1681: Laser Products
Title text: ERRORS: HAIR JAM. COLOR-SAFE CONDITIONER CARTRIDGE RUNNING LOW. LEGAL-SIZE HAIR TRAY EMPTY, USING LETTER-SIZE HAIR ONLY.
This comic takes three laser-based technologies - laser eye surgery, laserjet printers, and laser hair removal - and conflates them, with humorous results. These are illustrated through reviews by users of the resulting combinations. For the original combinations, the reviews are highly positive. For the new combinations, most are negative, because most of these new "technologies" are ill-conceived and possibly harmful.
Laser eye surgery gets a positive review, since it has successfully corrected the reviewer's vision, no longer requiring them to use glasses. However, laser eye removal would be very painful, and thus the review is negative, stating that the reviewer had read the description incorrectly, likely believing it to be one of the real combinations on the chart. This is not the first time laser eye removal has been mentioned, see the lower right part in the 1619: Watson Medical Algorithm chart. Laser eye printer refers to printing on (or possibly of) an eyeball, which gets an "Eww" response.
Laser jet surgery makes the reviewer nervous, as performing maintenance on a jet with lasers is potentially dangerous and could easily be done incorrectly.  Alternatively, laser jet surgery could mean laser surgery done on a human from a jet aircraft with a laser mounted to it (unspecified whether the human being operated on is aboard that aircraft as well, another aircraft, or on land: in any case, not a safe idea). The ambiguity of the phrase may contribute to the person's concern. Laser jet removal implies the destruction of jets with lasers, which works, but angers the Federal Aviation Administration, and probably resulted in legal consequences for the reviewer. Laserjet printing gets a positive review, as it is legitimate printing technology that works well for the reviewer.
Laser hair surgery is rated neutrally, with the reviewer pointing out that they consider the phrase to be bizarre and they note that the using a laser to cut hair results in a smell of burning hair. Laser hair removal is reviewed well, as it is a real process that effectively removes unwanted hair. Laser hair printer is negatively reviewed for being disgusting, the printer jamming, and the machine being unable to stop printing the hair.
The title text expands on the laser hair printer from the last entrance, displaying standard printer error messages, replacing "paper" with "hair". It also replaces "ink" with "color-safe conditioner".
Laser eye surgery
LASIK, one of the more common laser eye surgeries, works by cutting open the cornea and ablating a small amount of the lens. Lasers are used for both steps. This, or equivalent, is the referenced surgery. There are other laser eye surgeries for various other conditions besides near- and far-sightedness.
LaserJet is a brand name used by Hewlett Packard (HP) for its line of laser printers.
Laser printing is an electrostatic digital printing process. It produces high-quality text and graphics (and moderate-quality photographs) by repeatedly passing a laser beam back and forth over a negatively charged cylinder called a "drum" to define a differentially-charged image. The drum then selectively collects electrically charged powdered ink (toner), and transfers the image to paper, which is then heated in order to permanently fuse the text and/or imagery. As with digital photocopiers and multifunction/all-in-one inkjet printers, laser printers employ a xerographic printing process. However, laser printing differs from analog photocopiers in that the image is produced by the direct scanning of the medium across the printer's photoreceptor. This enables laser printing to copy images more quickly than most photocopiers.
Laser hair removal
Laser hair removal is the process of removing unwanted hair by means of exposure to pulses of laser light that destroy the hair follicle. It had been performed experimentally for about twenty years before becoming commercially available in the mid-1990s. One of the first published articles describing laser hair removal was authored by the group at Massachusetts General Hospital in 1998.The efficacy of laser hair removal is now generally accepted in the dermatology community, and laser hair removal is widely practiced in clinics, and even in homes using devices designed and priced for consumer self-treatment. Many reviews of laser hair removal methods, safety, and efficacy have been published in the dermatology literature.
Laser Jet Removal (Although it's primarily meant to be used against jet missiles not jet planes (as the FAA quip suggests)
- [Heading above the table:]
- Online Reviews of Laser Products
- [A three by three table with one word to the far left, from which three lines split out and goes to three words just left of each of the three rows. Above each column is three other words. Below in the table are nine reviews with star rating on a five star scale. The actual rating is indicated with black stars and also use half filled stars in the rating system. The ratings are written in the table in square brackets.]
...surgery ...removal ...printer Laser eye... [4 1/2 stars]
"I don't need
jet... [1 1/2 stars]
to try it."
[2 1/2 stars]
the FAA got
hair... [2 1/2 stars]
turn off, jams
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