Editing 1679: Substitutions 3

{{comic
| number    = 1679
| date      = May 11, 2016
| title     = Substitutions 3
| image     = substitutions_3.png
| titletext = BREAKING: Channing Tatum and his friends explore haunted city
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|just a stub. More examples from real life. Include table explaining changes, examples of sentence substitiutions, and title text explanation.}}
This is the third time [[Randall]] has suggested substitutions that will make reading the news more fun. This time it will be even '''more''' fun!{{Citation needed}}  It began with [[1288: Substitutions]] which was followed more recently by [[1625: Substitutions 2]].

The title text in original form would be "Scientists explore ancient city", which most would consider a fairly bland headline. The day before this comic came out, there was news that a new, ancient city had been found by a 15 year old scientist, which may be what Randall was referencing.  Imagining Channing Tatum and his "friends", and pretending that the city is haunted, provides a much more dramatic setting mirroring many episodes (and later films) of ''Scooby Doo'' featuring a gang of friends (Mysteries, Inc.).

===Table of Substitutions===
{| class="wikitable" border="1" cellpadding="4" style="border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
! Original word/phrase !! Meaning !! Substitution !! New meaning
|-
| Gaffe || A social mistake, faux pas || Magic spell || A form of sorcery
|-
| Ancient || Very old || Haunted || Occupied by ghosts, spirits, etc., spooky
|-
| Star-studded || Featuring a lot of popular celebrities || Blood-soaked || 
Full of blood, or a place where a lot of violent deaths occurred
|-
| Remains to be seen || Unknown as of yet, speculative || Will never be known || Can never be determined, final statement indicating we've given up trying to understand, etc.
|-
| Silver bullet || Perfect solution || Way to kill werewolves || In {{werewolf}} folklore, a {{silver bullet}} was usually the only way to actually kill a werewolf.  The phrase "silver bullet" is usually used to mean something like "perfect solution" &mdash; this substitution suggests the more literal meaning of the phrase.
|-
| Subway system || A network of underground tunnels for commuter trains || Tunnels I found || A more personal and colloquial way to refer to underground tunnels, as though they had just been discovered for the first time.
|-
| Surprising || Unexpected || Surprising (but not to me) || The speaker/writer claims that everyone else is surprised by something, but he/she had anticipated it all along.
|-
| War of words || Public arguments, smear campaigns, etc. || Interplanetary war || A major conflict involving the civilizations of multiple planets. ({{w|Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy|"Well, that escalated quickly."}})
|-
| Tension || Anxiety, conflict between people or groups || Sexual tension || Situation in which two or more people attempt to avoid acknowledging being sexually attracted each other.
|-
| Cautiously optimistic || A guarded statement of optimism about a situation || Delusional || Firmly believing something in spite of clear evidence to the contrary
|-
| {{w|Doctor Who}} || Popular sci-fi TV series about time travel || {{w|The Big Bang Theory}} || A different TV comedy series about scientifically-gifted and socially awkward friends.
|-
| Win votes || To make a politician more popular and more likely to win an election || Find {{w|Pokémon}} || To collect virtual creatures in a popular video game series
|-
| Behind the headlines || Usually, to go into greater depth on a news story || Beyond the grave || To communicate with (or experience) life after death
|-
| Email / {{w|Facebook}} post / {{w|Twitter|Tweet}} || All forms of electronic communication.  The last two are forms of social networking. || Poem || An artistic form of writing that usually involves rhyming and meter.
|-
| Facebook CEO || {{w|Mark Zuckerberg}} || This guy || Any generic person.  Sometimes used in a derogatory fashion, or to refer to one's self.
|-
| Latest || The most recent in a series || Final || The last entry in a series (as in, there won't be any more).
|-
| Disrupt || Interrupt, temporarily hinder || Destroy || Make completely inoperable, remove all trace of, etc.
|-
| Meeting || A gathering of people to discuss a topic, as in business || Ménage à trois || One or more sex acts performed between three people.
|-
| Scientists || A group of people considered authorities in various scientific realms of study || {{w|Channing Tatum}} and his friends || A famous actor and a group of people closely associated with him.  The name was likely chosen at random.
|-
| You won't believe || A catchphrase used in "click-bait" headlines to attract attention and traffic || I'm really sad about || A different catchphrase expressing disappointment in the topic
|}

===Real life examples===
*Remains to be seen  ➜ Will never be known
**[http://english.cri.cn/12394/2016/04/30/4203s926079.htm Japan's Sincerity in Improving Bilateral Ties Will Never Be Known]
*Cautiously optimistic ➜ Delusional
**[http://jewishvoiceny.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=14455:london-jews-cautiously-optimistic-about-first-ever-muslim-mayor&catid=106:international&Itemid=289 London Jews Delusional About First-Ever Muslim Mayor]
*Silver Bullet ➜ Way to Kill Werewolves
**[http://moneymorning.com/2016/05/10/why-no-silver-bullet-will-ever-kill-crude-oil/ Why no Way to Kill Werewolves will Kill Crude Oil]
* Tension ➜ Sexual Tension; Meeting ➜ Ménage à Trois
**[http://townhall.com/tipsheet/cortneyobrien/2016/05/09/2016-race-roundup-tension-between-trumpryan-ahead-of-thursday-meeting-n2160407 Sexual Tension Between Trump-Ryan Ahead of Thursday Ménage à Trois]
*Gaffe  ➜ Magic Spell
**[http://www.theguardian.com/politics/blog/2016/may/11/david-cameron-corruption-remark-gaffe Was David Cameron's corruption remark really a magic spell?]
*Ancient  ➜ Haunted
**[http://gizmodo.com/teen-discovers-lost-maya-city-using-ancient-star-maps-1775735999 Teen Discovers Lost Maya City Using Haunted Star Maps]
*Star-Studded  ➜ Blood-Soaked
**[http://ewn.co.za/2016/05/11/Woody-Allen-tops-bill-at-star-studded-Cannes-festival Woody Allen tops bill at blood-soaked Cannes Festival]
*Subway system ➜ Tunnels I found
**[http://pix11.com/2016/05/09/dhs-releasing-harmless-gas-in-nyc-subway-system-to-test-bioterror-airflow/ DHS releasing harmless gas in NYC tunnels I found to prepare for possible attack]
*Surprising  ➜ Surprising (but not to me)
**[http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/05/11/476198119/a-surprising-japanese-presence-in-central-ohio A Surprising (But Not to Me) Japanese Presence In Central Ohio]
*War of Words  ➜ Interplanetary War
**[http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/Coimbatore/road-caves-in-leading-to-war-of-words-between-aiadmk-and-dmk/article8577830.ece Road caves in leading to interplanetary war between AIADMK and DMK]
*Tension  ➜ Sexual Tension
**[http://allafrica.com/stories/201605111244.html Uganda: Use Swearing-in to Ease Sexual Tension]
*Doctor Who  ➜ The Big Bang Theory
**[http://www.themarysue.com/doctor-who-trans-identity/ On The Big Bang Theory and My Struggle With My Trans Identity]
*Win votes ➜ Find Pokémon
**[http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/14479510.Jeremy_Corbyn_must_urgently_develop_strategy_to_win_votes__warns_failed_leadership_candidate_Yvette_Cooper/ Labour's Jeremy Corbyn must urgently develop strategy to find Pokémon, warns failed leadership candidate Yvette Cooper]
*Behind the headlines  ➜ Beyond the grave
**[http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/411443/behind-the-headlines-the-erev-pesach-story-we-all-should-be-talking-about.html Beyond the Grave: The Erev Pesach Story We All Should Be Talking About]
*Email / Facebook Post / Tweet  ➜ Poem
**[http://www.cbsnews.com/news/wtae-anchor-and-reporter-wendy-bell-apologizes-for-facebook-post-that-could-be-viewed-as-racist/ TV anchor admits poem about fatal shooting "could be viewed as racist"]
*Facebook CEO  ➜ This guy
**[http://hotair.com/archives/2016/05/10/senator-thune-demands-answers-from-facebook-about-news-bias/ Senator Thune demands answers from this guy about news bias]
*Latest  ➜ Final
**[http://www.engadget.com/2016/05/11/garmin-forerunner-735xt-running-watch/ Garmin's final running watch tracks your suffering]
*Disrupt  ➜ Destroy
**[https://news.fastcompany.com/amazon-thinks-it-can-disrupt-youtube-4006719 Amazon thinks it can destroy YouTube]
*Scientists  ➜ Channing Tatum and his friends
**[http://www.futurity.org/memory-acetylcholine-ptsd-1159862-2/ Channing Tatum and his friends test a way to erase scary memories]
*You won't believe  ➜ I'm really sad about
**[http://www.komando.com/happening-now/357958/iphone-7-rumor-you-wont-believe-what-it-looks-like iPhone 7 rumor: I'm really sad about what it looks like]

==Transcript==
:[Caption above the panel:]
:Even More 
:<big>'''Substitutions'''</big>
:That make reading the news more fun

:[A table of words/sentences on the left that change in to those on the left. Between each set of words there is an arrow pointing from right.]
:{|
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Gaffe
|  ➜ 
| Magic spell
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Ancient
|  ➜ 
| Haunted
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Star-Studded
|  ➜ 
| Blood-soaked
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Remains to be seen
|  ➜ 
| Will never be known
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Silver bullet
|  ➜ 
| Way to kill werewolves
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Subway system
|  ➜ 
| Tunnels I found
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Surprising
|  ➜ 
| Surprising (but not to me)
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | War of words
|  ➜ 
| Interplanetary war
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Tension
|  ➜ 
| Sexual tension
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Cautiously optimistic
|  ➜ 
| Delusional
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Doctor Who
|  ➜ 
| The Big Bang Theory
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Win votes
|  ➜ 
| Find Pokémon
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Behind the headlines
|  ➜ 
| Beyond the grave
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Email \
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Facebook Post 
|  ➜ 
| Poem
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Tweet /
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Facebook CEO
|  ➜ 
| This guy
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Latest
|  ➜ 
| Final
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Disrupt
|  ➜ 
| Destroy
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Meeting
|  ➜ 
| Ménage à trois
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | Scientists
|  ➜ 
| Channing Tatum<br> and his friends
|-
| style="text-align:right;" | You won't believe
|  ➜ 
| I'm really sad about
|}

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Substitutions]]
[[Category:Comics sharing name|Substitutions]]
[[Category:Language]]
[[Category:Science]]
[[Category:Politics]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]] <!--Channing Tatum-->
[[Category:Pokémon]]