3158: Shielding Chart

Shielding Chart

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Title text: Sharks can occasionally travel short distances through air when pursuing prey, but their attenuation coefficient is pretty high.

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Explanation

This comic is part of a series on confusion matrices.

Various hazardous (or merely obnoxious) materials, objects, and effects can have their danger reduced with specialized protective equipment. The yellow squares are where the shield fails to protect against the object. The grey-yellow squares are where the shield is partially successful, but still presents some risk. The grey squares are where the shield succeeds.

The first five barriers are materials/conditions which may be used to block some things and not others, which makes for a relatively normal comparison matrix. The last five barriers are devices which are deliberately designed and manufactured to block the last five materials/effects. Comparing those with effects for which they aren't designed is presented for absurdity.

The first three hazards - Gamma Rays, Neutrons, and Alpha Particles - represent different types of radiation. Their associated "beep" and "click" sounds mirror real detection behavior: "beep" corresponds to ionizing radiation like gamma and alpha particles, detected by modern radiation detectors, while "click" refers to neutron detection, which uses a separate type of counter designed for neutral particles. Geiger counters, an earlier form of radiation detector, also clicked.

All but two tiles feature Cueball (or in one case Hairy) trying to make use of that column's chosen 'protective shield', although in the case of some scenarios (involving vacuum or water) he may also be sufficiently equipped against the environment he finds himself in. Also present will be the row's specific 'effect', either in its own right (an object or creature that embodies the phenomenon automatically) or as conveyed by Megan (when not just present as onlooker) who may also have had the 'shield' primarily delegated to her. The two main exceptions are where Cueball himself emits the sound (from within 'protective' suits that turn out to be ineffectual sound-blockers), to apparently annoy Megan, and depictions of radio reception (which always show Cueball's attempt to transmit, whether or not it shows a successful incoming message).

Some hazards, such as alpha particles, a form of radiation with particularly low penetrative power, can be easily deterred by common things; even a relatively short distance through air is enough to minimize their impact. Comparatively, more dangerous hazards, such as the far more penetrative gamma rays, are unaffected by all but the shielding methods actually intended for them. No effect is either all effective or all ineffective, against each form of 'shielding', and neither is any instance of shield consistent against all effects.

The title text notes that, while the shark hazard is shown on the chart to be entirely nullified by a sufficient air barrier, in reality sharks are capable of attacking prey even if it is a short distance out of the water. However, it claims a high "attenuation coefficient", which is an overly scientific way of saying that you don't need a lot of air between you and the shark before it can't hurt you. Indeed, while sharks can jump out of the water to a certain height, there's a hard line between "vulnerable" and "out of reach", and a person can be within arm's reach of a shark's attack while they themselves are in no danger whatsoever. So long as they don't unwisely reach out to tempt fate.

This table might imply that lead is the best defense against everything in general, but it is toxic, so don't bring lead with you at all times.

Table

Shielding Chart	Air	Lead	Water	Glass	Vacuum	Oven mitts	Armor	Bio-hazard suit	Faraday cage	Shark cage
Gamma rays	Gamma rays are not significantly shielded by air.	Lead is commonly used as shielding against gamma rays. Lead works because of its density and high atomic number, scattering gamma rays.	Water can be used to shield against gamma rays, but you need at least 10 feet of water between you and the gamma rays for it to work.	Gamma rays have the highest energy of any type of light and have no mass or charge, making them pass through most materials easily.
Neutrons	Neutrons are not stopped by low density materials such as air.	Lead's high density means that neutrons will keep bumping into lead nuclei, losing their energy through inelastic scattering. However since lead nuclei are much heavier than neutrons, most of the energy will remain with the neutron; as a result, many collisions are needed to slow the neutrons. Some neutrons will also be absorbed by the nuclei, although the cross section is rather low.	Since protons and neutrons have almost the same mass, a collision with a hydrogen atom in water will result in the neutron losing almost half of its energy, resulting in a very rapid attenuation. Moreover the cross section for the fusion of neutrons and protons is high, leading to most neutrons being captured to form deuterium.	None of these materials are dense enough to slow or absorb neutrons in significant quantities.
Alpha particles	As alpha particles are almost completely unable to travel through most materials, any of these would effectively stop them. Even if they didn't, the intervening air and distance to Cueball would prevent them being detected in any case. In the third panel, Cueball questions if his equipment is working, as this is the only thing which isn't detected within the first four shields.	While alpha particles are unable to travel through air, they can move freely in a vacuum. As such, alpha particles are able to reach Cueball in this scenario, activating his detector and allowing Cueball to know that his equipment is indeed working properly.	As with the first four shields, any of these materials would block the particles, and in any case they would have a hard time travelling through air to reach Cueball regardless of the shield provided.	There are gaps in both the cages through which the particles could pass. In both cases, the emitter has been moved closer to the observer, because otherwise the effect would be masked by the intervening air.
Light	Light passes easily through air; if it didn't, we would not be able to see.	As lead is a solid, opaque material, light is not able to pass through it.	Water is mostly transparent to visible light. It will attenuate over long distances, but won't be quickly blocked.	As glass is a largely transparent substance, light is usually able to pass through it.	Because a lack of air does not impact the travel of light, it reaches Cueball without issue.	Cueball is able to use the opaque oven mitts to cover the light source, successfully preventing the light from reaching him.	The helmet Cueball is wearing is opaque, blocking the light from reaching him. It also makes this a fairly useless set of armor.	As with the oven mitts, Hairy uses the helmet part of the biohazard suit to block the light source.	As both types of cages have holes in them, it is easy for the light to pass through the holes and reach Cueball.
Sound	Air is the most common medium through which we perceive sound. It would not serve as an effective barrier between a source of sound and someone's ears, unless it was over a very great distance.	Lead is very dense, and is in fact used for soundproofing due to its resistance to buffeting by airborne sound waves. But, as an extremely dense solid, it is a very fast conductor of vibration within itself (so long as the thickness of the material does not invoke the dampening softness and attenuate those vibrations). In this case, Megan is directly knocking upon the lead screen itself, which seems to be enough for the sound of the knocking to emerge at Cueball's side.	Sound travels significantly faster and further in water than in air, making it difficult to locate and understand, but certainly not doing any good when it comes to blocking sound. The image in this square is of a dolphin,[cetacean needed] detecting fish using sound waves, which it is very good at doing precisely because its sounds travel very well through water.	Glass, while useful for muffling sound, cannot block it entirely, as anyone whose neighbors mow the lawn at 6:00 can attest to.	"In space, no one can hear you scream." In a vacuum (like space), there are no atoms or molecules to carry sound waves.	Oven mitts are thick enough that they block some of the sound if a person shouts into them, but it will not be enough to fully block out the sound.	The two cases of whether sound can penetrate suits are the only two cases where Cueball is trying (successfully) to inflict the phenomenon on Megan, who otherwise features only as the (attempted) instigator. Neither suit is able (or intended) to significantly block sound waves.	The cages are open enough that their ability to block sound is negligible, and standing in one will do very little to block out sound.
Heat	Air can be a fairly effective thermal insulator when constrained, as in aerogels and many types of insulation. However, freely moving air as depicted in this panel flows as it heats up, transferring heat from the campfire to Cueball's marshmallow. Additionally, air does little to block thermal radiation from the heat source.	Lead conducts heat, allowing Cueball to toast a marshmallow on the surface of the shield. However, since lead is poisonous, he should not do this.	Heat will raise the temperature of water. If the temperature is raised high enough the water will start to boil; boiling has long been used by humanity to prepare food. Marshmallows however are not meant to be boiled.	Cueball appears to be holding a glass bottle over an open fire, into which he has presumably placed his marshmallows. Depending on the temperature, the type of glass and its thickness, it is possible to heat the contents of a glass container, but if the container is unsuitable this can be dangerous to the user. Also, it is unclear how he proposes to consume the sticky marshmallow mess this would create.	The lack of matter in a vacuum completely blocks transmission by conduction and convection, the two main ways in which heat is spread. It still allows transmission by radiation, which is less efficient. For the specific example of the thermos shown in the image, the way they are constructed completely blocks radiation, but there are enough residual air particles for a very slow convection. The fact that the shielding is made from one single (very thin) piece, and it has lips, also allows some conduction.	Cueball is holding a pan over an open fire while wearing oven mitts. Pans whose grip or handle is not made of a material that conducts less heat than the pan proper are dangerous to grab onto with one's bare hands: wearing oven mitts protects the user from heat. It should be noted that, depending on the weight of the pan and the time the pan needs to be held over a fire to prepare its contents, this can be quite tiring for the user.	A suit of armor is made of metal, which will conduct the heat and do little to protect one's hands against an open flame. The inside of the gloves will be made of some kind of cloth and/or leather, which, as well as giving little protection, might pose a fire hazard.	Bio-hazard suits are designed to help filter air and allow the user to handle dangerous chemicals. However, most bio-hazard suits are made out of fabrics with a laminate coating, both of which are prone to burning and allow heat to pass through.	Both cages have a minimal effect on the heat from a fire. Depending on the intensity of the fire and the distance from the cage this can create a comfortably warm temperature to the person inside of the cage.
Swords	Air has a negligible force against objects and is unable to stop Megan's sword's thrust.	Lead is a heavy and dense metal, and as a result, it can stop blows from a sword.	While water has a greater force than air against objects, it is still not enough to stop Megan's attack.	Glass is easily broken by sharp blows, especially if it isn't tempered, and as a result does not stop Megan's sword.	A vacuum has no resistance against objects and unsurprisingly is not able to stop Megan's attack.	Oven mitts are typically made of fabric, which would provide only limited protection. They also do not cover the full body.	The metallic armor Cueball is wearing was probably designed to stop penetrating and slashing sword blows, with further layers beneath to dampen impacts.	Swords are sharp, and as such are able to break through the thin hazmat suit Cueball is wearing.	A Faraday cage can be a fine mesh, optimal to screen out various radio frequencies of EM radiation but not intended to stop anything else and comparatively delicate against any physical penetration.	A shark cage, while able to provide resistance against larger threats, has holes through which Megan's sword can go.
Toxic dust	Dust can travel through air, hanging onto small currents. Air does nothing to protect Cueball.	Lead is poisonous, so while a solid lead barrier would prevent toxic dust from passing through, any dust or metal fragments from the shield would still be dangerous.	Water actually can be used to prevent the spread of dust. However, toxic dust that gets into drinking water will contaminate it, and could cause health problems, just as airborne toxic dust can.	Dust cannot travel through glass, and being fully encased in a glass bell protects one from dust (though it would bring its own problems).	With no air to slow it down, dust in space can move at dangerously high speeds, possibly fast enough to tear through Cueball's space suit.	Oven mitts are worn on the hands and do not normally interfere with one's breathing. However, if there is a notable amount of toxic dust in the air, holding an oven mitt over one's face is better than no protection.	A suit of armor still allows the wearer to breathe, and provides no particular protection from dust.	A biohazard suit is fully enclosed with its own internal oxygen supply, and so protects the wearer from airborne particles.	Both cages are too open to provide any significant protection against dust.
Radio	Radio waves are more than able to travel through air. This is what allows walkie-talkies to work.	Although lead is a relatively poor conductor and therefore attenuates radio waves less than most metals, a lead enclosure can still work as a Faraday cage with a sufficiently thick layer of lead.	Radio waves from two-way radios, like the kind shown in the comic, cannot penetrate deep water. There are radio frequencies that can penetrate deep water, but these have a much lower frequency, require more powerful transmitters, and (in the case of extremely low frequencies) cannot transmit audio.	In a similar way that glass is transparent to visual light, it is also transparent to radio waves, allowing them to pass through.	As there is nothing getting in the way of radio waves in a vacuum, radios work very well in space. This allows ground control to communicate with astronauts in space.	Oven mitts, typically being made of fabric, have no effect on radio waves.	A metal suit of armor blocks radio waves. This is because metals are very good electrical conductors, which block the radio waves.	Biohazard suits do not block radio waves, and someone wearing such a suit can send and receive radio transmissions without issue.	A Faraday cage is specifically designed to block electromagnetic fields such as radio waves. In fact, this is the only 'hazard' here that it blocks.	The openings in a shark cage are too wide for the cage to experience the properties of a Faraday cage.
Sharks	Sharks cannot travel very far on land or in the air.	Shielding yourself with lead plates will effectively protect you against sharks.	Sharks live in water, so water is not an effective shield against sharks.[citation needed]	Glass will effectively protect you against sharks, provided that it is thick enough. In fact, sharks are commonly (and safely) shown to the public in aquariums.	In the vacuum of space, Cueball is very far from sharks' ocean habitat (though he may be at risk of dolphins).	Although shark-shaped Oven mitts are quite common due to their similar appearance, oven mitts are not very effective at stopping sharks.[citation needed]	Depending on the design of the armor, a shark might be able to permanently deform it enough that it causes injury, though the more flexible chain mail is successfully used to prevent actual piercing damage from bites.	A biohazard suit is weak enough that a shark can rip through it.	A Faraday cage is weak enough that a shark can rip through it.	A shark cage is specifically designed to protect against sharks. In fact, this is the only hazard here that it blocks.

Transcript

This is one of 27 incomplete transcripts: Don't remove this notice too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

[The whole comic is in one panel]

[A 10x10 matrix sits in the middle with rows labelled as follows:]

Gamma Rays

Neutrons

Alpha Particles

Light

Sound

Heat

Swords

Toxic Dust

Radio

Sharks

[The columns are:]

Air

Lead

Water

Glass

Vacuum

Oven Mitts

Armor

Bio-Hazard Suit

Faraday Cage

Shark Cage

[In all of the Gamma Ray boxes, Cueball stands next to a gamma ray emitter with a smattering of dots a short distance away from it, which is perched on a table as necessary, a geiger counter held in his hand or worn.]

[Gamma Rays vs. Air - yellow tile]

[Just standing a few feet from the emitter. The geiger counter Cueball wears beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep!

[Gamma Rays vs. Lead - gray tile]

[The gamma ray emitter and the table have a lead enclosure covering them. The geiger counter, held towards everything else in Cueball's hand, does not beep.]

[Gamma Rays vs. Water - grayish-yellow tile]

[The gamma ray emitter and table are placed in a large, nearly full, glass of water. Cueball's outstretched geiger counter beeps once:] Beep!

[Gamma Rays vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[A glass 'bell-jar' covers the gamma ray emitter, atop the table, the geiger counter beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep!

[Gamma Rays vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[The gamma ray emitter appears to be held within an open hatch of a satellite. The satellite, together with a spacesuited Cueball, can be seen to be in orbit around the Earth. His chest-mounted geiger counter is transmitting three beeps:] Beep Beep Beep

[Gamma Rays vs. Oven Mitts - yellow tile]

[Megan stands to the left of the gamma ray emitter, wearing oven mitts and covering the emitter with one hand. Cueball’s body-mounted geiger counter beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep

[Gamma Rays vs. Armor - yellow tile]

[Cueball stands to the right of the gamma ray emitter wearing a suit of plate armor. From inside the armor, his Geiger counter beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep

[Gamma Rays vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Cueball stands to the right of the gamma ray emitter wearing a bio-hazard suit. From inside the suit, his Geiger counter beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep

[Gamma Rays vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is surrounded by a mesh cage. His geiger counter beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep

[Gamma Rays vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is within a barred cage. His geiger counter beeps three times:] Beep Beep Beep

[In all of the Neutron boxes, Cueball stands next to a neutron emitter, that looks like two half-sphere shells that are angled slightly open in Cueball's direction, in similar scenarios to the above but with a heftier pedestal in place of the table. No visible effects emit from the emitter. Cueball holds the top handle of the same large detector in each scenario.]

[Neutrons vs. Air - yellow tile]

[The detector emits two clicks:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Lead - grayish-yellow tile]

[The emitter and pedestal are within their lead enclosure. The detector clicks once:] Click

[Neutrons vs. Water - gray tile]

[The emitter and pedestal are in the large glass of water. The detector makes no noise.]

[Neutrons vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[The glass bell-jar covers the pedestalled emitter. The detector clicks twice:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[The emitter sits in the satellite's open hatch. Spacesuited Cueball's hand-held detector transmits two clicks:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Oven Mitts - yellow tile]

[Megan wears oven gloves and covers the emitter, on its pedestal, with both hands. Cueball's detector clicks twice:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Armor - yellow tile]

[Cueball has removed his armor’s helmet and placed it over the emitter. His detector clicks twice:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Cueball stands as normal, having draped his unworn biohazard suit over the emitter, leaving the hood on the floor. His detector sounds two clicks:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[Within his mesh cage, two clicks come from Cueball's detector:] Click Click

[Neutrons vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Within a barred cage, the detector Cueball holds clicks twice:] Click Click

[In all of the Alpha Particle boxes, it is a small spherical mass or flask with 'fizzy' strands or dashes, set in the same base scenarios as previously.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Air - gray tile]

[Cueball is holding a detector and looking at it. The detector is doing nothing.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Lead - gray tile]

[There is a lead wall between the alpha particle source and Cueball. Cueball's worn detector is doing nothing.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Water - gray tile]

[The alpha particle item is stood in a large glass of water. Cueball is holding a detector and looking at it. The detector is doing nothing.]

[Cueball:] Does this thing even work?

[Alpha Particles vs. Glass - gray tile]

[The source, on its table, is covered by a bell-jar. Cueball stands looking at it, wearing a detector that does nothing.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[The source of alpha particles is inside the open satellite hatch. Spacesuited Cueball floats nearby, with a detector that transmits three beeps:] Beep Beep Beep

[Alpha Particles vs. Oven Mitts - gray tile]

[Megan wears over mitts, placing one over the source on its table. Cueball looks ok, his worn detector doing nothing.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Armor - gray tile]

[Cueball, in his full suit of armor, has picked up the source from its table and is holding it directly in his hand. There is no sign of any detector activity occuring.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - gray tile]

[Cueball, wearing the bio-hazard suit, looks impassively at the source on the top of its table. There are no beeps.]

[Alpha Particles vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[The table with the source has been moved to be right next to the mesh cage. Cueball, inside the cage, presses right up to the inside of the same mesh edge, putting his detector right next to it. There are three beeps:] Beep Beep Beep

[Alpha Particles vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Again, the source, on its table, is right next to the bars of the cage. And, again, Cueball is pressed right up against (and perhaps through) the inside edge of the cage. Three beeps sound:] Beep Beep Beep

[In all of the light boxes, Megan points a brightly lit battery torch towards Cueball.]

[Light vs. Air - yellow tile]

[Megan points the torch towards Cueball. Rays of lights splay out over Cueball's face as he instinctively holds one arm protectively over his eyes.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Light vs. Lead - gray tile]

[Megan points the torch towards Cueball, but only illuminates a lead wall that stands between them. Cueball makes no reaction.]

[Light vs. Water - grayish-yellow tile]

[Megan stands nose-deep in the giant glass of water, aiming her shining torch out through the water and out of the glass towards Cueball. Cueball shields his eyes with his arm, but is silent.]

[Light vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[Megan stands within a person-sized bell-jar, shining her torch towards Cueball, who is outside and shielding his eyes.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Light vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[Megan and Cueball, in spacesuits (i.e. with 'fishbowl helmets'), are seen orbiting high above the planet below. Megan holds a torch, shining it towards Cueball.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Light vs. Oven Mitts - gray tile]

[Megan points her torch towards Cueball. Cueball wears oven-gloves, and casually holds one begloved hand over the end of the torch, from which no light is seen.]

[Light vs. Armor - grey tile]

[Megan shones her torch upon the armored figure of Cueball, whose helmet visor is down.]

[Cueball:] Nope.

[Light vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - grey tile]

[Megan makes to point her torch at Cueball, who is dressed in all but the hood of his bio-hazard suit. He holds the hood out, fully covering Megan's torch.]

[Light vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[The torch is pointed by Megan towards Cueball, arm across his eyes as he stands within in his mesh cage.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Light vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Megan's torch shines through the bars of the cage at Cueball, his arm protectively held up.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[In most of the sound boxes, Megan appears to be screaming in Cueball's direction.]

[Sound vs. Air - yellow tile]

[Cueball stands with his hands over his ears, as a tensed-up Megan lets out a loud scream.]

[Megan:] AAAAAAAAA!

[Sound vs. Lead - yellow tile]

[Between Megan and Cueball is a full-height thick lead wall. Megan is tapping on her side.]

[Megan:] Knock Knock

[Cueball:] Who is it?

[Sound vs. Water - yellow tile]

[An underwater scene, showing sea-floor with various corals/sea-plants. Just above is a dolphin, projecting sound waves towards two small fish.]

[Sound vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[Megan is stood within her person-sized bell-jar, screaming loudly. The bell-jar is vibrating. Cueball is covering his ears.]

[Megan, in notably distorted text:] AAAAAAAA!

[Sound vs. Vacuum - grey tile]

[Megan and Cueball float in space, high above the planet. They are both wearing space helmets. An abortive speech-bubble emerges from Megan's helmet.]

[Megan:] .....

[Sound vs. Oven Mitts - grey tile]

[Megan stands to the left of Cueball, wearing oven-gloves. Her hands are over her mouth, muffling her attempts to say anything.]

[Megan:] <two lines of unintelligble sounds>

[Sound vs. Armor - yellow tile]

[Megan is holding her hands over her ears. Cueball is wearing his suit of armor, which is vibrating, while he emits a large scream.]

[Cueball:] AAAAAAAAA!

[Sound vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Megan has her hands over her ears. Cueball is screaming from within his bio-hazard suit.]

[Cueball:] AAAAAAAAA!

[Sound vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[Megan is yelling at Cueball, standing within his mesh cage with his hands over his ears.]

[Megan:] AAAAAAAA!

[Sound vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Megan yells, as Cueball holds his hands over his ears behind the bars of the cage.]

[Megan:] AAAAAAAA!

[All of the fire boxes show a small campfire, or other more expansive flames. In all but one case, Cueball is present. In most of these instances, he is holding a marshmallow, sometimes at the end of a long stick.]

[Heat vs. Air - yellow tile]

[There is a campfire, with Cueball extending a stick-speared marshmallow over it.]

[Heat vs. Lead - yellow tile]

[A campfire has a lead slab propped up above it. Cueball's marshmallow-stick is being held to its upper surface.]

[Marshmallow:] TSSSSS

[Voice from off-panel:] NO!

[Heat vs. Water - yellow tile]

[A campfire heats a cauldron/cooking-pot held over it. Cueball dips his stick with a marshmallow into the container as splashes/vapor emerge. Megan stands behind Cueball.]

[Cueball:] They're better boiled.

[Megan:] NO!

[Heat vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[With a campfire between them, Megan and Cueball stand with sticks in their hands, held close to the fire. Megan has speared her own marshmallow. Cueball holds something, that looks like a wine bottle, in a forked/looped end, a few small puffs of vapor emerging from open top of the bottle.]

[Heat vs. Vacuum - greyish-yellow tile]

[Surrounded by a general setting of flames, there appears to be a cross-section of a vacuum flask. The neck of the flask is plugged. The inside of the flask appears to be half full of liquid with some solid chunks floating in it.]

[Arrowed label, pointing at the flask's chunks:] Ice

[Heat vs. Oven Mitts - grey tile]

[Megan and Cueball stand around the campfire, Megan holding her marshmallow-on-a-stick. Cueball is wearing oven gloves and, with one hand almost over the flames, is holding the handle of a frying pan that is actually in the flames. Something (possibly a marshmallow) seems to be sizzling in the pan.]

[Heat vs. Armor - yellow tile]

[Megan is holding her marshmallow stick over the campfire. Cueball is holding his marshmallow over the fire, directly in his gauntleted hand, as he wears the full armor.]

[Cueball:] OW! OW!

[Heat vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Around the campfire, Megan toasts her marshmallow normally. Cueball wears his biohazard suit, holding his gloved hand close to the flames whilst holding a marshmallow.]

[Cueball:] Ow! Ow!

[Heat vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[The campfire is built just to the left of the mesh cage, within which Cueball is standing.]

[Cueball:] Mmm, warm.

[Heat vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball's cage has a campfire just outside its bars.]

[Cueball:] Mmm, warm.

[In all of the sword boxes, Megan is thrusting a sword rightwards, towards/into Cueball, in this row. Cueball also holds a sword, in all but one case, but lowered and not in a defensive manner.]

[Swords vs. Air - yellow tile]

[Megan is poking Cueball with a sword.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Lead - gray tile]

[Cueball is standing in a lead container as Megan hits her sword against the outside of it, making a metallic sound:] Clank

[Swords vs. Water - yellow tile]

[Cueball and Megan are both underwater, wearing diving gear. Megan is poking Cueball with her sword.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[Megan is standing in her person-sized bell jar; however, she has smashed a hole in the side and is now poking Cueball with her sword through the hole.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[Cueball and Megan are floating in space, wearing spacesuits. Megan is poking Cueball with her sword.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Oven Mitts - yellow tile]

[Cueball stands next to Megan, wearing oven mitts. Megan is poking him with her sword.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Armor - gray tile]

[Cueball is standing in a suit of armor next to Megan. She tries to poke him but cannot penetrate the armor, instead producing a metallic "clink"]

[Cueball:] Ha!

[Swords vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Cueball is wearing his biohazard suit as Megan pokes him with her sword.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing inside a person-sized Faraday cage as Megan pokes him with her sword through the mesh.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Swords vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing inside of a shark cage as Megan pokes him with her sword through the bars.]

[Cueball:] Ow.

[In all of the tiles in the Toxic Dust row, clouds, and further particulate specks, illustrate the toxic dust, in several cases, apparently being discharged by a burning brazier. All tiles have Cueball in the scene.]

[Toxic Dust vs. Air - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing next to a container resembling a metal trash can, with flames visible on top and a cloud of smoke and particulates rising from the flames.]

[Toxic Dust vs. Lead - grayish-yellow tile]

[The burning trash can is encased in a rectangular lead box. Cueball is touching the outside of the lead box as a few particulates are coming off of it.]

[Cueball:] This shield is also producing toxic dust.

[Toxic Dust vs. Water - yellow tile]

[Cueball and Megan are both standing (presumably) outside, watching as particulates hover in the air. There are a few clouds present as well.]

[Cueball:] Don't worry, this will all be safely absorbed by the groundwater.

[Toxic Dust vs. Glass - gray tile]

[Cueball is standing in a person-sized bell jar as toxic dust floats around the outside of it.]

[Toxic Dust vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[Cueball is floating in space next to a satellite with an open hatch that is emitting toxic dust.]

[Satellite:] Achoo!

[Cueball:] My suit!

[Toxic Dust vs. Oven Mitts - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing next to the burning trash can and covering his face with an oven-mitted hand.]

[Cueball:] Cough

[Toxic Dust vs. Armor - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing next to the burning trash can in a suit of armor.]

[Cueball:] Cough

[Toxic Dust vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - gray tile]

[Cueball is standing next to the burning trash can while wearing his biohazard suit. He is unaffected by the toxic dust it is producing.]

[Toxic Dust vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing next to the burning trash can in a person-sized Faraday cage.]

[Cueball:] Cough

[Toxic Dust vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing in a shark cage next to the burning trash can.]

[Cueball:] Cough

[Most tiles in the radio row depict Cueball carrying a two-way radio handset, except where the transceiver appears to be part of the various protective suits that he is wearing.]

[Radio vs. Air - yellow tile]

[Cueball is holding a handheld two-way radio in his right hand, close to his face, and speaking into it. A voice from the radio is responding to him.]

[Cueball:] Eagle Base, come in.

[Radio:] Go ahead.

[Radio vs. Lead - gray tile

[Cueball is standing inside a lead box, again holding the radio close to his face.]

[Cueball:] Eagle Base, come in? Hello?

[Radio vs. Water - gray tile]

[Cueball is underwater, in a diving suit. He is once again holding a hand radio. Bubbles are rising from his helmet and a shark is swimming underneath him.]

[Cueball:] Hello?

[Radio vs. Glass - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing inside a person-sized bell jar, holding the radio close to his face.]

[Cueball:] Is this... part of the mission?

[Radio:] Sure.

[Radio vs. Vacuum - yellow tile]

[Cueball is floating in space next to the satellite. He is not visibly holding a radio, implying that it is integrated into his spacesuit.]

[Cueball:] Eagle Base, I have the package.

[Radio vs. Oven Mitts - yellow tile

[Cueball is wearing oven mitts while holding the radio close to his face.]

[Cueball:] Eagle Base, tactical mitts acquired.

[Radio:] Copy that.

[Radio vs. Armor - gray tile]

[Cueball is standing in a suit of armor. He is not visibly holding a radio.]

[Cueball:] Repeat that? My suit radio is having issues.

[Radio vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Cueball is wearing his biohazard suit. He is not visibly holding a radio.]

[Cueball: Copy that.]

[Radio vs. Faraday Cage - gray tile

[Cueball is standing inside a person-sized Faraday cage, holding the radio close to his face.]

[Cueball:] Eagle Base? Come in?

[Radio vs. Shark Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is standing in a shark cage, holding the radio close to his face.]

[Cueball:] Eagle Base, why am I-

[Radio:] Don't worry about it.

[All tiles in the Shark row depict a shark, except when only the shark's fin is seen emerging from a body of water. Cueball is somehow present in each case.]

[Sharks vs. Air - gray tile]

[Cueball is standing on land next to a body of water. A shark fin is protruding from the surface of the water.]

[Sharks vs. Lead - gray tile]

[Cueball, wearing diving gear, is standing on the ocean floor in a person-sized lead container. A few small fish are swimming above and to the left of him and a shark is floating below the fish.]

[Sharks vs. Water - yellow tile]

[Cueball is again underwater, wearing diving gear. He is very close to a shark and seems to be pointing at it.]

[Cueball:] Kitty!

[Sharks vs. Glass - gray tile]

[The shark is now in a water tank, behind a wall of glass. Cueball and Megan are standing next to the tank, looking at what is likely an informative plaque in front of it.]

[Sharks vs. Vacuum - gray tile]

[Cueball is floating in space. Earth is visible in the background, with a shark fin visibly protruding from a body of water.]

[Sharks vs. Oven Mitts - yellow tile]

[Cueball is underwater, wearing diving gear and oven mitts, he gently touches the shark's snout.]

[Cueball:] Boop!

[Sharks vs. Armor - grayish-yellow tile]

[Cueball is underwater, now wearing a suit of armor. The shark appears to be biting his armored right hand.]

[Shark:] cronch cronch

[Cueball:] Ow.

[Sharks vs. Bio-Hazard Suit - yellow tile]

[Cueball, underwater and wearing his biohazard suit, is now petting the shark on its snout.]

[Cueball:] Good kitty!

[Sharks vs. Faraday Cage - yellow tile]

[Cueball is inside an underwater Faraday cage, which is suspended by a tether going straight up. The shark is in the process of tearing apart the cage.]

[Cueball:] No! Bad kitty!

[Sharks vs. Shark Cage - gray tile]

[Cueball is underwater, in a shark cage suspended from one side by a tether going straight up. The shark is swimming a short distance away from the cage.]

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Discussion

Brb, going out to buy some lead. Fephisto (talk) 01:49, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

If you buy some oven mitts, too, you can get rid of the only two remaining penetrating substances (sound and heat) Logalex8369 (talk) 21:16, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

My new expansion to Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock is coming along nicely. KelOfTheStars! (talk) 02:25, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

Ah yes, you can make sound in a vacuum! King Pando (talk) 02:41, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

Well, there's air in her helmet, presumably... 160.39.41.199 05:05, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

We're not gonna have a good time filling out this table, are we? 47.141.47.226 05:14, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

i bet randall is laughing at those silly explainxkcd editors who now have to elaborate on every single square. if i were conspiratorial i'd say he wrote this just to spite us. raeb 08:46, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

Nah, I'm good at filling out tables :) --DollarStoreBa'al^converse 13:07, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

Is your name perhaps Bobby Tables? user:Seshan S. 10:25, 23 October 2025

Bobby Tables is good at deleting tables, not filling them out :) -Ash Crow (talk) 10:47, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

My name is Billy Tables, Bobby Tables' mild-mannered twin brother. Bobby is my evil twin here to cause mischief and mayhem in small wikis.--DollarStoreBa'al^converse 14:09, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

A bit surprised there's nothing about keeping Mr. Faraday away. --130.233.188.214 06:50, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

He was a doctor, so apples would do the job for that. 82.13.184.33 13:21, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

This came out a couple of weeks after the 50th anniversary of Jaws, so it's disappointing that "a bigger boat" isn't one of the protections. Barmar (talk) 14:24, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

"Air," "Lead," "Water," and "Glass," and a near-perfect "Vacuum" actually vary by thickness. I guess Oven mitts, armor, bio-hazard suits, faraday cages, and shark cages do too but those usually come in human-scale sizes. A meter of air won't give you significant protection against gamma rays, but if you are anywhere near sea level, the air above your head does. A near-perfect vacuum too wide for a shark to get to you before it dies will protect you, one only a few nanometers thick probably won't. 64.201.132.210 18:20, 23 October 2025 (UTC)

The best shield of all is distance. You just need enough of it. KelOfTheStars! (talk) 00:33, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

No - the best shield of all is the Hylian Shield. 82.13.184.33 08:31, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

Me & my brother read this whole thing and cracked up about it for several minutes. RadiantRainwing (talk) 03:03, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

This is definitely one of my favorite xkcd comics. I love the confusion matrix ones. RadiantRainwing (talk) 03:05, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

Wait, why no “raptors” row? I really want to see that. RadiantRainwing (talk) 03:09, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

I'm noticing that the transcript isn't looking too good right now, but I don't exactly have the time to fix it right now. Can someone look at 2998: Ravioli-Shaped Objects#Transcript and copy that format? Thanks, 42.book.addict^{Talk to me!} 03:44, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

There's now an "effect vs shield" row for every tile, plus (following on from how the first row started) a "effect-row" scene-setting description placeholder.

I put a list of the rows and columns at the top, just for quick 'scan down/along' reference by anyone reading that bit, but each cell explicitly starts with the "what vs what" and can (where it hasn't already been) be given the hue of the tile and then a followup line (or more!) which addresses the mini-vignette that depicts its particular clash of row header and column header.

Please do not bother with text-colo(u)rs. For one thing, set on default white page-background, the Yellow would be hard to read (by those who can read it) and also likely of zero value (by those who use text-to-audio to read it). The light grey would be bad enough, and the dirty-yellow could be as bad as either.

The reason I did this much is because someone had put a suggestion about copypasting the #hex HTML colour-codes which either was going to lead to the thing I've just said shouldn't be done or would have to be converted into the colour-code-equivalent descriptive plaintext, and still would not have the 'important everything vs. everything' reference which I quickly cobbled together to provide this structure.

Anyone with a text editor can still constructively search/replace anything within that basic structre that I've perhaps not done the way they think should be done (wrong capitalisation, the way the " - " sits between the "vs." and where the colour should be, whether "vs." is even the right way of describing it!), but the big job is actually trying to describe with sufficient detai what Cueball (or the fish/ice/whatever) is doing to prevent the appropriate effect by the (in)appropriate shield. Which I'm leaving for those in a time-zone more westerly than me (who aren't well beyond their healthy bedtimes) or far more easterly than me (for whom dawn has at least started to approach), or possibly just until people not significantly far from me in either direction find that they're more wide awake than anybody else around the world.

Of course, there's always a possibility that someone has been beavering away at it, offline, for a while now and is going to overwirte all that I did. Which is Ok too, and hopefully all credit to them. I may even now have spent more time writing this than I did putting my framework in, and I frankly hope to find this reply to be superfluous by the next time I check in, anyway, so I can delete it entirely and replace with a congratulatory message. ;) 2.98.65.8 00:43, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

So, with lead, water, vacuum, oven mitts, and either glass or a bio-hazard suit, I would be invincible. 67.4.71.239 22:01, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Randall's clearly only seen the film Jaws but not the book... --Darth Vader (talk) 10:16, 26 October 2025 (UTC)

Or a popular webcomic... ;) 2.98.65.8 18:16, 26 October 2025 (UTC)

cat proximity reference?

do you think shark vs water illustration could be a reference to 231:Cat Proximity ? 129.222.167.167 00:19, 2 November 2025 (UTC)

Almost certainly (the brick joke thrown back a second time with the Shark/Faraday Cage setup, etc).

I mean, it's also possible that they're depicting a catshark, but they generally aren't the threat that even dogfish sharks are (and are probably as harmless to humans, or their insufficiently shark-proofed cages, as catfish...), but I can't see it being any more advanced real-world reference like that. 2.98.65.8 00:49, 2 November 2025 (UTC)
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