Editing 1681: Laser Products

{{comic
| number    = 1681
| date      = May 16, 2016
| title     = Laser Products
| image     = laser_products.png
| titletext = ERRORS: HAIR JAM. COLOR-SAFE CONDITIONER CARTRIDGE RUNNING LOW. LEGAL-SIZE HAIR TRAY EMPTY, USING LETTER-SIZE HAIR ONLY.
}}

==Explanation==
This comic takes three {{w|laser|laser-based}} technologies - laser eye surgery, laserjet printers, and laser hair removal - and conflates them, with humorous results. These are illustrated through reviews by users of the resulting combinations. For the original combinations, the reviews are highly positive. For the new combinations, most are negative, because most of these new "technologies" are ill-conceived and possibly harmful.

'''{{w|Laser eye surgery}}''' gets a positive review, since it has successfully corrected the reviewer's vision, so that they no longer require glasses. There are a range of laser eye surgeries to correct near- and far-sightedness, as well as various other conditions. {{w|LASIK}}, one of the more common laser eye surgeries, works by using lasers to cut open the cornea and ablate a small amount of the lens.

'''Laser eye removal''' would be very painful, and thus the review is negative, stating that the reviewer had read the description incorrectly, likely believing it to be one of the real combinations on the chart. The screams of pain expressed in the review have the humorous implication that the review is being typed directly after the ill-advised procedure, though this may just be an after-the-fact expression of the reviewer's feelings. If they produced the review without aid, this would probably have been made more difficult as a result of the surgery (unless only one eye was removed). At least in animal surgery, however,  laser eye removal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smK0NYUtoqk does exist](WARNING: EXPLICIT/GRAPHIC CONTENT).

'''Laser eye printer''' refers to printing on (or possibly ''of'') an eyeball, which only prompts a disgusted "Eww" response. Both probably can find their applications, either in adding images onto ones eyes or creating artificial eyes for implantation, but would probably be quite disgusting to operate for many people.

'''Laser jet surgery''' could be performing maintenance on a jet with lasers, which would be potentially dangerous and error-prone.{{Citation needed}} Alternatively, it could mean laser surgery done on a human from a jet aircraft, using a laser mounted to it. The human being operated on could be aboard that aircraft, on another aircraft, or on land: in any case, it does not sound like a safe approach. Another interpretation is that it could refer to surgery using a jet made of lasers, which is even worse, as it would probably cause the entire body to be disintegrated.{{Citation needed}} Yet another interpretation is that the procedure would implant parts of a jet into one's body. The statement's ambiguity may contribute the reviewer's concern, or the reviewer could be nervous over the fact that it would be a very difficult and delicate procedure and trying it could easily go horribly wrong.

'''Laser jet removal''' appears to be the destruction of jets with lasers, which apparently works, but angered the Federal Aviation Administration, and probably resulted in legal consequences for the reviewer. This could be a reference to [https://www.faa.gov/about/initiatives/lasers/ the real FAA concern] of the many incidents of [http://www.laserpointersafety.com/laser-hazards_aircraft/laser-hazards_aircraft.html people using laser pointers] against aircraft. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laser_Weapon_System "Laser Jet Removal"] actually exists as a military weapon system, though it's primarily meant to be used against jet ''missiles'', rather than jet planes.

'''LaserJet printer''' is a popular {{w|HP LaserJet|line of Hewlett Packard laser printers}}. {{w|Laser printing}} is a technology which uses a laser to electrically charge a drum so that it collects ink in the form of the image to be printed, before transferring it to paper. The printer seems to work well for the reviewer, as it has been given a positive review.

'''Laser hair surgery''' turns out to be a fancy name for cutting hair with a laser -- an overengineered, and potentially dangerous, technique for achieving the same results that you could with clippers and scissors. It is rated neutrally, since it did the job, but the reviewer found the name confusing and they disliked the smell of burning hair.

'''{{w|Laser hair removal}}''' is the process of destroying hair follicles with bursts of laser light to prevent the growth of unwanted hair. This appears to have been effective for the reviewer.

'''Laser hair printer''' appears to be a bizarre printer that uses hair in place of paper, or perhaps as the construction material for a {{w|3D printing|3D printer}}. Unsurprisingly, this just creates disgusting messes of hair and keeps jamming the printer, resulting in a negative review. The title text extends this joke, giving some common printer error messages amended for the hair printer. A paper jam is when paper gets stuck in the workings of the printer, usually because it was creased, or more than one sheet fed in at once; in the hair printer this becomes a hair jam. An inkjet printer requires replaceable ink cartridges, and when the ink is used up this will usually result in an ink cartridge running low error; the hair printer appears to require cartridges of {{w|hair conditioner}}. As an additional twist, it uses color-safe conditioner, a product intended to prevent the washing out of dye from the users hair; here, it presumably protects the color of the printed image or item. Legal and Letter are {{w|Paper_size#North_American_paper_sizes|paper sizes}} used in North America; apparently, the same terms are used for standard supplies of hair for the hair printer.

Laser eye removal has been mentioned before, see the lower right part of the [[1619: Watson Medical Algorithm]] chart.

==Transcript==
:[Heading above the table:]
:Online Reviews of Laser Products

:[A three by three table with one word to the far left, from which three lines split out and goes to three words just left of each of the three rows. Above each column is three other words. Below in the table are nine reviews with star rating on a five star scale. The rating is indicated with black stars and also use half filled stars in the rating system.]
:{| class="wikitable"
!colspan="2"|
! ...surgery
! ...removal
! ...printer
|-
!rowspan="3"|Laser
! eye...
| ★★★★⯪<br>"I don't need<br>glasses anymore!"<br><br> || ⯪☆☆☆☆<br>"Aaaaaaa! Misread<br>the description!<br>Aaaaaaaaaaaa!!" || ★☆☆☆☆<br>"Eww."<br><br><br>
|-
! jet...
| ★⯪☆☆☆<br>"Too nervous<br>to try it."<br><br> || ★★⯪☆☆<br>"Effective, but<br>the FAA got<br>''really'' mad." || ★★★★☆<br>"Prints great!"<br><br><br>
|-
! hair...
| ★★⯪☆☆<br>"Confusing term<br>for haircut.<br>Burning smell." || ★★★★☆<br>"Great results!"<br><br><br> || ⯪☆☆☆☆<br>"Disgusting, won't<br>turn off, jams<br>constantly."<br>
|-
|}


{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Charts]]
[[Category:Online reviews]]