Editing 1219: Reports

{{comic
| number    = 1219
| date      = May 31, 2013
| title     = Reports
| image     = reports.png
| titletext = If that fails, just multiply every number by a thousand. 'The 2nd St speed limit should be set at 25,000 mph, which would likely have prevented 1,000 of the intersection's 3,000 serious accidents last month.'
}}

==Explanation==
Normally, the text in technical reports is written by technical people working in the same place as the incident. This makes for rather boring, technical text. For the average reader, this may not be very engaging. However, to make it more interesting, Randall asks that the text be read as if it was written because the spouse of the head of the project is making unhelpful personal comments due to their failing marriage. This turns the phrase from being a simple statement of relevant (if potentially dull) facts into an opinionated diatribe compounding all the many sore-points that have turned the relationship sour, or at least have been perceived as such.

This leads onto the related point that the quoted text of the report could (and indeed probably ''would'', given the apparent contents) be stereotypically read out loud by the author, or internally by the reader, in an essentially monotonal manner, as exhibited by any number of popularised film and TV characters such as 'Arthur Pewtey' from the {{w|Marriage Guidance Counsellor|Monty Python sketch}}<!-- Wanted to also add a US equivalent, please do so if you have one in mind. Wasn't there somebody like this in 'Clerks'? -->. But this comic asks us to imagine it instead voiced in the voice of an upset spouse<!-- Examples abound... Link to one or more? -->, presumably berating the project leader on various real or imagined infractions, and it works just as well. The jagged nature of the speech bubble indicates that the report has typed out on the computer's screen, but also helps to re-enforce the nagging internal voice.

The title text joke relates to an alternative plan, namely to proportionally exaggerate everything you read.  What would have been one serious accident that would have been prevented in the previous month had the speed limit been 25&nbsp;mph, out of the three that actually occurred under the current limit, now becomes one ''thousand'' people saved. And all those lives would have been saved by changing the speed limit to a 'mere' 25,000 miles per hour (which is almost exactly Earth escape velocity). Of course, around 2000 accidents would not have been prevented because people still try to mess with vehicles that are moving at hypersonic velocities.

Note that the title text is inconsistent; if every number were to be multiplied by a thousand, then the speed limit would apply to 2000th Street. Somewhat surprisingly, there do exist streets of this name, mainly in Illinois. Although unlikely, the street may be 0.002th street, giving us 2 when multiplied per the title text. Though in this case 2nd St is a proper noun and thus should not be modified.

==Transcript==
:How to make boring technical reports more fun to read:
:Imagine they were written and sent in, unsolicited, by the estranged spouse of the head of the project.
:[Six guard rails have erratic reflector placement, and one even lacks reflectors entirely, despite rule G31.02(b) clearly mandating consistent usage.]
:Cueball: ...Sharon!

==Trivia==
Originally the title text proposed a speed limit of 2,500 miles per hour, which would mean the original message is about a ridiculously low speed limit of 2.5 mph. This was later corrected.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]