540: Base System
Title text: I once got to second base with a basketball player. She was so confused.
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This comic is a pun on the Baseball metaphor used to describe how far a date went regarding erotic actions. The comic depicts a more complex version of the explanation adding a lot more baseball jargon. The title text mixes the metaphor with basketball to make the confusion even bigger.
The following actions are depicted as being out of play (not regarded as erotic actions or erotically active):
- Eye contact (however Eye contact from Janeane Garofalo is considered into play)
- Binary speak (the binary numbers are an ASCII representation of the characters "base 2".)
- Star trek fanboy fantasies (Replacing Riker's name with the one of your crush.)
After first base (kissing) comes a boring zone (at least for boys) as this is the zone where you move from kissing to stroking on the arm or back or face to finally make it to the breasts or other more "interesting" parts.
Sharing Root Passwords is considered the most intimate of the actions; which makes a joke on the importance of computers in a relationship, also making a pun on the word "Root." The Maginot Line is a military wall/bunker that was supposedly impenetrable but could be taken by going the "long way around" which is seemingly the same as passing the "virginity line." Standing anywhere near Peaches is referring to the musician Peaches who is known for her over use of sexual imagery.
- [Cueball and Ponytail are talking; Ponytail is sitting on the back of a chair with her feet on the seat, and Cueball is sitting on the floor facing her.]
- Ponytail: So how far did you get with her?
- Cueball: Second base?
- Ponytail: Wait, which one is that? Below the waist, but... not under the clothes?
- Cueball: I think that's... shortstop?
- Ponytail: You should try crossing the pitcher's mound. Then down the 50-yard line, and right past her ten-pin.
- Cueball: Sounds tricky.
- Ponytail: Yeah. Last time I tried it, I got a red flag. If you know what I mean.
- Cueball: I really don't.
- [A diagram of a baseball diamond.]
- The "Base" Metaphor Explained
- [Bases and x points are marked, as well as dashed lines covering the field.]
- [Along the first base line is "Your Base".]
- [Slightly right of that is a binary base:
- 0110 0010 0110 0001
- 0111 0011 0110 0101
- 0010 0000 0011 0010] ("base 2" in ASCII)
- [First base: Kissing.]
- [Second base: Hands under the shirt and/or licking.]
- [Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants").]
- [The following are x marks:
- Slightly right of home plate: Eye contact.
- Along the first base line: Passing notes.
- Slightly before first base: Downloading Star Trek fanfiction and replacing Riker's name with your Crush's.
- Right field: Eye contact from Janeane Garofalo.
- Between the pitcher and second base: Using the scroll thingy on that one Apple mouse.
- Near the shortstop: Dry humping.
- Left of second base: Fursuits.
- Farther left: Fursuits (crotchless).
- Just before home plate: Thigh contact.
- Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches.
- Foul of the third base line: Anal sex (fill in your own "Foul Ball" pun here.)
- Left outfield: 2outfielders1glove.
- Left outfield: Retrograde wheelbarrow.]
- [The following are dashed lines:
- A region along the line from first to second base: The Boring Zone.
- A line traveling across the second to third baseline, and towards home plate: The orgasm line. (Dry humping is on the "orgasm" side.)
- Between third base and home: "Virginity" (Maginot) line.]
- [Arrows pointing out various other features:
- An arrow crossing the "Virginity" line: Teens.
- An arrow nearer to home plate: Sharing root PWs.
- An arrow crossing the orgasm line in the outfield: Napoleon's forces.]