3254: Detector

Detector

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Title text: No other experiment has a lower false negative rate.

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Explanation

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Ponytail and Hairy are showing Cueball a machine, claiming it is their most sensitive detector. Normally, detectors have a designated detecting job, such as smoke detectors which detect smoke. When Cueball asks what the machine detects, Ponytail claims it detects gas, dust, particles, light, radio waves, gamma rays, protons, neutrons, electrons, fields, forces, events, potentials, or states, all of which are obviously supposed to be detected.^{[citation needed]} However, they could have just made separate detectors, but that would ruin the joke.

Cueball points this out and Hairy says that is why it has been continuously running since they turned it on. Ponytail is shocked when Cueball asks what would happen if the light labeled "not detected" were to shine, and Hairy claims it would be pretty bad. If that were to happen, the result would be really bad, as there would be no matter, light, forces, etc. If there is almost no reason for the not detected light to shine, they could have simply made a simple circuit board with a led and written a program so that the light is always on.

The title text states that the machine has the lowest false-negative rate out of any other machine as the "detected" light will always continue shining. This might not even be a real detector, because it will continuously shine "detected."^{[citation needed]} The title text may be a reference to how Covid tests can sometimes be misleading. However, no further details are given.

Transcript

[Hairy is standing next to a large machine labeled "Detector". The front of the machine has two lights, labeled "Detected" and "Not detected". The "detected" light is lit up in green. Ponytail and Cueball walk towards the machine]

Ponytail: Over there are our electron microscope, XRF scanner, and mass spectrometer. And this is our most sensitive detector.

Cueball: What does it detect?

[The next panel zooms in on the detector]

Ponytail: (off-screen) Lots of stuff.

Ponytail: Gas, dust, particles, light, radio waves, gamma rays, protons, neutrons, electrons, fields, forces, events, potentials, or states.

[The next panel zooms out.]

Cueball: I don't understand. Aren't most of those always present?

Hairy: Yeah, it's been saying "detected" continuously since we turned it on.

Cueball: What happens if it says "not detected"?

Ponytail: Oh gosh.

Hairy: That would be pretty bad, I think.

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Discussion

The deluxe edition of the machine probably has "Detected/Not detected" lights for each of those items. I would guess its cost would be significantly higher. 47.248.235.170 21:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC)Pat

To whoever wrote the initial transcript: the title text should not be included. Barmar (talk) 21:57, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

It doesn't even detect a vacuum? Useless thing, showing not even a vacuous truth. 2A02:590:1402:2E01:102F:245D:DD57:1937 22:15, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

It also has zero false positive Rtanenbaum (talk) 23:17, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

Not necessarily. We are told that it never says "No" when it should be saying "Yes", which suggests that there will be no false negatives. If were trust that assertion.

But we aren't given any assurance at all (even a simple nodding statement with no provability behind it) that the machine will not continue to say "Detected" even if it somehow really shouldn't. Should it do so, it would be be a false positive. Even though various other existential problems might be more important to anyone around who might care about it, at that point. 81.179.199.253 23:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
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