Editing 2669: Things You Should Not Do

This comic references various questions submitted by people and used in the [[what if? (blog)|''what if?'' blog]] and the ''[[What If? (book)|What If?]]'' and ''[[What If? 2]]'' books. In particular, promoting [[Randall]]'s new book, ''What if? 2'' (released 6 days after the date of this comic publication). This comic has a list of things not to do, an extension of a previous list, and is purportedly things Randall discovered as he was doing research for his book.  A visit to the [https://what-if.xkcd.com/archive/ What If? archive] shows the titles, publishing date, and a thumbnail for each article.  Many of the acts described under the "new" section of the list are depicted in these thumbnails (see table below); others are references to examples or hypotheticals explored within the articles. The entries are all in order of their appearance in the book.   

!Number !! Entry !! ''What If? 2'' section referenced !! Explanation

! colspan="4" | From existing list

|This probably runs the risk of the cat learning that treats are in the shape of your hand, resulting in the cat attempting to eat your hand, instead of the cat treat.

! colspan="4" | New!

|Geysers shoot steam and hot water upward. If a person were to lean over the geyser and look down during an eruption, they would be struck in the face by this hot liquid and gas mixture and severely injured or killed.{{Actual citation needed}} This is a reference to the question from ''What-If? 2'' (called, appropriately enough, "Geyser"), in which it is asked what might happen to a person if they stood on top of the Old Faithful geyser as it erupted.

|A hot air balloon could present an irresistible target to the people firing their weapons at the range. The balloon could be shot and you could fall to your death. Shooting bullets up and over the designated backstop and berm is also a public danger to anyone past downrange.

|This is a reference to an entry in the new book, and an image of what it would look like is shown in [[2575: What If? 2]], where a potato peeler is used to remove the crust of the Earth. Several *What If* blog posts also result in massive damage to the earth's crust, including what happened to Texas [https://what-if.xkcd.com/153/ here].

 

This is a reference to a chapter from the new book, which refers to removing the Earth's mass to lose weight.

|[https://what-if.xkcd.com/84/ Paint the Earth]

|This would be difficult and require more paint than humanity has ever produced.

|Short Answers #2

|A reference to a short answer question in ''What If? 2''.

|[https://what-if.xkcd.com/108/ Expensive Shoebox]

|A reference to one of the examples listed in the answer.

|A {{w|lava lamp}} is a glass lamp, which contains a wax mixture inside, and heats so that the wax rises and falls. Putting actual lava inside a regular lava lamp would most likely cause the lamp to melt and the glass to shatter, not to mention handling lava is very dangerous.{{Citation needed}} However, in this entry, Randall says it would be fairly easy to find a material that would be able to handle the heat of the lava and thus this would be rather anticlimactic.

|Drinking someone else's blood is a bad idea unless you are a vampire. If someone has a {{w|viral hemorrhagic fever}}, it is much worse, as they have a very serious and likely deadly disease which can be transmitted by sharing bodily fluids, such as blood. Drinking blood is the theme of this answer. Randall teaches us that drinking blood would induce vomiting, and would be a VERY bad idea.

|Eating meat from rabid animals could give you {{w|rabies}}, a virus which is nearly always fatal if not treated prior to the appearance of initial symptoms. Pathogen contamination in cooked foods can persist on the surface of ''e.g.'' tongs, chopsticks, or a fork used to grill, which is why the USDA doesn't generally allow kitchen utensils to touch raw or ready to eat foods at all. Exceptions for utensils which touch only raw or partially cooked foods, such as grill spatulas and the like, are often allowed and can be negotiated on a case-by-case basis when they would otherwise be prohibited. The rabies virus permeates essentially all nerve tissue before symptoms appear.

|Eyeball

|Refers to an answer in the book regarding seeing your own eyeball as well as the end of [https://what-if.xkcd.com/82/ this answer]

|While issuing false statements to government regulators is a violation of both California and Federal law, for which prison sentences can reach ten years and fines can reach ten thousand dollars plus any compensatory damages, as per [https://california.public.law/codes/ca_penal_code_section_132 California Penal Code § 132] and [https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1001 18 U.S. Code § 1001], there is some question about whether any competent regulatory authority would ever take such an assertion seriously, and whether they would be liable for greater damages for doing so than the potential liability of the original culprit involved. Actually doing this, even to county level regulators, could result in a series of events very disadvantageous to you, your farm, and your employees. However, declaring that you're producing Pokémon eggs to your local municipality is probably harmless, and likely to brighten the day of your local regulators.{{cn}} Furthermore, as mentioned in ''What If? 2'', [https://california.public.law/codes/ca_food_and_agric_code_section_27637 California Food and Agricultural Code § 27637] bars anyone from making false or misleading statements about eggs, and Poké Balls could be considered a type of egg.

|[https://what-if.xkcd.com/147/ Niagara Straw]

|An oblique reference to the image near the end of this answer.

|{{w|Ammonia}} is an [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EPA_list_of_extremely_hazardous_substances extremely hazardous substance] and pumping it into your abdomen would result in a painful death due to ammonia toxicity. As the book mentions, however, at the very least some of it would be neutralized with your stomach acid.

|Despite its name, sunscreen only protects against some types of radiation from the sun. No amount is going to be adequate protection if you are right inside the sun.{{Actual citation needed}} Also, sunscreen, being a gel, would evaporate when exposed to vacuum. When exposed to the plasma of the coronal surface or the Sun's interior, it would quickly ionize along with anything inside it, becoming plasma like the rest of the Sun.