311: Action Movies

Explain xkcd: It's 'cause you're dumb.
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Action Movies
By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau.
Title text: By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau.

Explanation

Ambox notice.png This explanation may be incomplete or incorrect: Does not explain the comic, reads like a second transcript.
If you can address this issue, please edit the page! Thanks.
Megan and Cueball are talking about a movie and Cueball is stating that he does need more action.

The final picture is presenting a film called "River Tam" showing many dead people on the floor, maybe this is it what Cueball is waiting for. But River Tam is just a fictional character, extremely intellectually, even when she was 14 years old. But at that time her horror just did start.

The title text is another hint because River Tam is portrayed by actor Summer Glau.

Transcript

[Cueball and Megan are talking together as they walk away from a cinema]
Cueball: Another summer gone without a mindless big-budget action movie.
Megan: Huh? Die Hard was nothing BUT action!
Cueball: No, it was too talky.
Megan: What? Too talky?
Cueball: I tallied it minute-by-minute. It's at least 60% people walking and talking. ALL those movies are.
Cueball: Just once, I want a real action movie. 30 seconds of exposition followed by a perfect 90-minute action scene. One with a huge budget, a good choreographer, and a great director.
Megan: And they should center it around some character we already know, someone we never get tired of watching.
Cueball: I think we've got something here...
[A movie poster is shown]
Coming this summer
River Tam
Beats up EVERYONE
[The movie shows a line of houses, there are people beat up and lying in doorways, out of windows, and on the sidewalk. River Tam is doing a flying kick into someone's face]


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Discussion

Dangit, I want to see this. 199.27.130.148 04:44, 19 November 2013 (UTC)

He used Papyrus. :| 108.162.225.57 11:19, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

At least it's not comic sans. Beanie (talk) 12:00, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
Says the person using Comic Sans. PoolloverNathan[stalk the blue seas]UTSc 13:29, 21 May 2021 (UTC)

Madness combat minus hank plus river tam? 08:03, 14 January 2014 (UTC)

Could this comic be the inspiration for John Wick? 108.162.217.155 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

This movie actually exists and it's called Chocolate [1] 108.162.221.202 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)


'Beats up everyone', to me it seems a reference to video game of type 'Beat them all' which match with the image of the movie. 108.162.229.112 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)


There is an error in the explanation. Crank is listed as being in the Die Hard series. This is incorrect, Crank did have a sequel (High voltage) but neither had anything to do with Die Hard franchise. 173.245.50.100 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

And now, 8 years later, we have Mad Max: Fury Road. 162.158.38.212 07:47, 11 October 2016 (UTC)

And on top of that, John Wick and Hardcore Henry. Nonstop action movies are becoming a thing. --Zazathebot (talk) 19:41, 24 August 2017 (UTC)

Y'all're forgetting The Raid and The Raid 2. Perfect answers to this complaint. —P1h3r1e3d13 (talk) 21:24, 20 October 2017 (UTC)

But all of the above selections are still lacking in Summer Glau! 162.158.155.146 19:21, 19 December 2018 (UTC)

If you have a film that's a little exposition, and then endless action scenes, you end up with a Transformers movie. Or some other garbage by Michael Bay or J. J. Abrams. —Kazvorpal (talk) 06:33, 5 November 2019 (UTC) Or A Quiet Place

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u6MnPSh37I