311: Action Movies

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Action Movies
By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau.
Title text: By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau.

[edit] Explanation

A common complaint about action films is that they are light on plot and heavy on pointless violence and special effects. Live Free or Die Hard and Crank (film) are both typical action films in this respect.

Cueball reverses this complaint, stating that proportional to the run-time of the movie, there could be much more action and much less plot. Megan adds that a pre-existing character could further eliminate the need for exposition and provide more time for action. "River Tam Beats Up Everyone" is a hypothetical title for such a film, and also a complete plot summary. River Tam is a character (played by Summer Glau) from the short-lived TV series Firefly, a character who could plausibly beat up a large number of people in an entertaining way.

The title text suggests that Randall did not find too much action in the contemporary "Live Free or Die Hard" compared with the rest of the film.

[edit] Transcript

[Cueball and Megan are talking together as they walk away from a cinema.]
Cueball: Another summer gone without a mindless big-budget action movie.
Megan: Huh? Die Hard was nothing BUT action!
Cueball: No, it was too talky.
Megan: What? Too talky?
Cueball: I tallied it minute-by-minute. It's at least 60% people walking and talking. ALL those movies are.
Cueball: Just once, I want a real action movie. 30 seconds of exposition followed by a perfect 90-minute action scene. One with a huge budget, a good choreographer, and a great director.
Megan: And they should center it around some character we already know, someone we never get tired of watching.
Cueball: I think we've got something here...
[A movie poster is shown.]
Coming this summer
River Tam
Beats up EVERYONE
[The movie shows a line of houses, there are people beat up and lying in doorways, out of windows, and on the sidewalk. River Tam is doing a flying kick into someone's face.]
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Discussion

Dangit, I want to see this. 199.27.130.148 04:44, 19 November 2013 (UTC)

He used Papyrus. :| 108.162.225.57 11:19, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

Madness combat minus hank plus river tam? 08:03, 14 January 2014 (UTC)
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