Editing 549: Westley's a Dick

{{comic
| number    =549
| date      =February 27, 2009
| title     =Westley's a Dick
| image     =westleys_a_dick.png
| titletext =Inigo/Buttercup 4eva <3
}}

==Explanation==
{{incomplete|Clean up or remove movie synopsis}}
This is an alternate take on the 1973 fantasy romance novel ''{{w|The Princess Bride}}'' written by {{w|William Goldman}} which became a {{w|The Princess Bride (film)|film in 1987}}. 

In the movie the main character, Buttercup, believes she has lost her first love to the Dread Pirate Roberts years ago. In the present she is considered one of the most beautiful women of the land and so is being married off to a Prince. To provoke a war she has been kidnapped by mercenaries one of which is a very honorable Spanish swordsman named Inigo Montoya. A man claiming to be the the Dread Pirate Roberts rescues her. She attacks him pulling him down a hill. While tumbling down the hill he shouts back "as you wish" identifying him as her first love. 

There are, however, several "dick moves" Westley must have made in order for the film's narrative to make sense.
# He took over as the Dread Pirate Roberts becoming a pirate and therefore not respectable, killing people, sacking ports, and looting ships for a living. 
# Over the last five years, Westley has allowed Buttercup to believe that he'd been murdered, preventing her getting on with the rest of her life.

Westly breaks the fourth wall and claims he did all of these things for the sake of the {{w|narrative}}. In other words he did it to make the story better. 
In the comic Buttercup realizes that Westley has behaved like a dick and chooses to give her love to Inigo Montoya. But in the movie, he and Buttercup end up together in spite of this behavior!

The title text shows what looks like a message she and Inigo has written together, for instance in a heart on a tree. Inigo is the Spaniard referred to by Buttercup. Their names, then forever (4eva) and a heart (smiley heart = "<3"), Implying they did end up together according to this version of the story.

It is not the first time [[Randall]] has referenced this movie, as the Dread Pirate was referenced in [[345: 1337: Part 5]], and a quote from this movie is in the title text of [[1427: iOS Keyboard]]. So it seems like a film that has some meaning for Randall.

===Princess Bride ===
The story takes place in the country of Florin. Buttercup (played by {{w|Robin Wright}} and here depicted as a girl with long hair) was a farmer who took her greatest joy from bossing Westley ({{w|Cary Elwes}} here depicted as [[Cueball]] with a black {{w|bandana}}) around like a servant. His only reply to her requests would be, "As you wish". As time passed, Buttercup realized that when Westley said "As you wish", what he really meant was "I love you". And one day she realized that she truly loved him back.

However, having no money for marriage, Westley went away to seek his fortune across the sea. Buttercup soon received word that Westley had been murdered by the {{w|Dread Pirate Roberts}}, and for days she neither slept nor ate, falling into a deep despondency and swearing that she would never love again. But really Westly was apprenticing under the Dread Pirate Roberts. Later taking over the title from am man who ''also'' isn't the original DPR. Westley became, at minimum, the fourth man known as the Dread Pirate Roberts — it's a legacy name designed to evoke fear into the populace. (As he said, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate ''Westley''.)

Five years later, the aged King of Florin is near death, and the heir apparent, Prince Humperdinck, chooses Buttercup to be his bride, considering her to be the fairest maiden in the land. However, Buttercup doesn't love him. One day, while out riding, she is captured by three bandits — a Sicilian self-proclaimed genius named Vizzini, Spanish swordsman Inigo Montoya, and gentle giant Fezzik. (Vizzini is the only one of the trio who's genuinely malevolent, though.) The trio had been hired by Humperdinck to kill Buttercup and make it look like rival nation Guilder was responsible, giving Humperdinck the only excuse he needs to start a war between the two countries.

What they didn't count on was that Westley, wearing the outfit of a "Man in Black" (all-black clothing, sword, and black mask) was following them to stop them. Catching up to the trio, Westley defeats Inigo in fencing, Fezzik in hand-to-hand combat (rendering the two of them unconscious), and then kills Vizzini in a battle of wits.

Westley doesn't reveal his identity to Buttercup at first, but he gladly admits to being the Dread Pirate Roberts. Believing him to have been responsible for Westley's death, Buttercup gets into a vehement argument with him, culminating with her saying, "I ''died'' that day! And you can die too, for all I care!" She pushes him off a hill, with Westley replying "Aaaaaass... yoooooouuuu... wiiiiiish!" on the way down. Finally realizing who he is, she rolls down after him.

Of course, Inigo has had to be a bad guy for awhile now himself, but he admitted even to Westley that he was just doing it to pay the bills.

===Inigo Montoya===
Inigo's father was commissioned to make a sword for a nobleman with a six-fingered right hand. When the payment was to be made the six-fingered man tried to lower the price. He refused to sell the six-fingered man the sword as he felt the six-fingered man could not appreciate the sword. The six-fingered man killed Inigo's father in front of Inigo. Inigo challenged the six-fingered man to a fight and promptly lost. The six-fingered mans spared Inigo's life and allowed him to keep the sword, but marks his face with two cuts, one on each cheek. Afterwords Inigo devoted himself to becoming a great swordsman to avenge his father. 

After his training was complete he was unable to find the six-fingered man. Inigo becomes a drunk and he joins a group of mercenaries lead by Vizzini. Vizzini, Inigo, and a Turk named Fezzik are hired by an unknown man to kidnap and kill the "princess bride", Buttercup. While rescuing Buttercup, Westley defeats Inigo, but spares his life. Inigo falls back into drunkenness. Eventually, Fezzik finds him and helps him regain his health. They rescue Westley after discovering he was captured by the six-fingered man. Inigo joins Westley to fight Humperdinck and find the six-fingered man.

While storming Humperdinck's castle, Inigo confronts the six-fingered man reciting the words he has practiced for this day since he was a child: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." He chases the six-fingered man until the six-fingered man throws a knife, delivering what would be a mortal wound to any lesser man. Mocking Inigo's quest as the six-fingered prepares to deliver the fatal blow. At the last second, Inigo recovers his strength by repeating his montra "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."  Inigo and duels the six-fingered man continuously repeating the fateful words. Inigo disarms marks the face of the six-fingered man, as the six-fingered man had done to him. After the six-fingered man begs for his life and offering to give Inigo anything the six-fingered man attacks again. Inigo replies, "I want my father back, you son of a bitch," and kills him.

At the end of the film, having avenged his father and thus no longer in "the revenge business,"  Inigo ponders what he will do with the rest of his life. In response, Westley offers Inigo the position of his successor as "The Dread Pirate Roberts."  The novel ends with Inigo's wounds reopening while he is on the run from the Brute Squad, leaving his future in doubt.

==Transcript==
:[A girl (Buttercup) with long hair and a man (Westley) looking like Cueball but with a bandana lies at the foot of a high cliff. There is a forest in the background]
:Buttercup: Oh, my sweet Westley!

:[Buttercup sits on her knees, Westley takes off his bandana.]
:Buttercup: Why did you let me think you were dead?
:Westley: You shacked up with the prince!
:Buttercup: After years of mourning! The worst pain of my life!

:[Buttercup stands up looking down on Westley who still sits with the bandana in his hand.]
:Buttercup: And now you ... kill people?
:Westley: I'd hardly be a dread pirate if I didn't.
:Buttercup: How lovable.

:[Westley stands with the bandana in hand while Buttercup walks away from him.]

:Westley: It was for the sake of the narrative!
:Buttercup: Fuck the narrative. I'm going to go see if that Spaniard's single.
:Westley: ...As you wish.

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Romance]]