Difference between revisions of "2377: xkcd Phone 12"

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(Sustain pedal explanation)
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* '''Interlocking, stackable''' - A quality of, among other things, LEGO bricks.
 
* '''Interlocking, stackable''' - A quality of, among other things, LEGO bricks.
 
* '''Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility''' - The GameBoy Printer was a thermal paper printer originally paired with the GameBoy Camera
 
* '''Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility''' - The GameBoy Printer was a thermal paper printer originally paired with the GameBoy Camera
* '''Sustain Pedal''' - Modern pianos typically have three pedals, the rightmost of which is called the [[wikipedia:Sustain pedal|sustain pedal]].
+
* '''Sustain Pedal''' - A sustain pedal is commonly associated with a digital keyboard or piano, it lets the note continue sounding when the key is released. It's unclear what purpose it would serve in a phone.
 
* '''CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves''' - An allusion to the COVID-19 pandemic. {{w|We Like to Party! (Vengaboys song)|"We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)"}} is a 1998 Eurodance/techno hit by the Vengaboys, and is perhaps most familiar to Americans from a series of Six Flags ads.
 
* '''CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves''' - An allusion to the COVID-19 pandemic. {{w|We Like to Party! (Vengaboys song)|"We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)"}} is a 1998 Eurodance/techno hit by the Vengaboys, and is perhaps most familiar to Americans from a series of Six Flags ads.
 
* '''Sacrificial anode''' - Useful if something metal (like, say, a boat) will be in a wet environment for a long time. The sacrificial anode is made of a material with higher redox potential, and will corrode faster than the (more valuable) metal object it's attached to. It's unclear if the phone HAS a sacrificial anode or IS a sacrificial anode.
 
* '''Sacrificial anode''' - Useful if something metal (like, say, a boat) will be in a wet environment for a long time. The sacrificial anode is made of a material with higher redox potential, and will corrode faster than the (more valuable) metal object it's attached to. It's unclear if the phone HAS a sacrificial anode or IS a sacrificial anode.

Revision as of 00:29, 27 October 2020

xkcd Phone 12
New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it).
Title text: New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it).

Explanation

Ambox notice.png This explanation may be incomplete or incorrect: Created by a PERSON NAMED MAX. Features need more explanation, and MOUSEOVER TEXT needs to be explained. Do NOT delete this tag too soon.
If you can address this issue, please edit the page! Thanks.

This is the 12th in the ongoing xkcd Phone series in which Randall explains his new joke phone designs with many strange and useless features. It is also a reference to the recently released iPhone 12.

  • Full drivetrain warranty - A common feature on automobiles--see wikipedia:Drivetrain for more. As a side note, the phone here would be cheaping out on the warranty if it were a car; a "drivetrain" warranty covers everything except the engine; only if it was a "powertrain" warranty would it cover the engine. A phone typically has none of these things, although this one seemingly does.
  • Coated for easy swallowing - A common feature on solid medicines meant to be taken orally
  • Surgical-grade apps - "Surgical-grade steel" is sometime used as a selling point indicating quality materials.
  • Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
  • Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
  • 40 mL emergency water supply - Many phones are now water-resistant to some degree; this phone ships with water included.
  • Security feature: unmarked side buttons
  • 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches - Possibly from a Tesla coil.
  • 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
  • Extended release charge cable
  • Closed timelike curves - Given that Closed timelike curves are usually associated with solutions to general relativity that allow for time travel...
  • Fits in standard shipping container - An intermodal shipping container is large enough to fit vehicles, raising the question of just how big this XKCD phone is.
  • Interlocking, stackable - A quality of, among other things, LEGO bricks.
  • Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility - The GameBoy Printer was a thermal paper printer originally paired with the GameBoy Camera
  • Sustain Pedal - A sustain pedal is commonly associated with a digital keyboard or piano, it lets the note continue sounding when the key is released. It's unclear what purpose it would serve in a phone.
  • CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves - An allusion to the COVID-19 pandemic. "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" is a 1998 Eurodance/techno hit by the Vengaboys, and is perhaps most familiar to Americans from a series of Six Flags ads.
  • Sacrificial anode - Useful if something metal (like, say, a boat) will be in a wet environment for a long time. The sacrificial anode is made of a material with higher redox potential, and will corrode faster than the (more valuable) metal object it's attached to. It's unclear if the phone HAS a sacrificial anode or IS a sacrificial anode.
  • Tactical helium reserve - since 1925, the United States has had a strategic helium reserve - helium is very rare on earth and has important scientific and military uses, so it’s important to have aside just in case. But here we have a tactical helium reserve - which suggests its smaller and focussed on shorter term goals. Compare wikipedia:Strategic bombing focussed on destroying entire cities or countries and wikipedia:Tactical bombing aimed at destroying individual targets or military units.
  • 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor) - Indicates the phone contains fissile material.
  • Shake for factory reset - A factory reset is often possible on electronic devices, and is usually accomplished either by pressing a button or closing an electrical bridge. This one works like an Etch-a-Sketch. This would not be preferred, as slight disturbances could easily cause massive losses of data.
  • Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you

Transcript

Ambox notice.png This transcript is incomplete. Please help editing it! Thanks.
  • Full drivetrain warranty
  • Coated for easy swallowing
  • Surgical-grade apps
  • Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
  • Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
  • 40 mL emergency water supply
  • Security feature: unmarked side buttons
  • 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches
  • 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
  • Extended release charge cable
  • Closed timelike curves
  • Fits in standard shipping container
  • Interlocking, stackable
  • Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility
  • Sustain Pedal
  • CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves
  • Sacrificial anode
  • Tactical helium reserve
  • 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)
  • Shake for factory reset
  • Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you

The xkcd Phone 12* and 12 Max**

*Standard **For people named Max

"The only phone you'll ever own"®™


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Discussion

Is there any way to install the Vengaboys feature on my own phone? It's pure genius

(Above unsigned comment was clearly being replied to by the following. Tidying up by moving my own signed comment about coatings.) 162.158.158.171 12:39, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Perhaps by taking data from infrared sensors and microphones, an app could automatically start the song? Might have some interesting copyright issues, tho idk how those things work … 162.158.63.124 23:57, 26 October 2020 (UTC)

If it's coated for easy swallowing, perhaps it's actually a tablet... 162.158.155.54 22:50, 26 October 2020 (UTC)

Now officially entered in Explanation. 162.158.158.171 12:39, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
This could be a reference to the recently-released Animaniacs reboot trailer, where the Warner kids are shown a tablet (probably an iPad) that looks like it's on Wikipedia and told that it contains the sum of all human knowledge. Yakko then takes the tablet, puts it in a comically large glass of water, swallows the water and tablet in one gulp, and then seems to have absorbed all of the knowledge. Duraludon (talk) 17:34, 27 October 2020 (UTC)


Disabling the screen is a real feature (though it's called screen curtain on iOS https://support.apple.com/en-ca/HT201443). -- 108.162.241.70 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

The 600LB magnet doesn't weigh 600 pounds, it's strong enough to hold 600 pounds. And if you used the interlocking feature, and it doesn't explode, you'd never be able to pull the phones apart. Mikemk (talk) 01:42, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

I just looked up 600 lb fishing magnets on Amazon.com. They weigh a couple lbs. Barmar (talk) 05:05, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

I think that the coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission feature may be a lightsaber mode?162.158.146.46 19:33, 8 February 2023 (UTC)

From what we've learned about xkcd-Phones so far, I wouldn't be surprised if the magnet actually weights 600 lb. 108.162.229.91 11:23, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
yes, the text is ambiguous if the 600lb is force or weight. And, if it's weight, it would explain the need for a drivetrain to move it, and a shipping container to ship it.
How much does the magnet cost? 600₤?

I would actually buy something with Game Boy Printer compatibility. Goodbye, world! (talk) 03:49, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

John MacAfee fled Belize (and the Belize police) when he was wanted for questioning as a “person of interest” in the murder of Gregory Viant Faull. I suspect that that is part of why Randal posits an attack from John MacAfee (and defense from Peter Norton, who (unlike John) hasn’t completely lost his mind). I think he is also on the run from Spanish authorities for tax evasion.173.245.54.136 04:33, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

I think there should be some explanation of who these people are. I could assume that they're the founders of the companies of the same name, or look it up, but the explanation should probably mention it. Angel (talk) 12:44, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Isn't it "McAfee", not "MacAfee"? Or is there an unknown menace named MacAfee that we need to be warned about? 162.158.74.82 13:30, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

Don't many mobile games use shaking as a way to reset or roll the dice? Barmar (talk) 05:04, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

Also Moto phones use shaking to turn on the flashlight. Mikemk (talk) 05:19, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

The tactical helium reserve might prove problematic if the phone uses MEMS for timekeeping.

(Great link, but unsigned...) Helium's a wonderful substance. Everyone speaks highly of it! 162.158.158.171 12:39, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

"Coated for easy swallowing" could be referring to ambiguity between 'tablet (pharmacy)' and 'tablet computer' (which is quite similar to a phone). Angel (talk) 12:44, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

See comment (nearly) at top of Talk. Also you may have missed the change I made which then momentarily vanished due to someone's overzealous manual reversion but now is restored. Enjoy. ;) 162.158.159.46 12:54, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
(I seem to be IP-hopping. I was the "Tweaks and Buffs" author/restorer consistently on 141.*, not the "I'm an idiot" one on 162.* but here in comments I'm appearing as 162.* both before (inc. last night) and after. - Probably something to do with Cloudflare. It's always something to do with Cloudflare! Any guesses what my IP sign-off will be this time???) 162.158.155.102 13:09, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Solution: Make an account, and log in. OhFFS (talk) 16:53, 27 October 2020 (UTC)


Possibly, to note, Thermal Paper, as what is used by the Gameboy Printer, has high quantities of BPA. Running gag? Also, atmospheric helium temporarily makes IPhones not work, due to mems device issues. https://www.cnet.com/news/iphones-reportedly-malfunctioning-after-helium-exposure/ 162.158.146.174 15:24, 27 October 2020 (UTC)


Vengabus increasing volume as a method of behavior discouragement has been referenced on the podcast My Brother, My Brother, and Me episode #398. Randall Monroe is a listener and a one-time guest on the program, and this line may be in reference to this segment.

Retro gaming is becoming more popular, could the joke of GameBoy Printer compatibility be that compatibility with a regular GameBoy might actually be a desired feature?162.158.106.16 01:53, 28 October 2020 (UTC)

Coated for easy swallowing could also be a reference to this anti-swallow coating: https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/mar/02/nintendo-switch-game-cartridges-taste-bitter 188.114.103.105 09:43, 28 October 2020 (UTC)

Could somebody finish off that "Given that Closed timelike curves are usually associated with solutions to general relativity that allow for time travel...", or at least alter it so it isn't trailing off? 172.69.22.96 10:39, 28 October 2020 (UTC)


Hey, if the phone has a 2x safety factor, and the phones depicted in the comic are next to each other, wouldn't this be a picture of something moments before disaster?

Alternative explanation for '"The only phone you'll ever own"®™️' could be that future phones are either expected to become Mobile Device As A Service, or alternatively so highly locked-down into a proprietary eco-system of technology that your 'ownership' of the device in your hand becomes moot. From yet another sharer of a CGNAT ip address 162.158.155.102 18:13, 29 October 2020 (UTC)

I thought it was a reference to the "Closed timelike curves": once you own this phone, you own this phone. 162.158.183.235 10:37, 30 October 2020 (UTC)

The laser projection system might be useful for emergency self defense, though depending on the potential, it may also count as a concealed weapon and thus be illegal to carry without a permit in the United States (place dpendent) and be basically illegal to own elsewhere.

I bought the phone, and by default it boots into 16-bit real mode. How do I make it automatically boot into 1024-bit protected mode (this is a joke, by the way.) --172.68.57.247 16:42, 4 June 2021 (UTC)

Is Screaming Mode really self-explanatory? I first thought it meant a mode to let the user scream into it. I thought the joke might be that it's not "self-explanatory" what a screaming mode would do on a phone. 172.70.230.111 04:39, 28 February 2022 (UTC)

What if the object depicted in the image isn't 2 seperate things, the 12 and 12 max, but actually just one object that's stuck together somehow? 162.158.155.81 16:57, 22 September 2023 (UTC)