997: Wait Wait

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Wait Wait
You can't stab Carl Kasell. He sounds all slow and stentorian, but he moves like a snake.
Title text: You can't stab Carl Kasell. He sounds all slow and stentorian, but he moves like a snake.

[edit] Explanation

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me is an hour-long weekly radio news panel game show produced by Chicago Public Radio and National Public Radio. The show is hosted by playwright and actor Peter Sagal. Each episode ends with the panelists making up a potential future news story, usually with implausible "facts". This comic is making puns on the title of the show based on what Peter Sagal might have done that was newsworthy.

Carl Kasell, who also served as the newsreader on Morning Edition, is the show's official judge and scorekeeper. I assume that is who Randall meant in the second paper in the second row and in the title text despite the Karl/Carl spelling confusion. This may be the point: that most people spell his name wrong, according to at least one source.

The 1st row, 4th paper may refer to the Laugh Factory Incident of 2006.

In the 3rd row, first paper, Lakshmi Singh is NPR's national midday newscaster.

In the 3rd row, 3rd paper is a reference to a protest at UC Davis (on the campus of University of California, Davis) protests in early 2012 in which sitting, peaceful protesters were calmly pepper-sprayed in their faces by a police officer. That spawned an internet meme of epic proportions.

In the 4th row, 2nd paper is a reference to the movie, Ghostbusters.

In the 4th row, 3rd paper is a reference to Granny Weatherwax of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels; Granny Weatherwax is a witch who carries a sign saying "I ATEN'T DED"(sic) when having out-of-body experiences.

In the 5th row, 2nd paper is a reference to another internet meme in where someone leaves out the verb in the sentence. It is based on the I Accidentally ___ meme.

In the 5th row, 3rd paper is a reference to the Eldritch abomination Cthulhu, from "The Call of Cthulhu" by H.P. Lovecraft. He is one the Old Ones, the Elder Gods, and is awakened by his worshipers chanting, "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" ("In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.") Hence the title, "Wait, Wait, Don't speak its name."

[edit] Transcript

Headlines!
Stockpiled in case Peter Sagal, host of NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, does something newsworthy in 2012.
[Series of above-the-fold newspapers follows; Each has a headline, picture in most of them, and an explanation.]
[First row, first paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Shoot Me
[A fierce Peter Sagal in a balaclava brandishes a gun in a supermarket.]
NPR's Sagal in Whole Foods hostage standoff.
[First row, second paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Vote For Me
Peter Sagal quits race for GOP top spot
[A sullen and defeated Peter Sagal surrounded by supporters admits defeat.]
[First row, third paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Judge Me
Sagal opens up about his Kermit fantasy.
[Stock profile images of Peter Sagal and Kermit the Frog.]
[First row, fourth paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Fire Me
[Stock profile image of Peter Sagal.]
Peter Sagal let go after racist tirade.
[Second row, first paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Cancel Me
NPR axing news quiz.
[NPR spokesperson delivering announcement.]
[Second row, second paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Interrupt Me
Sagal stabs Carl Kasell in on-air dispute.
[Peter Sagal mid-attack with a knife.]
[Second row, third paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Look At Me
[Peter Sagal with a skin condition.]
Peter Sagal's Poison Ivy Ordeal
Peter Sagal: "My 'Nam"
[Second row, fourth paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Friend Me
Peter Sagal deletes his Facebook account.
[Person holding up a laptop with an "Facebook account not found" screen.]
[Third row, first paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Seduce Me
How Lakshmi Singh stole Sagal's Heart.
[A wistful Lakshmi Singh being left by a sullen Peter Sagal.]
[Third row, second paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Leave Me
[A wistful Peter Sagal being left by a furious Beth Sagal.]
Sagal's wife out after affair
[Third row, third paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Spray Me
Police Raid Sagal's Occupy NPR protest
[Scummy policeman in riot gear spraying Peter Sagal in the face point blank.]
[Third row, fourth paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Indict Me
Sagal, five others named in cash-for-tote-bags scandal
[Peter Sagal doing a perp walk.]
[Fourth row, first paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Clone Me
Peter Sagal 'Outraged' over DNA harvesting.
[Fiery Peter Sagal, missing a small amount of DNA, at a podium.]
[Fourth row, second paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Bust Me
Peter Sagal's ghost captured
[Ghostbusters, careful not to cross the streams, capture the ghost of Peter Sagal.]
[Fourth row, third paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Dissect Me
Snoozing Sagal nearly snuffed in autopsy snafu
[Peter Sagal running away from from a very surprised pathologist.]
Peter Sagal: "I ain't dead!"
[Fourth row, fourth paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Objectify Me
Peter Sagal is more than just a piece of meat
[Fifth row, first paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Beatify Me
[Peter Sagal shakes his fist at a picture of the pope.]
Peter Sagal Rebukes Pope
[Fifth row, second paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Me
Peter Sagal Accidentally
[Peter Sagal in a blank vacant.]
[Fifth row, third paper.]
Wait Wait Don't Speak Its Name
[eyes... Eyes... AAAHHH.]
Peter Sagal wakes Eldritch terror
Peter Sagal:"AAAAAAAA"
[Fifth row, fourth paper.]
Wait Wait Even For NPR This Is A Bit Much
This American Life to document the road to recovery for those who suffer the trauma of losing on Wait Wait
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Discussion

The 5th Row, 3rd paper, "Wait Wait ... don't speak its name" may refer to the Lovecraftian Eldetr God Hastur, also known as "He Who is Not to be Named." Eldritch was a favorite Lovecraft word used extensively in the Cthulhu Mythos. 74.120.13.132 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Row three, column three should be "Wait wait, dont taze me, bro" 173.245.63.146 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)


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