Editing 1619: Watson Medical Algorithm

In this comic, [[Randall]] uses a {{w|flowchart}} (as he [[:Category:Flowcharts|often does]]) to represent a guide to the algorithm used by Watson, including bizarre and horrifying techniques including surgical alteration of a patient to match a height and weight chart or squeezing the patient to make sure fluids come out of them. Like [[416: Zealous Autoconfig]], this comic pokes fun at a rigid, poorly-designed setup that ends up potentially doing more harm than good.

Modern {{w|medicine}} involves both standard processes and clinical judgment based around years of advanced training. An algorithm like this would have to be incredibly complicated in order to simulate the clinical judgment of a good doctor. However, some procedures are not normally used, and some would obviously cause damage.{{Citation needed}} Below is a [[#Explaination of steps|detailed description of each step]], but here is a list of some of the more strange steps:

**Injecting oxygen into patients with low {{w|Oxygen saturation (medicine)|oxygen saturation}}, rather than administering an oxygen mask or treating the root cause.

**{{w|Dissecting}} a doctor "for parts" after consulting them for advice.

Although there are two options where the patient is {{w|Inpatient_care#Planning_for_patient_discharge|discharged}} the patient should be very lucky to make it to one alive. The only survivable route requires the patient to be injecting with oxygen, which is typically lethal. The patient would also experience multiple unnecessary operations, which hopefully do not last long enough for their vitamin D levels or their phone battery to decrease significantly.

The other discharge option is to the right, three boxes down, and can only be reached if you survive having an oxygen saturation of less than 50 % (less than 80-90 % can be a serious problem, see [[#Explanation of steps|table below]]), and a very dangerous oxygen injection. Then you have to have a skin graft and a good D vitamin level. It is also best that you have a fully charged phone else you will be subject to defibrillation (which may very likely kill you, if it will continue until your phone is charged to above "low" level - which is probably not even possible).  

The title text implies that, if the patient is so lucky to ever reach one of the two places with the option "discharge patient", a minor glitch will cause the program to go back to the ''hunt down and capture patient'' option which thus force the patient and the program to repeat the process again in an infinite cycle, that will only end once the patient give another rating than 0-10 of their pain level on the 0-10 scale. Then the program will start to sequence their genome, then apply a tourniquet and finally perform an autopsy on what will, in the end, for certain be a deceased patient; but maybe the patient was still alive when the autopsy began. This will finally cause the patient to leave the cycle as a corpse. If the patient dies before giving a different option, the machine could get stuck, as it will never receive any answer to the pain level question. It could also get stuck trying to charge the patients phone battery by defibrillation.

|    | <b >This may be considered ethically dubious.{{Citation needed}}<span > </span></b>Possible reference to the Doctor Who episode “{{w|The Girl in the Fireplace}}”

Never underestimate the number of different types of fluid the body can produce. This may also be a refence to [[1148: Nothing to Offer]].

Not medically valid. Presumably a reference to how much cleaning up will be required by this stage.  Or, since this occurs when fluids are black, the black fluids might indicate that there are ashes or charred tissue, indicate that the patient has caught on fire and sprinklers are needed to extinguish the fire.

This is not a standard medical procedure, and not a good idea.  This is a reference to [[1681: Laser Products]]. At least in animal surgery, however, laser eye removal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smK0NYUtoqk does exist].

*[[Black Hat|The person]] who programmed the robot to perform this flowchart

*[[Black Hat|The person]] who allowed this state of affairs to occur

Indicated in cases where there is ventricular fibrillation, and to a lesser extent in other heart rhythm disorders, but would not help with a phone.

Valid, but not at this stage. Only used when the procedure will invoke unnecessary distress or pain to the patient if they were to be awake beforehand. This also has the implication that no anesthesia has been applied beforehand. This implication means the patient has likely been subject to unnecessary pain which is ethically dubious.

Acceptable in general, but the patient would most likely be dead in both cases as life is not possible without organs, and general anesthesia often requires mechanical ventilation to support breathing.

Useful. Patient may die if this clinical sign is missed. However, it should be noted that there is no option for "No blood loss".

Useful to ensure that the organization has current contact details for the patient in the event that they may need to contact the patient (e.g. to arrange further appointments)

Generally done prior to registering an individual for a driving license or to a medical practice, or to the relatives of the deceased if consent had not been acquired beforehand.

The only organs which can be safely removed from a living person without resulting in serious, chronic medical issues are the kidneys/lungs (only one can be removed), spleen, gonads (ovaries/testes), thyroid gland, part of the liver (as long as one lobe is left it can regrow to its original size) and colon (usually consisting of the appendix only). With some serious lifestyle modifications, the pancreas, pituitary gland, frontal lobe of brain, half of the brain, second kidney, adrenal glands, bladder, and most of the gut can be removed. The heart can be removed from the body and replaced with an artificial pump for a few months at the most. However, such organ removals are only indicated if there is a genuine clinical need to do so due to the non-negligible risk of death associated with these operations.