3047: Rotary Tool

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Countdown Standard

|< < Prev #3232 (April 13, 2026)

Title text: Anyone who is caught counting 'three ... two ... one ... zero ... GO!' will be punished with a lifetime of eating only ISO standard food samples.

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Explanation

This is one of 65 incomplete explanations: This page WILL BE CREATED IN TWO...THREE...ONE...NEGATIVE ONE...NOW! Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

This comic reflects the common trope of people preparing for a synchronized action as a group (such as lifting something heavy) counting to get everybody to do the action at the same time, without first having agreed at what point in the count they will act. Two of the ways that people often count up can be confusing: the action can be taken on the beat of 'three', or on the beat after 'three'. If the people involved do not all have the same understanding, and so end up acting a beat apart, this could result in undesirable outcomes, such as damage, injury, or just a dispute over who was at fault.

This comic alleges that, if Randall gained control of the International Organization for Standardization (ISO), he would standardize counting to go down from three and have the 'go'-point be at zero. However, this proposal would be no better than counting up, as some people may expect to act on the 'one' or, as the title text suggests, to have a 'zero' before the 'go!', leading to exactly the same problems. Moreover, most people are unlikely to refer to the ISO before starting a countdown, and this is likely to simply lead to the problem outlined in 927: Standards

"Deprecated" is a term applied to something that is no longer recommended for use, so you should fix things so as not to use it anymore. It is commonly used when a standard is replaced by a newer version or an alternative approach, but may still be in use in legacy applications. It is hard to imagine where this would be applicable in this case, since such countdowns tend to be short-lived affairs that would be unlikely to continue running for appreciable periods beyond the publication of the new standard.

The fact that these are called "countdowns", yet the ones being complained about are counts that go up, is probably intentional, and cause for additional irritation among those who are bothered by the inherent inconsistencies.

ISO is an international organization that is responsible for standardizing many things (such as technology and safety standards) to allow for smooth interoperability between countries, manufacturers, and so on. However, it doesn't standardize everyday actions like countdowns.

There are no "ISO standard food samples", as mentioned in the title text, but the implication is that they would be unimaginably bland because they would be 'lowest common denominator' illustrations of the base definition of each food. There are NIST Standard Reference Materials for food, such as peanut butter and "typical diet". ISO 3103 also describes a standardized method for brewing tea, and hacker lore describes a supposed "ANSI-standard pizza". Apparently eating these very bland foods is, in Randall's opinion, suitable punishment for doing “3, 2, 1, 0, Go!” for a countdown. This is a rather more robust level of enforcement than the ISO generally employs against violations of its standards.

Transcript

This is one of 43 incomplete transcripts: Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

[the comic shows three different ways of counting down, with red crosses next to the first 2 (One, Two, Three!, & One, Two, Three, GO!, with 'deprecated' in red ink next to it. There also is a } sign next to the first 2, saying them as 'too easy to mix up'. The last one (Three, Two, One, GO!) is marked with a green tick, with 'ISO standard, next to the tick.] ]Caption below the comic:] If I were in charge of ISO, the first thing I would do would be to standardize the way people count out loud before doing something in sync.

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Discussion

How come it's at 0.017 RPM for a minute?? and yet 1 RPM for a second? pls fix this randall Midnightvortigaunt (talk) 18:01, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Its 0.017 RPM for the minute hand. The minute hand revolves once per hour or at 1/60 RPM ≈ 0,017 RPM --172.71.148.59 18:14, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Ohhh that makes sense I didn't think about it like that Midnightvortigaunt (talk) 19:27, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Mr.Dude (talk) 17:20, 7 February 2025 (UTC) I wonder what torque is needed to launch the average backyard telescope worthy of a tracking mount at Mach 8 given standard state pressures and temperatures of perhaps average conditions found in Randall’s back yard.

How come the comment above is invisible to me? 172.68.245.229 18:03, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Possibly because people indented with spaces rather than with colons? 162.158.79.77 19:40, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

72 RPM for a record player...? 162.158.74.25 18:08, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

I could only find 78 RPM disks in the german wikipedia. 172.70.114.56 18:41, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

I came here to make the same comment: 72 is most probably a typo. The old records (at this date, very old, since the transition to vinyl records was 1948 to 1958 (in the US)) were 78 rpm, not 72 rpm https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phonograph_record Rps (talk) 19:30, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

72 is (for example) relevent to font sizes (size 1 = 1/72 of an inch, size 72 = 1 inch), which might therefore have envaigled Randall's head for numbers by a different route, and got him confused. Conceivably he has had to deal with playing old 78s, but probably not for a long time... even the retro-revival of vinyl, recently, has probably not had quite so many old old records released to fill such nostalgic needs. So an easy brain-fudge/thinko to trip over on. 162.158.74.48 00:54, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

There used to be a record label call 72RPM records. 172.69.229.146 (talk) 19:07, 5 February 2025 (UTC) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

We need one of those tables in here. DollarStoreBa'al (talk) 18:37, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

I made a change to the explanation that all of these numbers are realistic because, I checked out the speed of dental drills and they really do rotate that fast. I haven't checked out all of the other tools, but I suspect that they are also accurate. If you find that any of them are misstated, please correct my correction. Rtanenbaum (talk) 22:38, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

TABLE REQUEST When someone uploads a table, I'd like to recommend a second column for the frequency / reciprocal of the speed. "0.000000000073 minutes" is one every 13.7 billion minutes, or ~26,000 years. Thanks! 172.70.46.107 20:20, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

Me again. Should the column header "revolution time" be "rotation time"? In every instance, the axis of motion is within the object itself; even the second/minute/hour hands go around the axis. 141.101.76.73 16:41, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

TRIVIA 16 2/3 RPM phonographs were used for some voice-recorings back in the day. 172.68.26.24 21:01, 5 February 2025 (UTC)

My parent's old record player (60's, probably) had 4 possible speeds: 16, 33, 45, 78. By the early 80's the current ones only had 33 and 45. Rps (talk) 16:59, 7 February 2025 (UTC)

Album goes back to stacks of 78s. A symphony or opera would be 2, 3, 4 or more disks. They were bound like a photo-album with a leaf for each disk. "78" wasn't "standardized" until the format was fading. 3600-rpm motor and 46-tooth gear is incomplete (one tooth gear??) Early discs were from 60 to 130 rpm. Users would adjust speed by ear (also to ease pitch-matching for karaoke). Only as LPs arrived did someone invent the number "78.26 rpm" (no recordplayer and few lathes of the period were near that accurate). --PRR (talk) 02:34, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

Indeed, my parents had a large collection of old records and at least one had a speed marking of 80rpm.--172.68.186.43 09:17, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

With wind-up players, a lot of them started off playing at one speed and ended playing at a completely different one anyway...172.68.186.50 09:43, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

I suspect there's not many consumers needing a Uranium Enrichment Centrifuge... at least outside of a few countries in the Middle East. --172.70.58.6 08:50, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

Might face some regulatory / export license issues too.172.70.86.129 11:34, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

I feel like there was a lost opportunity to have Dr. Who's Sonic Screwdriver on the list. Maybe the rpms are unknown.162.158.159.107 13:05, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

The table says that 0.00070 "seems off; a sidereal day is 23.93 hours". That's just because (like all of the other settings) 0.00070 is quoted with only 2 significant digits. Every period between 23.64 and 23.98 hours would round to 0.00070 RPM. 162.158.134.199 13:58, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

The question I have is: why are dental drill speeds so high? 172.70.247.92 17:21, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

"why are dental drill speeds so high?" It hurts less. (Are you old enough to remember routine use of belt-driven dental drills?) You can cut a given amount of material (wood, steel, tooth) quickly with heavy force or high speed. Neither is really fun, but hi-speed is generally preferred. --PRR (talk) 19:08, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

Although some materials behave badly to heat (either work-hardening, for some alloys, or melting/burning, like plastics) and that's why variable-speed hand-drills/etc usefully have low speeds (for essentially the same force, when that's done via reostat rather than an actual gearbox). On the few occasions I've had my teeth drilled, I'm pretty sure I've detected the pungent smell of fried tooth-fragments, but it was nothing like as strong as smelling my own nose-flesh being burnt one of the times I had it cauterised to try (and fail) to prevent excessive nosebleeds. 172.69.79.139 21:15, 6 February 2025 (UTC)

The latest NMR CPMAS probes send their rotors to go at 9.6 Mrpm, M=mega. [1] --172.69.109.172 21:56, 7 February 2025 (UTC)

Should we list the rotor diameters to achieve the mach 8 speed mentioned in the title text in the table? I don't think that we should. guess who (if you desire conversing | what i have done) 06:01, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

I (obviously since I worked it all out) think it is in the spirit of the ridiculous idea of the comic and XKCD generally to do these calculations. That said, I'm getting different numbers than your update to make it Mach 8. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

I get the following: 4,799au, 74,866km, 37,733km, 3,144km, 52.4km, 1,588m, 1,165m, 728m, 175m, 34.9m, 21.0m, 149.7cm, 87.3cm, 174.7mm. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

Happy to share calculation notes, but here's the example for the dental drill: 300,000rpm = 5,000 rps; diameter of: 174.7mm --> circumference of: pi * 174.7mm = 548.8mm; 548.8mm * 5000rps = 2,744,000mm/sec = 2744m/sec; Mach 8 = 8 * 343m/sec = 2744m/sec. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

If you agree with the calculations, one of us can at least update it. Denver87 (talk) 16:21, 24 February 2025 (UTC)
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