a patient (high on methamphetamine) asked for a cup of water. I returned with a paper cup of water, which the patient promptly threw at my head, missing me but hitting the wall in such an improbable way that the open top of the cup impacted the wall and the cup contained/diminished most of the subsequent splatter. It occurred to me that it might be possible to throw a cup of water hard enough that the container of water would go through the wall. Is this possible?"''
<div align="right">—Pete</div>
|Anything will go through a wall if you throw it hard enough
|-
|''"How slow would you have to chew in order to be able to infinitely consume breadsticks?"''
<div align="right">—Miller Broughton</div>
|You would have to divide each breadstick into 20 bites, chewing each bite 200 times at 1 chew per second.
|-
|''"If you were somehow to remove the white and yolk from inside an eggshell (chicken), and replace them with helium, would the eggshell float in the air?"''
<div align="right">—Elizabeth</div>
|No. An eggshell weighs more than the air it displaces.
|-
|''"What would stars smell like, if it were possible to smell them?"''
<div align="right">—Finn Ellis</div>
|Due to the free hydrogen molecules floating around in there, it would taste incredibly sour. It would also smell like burning rubber, as stars are made up of the same components.
|-
|''"What is the average size for every man-made object on the planet?"''
<div align="right">—Max Carver</div>
|Not too big, not too small. About average.
|-
|''"E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E<wbr>E"''
<div align="right">—Nate Yu</div>
|I feel you, Nate.
|-
|
|'''Dog Overload'''
|''"Assuming 1 out of every 4 people has a 5-year-old dog, and the dog reproduces once every year, with 5 puppies, and the puppies start reproducing at 5 and stop at 15 and die at 20, how long would it take for the Earth to be flooded with puppies, assuming we have all the food, water, and oxygen to sustain them?"''
<div align="right">—Griffin</div>
|This is unrealistic right from the start. This assumes the total dog population is 2 billion, which is well above current estimates. A timeline of major events and milestones is listed below.
*After one year, there are enough dogs for everyone to have at least one.
*After 5 years, every human has an average of 6 or 7 dogs.
*After 11 years, Disney releases ''101 Dalmations per Capita'', after there are 101 dogs per person
*After 15 years, the first dogs die, but the death is fully insignificant.
*After 20 years, dogs would only be about 1 meter apart on average.
*After 25-30 years, the dogs begin to stack.
*At about 40 years, the exponential growth is "stable". The population is multiplying by about 1.6578 each year.
*After 65 years, the population of dogs reaches 1 mol
*After 110 years, the dogs start to undergo relativistic collapse
*After 150 years, the dogs are bigger than the solar system.
*After 197 years, the expansion of the dog sphere surpasses 1''c''
*After 200 years, the dogs reach sirius.
*After 250 years, the dogs envelop the milky way.
*After 330 years, the dogs reach the edge of the observable universe.
*After 417 years, Disney releases ''10<sup>101</sup> Dalmations.''
|
|{{book|2|60}}
|
|-
|
|'''Sunscreen'''
|''"Assuming that SPF works as it purports, what SPF would you need for a 1-hour trip to the surface of the sun?"''
<div align="right">—Brian and Max Parker</div>
|You would need SPF 3,200,000 or a giant blob of sunscreen. Despite its name, sunscreen only protects against some types of radiation from the Sun. No amount is going to be adequate protection if you are right inside the Sun. Also, sunscreen, being a gel, would evaporate when exposed to vacuum. When exposed to the plasma of the coronal surface or the Sun's interior, it would quickly ionize along with anything inside it, becoming plasma like the rest of the Sun.
|
|{{book|2|62}}
|
|-
|
|'''Walking on the Sun'''
|''"After the Sun runs out of fuel, it will become a white dwarf and slowly cool. When will it be cool enough to touch?"''
<div align="right">—Jabari Garland</div>
|The Sun will cool to room temperature in about 20 billion years. However, getting there to actually touch it is the hard part. The immense gravity the changed star still has would create a major problem for any attempt to land on and touch it. Even the most powerful propoulstion would not be able to escape the pull of the Sun's gravity, making it nigh impossible for any currently theorised craft to reach the Sun and survive, let alone let you touch it 'safely'.
|
|{{book|2|63}}
|
|-
|
|'''Lemon Drops and Gumdrops'''
|''"What if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops?"''
<div align="right">—Shuo Peskoe-Yang</div>
|Replacing all rain in the world would have devastating conseqeunces, especially with such dry candies as lemon drops and gumdrops. The water cycle would be destroyed, arable land would become unusable, and the ocean the would dry up. Humanity would perish in this wasteland-like scenario, probably hopped up on sugar.
|
|{{book|2|64}}
|
|-
|
|'''Bonus Chapter'''
|''"...but what if we tried even ''more'' power?"''
<div align="right">—Randall Munroe</div>
| This is a continuation of {{what if|13|13: Laser Pointer}}. Adding even more power than the end of that article would heat the air so much that the lasers would stop themselves long before reaching the Moon. Even if we managed to get them to hit the Moon, the plasma created would be so hot that it would stop anyway.
|
|{{book|3|70}}
|{{book|19|2024|12|03|jgafb8G7i4o|But what if we tried MORE power?}}
|-
|}<noinclude>

<span id="Editors"><big><big>'''Editors'''</big></big></span> ㅤ ''[[#Article index|(jump back to table)]]''

These templates are used in this table: {{tl|what if}}, {{tl|What If}}, {{tl|book}}, {{tl|blog}}.

<big>'''Add YouTube video'''</big>

<nowiki>{{book|YT-NUMBER|YYYY|MM|DD|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen">'''''<nowiki>HTTPS://LINK</nowiki>'''''</font>|VIDEO-TITLE}}
'''EXAMPLE:''' <nowiki>{{book|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen">'''''2'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''2022'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''12'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''31'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LSyNhb5Y'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''What if everyone pointed a laser at the moon?'''''</font>}}

<big>'''Add book chapter'''</big>

For the first [[What If? (book)|What If? book]]:
<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen">'''''1'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''CHAPTER-NUMBER'''''</font>}}

For the second [[What If? 2]] book:
<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen">'''''2'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''CHAPTER-NUMBER'''''</font>}}

'''EXAMPLE:'''<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen">'''''2'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''69'''''</font>}}

If an article is available exclusively on the third book ([[What If? 10th Anniversary Edition]]) and not in the first two, use this:
<nowiki>{{book|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen">'''''3'''''</font>|<font color="SeaGreen">'''''CHAPTER-NUMBER'''''</font>}}
<big>'''Link to a ''what if?'' article'''</big>

On this wiki, an easy way to link to a given ''what if?'' article is by using the {{Template|what if}} template. Copy and paste the text below, correcting the number and title (highlighted in green) to get this result:

'''EXAMPLE:'''
See the <nowiki>''[[what if? (blog)|what if?]]'' article ''{{what if|</nowiki><font color="SeaGreen"><ins>'''''158'''''</ins></font>|<font color="SeaGreen"><ins>'''''Hot Banana'''''</ins></font>}}<nowiki>''</nowiki>.
'''RESULTS IN:'''
See the ''[[what if? (blog)|what if?]]'' article ''{{what if|158|Hot Banana}}''.

NOTE: Since the blog releases are now random, please write a comment on [[{{LATESTCOMIC}}#Discussion|the newest comic's talk page]] to announce that a new ''what if?'' article is out.

<big>'''Add name of reader who asked the question.'''</big>

Here's how to add the name(s) to any question on the table. For example, this...
<nowiki>|''"What if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops?"''
|Human civilization would collapse, and we would all die.</nowiki>
... becomes this:
<nowiki>|''"What if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops?"''
<div align="right"></nowiki>'''—'''<font color="SeaGreen">'''''InsertNamesHere'''''</font><nowiki></div>
|Human civilization would collapse, and we would all die.</nowiki>
Copy the code and replace the green part! (NOTE: It uses the em-dash, not a normal hyphen, so don't replace the dash, or use <code>&mdash;</code>.) Transcribe it exactly as it is written on the website or book, including parenthesis and age, if given by Randall. '''Protip for desktop users:''' the text looks ALL CAPS on the site, but if you copy and paste it, it's in normal Sentence Case. You can simply copy and paste.

''[[#Article index|(jump back to table)]]''
<span id="bottom"></span>
{| style="border: 1px solid {{{border|gray}}}; background-color: {{{color|#fdffe7}}};"
|rowspan="2" style="vertical-align:middle;" | {{{{{|safesubst:}}}#ifeq:{{{2}}}|alt|[[File:What If Barnstar.jpeg|100px]]|[[File:What If Barnstar.jpeg|100px]]}}
|rowspan="2" |
|style="font-size: x-large; padding: 0; vertical-align: middle; height: 1.1em;" | '''The What If? Project Barnstar'''
|-
|style="vertical-align: middle; border-top: 1px solid gray;" | <div style="font-family: Cormorant Garamond"><span style="font-size:5pt;color:black">

* <span style="background-color:#9eff9e;"><span style="color:green; font-size:1.4em;">''' ✓'''</span><big> '''Added: '''</big></span> All ~140 book-exclusive articles, each color-coded by book; reader question and Randall's answer for almost all ~70 [[What If? 2]]-exclusive articles; EVERY YouTube video and its associated article; over new 130 thumbnails uploaded; new article from [[What If? 10th Anniversary Edition|the new book]] and the [[what if? (blog)#top|deleted article]].

* <span style="background-color:#9eff9e;"><span style="color:green; font-size:1.4em;">''' ✓'''</span><big> '''Changes: '''</big></span> Merged columns No., Release date, and Weeks since last release; every column now easily sortable; columns Blog, Book (new), and YouTube (new) now use {{template|blog}} and {{template|book}} and are color-coded; split ''Short-Answer Sections'' into different cells; title bold and question italics and quoted!

----

Great Job to everyone who helped out on this project! If you helped out explain the articles or build the table, feel free to sign here: '''[[User:42.book.addict|<span style="font-family:Cormorant Garamond;font-size:9pt;color:#A9C6CA">42.book.addict</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:42.book.addict|<span style="font-family:Cormorant Garamond;font-size:6pt;color:#516874">Talk to me!</span>]]</sup>''' 17:44, 14 February 2025 (UTC), [[User:WriterArtistCoder|WriterArtistCoder]]<sup>[[User talk:WriterArtistCoder|talk to me]]</sup> 21:56, 11 March 2025 (UTC), [[User:FaviFake|FaviFake]] ([[User talk:FaviFake|talk]]) 15:53, 12 March 2025 (UTC) --'''''[[User:DollarStoreBa'al |<span style="font-family:Atomic Age;font-size:12pt;color:red;">DollarStoreBa'al</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:DollarStoreBa'al |'''''Converse''''']]</sup>[[DSBContribs |'''''My life choices''''']] 23:30, 14 June 2025 (UTC)

[[Category:What If?| 9]]{{xkcdmeta}}

568: Well 2

2025-10-31T12:52:52Z

Tsuchinoko: Fixed typo

{{comic
| number = 568
| date = April 13, 2009
| title = Well 2
| image = well_2.png
| titletext = But I've made $13.72 already today! Ow, stop throwing pennies.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic follows the original, [[561: Well]]. The average person's lifespan is 80 years now. So, while immortality may become a reality within the coming century, [[Ponytail]] won't live long enough to achieve it. [[Cueball]] is looking for a programming language that does not need him to be specific about his ideas. When humans communicate ideas to other humans they may be vague but still understood, since the listener can infer a lot of detail from context and basic knowledge. Until we start 'raising' compilers (like you would a child) compilers will not possess that feature. Hence the need for the programmer to be exact in communicating his ideas to the compiler. No language will ever be able to change that. Cueball complains that '''he''' knows what he means, perhaps hoping that {{w|DWIM|this is perfectly sufficient}}.

Finally, we find out that one of [[Megan]]'s admirers, Mike, whom she avoids, is hiding in the well. He has been waiting for her to come for her ''uncomfortable truth'', so he can make her believe that she is actually attracted to him. But she is not so easily fooled and calls his bluff, telling him to come out of the well. In [[1608: Hoverboard]], there is also a well in the left part of the world. It has the same type of covered top and, at the bottom, there is a girl with a coin, like the one thrown into a wishing well. Here are the [http://xkcd.com/1608/980:-1077+s.png top] and the [http://xkcd.com/1608/980:-1073+s.png bottom] of the well from [[1608: Hoverboard]].

The title text suggests he might also have been down there for the money everyone is throwing in to the
well to get this uncomfortable truth. So it has never been a working well. When everyone (or just Megan) finds out about this, Mike is bombarded with the all the pennies people have brought along.

==Transcript==
:[Four people are lined up by a covered well, Ponytail in front followed by Cueball, Megan, and Beret Guy (only half of his head is shown). A large sign stands well in front of the well. Ponytail throws in a coin.]
:Well: Science may discover immortality, but it won't happen in the next eighty years.
:Sign: The Uncomfortable Truths Well.

:[Zoom in on the well and Cueball who throws in a coin.]
:Well: You'll never find a programming language that frees you from the burden of clarifying your ideas.
:Cueball: But ''I'' know what I mean!

:[Same zoom in on Megan who throws in a coin.]
:Well: You avoid your friend Mike because you're uncomfortably attracted to him.

:[Megan bend in over the well looking down]
:Megan: Nice try, Mike.
:Megan: Get out of the well.
:Mike (from inside the well): Aww.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics sharing name|Well]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Sarcasm]]
[[Category:Romance]]
[[Category:Programming]]
[[Category:The Uncomfortable Truths Well]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]

561: Well

2025-10-31T12:51:16Z

Tsuchinoko: Fixed typo

{{distinguish|3004: Wells|common=Well}}
{{comic
| number = 561
| date = March 27, 2009
| title = Well
| image = well.png
| titletext = I'll concede ergonomics anecdotally, but none of the studies of Dvorak were at all rigorous (the most-cited Navy study was overseen by Dvorak himself). And the 'slow typists down' thing is a myth. Also EMACS RULES VI DROOLS WOOOOOOO!
}}

==Explanation==
This comic would later be followed by [[568: Well 2]]. Uncomfortable truths are truths that exist, but no one wants to have to think about them. The first is about ''{{w|Firefly (TV Series)|Firefly}}'', the TV series created by {{w|Joss Whedon}} and canceled by {{w|FOX}}, due to poor ratings performance, after {{tvtropes|OutOfOrder|airing the first 13 episodes out-of-order}}. In ''Firefly'', the main languages spoken are English and Chinese (supposedly in equal measure), because China was the only other world power besides America to go to space (Joss Whedon's own explanation on the DVDs). However, there are {{tvtropes|HumansAreWhite|very few actual Asians}} on-screen.

The second is about two different keyboard layouts, QWERTY and Dvorak. One interpretation is that early {{w|typewriter}}s used to jam easily if two keys with mechanically adjacent 'hammers' were struck at about the same time. To work around this, the {{w|QWERTY}} layout, named after the first six letters on its keys, scattered common letter combinations around the keyboard to mitigate this, thus greatly avoiding the problem. The true history is {{w|QWERTY#History|more complicated}}, though jamming was likely amongst the various considerations that led to its final form. Later typewriter mechanisms were less prone to jamming, which prompted a few people to try to create alternative layouts to solve perceived problems with QWERTY's various assumptions, such as {{w|Blickensderfer typewriter|Blickensderfer's DHIATENSOR layout}} in 1892, or the {{w|Dvorak Simplified Keyboard}} in 1932. Such layouts never really caught on; by then, established typists were all very used to the QWERTY layout, and were unwilling to take the time and effort to learn a new one.

In the Dvorak layout, {{w|August Dvorak}} placed the most frequently used keys at the most easily accessible places; Dvorak's advocates claim this reduces typing effort and repetitive strain (as mentioned in the title text) while increasing typing speed and accuracy. However, rigorous, unbiased studies have yet to clearly show significant superiority. (As the title text mentions, the most commonly cited study in Dvorak's favor was overseen by Dvorak himself during his US Navy service in World War II.) This was the second comic to refer to Dvorak after [[554: Not Enough Work]], and since then it has become a [[:Category:Dvorak|recurrent theme]] on xkcd.

The third and fourth truths are connected: they involve the two people receiving them and (presumably) their relationship with each other. Every time [[Cueball]] said "I love you" he never really meant it; whereas [[Megan]] meant it every time she said "I love you". This is very uncomfortable for both! This could also be intentional, since in [[568: Well 2]], a person called Mike (who happens to be a friend of [[Megan]]), is actually hiding inside the well and tells these uncomfortable "truths", he would have intentionally broken Cueball and Megan up to be able to manipulate Megan in the next installment. In [[1608: Hoverboard]], there is also a well in the left part of the world. It has the same type of covered top and, at the bottom, there is a girl with a coin, like the one thrown into a wishing well. Here are the [http://xkcd.com/1608/980:-1077+s.png top] and the [http://xkcd.com/1608/980:-1073+s.png bottom] of the well from [[1608: Hoverboard]].

The title text perpetuates the {{w|Editor war|Emacs vs. vi debate}}. Both {{w|Emacs}} and {{w|Vim (text editor)|Vim}} are text editors that are frequently used as general-language editors of source code. The issue is that, while Emacs is more user-friendly and customizable, vim is more lightweight while needing few keystrokes in text editing. Because of this balance, fans of Emacs and fans of vim end up fighting each other.

==Transcript==
:[A sign sits by a well.]
:The Uncomfortable Truths Well

:[Cueball and Ponytail are lined up for the well; Cueball throws a coin in.]
:Well: For a universe that's supposed to be half Chinese, Firefly sure doesn't have any Asians.

:[The first Cueball is gone, a second Cueball and Megan arrives as a couple lining up behind Ponytail; Ponytail throws a coin in.]
:Well: There's no solid evidence DVORAK's better than QWERTY. The standard histories are urban legends.

:[Just the couple remain; the second Cueball throws another coin in.]
:Well: You've never said "I love you" and meant it. It was always just words.

:[Megan has presumably also thrown a coin in the well. This is not shown as for the first three. Cueball waits for her on the other side of the well.]
:Well: You meant it every time.

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Dvorak]]
[[Category:Sarcasm]]
[[Category:Romance]]
[[Category:Firefly]]
[[Category:Emacs]]
[[Category:The Uncomfortable Truths Well]]

1428: Move Fast and Break Things

2024-02-03T01:59:25Z

Tsuchinoko: /* Explanation */

{{comic
| number = 1428
| date = October 1, 2014
| title = Move Fast and Break Things
| image = move_fast_and_break_things.png
| titletext = I was almost fired from a job driving the hearse in funeral processions, but then the funeral home realized how much business I was creating for them.
}}

==Explanation==
[[Cueball]] appears to be at a job interview, proudly stating his motto to the interviewer [[Ponytail]]. "Move fast and break things" is a saying common in science and engineering industries. In that context, it means that making mistakes is a natural consequence of innovation in a highly competitive and complex environment. In particular, it was adopted by Mark Zuckerberg at Facebook (who even went as far as to say that [https://www.businessinsider.com/mark-zuckerberg-2010-10 'breaking things' is a necessary feature of moving 'fast enough']).

While in software development it is unusual for any great harm to result from breaking things, the jobs listed in the comic are ones where there are serious consequences of mistakes. Some would result in dangerous or deadly situations, while others would just end up with broken packages etc. It's not clear what job Cueball is interviewing for; one suspects it's probably one that belongs in the 'breaking things is bad' group. The results of moving fast and breaking things for the listed jobs might include:

*{{w|FedEx}} driver - Injured/killed pedestrians, collisions with other vehicles, broken & damaged packages
*Crane operator - Damage or destruction of load, dropping loads on people below, damage to crane
*Surgeon - Incorrect operations performed, removing wrong body parts, damaging expensive medical equipment, death of the patient, or in {{w|Robert_Liston#Liston's_most_famous_case|extreme cases}}, the death of assistants and spectators as well
*Air Traffic Controller - Air collisions, travel disruption, chaos
*Pharmacist - Handing out wrong drugs, resulting in illness or death, or destroying them
*Museum Curator - Damage or destruction of items of historical or artistic significance, damage to the museum
*Waiter - Crockery broken, drinks or food spilled on customers, food tipped over people, possible injuries to self and others when hot food is involved
*Dog Walker - Injuring the pet, or preventing it from fulfilling its bodily functions (the major reason for a walk)
*Oil Tanker Captain - Collisions between vessels, or tanker and port, or running aground, leading to oil spills and casualties
*Violinist - Ruining an ensemble's performance by playing too fast (with a higher tempo than fellow musicians), breaking the strings or body of the instrument
*Mars Rover Driver - Breaking an incredibly important vehicle, preventing further exploration, and ruining an extremely expensive mission
*Massage Therapist - Injuring the client, breaking bones and ligaments. Possibly also breaking the seat the client is on, leading to even more costly damages.

The title text posits a morbid scenario where Cueball keeps running over funeral attendees, generating the need for more funerals.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball sits in a chair, leaning back with his arm resting on the back of the chair during a job interview. Ponytail is sitting in a chair behind her desk which is between them.]
:Cueball: My motto is "Move fast and break things."
:[Below the panel follows a list:]
:'''Jobs I've been'''
:'''<u>fired from</u>'''
:Fedex driver
:Crane operator
:Surgeon
:Air traffic controller
:Pharmacist
:Museum curator
:Waiter
:Dog walker
:Oil tanker captain
:Violinist
:Mars rover driver
:Massage therapist

==Trivia==
This comic used to be [https://web.archive.org/web/20211215032205/https://store.xkcd.com/products/move-fast-and-break-things available as a mug] in the xkcd store before it was [[Store|shut down]].

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Mars rovers]]
[[Category:Comics with xkcd store products]]

1520: Degree-Off

2024-02-01T01:12:06Z

Tsuchinoko: Fixed missing bracket

{{comic
| number = 1520
| date = May 4, 2015
| title = Degree-Off
| image = degree off.png
| titletext = I'M SORRY, FROM YOUR YEARS OF CONDESCENDING TOWARD THE 'SQUISHY SCIENCES', I ASSUMED YOU'D BE A LITTLE HARDER.
}}
==Explanation==
[[Cueball]] (physics), [[Hairbun]] (biology), and [[Megan]] (chemistry) appear to be on a talk show stylized as a game show called Degree-Off, hosted by [[Hairy]], where representatives of different fields, try to explain why their field is the best and why to get a degree in their field. The title "Degree-Off" is a portmanteau of "{{w|Academic degree|degree}}", as in the recognized completion of studies at a school or university, and "{{w|face-off}}", a direct confrontation between two people or groups. Since there are three participants, this is not a true face-off, unless Megan, who does not speak, is not counted.

The host asks the physicist Cueball to go first. He light-heartedly begins to tell what appears to be long story, beginning with a {{w|Richard Feynman}} anecdote. During the {{w|Manhattan Project}} in Los Alamos, Richard Feynman got bored because of the isolation and started learning {{w|lock picking}} on the secret documents' safes. Using these new skills, he played lots of pranks on his colleagues, like leaving notes and spooking them into believing there was a spy among them (which, of course, {{w|Klaus_Fuchs|there was}}). He finishes his case with [http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ernest_Rutherford a quote] from {{w|Ernest Rutherford}}, implying that his speech was quite long and winding. The quote communicates the idea that physics is the only fundamental framework, so that the job of chemists, biologists and other scientist simply is to catalog and systematize observations ("collect stamps") on phenomena too complicated to presently be fully described in terms of physics. This idea was earlier lampooned by [[Randall]] in [[435: Purity]] (and is also stated in the title text of [[1158: Rubber Sheet]]).

The biologist goes next, showing with a graph (see below) that the field of biology has helped reduce disease. She then goes on to claim that the heroes in biology (the part known as Medicine) have even "{{w|Eradication_of_infectious_diseases|slain}}" one of the {{w|Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse}}. Different traditions designate the Four Horsemen differently, but it is common for their number to include Plague or Pestilence. Hairbun claims that the field of biology has eliminated widespread {{w|Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse#As_infectious_disease|Pestilence}}; at the time of writing it was not readily apparent that {{w|COVID-19_pandemic|the old dog still has some teeth}} (although the rate of death from infectious disease in 2020–21 is still less than 200 per 100 thousand, far lower than the early 20th century). The imagery of Pestilence being thwarted by modern medicine was also used in the book {{w|Good Omens}}, by {{w|Terry Pratchett}} (of whom Randall is a fan, see [[1498: Terry Pratchett]]) and {{w|Neil Gaiman}}, where Pestilence has retired after the discovery of {{w|Penicillin}}, and been replaced by {{w|Pollution}}.

The graph shows the death rate from infectious disease in the USA with the range of 1900-2000. The spike is attributable to the {{w|1918 flu pandemic}}. It has been published in the paper [http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=768249 Trends in Infectious Disease Mortality in the United States During the 20th Century].

The woman then goes on to directly accuse Cueball (i.e. physicists) of creating a new Horseman to replace the one slain by the biologists. She refers to the development of the {{w|atomic bomb}}, which was built and tested in the {{w|New Mexico desert}}. The new horseman is therefore the atomic bomb, or the various perils associated with it.

The woman's implied condemnation of the physics community has been echoed by some of the scientists involved in the project itself. After the test detonation of the first nuclear weapon on July 16, 1945, {{w|J. Robert Oppenheimer}}, the director of the {{w|Los Alamos National Laboratory}}, found himself inwardly quoting the {{w|Bhagavad Gita}}: "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." {{w|Kenneth Bainbridge}}, the organizer of the actual Trinity test (which he called a "foul and awesome display"), remarked more prosaically to Oppenheimer that day, "Now we are all sons of bitches."

This harsh moral judgement shocks Cueball, who exclaims "I thought this was supposed to be fun and lighthearted!" While the set-up is of a frivolous friendly competition, the woman's presentation is surprisingly dark. Her retort in the final panel reveals that she was angered by the off-hand dismissal of 'soft' sciences as "stamp-collecting" and turned the game from a light-hearted fun into something more serious.

In the title text the biologist goes on to declare in {{w|All caps}} that she is surprised a physicist isn't "harder", after all their condescending towards the "squishy" sciences. The use of 'hard' and 'squishy' is a play on the colloquial division between the so-called 'hard' sciences (such as physics and chemistry) and 'soft' sciences (such as biology and geology). 'Hard' sciences usually refer to the perception that in fields like physics, precisely repeatable experiments and measurements are possible, as opposed to 'soft' sciences seen as placing less emphasis on precisely quantifiable predictability - however Hairbun is extending 'hard' to its meaning of 'stoic', mocking Cueball for not being able to weather a personal moral attack. Again, she is indicating that she's upset by directly referencing a mocking portrayal of other fields allegedly made by Cueball.

To be fair to Cueball, the outbreak of disease is more a topic for epidemiology, and biology has spawned multiple diseases, atrocities, and bad movies. However, the Manhattan Project marked the first time in history that humanity possessed the ability to destroy itself — and shortly thereafter humanity got {{w|Cold War|perilously close to doing so}}.

In [[520: Cuttlefish]] Randall shows that he personally respects biologists — or at least fears them.

Within a year Randall has made several other comics about nuclear weapons, this one was the first of these the second, [[1539: Planning]], came out just 1½ month after this one and after that these two were released early in 2016: [[1626: Judgment Day]] and [[1655: Doomsday Clock]]. Nuclear weapons are also mentioned twice in ''[[Thing Explainer]]'', specifically they are explained in the explanation for ''Machine for burning cities'' about {{w|Thermonuclear weapon|thermonuclear bombs}}, but they are also mentioned in ''Boat that goes under the sea'' about a submarine that carries nukes. All three comics and both explanations in the book, does like this comic, comment on how insane it is that we have created enough firepower to obliterate Earth several times (or at least scourge it for any human life).

==Transcript==
:[Hairy is acting as the host of a TV talk show, ''Degree-Off'' holding a microphone up. Cueball, Hairbun, and Megan are acting as representatives of physics, biology, and chemistry, respectively. They each stand behind their own lectern with the respective subject label.]
:Hairy: Welcome to the '''''Degree-Off''''', where we determine which field is the best! Physics, wanna go first?
:Cueball (Phys): Sure! I'd like to tell the story of Richard Feynman's Manhattan project lockpicking pranks...
:Labels: Phys Bio Chem

:[Zoom in so Megan is no longer visible. Cueball lifts his hand]
:Cueball (Phys): ...and as he said, "all science is either physics or stamp collecting."
:Cueball (Phys): <small>Thank you.</small>
:Hairy: ''Great!'' Bio, you wanna go next?
:Hairbun: Okay.
:Labels: Phys Bio

:[Zoom in on Hairbun so only she and her lectern are shown. A graph is shown above her. There is a label for the y-axis to the left of the axis which has four ticks with numbers. The x-axis is a timeline without ticks but three years indicating the start center and end of the axis. The graph shows a curve falling off, with one great spike up around 1920.]
:Y-axis label: Per 100,000
:Y-axis:
::800
::600
::400
::200
:X-axis: 1900 1950 2000
:Hairbun (Bio): This is a graph of the death rate from infectious disease in this country.
:Labels: Bio

:[Zoom back to original scene with Hairy holding the microphone down and Hairbun raising her left hand, while Cueball looks at her.]
:Hairbun (Bio): The heroes of my field have '''''slain''''' one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
:Labels: Phys Bio Chem

:[Zoom in on only Cueball and Hairbun who is pointing aggressively at Cueball who leans away from her one hand on his lectern for support.]
:Hairbun (Bio): While the heroes of '''''your''''' field gathered in the desert to create a new one.
:Labels: Phys Bio

:[Zoom back to previous scene all are holding their hands down.]
:Cueball (Phys): ...Jeez, what the hell? I thought this was supposed to be fun and lighthearted!
:Hairbun (Bio): '''''You must have been thinking of stamp collecting.'''''
:Labels: Phys Bio Chem

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Hairy]]
[[Category:Science]]
[[Category:Timelines]]
[[Category:Line graphs]]
[[Category:Physics]]
[[Category:Biology]]
[[Category:Portmanteau]]
[[Category:Nuclear weapons]]

1792: Bird/Plane/Superman

2024-01-30T17:54:53Z

Tsuchinoko: /* Table */

{{comic
| number = 1792
| date = January 30, 2017
| title = Bird/Plane/Superman
| image = bird_plane_superman.png
| titletext = You can apply special translucent films to your windows to help keep birds/Superman from accidentally flying into them.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic is a logical comparison of observations to resolve the [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0034247/quotes?item=qt0317455 classic Superman catchphrase] of comic book bystanders: "Look, up in the sky... It's a {{w|Airplane|bird}}!... It's a {{w|Bird|plane}}!... It's {{w|Superman}}!", hence the title. Superman, a character originally created for comic books in the 1930s, is an alien with superpowers, including the power of unaided flight; hence the catchphrase exclaiming peoples' amazement.

At the correct distance both birds, planes and the fictional Superman could be mistaken for each other. So this comic aims to help people identify the airborne object by listing on which properties they are alike and on which they are different. This problem was also mentioned in the title text of [[1633: Possible Undiscovered Planets]], putting Superman near the bird/plane boundary explaining why all this confusion has arisen.

The observations compared range from the mundane to the bizarre and they are listed and explained below in the [[#Table|table]]. Here some highlights are mentioned, but for all these there are much more detail below.

Some of the mundane observations are that birds don't fly around with people, while Superman can do it, and planes are meant for it; and that the latter two are new "inventions", whereas birds have flown around for millions of years.

Interestingly enough there are actually two observations that have check mark for all three; the first being that there are enthusiasts for all three different flying objects. And these will obsess over small color details in otherwise similar looking objects. The other common thing is that they all may have sex in midair. The possibility of that happening for the all three are discussed in the table.

Three observations only counts for birds, where all those that do not count for birds do count for both planes and superman. Two of these relates to the fact that birds are eaten by cats and humans, the last is that birds flap their wings to fly, the others have other means of flight. There are observations that rules out only planes or only superman, but none that rules out only one of them at the same time as birds are ruled out.

There are also three direct jokes towards the bottom. The first is that {{w|David Attenborough}} may also have observed Superman's mating habits just like he has with birds in the documentary series {{w|The Life of Birds}}. The second is that not only birds poop in flight, but that Superman could and would also do so. And the third (and also final observation) is that not only birds chase insects to eat them, but Superman also chases them... though only when he is bored. These last three observations have that in common that the planes are left out of all of them, and the joke is always on Superman. As it has been before in [[1384: Krypton]] and [[1394: Superm*n]] (released just ten comics apart).

The title text refers to black stickers (decals) in the shape of an easily recognizable predatory bird, like {{w|falcons}} to enhance the visibility of clear glass windows or doors and scare smaller birds away before they crash into the window. This may actually not work very well according to this article: [https://www.allaboutbirds.org/why-birds-hit-windows-and-how-you-can-help-prevent-it/ Why Birds Hit Windows], where a falcon decal is also shown. But they are meant to warn birds away and according to this comic they could also prevent Superman from flying through your window (and thus also stop him from possibly just continuing through the building). They are not known to affect the risk of airplanes flying into the building.{{Citation needed}}

===Table===
{| class="wikitable"
!style="width: style="width: 55%;"| !!style="width: style="width: 15%;"| Bird !!style="width: style="width: 15%;"| Plane !! Superman
|-
!colspan=4| Explanation
|-
! Carries people || || ✓ || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| Some birds are capable of flying off while carrying a small human away, but this happens extremely rarely (although hoax stories are often reported). An {{w|Ostrich}} can easily carry a human; and this happens regularly in arranged {{w|Common ostrich#Racing|races}}. The context of the strip implies that it's referring to birds in flight, so flightless birds like ostriches are ignored.

Most planes are specifically designed to carry human passengers, although many are cargo planes with humans only acting as crew, and autonomous drones without humans also exist.

Superman often carries other people with him, such as his {{w|Lois Lane|girlfriend}}, rescued victims or the various villains that people need to be rescued from.
|-
! Often flies in groups || ✓ || ✓ ||
|-
|colspan=4| Many types of birds fly in flocks, particularly during long-range {{w|Bird migration|migrations}}. Some birds often fly in the {{w|V formation}} which has also been {{w|V formation#Military flight missions|copied by planes}}. This formation has been used at least twice in xkcd in [[1440: Geese]] and recently in [[1729: Migrating Geese]] (notice the similarity in number of that bird comic compared to the one for this comic).

Planes sometimes fly in {{w|Formation flying|group formation}}, particularly when engaged in military operations where mutual support is tactically useful (or when conducting practice maneuvers for such operations). Though the people who would mistake those planes for birds will mainly see this at {{w|air show}}s.

Superman is a unique person, and thus does not fly in groups at all. While Superman occasionally operates alongside other flying superheroes, and in some stories is duplicated or split into multiple beings, Randall apparently considers these circumstances too unusual to meet the "often" qualifier.
|-
! Created in 20<sup>th</sup> century || || ✓ || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| Birds evolved from dinosaurs, appearing as early as the Late Jurassic period, roughly 150 million years ago. That birds evolved from dinosaur who also had wings with feathers before they evolved on to becoming birds has often been referenced by Randall in comics like [[1104: Feathers]], [[1211: Birds and Dinosaurs]] and the title texts of [[867: Herpetology]] and [[1527: Humans]].

The {{w|Wright Flyer#Flight trials at Kitty Hawk|first successful flight}} of a powered heavier-than-air craft took place on December 17, 1903 and was performed by the {{w|Wright brothers}}. There are several other claims for the first such flight, but few are from before the 20th century, and those are generally considered to be unreliable.

Superman first appeared in {{w|Action Comics 1|''Action Comics'' #1}}, published in June 1938.
|-
! Uses magnetic navigation || ✓ || ✓ ||
|-
|colspan=4| Some types of birds use {{w|magnetoreception}} to navigate using the earth's magnetic field as a guide.

Artificial {{w|Compass#Magnetic compass|magnetic compasses}}, along with other navigational equipment, are used by planes.

Superman, while possessing a {{w|Powers and abilities of Superman|plethora of super-senses/powers}}, does not appear to be particularly sensitive to {{w|magnetism}}.
|-
! Enthusiast community obsesses over small coloration details || ✓ || ✓ || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| {{w|Birdwatching|Birdwatchers}} identify bird species by a range of characteristics, including small details in the bird's color pattern which identify one species apart from another.

Similarly, airplane hobbyists and {{w|Aircraft spotting|plane spotters}} take note of the colors of a plane's paint job and insignia.

Comics fans can similarly identify the artist and date of a depiction of Superman by the coloration and configuration of his costume and be obsessed with their favorite coloration being the canon.
|-
! Preyed on by cats || ✓ || ||
|-
|colspan=4| {{w|Cats}} kill several billion birds a year, often - but not always - eating them.

There has never been a case of a cat successfully catching and eating a plane.{{Citation needed}}

As Superman is a fictional character the same goes for him, but also in the comics he has never been eaten by a cat, although he has been [http://www.themarysue.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/power-girl-22.jpg devoured by a dinosaur] although that (probably) did not kill him...
|-
! Occasional mid-air sex || ✓ || ✓ || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| Almost no bird species have sex in flight. Hummingbirds, for example, engage in courting behavior which one might falsely identify as sex (explained in this article [http://animals.howstuffworks.com/birds/hummingbird-sex1.htm Do hummingbirds have sex in midair?]). This article [http://www.livescience.com/38379-animal-sex-bird-sex.html Animal Sex: How Birds Do It] explains how birds in general have sex. However, this article [http://www.commonswift.org/Aerial-mating.html Aerial mating] points out that the common swift (Apus apus) engages in mid-air sex, an act presumably caught on video [https://vimeo.com/78453839 here].

{{w|Mile high club|Mid-air sex}} involving planes usually involves passengers (and potentially air crew), not the plane itself. However, this could also be a metaphorical reference to {{w|Aerial refueling|in-flight refueling}} (such as the depiction, set to romantic music, in [https://www.youtu.be/Qs7EikHQGlA the opening scene] of the movie ''{{w|Dr. Strangelove}}'', a movie Randall has referenced before for instance in [[Media:1608 1020x1083y Torpedoes two steps above Runner with Beret Guy.png|this scene]] from [[1608: Hoverboard]]) It could also refer to [http://avstop.com/news/plantcity.html this incident] where one plane landed atop another in mid-air.

As for Superman, there have been occasional moments in the comics which indicate or at least imply that he sometimes engages in mid-air sex.
|-
! Eaten during seasonal feasts || ✓ || ||
|-
|colspan=4| {{w|Turkey (bird)|Turkeys}}, a type of bird, are eaten by Americans during {{w|Thanksgiving}}, a "seasonal feast" held on the fourth Thursday of November of each year. Britons eat Turkey or {{w|Goose}} at {{w|Christmas}}, in other countries it may be {{w|ducks}} instead.

It is unlikely that normal humans would eat a plane, however it has been done by {{w|Michel Lotito}} who has digested an entire {{w|Cessna 150|Cessna}} aircraft. However he used two years to consume the plane, so although he may have eaten some parts during holidays, he did not do it because there was a seasonal feast.

Superman is too strong and "made of steel" for him to let any human eat him. But as also mentioned above he has been [http://www.themarysue.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/power-girl-22.jpg devoured by a dinosaur] although that probably did not kill him, and does not seem to be linked to a holiday.
|-
! Propelled by flapping || ✓ || ||
|-
|colspan=4| Birds fly by flapping their wings.{{Citation needed}}

Planes have fixed wings, and fly by maintaining forward velocity and exploiting the aerodynamic effects of air flowing over the upper and lower wing surfaces, which are shaped and angled to produce lift. However some experimental designs for some of the earlier planes made such as {{w|Leonardo Da Vinci}}'s Flying Machine that was propelled by flapping.

Superman flies using superpowers which require neither wings nor flapping.
|-
! Sometimes loses ability to fly, needs to sunbathe to regain it || ✓ || || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| Birds can "lose" the ability to fly, if their wings are weighed down by water from swimming. One way for birds to dry out their wings is to [http://birding.about.com/od/birdbehavior/a/Bird-Sunning.htm sunbathe].

An airplane can lose its ability to fly, but no issues occurring in modern aircraft can be fixed by sunbathing, except in some {{w|Solar Impulse|experimental solar-powered aircraft}}.

As for Superman, he is at risk of losing his superpowers, including flight, with prolonged exposure to {{w|Kryptonite}}, which makes him weak. Also the rays from the sun at his home planet {{w|Krypton (comics)|Krypton}} can {{w|Superman II#Plot|remove his super powers}} as it happened in ''{{w|Superman II}}''. Superman's ability to fly is a superpower caused by "electromagnetic radiation from the rays of a yellow sun", so he could regain his strength and superhuman abilities through sunbathing in the {{w|Sun|Sun's}} light here on Earth. Which was how he got his super powers in the first place.
|-
! Can take a punch || || ✓ || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| Many birds are small and fragile creatures, whose {{w|Bird anatomy#Skeletal system|bone structures}} are meant to be light in order to fly, and thus are not very durable. If a man punched, say, a {{w|pigeon}}, he could probably break/dislocate most of its bones, either killing it immediately or leaving it in a state from which it will probably never ever recover on its own. However, there are definitely some big, {{w|flightless birds}} that could take a punch from a human such as ostriches and {{w|emus}}, but since both are large creatures that would probably react by fighting back, it would not be wise to try. Also Randall is (again) plainly ignoring this type of birds as they cannot fly and this comic is about making mistakes regarding things flying through the air (typically far enough away from the observer to mistake a pigeon for a plane).

Planes are usually massive, or at least big enough to carry a human, and their structure is composed of fairly solid metals. A human punching an airplane is unlikely to result in significant damage (to the plane, at least, the human's hand is a different story.)

One of Superman's (the {{w|Man of Steel (film)|Man of Steel}}) trademark abilities is his near indestructibility; a punch from any regular human would not hurt him, but again hurt the hand.
|-
! Mating behavior often observed by a hidden David Attenborough || ✓ || || Not that we know of
|-
|colspan=4| {{w|David Attenborough}} is an English broadcaster and naturalist, who produced a documentary series ''{{w|The Life of Birds}}''. Included in the series is an episode entitled "Finding Partners", which discussed {{w|Bird#Breeding|mating rituals of birds}}. That these can be very strange has been mentioned in the title text of [[1747: Spider Paleontology]], of course in relation to Dinosaur behavior.

Planes are inanimate objects with no mating behavior.{{Citation needed}} However, referring back to the observations made under the ''Occasional mid-air sex'' explanation it could be discussed if this was mating behavior. Also there are movies like ''{{w|Planes (film)|Planes}}'' and its {{w|Planes: Fire & Rescue|sequel}} has living planes, which could mate. But Randall may know for sure that Attenborough is not interested in those.

The comic states that we don't know for sure if Attenborough has observed Superman's mating behavior. As Superman doesn't exist,{{Citation needed}} Attenborough has not seen Superman in reality (which would lead to a "No" response), but maybe Attenborough has watched all the movies or read all the comics in which Superman courts {{w|Lois Lane}} just to observe Superman's (made up) mating behavior (which would lead to a "Yes" response). Since we do not know Attenborough's habits, this leads to Randall giving the "Not that we know of" response.
|-
! Capable of ''intentionally'' releasing poop mid-flight || ✓ || || ✓
|-
|colspan=4| Birds often poop during flight, often enough that people regularly get hit in the head by the poop, which has caused the unlucky people to come up with the [http://thepetwiki.com/wiki/Pets_and_Superstitions superstition] that it brings good luck. For birds it is just economical to shed excess mass when they are going to fly, and many birds poop just at take off. But on long flights it is the best use of resources to not carry extra weight along, that increases their efficiency. Unlike {{w|mammals}} who pee {{w|urea}}, {{w|Bird#Excretory system|bird poop}} is both pee and feces as birds only have one hole, a {{w|cloaca}}, and the black poop is surrounded by their pee which is the white stuff containing {{w|uric acid}}. Not peeing lots of water out reduces their water loss.

There have long existed urban myths about airplanes regularly discharging their septic tanks, resulting in blocks of blue ice crushing houses and people. This line refers to that myth, and the fact that it's untrue. A leaky septic disposal system can unintentionally discharge liquid waste while in flight, but there is no way for an airplane to intentionally release the sewage.

As Superman's physiology is nearly identical to that of a human, he is in theory capable of voluntarily voiding his bowels at any time, including during flight. There would be little reason for him to do so, but he presumably has the ability to do so.
|-
! Chases and eats bugs || ✓ || || Only when bored
|-
|colspan=4| Many bird species prey on insects and similar-sized animals.

Planes often fly into and kill insects (as well as birds, and sometimes humans), but this is unintentional, planes never pursue the insects, and don't "eat" them in the traditional sense.

Superman is not known for eating insects, but Randall implies that he may do so, but only when he's bored. This is a humorous suggestion that Superman engages in odd behavior for a lack of anything else to do.
|}

==Transcript==

{| class="wikitable"
! !! Bird !! Plane !! Superman
|-
| Carries people || || ✓ || ✓
|-
| Often flies in groups || ✓ || ✓ ||
|-
| Created in 20<sup>th</sup> century || || ✓ || ✓
|-
| Uses magnetic navigation || ✓ || ✓ ||
|-
| Enthusiast community obsesses over small coloration details || ✓ || ✓ || ✓
|-
| Preyed on by cats || ✓ || ||
|-
| Occasional mid-air sex || ✓ || ✓ || ✓
|-
| Eaten during seasonal feasts || ✓ || ||
|-
| Propelled by flapping || ✓ || ||
|-
| Sometimes loses ability to fly, needs to sunbathe to regain it || ✓ || || ✓
|-
| Can take a punch || || ✓ || ✓
|-
| Mating behavior often observed by a hidden David Attenborough || ✓ || || Not that we know of
|-
| Capable of intentionally releasing poop mid-flight || ✓ || || ✓
|-
| Chases and eats bugs || ✓ || || Only when bored
|-
|}

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Aviation]]
[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:Sex]]
[[Category:Food]]
[[Category:Fiction]]

1729: Migrating Geese

2024-01-30T17:38:41Z

Tsuchinoko: /* Table of labels */

{{comic
| number = 1729
| date = September 5, 2016
| title = Migrating Geese
| image = migrating_geese.png
| titletext = "Hey guys! I have a great idea for a migration!" "Dammit, Kevin."
}}

==Explanation==
{{w|Bird migration|Migrating}} refers to the changing of a habitat, which happens every year with birds like {{w|geese}} that travel long distances to avoid cold seasons and get back to the food in the summer time. When geese fly to their new habitat, they tend to fly in a very clear {{w|V formation}}. The V formation improves the efficiency of flying birds, particularly over long migratory routes. All the birds except the first fly in the upwash from one of the wingtip vortices of the bird ahead. The upwash assists each bird except for the "leading" one in supporting its own weight in flight, saving them up to 20% of the energy needed.

It should be noted that geese do have family structures with adult geese in "alpha" positions, but not a strict ranking order. An individual's position in formation flights is coincidental and constantly changing, so that the goose at the point of the formation can pull back and rest in the V wings while others "lead" the swarm. Popular earlier beliefs about an "alpha goose" heading a formation for the entire flight is a myth, easily disproved by watching geese formations in flight.

This comic shows such a formation with 20 geese, with several geese and areas in the V formation labeled, giving different roles to the geese and assigning these areas a new meaning. See the [[#Table of labels|table below]].

Apart from a "twin engine" goose in the bottom right arm of the V the only part of the formation that would not normally be seen is Kevin, who flies off at a 45-degree angle. In that direction there is no aerodynamic help from the other birds, and in the title text the rest of the geese also exclaim, "Dammit, Kevin" when he (again?) tells them that he has a great new idea for a migration (maybe referring to the new direction). This is either a reference to the fact that migrating birds manage to consistently arrive in the same general area every year, or to the way that vacations are sometimes suggested (by humans): "I thought of an idea for a vacation..." This was only the second time the name Kevin was used in xkcd for a fictive person, see more in [[1795:_All_You_Can_Eat#Kevin|this trivia]].

===Table of labels===
{| class="wikitable"
!Name
!Explanation
|-
|Head Goose
(4th in line to the British throne)
|Supposedly, this goose is in line to become the newest monarch of the United Kingdom after the deaths of the three (humans) who were ahead of it at the time of the comic’s publication ({{w|Charles III|Charles, Prince of Wales}}; {{w|William, Prince of Wales|William, Duke of Cambridge}}; {{w|Prince George of Wales|Prince George of Cambridge}}[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succession_to_the_British_throne]). In actuality the fourth in line to the British throne was then {{w|Princess Charlotte of Wales|Princess Charlotte of Cambridge}}. As of the death of {{w|Elizabeth II|the Queen}}, in 2022, she gained one place and the new fourth in line became {{w|Prince Louis of Wales}} (her younger brother).
In North America, the best-known goose migration is that of {{w|Canada goose|Canada geese}} to the US east coast. Canada used to be part of the {{w|British Empire}} and remains a member of the {{w|Commonwealth of Nations}}, so a "Canadian" goose would be well situated to stand within the succession (excepting, of course, for the fact that it's a goose). As the main rules of {{w|succession to the British throne}} are being Protestant and directly related to {{w|Sophia of Hanover}}, who died in 1714, the line of succession is long. [http://www.wargs.com/essays/succession/2011.html Very long.] Though there probably aren't any geese in that list (even Catholic ones), the head goose being deemed the fourth in line (or the fourth in line being deemed a head goose) may be mocking the concept of the line of succession and/or any perception of the arbitrary nature of its membership.
|-
|Quarterback
|A {{w|quarterback}} is a position in {{w|American football}}, usually placed in the second row of an American football formation, just like the associated goose. On nearly every non-kicking play, the quarterback is the player who stands behind the center and receives the ball to start the play. In modern American football, the quarterback is usually considered the leader of the team, and is often responsible for calling the play.
|-
|Comptroller
|A {{w|comptroller}} is a position in many corporations and some governments. An officer of this title is responsible for the oversight of financial operations and ensuring that accounting is conducted accurately.
|-
|Migration abort goose
|This might be a reference to launch abort capsules used in rockets to safely land astronauts in the case of a critical stage failure. Or it could be operated like an abort button aborting the entire migration for all geese.
|-
|Twin-Engine Model
|This goose has two tails offset on each side of the center of the goose, instead of one tail in the middle like the rest. The "tails" also extend beyond the wings, which makes it look like a Twin-Engine aircraft, which has two motors: one on each wing instead of one in the nose. Later Randall made no less than eight plane/birds combination like this in [[1824: Identification Chart]].
|-
|CIA Informant
|A person, usually a criminal, that surreptitiously provides information to the {{w|Central Intelligence Agency}} (CIA), a foreign intelligence agency of the United States federal government. If these geese are from Canada, the CIA might have inserted an informant to be kept up to date on their activities. However, it is unlikely that the CIA would have great interest in the migratory patterns of geese.{{Citation needed}}
|-
|Backups
|These are geese that are not used in the formation so they can replace other geese in their positions in case they have problems performing their task. This may also be a pun/joke about technology/data "migrations" where backups should be taken liberally due to risk of data loss.
|-
|Shock Front
| A shock front is the front boundary of a {{w|shock wave}} created by either a {{w|sonic boom}} or another explosion in a fluid/gas. It can also refer to the shock wave itself. A V-shaped shock-wave called a '{{w|Bow shock (aerodynamics)|bow shock}}', similar in appearance to the V-shaped goose formation, is generated by a supersonic object. Since geese fly subsonically in normal circumstances {{Citation needed}}, they do not generate a shock wave. But of course, this set of geese may be somewhat different considering the involvement of CIA and stealth technology.
|-
|Missing Valence Geese
|In Chemistry, {{w|Valence (chemistry)|valence}} electrons are the electrons in the outermost "layer" which change places when chemical reactions happen. As there is an optimal number of electrons in a layer, if there are missing valence electrons, atoms which can fill in these gaps tend to react with the atoms having the missing electrons. In case of "electron sharing" (aka covalent bond) molecules result from such an encounter. The comic suggests a second geese formation that has proper "valence geese" in the appropriate position could bond (=merge) with this one into a larger formation. A normal geese V formation like the one in the comic has one side longer than the other and this is possibly Randall's explanation for the phenomenon.
In reality, geese do form V-shaped flocks, since the rear geese can profit aerodynamically from the vortices created by the front geese, and that way the overall flock requires less energy. So there is actually some evolutionary sense for additional geese to fill the "valence holes". It is thus a little weird that there are two backup geese close to these valence vacancies, as they should then have filled them up...
|-
|Stealth cargo being escorted
|The formation is forming a protective surrounding around an empty space in the middle which in a military formation could contain protected cargo. As there is no cargo visible in the geese formation, it is titled "{{w|Stealth technology|stealth}}". This would be a nice [[:Category:Conspiracy theory|conspiracy theory]] to spread.
|-
|Kevin
|An obnoxious blowhard who insists on trying new, poorly thought-out ideas, completely ignorant no one else in the group wants to try it out with him. "Kevin" is an internet meme (especially in Europe) where it's the stereotypical name of the village idiot. Kevin is usually urged to stop talking, ironically congratulated, etc. It’s due to the fact that this name was given [https://www.quora.com/Why-does-the-name-Kevin-have-so-many-negative-connotations-in-modern-Germany-Is-it-really-because-of-Kevin-Costner mainly in low socioeconomic class] (so Kevins will probably have poor education) and possibly because it was [https://translate.google.fr/translate?sl=fr&tl=en&js=y&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&u=http%3A%2F%2Fprenoms.doctissimo.fr%2Ftop-prenoms-annee-1991.html&edit-text=&act=url way too common around the ’90s].

Around the time of this comic's release Kevin was a "go-to name" for [[Randall]], seen in [[1719: Superzoom]] as well as What-If #83 as a placeholder name for the comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko.

The name may also be a reference to the intelligent and playful bird [http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Kevin Kevin], from the Disney/Pixar movie {{w|Up (movie)|Up}}, or [https://youtu.be/OyqdoxTEmdg Kevin] from {{w|South Park}}. “Dammit, Kevin” may be a reference to the meme [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/moon-moon Moon Moon], a mentally-challenged wolf whose pack (along with other animals) responds to his strange actions with “God dammit, Moon Moon”.
|}

==Transcript==
:[Caption above the panel:]
:Understanding Migration of Geese

:[20 geese are shown flying in a typical migratory V-formation. As they are shown in silhouette it is not possible to determine if they are seen from above or from below. They are flying toward the top of the image with the first goose close to the top in the middle of the image. There is one head goose, and then there are 7 geese in the left arms and 9 geese in the right arm. Behind the left arm there are two stragglers that are not in line with the others, but closer to the middle than those above and not as close to each other as the rest but still flying in the same direction. Finally there is one goose at the bottom right corner flying at a 45 degree angle away from the other to the right. The first goose is flapping its wing, which is also the case with six other geese, no. 4 and 6 in the left and 3, 5 and 6 in the right arm as well as the middle of the two in the rear towards the middle. The rest are soaring with straight wings and all of these look the same except no. 7 in the right arm which has two tails, which both goes ahead of the wings, making it look like a plane with two engines. The head goose and 5 of the 9 geese in the right arm as well as the one bottom right are labelled with and arrow pointing to them from the label. The front goose has the label in front to the left, the other have it in front to the right, except the second last in the arm which has the label inside the V and one flying away which has the label right above it. The two behind and right of the left arm have one label behind them with two arrows from the label pointing at both geese. There is a thick curvy line in front of geese no. 3 to 5 in the left arm. In front of that line is a thinner broken line. In front of this is a label written with the same curvature. There are two areas surrounded by dotted lines. The first one is behind the last of the left arms geese, extending in the same direction for a distance of about two geese. It has a label above and left with and arrow pointing to it. The other area is in the middle of the V forming a loose triangular structure with a label inside.]
:Head goose: Head goose <small>(4<sup>th</sup> in line to the British throne)</small>
:Right no. 1: Quarterback
:Right no. 3: Comptroller
:Right no. 5: Migration abort goose
:Right no. 7: Twin-engine model
:Right no. 8: CIA informant
:Bottom right corner: Kevin
:Behind center: Backups
:In front of left no. 3-5: Shock front
:Empty area behind left arm: Missing valence geese
:Empty area in center: Stealth cargo being escorted

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:American football]]
[[Category:Aviation]]

132: Music Knowledge

2024-01-29T19:23:56Z

Tsuchinoko: /* List of bands mentioned */

{{comic
| number = 132
| date = July 24, 2006
| title = Music Knowledge
| image = music_knowledge.png
| titletext = When Guitar Hero 2 comes out I'll have fresh conversational material for MONTHS.
}}

==Explanation==
The punchline of this comic is that just by naming bands from the game ''{{w|Guitar Hero}}'', you can sound pretty knowledgeable about music without actually knowing anything about the bands you are naming. This is further emphasized when [[Megan]] mentions {{w|Metallica}}, a very famous band that mostly everyone can be assumed to have heard of, and [[Cueball]] has no clue who they are, because Metallica is not featured in Guitar Hero (at the time of this comic writing). A similar premise was demonstrated in [[1859: Sports Knowledge]].

''{{w|Guitar Hero}}'' is a music rhythm video game developed by Harmonix and published by RedOctane for the {{w|Playstation 2}}.

In the title text, Cueball (or possibly Randall) is just hoping for a sequel to ''Guitar Hero'' to get more, and newer, conversational material. As of 2019, there have been 6 main sequels to ''Guitar Hero'', with numerous other spinoffs and expansions to the {{w|Guitar Hero|''Guitar Hero'' series}}.

===List of bands mentioned===

'''Classic Rock'''
*{{w|Boston (band)|Boston}} is an American rock band from Boston, who had their most success in the 1970s and 1980s. Their song "{{w|More Than a Feeling}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.
*{{w|Queen (band)|Queen}} is a British rock band from London, formed in 1970, with many major hits. Their song "{{w|Killer Queen}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.
*"Bowie" ({{w|David Bowie}}) was an English singer and songwriter. His song "{{w|Ziggy Stardust (song)|Ziggy Stardust}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.
*{{w|Joan Jett}} is an American rock singer. She is best known for her work as the frontwoman of her band, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts. Their version of the song "{{w|I Love Rock 'n' Roll}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.

'''Newer stuff'''
*{{w|Franz Ferdinand (band)|Franz Ferdinand}} are a Scottish rock band formed in Glasgow in 2002. Their song "{{w|Take Me Out (song)|Take Me Out}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.
*{{w|The Donnas}} were an American rock band formed in Palo Alto, California in 1993. Their song "{{w|Spend the Night (The Donnas album)|Take it Off}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.
*{{w|Audioslave}} was an American rock supergroup formed in Los Angeles in 2001. Their song "{{w|Cochise (song)|Cochise}}" is featured in ''Guitar Hero''.

'''Other stuff'''
*{{w|Arcade Fire}} is a Canadian indie rock band founded in 2000.
*{{w|The Postal Service|Postal Service}} was an American indie rock band founded in 2001.
*{{w|Freezepop}} is an American electronic band from Boston. Their song "Get Ready 2 Rokk" is featured in ''Guitar Hero'', as a bonus song. This is the first giveaway of Cueball's source for his music knowledge; Freezepop is a fairly obscure indie band best known for their placement in Guitar Hero and other rhythm games.
*{{w|Metallica}} is an American heavy metal band. The band was formed in 1981 in Los Angeles, California. Metallica has won 9 Grammy awards and received 23 Grammy nominations. They were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2009.

Interestingly, neither {{w|Arcade Fire}} nor {{w|The Postal Service|Postal Service}} (mentioned by Megan) are featured in ''Guitar Hero'', so Cueball should not have any knowledge of these bands. Perhaps he brought up Freezepop as a distraction, since Megan mentioned that The Postal Service also has electronic music.

==Transcript==
:[Megan and Cueball converse.]
:Megan: What kind of music do you listen to?
:Cueball: Oh, a mix of things. Some classic rock like Boston, but then of course Queen and Bowie, Joan Jett...
:Megan: Definitely, we need more of those sounds.
:Cueball: But there's some great newer stuff too, like Franz Ferdinand, The Donnas, and Audioslave.
:Megan: Sometimes they're a little much for me. I go more for things like The Arcade Fire, sometimes mixing some electronic sounds like Postal Service.
:Cueball: Oh yeah—have you ever checked out Freezepop?
:Megan: Mhm! Synth pop can be fun, but at the same time, I agree that sometimes you just need to blast some Metallica.
:Cueball: Who?
:Megan: ...Metallica.
:Cueball: Are they new?
:I sound pretty knowledgeable about music until people figure out that I'm just naming bands from Guitar Hero.

==Trivia==
*In his [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJOS0sV2a24#t=42m20s Google-speech] in late 2007, [[Randall]] expressed some form of dissatisfaction with ''Guitar Hero III'' (coincidentally the first edition in the series to include a Metallica song).
*In 2009, three years after this comic was released, ''Metallica'' eventually got a game {{w|Guitar Hero: Metallica}}.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Music]]
[[Category:Video games]]
[[Category:Rhythm Games]]
[[Category:Guitar Hero]]

Talk:977: Map Projections

2024-01-29T02:57:18Z

Tsuchinoko: Map question

I have a Plate Carrée hanging on my wall myself. Never failed me yet. '''[[User:Davidy22|<span title="I want you."><u><font color="purple" size="2px">David</font><font color="green" size="3px">y</font></u><sup><font color="indigo" size="1px">22</font></sup></span>]]'''[[User talk:Davidy22|<tt>[talk]</tt>]] 07:05, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

I like the Azimuthal Equidistant (equatorial aspect) the best. - not Pennpenn. [[Special:Contributions/108.162.221.43|108.162.221.43]] 01:15, 17 December 2015 (UTC)

You can explore and compare different map projections and their distortions (using Tissot’s indicatrix and triangulation of sphere) in an interactive blog post '''[http://mjmdavis.com/showing/2017/05/16/how-to-read-maps.html The problem with maps]''' by Michael Davis --[[User:JakubNarebski|JakubNarebski]] ([[User talk:JakubNarebski|talk]]) 14:58, 26 May 2017 (UTC)

Go check out that site carefully though most of the data is accurate, some of the media is not, for example the two side by side Google maps satellite images of cars and the text saying how a map projection changes the apparent size of the cars. Well if you open up both links you will see they are at different zoom levels, one at a scale of 50 feet per unit and the other at 100 feet so yes being twice the zoom the cars are going to appear larger then the image right next to it. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.62.231|162.158.62.231]] 12:04, 23 August 2017 (UTC)

Btw, this comic is given in ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lR7s1Y6Zig What Does Earth Look Like?]'' of Vsause where these projections are discussed. --[[User:Ата|<span style="color:SteelBlue">Ата</span>]] <sup>[[User talk:Ата|<span style="color:#80A0FF">(talk)</span>]]</sup> 10:38, 3 September 2017 (UTC)

;Dymaxion
Dymaxion is clearly the best. There's nothing like a map made out of an unfolded d20. [[User:Alpha|Alpha]] ([[User talk:Alpha|talk]]) 19:43, 23 February 2013 (UTC)

: Makes you wonder what if a dodecahedron had been used instead of an icosahedron. --[[User:Quicksilver|Quicksilver]] ([[User talk:Quicksilver|talk]]) 18:02, 17 August 2013 (UTC)

::Here you go: http://www.progonos.com/furuti/MapProj/Normal/ProjPoly/Foldout/Dodecahedron/dodecahedron.html - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 16:40, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

::Oh noes, Progonos map site has shut down. Alternatives: http://www.csiss.org/map-projections/Miscellaneous.html and https://lynceans.org/all-posts/polyhedral-projections-improve-the-accurately-of-mapping-the-earth-on-a-2d-surface/ - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 23:14, 11 July 2019 (UTC)

;Quincunx
Peirce Quincuncial has 4 non-conformal points, but not the 4 corners, which are the south pole, but instead are the 4 midpoints of the sides. These are on the equator and seem to be 90 degrees apart.--DrMath 06:30, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
: I love Peirce Quincuncial, yet I slept throughout that "Inception". [[Special:Contributions/141.101.99.228|141.101.99.228]] 11:36, 27 January 2014 (UTC)
: I'm surprised nobody thought of "''really'' looking at your hands" as a hint that person that likes this projection is under influence of LSD or similar drug. As this surely is a thing that you do. (and you'll think of it next time you smoke your joint - inception!) --[[Special:Contributions/108.162.254.137|108.162.254.137]] 17:29, 7 December 2014 (UTC)

Plus it has a picture of a man looking at his hand and a man looking at the man looking at his hand.[[User:Weatherlawyer| I used Google News BEFORE it was clickbait]] ([[User talk:Weatherlawyer|talk]]) 14:39, 22 January 2015 (UTC)

xkcd 1051's title text - "meta lucid dreaming". I really got excited that there was an article about and ironically, it leads to meta and lucid dreaming separately. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.55.67|173.245.55.67]] 21:23, 25 March 2014 (UTC)BK201

The common video game trope of "the far east of the world is connected to the far west, and the far north likewise to the far south" is popularly resolved by saying that those game worlds are toroidal shapes. (For a particular reference, I am thinking of the SNES and PSX era Final Fantasy games (4-9.)) But sometime in the last year, I got the idea that you could also resolve that geographical conflict (and claim they are spherical) by the logic that the "world map" you see in those games (where they have one) is a Peirce Qunincuncial map. Is my logic sound? [[User:Boct1584|Boct1584]] ([[User talk:Boct1584|talk]]) 15:31, 28 March 2015 (UTC)

The explanation for the Peirce Quincuncial seems to miss the fact that Randall is implying that anyone who likes this map is most likely high. Getting lost in deep thought over things like your hands, or sitting in a dark theater for 6 hours to wrap your head around Inception...these are all very stereotypical "has smoke a lot of marijuana" behaviors. {{unsigned ip|108.162.216.21}}

The Quincuncial map is one of few maps that can tile infinite plane such that any 2 arbitrarily close points on the plane correspond to 2 arbitrarily close points on globe and vice versa.

;Waterman

In actual fact, the Waterman butterfly map used a truncated octahedron based upon the mathematics of close packing of spheres and is not at all based upon any of CaHill's work/math.
-- steve waterman {{unsigned ip|65.92.20.61}}
:Perhaps the explanation should mention that Waterman himself signed up at forum.xkcd.com and vigorously denied that his map has anything to do with Cahill. At the time, it was unclear whether the account was really Waterman, or just a troll trying to make him look bad. - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 21:39, 25 March 2014 (UTC)

What makes the Waterman butterfly map better than the Goode Homolosine map? The downsides of the Goode Homolosine map listed can both apply to the Waterman map: the oceans are all cut up in both of them, and while Greenland is safe in the Waterman butterfly, the edge of Asia gets sent over to North America’s wing. [[User:Tsuchinoko|tsuchinoko real]] ([[User talk:Tsuchinoko|talk]]) 02:57, 29 January 2024 (UTC)

;Kavrayskiy VII
Kavrayskiy is the best projection, despite being so far out of the mainstream that no-one west of Ukraine has seen one for the past 20 years. {{unsigned ip|173.245.54.64}}
:Wow, I looked into it and it really seems like an excellent projection. It's been a while since I've looked at projections but I think it's my new favourite as it has everything that I've been looking for in a projection. It's a more accurate (in extremes) and more pleasing Robinson projection that still has a reasonable amount cut off the top. Also, the indicatrix for it is very simple, as is the formula, and simple things please simple minds (like mine, apparently) -- without taking it to an extreme like the equirectangular projection does. I swear I've come across it before, but then again I grew up in a country which wasn't far from the Eastern Bloc. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.214|141.101.98.214]] 14:51, 5 November 2014 (UTC)

;Sphere
To be fair, what is drawn is an orthographic azimuthal projection.--[[Special:Contributions/108.162.216.153|108.162.216.153]] 18:59, 14 December 2014 (UTC)

GLOBES ARE THE BEST although my enormous Winkel Tripel hasn't done too bad. {{unsigned ip|108.162.219.9}}

Airline food is never microwaved, and is chilled rather than frozen. Also the problems aren't limited to storage and re-heating, there are technical considerations with low air pressure, dehydrated air etc. and concerns over strong smells. I edited the relevant section. [[User:AmbroseChapel|AmbroseChapel]] ([[User talk:AmbroseChapel|talk]]) 07:00, 11 September 2017 (UTC)

"Here is what it says about you" is a common phrase in online personality quizzes, pages and other things. {{unsigned ip|162.158.167.234}}

Randall Hates New Zealand. [[User:Koro Neil|Koro Neil]] ([[User talk:Koro Neil|talk]]) 03:40, 7 January 2019 (UTC)

Isn't the "skeleton inside" thing a reference to Ray Bradbury's "The Skeleton" [[User:Shadowsapex|Shadowsapex]] ([[User talk:Shadowsapex|talk]]) 08:32, 27 January 2019 (UTC)

== Wording disagreement ==

Loodog and I disagree about the wording of the Peters map explanation.

The previous version of the text (written by LCarsos in 2012):
: ''Anyone who loves such a politically charged map that has become popular by way of marketing stunts, Randall would rather not have anything to do with.''
Loodog's version of the text:
: ''The implication is that the fans of this map are pompously concerned with social justice, and willing either to lie or convey marketing mistruths to promote that cause.''

I believe Loodog's wording is excessively non-neutral, and the old wording should be restored. - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 19:29, 20 November 2019 (UTC)

: FWIW, I disagree that Peters fans are "pompously concerned with social justice". IMO, they are just assholes who enjoy using the terminology of social justice as their cudgel. People who genuinely care about social justice don't use Peters.

: Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, and the International Organization for Migration are three of the world's largest social justice organizations. Each of them has been described as "pompous" by detractors. <ref>https://www.google.com/search?q=%22amnesty+international%22+pompous</ref> <ref>https://www.google.com/search?q=%22human+rights+watch%22+pompous</ref> <ref>https://www.google.com/search?q=IOM+~migration+pompous</ref> None of them use Peters map projection. <ref>https://www.google.com/search?q=world+map+site:amnesty.org&tbm=isch</ref> <ref>https://www.google.com/search?q=world+map+site:hrw.org&tbm=isch</ref> <ref>https://www.google.com/search?q=world+map+site:iom.int&tbm=isch</ref> AI & HRW use a mix of Hobo-Dyer, Equirectangular, and probably Mercator. IOM uses something rounded (probably Robinson or W-T), Equirectangular, and Mercator. - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 19:34, 20 November 2019 (UTC)
::I'm inclined to agree; certainly we should be careful about calling people "pompous" in the article voice. I went back to the older wording but added "...and false claims..." after marketing stunts, which seems to have been the main thing that the person who changed it objected to and which can be stated more neutrally like that. --[[User:Aquillion|Aquillion]] ([[User talk:Aquillion|talk]]) 07:13, 9 January 2023 (UTC)

== Hemispheric Interrupted Mollweide ==

Still disappointed that Randall didn't include the '''BEST''' projection: Interrupted Mollweide Hemispheres. It combines key aspects from the clean math of Equirectangular, the values of Hobo-Dyer, the circularity of Van Der Grinten, the flattening of Homolosine, and the hipness of Winkel Tripel. - [[User:Frankie|Frankie]] ([[User talk:Frankie|talk]]) 15:09, 31 October 2022 (UTC)
:Maybe next time [[User:While False|While False]] ([[User:While False/explain xkcd museum|'''museum''']] | [[User talk:While False|talk]] | [[special:Contributions/While_False|contributions]] | [[special:Log/While_False|logs]] | [[Special:UserRights/While_False|rights]]) 19:00, 31 October 2022 (UTC)

i like peirce quincuncial and plate carree (bonus points the fact it's the oldest one). mercator is a bit meh, but let's give it credit for being one of the first projections (in fact it is the second oldest projection). gall-peters is the ugliest projection i've seen, and hobo-dyer is second ugliest. the butterfly one is also good but a bit weird, and the ichosaedron one that i forgot the name is... weird. like, wtf is that, it doesn't even look like a map, idk, where's europe there [[User:An user who has no account yet|An user who has no account yet]] ([[User talk:An user who has no account yet|talk]]) 18:31, 6 September 2023 (UTC)
:For the "icosahedron one", you mean the Dymaxion? In which case, Europe is in the topmost trapezoid (left, as opposed to the two triangles top-right). See Africa (Madagascar crossing an edge) in one corner, see the 'squiggle' of the Med and then Europe (rotated maybe 150 degrees over) crammed in the right of the extrusion. [[Special:Contributions/172.71.242.76|172.71.242.76]] 21:47, 6 September 2023 (UTC)

== Projection ==
It should maybe be explained that the concept of determining what someone's personality is like by what map they prefer is itself ''{{w|Social projection|projection}}'' {{unsigned|Mesoseven|05:20, 3 January 2024}}
:Might be worth disambiguating/adding to the {{w|projection (psychology)}} link in the '''Title Text''' section. I mean, they're not totally the same thing, but could be dealt with together with the right wording. (PS, I shuffled/reformatted your contribution. You did 'sign', but not ''sign'', and you can check the layout of the handy wikilink template we use here if you read how I've made your link; and my own without any replacement text. Welcome to the wiki, and if you have any questions...) [[Special:Contributions/172.70.90.173|172.70.90.173]] 07:30, 3 January 2024 (UTC)

==(Loose references are defaulting down here, which really need to be tidied back directly below the calling reference markup)==

936: Password Strength

2024-01-29T00:12:01Z

Tsuchinoko: /* People who don't understand information theory and security */

{{comic
| number = 936
| date = August 10, 2011
| title = Password Strength
| image = password strength.png
| titletext = To anyone who understands information theory and security and is in an infuriating argument with someone who does not (possibly involving mixed case), I sincerely apologize.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic says that a password such as "Tr0ub4dor&3" is bad because it is easy for password cracking software and hard for humans to remember, leading to insecure practices like writing the password down on a post-it attached to the monitor. On the other hand, a password such as "correct horse battery staple" is hard for computers to guess due to having more entropy but quite easy for humans to remember.

{{w|Entropy (information theory)|Entropy}} is a measure of "uncertainty" in an outcome. In this context, it can be thought of as a value representing how unpredictable the next character of a password is. It is calculated as ''log2(a^b)'' where ''a'' is the number of allowed symbols and ''b'' is its length.

A truly random string of length 11 (not like "Tr0ub4dor&3", but more like "J4I/tyJ&Acy") has log2(94^11) = 72.1 bits, with 94 being the total number of letters, numbers, and symbols one can choose. However the comic shows that "Tr0ub4dor&3" has only 28 bits of entropy. This is because the password follows a simple pattern of a dictionary word + a couple extra numbers or symbols, hence the entropy calculation is more appropriately expressed with log2(65000*94*94), with 65000 representing a rough estimate of all dictionary words people are likely to choose. (For related info, see https://what-if.xkcd.com/34/).

Another way of selecting a password is to have 2048 "symbols" (common words) and select only 4 of those symbols. log2(2048^4) = 44 bits, much better than 28. Using such symbols was again visited in one of the tips in [[1820: Security Advice]].

It is absolutely true that people make passwords hard to remember because they think they are "safer", and it is certainly true that length, all other things being equal, tends to make for very strong passwords and this can be confirmed by using [https://rumkin.com/tools/password/passchk.php rumkin.com's password strength checker]. Even if the individual characters are all limited to [a-z], the exponent implied in "we added another lowercase character, so multiply by 26 again" tends to dominate the results.

In addition to being easier to remember, long strings of lowercase characters are also easier to type on smartphones and {{w|Virtual keyboard|soft keyboards}}.

xkcd's password generation scheme requires the user to have a list of 2048 common words (log<sub>2</sub>(2048) = 11). For any attack we must assume that the attacker knows our password generation algorithm, but not the exact password. In this case the attacker knows the 2048 words, and knows that we selected 4 words, but not which words. The number of combinations of 4 words from this list of words is (2<sup>11</sup>)<sup>4</sup> = 2<sup>44</sup>, i.e. 44 bits. For comparison, the [https://world.std.com/~reinhold/dicewarefaq.html#calculatingentropy entropy offered by Diceware's 7776 word list is 13 bits per word]. If the attacker doesn't know the algorithm used, and only knows that lowercase letters are selected, the "common words" password would take even longer to crack than depicted. 25 ''random'' lowercase characters would have [https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=log2%2826^25%29 117 bits of entropy], vs 44 bits for the common words list.

;Example
Below there is a detailed example which shows how different rules of complexity work to generate a password with supposed 44 bits of entropy. The examples of expected passwords were generated in random.org.(*)

If ''n'' is the number of symbols and ''L'' is the length of the password, then ''L'' = 44 / log<sub>2</sub>(n).

{|class="wikitable"
!Symbols
!Number of symbols
!Minimum length
!colspan="2"|Examples of expected passwords
!Example of an actual password
!Actual bits of entropy
!Comment
|-
|a||26||9.3||mdniclapwz||jxtvesveiv||troubadorx||16+4.7 = 20.7||Extra letter to meet length requirement; log<sub>2</sub>(26) = 4.7
|-
|rowspan="2"|a 9
|rowspan="2"|36
|rowspan="2"|8.5
|rowspan="2"|qih7cbrmd
|rowspan="2"|ewpltiayq
|tr0ub4d0r||16+3=19||3 = common substitutions in the comic
|-
|troubador1||16+3.3=19.3||log<sub>2</sub>(10) = 3.3
|-
|a A||52||7.7||jAwwBYne||NeTvgcrq||Troubador||16+1=17||1 = caps? in the comic
|-
|a &||58||7.5||j.h?nv),||c/~/fg\:||troubador&||16+4=20||4 = punctuation in the comic
|-
|a A 9||62||7.3||cDe8CgAf||RONygLMi||Tr0ub4d0r||16+1+3=20||1 = caps?; 3 = common substitutions
|-
|a 9 &||68||7.2||_@~"#^.2||un$l|!f]||tr0ub4d0r&||16+3+4=23||3 = common substitutions; 4 = punctuation
|-
|a A 9 &||94||6.7||Re-:aRo||^$rV{3?||Tr0ub4d0r&||16+1+3+4=24||1 = caps?; 3 = common substitutions; 4 = punctuation
|-
|rowspan="2"|common words
|rowspan="2"|2048
|rowspan="2"|4
|rowspan="2"|reasonableretailsometimespossibly
|rowspan="2"|constantyieldspecifypriority||reasonableretailsometimespossibly||11×4=44||Go to random.org and select 4 random integers between 1 and 2048; then go to your list of common words
|-
|correcthorsebatterystaple
|1
|Thanks to this comic, this is now one of the first passwords a hacker will try. The only entropy left is a boolean statement: "Is this password correcthorsebatterystaple, yes or no?"
|}

:a = lowercase letters
:A = uppercase letters
:9 = digits
:& = the 32 special characters in an American keyboard; Randall assumes only the 16 most common characters are used in practice (4 bits)

:(*) The use of random.org explains why <code>jAwwBYne</code> has two consecutive w's, why <code>Re-:aRo</code> has two R's, why <code>_@~"#^.2</code> has no letters, why <code>ewpltiayq</code> has no numbers, why "constant yield" is part of a password, etc. A human would have attempted at passwords that looked random.

==People who don't understand information theory and security==

The title text likely refers to the fact that this comic could cause people who understand information theory and agree with the message of the comic to get into an infuriating argument with people who do not — and disagree with the comic.

If you're confused, don't worry; you're in good company; even security "experts" don't understand the comic:

* Bruce Schneier thinks that dictionary attacks make this method "obsolete", despite the comic ''assuming'' perfect knowledge of the user's dictionary from the get-go. He advocates his own low-entropy "first letters of common plain English phrases" method instead: [https://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2014/03/choosing_secure_1.html#:~:text=xkcd Schneier original article] and rebuttals: [https://web.archive.org/web/20160305001236/https://robinmessage.com/2014/03/why-bruce-schneier-is-wrong-about-passwords/ 1] [https://security.stackexchange.com/a/62881/10616 2] [https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/1yxgqo/bruce_schneier_on_choosing_a_secure_password/cfp2z9k 3] [https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/232uch/ysk_how_to_properly_choose_a_secure_password_the/cgte7lp 4] [https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/232uch/ysk_how_to_properly_choose_a_secure_password_the/cgszp62 5] [https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/232uch/ysk_how_to_properly_choose_a_secure_password_the/cgt6ohq 6]
* Steve Gibson basically gets it, but calculates entropy incorrectly in order to promote his own method and upper-bound password-checking tool: [https://www.grc.com/sn/sn-313.htm#:~:text=math%20is%20wrong Steve Gibson Security Now transcript] and [https://subrabbit.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/how-much-entropy-in-that-password/ rebuttal]
* Computer security consultant Mark Burnett ''almost'' understands the comic, but then advocates adding numerals and other crud to make passphrases less memorable, which completely defeats the point (that it is human-friendly) in the first place: [https://web.archive.org/web/20150319220514/https://xato.net/passwords/analyzing-the-xkcd-comic/ Analyzing the XKCD Passphrase Comic]
* Ken Grady incorrectly thinks that user-selected sentences like "I have really bright children" have the same entropy as randomly-selected words: [https://www.hellersearch.com/blog/bid/141527/is-your-password-policy-stupid Is Your Password Policy Stupid?]
* Diogo Mónica is correct that a truly random 8-character string is still stronger than a truly random 4-word string (52.4 vs 44), but doesn't understand that the words have to be truly random, not user-selected phrases like "let me in facebook": [https://diogomonica.com/posts/password-security-why-the-horse-battery-staple-is-not-correct/ Password Security: Why the horse battery staple is not correct]
* Ken Munro confuses entropy with permutations and undermines his own argument that "correct horse battery staple" is weak due to dictionary attacks by giving an example "strong" password that still consists of English words. He also doesn't realize that using capital letters in predictable places (first letter of every word) only increases password strength by a bit (figuratively and literally): [https://www.pentestpartners.com/security-blog/correcthorsebatterystaple-isnt-a-good-password-heres-why/ CorrectHorseBatteryStaple isn’t a good password. Here’s why.]

Sigh. 🤦‍♂️

==Transcript==
:The comic illustrates the relative strength of passwords assuming basic knowledge of the system used to generate them.
:A set of boxes is used to indicate how many bits of entropy a section of the password provides.
:The comic is laid out with 6 panels arranged in a 3x2 grid.
:On each row, the first panel explains the breakdown of a password, the second panel shows how long it would take for a computer to guess, and the third panel provides an example scene showing someone trying to remember the password.

:[The password "Tr0ub4dor&3" is shown in the center of the panel. A line from each annotation indicates the word section the comment applies to.]

:Uncommon (non-gibberish) base word
:[Highlighting the base word - 16 bits of entropy.]
:Caps?
:[Highlighting the first letter - 1 bit of entropy.]
:Common Substitutions
:[Highlighting the letters 'a' (substituted by '4') and both 'o's (the first of which is substituted by '0') - 3 bits of entropy.]
:Punctuation
:[Highlighting the symbol appended to the word - 4 bits of entropy.]
:Numeral
:[Highlighting the number appended to the word - 3 bits of entropy.]
:Order unknown
:[Highlighting the appended characters - 1 bit of entropy.]
:(You can add a few more bits to account for the fact that this is only one of a few common formats.)

:~28 bits of entropy
:2<sup>28</sup> = 3 days at 1000 guesses/sec
:(Plausible attack on a weak remote web service. Yes, cracking a stolen hash is faster, but it's not what the average user should worry about.)
:Difficulty to guess: Easy

:[Cueball stands scratching his head trying to remember the password.]
:Cueball: Was it trombone? No, Troubador. And one of the O's was a zero?
:Cueball: And there was some symbol...
:Difficulty to remember: Hard

:[The passphrase "correct horse battery staple" is shown in the center of the panel.]
:Four random common words {Each word has 11 bits of entropy.}

:~52 bits of entropy
:2<sup>44</sup> = 550 years at 1000 guesses/sec
:Difficulty to guess: Hard

:[Cueball is thinking, in his thought bubble a horse is standing to one side talking to an off-screen observer. An arrow points to a staple attached to the side of a battery.]
:Horse: That's a battery staple.
:Observer: ''Correct!''
:Difficulty to remember: You've already memorized it

:Through 20 years of effort, we've successfully trained everyone to use passwords that are hard for humans to remember, but easy for computers to guess.

==External links==
*An [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Request_for_Comments RFC], RFC7997 ''The Use of Non-ASCII Characters in RFCs'', uses "Correct Horse Battery Staple" in ''Table 3: A sample of legal passwords'' on page 10. [https://www.rfc-editor.org/rfc/pdfrfc/rfc7997.txt.pdf#page=10]
*Some info was used from the highest voted answer given to the question of "how accurate is this XKCD comic" at StackExchange [https://security.stackexchange.com/questions/6095/xkcd-936-short-complex-password-or-long-dictionary-passphrase].
*Similarly, a question of "how right this comic is" was made at AskMetaFilter [https://ask.metafilter.com/193052/Oh-Randall-you-do-confound-me-so] and [[Randall]] responded [https://ask.metafilter.com/193052/Oh-Randall-you-do-confound-me-so#2779020 there].
*Also the Wikipedia article on '{{w|Passphrase}}' is useful.
*In case you missed it in the explanation, GRC's Steve Gibson has a fantastic page [https://www.grc.com/haystack.htm] about this (and may have prompted this comic, as his podcast [https://www.grc.com/sn/sn-303.htm] about this was posted the month before this comic).
* This comic inspired [https://blog.acolyer.org/2015/10/29/how-to-memorize-a-random-60-bit-string/ How to memorize a random 60-bit string] scientific paper (link is to the article about paper, with paper itself linked)
* [https://github.com/dropbox/zxcvbn zxcvbn password strength estimator] thanks this comic for the inspiration in acknowledgements.
* CMU paper: [https://cups.cs.cmu.edu/soups/2012/proceedings/a7_Shay.pdf Correct horse battery staple: Exploring the usability of system-assigned passphrases]
* [https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/research/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Microsoft_Password_Guidance-1.pdf Microsoft Password Guidance] (page 8)
* [https://gizmodo.com/the-guy-who-invented-those-annoying-password-rules-now-1797643987 The Guy Who Invented Those Annoying Password Rules Now Regrets Wasting Your Time], August 8, 2017 (this comic is reproduced in the article).

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Math]]
[[Category:Computers]]
[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Computer security]]

1506: xkcloud/Transcript

2024-01-24T00:27:57Z

Tsuchinoko: /* Reason for data loss */

{{TOC}}
*This is a valiant effort to create a transcript for the ''continually''(?) growing dynamic comic [[1506: xkcloud]].
**The front page of the comic is [[1506: xkcloud#Transcript|transcribed]] as usual on the [[1506: xkcloud|main page]].
*See pictures of the other types of pages here: [[1506: xkcloud/Pictures of other pages|Pictures of other pages]].

==Intro==
*After clicking on the red button on the [[1506: xkcloud#Transcript|front page]] (only part of the transcript written on the main page for xkcd), you will see either:
**the [[#Help! We lost the text|Help! We lost the text]] page or
**the [[#Help! We lost the picture|Help! We lost the picture]] page.
*Both these pages are transcribed below.
**Here below the headings of the transcripts for the four pages, links directly to the section with the relevant images on the page with [[1506: xkcloud/Pictures of other pages|Pictures of other pages]].
*From there you have to choose either a picture to a text or a text to an image.
**If you press the ''Draw one your self'' button on the ''Help! We lost the picture'' this page will change slightly:
***[[#Draw one your self|Draw one your self]].
**When you then submit a picture, or if you just picked one of the five pictures or five text suggestions, or submitted a text your self, you will go to this page:
***[[#Help us recover more data|Help us recover more data]]
*From all pages you can go back to the [[1506: xkcloud#Transcript|front page]] by clicking on the image of Cueball at his desk.
*After completing the first post, there will always be seven post shown below (also if you go back to the front page).
**When you complete a post your new post will be shown together with six new.
**When you push a button to recover more data these seven posts (including "yours") will be shown instead of only six as to begin with.
**From here you can loop between these four pages (not counting the ''Draw one for your self'' as a separate page.)
*The above-mentioned pages are fully transcribed below.
*Also, there are lists for the following Randall created text and items:
**[[#Reason for data loss|Reason for data loss]]
**[[#User names|User names]]
**[[#User pictures|User pictures]] (a description of possible images next to users)
**[[#Like buttons|Like buttons]]
*Finally, there is all the user input text. This will probably be impossible to transcribe but a few examples should be provided as an example.
**These will be given here: [[#Post from users|Post from users]]
**Some of the picture can be seen on this page:
***[[1506: xkcloud/Pictures posted by users|Pictures posted by users]].

==[[1506: xkcloud/Pictures of other pages#Help.21 We lost the text page|Help! We lost the text]]==
:[At the top of the page there are the following text:]
:'''Help! we lost the text that goes with this post!'''
:[For cases where the user has to submit or select a text according to a picture.]
:Reason for data loss:
:[Here on this same line follows a text which is a random reason taken from a list created by [[Randall]]. See [[#Reason for data loss|examples below]].]

:[Below this text is a white box on top of the light blue background. It is the post mentioned above. At the top is a random user picture - could be a person or a galaxy etc (see [[#User pictures|descriptions below]]). Next to the picture is a random user name (see [[#User names|descriptions below]]). The picture can be used for several user names.]
:[Below the user name is the picture from the post. This picture is also chosen at random from a set which must mainly be created from user input. Randall must have given some input to start with though - at least five pictures (see [[#Help! We lost the picture|Help! We lost the picture]] section above).]

:[Below this and above five frames with text in two columns are this line of text:]
:Which text post do you think went with this picture?
:[The five texts below are from a random sample, created mainly by the users, but Randall must at least have made five to begin with. Some examples are [[#Post from users|transcribed here]].]
:[Below this is a box where you are invited to write and submit a text suggestion. In the box written in gray letters (rather than black, which it will turn to when you type something) are the following text:]
:Or, write your own
:[To the left is a button with the text:]
:Submit

:[By clicking on any of the five text boxes you get to a new page (see the [[#Help us recover more data|Help us recover more data]] page) where the chosen text is now standing above the picture from the post above. If you write a text and click the submit button your own text will be written above the picture.]

:[Below this submit text box is a thin black line. Below this to the left we again see Cueball sitting at his desk (as on the front page). If you click on the picture with Cueball you return to the front page.]
:Desk: XKCD.COM

:[Below him there are the following text and bulleted list:]
:Our policy regarding your personal data:

*Please stop sending us your personal data
*We are running out of places to put it
*Is this even yours?
*Does anyone recognize whose data this is?
*Oh jeez never mind here comes more data
*Why are you doing this
*Please stop
*Help
:[Below this list appeared late in the afternoon the following weak gray text:]
:Don't contact us

:[To the right below the thin black line are six post above each other with user picture and name above a post text and a picture. All six again random as mentioned above. Furthermore to the right above each picture (right of the first line - if there are multiple lines) of the post text are a blue like button that you can press. The buttons seems to be active links when you hover over them, but nothing happens when you click on them. The buttons have a thumbs up icon to the right. Next to the icon there is a random word taken from a list created by Randall. It seems to be from a list of words that are synonymous with want - see [[#Like buttons|below]].]

==[[1506: xkcloud/Pictures of other pages#Help.21 We lost the picture page|Help! We lost the picture]]==
:[At the top of the page there are the following text:]
:'''Help! We lost the picture that goes with this post!'''
:Reason for data loss:
:[Here on this same line follows a text which is a random reason taken from a list created by [[Randall]]. See [[#Reason for data loss|examples below]].]

:[Below this text is a white box on top of the light blue background. It is the post mentioned above. At the top is a random user picture - could be a person or a picture of a galaxy etc (see [[#User pictures|descriptions below]]). Next to the picture is a random user name (see [[#User names|descriptions below]]). The same picture can be used for several user names (and probably likewise).]
:[Below the user name is the text of the post. This text is also random and it must mainly be user input. Randall must have given some input to start with though - at least five sentences (see [[#Help! We lost the text|Help! We lost the text]] section below). Some examples are [[#Post from users|transcribed here]].]
:[Below is a blue rectangle where the missing picture should be. Instead there is only a white question mark:]
:'''?'''

:[Below this and above six picture frames in two rows is a line of text:]
:Which of these pictures do you think went with this post?
:[The five first pictures are from a random sample, created mainly by the users, but Randall must at least have made five to begin with. In the sixth and last picture frame the following text is written:]
:Draw one your self

:[By clicking on any of the five pictures you get to a new page (see the [[#Help us recover more data|Help us recover more data]] page) with the chosen picture now substituting the "?" in the post above with the chosen picture. If you click the Draw one your self the page will change slightly into the [[#Draw one your self|Draw one your self]] page - a page where you can do exactly this. From there you go to the other page mentioned before.]

:[Below these six frames is a thin black line. Below this to the left we again see Cueball sitting at his desk (as on the front page). If you click on the picture with Cueball you return to the front page.]
:Desk: XKCD.COM

:[Below him there are the following text and bulleted list:]
:Our policy regarding your personal data:

*Please stop sending us your personal data
*We are running out of places to put it
*Is this even yours?
*Does anyone recognize whose data this is?
*Oh jeez never mind here comes more data
*Why are you doing this
*Please stop
*Help
:[Below this list appeared late in the afternoon the following in light gray text:]
:Don't contact us ([https://euphoria.io/room/xkcd/ linking to this live chatroom])

:[To the right below the thin black line are six post above each other with user picture and name above a post text and a picture. All six again random as mentioned above. Furthermore to the right above each picture (right of the first line - if there are multiple lines) of the post text are a blue like button that you can press. The buttons seems to be active links when you hover over them, but nothing happens when you click on them. The buttons have a thumbs up icon to the right. Next to the icon there is a random word taken from a list created by Randall. It seems to be from a list of words that are synonymous with want - see [[#Like buttons|below]].]

==[[1506: xkcloud/Pictures of other pages#Draw one your self page|Draw one your self]]==
:[If you press the picture frame with the text ''Draw one your self'' on the [[#Help! We lost the picture|Help! We lost the picture]] page the page changes. It is not a new page. But below the white post frame with the blue rectangle with "?" there is now no longer six frames, but only one large frame. Above the frame is written:]
:Do your best to recreate the picture you think went with this post:

:[Below is a blank white frame with five tools to the left (pencil, eraser, redo, undo and delete all) and to the right you can choose between seven line thicknesses.]

:[Below this frame is a button on which it says:]
:Upload image
:[If you press this then you picture is uploaded and shown as part of the post on the [[#Help us recover more data|Help us recover more data]] page].

:[Below the image editor nothing has changed compared to before and everything beneath the thin black line is as before.]

==[[1506: xkcloud/Pictures of other pages#Help us recover more data page|Help us recover more data]]==
:[At the top of this third page (or fourth if coming from the paint a picture page) there are the following white text on a red button:]
:'''Help us recover more data'''

:[If you click this button you go back to one of the two pages that follows the front page that is the [[#Help! We lost the picture|Help! We lost the picture]] page or the [[#Help! We lost the text|Help! We lost the text]] page. So in this way a loop will begin. The only difference is that now there will be seven pictures instead of six at the bottom, and it will be the seven that was on this page - including the one you have been involved in at the top.]

:[Below this button is a thin black line. Below this to the left we again see Cueball sitting at his desk - same as with the two pages mentioned above as are the text given here below. If you click on the picture with Cueball you return to the front page.]
:Desk: XKCD.COM

:[Below him there are the following text and bulleted list:]
:Our policy regarding your personal data:

*Please stop sending us your personal data
*We are running out of places to put it
*Is this even yours?
*Does anyone recognize whose data this is?
*Oh jeez never mind here comes more data
*Why are you doing this
*Please stop
*Help
:[Below this list appeared late in the afternoon the following weak gray text:]
:Don't contact us

:[To the right below the thin black line are both the post you have just finished (either by connecting a text or image with the missing part or even typing or painting your self) as well as six other posts below "yours". They are stacked above each other with user picture and name above a post text and a picture. The other six are again random chosen - it is not the ones from the page where you should choose a text/image. Furthermore to the right above each picture (right of the first line - if there are multiple lines) of the post text is a blue "like button" that you can press. The buttons seems to be active links when you hover over them, but nothing happens when you click on them. The buttons have a thumbs up icon to the right. Next to the icon there is a random word taken from a list created by Randall. (It seems to be from a list of words that are synonymous with want - see [[#Like buttons|below]]). Above these buttons there (from late in the afternoon no April 1st) appear a word which by clicking it created a permalink:]
:Link
:[This is written over all the buttons for each of the possible posts.]

==Reason for data loss==
{| class="wikitable"
!Sentence
!Explanation
|-
| +++ OUT OF CHEESE ERROR. REDO FROM START +++
|A reference to Hex, the magical computer from Terry Pratchett's Discworld, which would occasionally emit this error
|-
|<%= reason %>
|A template used by server-side frameworks such as Rails, which would normally replace this line with the actual value of the "reason" variable.
|-
|a user's middle name was <nowiki></html></nowiki>
|Having a user name containing an html tag might cause issues in the server, similar to [[327: Exploits of a Mom]].
|-
|aol window in front of netscape window
|AOL (America Online, a dial-up online service popular in the 1990s) acquired Netscape (company that developed for the original commercial browser, precursor to Firefox) in 1998
|-
|Baby ur much 2 fast
|Lyrics from the Prince song "Little Red Corvette"
|-
|bookmarks migrated to Venezuela
|Bookmarks are typically migrated from one file folder to another so that they can be accessed by another browser, not to other countries.
|-
|butter didn't suit the works
|Reference to "Alice in Wonderland" — the Mad Hatter put butter into his watch to make it keep more accurate time, and explained "I used the very best butter, too."
|-
|butter overflow
|butter instead of buffer
|-
|butter to text interface not found
|A reference to speech-to-text interfaces, typically used by people who cannot see easily to enable them to use a computer.
|-
|butter underrun
|butter instead of buffer
|-
|cannot save, there's something gross on the S key
|A reference to the "Control-S" save shortcut on both Windows and Mac, and is saying that they are unable to activate the shortcut (thus saving the data) because there is "something gross" on it.
|-
|CAPTCHA response indicated parahuman intelligence
|A CAPTCHA is a tool which aims to prevent computer-generated submissions to an online form by asking the user a question which is easy for humans but (supposedly) hard for computers. In this case, the CAPTCHA detects {{w|parahuman}} intelligence rather than human intelligence.
|-
|cat-like typing detected
|When cats walk or sit on keyboards, they can type, which can be annoying. A program called [https://bitboost.com/pawsense/ PawSense] attempted to detect this and block the typed keystrokes to reduce inconvenience.
|-
|confirmation BIOS
|Pun on "confirmation bias" (a tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms one's preconceptions, leading to statistical errors); BIOS is part of a PC's hardware
|-
|could not evade skifree yeti
|{{w|SkiFree}} is an early 90s computer game that requires the player to ski down an endless slope. It's famous for a yeti that appears after the player reaches a certain distance, which then chases and eats the player. Possibly a reference to [[667: SkiFree]].
|-
|could not initialize sound blaster 16
|The Sound Blaster 16 is a PC sound card which used FM synthesis to play MIDI files, which was popular in the 1990s.
|-
|CRM-114 unit malfunctioning
|The CRM-114 unit's malfunction is the main plot device in the film Dr Strangelove
|-
|cumulonimbus #19 too rabbitlike
|A cumulonimbus is a type of cloud. This may be a reference to Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. The error suggests that the cloud looked too much like a rabbit.
|-
|data too big
|{{w|Out of memory}}
|-
|database configuration violates the Prime Directive
|The {{w|Prime Directive}} comes from {{w|Star Trek}}, and refers to the principle of not interfering with the natural development of primitive cultures. This error is implying that the database is being seen as a primitive life, and therefore the server is not allowed to make any changes to it.
|-
|Dave's not registered, man
|Cheech and Chong reference: "Dave's not here, man".
|-
|Desystematized chronodynamic balancing detected in VX Module core.
|References the VX community, which can be found on [https://www.reddit.com/r/VXJunkies/ its subreddit] and a WIP [https://vxmodules.wikia.com/wiki/VX_Wiki wiki]. The community is centered around making up technobabble about the fictional "VX" series of devices, without breaking character.
|-
|dictionary too stiff to read
|dictionary in addition to being a book where you can look up the definition of words can also be a data structure of key value pairings.
|-
|electrons too big, stuck in wafer
|"Wafer" refers to silicon or other material used as substrate for semiconductor fabrication.
|-
|ERR:INVALID DIM
|On the Texas Instruments TI-83 and TI-84 calculators, this is an error message shown [https://oakroadsystems.com/math/ti83oops.htm#x_InvalidDim in various situations].
|-
|error reading drive B. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abort,_Retry,_Fail%3F Abort, Retry, Fail?]
|A common error from MS-DOS, often caused by a failing floppy disk
|-
|error
|This error message is so uninformative as to be redundant.
|-
|error: error code [error] while decoding error code
|Similar to certain OS error messages which contain errors in themselves
|-
|error: operation completed successfully
|A somewhat common coding error in *nix programs. The program detected an error and tried to print the error using a function such as perror which prints a message based on the global variable errno. However, the error wasn't generated by a standard library routine so errno equals 0 (no error).
|-
|ethics in journalism
|Possibly a reference to the movement Gamergate, a group ostensibly dedicated to "ethics in video game journalism", but has been accused of misogyny and harassment.
|-
|eyelash! eyelash!
|Possibly a reference to [[1086: Eyelash Wish Log]]
|-
|files fell out
|Paper files (as would be stored in a filing cabinet) can be misplaced and items can fall out of them if mishandled. However, it would be unexpected for digital files to fall out in this way.
|-
|files overwritten with more interesting content
|
|-
|firewall caught fire
|Pun based on the inclusion of the term "fire" in "firewall"
|-
|floating point unit no longer afloat
|A floating point unit is a part of a CPU which can perform calculations on non-integers. The pun is that the floating point unit is not floating (as in on a liquid). Possibly a reference to the Jargon File's [https://www.catb.org/jargon/html/N/number-crunching.html#crunchly74-12-25 Crunchly comic].
|-
|food problematic
|Firefly quote
|-
|Friday squid blogging
|Security guru Bruce Schneier regularly posts a blog post with this title, and some squid related news, primarily as a discussion thread.
|-
|general uncertainty
|Possibly reference to the general uncertainty principle in Quantum Mechanics, which gives an upper limit for the accuracy of measuring two variables at the same time.
|-
|GSM filter change required
|Possibly referring to an electronic component used to filter out GSM frequencies. Unlike automotive oil filters, electronic filters don't require changing.
|-
|guru meditation #00000025.65045338 press left mouse button to continue
|A common error from the Commodore Amiga.
|-
|hard drive oil depleted
|Hard drives don't use oil/gas like cars do, so it would be strange for the oil to have depleted.
|-
|helvetica scenario
|A reference to the episode on Calcium from the BBC TV show Look Around You.
|-
|HTTP 403 and 3/4ths
|HTTP errors are emitted when an HTTP request (e.g. to download a web page) fails. 403 is Forbidden and 404 is Not Found; 403.75 is somewhere between the two. Reference to Harry Potter's Platform 9¾.
|-
|HTTP 418
|The 4xx class of status code is intended for cases in which the client seems to have erred. For example, the well known 404 is when the client requests a web page that doesn't exist. HTTP 418 is part of the {{w|HTCPCP|Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol}}, denoting "I am a teapot," and purportedly is used when sending an instruction to brew coffee to a teapot.
|-
|http is down
|Since all the traffic is being handled by http (or https), is http were truly down, it would be a conundrum.
|-
|hung up prematurely
|Possible reference to dialup modems: The server disconnected the phone line too soon.
|-
|I got pretty distracted trying to figure out how big space is
|Possible reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which purports that space is Really Big.
|-
|i hurt myself today / to see if i still feel
|Lyrics from "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails.
|-
|illegal carrot detected in mail queue
|carrot instead of caret
|-
|insufficient smoke for current mirror array
|Refers to the phrase 'smoke and mirrors'
|-
|lights are out, hard drive is taking a nap
|anthropomorphisation
|-
|[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lp0_on_fire lp0 on fire]
|lp0 is the printer port, there used to be a 'printer on fire' error/warning
|-
|Main Bus B Undervolt
|A line from Apollo 13, when the spaceship is 'having a problem'.
|-
|mean connection time exceeded
|"Maximum connection time exceeded" might be an error — by definition, some connections must last longer than the mean (average) connection time.
|-
|microwave running
|Both microwaves and Wifi operate on the same frequency and have been known to cause interference
|-
|minimum recursion depth not reached
|"Maximum recursion depth exceeded" would be an error -- "depth not exceeded" wouldn't be (and there is no minimum limit)
|-
|nanobots in the water
|The water could be part of a liquid cooling system for the servers.
|-
|not a hair question
|One of the error messages that the Bucket bot in the #xkcd IRC channel can emit is "That is not a hair question."
|-
|oh jeez there's a lot of you can you all just hang on for a second please oh frig this is so bad
|
|-
|our buffer runneth over
|Old-English style message for "buffer overrun" instead of more modern language. There were no computers yet at that time. Also a reference to the King James translation of Psalm 23, which includes the phrase "my cup runneth over".
|-
|out of electrons
|Flash memory program/erase cycles are related to electron charge. Once flash runs out of charge, no further writes might be committed.
|-
|out of monads
|Monads are a concept in functional programming languages, such as Haskell. They have a reputation for being hard to understand.
|-
|overcurrent undervolt caused by vacuum cleaner on same circuit
|
|-
|[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PC_LOAD_LETTER PC LOAD LETTER]
|Error message on older printers stating to add extra letter-size sheets, which has become known to be a very cryptic error message. Reference to the film {{w|Office Space}}.
|-
|Please Insert Riven CD 4
|{{w|Riven}} is a graphical adventure game by {{w|Cyan Worlds}} that was the sequel to {{w|Myst}}, released in 1997. Due to its large amount of image and video content it was on 5 compact discs, and when you traveled from one section of the game to another, it usually prompted you to insert a different CD to load that section's content.
|-
|PRESS PLAY ON TAPE
|The prompt given by a Commodore-64 when using the LOAD command (without a filename argument)
|-
|previously-recovered files overwritten by newly recovered ones
|
|-
|qubit indeterminate
|Possibly referring to quantum indeterminacy of qubits, which are used in quantum computing.
|-
|RDBMS completely forgot how inner joins work
|"Inner join" is a common SQL operation performed by a Relational DataBase Management System.
|-
|screws are stripped
|
|-
|server aperture too narrow for capital letters
|
|-
|server farm lost starbucks wifi signal
|Cloud servers do not normally use Wi-Fi to connect Internet.
|-
|server fell in ocean
|
|-
|server had too much to drink
|Servers are unlikely to have human style issues with drinking too much alcohol. This could also be an euphemism for water damage to the server.
|-
|server power cable stolen by raccoon for nest
|Server stopped running due to loss of power.
|-
|server room haunted
|Maybe a reference to an UVB-76 broadcast in 2001, which said "I am 143. Not receiving the generator." and "That stuff comes from hardware room." in Russian
|-
|sitemap was held upside down
|Sitemap refers to a website directory. Paper maps can be held upside down.
|-
|Something went wrong: Something went wrong (Something went wrong)
|similar to certain OS error messages which contain errors in themselves
|-
|soonerist sperver fid dot nile
|A {{w|spoonerism}} - spoonerist server did not find file
|-
|spin cycle still active
|Washing machines have a spin cycle. Hard-drives spin. CPUs have cycles.
|-
|spin number must be of the form n/2
|Quantum spin numbers (in atomic physics) must be integers or half-integers
|-
|spontaneous splinal dereticulation
|"Reticulating Splines" is a loading message in The Sims and SimCity video game series.
|-
|SQL ejection
|ejection instead of injection
|-
|subtle threading bug in turing-complete version numbering system
|Turing-complete version numbering may refer to a state machine traversing a complex graph of versions.
|-
|sysadmin trapped in well
|Reference to Timmy being trapped in a well.
|-
|tape on write-protect hole fell off
|Read-only floppy disks have a ''write-protect'' hole in the corner. A writable disk has no hole.<ref>https://oit.ua.edu/oit/services/it-service-desk/write-protect-a-floppy-diskette/</ref> It was common practice to convert read-only floppy disks (that could be obtained for free due to, e.g., shareware distribution at computer stores) into writable floppy disks by placing sticky tape over the hole.
|-
|temporal paradox
|
|-
|the butter you have dialed is invalid or no longer in service
|butter instead of number
|-
|the little plastic tab on the box the data's in broke off
|Floppy disks have read-only tab. They become permanently read-only once broken.
|-
|the server is temporarily permanent. Please try another also.
|
|-
|the system / is down
|Lyrics from [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILVfzx5Pe-A "The System is Down"], also known as Strongbad Techno. Possible additional reference to the '/' root filesystem on Unix/Linux.
|-
|This copy of Ubuntu is not genuine and you have not yet resolved this issue.
|Similar warnings betray proprietary software designed to break when used outside the terms of its license. Messages like this are unlikely to be found in free software like Ubuntu, where anti-features are largely inviable. A reference to "This copy of Windows is not genuine and you have not yet resolved this issue." seen on pirated Windows.
|-
|This page contains content from the Open Source Initiative, who have blocked it on copyright grounds.
|It would be ironic for the Open Source Initiative, which promotes sharing and modification, to prevent the sharing of the page for copyright reasons.
|-
|too many hands on the keyboard
|Possibly a reference to a scene in NCIS where two people simultaneously used the same keyboard to "double hack".
|-
|transfer interrupted by incoming fax
|Internet access used to be on dialup modems, which is also used for telephone calls or faxing. These can't operate at the same time.
|-
|TRIED TO READ 9TH SIDE OF 8 TRACK
|Eight-track tape is an obsolete format for recorded music; the tape itself only had two sides. Nine-track tape - much wider than eight-track tape - was used for computer data storage.
|-
|turns out server was on circuit with lightswitch by door
|If you turned out the lights as you left the room, it would power down the server.
|-
|Unable to cast variable of type Int32 to Magic Missile
|Magic Missile is a spell (which you can cast) in Dungeons & Dragons. Casting can also refer (in programming) to converting variables from one type to another, e.g. from integer to string. The pun here is that a 32-bit integer is being cast to the Magic Missile spell.
|-
|undefined is not a function, which really makes you think
|"Undefined is not a function" is a Javascript TypeError.
|-
|unexpected timezone drift desynchronization
|
|-
|unimplemented trap
|"Trap" refers to a computer operation code that is not implemented in the processor's instruction set and instead performs a system call. "Unimplemented trap" was an error message in some previous versions of MacOS.
|-
|User accepted terms but not conditions
|Normally, at an EULA you must accept 'terms and conditions'. There is basically no option to only agree to terms.
|-
|User is {{w|not a typewriter}}.
|A reference to the "isatty" function in the Unix C library, which reports whether a file descriptor is connected to a teletypewriter (terminal) or not. Interactive programs generally are intended to be used from a terminal.
|-
|user put spaces/vowels in filename
|Because early FAT file systems allowed only 8 characters in the filename, users often shortened names by removing the vowels. This ostensibly kept the file names readable, but under the 8-character limit. In practice, filenames without vowels were often misunderstood. Also, several programs (more so in the past) break when attempting to read from/write to files with spaces or reserved characters/non ASCII characters on their name.
|-
|UTF-31 decode error
|UTF-31 instead of UTF-32
|-
|virtual memory got too real
|Virtual memory is where the OS writes less-used parts of RAM to disk, so that the RAM can be used for another program, hence the less-used parts are in virtual memory. "This is getting too real" is an idiom meaning the person is approaching their wits' end.
|-
|wrong files
|
|-
|YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
|A line frequently announced by the Protoss advisor in Starcraft.
|}

==User names==
:[Below are possible (not all?) user names mentioned next to any post as for instance on the [[#Help! We lost the picture|Help! We lost the picture]] page.]
:[In alphabetical order:]
{| class="wikitable"
!Name
!Comment
|-
|@meganamram
|Megan Amram is a comedian and writer. She became well known through her Twitter Channel @meganamram <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megan_Amram</ref>
|-
|Addison1
|
|-
|Addison8
|
|-
|Agric Silverfinger
|Referring to "Auric Goldfinger" in the James Bond Franchise. (Gold = Au, Silver = Ag)
|-
|Aidan2
|
|-
|Aiden1
|
|-
|Aiden5
|
|-
|Aidenn Aberforth Milne
|{{w|A. A. Milne}} is the author of {{w|Winnie-the-Pooh}}. The A. A. stands for Alan Alexander. Aidan and Aberforth are both Characters in the Harry Potter series
|-
|Alice1956
|
|-
|Amanda08
|
|-
|Anonymous
|{{w|Anonymous}} as if most of these other names are not.
|-
|Apple Martin
|Apple Martin is the name of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's daughter.
|-
|Arthur17
|
|-
|Arthur19
|
|-
|Ashley8
|
|-
|Ashley92
|
|-
|Ashley2009
|
|-
|Austin72
|
|-
|Ayden1952
|
|-
|Bailey08
|
|-
|Bailey2001
|
|-
|Barbara1974
|
|-
|Benjamin1970
|
|-
|Benjamin Kenobi Sr
|{{w|Ben Kenobi}} or Obi-Wan Kenobi well known from {{w|Star Wars (film)|Star Wars}}. Since Ben had no kids this person could be his father.
|-
|Bool Hand Luke
|Portmanteau of the datatype {{w|Bool}} and the film {{w|Cool Hand Luke}}.
|-
|Brandi9
|
|-
|Brittany1
|
|-
|Caden14
|
|-
|Caden2010
|
|-
|Candice10
|
|-
|Carol04
|
|-
|Chad80
|
|-
|Charles18
|
|-
|Chelsea2006
|{{w|Chelsea_F.C.|Chelsea F.C.}} commemorated 100 years in 2005–2006.
|-
|Cheyenne15
|
|-
|Cheyenne1988
|Reference to the 1988 Chevrolet Cheyenne
|-
|Christina Applecare
|Portmanteau of actress {{w|Christina Applegate}} and {{w|Applecare}}
|-
|CMOS Def
|Portmanteau of {{w|CMOS}} and {{w|Mos Def}}.
|-
|Curic Copperfinger
|Referring to "Auric Goldfinger" in the James Bond Franchise. (Gold = Au, Copper = Cu)
|-
|Cynthia99
|
|-
|Cynthia1995
|
|-
|Dakota09
|
|-
|Dakota94
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|{{w|David St. Hubbins}}
|Character in the mockumentary film This Is Spinal Tap.
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|Delta Elroy Backslash
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|DragonBall Cooper
|Merging {{w|Dragon Ball}} with [[D. B. Cooper]]
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|Dunston Chexin
|Homonym of the film {{w|Dunston Checks In}}
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|Dustin46
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|Earl Sinclair
|{{w|Earl Sinclair}} is the Dinosaur family father from the {{w|Dinosaurs (TV series)|Dinosaurs TV series}}.
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|Egbert Bentley White
|{{w|E. B. White}} was an American Writer. The E. B. in his name stand for Elwyn Brooks. Egbert may also be a reference to John Egbert, a character from {{w|Homestuck}}, a webcomic that Randall has noted as one he enjoys.
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|{{w|Eliezer Yudkowsky}}
|An advocate for friendly artificial intelligence.
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|Elon Musk
|[[Elon Musk]] is the founder of {{w|SpaceX}} and a confounder of {{w|Paypal}} and of {{w|Tesla Motors}}.
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|Emily15
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|Eowyn L'Oreal James
|{{w|E. L. James}} is a British Author. Eowyn is a character in {{w|Lord of the Rings}}. L'Oreal is a brand of makeup.
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|Euphegenia Doubtfire
|{{w|Euphegenia Doubtfire}} is better known as Mrs. Doubtfire from the movie by the same name and played by {{w|Robin Williams}}.
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|Facebook Scott Fitzgerald
|{{w|F. Scott Fitzgerald}}, with F for Francis not Facebook, is widely regarded as one of the greatest American writers of the 20th century.
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|Flash Groupon
|Named after {{w|Flash Gordon}} the hero of a science fiction adventure of the same name (comic and movies/TV series).
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|Frances29
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|Gary8
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|George Debian Bush
|{{w|George W. Bush}}, commonly called "Dubya" after his middle initial to distinguish him from his father; 43rd {{w|President of the United States}}.
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|George Reagan Renesmee Martin
|{{w|George R. R. Martin|George Raymond Richard Martin}}, American novelist and screenwriter best known for his book series {{w|A Song of Fire and Ice}} and its television adaptation {{w|Game of Thrones}}; {{w|Ronald Reagan}}, the 40th {{w|President of the United States}}; {{w|List_of_Twilight_characters#Renesmee_Cullen|Renesmee Cullen}}, the daughter of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan in the novel {{w|Breaking Dawn}} of the {{w|Twilight (series)|Twilight saga}}.
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|Green Mario
|Luigi of the Mario Brothers is green while his brother Mario wears red. In Mario Bros and Super Mario Bros Luigi and Mario are identical apart from the color of their clothing.
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|Greg2004
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|Hatsy Collins
|Bootsy Collins' milliner brother.
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|Henry05
|{{w|Henry V (play)|Henry V}}?
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|Henry4
|{{W|Henry IV, Part 1|Henry IV}}?
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|Horsepower Lovecraft
|{{w|H. P. Lovecraft|Howard Phillips Lovecraft}}, an American author who achieved posthumous fame through his influential works of horror fiction; {{w|Horsepower}}, a common unit of measurement for the rate at which work is done ("power") commonly used in reference to engines.
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|J. Alfred Leftshark
|J. Alfred Prufrock from T. S. Eliot's poem {{w|The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock}}; "Left Shark" refers to one of the back-up dancers from {{w|Katy Perry}}'s performance at the {{w|Super Bowl XLIX halftime show}} who conspicuously danced out of beat.
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|Jack3
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|Jack39
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|Jaden Riley Rufio Tolkien
|{{w|J. R. R. Tolkien}}, author of {{w|The Hobbit}} and {{w|The Lord of the Rings}}; "J. R. R." stands for "John Ronald Reuel". "Jaden" perhaps from {{w|Jaden Smith}}; "Riley" is a {{w|Riley (given name)|Given Name}} and a common {{w|Riley (surname)|Surname}} but could refer to {{w|Life of Riley}} or the phrase that inspired it; "Rufio" refers either to the punk-rock band {{w|Rufio}}, the Lost Boy from the film {{W|Hook (film)|Hook}}, or one of {{w|Rufio (officer of Caesar)|Julius Caesar's officers}}.
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|Jaina Khloe Rowling
|{{w|J. K. Rowling}} author of {{w|Harry Potter}}. The J is for Joanne, the K is just to have a better {{w|pen name}}.
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|Jalen81
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|James URL Jones
|{{w|James Earl Jones}}, a prolific American stage and film actor most recognizable as the voice of {{w|Darth Vader}}; {{w|URL}} or "uniform resource locator" refers to the address of a webpage as displayed by a web browser in the address bar.
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|{{w|Jeph Jacques}}
|Jeph Jacques writes and illustrates the webcomic Questionable Content.
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|Jerry18
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|Joe Biden
|{{w|Joe Biden}} is the 47th (and current at the time of this comic) {{w|Vice President of the United States}}, jointly elected twice with President {{w|Barack Obama}} and in office since 2009.
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|John2
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|John Wilkes Knuth
|{{w|John Wilkes Booth}} was an American stage actor who assassinated President {{w|Abraham Lincoln}} at Ford's Theatre, in Washington, D.C., on April 14, 1865. {{w|Donald Knuth}} is a computer scientist, famous for his multi-volume work ''The Art of Computer Programming'' and for developing the TeX text type-setting system.
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|Kilroy
|As in {{w|Kilroy was here}}?
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|Larry Ronald Hubbard
|{{w|L. Ron Hubbard}} although the L. stands for Lafayette. Was an American author and the founder of the {{w|Church of Scientology}}.
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|Lauren Ibsen Dolores Amit
|This is a modified version of "{{w|Lorem ipsum}} dolor sit amet," the first words of a garbled Latin text often used as a substitute for real text where the text content is irrelevant, such as in a page used to display a typeface.
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|Livemau5
|Referring to {{w|deadmau5}}
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|Lord Gaga
|Referring to {{w|Lady Gaga}}
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|Lord Mondegreen
|The term "{{w|Mondegreen}}" for a misheard word was coined in the essay "The Death of Lady Mondegreen"
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|Louis Reasoner
|A character in the textbook {{w|Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs}}.
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|Madison19
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|{{w|Marissa Mayer}}
|The President and CEO of Yahoo
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|Mark Zuckerberg
|{{w|Mark Zuckerberg}} is the founder of {{w|Facebook}}
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|Martin Van Halen
|{{w|Martin Van Buren}}, 8th President of the United States, combined with the band {{w|Van Halen}}.
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|Matthew2006
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|Mavis Bitcoin
|{{w|Bitcoin}} is an on-line payment system. The use of the name {{w|Mavis}} was initiated by {{w|Marie Corelli|Marie Corelli's}} 1895 novel ''{{w|The Sorrows of Satan}}''. Maybe Randall gives away his opinion on the Bitcoin concept in this name? Or perhaps the fictional character from Brøderbund's ''{{w|Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing}}''?
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|Minecraft Holmes
|A portmanteau of the game {{w|Minecraft}} and the character {{w|Mycroft Holmes}}
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|Misty3
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|Myspace Tom
|{{w|Myspace}} was co-founded by {{w|Tom Anderson}}.
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|Norton Ghost Dad
|A portmanteau of the software {{w|Norton Ghost}} and the film {{w|Ghost Dad}}.
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|Notorious L.H.C.
|Portmanteau of rapper {{w|The_Notorious_B.I.G.|Notorious B.I.G.}} and the {{w|LHC}}.
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|Padme Dorothy James
|{{w|P. D. James}} is a British Author. {{w|Padme}} is a Star Wars character. (Dorothy is actually P. D. James' middle name)
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|Player One
|In old computer games
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|In old computer games
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|[https://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Dukat Dukat, S.G.], better known as "Gul Dukat" of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
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|{{w|Sidd Finch}}
|The subject of the notorious article and April Fools' Day hoax "The Curious Case of Sidd Finch"
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|[https://bobs-burgers.wikia.com/wiki/Tina_Belcher Tina Belcher]
|A character in {{w|Bob's Burgers}}
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|Wil
|{{w|Wil Wheaton}}'s [https://reddit.com/user/wil reddit username].
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|Wric Tungstenfinger
|Referring to "Auric Goldfinger" in the James Bond Franchise. (Gold = Au, Tungsten = W)
|}

==User pictures==
:[Below are descriptions of possible (not all?) user pictures shown next to any user name as for instance on the [[#Help! We lost the picture|Help! We lost the picture]] page.]
:[The 20 user images can be directly accessed on xkcd from https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-1.png to https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-20.png.]
:[Picture of all users in number order from User-1 to User-2, ordered left to right, top to bottom:
:[[File:All users.png]]]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-1.png User-1 Knit Cap] [See [[Knit Cap]]]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-2.png User-2 Man with black hair] [Could be [[Hairy]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-3.png User-3 Baseball]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-4.png User-4 White silhouette]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-5.png User-5 Galaxy with jets from central black hole] (Similar picture can be found in [[505: A Bunch of Rocks]].)
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-6.png User-6 White planet Saturn with ''Space kills'' written above and below the planet]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-7.png User-7 Squirrel] [xkcd has had squirrels as a theme for a long time - see [[1503: Squirrel Plan]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-8.png User-8 Squirrel close up]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-9.png User-9 Beret Guy with hair] [So not [[Beret Guy]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-10.png User-10 Man with Gray Hat] [So neither [[Black Hat]] nor [[White Hat]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-11.png User-11 Penrose triangle] [A {{w|Penrose triangle}}]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-12.png User-12 Standing hairy man] [Could be [[Hairy]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-13.png User-13 e<sup>iπ</sup>≈0]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-14.png User-14 Running black haired girl] [Could be [[Megan]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-15.png User-15 Walking hairy man] [Could be [[Hairy]].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-16.png User-16 Close up of male face with black hair on a gray background]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-17.png User-17 Flying girl plus more in background] [Could be [[Megan]] from [[1416: Pixels]]. See also [[353: Python]]]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-18.png User-18 Hairy stick figure from a far distance]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-19.png User-19 Hair stick figure on a skateboard] [Could be [[Megan]]. She has been seen on [https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php?search=megan+skateboard&go=Go&title=Special%3ASearch skateboards].]
*[https://imgs.xkcd.com/xkcloud/user-20.png User-20 Hairy stick figure fencing] [Could be [[Megan]]].

==Like buttons==
:[xkcloud has "''Like''" buttons next to each post (next to the post text above the picture), similar to those on Facebook, but with random text from this alphabetical list below where all words are [https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/want synonyms for want].]
*Covet
*Crave
*Hanker
*Thirst
*Yearn

==Post from users==
:[Some of the picture can be seen on this page: [[1506: xkcloud/Pictures posted by users|Pictures posted by users]].]
:[It will likely be impossible to transcribe all this as it is user input, and thus not Randall's own text. But at least a few examples should be given here as a reference. If anyone wish to expand beyond a few feel free to contribute.]
*Meritocracy is a pipe dream
''The Mushroom Kingdom (from Super Mario Bros.) is a monarchic meritocracy''
*The prophecy was true!
*The tea party was right about GMO bicycles
*Everything makes sense now
*Turkey drumstick Stonehenge was surprisingly compelling
*I've made a huge mistake
*Um, I think somethings wrong with my carrot...
*The rest is darkness and decay
*Howerboard to full power!
*My hobby: Freaking people out
*Is this real life?
''Reference to Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody''
*Where should I put this new cool tatto?

*Exact composition of this... thing... is yet to be determined.
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*Man, that cool-ade guy really lost some weight lately.
*Lol, no I didn't jump
*In hindsight, it makes perfect sense
*Whoops I left the Lens Cap on for this one. :S
*Duck Duck Go's secret algorithm
''Duck Duck Go is a search engine which doesn't track you. Somewhat ironically, their algorithm is a bit secretive''
*This isn't where I parked my zeppelin!
*Who stepped on my pop tart?
*Big Ben is going down
*Do my feet look fat?
*I say; Nuts to that!
*I can take photo's with my teeth!
*To infinity and birdyond!
''Reference to Toystory''
*I wish I could afford the monopolar model...
*I can control the BEES! But I only make them turn right
*the saddest moment of my childhood
*hey, so, we need to talk about your sphere-packing problem.

==References==
<references/>

{{DEFAULTSORT:1506}}
[[Category:Comic subpages]]

Talk:1714: Volcano Types

2024-01-23T23:11:48Z

Tsuchinoko: Deleted Reddit post

Actual antlions, not to be confused with the antlions from Half-Life 2. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.52.62|173.245.52.62]] 15:08, 1 August 2016 (UTC)

I think pedant's bane actually has them labelled correctly. It's just that the picture is upside down and you've reversed the figure and the ground in your mind. Were it right-side-up, you'd see It's actually a drawing of a teeny pool of underground magma at the bottom of an antlion's trap, spouting up a fountain of lava. {{unsigned ip|199.27.133.107}}
:I can't tell if you're joking or not. A pedant is someone who cares (maybe too much) about being technically correct. The bane of a volcano pedant would be people who mix up lava and magma. This is why the labels are reversed in the figure. [[Special:Contributions/173.245.52.62|173.245.52.62]] 16:27, 1 August 2016 (UTC)
::Exactly. But what's the description going on about? "''Pedant's Bane is therefore impossible by definition but if it were possible, then a pedant correcting someone's description of it would be wrong.''" What is all that rubbish supposed to mean? The explanation is not supposed to require explaining! If the terms refer to the same material but in different situations then they're wrong in the two situations illustrated, and thus should be corrected, especially by a pedant. Where does "impossible by definition" come into it? [[Special:Contributions/198.41.238.32|198.41.238.32]] 22:57, 1 August 2016 (UTC)

Who here was hoping for Harry Potter???? [RedstoneIngot] [[Special:Contributions/173.245.56.60|173.245.56.60]] 20:07, 1 August 2016 (UTC)

Made a very small change, but sarlacc is not supposed to be capitalized (checked both Wikipedia and Wookieepedia). [[User:Spaceside|Spaceside]] ([[User talk:Spaceside|talk]]) 23:02, 1 August 2016 (UTC)

The explanation of "Doot Cone" makes no sense. The "Skull trumpet" Know Your Meme page does not discuss the word "doot" at all, only shows it in some pictures. It doesn't seem to be a significant part of the meme, as it doesn't feature in the animation or its early variants. It just happens to be the first hit when you Google "doot." It makes just as much sense to assume that it's a play on "[https://www.amazon.com/Florida-DOT-Approved-Traffic-Cone/dp/B009RUTKZA DOT cone]," as in the orange cones used by the Department of Transportation (which are sometimes stenciled with "DOT.")
[[Special:Contributions/199.27.128.142|199.27.128.142]] 01:11, 2 August 2016 (UTC)

Re: Doot Cone

"Doot" is actually a significant part of the skull trumpet meme -- meant to represent the sound in the original skull trumpet video. It's strange the KYM page doesn't refer to "doot" specifically. See a relevant reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/39xnk2/what_is_this_doot_thing_with_the_skeletons/cs7jdsa

However, I'd agree that the evidence is not strong for the doot cone being a reference to this.

[[Special:Contributions/108.162.219.10|108.162.219.10]] 01:36, 2 August 2016 (UTC)
:Before I read the explanation (and the KYM entry) in my imagination the sound was more like that of a foghorn or a ship's horn. I've never heard of that meme before. And even now I feel it hard to imagine a BIG volcano making the comparatively high pitched sound of a trumpet. [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 07:18, 2 August 2016 (UTC)
::Whereas it's perfectly easy to imagine a waffle cone or an inverted volcano :-) [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.90|141.101.98.90]] 10:12, 3 August 2016 (UTC)
::: Exactly ;) [[User:Elektrizikekswerk|Elektrizikekswerk]] ([[User talk:Elektrizikekswerk|talk]]) 13:04, 3 August 2016 (UTC)

It would look out of place next to the profile drawings, but <span style="border: 1px solid black"><big>☻</big></span> is Kilauea's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8PuMOsdwm0 Watchmen crater]. [[User:.42|.42]] ([[User talk:.42|talk]]) 12:14, 2 August 2016 (UTC)

For the ghost vent - is this actually a reference to the ghost generators in Gauntlet? Andrew Williams {{unsigned ip|141.101.104.100}}

My first thought for the ghost vent was in Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials, ghosts (souls?) in the underworld are let out of a vent to rejoin the universe as had originally been intended {{unsigned|FantasiaWHT}}

Does the metasomma volcano remind anyone else of an HNMR spec?[[User:Killerbeez|Killerbeez]] ([[User talk:Killerbeez|talk]]) 21:39, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

Yep. Probably six hydrogens SOMEWHERE near that volcano. [[User: Calculus|Calculus]] ([[User talk: Calculus]]) 12 December 2016

Honestly, I just thought that the "Doot Cone" was just supposed to be a stupid sound. {{unsigned ip|108.162.241.43}}

It's common, at least in my area, for ice cream cones to be served upside down in cups. Randall lives in New England like me, so he'd have encountered this even if it's just local. [[User:Gmcgath|Gmcgath]] ([[User talk:Gmcgath|talk]]) 13:20, 28 October 2016 (UTC)

The Reddit post linked for the doot skeleton meme has been deleted. I don’t know what the contents were so I can’t find a replacement. [[User:Tsuchinoko|tsuchinoko real]] ([[User talk:Tsuchinoko|talk]]) 23:11, 23 January 2024 (UTC)

Talk:1535: Words for Pets

2024-01-23T14:53:21Z

Tsuchinoko:

I skipped the first step by naming my cat "Cat". On the plus side, even in the third year I was still mostly calling her by her name. --[[Special:Contributions/108.162.254.134|108.162.254.134]] 08:06, 8 June 2015 (UTC)
:My cat is also named "Cat". Then again, I call all cats "Cat". [[Special:Contributions/108.162.210.138|108.162.210.138]] 19:00, 8 June 2015 (UTC)
:My cat is also named Cat. We recently adopted a kitten and named her, what else, Kit. [[User:Tsuchinoko|tsuchinoko real]] ([[User talk:Tsuchinoko|talk]]) 14:53, 23 January 2024 (UTC)

Not sure this is relevant enough to include, but there's [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ADogNamedDog a trope about that] [[Special:Contributions/188.114.111.224|188.114.111.224]] 11:39, 8 June 2015 (UTC)

I interpreted this slightly differently. In the first year, the pet is fresh and new, and you put the effort in to call it by its name. As time goes on, you get sloppier about it. In addition, I believe he missed a ring from it: Expletives. Within a year of having a new cat, I was calling it more by expletives than its name. [[User:Drmouse|Drmouse]] ([[User talk:Drmouse|talk]]) 14:24, 8 June 2015 (UTC)
:I thought expletives were deliberately implied, so I'm very surprised they are not mentioned in the explanation. [[Special:Contributions/198.41.239.231|198.41.239.231]] 23:50, 8 June 2015 (UTC)

I disagree with the explanation. The comic is about words used to refer to the pet, i.e. to name the pet when talking to someone else, not to talk to the pet. For instance "I forgot to feed Lassie" might later become "I forgot to feed the dog", then "I forgot to feed the damn thing" or whatever. Am I the only one to understand "refer" like this?
Zetfr 16:53, 8 June 2015 (UTC)
:In my household at least, we use the animal's species as its name. For example, instead of "Have you fed Lassie?", we may say " Have you fed Dog?". I think is what Randall is implying. [[Special:Contributions/141.101.98.29|141.101.98.29]] 17:00, 8 June 2015 (UTC)
::Since he begins to refer to the animal in the animals language, I would say that only makes sense if he talks to the animal. However the way the caption is phrased it could be understood the way he talks about the animal. So I think it is impossible to say that one explanation is correct and the other is wrong. Maybe that should be mentioned in explain. --[[User:Kynde|Kynde]] ([[User talk:Kynde|talk]]) 18:14, 8 June 2015 (UTC)

:::Agreed. [[Special:Contributions/188.114.97.151|188.114.97.151]] 23:24, 28 December 2015 (UTC)

I got a completely different idea to this, the relationship is one of friendship, not parentage, so the moving from name to associated to other words to sounds would be more like Hey Lassie -> Hey Dog -> Hey Fatso -> Ugh, Oi. This shows more the common friendship trope of insulting one another in a humorous way, which seems far more likely than transitioning into some kind of hybrid language for all bar the most "maternal" of owners. [[User:Hackerjack|Hackerjack]] ([[User talk:Hackerjack|talk]]) 22:40, 8 June 2015 (UTC)
:I agree here. With our cat it was Hi Blaser -> Hi Cat -> You little **** -> Oi, you -> "Maw?" [[User:Drmouse|Drmouse]] ([[User talk:Drmouse|talk]]) 09:08, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

The "You little ****" is something I can definitely attest to. A friend of mine keeps calling his cats assholes and similar words, so often that I have a hard time remembering their actual names. "come here" isn't how one "refers to" a pet, it's how one might call a pet, which isn't what the comic is about at all... [[User:Maplestrip|Maplestrip]] ([[User talk:Maplestrip|talk]]) 09:15, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

:I call my dog "plague" (makes more sense in our dialect of Portuguese). [[Special:Contributions/188.114.97.151|188.114.97.151]] 23:24, 28 December 2015 (UTC)
:: Was it a black dog, by any chance? [[User:Brenda|Brenda]] ([[User talk:Brenda|talk]]) 11:36, 20 April 2019 (UTC)

I wouldn't say Randall is restricting this comic to either of the two major possibilities: speaking to the pet, or speaking about the pet. It could well be a mixture of both.
We have a cat whose name is "Pwca" (Welsh spelling, same as "Pooka" as in the Jimmy Stewart movie "Harvey") but the name varies between "Pwca" and "Picklebean" and just "Bean" right along with "silly kitty" and "funny girl" and other descriptive words. She has a typical little short chirp that she uses to get our attention or to complain about something, and we often chirp back to her, so that would be "the pet's own language." My daughter's cat "Minnie" is "Minners" or "Minimum" or "Min-Min" or again, descriptive terms. You could certainly argue that some of those words are borderline incoherent. In most cases, they can be used while speaking either /to/ the pet, or /of/ the pet to a third party (or sometimes to the universe at large.)
Note that the phrase "pet name" has a double meaning, with 'pet' either a noun or an adjective, and in the latter case usually not actually referring to a pet.[[User:Taibhse|Taibhse]] ([[User talk:Taibhse|talk]]) 00:43, 10 June 2015 (UTC)

Randall talks to cats: [http://xkcd.com/231/ 231] {{unsigned ip|108.162.219.83}}

I thought it is Vienn diagram not Euler diagram {{unsigned ip|108.162.254.47}}

I call my kitty "foofy butt," "foofbutt," "fluffbutt," "plushbutt," "puffbutt," "squishy," [gibberish cooing], "meow meow," "hairy baby" (BH6 is my favorite animated movie), identical meows to his, and sometimes, occasionally, his actual name Mitu. Or Mittu My mom spells it differently than me. For the longest time, autocorrect autocorrected his name to MIT. xD Now all I can picture is me stroking the dome of one of the best schools in the entire world like it's a kitty. KITTY.

I miss him. He has lung cancer, and is at home, and I'm away at college. My poor little foofehbutt :c
[[User:International Space Station|International Space Station]] ([[User talk:International Space Station|talk]]) 05:20, 7 October 2015 (UTC)

If you just listened to what my mother called her cats throughout the day you'd think their names were "Trouble" "You Ratbag" and "Get down off that!" -Pennpenn [[Special:Contributions/108.162.250.162|108.162.250.162]] 01:22, 15 January 2016 (UTC)

By the time my parents' dog died her name had expanded from 'Lucy' to 'Lucius Germanicus P. Codwagon the Great' and my dad would talk about how she got lost up in the frozen spruce country and saw the Wendigo. To be fair she was like 14 by that point, so it's possible that we had reached past talking to her in her language to achieve complete screaming psychosis. She seemed to enjoy being told spooky stories about herself, though, so that was okay. [[Special:Contributions/162.158.59.142|162.158.59.142]] 04:44, 7 August 2017 (UTC)

Maybe it's just me, but I interpreted it as referring to the gradual transition where the pets name is gradually morphed into something else and/or it's given a nickname, which also eventually morphs. I once had a cat named "Smoky", which became "Swiss Mocha", and eventually "Bin-Bin" (I forget how exactly". My dog "Rasta" eventually became "Googer" or "Biggur" (I think that was "Good girl" and "Big girl" originally; "Biggoogurl" was also used sometimes). "Pupplet" and "Dogalog" also saw use. Her actual name is reserved for when she is bad or I'm trying to get her attention when she's running around outside. [[Special:Contributions/172.68.54.22|172.68.54.22]] 06:52, 7 January 2018 (UTC)
:We have a dog named Gypsy, and that somehow became "Dipper". [[User:PoolloverNathan|PoolloverNathan]] ([[User talk:PoolloverNathan|talk]]) 17:13, 19 January 2021 (UTC)

i call my dog a dingus, which turns into a dongus or donkus or doinkus. also for cats, good kitty --> gooky [[Special:Contributions/172.69.71.143|172.69.71.143]] 14:28, 28 September 2021 (UTC)Bumpf

there are no cats. there are just small fluffies. {{User:PoolloverNathan/Signature}} 16:57, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

after 13 years, i have arrived at the point where i call my cat "splunkus", "deplorable gollompus" or just "plump beast" [[Special:Contributions/108.162.221.102|108.162.221.102]] 12:42, 6 November 2023 (UTC)

1630: Quadcopter

2022-10-27T21:14:14Z

Tsuchinoko: Changed punctuation

{{comic
| number = 1630
| date = January 15, 2016
| title = Quadcopter
| image = quadcopter.png
| titletext = I always have to turn off nature documentaries when they show these scenes.
}}

==Explanation==
There is large controversy over unmanned small-scale {{w|Quadcopter|quadcopters}}, which are a type of ''{{w|Unmanned aerial vehicle|radio-controlled helicopter}}''. Some people have objections towards the usage of quadcopters as, if equipped with cameras, they can potentially interfere with personal privacy and may pose a physical aerial hazard.

For this reason the US {{w|Federal Aviation Administration}} is now requiring any "drone" (unmanned aerial vehicle) to be registered so that it can find out whose fault it might be that a quadcopter interfered with commercial aircraft—or carried off a citizen to be devoured.

This comic takes place during such a lesson where [[Cueball]] is a teacher of such a class. He is standing in front of his students ([[Megan]], [[Ponytail]] and another Cueball-like guy), presenting the class. He has a quadcopter ready, lying on the ground behind him, and has already handed the remote control to the other guy so he can try it once the introduction is over.

But then the teacher is attacked by three rogue quadcopters flying in from behind him. They grab him and lift him off the ground (a very complicated maneuver) and fly away with him. Meanwhile, his students just stand there watching and do nothing to help him. Afterwards Megan asks if they should actually have tried to help him, but then Ponytail takes the view that now that the drones are sentient, they have become a part of nature, and that you should not interfere but just "let nature take its course". This is a common comment in nature programs about wildlife, where the speaker tries to explain why the team that was there to film the animals dying did nothing to help them - because they will not interfere with nature. This would not be possible in real life assuming they weren't using secret military technology as Cueball outweighs the drones by several factors. {{Citation needed}}

This comic shows how hypocritical that comment is, because if a lion decides to kill and eat humans, that would be natural, but we would do anything in our power to kill this lion, and not just let it run off with our children or the old and weak people. So in such a case with Cueball being taken by wild quadcopters we would not just let nature takes its course.

There is currently a drone called {{w|MQ-1 Predator}} which is used a lot by the {{w|CIA}} and {{w|USAF}}. Although it's not a quad-copter, the idea behind this comic could come from drone names just like this. Here the comic takes the name literally, giving drones predatory behavior. This comic thus takes people's worries to the extreme, suggesting that the drones become sentient and can cooperate together just like a {{w|Pack (canine)|pack}} of {{w|wolves}} and grab a human being and fly off with him like an {{w|eagle}} would do with a smaller animal.

The title text refers back to the above as [[Randall]] confesses that he has to turn off any nature documentaries which show scenes of animals killing their prey, while the speaker tells that this would be part of nature. This continues the theme of treating drones as an occasionally-ugly but accepted part of nature.

Sentient quadcopters were part of the game in [[1608: Hoverboard]], where [http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/7/7c/1608_0950x1084y_Quadcopters_over_lava_lake_right.png one quadcopter is speaking to the other] over the lava lake in the Mount Doom crater to the left. How to solve the problem of too many drones was mentioned in [[1523: Microdrones]]. Just over a week before this comic was released another comic also had as subject a situation where our technological inventions begins to take control over us, see [[1626: Judgment Day]]. Comparing drones to animals is also present in [[1881: Drone Training]], when Black Hat Guy asks for a spray bottle for his drone.

==Transcript==
:[Cueball to the left talks to Megan, Ponytail and a Cueball-like person, with a remote control. They are standing to the right. Behind Cueball, on the ground, there is a quadcopter.]
:Cueball: Welcome to Quadcopter-flying school.

:[Cueball looks over his shoulder as three other quadcopters fly in towards him from above and left. The other three people are in the same position.]
:Cueball: Today we'll be learning the basics of-
:Cueball: ...Uhh...

:[In this frameless image the three quadcopters all grabs hold of Cueball, two in each of his arms, one takes hold of his legs. And then they lift him up from the ground. He is thus hanging almost horizontally, with his head over Megan and his feet over the place where he stood before. The other three just stands there looking up at him.]
:Cueball: Um

:[Cueball is carried off by quadcopters, his head has already exited the top right corner, only his legs and the last quadcopter still in the frame. The other three have turned around looking up and right after him.]

:[Megan looks down again and the other two turns towards Megan. Cueball is gone and has only left his "tame" quadcopter behind on the ground.]
:Megan: Should we have helped?
:Ponytail: No. It's cruel, but we have to let nature take its course.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Artificial Intelligence]]
[[Category:Drones]]

1691: Optimization

2022-10-24T19:41:48Z

Tsuchinoko: Added category

{{comic
| number = 1691
| date = June 8, 2016
| title = Optimization
| image = optimization.png
| titletext = Premature optimization is the root of all evil, so to start this project I'd better come up with a system that can determine whether a possible optimization is premature or not.
}}

==Explanation==
In computing, {{w|program optimization}} is the practice of making a computer program work as quickly as possible, typically by designing it to perform the fewest calculations. "{{w|Premature optimization}}" is the practice of trying to optimize parts of a program before such optimization has been shown to be needed. Optimization can prove to have been a waste of time if parts of the program are later changed or discarded, or if the optimized code is only a small part of the workload. Making a routine 10 times faster doesn't help much if that routine is only consuming 1% of the running time to begin with and it may result in more complicated and buggier code.

This comic is a flowchart making fun of the difference between prematurely optimizing and doing things right in the first place: it tells you that if you are using it to decide whether you are optimizing prematurely, then you're optimizing prematurely. The humorous conclusion is that if there is any doubt whether an optimization is ''premature'', then it is ''premature''!

Another layer of humor is provided by the minimalism and directness of the flowchart, which suggests that it has itself been (prematurely?) optimized.

The title text's ''root of all evil'' refers to {{w|Donald Knuth}}'s paper "Structured Programming with Goto statements" (1974)<ref name="p261-knuth.pdf">Computing Surveys, Vol 6, No 4, December 1974: http://web.archive.org/web/20130731202547/http://pplab.snu.ac.kr/courses/adv_pl05/papers/p261-knuth.pdf</ref> in which he wrote:
<blockquote>
"There is no doubt that the grail of efficiency leads to abuse. Programmers waste enormous amounts of time thinking about, or worrying about, the speed of noncritical parts of their programs, and these attempts at efficiency actually have a strong negative impact when debugging and maintenance are considered. We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time: '''premature optimization is the root of all evil'''. Yet we should not pass up our opportunities in that critical 3%."
</blockquote>
The title text takes the joke a step further by proposing optimizing a brand new project by introducing a procedure to determine whether a possible optimization is premature - which is obviously a premature optimization. It pokes fun at time-wasting behavior by obsessively perfectionist coders who develop tools to analyze aspects of their software, such as performance. In some fields, such as compilers or database design, such tools can be useful and productive (the 3% mentioned by Knuth?), but the usage suggested here is more appropriately covered by instinct, common sense, and observation of the behavior of the completed program.

The title text may also be poking fun at the comic, since the comic itself may be the "system" used to determine premature optimization.

Flowcharts are [[:Category:Flowcharts|often used in xkcd]] including the (mostly) non-farcical [[1688: Map Age Guide]] one week prior to this comic. Inefficiency (another xkcd theme) was featured in the [[1690: Time-Tracking Software|comic prior to this one]].

==Transcript==
:[A flow chart is shown with three boxes connected with two arrows. The first box is rectangular:]
:Are you '''''prematurely optimizing''''' or just '''''taking time to do things right?'''''

:[From the first box there is a short arrow straight down to a diamond shaped box:]
:Are you consulting a flowchart to answer this question?

:[A labeled arrow continues down.]
:Yes

:[The arrow connects to the final rectangular box.]
:You are prematurely optimizing

==References==
<references />

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Flowcharts]]
[[Category:Time management]]

1256: Questions

2022-10-22T16:12:38Z

Tsuchinoko: /* Section Ten */

{{comic
| number = 1256
| date = August 26, 2013
| title = Questions
| image = questions.png
| titletext = To whoever typed 'why is arwen dying': GOOD. FUCKING. QUESTION.
}}
A larger version of the picture can be found in http://xkcd.com/1256/large/.
==Explanation==
{{w|Google}}, a rather popular{{citation needed}} internet search engine, has a feature known as [https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/106230?hl=en autocomplete] that guesses at search queries before they are fully typed out. These guesses are generally made based on popular searches by other people. From time to time, a particularly strange or hilarious one may be found, as is evidenced in this comic.

The largest pictured questions are: "Why are there slaves in the bible" and "Why are there ants in my laptop".

All of the questions in the comic are "why" questions, so many of them are predicated on false assumptions, such as "Why are there pyramids on the moon". Originally, all these questions and many more (33,171 in total) could be found at http://xkcd.com/why.txt. ([https://web.archive.org/web/20170510061043/https://xkcd.com/why.txt Archived Version])

Regarding the title text: in the Peter Jackson films of {{w|The Lord of the Rings (film series)|''The Lord of the Rings'' trilogy}}, Arwen becomes sickly for unspecified reasons as the plot advances, apparently giving Aragorn a more personal reason to fight. The only explanation given is by Elrond, who says "As Sauron's power grows, her [Arwen's] strength wanes." This subplot is entirely absent from the {{w|The Lord of the Rings|original novels}}.

From [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167260/faq#.2.1.21 IMDB]: <br /><blockquote>
Arwen, like her father (and brothers) is considered to be a Half-Elf, the result of a union between an Elf and a mortal human. The Half-Elven of Middle-earth get a choice, to remain immortal and return to the West (Valinor) or to become mortal and to die as humans do. Elrond chose to remain an Elf. Arwen (like her uncle Elros) chooses to become mortal in order to wed and remain with Aragorn. Elrond senses this; this is what he means when he says that Arwen is dying. It is the same as in The Last Unicorn, when the unicorn is given the form of a human woman and can feel that she is no longer immortal ("I can feel this body dying all around me"). According to Tolkien, though, after Aragorn dies in the year 120 (Fourth Age), Arwen returns to Lórien, where she dies by choice the following winter. </blockquote>

==Selected answers==
The tables below have been created so as to split the comic into almost entirely arbitrary blocks, which have then been identified with similarly arbitrary numbers. As a general rule, section numbers work top to bottom, then right to left.
===Illustrated Panels===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
|Why aren't my arms growing?||Arms stop growing because longer arms would not be a very useful way to spend resources. Human DNA has programmed the body to gradually ossify (turn to bone) the growing arms and legs, closing the {{w|epiphyseal plate}} (the flat plate at the end of each long bone), at which point they stop growing. Alternately, the muscles of the arm, which may have been the intended subject of the question, may fail to grow if not exercised with appropriate resistance, repetition or frequency; if nutrition is insufficient; if insufficient recovery time is given; or if sufficient levels of certain hormones like growth hormone or testosterone are not present.
|-
|Why are there ghosts?||There is no hard evidence of ghosts. The reason you are seeing ghosts could be {{w|pareidolia}} or some cognitive bias.
|-
|Why are there squirrels?||Squirrels are the product of a long sequence of evolution, like any other animal. They persist because they effectively reproduce and compete for resources within their niche, but they are also the product of many circumstantial events that has led to them being the way they are.
|-
|Why is sex so important?||Sex is important biologically because it is the primary method of reproduction in many different species, and culturally because it both plays an important role in human relationship and causes hard-to-control urges that affect behaviour. However, it can be of varying importance to different people (see [http://www.asexuality.org/home/?q=overview.html asexuality]).
|-
| Why aren't there guns in Harry Potter? || In the ''{{w|Harry Potter}}'' universe {{w|guns}} ''do'' exist and are mentioned at the beginning of ''{{w|Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban}}'', when the news gives a warning that Sirius Black has one. Muggle technology (human inventions) are often looked down on by wizards - the majority of half-blooded wizards won't touch one, let alone a wizard extremist like {{w|Voldemort}}. Not only does any Muggle device more complex than a wristwatch interfere with magical artifacts, but wands are usually more versatile than most guns; a revolver can't shoot lightning, summon items or teleport its user. Finally, while Harry himself may or may not consider using firearms due to his Muggle upbringing, ''Harry Potter'' is set in the United Kingdom (which has stricter gun laws than, say, the United States).
|-
|-
|}

===Section One===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why do whales jump? || Partly to get air, partly because it's an effective way to catch prey near the surface, and partly because they just seem to find it fun - it's like going into outer space!
|-
|Why are witches green? || See {{w|Wizard of Oz}}.
|-
|Why are there mirrors above beds?|| Often, these are used by couples to view themselves during coitus.
|-
|Why do I say Uh?||See ''[http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/05/06/the_odd_body_language_fillers/ Why do we say 'um', 'er', or 'ah' when we hesitate in speaking?]''.
|-
| Why is sea salt better? || The question likely refers to the difference between common {{w|Fortified table salt}} and usually more expensive sea salt. While the major part of both of these is sodium chloride (NaCl) the idea behind the claim is the different composition mostly in regards to trace elements of sea salt compared to "normal" salt. Table salt's composition is often influenced by a country's health department and thus addition of trace elements is regulated. While these regulations are based on scientific studies there remain to be debates concerning the additions, such as iodine.
|-
| Why are there trees in the middle of fields? || Many images of fields contain singular trees in the middle of them. While there exist such trees it is likely an artistic choice to give a more pleasing or aesthetically satisfying image compared to just a field. In modern agriculture those would in fact be quite troublesome since they are a hindrance to large machines used and a new tree would be unlikely to grow in a constantly worked field, although they can be useful in fields for grazing animals, since they provide shade. Before mechanized agriculture, such trees would also be planted to give the workers a place rest in the shade without having to go all the way back from a large field.
|-
| Why is there not a Pokémon MMO? || {{w|Pokémon}} is a popular franchise, spanning game consoles, anime series, a trading card game, and many other things. Among fans, it is a frequent topic of discussion why a Pokémon {{w|massively multiplayer online game}} has not been officially announced by the series' developers {{w|Game Freak}}, as they often [http://www.dorkly.com/comic/52546/be-careful-what-you-wish-for predict] that such a game would be extremely popular, and bring in massive revenue for the company. However, if Game Freak were to develop a Pokémon MMO the MMOs would be strong competition against the console games and therefore reducing the Pokémon demographic significantly. The mobile app {{w|Pokémon Go}} has since partly filled the MMO niche, with multiplayer interactivity through item drops and fighting at gyms.
|-
|Why is there laughing in TV shows? || Sitcoms were once filmed with an audience, so the actors could respond to their reactions. That's the historical reason why there were laughs in TV shows. The tradition continues, with the difference that now the laughter mostly comes from recorded tapes. See {{w|Laugh track}}.
|-
|Why are there doors on the freeway?|| Highway/freeway {{w|noise barrier|noise barriers}} sometimes have doors in them to allow workers access to both sides of the barrier.
|-
|Why are there so many svchost.exe running?||See {{w|svchost.exe}}.
|-
| Why aren't there any countries in Antarctica? || {{w|Antarctica}} is the southern most continent and is by large covered in ice and in general pretty cold. While it is a regular target of tourists and researchers it also lacks native human inhabitants. At the moment, the territorial claims concerning Antarctica are mostly handled via the {{w|Antarctic Treaty System}}. In short there are a few countries who claim certain parts of the continent as their own in theory but so far it is considered neutral territory and most maps don't concern themselves with displaying the (in some regards disputed) territorial claims because they do not matter at this point in time. If there are ever any worthwhile resources discovered, this might change.
|-
|Why are there scary sounds in Minecraft?|| To add atmosphere and to give players hints when there is a dark cave nearby. See [http://minecraft.gamepedia.com/Ambience Minecraft Wiki].
|-
|Why is there kicking in my stomach?||See ''[http://www.webmd.com/baby/fetal-movement-feeling-baby-kick Feeling Your Baby Kick]''. Here, ''stomach'' means ''abdomen''.
|-
|Why are there two slashes after http?||See ''[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1220286/Sir-Tim-Berners-Lee-admits-forward-slashes-web-address-mistake.html Sir Tim Berners-Lee admits the forward slashes in every web address 'were a mistake']''.
|-
|Why are there celebrities?||There are certain people who are more respected and well-known than other people, whether it be because of their acting career, major advancements to science, or a sex tape.
|-
|Why do snakes exist?|| The question is rather general and likely based on a widespread dislike for the reptilians. Be it due to their appearance, their spread, or the danger a few snakes pose to humans (often due to being venomous) many people have a dislike for snakes and would prefer them to not exist (similar to spiders).
In regards to "why do snakes exist on earth?": Because evolution. Snakes fill a gap in the ecosystem as predators and hunt different species, including vermin. Snakes are in that regard similar to many other predatory animals. The question on why snakes developed with their distinct streamlined shape is still debated but {{w|snakes|likely it either provided an advantage when burrowing or swimming}}.
|-
|Why do oysters have pearls?||{{w|pearl|From Wikipedia}}: <blockquote>Pearls are formed inside the shell of certain mollusks as a defense mechanism against a potentially threatening irritant such as a parasite inside the shell, or an attack from outside, injuring the mantle tissue. The mollusk creates a pearl sac to seal off the irritation. Pearls are commonly viewed by scientists as a by-product of an adaptive immune system-like function.</blockquote>
|-
|Why are ducks called ducks?||See {{w|Duck#Etymology}}. {{Wiktionary|duck|According to Wiktionary}}, the noun ''duck'' can be traced back to the {{w|Proto-Germanic language|Proto-Germanic}} word {{Wiktionary|Appendix:Proto-Germanic/dūkaną|''dūkaną''}} ("to dive, bend down"), and, in turn, the {{w|Proto-Indo-European language|Proto-Indo-European}} {{Wiktionary|Appendix:Proto-Indo-European/dʰewb-|''dʰewb-''}} ("deep, hollow"), which is the origin of the verb ''to duck''. The link between the noun and the verb comes from ducks' tendency to dive under water for short periods of time.
|-
|Why do they call it the clap?||An old folk remedy for {{w|gonorrhea}} was to clap on the sides of the penis.
|-
|Why are Kyle and Cartman friends?|| The question relates to the TV show {{w|South Park}}. Both are children living in the small titular town in Colorado. Cartman is widely accepted to a be very bad person, one of his many character flaws being his antisemitism. Kyle on the other hand is a Jew. However, both, along with two other kids, Stan and Kenny, are the core focus of the show (or used to be) and to some extent are considered to be friends. While there are episodes which show Cartman being not entirely a horrible person and him holding Kyle in a position of at least a worthy adversary, most of the time the question should be "Why is anyone friends with Cartman?" However, they most likely remain "friends" because they are in the same class at school and are therefore "forced" to be around one another.
|-
|Why is there an arrow on Aang's head?||{{w|Avatar: The Last Airbender#Characters|Aang}} is the main character of the TV series {{w|Avatar the last Airbender|Avatar - The last Airbender}} and features as part of a large body spanning tattoo an arrow on his head. These tattoos are made to replicate the markings of one of the shows fictional animals, the air bison which are regarded as the original air benders. They are given to human air benders once they attain the status of masters. Because Aang acquired this status very early in life he was already tattooed accordingly.
|-
|Why are text messages blue?||This likely refers to imessage chat being blue. These messages are blue when sending a message to another apple device. When sent as an SMS message, they will be green.
|-
|Why are there mustaches on clothes?||Because some people buy them. Mustaches, especially handlebar-style mustaches, were a popular fad at the time of this comic.
|-
|Why are there mustaches on cars?||Fuzzy pink mustaches are used to designate cars in the {{w|Lyft}} service.
|-
|Why are there mustaches everywhere?||See {{w|Movember}}
|-
|Why are there so many birds in Ohio?||There are an estimated [http://oh.audubon.org/bsc/SOTB.html 400 bird species] in {{w|List of birds of Ohio|Ohio}}, but there are [http://www.jstor.org/discover/2419997sid=21104910103541&uid=4&uid=3739776&uid=2&uid=3739256 2.74 nesting pairs per acre].
|-
|Why is there so much rain in Ohio?|| {{w|lake_effect|Lake-effect}} rain develops in the same manner as lake-effect snow.
|-
|Why is Ohio weather so weird?||See {{w|Lake-effect snow}}.
|-
|}

===Section Two===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why are there male and female bikes? || {{w|bicycle|From Wikipedia}}: <blockquote>Historically, women's bicycle frames had a top tube that connected in the middle of the seat tube instead of the top, resulting in a lower {{w|Frame geometry|standover height}} at the expense of compromised structural integrity, since this places a strong bending load in the seat tube, and bicycle frame members are typically weak in bending. This design, referred to as a '''''{{w|step-through frame}}''''' or as an ''open frame'', allows the rider to mount and dismount in a dignified way while wearing a skirt or dress.</blockquote>
|-
|Why are there bridesmaids?||See {{w|Bridesmaid#Origin and history}}.
|-
|Why do dying people reach up?|| In many works of fiction dying people are regarded with an outstretched arm, grasping for unseen objects towards the sky. In all likelihood this originates in the idea of heaven as the place where (good) people go after death. People "reach for the light" which is seen when dying according to similar beliefs or possibly for already dead relatives or other associated people waiting for them. An alternative hypothesis is that they want to hug/touch their loved ones one last time.
|-
|Why aren't there varicose arteries?||Blood moves through veins due to irregular pressure from skeletal muscles combined with valves to control direction. In varicose veins these valves malfunction affecting blood flow. In arteries blood flow is produced directly from pressure caused by the heart.
|-
|Why are old Klingons different?|| {{w|Klingon Redesign|From Wikipedia}}: <blockquote>For {{w|Star Trek: The Motion Picture}} (1979), the Klingons were retconned and their appearance and behavior radically changed. To give the aliens a more sophisticated and threatening demeanor, the Klingons were depicted with ridged foreheads, snaggled and prominent teeth, and a defined language and alphabet. Lee Cole, a production designer, used red gels and primitive shapes in the design of Klingon consoles and ship interiors, which took on a dark and moody atmosphere. The alphabet was designed as angular, with sharp edges harkening to the Klingon's militaristic focus.[5] Costume designer Robert Fletcher created new uniforms for the Klingons, reminiscent of feudal Japanese armor.</blockquote>

Additionally, there is an in-universe explanation: A [http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Klingon_augment_virus Klingon augment virus] was deployed to make enhanced warriors, but accidentally made weaker Klingons with human-like features. These afflicted Klingons were the ones seen in the original series.

|-
|Why is programming so hard?||Programming is the art of writing instructions for a computer to do. Since the computer has a limited set of instructions for you to use it involves a new way of thinking for many. It is also hard because the computer itself is not smart or adaptable to unexpected problems. For instance when humans are told to sort books in a shelf, they can do that even if there are things in the way (simply moving them to the side). A computer will generally just crash if it doesn't have instructions on how to deal with the unexpected problem.
|-
|Why is there a 0 Ohm resistor?|| A resistor is usually designed to create a certain resistance, measured in {{w|Ohm}} in an electronic device. A 0 Ohm resistor seems pointless as it would only provide the same resistance as a normal cable. However, Wikipedia's {{w|Zero-ohm link}} article gives sufficient explanation.
|-
|Why do Americans hate soccer? || Soccer, or (association) football in British English, is rather unpopular in the USA compared to most other regions of the world. Finding a particular reason behind the (dis)like for certain sports, apart from cultural spread, is difficult. One possible explanation is soccer's tendency to have far fewer points scored in an average game and a higher likelihood of draws compared to such things as American Football, basketball or baseball, which are far more popular. In how far this is a legitimate argument for regarding soccer as "less interesting" is up to debate.
This assumption that Americans dislike soccer is also somewhat dated; the national womens' team is the most successful in the world, having won 4 FIFA Womens' World Cups and consistently encouraging more youngsters to take up the sport. Unfortunately, when it comes to the professional game, the National Soccer League still has a long way to go to catch up with the dominance and name recognition of the NFL (American football) (due primarily to the spectacle of the Super Bowl), the MLB (baseball) (partly credited to the dominance of the New York Yankees and the pageantry of the World Series), and the NBA (basketball), due to the makeup of the American professional sports industry during its golden years in the 1970s & 80s.
|-
|Why do rhymes sound good?||The brain enjoys repetition especially in music.
|-
|Why do trees die?||Some common reasons include lack of water, lack of nitrogen in the soil and being chopped down.
|-
|Why is there no sound on CNN?||Some stations broadcast a {{w|second audio program}}, an alternative sound track that your TV can be configured to use instead of the primary program. This is intended to be used for broadcasting in an alternate language, or for {{w|Descriptive Video Service}} to make a program accessible to the visually impaired. Many programs that don't actually use SAP will still broadcast an SAP that is identical to the primary program; however, this is not required. If your TV is configured to use SAP and a particular channel isn't broadcasting SAP at that time, there won't be any sound.
|-
|Why aren't Pokémon real?||Pokémon are fantasised creatures that were designed to produce an interesting battle mechanic in a game. Some of the pokémons abilities would be impossible on earth as we know it. For instance, Magcargo is hotter than the surface of the sun.<ref name="Bulbapedia Magcargo">http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Magcargo#Trivia</ref>
|-
|Why aren't bullets sharp?||See {{w|Terminal ballistics}}.
|-
|Why do dreams seem so real?|| Most dreams occur during a stage known as REM (Rapid Eye Movement). During REM, your brain is highly active and its wave pattern is the same as the wave patterns in a person who is awake. It should be noted that dreams can occur during other stages of sleep but most dreams that are vivid occur during the REM stage.
|-
|}

===Section Three===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why do testicles move?|| The scrotum shrinks and expands to account for temperature changes.
|-
| Why are there psychics?|| A {{w|Psychic}} is a supposed user of anomalous powers. Studies have classified psychic powers as pseudoscience. The existence of psychics appears to be as an economic incentive.
|-
| Why are hats so expensive?|| Hats can be expensive depending on the quality of material, size, location, and demand. A probable answer is that hats are simply difficult to make, causing high prices. Another likely cause is the fact that hats are not widely worn in much of the western world and people who do wear them often have far fewer than they have, for example, shirts, meaning that manufacturers cannot get the same economies of scale in production and distribution.
|-
| Why is there caffeine in my shampoo?|| Because the producers want you to believe that caffeine penetrates the hair roots and thereby somehow protects it from negative testosterone impacts and from premature hair loss.
|-
| Why do your boobs hurt?|| Common reasons are a badly-fitted bra or {{w|PMS}}. It could also be a hormone imbalance, breastfeeding, large or awkwardly shaped breasts or a serious condition such as {{w|breast cancer}}.
|}

===Section Four===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why aren't economists rich? || Economists study how society organises resources but, contrary to the popular misconception, don't focus much on the short-term behaviour of the stock market (a system that is still poorly understood). In order to become rich, in most cases one has to own a commodity that produces more wealth, such as a large company, or be related to somebody who has done so. In rare cases, a particularly lucky individual could become rich by having an unusually high paying job, such as a famous actor or sports star. Neither of these situations are likely for someone studying the field of economics. Some economists do get very rich as strategists for banks and businesses, but most are just academics and analysts.
|-
| Why do Americans call it soccer? || {{w|Association football}} is called "soccer" ("as<b>soc</b>iation" + "-er") in Anerican English because {{w|American Football}} is the more popular version there. Of note is that the word "soccer" originates on British soil, to distinguish it from Rugby football aka "rugger".
|-
| Why are my ears ringing? || {{w|Tinnitus}}, or ringing of the ears, can result from stress, foreign objects in the ear, hearing damage, wax build up, or any other number of causes.
|-
| Why are there so many Avengers? ||The number of Avengers has [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Avengers_members varied greatly] over the years and decades, each time with its own justification for why they need to work together, but the simplest answer is money. Cross-branding and cross-merchandising is successful to the brand and brings in new readers, plus creates a new franchise to profit from.
|-
|Why are the Avengers fighting the X Men || {{w|Avengers vs. X-Men}} was a 2012 Marvel crossover event that, like many other recent comic book events, had heroes fight other heroes. In this case, the {{w|Avengers (comics)|Avengers}} and the {{w|X-Men}} fought over the {{w|Phoenix Force (comics)|Phoenix Force}}, a godlike power that often possesses {{w|Jean Grey}} or her descendants (in this case, her alternate universe daughter Hope Summers). The Avengers believed the Phoenix Force is too powerful for humanity to control and wanted to contain it, while the X-Men believed the Phoenix was the messiah for mutants and could fix all of the Earth's problems.
|-
|Why is Wolverine not in the Avengers || Wolverine ''has'' been an Avenger, in some circumstances. e.g. in the {{w|The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes}} cartoon series, the episode ''New Avengers'' had Wolverine (along with Spiderman, War Machine, The Thing and Luke Cage and Iron Fist) substitute while the 'original' Avengers were unavailable to deal with the current crisis (which of course included the fate of the 'proper' Avengers). However, in general his anti-authority personality makes him a difficult team-member to field, and he has frequently disassociated himself even from the X-Men. But, in Avengers vs. X-Men (see above) Wolverine ''sided'' with The Avengers, and more modern treatments have even included the character in about as much a permanent a membership of the group as Logan is ever likely to have.

But if the question is about why Wolverine didn't appear in {{w|The Avengers (2012 film)|''The Avengers''}}, the answer is that ''The Avengers'' is being produced by Marvel/Disney, while Fox still has the rights to the X-Men and all Marvel mutants in general. Unless there is studio agreement, the two properties cannot cross, except through complicated machinations. For example, there are plans to bring Avengers mainstays Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch to both the ''Avengers'' and ''X-Men'' franchises, but only the Fox films have the right to call them the children of Magneto, and Marvel/Disney cannot even identify them on-screen as "mutants".
|}

===Section Five===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
|Why are there ants in my laptop? || Ants usually come in your laptop when there are little crumbs of food. It is advised to get screen protectors.
|-
| Why is Earth tilted? || The Earth's axial "tilt", wherein its axis of rotation is not perpendicular it its orbit, is a result of conservation of momentum when the Earth was formed, because not everything orbits in the same way. This is pure happenstance.
|-
| Why is space black? || What we call black is the absence of light. Space is mostly empty, and although there are many stars, the light from most of these stars hasn't reached us yet. In addition, a lot of light has been stretched by {{w|redshift}} so it's no longer visible to us. See {{w|Olbers' paradox}}
|-
| Why is outer space so cold? || It's hard to actually define a temperature for space - it's empty, so there's nothing to measure. However, most of space has very little radiation hitting it, so a person won't receive any energy, but will still radiate some away, resulting in a net loss of energy, colloquially "heat." Around the Earth, objects in direct sunlight will actually get very hot. In deep space, there is almost no warming radiation.
|-
| Why are there pyramids on the moon? || There are no pyramids on the moon. However, the appearance of mountains and some craters on the moon have fooled some into believing there are pyramids on the moon, but these claims are false.
|-
| Why is NASA shutting down? ||NASA isn't shutting down. This question might have something to do with the {{w|United States federal government shutdown of 2013}} or perhaps due to the {{w|Space Shuttle program}} ending in 2011, but that is not the entirety of NASA.
|}

===Section Six===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why are there tiny spiders in my house?
|rowspan="6"|During autumn in particular male spiders reaching maturing will set off to find a mate. By chance they may end up in your house. When encountering spiders in large numbers, it is more likely that they are young from the same female spider. Females lay {{w|Spider#Reproduction_and_life_cycle|up to 3,000}} eggs at a time. These questions also plays off of Munroe's longstanding fear of spiders, especially the [http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/8:_Red_spiders red spiders] mentioned in [http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/Category:Red_Spiders several early comics].
|-
| Why do spiders come inside?
|-
| Why are there huge spiders in my house?
|-
| Why are there lots of spiders in my house?
|-
| Why are there spiders in my room?
|-
| Why are there so many spiders in my room?
|-
| Why do spider bites itch? ||This mostly happens as an immune response to [http://www.mnn.com/health/fitness-well-being/stories/why-do-mosquito-bites-itch histamines] under the skin which are injected through saliva.
|-
| Why is dying so scary? ||Part of human nature is the fear of the unknown, and death is the ultimate unknown because it is not knowable until it's experienced, and there is nobody to report what the result was. This leaves it open to speculation, and many major religions are based on preparing ones soul for death. Also, dying would leave loved ones families with the responsibility of taking care of their remains and finances. And finally, most people don't want to die, living for as long as possible, possibly because the unknown is too unbearable to cope with. Several causes of death are known to inflict pain to the victim, and fear of pain is an instilled evolutionary safeguard for preventing harm to a sapient creature. Still though several people are not afraid of death and dying, and recognize life is short and to cherish each moment while we can. Death is inevitable, so we should not fear it. In addition, it would be evolutionarily advantageous for our ancestors to have feared and avoided death.
|-
| Why is there no GPS in laptops? ||It is not impossible for laptops to have a GPS, and some do. But there are [http://security.stackexchange.com/questions/50907/are-there-gps-tracker-for-laptops design difficulties] that have to be overcome including battery draining, room within the crowded device to place a receiver, WiFi can give a location just as well, and the product casing could interfere with its ability to functional normally and receive the signals necessary to operate as intended. Some Dell computers have these, but the privacy one needs to give up to accept the terms and conditions makes it unfavorable.
|-
| Why do knees click? || Typical of other clicking and cracking of joints, this may be the sound of [http://www.webmd.com/pain-management/knee-pain/features/knee-cracks-pops ligaments tightening]. However do not rely on a wiki to diagnose a medical conditions. Consult a licensed physician.
|-
|-
| Why aren't there E grades? ||E grades [http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/02/e-f-grading-scale/ actually exist] in some districts, but they are rare. In their long and bizarre history, E was originally used where F is today (E was the lowest grade), but in those systems, students often received E's for an "Excellent" grade, creating much confusion. F was used in place instead and E was eliminated from a standard grading scale.
|-
| Why is isolation bad? ||Isolation is when a person deliberately secludes themselves away from others, often far-removed from society. This can happen in locations as small as a city apartment and as large as the open woods. People evolved as social animals and it is generally held that those who isolate themselves suffer from depression or other forms of psychological imbalance. Of course society can trigger many of these imbalances causing an individual to isolate themselves. Isolation is often seen as therapeutic so people can spend time with themselves constructively, often finding peace within themselves and through mediation. Monks and hermits generally live in solitude as well. Many people view a decision to be isolated as noble, and others as healthy. While general interaction is largely healthy, in the crowded modern world, isolation is neither good or bad; it depends on the person and what that isolation does to them.
|-
| Why do boys like me? ||Attraction comes in many forms: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, among others. Some people will lie about what they like about you to get something from you (money, sex, etc.), but most are genuine. It is not possible to assert definitively why one person may like another person, and that is something that needs to be discussed openly and honestly with them and nobody else.
|-
| Why don't boys like me? ||Similar to the answer above about what makes one desirable to another, there are an equal number of factors that make one unappealing. This can include everything from physical appearance to how one treats others. If a person is rude and unfriendly, most people find that not-conducive to healthy relationship and avoid the person who is asking. Not being liked by someone you like however does not mean you're wrong or are a bad person and in most cases has to do with the person you are asking about.
|-
| Why is there always a Java update? ||[https://www.java.com/en/download/faq/whatis_java.xml Java] is a software that runs on most computers and mobile devices that is crucial to its security and stability. The reason why it always updates is because it needs to stay current with the ever-upgrading fleet of browsers, operating systems and software that supports Java. Additionally Java updates itself so each version can run optimally. Software coding and debugging is a never-ending process towards perfectly stable releases.
|-
| Why are there red dots on my thighs? || This might be [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petechia Petechia], which are broken blood vessels, however do not rely on a wiki to diagnose medical conditions. Consult a licensed physician.
|-
| Why is lying good? ||Lying and other forms of dishonesty is typically seen as bad because it lowers one's credibility and makes them less likely to be trusted in the future. It is almost always advantageous to tell the truth, as lies have a way of escalating as you need to keep expanding on the lie to cover your tracks. There are instances however where lying may be used in more noble circumstances. For example, if a friend asks your opinion on something they have made (such as a poem or painting) that you do not like, it is okay to tell them you like it because protecting their feelings and your relationship is more important than how you feel. Often military personnel are trained to keep national security secrets at all costs and will lie about what they know to save themselves and the country.
|}

===Section Seven===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why are there slaves in the bible? ||Slavery was viewed differently in the early years of human civilization before the contemporary moral and ethical conversations began centuries later. The Jewish legal system as presented in the bible {{w|The Bible and slavery|justified slavery}} for a number of reasons, notably to pay off some sort of debt. Slaves were seen as property and their work provided value to the slave owner, but such a relationship was legally required to be temporary and slaves had some basic human rights. Similarly slave owners rationalized their ownership through scripture, pointing out that it was in the Bible and therefore okay with God — without wishing to go off on a tangent, if you have to rationalize your system of slavery then it's probably illegal under historic Jewish law.
|-
| Why do twins have different fingerprints? || Fingerprints are not only from the DNA, but from the conditions in the womb which differ from child to child.
|-
| Why are Americans afraid of dragons? ||This question was the title of a [http://blogs.sfu.ca/courses/spring2012/engl387/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Why-are-Americans-Afraid-of-Dragons.docx 1974 essay] by Ursula K. LeGeuin in which she makes a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semiotics semiotic] analysis of dragon mythology. She argues that our belief in dragons (and those outside of America as well) stems from childhood, much like other ferocious fictional creatures such as goblins and hobbits, but many hold onto these fears as a way of avoiding reality. In her closing argument, she writes, "They know that its truth challenges, even threatens, all that is false, all that is phony, unnecessary, and trivial in the life they have let themselves be forced into living. They are afraid of dragons, because they are afraid of freedom."
|-
| Why is HTTPS crossed out in red? || The site accessed has an invalid SSL certificate.
|-
| Why is there a line through HTTPS? || The site accessed has an invalid SSL certificate.
|-
| Why is there a red line through HTTPS on Facebook? || Facebook has an invalid SSL certificate.
|-
| Why is HTTPS important? || For security reasons, as a site with HTTPS has encrypted traffic.
|}

===Section Eight===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why are there swarms of gnats? || The reason gnats (and other creatures) tend to swarm together is likely a safety-in-numbers protection, and as a big gathering to find a mate.
|-
| Why is there phlegm? ||{{w|Phlegm#Phlegm|Phlegm}} is a thick, viscous fluid produced by the mucus membranes as a way to clear the airway and aids in the release of bacteria, disease and debris in those passages.
|-
| Why are there so many crows in Rochester, MN || From a Minnesota Paper, [http://www.startribune.com/local/138902104.html the Star Tribune], "Laws prevent the city from poisoning the crows". "Duffy [ {{w|Steve Duffy}}, a co-owner of U.S. Bird Abatement Services, which has contracted with Rochester to get rid of the crows] isn't sure why Rochester has such a bad crow problem; probably a confluence of many bird-friendly conditions that has also made it a magnet for {{w|geese}}. He's seen worse cases, but called Rochester's situation 'hideous.'" And best of all, "The city has twice this winter hired experts to chase them off. They tried {{w|lasers}} and bullhorns — hey, get out of here, you crows — and even employed raptors to pick them off, one by one. That worked, for awhile." Unfortunately, they mean a {{w|bird of prey}}, not a {{w|velociraptor}}.
|-
| Why is Psychic weak to Bug || In Pokémon, Pokémon of the Psychic type like Alakazam are weak to three types of attacks: Ghost, Dark, and Bug. The general theory is that Psychic Pokémon, relying heavily on their thoughts for attacks, are weak to fears, which ghosts, darkness, and bugs can be classified as.
|-
| Why do children get cancer? ||{{w|Cancer}} is an aggressive and often fatal disease that has the potential to affect all humans as well as other organisms. There are multiple types of cancer, each with their own epidemiology, but children are not immune to succumbing to the horrific effects of the disease. Children are human beings{{citation needed}} and are subject to the same illnesses adults have, regardless of age, or their innocence. There is no divine or supernatural explanation for this. Simply put, life is a battle for all humans regardless of how small they are.
|-
| Why is Poseidon angry with Odysseus? || {{w|Poseidon}} was the patron deity of the city of {{w|Troy}}, which after a 10 years siege by the Greeks fell due to {{w|Odysseus}}' strategem of the {{w|Trojan_Horse|Trojan horse}}. As the Greeks were returning home after the Trojan War, Oddyseus' ship accidentally landed on the island home of the cyclops Polyphemus, who imprisoned the crew and ate many of them. In order to escape, Odysseus blinded the cyclops. Poseidon, Polyphemus' father, was extremely angered by his son being blinded, so he cursed Odysseus' ship to prevent him from reaching his home in {{W|Ithaca}}. The adventures which Odysseus encountered during his quest for reaching Ithaca are the main theme of {{w|Homer|Homer's}} {{w|Odyssey}} The Odyssey also says that before sailing, the crew forgot to offer a sacrifice as was ordained.
|-
| Why is there ice in space? || Space is {{w|Outer_space#Environment|Cold}}. The background radiation, which is used to measure the temperature of space's vacuum, is estimated at about 3K (−270 °C; −454 °F). Water freezes at 273.15 K (0 °C; 32 °F). Because the temperature in space is less than the freezing point of water, liquids freeze in space, turning into ice.
|}

===Section Nine===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why is there an owl in my back yard? || Owls can be seen all over the world, and live in a wide variety of habitats. They are mainly noctural, and spend a large portion of the night hunting. The owl in your back yard is likely looking for food.
|-
| Why is there an owl outside my window? || As with the question above, the owl is likely to be hunting for food.
|-
| Why is there an owl on the dollar bill? || On the front of a dollar bill, near the upper right '1' is a tiny section of the design which can be seen to represent an owl. Conspiracy theorists will note that owls were symbolically linked to the Masons, while others will instead see a spider.
|-
| Why do owls attack people? || While owls and human often live in close proximity without problems, as with other species, owls may attack if they feel threatened. When people irritate or otherwise make owls feel unsafe, they retaliate with violence to protect themselves.
|-
| Why are AK47s so expensive? || The market value of an AK47 varies depending on where in the world you live. With strict gun control laws, obtaining an AK47 in the UK is likely to be more expensive due to the risks involved for those supplying the weapon. In former Soviet republics and the Middle East, AK47s are more plentiful, and hence the price is likely to be lower.
|-
| Why are there helicopters circling my house? ||People living in high-crime areas will often hear helicopters circling, especially at night, when police use the helicopter's searchlight to locate and track suspects, or to light a crime scene. Those Googling this question might be wondering if a dangerous fugitive is nearby, or what else may be going on.
Potentially, the questioner may be hallucinating the helicopters or imagining themselves as the target due to {{w|paranoid schizophrenia}}, in which either a neurochemical imbalance or distorted thought patterns causes {{w|delusions of persecution}}.
Alternately, this question may be a joke because it is so incongruous to the others in this section. The joke is that people would be Googling about owls attacking people and assault rifle prices, which could, ostensibly alert authorities to come to your house to arrest you.
|}

===Section Ten===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why are there gods? || Gods and goddesses are part of mythology and folklore that are used to give spiritual guidance as well as explanations for phenomena that are yet unexplained by natural processes.
|-
|Why are there two Spocks? || This is probably a reference to the {{w|Star_Trek_(film)|2009 Star Trek movie}} in which the franchise was given a {{w|Reboot_(fiction)|continuity reboot}}. The modified setting is explained in-universe by time travel, with both the villain Nero and the original-timeline Spock being brought back from the 24th century to the 23rd, creating a timeline in which both older Spock (played by Leonard Nimoy) and the younger Spock (played by Zachary Quinto) coexist.

Another possibility is that the question refers to the episode {{w|Mirror,_Mirror_(Star_Trek:_The_Original_Series)|"Mirror, Mirror"}}, which mostly takes place in an alternate universe populated by ruthless versions of most of the characters (including Spock).
|-
| Why is Mt Vesuvius there? ||The simple answer is that volcanoes are created by interactions where the Earth's tectonic plates meet. These conditions only exist in a few places on Earth. <p>The question could also be asking, "why is Mt Vesuvius near such a heavily populated area?" Humans have lived near Vesuvius throughout history, due to its pleasant climate, rich soil, and proximity to other major cities. The Italian government [http://www.theguardian.com/world/2003/jun/05/italy.sophiearie offers generous cash incentives] to move people away from the danger zone, but finds few takers.</p><p>This question could also be a reference to mountaineer {{w|George Mallory}}'s famous answer as to why he wanted to climb Mount Everest: "Because it's there."</p>
|-
| Why do they say T minus? || Time before the launch of a spacecraft is denoted as T minus because the launch has not happened yet. Any time after the launched is stated without the minus, for example T 3 seconds, so time before the launch can be seen as "minus" time. The T stands for "Test" or "Time".
|-
| Why are there obelisks? || {{w|Obelisk}} article has more information.
|-
| Why are wrestlers always wet? || Professional wrestling is strenuous activity, whether its fake or not. Strenuous activity results in sweat, giving the bodyan appearance of being wet. Greco-roman wrestling and Turkish Oil Wrestling both involve oiling the body, giving a similar appearance.
|-
| Why are oceans becoming more acidic? || Due to the higher amount of carbon dioxide on the atmosphere, which dissolves in the oceans turning into carbonic acid - CO2+H2O=H2CO3 (see {{w|Ocean acidification}})
|-
| Why is Arwen dying? || {{w|Elf (Middle-Earth)#Death|Elves}} can die from grief.
|-
| Why aren't my quail laying eggs? || Not enough sunlight/calcium, or they are egg bound(very serious)?
|-
| Why aren't my quail eggs hatching? || Problems in incubation, or the eggs may not be fertilized.
|-
|Why aren't there any foreign military bases in America? || ''Further information: {{w|United States military deployments}}''<p>This is a very interesting question, albeit one likely based on a regional misunderstanding. Presumably, this question is asked by Americans who assume that the existence of {{w|Category:Military facilities of the United States by country|U.S. military bases abroad}} is a general trend among countries, as opposed to being the rarity that it is. In fact, {{w|List of countries with overseas military bases|only a handful of other countries}} have military bases outside of their borders, and the three—{{w|France}}, the {{w|United Kingdom}}, and {{w|Russia}}—that have more than one or two are all countries that, like the United States, {{w|Allies of World War II|were on the winning side of World War II}}, have {{w|List of countries by military expenditures|massive military expenditures}}, and have {{w|United Nations Security Council veto power|UN Security Council vetoes}}. In other words, only the most militarily elite countries have bases overseas. The U.S. is unique, however, in that it has far more overseas bases than any other country (and, pretty much, far more of anything else than any other country, when it comes to the military), and in that {{w|List of United States military bases|it has bases in several other highly-industrialized nations}}, including {{w|List of United States Army installations in South Korea|South Korea}} and the United Kingdom, and, most notably, the World War II {{w|Axis powers}}: {{w|List of United States Army installations in Germany|Germany}}, {{w|United States s Japan|Japan}}, and {{w|List of United States Army installations in Italy|Italy}}. France, Russia, and the U.K.'s bases, on the other hand, are almost all within areas that they previously controlled.</p><p>These bases can be controversial in some countries, while in others they are a major source of economic and political stability. The U.S. traditionally justifies their presence as a necessary and crucial element in its efforts to promote peace domestically and worldwide. Despite their major role in {{w|U.S. foreign policy}}, and in the general political structure of the globe, the American public often largely ignores them, and they rarely become a major political issue (apart from an occasional mention by {{w|Libertarian Party (United States)|Libertarian presidential candidates}}).</p><p>So, essentially, the absence of foreign military bases within the U.S. is primarily because there aren't really any other countries in a position to place bases there. Ironically, although no battles in the traditional sense have been fought within the U.S. since the {{w|U.S. Civil War}} and the U.S. mainland has seen {{w|Mainland invasion of the United States|almost no military action}}, foreign air bases might have been useful on September 11, 2001. (The {{w|attack on Pearl Harbor}} in 1941 was 18 years before Hawaii became a U.S. state, but Hawaii was still a fundamental part of the United States as it was an incorporated territory.)</p><p>There are, however, foreign troops stationed at some continental US military bases. For example, RAF (British Royal Air ) 39 Sqn and 361 Sqn at Creech Air Base in Nevada flying Reaper and Predator drones. But these are not foreign military bases, they are just guests.</p>
|}

===Section Eleven===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why are my boobs itchy? ||It could be anything from dry skin to a rare life-threatening disease. Could also be related to pregnancy, PMS, or puberty. [http://www.just-health.net/Itchy-Breast.html Here's a thorough list] of possible causes and remedies.
|-
| Why are cigarettes legal? ||Despite the obvious detrimental affects nicotine has on health, it is, like caffeine and alcohol, more profitable to regulate than to ban, and is also subject to intense lobbying by tobacco companies to keep it legal. Substances like marijuana and other drugs are mainly illegal because of government attitudes disapproving of recreational drug use coupled with there being no powerful preexisting corporate lobby with a stake in making or keeping these drugs legal, and also, with some drugs (in the US, at least), due to more than a bit of racism (against Mexicans with regard to marijuana, or against Chinese for opium). Nicotine, however, which is the key ingredient in tobacco, is regulated and heavily taxed, bringing income for the government. This is one of the major arguments for legalizing other, currently-illegal drugs, at least the "softer" ones like marijuana, as, if they're legalized, they can be taxed and bring the government more money, and the government can provide an incentive for producers and sellers to keep their product safe and high-quality (by punishing those who mislabel their drugs or cut them with dangerous substances, while letting producers and sellers of safe, high-quality drugs operate without fear of arrest or prosecution).
|-
| Why are there ducks in my pool? ||Most likely, they're looking for a place to mate. Which means you'll soon have baby ducks in your pool. Most migratory birds are protected by wildlife laws, so you want to prevent them from moving into your pool in the first place. The [http://www.dfwwildlife.org/duck.html DFW Wildlife Coalition] has some tips.
|-
| Why is Jesus white? ||This is an ethnocentric viewpoint that varies throughout cultures. In African cultures he is portrayed as black. In short, whatever culture he is introduced to, those inhabitants will have him fit their own image.
|-
| Why is there liquid in my ear? ||[http://www.healthline.com/symptom/discharge-from-ear It's called otorrhea], and can be caused by infection, trauma, or changes in pressure. A common cause is [http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/swimmers-ear/basics/definition/con-20014723 Swimmer's ear], an infection of the outer ear canal. More seriously, it could be Cerebrospinal fluid. This can end up in your ears do to a puncture in the skulls membrane, often due to a collision/concussion. This is a very serious condition. Again, do not take (too much) medical advice from wiki.
|-
| Why do Q tips feel good? ||The inner ear contains [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erectile_tissue erectile tissue] (as does your inner nose which is why sneezing feels good) so you are massaging tissue which gets aroused upon stimulation.
|-
| Why do good people die? ||Everybody dies, no matter how good or bad they were. But sometimes if people are really bad they are made to die sooner. (But loved ones and ones who were known to make memorable or valuable contributions are mourned and revered more than a person who has left much pain to others as their legacy; we remember the good ones and so it hurts more.)
|-
| Why are ultrasounds important? ||Ultrasound scans provide a great deal of information about a fetus, thus increasing the chances of a healthy birth. They have many other medical uses.
|-
| Why are ultrasound machines expensive? ||As hospital equipment goes, ultrasound machines are actually a bargain. [http://www.costowl.com/healthcare/healthcare-ultrasound-machine-costs.html A new ultrasound machine] costs about $20,000-$75,000, depending on features. Comparable devices are much more expensive: The [http://info.blockimaging.com/bid/84432/CT-Scanner-Price-Guide CT scanner] runs $90,000-$250,000, while the [http://www.ehow.com/about_4731161_much-do-mri-machines-cost.html MRI machine] easily goes over a million.
|-
| Why is stealing wrong? ||Stealing is theft and it is illegal. Taking something that is not yours without permission or payment hurts the livelihood of other individuals as well as damages their trust in others.
|}

===Vertical Questions===
{| class ="wikitable"
|-
!style="width:20%;"|Question !! Possible answer
|-
| Why is there hell if god forgives? ||There is not a single answer to this question. The answer varies based on the religion and that religion's sect mixed with personal interpretations of that religions scripture and how a person decides to follow it. However the idea of what Hell will be like also varies. There is no one answer to this question, but the easiest explanation is that the individual did not pray hard enough, correctly, was not part of the right religion, and their forgiveness was contingent on something that the person either did not do or know to do (or say or think).
|-
| Why do iguanas die? ||All living things die, but iguanas may suffer from [http://www.anapsid.org/iguana/kidneyfailure.html kidney failure].
|-
| Why is GPS free? || GPS was originally developed by the U.S. military for its own use, not for commercial purposes. However, the government realized that free GPS would have a significant bonus for the economy and would prevent disasters like the {{w|Korean Air Lines Flight 007}} where a plane was shot down after accidentally entering Soviet airspace, and in 1983 President Reagan declared that the US would make GPS available to all. At one point, "{{w|selective availability}}" was used to degrade performance for civilian users, but since 2000 this has also been switched off.
|-
| Why are trees tall? ||Tall is a relative term, and Redwoods are famous for their height - among the tallest in the world. The reason for this is, in part [http://www.nps.gov/redw/faqs.htm climate, fog, rain, good soil, few predators, among others].
|-
|Why are there female Mr. Mimes? || {{w|Mr. Mime}} is a Pokémon introduced in the first generation of the games, and despite its name, it can be either of a male or female gender. As the Pokémon was introduced before the concept of [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Gender gender in Pokémon games], it is likely that the people in charge of translating its Japanese name (Barrierd) did not take this into account during the process.
|-
| Why is there lava? ||{{w|Lava}} is magma (molten rock) which is at the Earth's surface. Magma in the Earth comes from the melting of rock due to rising heat from deeper within the planet. {{w|Earth's internal heat budget|This heat}} is about half radiogenic and half primordial (left over from the formation and differentiation of the Earth). Most of the crust and mantle of the Earth is solid rock, but in places (usually controlled by plate tectonics, but {{w|Hawaii hotspot|not always}}) where the heat is high enough the minerals with lowest melting point start to melt and then migrate upwards towards the surface. This melt collects in {{w|Magma chamber|magma chambers}}, in which the magma may start to cool and crystallize. Sometimes it will crystallize completely, becoming an underground solid body called a pluton. Other times melt will keep migrating upwards until it reaches the surface and erupts as lava, forming a {{w|volcano}} or undersea vent.
|-
| Why is YKK on all zippers? || {{w|YKK}} Group is the name of a large group of Japanese manufacturing companies, which among other things manufacture a lot of zippers. YKK zippers are also considered to be some of the best available, so a clothing maker including a YKK zipper would likely leave the YKK name on, instead of getting no branding or rebranding them.
|-
| Why is life so boring? ||It is up to an individual to find meaning and interest in life. Monotony, predictability and lack of physical and intellectual stimulation would lead to a feeling of boredom.
|-
| Why aren't there dinosaur ghosts? ||Ghosts are a supernatural phenomenon that have not been empirically proven to exist. Those who believe in ghosts implicitly believe in a soul (of which a ghost is a materialization of), and it is a commonly held belief by religious institutions and ghost-hunters that animals do not have souls and thus dinosaurs would not have any either.
|-
|Why is there no king in England? ||''At the time of publication, {{w|Elizabeth II}} was the Queen of England, and continued to be so for another decade, ending up having been so for over 70 years.''

In colloquial usage, any married couple reigning over a monarchy is known as the king and queen. For the past several hundred years, there has almost always been a queen in England, the sole exceptions being when the king has not had a wife. (Also, "England" is commonly used as the equivalent to "The United Kingdom", often incorrectly.) However, there is a distinction between being the Queen of England (that is to say, {{w|List of British monarchs|a monarch}} in her own right) and any {{w|queen consort|Queen ''Consort''}} of England (the woman married to, or who later marries, the man who has become its King).

Monarchies tend to strongly select for Kings (with or without consorts). At times of strife, very few {{w|Empress Matilda|'queen's}} enter the fray. Peaceful {{w|succession to the British throne}} has been for a long governed in England by {{w|male-preference cognatic primogeniture}} which disproportionately favours male descendents. And British laws and customs have been generally built around the presumption that the monarch would be a man, and that man would be married to a woman, [[223: Valentine's Day|comic 223]] be damned. The consort (wife) to the King may be popularly styled as "Queen <her name>", but would not normally be a functional title. If she survives her husband, {{w|Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother|her continued use of the honorific}} does not exclude the successive monarch having (or being) a new queen.

Despite everything, throughout the {{w|Acts of Union 1707|current continuity of the modern British throne}} two women have begun to reign as Queen in their own right. It just so happens that these two have been two of the longest-reigning monarchs in world history, {{w|Queen Victoria}} and Queen Elizabeth II herself. Both of these have been influential and famed not just in 'England' but around the world, and this fact may add to people noting the rare but conspicuous lack of an 'English' king historically (despite five times as many actual Kings). This is especially true within the living memory of those who asked the questions in the comic, who may never have lived through the time prior to Elizabeth II.

The title of "{{w|king consort}}" exists, but has not been used. Instead Victoria and Elizabeth's respective consorts, {{w|Albert, Prince Consort|Albert}} and {{w|Prince Philip|Philip}}, were given alternate titles — Albert as {{w|Prince Consort}} and Philip as "{{w|British prince|Prince of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland}}" (both commonly referred to as "Prince ..."). These titles being by gift of their own queen and spouse, though Albert was already formally a prince of {{w|Saxe-Coburg and Gotha}} whilst Philip had previously been prince of {{w|Danish royal family|Denmark}} and {{w|Greek royal family|Greece}} but had renounced both titles before marrying then-Princess Elizabeth. Earlier in history, various {{w|Mary II of England|co-ruling queens}}, and {{w|Elizabeth I|unmarried queens}} had also avoided any need for the "consort" title.

Much more recently, the system of male-preference {{w|Succession to the Crown Act 2013|was changed}} to ''absolute'' primogeniture, where (for all those born after 2011) males are no longer favoured over females, in the otherwise strict chronology of descent. Should the monarchy continue onwards without further social change, there are now likely to be far more actual Queens in the future (with or without consorts); however, already the first three members of Elizabeth II's senior line of descent are male: Prince Charles, as was, Elizabeth's eldest son; Prince William, Charles's eldest son; and Prince George, William's eldest child (being born in 2013).

It would still likely take a while (or unpredictable circumstances) before England has its next Queen in her own right and the question becomes relevent again. Since Elizabeth's death in September 2022, {{w|Charles III}} has indeed automatically become the King of England, and his current wife {{w|Camilla, Queen consort of the United Kingdom|Camilla}} is Queen Consort (but not formally the Queen of England). No further children are expected, nor would any normally change the immediate line of succession. The second child of William, {{w|Princess Charlotte of Cornwall and Cambridge|Princess Charlotte}} (born 2015), now rises accordingly to be third in line from Charles — behind William and her elder brother, at least until such time as George might himself eventually have an heir of his own, male or female.
|-
| Why do I feel dizzy? ||Balance is achieved from fluids in the inner-ear, but [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dizziness#Epidemiology dizziness] can have nearly a dozen causes.
|-
| Why are dogs afraid of fireworks? ||Loud noises can trigger their flight or fight responses when they are [http://www.cesarsway.com/dogbehavior/hyperdog/How-to-Keep-Your-Dog-Safe-and-Calm-During-Fireworks nervous].
|-
| Why are there weeks? || Weeks were originally important for religious reasons, primarily the requirement to observe a sabbath (day of rest) every seventh day. Today it is used to create a common schedule that doesn't change due to month length, much like the months divide a year to be able to schedule things like dentist appointments. Similarly, hours and minutes divide a day making it possible to create a schedule.
|}

==See also==
http://www.reddit.com/r/xkcd/comments/1l3na7/questions/cbvigrd, answers to all the questions.

==Transcript==
:[This strip is a rectangular word cloud, titled 'Questions found in Google autocomplete'. Embedded in the cloud are 5 single panels, with illustrated questions. These are described at the end. Questions are given in roughly columnar order. None of the questions have question marks.]

:Questions found in Google Autocomplete

:Why do whales jump
:Why are witches green
:Why are there mirrors above beds
:Why do I say uh
:Why is sea salt better
:Why are there trees in the middle of fields
:Why is there not a Pokemon MMO
:Why is there laughing in TV shows
:Why are there doors on the freeway
:Why are there so many svchost.exe running
:Why aren't there any countries in antarctica
:Why are there scary sounds in Minecraft
:Why is there kicking in my stomach
:Why are there two slashes after HTTP
:Why are there celebrities
:Why do snakes exist
:Why do oysters have pearls
:Why are ducks called ducks
:Why do they call it the clap
:Why are Kyle and Cartman friends
:Why is there an arraow on Aang's head
:Why are text messages blue
:Why are there mustaches on clothes
:Why are there mustaches on cars
:Why are there mustaches everywhere
:Why are there so many birds in Ohio
:Why is there so much rain in Ohio
:Why is Ohio weather so weird
:Why are there male and female bikes
:Why are there bridesmaids
:Why do dying people reach up
:Why aren't there varicose arteries
:Why are old Klingons different
:Why is programming so hard
:Why is there a 0 ohm resistor
:Why do Americans hate soccer
:Why do rhymes sound good
:Why do trees die
:Why is there no sound on CNN
:Why aren't Pokemon real
:Why aren't bullets sharp
:Why do dreams seem so real
:Why aren't there dinosaur ghosts
:Why do iguanas die
:Why do testicles move
:Why are there psychics
:Why are hats so expensive
:Why is there caffeine in my shampoo
:Why do your boobs hurt
:Why aren't economists rich
:Why do Americans call it soccer
:Why are my ears ringing
:Why are there so many Avengers
:Why are the Avengers fighting the X men
:Why is Wolverine not in the Avengers
:Why are there ants in my laptop
:Why is Earth tilted
:Why is space black
:Why is outer space so cold
:Why are there pyramids on the moon
:Why is NASA shutting down
:Why is there Hell if God forgives
:Why are there tiny spiders in my house
:Why do spiders come inside
:Why are there huge spiders in my house
:Why are there lots of spiders in my house
:Why are there spiders in my room
:Why are there so many spiders in my room
:Why do spider bites itch
:Why is dying so scary
:Why is there no GPS in laptops
:Why do knees click
:Why aren't there E grades
:Why is isolation bad
:Why do boys like me
:Why don't boys like me
:Why is there always a Java update
:Why are there red dots on my thighs
:Why is lying good
:Why is GPS free
:Why are trees tall
:Why are there slaves in the Bible
:Why do twins have different fingerprints
:Why are Americans afraid of dragons
:Why is there lava
:Why are there swarms of gnats
:Why is there phlegm
:Why are there so many crows in Rochester, MN
:Why is psychic weak to bug
:Why do children get cancer
:Why is Poseidon angry with Odysseus
:Why is there ice in space
:Why are there female Mr Mimes
:Why is there an owl in my backyard
:Why is there an owl outside my window
:Why is there an owl on the dollar bill
:Why do owls attack people
:Why are AK47s so expensive
:Why are there helicopters circling my house
:Why are there gods
:Why are there two Spocks
:Why is Mt Vesuvius there
:Why do they say T minus
:Why are there obelisks
:Why are wrestlers always wet
:Why are oceans becoming more acidic
:Why is Arwen dying
:Why aren't my quail laying eggs
:Why aren't my quail eggs hatching
:Why aren't there any foreign military bases in America
:Why is life so boring
:Why are my boobs itchy
:Why are cigarettes legal
:Why are there ducks in my pool
:Why is Jesus white
:Why is there liquid in my ear
:Why do Q tips feel good
:Why do good people die
:Why are ultrasounds important
:Why are ultrasound machines expensive
:Why is stealing wrong
:Why is YKK on all zippers
:Why is HTTPS crossed out in red
:Why is there a line through HTTPS
:Why is there a red line through HTTPS on Facebook
:Why is HTTPS important
:Why are there weeks
:Why do I feel dizzy
:Why are dogs afraid of fireworks
:Why is there no king in England

:[We see Cueball from the torso up, with arms outstretched.]
:Cueball: Why aren't my arms growing

:[Megan stands with a grey ghost on either side of her.]
:Megan: Why are there ghosts

:[Beret Guy stands, looking at a squirrel.]
:Beret Guy: Why are there squirrels

:[Cueball stands.]
:Cueball: Why is sex so important.

:[We see Ponytail from the torso up.]
:Ponytail: Why aren't there guns in Harry Potter

== References ==
<references/>

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Large drawings]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Beret Guy]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:LOTR]]
[[Category:Pokémon]]
[[Category:Google Search]]
[[Category:Squirrels]]
[[Category:Animals]]
[[Category:Soccer]]
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[[Category:Harry Potter]]
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[[Category:Sex]]
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