1625: Substitutions 2
| Substitutions 2 |
 Title text: Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs. |
Explanation
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This explanation may be incomplete or incorrect: Table for explanation should be filled out If you can address this issue, please edit the page! Thanks. |
This is a sequel to 1288: Substitutions, but there have been several comics using substitutions both before and after that comic.
In this table, Randall suggests substituting several common phrases in generic news with similar or related phrases that mean something different for comical effect. Some of the replacements are synonyms, some are antonyms, and some are plain different concepts, but they would (most of the time) make a grammatically correct sentence. The resulting idea would, however, often sound absurd or bizarre.
Some of the examples might, also, mock the fact that many news contradict the actual facts or obvious results of a situation. (e.g. "[influential person] vows to do good to the world" would be replaced with with a more usual fact "[influential person] probably won't do good to the world" - see example below with North Korean leader...)
The title text is an example of how the closing sentence of a given article or report might sound after using the substitutions in the comic.
- After substitutions: Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs.
- Before substitutions: Within a few years, our roads will be full of self-driving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery drones.
Table of substitutions
- In this table the difference between the original and the substituted word (and the change to the sentences) will be explained.
- Example of sentences are given below.
Original Substitution Explanation Debate Dance-off A debate is often used between political candidates, to give the voters a chance to decide who they will vote for. Once of the Airbinders is often called the winner of such a debate. Randall is indicating that they could just as well have made a dance-off where they would dance until one of them danced better than the other. Such a dance-off is often seen in TV-shows or films etc. Self driving Uncontrollably swerving Self driving cars were also mentioned in 1623: 2016 Conversation Guide where it was stated that they would come surprisingly soon (within a few minutes according to the substitutions suggested here). But until they are safe it might be better to mention them as uncontrollably swerving cars? Poll Psychic reading Poll can be many thing, but given the political issues in this comic it is likely referring to opinion or exit polls. As these are basically a qualified guess at the future result of an election, this is Randall's way of saying that they could just as well have used a psychic person to predict the election result. Candidate Airbender A candidate usually refers to a political person who represents a certain political party. He would then be that parties candidate, for instance for a presidential election. Airbender refers to the show Avatar: The Last Airbender, where there are waterbenders, earthbenders, firebenders and airbenders. Drone Dog Drones can be many things, for instance a male bee, but as used in the title text it reefers to unmanned aerial vehicles. Amazone is about to use small drones to deliver parcels, and Randall has referred to this before (see 1523: Microdrones). However they are also often used regarding military drones that can shoot down the enemy without risking any military personnel. Vows to Probably won't Vowing to do something means that you really promises to do this. But when for instances politicians vows something, it often ends up not being done. Hence the antonym substitution which means the opposite. From really will to probably won't At large (or At-large) Very large A criminal that is on the run is said to be at large. But At-large is a political designation for members of a governing body who are elected or appointed to represent the whole membership of the body, rather than a subset of that membership. Successfully Suddenly The two words has nothing much to do with each other except that they both begins with su. Expands Physically expands Expands often refers to a physical expansion. But it is also possible to expand on an explanation, as is done for this comic. So that would become: This explanation is being physically expanded beyond all measures... First /second /third-degree Friggin' awful First, second and third-degree can be used in many context. It is common to think about burns, which can range from first to fourth degree, where higher is worse. Also murder charges can range in from first to third degree in for instance the US. Here first degree murder is worst. But again it can be used for other things like an undergraduate degree or postgraduate education for first and second degree respectively. But the substitution fits best with murder or burn, as Friggin is s "softer" swear word than for instance other more commonly used four letter words. It often replaces fuck. Actually it's original meaning was a quite bad word for female masturbation (see frigging). An unknown number Like hundreds This is so imprecise a statement, are we talking less than ten, more than a thousand? Could just as well have said about one hundred. Front runner Blade Runner Global Spherical Years Minutes Minutes Years No indication Lots of signs Urgedrestraint by Drunkenly egged on Horsepower Tons of horsemeat
Example of sentences
- Here follows some real examples with links to the news/text:
- Words from the list, and the replacement words are highlighted with bold font.
- All words are included at least once, and the list is sort of sorted after the order the words appear in the comic, but most sentences have more than one word from the list, on purpose!
- Original sentence: Fifth Republican debate: where each candidate excelled and faltered
- Modified sentence: Fifth Republican dance-off: where each airbender excelled and faltered
- Original sentence: 1,000-Horsepower Self-Driving Electric Faraday Future Concept Leaked?
- Modified sentence: 1,000-Tons of Horsemeat Uncontrollably Swerving Electric Faraday Future Concept Leaked?
- Original sentence: A new Morning Consult poll shows real estate mogul Donald Trump remains on top as the GOP frontrunner following Tuesday’s debate.
- Modified sentence: A new Morning Consult psychic reading shows real estate mogul Donald Trump remains on top as the GOP blade runner following Tuesday’s dance-off.
- Original sentence: North Korea’s Kim vows to raise living standards
- Modified sentence: North Korea’s Kim probably won't raise living standards
- Original sentence: Murderers and rapists among 1,153 criminals still at large after being recalled to prison over the last 30 years
- Modified sentence: Murderers and rapists among 1,153 criminals still very large after being recalled to prison over the last 30 minutes
- Original sentence: Pakistan successfully tests first indigenous armed drone
- Modified sentence: Pakistan suddenly tests first indigenous armed dog
- Original sentence: Obama Expands Gun Controls in Executive Moves
- Modified sentence: Obama Physically Expands Gun Controls in Executive Moves
- Original sentence: There was no indication of first degree familial relationships in the analyzed dataset.
- Modified sentence: There was lots of signs of friggin' awful familial relationships in the analyzed dataset
- Original sentence: …rescue crews continued to collect bodies and interview survivors, including an unknown number of wounded languishing in homes and hospitals with third degree burns
- Modified sentence: …rescue crews continued to collect bodies and interview survivors, including like hundreds of wounded languishing in homes and hospitals with friggin' awful burns
- Original sentence: The Republican presidential front-runner faces a global firestorm
- Modified sentence: The Republican presidential blade runner faces a spherical firestorm
- Original sentence: U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama on Friday urged restraint by both Russia and Georgia in the conflict over the breakaway region of South Ossetia in Georgia.
- Modified sentence: U.S. presidential airbender Barack Obama on Friday drunkenly egged on both Russia and Georgia in the conflict over the breakaway region of South Ossetia in Georgia.
- Original sentence: Video: 52-Horsepower Citroen AX Laps Nurburgring In Under 10 Minutes
- Modified sentence: Video: 52-Tons of horsemeat Citroen AX Laps Nurburgring In Under 10 Years
Transcript
- [Caption above the panel:]
- More
- Substitutions
- That make reading the news more fun
- [A table of words/sentences on the left that change in to those on the left. Between each set of words there is a gray arrow pointing from right.]
Debate ➜ Dance-off Self driving ➜ Uncontrollably swerving Poll ➜ Psychic reading Candidate ➜ Airbender Drone ➜ Dog Vows to ➜ Probably won't At large ➜ Very large Successfully ➜ Suddenly Expands ➜ Physically expands First/second/third-degree ➜ Friggin' awful An unknown number ➜ Like hundreds Front runner ➜ Blade runner Global ➜ Spherical Years ➜ Minutes Minutes ➜ Years No indication ➜ Lots of signs Urged restraint by ➜ Drunkenly egged on Horsepower ➜ Tons of horsemeat
add a comment! ⋅ add a topic (use sparingly)! ⋅ 
refresh comments!Discussion
See previous discussion for browser plugins, scripts, bookmarklets etc. at 1288:_Substitutions [sven]
Can someone update the plugin for Chrome that does the word swaps? :3 Also swap it for upgoerfive-nounsInternational Space Station (talk) 15:11, 4 January 2016 (UTC)
The Title Text should read "...uncontrollably-swerving cars", not "...uncontrollably-swerving cats". But I don't have the heart to change it.
- Neither do I... 173.245.54.55 16:14, 4 January 2016 (UTC)(Daniel)
- Actually, if you applied the 1288 substitutions it would be uncontrollably-swerving CATS.
Ok, I just checked the log, and it was added here, "(cur | prev) 15:11, 4 January 2016 141.101.104.7 (Talk) . . (+1,212) . . (undo)" by the person who added the transcript, obviously I don't know if this was deliberate, though I suspect it was. Either way I think it is very funny and we should leave it. 173.245.54.55 16:14, 4 January 2016 (UTC)(Daniel)
How many of them can be used? "Like hundreds of civilians received friggin awful burns after a not very sudden dog attack Tuesday. After spherical outrage, the blade runner of presidential airbenders probably won't drunkedly egg it on the future."162.158.114.222 16:20, 4 January 2016 (UTC)
huh...nothing for 'campaign' or 'voters'...also, the 'uncontrollably-swerving cats' is probably a victim of the first substitution filter that changes 'cars' to 'cats'162.158.56.227 17:06, 4 January 2016 (UTC)
"The suspect is currently very large" -Pennpenn 108.162.250.162 22:45, 4 January 2016 (UTC)
after loading this into the browser plugin I noticed a loop caused "physically expands" to become "physically physically physically physically physically expands" and I began pondering whether the adding of extra physically-ies made the word intensify. Then I wondered why someone would need to intensify the acknowledgement of physicality. Then I looked at my hands, like REALLY looked at my hands. Beastachu (talk) 00:18, 5 January 2016 (UTC)
As a small note, "No indication ➜ Lots of signs" would actually create quite a few grammatically incorrect sentences. 108.162.241.133 01:19, 5 January 2016 (UTC)
This page looks interesting when you do the replacements on it http://i.imgur.com/dg0bzw9.png - Gradient (talk) 09:47, 5 January 2016 (UTC
The 'dog -> drone' relation could also be a referance to a Half-Life 2 robot called "Dog". This "drone" helps the protagonist, Dr. Freeman, with tasks that could otherwise not be completed by humans, much like todays drones. 197.234.243.234 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)
The substitution is one-way, for example "years" becomes "minutes", but in the example, the substitution is backwards. 134.255.101.92 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)
At large just means unconfined. It gets hyphenated when it gets made part of a noun. So you can have, for example, editor-at-large. It is not reserved solely for fugitives and politicians 162.158.39.23 13:05, 31 August 2019 (UTC)
Spherical firestorm sounds awesome172.70.230.157 23:47, 23 February 2023 (UTC)
Murder Dogs 172.69.7.150 13:37, 12 April 2024 (UTC)
