Difference between revisions of "820: Five-Minute Comics: Part 2"

Explain xkcd: It's 'cause you're dumb.
Jump to: navigation, search
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{{comic
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| number    = 820
 
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| date      = November 17, 2010
 
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| title    = Five-Minute Comics: Part 2
 
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| image    = five_minute_comics_part_2.png
 
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| titletext = Dear Wiccan readers: I understand modern Wiccans are not usually all about the curses and hexes. But Darth Vader was recently converted from Episcopalianism and he's still figuring it all out.
 
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==Explanation==
 
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This is the second of three "five-minute comics" Randall posted during a week in November 2010. The introduction to the comic explains everything you need to know about the circumstances behind it.
 
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Randall obviously made more than three of these five minutes comics, and one of them was published later, for a short period of time by a mistake, but an android xkcd browser picked it up while it was on-line and saved it. Since then it has been added to explain xkcd. So here is a complete list of all four comics in the entire [[:Category:Five-minute comics|Five-minute comics]] series:
 
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*[[819: Five-Minute Comics: Part 1]]
 
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*[[820: Five-Minute Comics: Part 2]]
 
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*[[821: Five-Minute Comics: Part 3]]
 
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*[[Five-Minute Comics: Part 4]]
 
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Here is a list with explanations for each of the small comics:
 
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*1. The first comic pokes fun at improbable conspiracy theories. {{w|Dealey Plaza#Grassy knoll|The grassy knoll}} is a location famous among conspiracy theorists who believe it to be the location of an unknown accomplice in the {{w|assassination of John F. Kennedy}}.
 
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:It turns out that, somehow, this will all lead up to a theory that perfectly explains the {{w|September 11 attacks}}.
 
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*2. When a woman described as having a "glow" about them, it's usually just a vague sentiment of attractiveness, specifically during pregnancy, which here very suddenly reaches its conclusion as a baby is unceremoniously plopped into the world.
 
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*3. "{{w|Cogito ergo sum}}" is philosophical statement in Latin, formulated by {{w|René Descartes}}, translated as "I think, therefore I am". Descartes wanted to build a philosophy from scratch, starting with something he could be absolutely certain of. "Cogito ergo cogito", is Latin for "I think, therefore I think." This can even beat "cogito ergo sum" in uncontroversiality; it is a {{w|tautology}}, which is why the off-screen character describes it as "playing it safe."
 
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*4. The comic on the far right is a reference to {{w|trick or treating}}, a major part of the modern {{w|Halloween}} holiday.  Children go from door to door saying, "Trick or treat?".  The ''trick'' is a non-serious threat to play a trick on the person if no treat is provided (but see also {{w|Mischief Night}}).  Normally, the person at the home then gives them candy (a ''treat'') as a response.  Here, a Megan-like character, possible [[Danish]], visits nightmares upon small children by gifting them blood.
 
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*5. To bail out of a plane means to escape the plane, usually via the {{w|Ejection seat|cockpit's eject mechanism}}. To bail out a boat means to manually drain water coming onto the ship with buckets. The pilots here have confused the two, although if a plane was somehow taking on a large amount of water, bailing out that water would be a reasonable course of action.{{citation needed}}
 
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*6. Sometimes, TV shows will tell true stories while playing up the drama angle for ratings purposes. In these cases, they will often air a notice similar to "The following program is a dramatization of real events" before the show, to indicate that the story they're about to tell is true, albeit not as a literally accurate retelling of events. Here, the disclaimer is technically true, although the events are normally devoid of any drama whatsoever. To add some, Cueball is screaming.
 
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*7. {{w|Black light}}s are a kind of lamp that filters out sub-purple light. This means that the only light it gives off is a small amount of purple light, plus plenty of ultraviolet light. Ultraviolet light is invisible to humans, but it is noticeable in a few ways; it hurts the eyes, which is why it's hard to focus on things under a black light; it causes sunburns, although the amount given off by a black light is far too insignificant to do this in a realistic time; and it causes a fluorescence reaction in semen, some food stains, and dust making them appear to glow, which is why the robes look dirty. As such, a "{{w|Lightsaber|blacklightsaber}}" would, indeed, be a bad idea.
 
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**It also causes a fluorescent reaction in clothes washed with common washing detergents (which contain brightening agents [https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/biochemistry-genetics-and-molecular-biology/optical-brightener Optical Brighteners]) - most notably white cotton, which is why it has been used in discothèques, because of the way people in white T-shirts will light up.
 
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** Interestingly, there is a "Black Lightsaber" in Star Wars canon; a unique, one-of-a-kind weapon known as the [http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darksaber Darksaber].
 
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*8. Most judicial systems have a {{w|jury}}, a panel of impartial laymen that, primarily, determines the guilt or innocence of a suspected criminal. "Ladies and gentlemen" is a formal way of addressing a crowd, and so Cueball addresses the jury as "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury."
 
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:However, it turns out the jury consists only of women, so the "gentlemen" part is not needed. This poses a problem to Cueball's defense, which apparently relied on somewhat sexist tactics. This, sadly, is not too uncommon in real life.
 
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*9. The commander's first line is a line from ''{{w|Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope}}''. In the original film, the commander was cut off by {{w|Darth Vader}} using {{w|Force_(Star_Wars)|the Force}} to strangle him, delivering the rebuttal "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
 
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:Instead of belief in the Force as in the movie, the "ancient religion" referred to here is actually {{w|Wicca}}, a modern pagan religion with two deities that is most notable for practicing magic, and is related to {{w|voodoo}}. So, naturally, Darth Vader puts a hex on the commander's family. (Although, to modify a quote from the Internet, Wiccans hexing you as punishment is like a hippie threatening to punch you in your aura.)
 
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:The title text notes that modern Wiccans don't really practice the whole "putting hexes on people" thing, which is true. Episcopalianism probably refers to the {{w|Episcopal Church (United States)|Episcopal Church of the United States}}, which was founded during the American Revolution to replace the Church of England in the colonies.
 
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==Transcript==
 
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:Because of a family illness, instead of regular comics, this week I'll be sharing some strips that I drew as part of a game I played with friends.  Each comic had to be written and drawn in five minutes.
 
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:--Randall
 
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:;Comic #1
 
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:[A ninja is hiding under a diving board as a man runs along it.]
 
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:[The man jumps on the end of the board and hits the ninja in the head, knocking him into the pool.]
 
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:[The ninja floats in the water. A bullet passes through the man's head.]
 
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:''thwipp''
 
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:[The man is lying bleeding on the diving board, the ninja is still unconscious on the pool.]
 
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:[A sniper is at the top of a hill. The sign in front of the hill says "Grassy Knoll".]
 
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:[Someone is pointing at the diagram of the previous panel.]
 
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:Off-panel voice: Wait, so ''what'' does this have to do with 9/11, again?
 
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:Cueball: I ''said'' I'm getting there!
 
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:;Comic #2
 
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:[Cueball is studying Megan.]
 
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:Cueball: You look different.
 
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:Cueball: You have this... <u>glow</u> about you.
 
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:[They stare in silence.]
 
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:[A baby falls out of Megan.]
 
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:''plop''
 
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:;Comic #3
 
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:Megan: Cogito ergo cogito.
 
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:Off-panel voice: Playing it safe, huh?
 
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:;Comic #4
 
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:[Two children dressed up as ghosts are standing in front of Megan at a door, each carrying a bag.]
 
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:Children: Trick or treat!
 
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:[Megan doesn't move.]
 
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:Child: Um hi. Why are you just standing there?
 
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:Other Child: Candy?
 
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:[Another silent panel as the children stare up at Megan.]
 
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:[The second child looks in their bag.]
 
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:Other Child: Oh God, my bag of candy.
 
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:Other Child: It's filling with blood.
 
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:Child: We should go.
 
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:;Comic #5
 
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:[A jet is flying across the panel.]
 
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:Pilot: Bail out! Bail out! Bail out!
 
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:[The pilot and copilot have buckets, and are bailing water out of the cockpit.]
 
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:;Comic #6
 
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:The following is a dramatization of real events.
 
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:[Cueball is at a counter, with several jars.]
 
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:Cueball: AAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm making a sandwich! AAAAAAAAAA!
 
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:;Comic #7
 
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:[Two people are carrying lightsabers and wearing robes.]
 
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:Cueball: Oh God, my eyes won't focus right! And your robe looks... really dirty!
 
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:My blacklightsaber was not a success.
 
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:;Comic #8
 
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:[Cueball is standing.]
 
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:Cueball: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
 
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:Off-screen voice: It seems we happen to be all ladies, actually.
 
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:Cueball: ...in that case, this defense is going to appear <u>extremely</u> ill-advised.
 
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:;Comic #9
 
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:[Darth Vader is sitting between two people, at a table.]
 
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:Cueball: Your sad devotion to that ancient religion hasn't helped you conjur up the stolen data tapes, or given you—
 
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:Darth Vader: ''HEY.'' Wicca is a legitimate belief system!
 
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:[Darth Vader is drawing a pentagram on the table.]
 
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:Cueball: What are you—
 
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:Darth Vader: Putting a <u>hex</u> on your family.
 
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{{comic discussion}}
 
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[[Category:Five-minute comics| 02]]
 
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[[Category:Comics sharing name|Five-minute comics]]
 
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[[Category:Comics featuring babies]]
 
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[[Category:Comics featuring Cueball]]
 
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[[Category:Comics featuring Megan]]
 
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[[Category:Philosophy]]
 
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[[Category:Physics]]
 
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[[Category:Star Wars]]
 
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[[Category:Comics with blood]]
 
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[[Category:Multiple Cueballs]]
 

Revision as of 19:04, 26 May 2022

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