495: Secretary: Part 2

Explain xkcd: It's 'cause you're dumb.
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Secretary: Part 2
That helmet won't save him.
Title text: That helmet won't save him.


Whenever something big happens the news media likes to have at least two things: interviews with people that are the news, and on-the-scene reporters. Even if those reporters are simply standing in front of a building that something happened in, they have to be on-scene. To thwart the media (and probably everyone else), Black Hat has built a moat around his apartment building. The second reporter is on-the-scene from the Internet, or rather, one of its darkest corners: 4chan. In more detail, 4chan is a collection of image boards, which act somewhat like forums, where users go to share images. The different boards are named by their "folder" structure, for lack of a better term. Therefore, the name /b/ comes from its URL: 4chan.org/b/. Pronounced "slash bee" (because the second forward slash is not necessary), /b/ is the "random" board, where anything goes, where anything is the superset of all sets, as in anything. Absolutely. Anything. As in, going more than two seconds without seeing pornographic content or hateful slurs is almost unheard of. /b/ is also the one that gets the most publicity, because it has started most of the memes [1] on the Internet, as well as the birthplace of Anonymous. Everyone in /b/ is some kind of troll (take that as a compliment all you /b/tards), thus the title text means that the reporter isn't safe, even though he is wearing a helmet. In fact, a goofy helmet like that is liable to get the trolls on you faster than if you didn't have it.

Ron Paul is a man who is currently a U.S. Representative for Texas. At the time the comic was published, he was running, for the third time, for President of the United States.

A haberdasher is a person who sells small articles of clothing that have been or can be sewed. In modern English a haberdashery (where a haberdasher would work) is a place that sells hats.

Ron Paul's 2008 presidential campaign did, in fact, use a blimp which was named the Ron Paul Blimp. However, despite their elegant appearance, blimps are not a very fast way to travel.

All comics in the Secretary series:

This series was released on 5 consecutive days (Monday-Friday) and not over the usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.


News Anchor: Breaking news—the President has made a nomination to the new post of Internet Secretary. We know little about the man, shown here.
{Image of Black Hat.}
Image Caption: Possibly a haberdasher?
News Anchor: Attempts to reach the nominee at home were unsuccessful.
Reporter: What the hell kind of apartment has a moat?
News Anchor: To understand the culture from which he came—and which he may soon administer—we sent a reporter to what we're told is the source of that culture. Tom?
Tom: I'm coming to you live from the 4chan /b/ board. Despite the tube cloggage, nascent memes are flying fast and furious.
News Anchor: Why are you wearing a helmet, Tom?
Tom: I'm not sure.
[Meanwhile in Ron Paul's blimp.]
Ron Paul: Ahoy! What news of the blogs?
Ponytail: Dr. Paul! The President's named his nominee!
Ron Paul: It's not me?
Ron Paul: Wait! I remember that guy from the campaign! He's a notorious troll!
Ron Paul: They mustn't put him in charge. Quick, call the capitol!
Ponytail: Can't, sir. The tubes just went down completely.
Ron Paul: Blast!
Ron Paul: Then we'll go ourselves. Full speed ahead!
[The blimp advances minutely.]
[The blimp advances minutely.]
[The blimp advances minutely.]
Ron Paul: I said full speed!
Ponytail: It's a blimp, sir!

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Ron Paul wishing to become Secretary of the Internet could be a reference to the vast numbers of Ron Paul supporters that can be found online. (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

I switched "/b/ers" to "/b/tards" because that's how they most often refer to themselves. I hope that's ok. (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Uh, as a former Ron Paul supporter, I'm pretty sure he ran for President for the SECOND time in 2008, unless anyone can tell me if he ran sometime between 1988 and 2008. Changing. 01:11, 9 November 2014 (UTC)

Are we sure that's a CD, not a boob? This is /b/ we're talking about here.--Troy0 (talk) 14:04, 2 June 2016 (UTC)