Editing 997: Wait Wait

{{comic
| number    = 997
| date      = December 30, 2011
| title     = Wait Wait
| image     = wait_wait.png
| titletext = You can't stab Carl Kasell. He sounds all slow and stentorian, but he moves like a snake.
}}

==Explanation==

{{incomplete|Provide a detailed explanation for all panels.}}

''{{w|Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me}}'' is an hour-long weekly radio news panel game show produced by {{w|Chicago Public Radio}} and {{w|National Public Radio}}. The show is hosted by {{w|playwright}} and actor {{w|Peter Sagal}}. Each episode ends with the panelists making up a potential future news story, usually with implausible "facts". This comic is making puns on the title of the show based on what Peter Sagal might have done that was newsworthy.

{{w|Carl Kasell}}, who also served as the news anchor on {{w|Morning Edition}}, was the show's official judge and scorekeeper until May 2014 (after this comic was published), when he retired and was replaced by Bill Kurtis.

{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%;"
|+ Headlines
|- 
! scope="col" | Headline Explanation
! scope="col" | Column 1
! scope="col" | Column 2
! scope="col" | Column 3
! scope="col" | Column 4
|-
! scope="row" | Row 1
| This panel imagines Peter Sagal in a hostage standoff inside a {{w|Whole Foods}} grocery store. If one were a hostage, they would likely try to plead for their life, maybe saying something similar to "Wait, wait, don't shoot me!"
| If someone quit the race for nomination in the {{w|GOP}} (or any political party), they would likely be taken off the ballot and people would no longer be able to vote for them.
| This paper mocks classic celebrity scandal articles. In this example, {{w|Peter Sagal}} confesses his feelings towards {{w|Kermit the Frog}}.
| This paper may refer to the {{w|Michael_Richards#2006–2012:_Laugh_Factory_incident_and_aftermath| Laugh Factory Incident}} of 2006.
|-
! scope="row" | Row 2
| One meaning of "axe" is "end, cancel, or dismiss suddenly and ruthlessly." In this case, NPR is canceling ''Wait Wait'', Sagal's quiz show.
| In this paper, it's imagined that Sagal stabbed Carl Kasell on air, likely out of anger after being interrupted by him.
| Poison ivy has an irritating oil on its leaves called {{w|urushiol}} that causes an itchy, irritating rash on the contact site. In this scenario, Sagal touched some poison ivy with his face, and is urging people to not look at his unsightly rash.
| This panel may be inspired by [https://www.npr.org/2011/02/26/134060943/actor-jesse-eisenberg-plays-not-my-job a segment of ''Wait Wait'' in January 2011] in which actor {{w|Jesse Eisenberg}} revealed he had made a Facebook account under Sagal's name, and later deleted it.
|-
! scope="row" | Row 3
| {{w|Lakshmi Singh}} is NPR's national midday newscaster. In this panel, it's revealed that Sagal had an affair with Singh. 
| In this headline, Sagal's wife divorces him over his affair with Singh.
| This paper references a protest at {{w|UC Davis}} (on the campus of University of California, Davis) in early 2012 in which sitting, peaceful protesters were calmly pepper-sprayed in their faces by a police officer. That spawned an [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/casually-pepper-spray-everything-cop internet meme of epic proportions].
|Exchanging cash for tote bags is typically legal, so the headline noting a "scandal" implies that Sagal and his associates were doing something less savory in addition to selling/buying tote bags.
|-
! scope="row" | Row 4
| There are many ethical and philosophical concerns about cloning, and so it makes sense that a prominent figure like Sagal might come out against it, especially if his DNA was harvested without his consent.
| This headline is a reference to the movie ''{{w|Ghostbusters}}'', in which a team of scientists is tasked with capturing and "busting" malicious ghosts.
| This paper may be a reference to {{w|Granny Weatherwax}} of Terry Pratchett's ''{{w|Discworld}}'' novels; Granny Weatherwax is a witch who carries a sign saying "[https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=i%20aten't%20ded I ATEN'T DED]"[sic] while having out-of-body experiences.
| Objectifying people is generally frowned upon as it can be harmful and demeaning, and this headline plays on that, referencing how someone might describe their experience with objectification as being reduced to a piece of meat.
|-
! scope="row" | Row 5
| {{w|Beatification}}, not to be confused with {{w|beautification}}, is a religious process that recognizes the entry of a deceased person into heaven and their ability to intercede on behalf of others who pray in their name. This process is usually reserved for especially holy individuals, so it is unlikely that Sagal would be beatified.
| This paper references an internet meme in which someone leaves out the verb in the sentence. The implication is that the verb is something bad, but ''which'' bad thing is left as an exercise to stew in the reader's mind. See the [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-accidentally I Accidentally ___ meme] for more information.
| This paper is a reference to stories and myths in which an entity known as an {{tvtropes|EldritchAbomination|Eldritch Abomination}} can be summoned, awoken, or alerted to someone's presence when its name is spoken. A well-known example of this is the entity Cthulhu in the Lovecraft mythos.
|''This American Life'' is a weekly public radio podcast which has a different theme each week and puts together a collection of stories on said topic. ''Wait Wait'' is usually treated as a fun, low-stakes game, so the "trauma" of losing is unclear.
|}

Two years later another New Years comic, [[1311: 2014]], took a similar look at what could happen in 2014, just as this does for 2012. Interesting enough the title of that comic (just the year it was looking at) is more related to the title of the next comic after this one, which is also a New Year comic, and the title is also just the number of the year: [[998: 2012]].

==Transcript==
:Headlines
:Stockpiled in case Peter Sagal, host of NPR's ''Wait Wait Don't Tell Me'', does something newsworthy in 2012.
:[A series of above-the-fold newspapers follows. Each has a headline and a blurb, and most have a picture.]
:[First row, first newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Shoot Me
:NPR's Sagal in Whole Foods hostage standoff.
:[A fierce Peter Sagal in a balaclava brandishes a gun in a supermarket.]

:[First row, second newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Vote For Me
:Peter Sagal quits race for GOP top spot
:[A sullen and defeated Peter Sagal surrounded by supporters admits defeat.]

:[First row, third newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Judge Me
:Sagal opens up about his Kermit fantasy.
:[Stock profile images of Peter Sagal and Kermit the Frog.]

:[First row, fourth newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Fire Me
:Peter Sagal let go after racist tirade.
:[Stock profile image of Peter Sagal.]

:[Second row, first newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Cancel Me
:NPR axing news quiz.
:[NPR spokesperson delivering announcement.]

:[Second row, second newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Interrupt Me
:Sagal stabs Carl Kasell in on-air dispute.
:[Peter Sagal mid-attack with a knife.]

:[Second row, third newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Look At Me
:Peter Sagal's Poison Ivy Ordeal
:[Peter Sagal with a skin condition.]
:Peter Sagal: "My 'Nam"

:[Second row, fourth newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Friend Me
:Peter Sagal deletes his Facebook account.
:[Person holding up a laptop with a "Facebook account not found" screen.]

:[Third row, first newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Seduce Me
:How Lakshmi Singh stole Sagal's Heart.
:[A wistful Lakshmi Singh being left by a sullen Peter Sagal.]

:[Third row, second newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Leave Me
:Sagal's wife out after affair
:[A wistful Peter Sagal being left by a furious Beth Sagal.]

:[Third row, third newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Spray Me
:Police Raid Sagal's Occupy NPR protest
:[Scummy policeman in riot gear spraying Peter Sagal in the face point blank.]

:[Third row, fourth newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Indict Me
:Sagal, five others named in cash-for-tote-bags scandal 
:[Peter Sagal doing a perp walk.]

:[Fourth row, first newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Clone Me
:Peter Sagal 'Outraged' over DNA harvesting.
:[Fiery Peter Sagal, missing a small amount of DNA, at a lectern.]

:[Fourth row, second newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Bust Me
:Peter Sagal's ghost captured
:[Ghostbusters, careful not to cross the streams, capture the ghost of Peter Sagal.]

:[Fourth row, third newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Dissect Me
:Snoozing Sagal nearly snuffed in autopsy snafu
:[Peter Sagal running away from from a very surprised pathologist.]
:Peter Sagal: "I aten't dead"

:[Fourth row, fourth newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Objectify Me
:Peter Sagal is more than just a piece of meat
:[No image]

:[Fifth row, first newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Beatify Me
:Peter Sagal Rebukes Pope
:[Peter Sagal shakes his fist at a picture of the pope.]

:[Fifth row, second newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Me
:Peter Sagal Accidentally
:[Peter Sagal on a blank background upside-down.]

:[Fifth row, third  newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Don't Speak Its Name
:Peter Sagal wakes Eldritch terror
:[A pair of eyes on a black background.]
:Peter Sagal:"AAAAAAAA"

:[Fifth row, fourth newspaper.]
:Title: Wait Wait Even For NPR This Is A Bit Much
:''This American Life'' to document the road to recovery for those who suffer the trauma of losing on Wait Wait
:[No image]

{{comic discussion}}

[[Category:New Year]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
[[Category:Comics featuring Ponytail]]
[[Category:Comics featuring real people]]
[[Category:Comics with inverted brightness]]
[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
[[Category:Ghostbusters]]
[[Category:Ghosts]]