Editing 1549: xkcd Phone 3

{{comic
| number    = 1549
| date      = July 10, 2015
| title     = XKCD Phone 3
| image     = xkcd_phone_3.png
| titletext = If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.
}}

{{Incomplete|First draft}}

==Explanation==
This is a follow up to [[1363: xkcd Phone]] and [[1465: xkcd Phone 2]]. It parodies common smartphone specs by attributing absurd or useless features to a fictional phone.

{| class="wikitable"
!Feature
!Explanation
|-
|'''Ear screen'''
| A strange phrase as the word screen refers to a visual artifact while the ear process sound. It may refer to the loudspeaker.
|-
|'''Heartbeat accelerator'''
| A mashup of heartbeat sensor and accelerometer. May be some sort of external pacemaker. If that's the case, it's worrying that it only accelerates, potentially causing a positive feedback (heart attack).
|-
|'''MobilePay money clip'''
| While mobile pay is a form of payment involving electronic transfers via cellphone, this model includes a money clip; a way of holding physical bills together, which beats the purpose of electronic payment. Whether this is a clip that transfers money digitally or the phrase mobile pay is just a marketing tag is unknown. 
|-
|'''Siri, or whoever it was we put in here'''
| A joke on intelligent personal assistants. It also jokes that Siri and the like are actual people, trapped inside of phones.
|-
|'''Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through''' 
| A reference to surface screens
|-
|'''theknot.com partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random'''
| [https://www.theknot.com/ theknot.com] is a website that assists in all stages of wedding planning. Due to this partnering, the phone has apparently obtained legal status as a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justice_of_the_peace Justice of the peace] capable of performing legally valid marriages. It exerts this capability randomly however, so the phone's owner (or potentially any other unsuspecting bystander) could suddenly find themselves with a new spouse without their knowledge, generally an undesired effect. Whether this would result in unintentional [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigamy bigamy] or if the phone enacts divorce first if necessary is left unclear.
|-
|'''Fingerprint randomizer'''
| Presumably randomises the user's finger print, which may or may not be inconvenient depending on the intent of the user. It is not clear whether the device will change the person's fingerprint into a human-like fingerprint that is randomly selected from all possibilities, or if it completely mangles the fingerprint of the user
|-
|'''USB E (hotswappable)'''
| A USB cable that presumably charges the phone and allows to transfer files like normal, but this kind lets you perform [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_swapping Hot swapping] (replacing computer system components without turning the system off) with it, which would be pointless because the USB will not affect the phone if you took the components out, so you can keep it in away. May be a reference to the eSATAp (Power over eSATA) hybrid port that is functioning as a USB and eSATA port at the same time. The Serial ATA bus interface has standardised hot swapping support.
Furthermore, hot swapping of usb-cables has also been a primary design goal of the USB standard since its first inception, and is therefore not worth mentioning separately other than for marketing reasons. Hot-swapping of the ''connector itself'' would be novel, but useless.
The most recently released version of the USB standard was [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USB-C USB-C]. A hypothetical next version would likely use "D" first, so the "E" is just suggesting being "more advanced" without any substantiation.
|-
|'''waterproof, but can drown'''
| Perhaps a reference to Siri or the person trapped in the phone drowning, but the phone itself staying functional. This is another human-like function, which the first 2 XKCD Phone comics had.
|-
|'''Foretold by prophecy'''
| Likely mocking people on the internet who attempt to predict when Apple will release their next device.
|-
|'''Runs Natively'''
| All software in the phone will run specifically to the capabilities of the internal hardware. This would make the phone incapable of running most widely used applications from app stores, which would render it useless to most people.
|-
|'''Wristband'''
| Probably mocking trending smart watches
|-
|'''Wireless discharging'''
| Many modern cellphones feature wireless charging, which uses electromagnetic induction to charge the battery of the device. This model, apparently uses the same technology to discharge the battery; which, of course is something undesired, as one needs the battery's energy to run the phone. May also refer to the standard behaviour of the phone's antenna, which communicates wirelessly via EM radio waves, but discharges the battery in doing so.
|-
|'''Magnetic stripe'''
| Likely a dig at the NFC (near-field communication) wireless radio modules in many modern phones. NFC allows, among others functions, mobile payment. This magnetic stripe could be a cheap way to imitate payment functionality, but "compatible" with classic credit cards.
Magnetic stripes are a data storage method used by devices such as credit cards and key cards to hold and transfer smalls amounts of information like key codes. Usually cellphones don't have them as they utilize more robust and protected ways to store and transmit data (such as NFC). The magnetic stripe shown would likely be unusable with current magnetic stripe readers due to the phone's thickness, in contrast to that of regular cards, thus breaking all imagined 'compatibility' arguments.
It would also b very annoying as it seems to block part of the screen.
|-
|'''2 AA batteries (not included)'''
| A phrase usually shown on small low powered electronic devices like remote controllers, and not on cellphones; which use lithium ion batteries and need to be constantly recharged for continuous use.
|-
|'''boneless'''
| Reference to meat or fish products being boneless, i.e. having all the bones removed, making it convenient to cook or eat. Unclear why a phone would be boneless since it is mostly inedible, perhaps a reference to the person trapped inside having their bones removed to make them easier to fit inside, or stating that the phone is flexible. (A possible reference to the iPhone 6's reported problems with it's chassis, where it [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPhone_6#Chassis_bending could bend under pressure])
|}

The phrase "We made another one®©™" is a reference to how phone companies release new phones very often, and the trademarks that surround the phone itself.

The title text is a joke on guarantees and customer service. Usually the advertisement says that if the customer is not satisfied with the product, they'll refund the money and take the product back at no additional cost. In this case they guarantee the customer they'll send him/her home without charge; implying they won't fix or refund anything.

==Transcript==
:Ear screen
:Heartbeat accelerator
:MobilePay money clip
:Siri, or whoever it was w put in here
:Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
:theknot.con partnership: Phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
:Fingerprint randomizer
:USB E (hotswappable)
:waterproof, but can drown
:Foretold by prophecy
:Runs Natively
:Wristband
:Wireless discharging
:Magnetic stripe
:2 AA batteries (not included)
:boneless

:Introducing
:The XKCD phone 3
:we made another one<sup>&reg;&copy;</sup>&trade;

{{comic discussion}}
[[Category:Smartphones]]