2376: Curbside

Curbside

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Title text: The state has had so many contact tracers disappear into that shop that they've had to start a contact tracer tracing program.

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Explanation

This is one of 69 incomplete explanations: Created by an ANGRY GHOST. Could use some elaboration; explain title text. Do NOT delete this tag too soon. If you can fix this issue, edit the page!

Beret Guy is making contact with a shop that sells cursed items, only to vanish when the customer tries to return the product. He has previously mentioned doing most of his shopping (including groceries) at such locations in 1772: Startup Opportunity, and visited one (possibly the same one) several months earlier in 2332: Cursed Chair. That visit ended with him trying to stop the COVID-19 pandemic by destroying the cursed chair, but evidently he either failed to destroy the chair or found that doing so didn't halt the pandemic.

After confirming that he has the right number, Beret Guy asks if the cursed store does curbside pickup, as he intends to place an order for bread and a cursed amulet, but does not wish to go inside during the pandemic. Many grocery stores have started offering such services, allowing a customer to place an order over the phone or online, then receive it outside the store, thus minimizing the interaction with store staff or other customers. Closed spaces are understood to pose a greater risk of contagion than the outdoors, where wind and sun can mitigate airborne viral particles.

The store's contact replies that no, they do not offer curbside pickup, but tries to assure Beret Guy that all employees at the location wear masks. (They might be wearing haunted Halloween masks.) When Beret Guy expresses disappointment at the revelation, complaining about the stuffy air of the shop, the contact advises him to consider the virus as part of the curses that come with their products. An angered Beret Guy promptly proclaims that he will not be doing business with the location if they are going to showcase such an attitude towards the pandemic. It's unclear how he will find another store with similar unusual characteristics, although it has been mentioned that there is an entire industry of these stores.

Beret Guy mentions that he wants to buy an amulet in order to 'do battle with ghosts', which is not an ordinary thing to do^{[citation needed]} given that most people cannot interact directly with ghosts. Perhaps he has a ghost-fighting weapon that he has also bought from the shop, although a more likely explanation (given Beret Guy's peculiarity) seems that he is somehow able to engage in martial combat with them. A common argument for how ghosts can exist is that they are in another dimension; given that Beret Guy has extra dimensions in his bones (2310: Great Attractor), he might appear as a skeleton warrior in the ghosts' dimension. Thus, being able to battle ghosts would be one of the many Beret Guy is a very strange character. Sometimes he takes these strange tendencies into the supernatural.

Click to expand for a more detailed explanation:

Explanation

In the early comics he was mostly just a strange and naive guy. There is an early start to the strangeness, but that power could also be attributed to Cueball (at least it is a shared power) in 248.

From comic 1088, Beret Guy begins to appear frequently with these strange powers, typically not related to each other, except that he has some issues with electrical sockets and power cords as seen in 1293 and 1395. (See also 509: Induced Current and the title text of 614: Woodpecker, regarding power cords, but not these strange powers.) He is also capable of waiting for very long time as seen both in 1088, 1617 and 2987.

Many of these apparent powers manifest as objects behaving strangely around him. It is unclear whether these are in fact powers inherent to Beret Guy or whether the objects are simply cursed; as indicated in 1772, most of his possessions were acquired from shops specializing in cursed items.

Here is a list of the comics where Beret Guy displays strange powers that are beyond the realm of possibility.

List of abilities

1. 248: Creates hypothetical situations which trap him and others around him. These situations are spaces, formed with thin, flexible walls that can be torn open with a knife.
2. 1032: Is able to photocopy 3d objects to create clones of said object
3. 1088: Capable of waiting in the same place for highly extended periods of time, presumably without sustenance
4. 1099: He has the ability to grow wings at will, which can extend infinitely if he chooses to do so.
5. 1135: He can persuade spiders to spin their silk in such a way that it forms a wearable shirt.
6. 1158: He can use his imagination to manifest physical objects
7. 1293: His office has an outlet which can dispense soup when needed.
8. 1388: He can subduct himself through the floor to form mountains in his room.
9. 1395: Is able to inflate a laptop by blowing into a power cord, implying that 1) he exhales helium and 2) he can change the properties of any object at will.
10. 1422: His phone has the same properties as a dying star, expanding and exploding as it runs out of power.
11. 1486: He is able to harness the energy of a vacuum cleaner and fly using it.
12. 1490: He can see individual atoms and distinguish elements apart, but he cannot discern what these atoms make up (he cannot distinguish a human from a dog).
13. 1522: By standing on a stepladder and looking through a magnifying glass, he can examine life on exoplanets in detail.
14. 1614: Another example of changing the properties of objects at will.
15. 1617: He can survive without oxygen for many years. He is also able to gain all necessary nutrients via eating newspaper.
16. 1922: Yet another example of changing the properties of objects. He is also apparently able to make dogs follow his exact commands.
17. 2310: He has higher dimensional bones, leading to a much greater than normal attraction to the Great attractor. This allows him to sleep and rest on walls and ceilings.
18. 2325: Nearby flowing water flows towards him rather than towards the nearest drainage basin. It appears that he is not capable of controlling this.
19. 2376: Has the knowledge of a cursed amulet that attracts malicious ghosts. He claims that the can do battle with ghosts, although it is unknown whether this is an ability of his or just him being odd as normal.
20. 2446: He had the ability to create very large clumps of Spike proteins after receiving the COVID vaccine, although it is unknown as to whether he is still able to do this.
21. 2534: He can construct an object which can stretch and flex to at least 254 miles in length.
22. 2695: He created volcano seeds which, when planted, create a tiny volcano.
23. 2710: He created a hydroelectric dam that produces more water than passed into it.
24. 2805: He has infinite arm strength, as he is able to hold on to a balloon using one arm for at least 1500 years. He experiences no adverse affects during this time.
25. 2850: He is able to influence human thoughts at will by changing the status of his house on Google Maps.
26. 2987: He stands still for an entire 20 years, presumably without any food or water, to tectonic surf; although he only moved about a meter in that time.
27. 3046: He is able to utilize an anomalous ancestry site to figure out that he is related to long-extinct Stromatolites.
28. 3179: He is able to estimate the weight of any object that gets hooked onto a fishing rod he is holding.

.

The title text explains that due to the more lax precautions in the store, enough people have gotten Covid there that contact tracers were sent to trace contacts. However, because the store is haunted/possessed, all the contact tracers have disappeared, leading the state to create a tracing program to find the missing contact tracers. The joke here is that the contact tracers must now be traced by another tracing program.

Transcript

[Beret Guy talking on a cell phone. The response from the person on the phone is in a jagged bubble.]

Beret Guy: Hi, is this the shop that sells cursed items but when you try to return them the shop is gone?

Phone: Yes, how can I help you?

[A frameless panel. Beret Guy still talking on the phone]

Beret Guy: Do you do curbside pickup? I wanted to buy a cursed amulet that angers ghosts, and some groceries.

Phone: No, but it's okay, we wear masks.

[Zoomed in on other side of Beret Guy's face]

Beret Guy: So you can't bring stuff out?

Phone: I'm afraid not.

Beret Guy: But it's so stuffy in there!

[The callee's response is on the top of the panel. Beret Guy is now holding his phone in front of him, ready to end the call.]

Phone: Why not think of the virus as part of the amulet's curse?

Beret Guy: Excuse me!? I'm trying to buy some bread and do battle with ghosts, not endanger my family and friends in a pandemic!

Beret Guy: I will take my business elsewhere.

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Discussion

A possible xkcd universe? Are there any other in universe references? 172.69.35.119 23:25, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Is this the first time we've seen Beret Guy actually angry? 108.162.210.170 02:03, 24 October 2020 (UTC)

I can think of at least one other time: 559: No Pun Intended BlackHat (talk) 16:28, 24 October 2020 (UTC)

Please don't be childish, everyone. (Talking to someone else)

Beret Guy was probably angry in https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/677:_Asshole. 172.69.34.198 16:26, 24 October 2020 (UTC)

I like how Beret guy is trying to get the shop owner to remove a cursed object from the shop... which would probably forever separate the shop owner from his shop & stick the shop owner with the cursed object.

Does the title text actually imply that people are getting COVID at the shop? It says outright that contract tracers are going in, yes, but..? BunsenH (talk) 04:35, 25 October 2020 (UTC)

I don't believe that the comic needs any more explanation. Does anyone else think otherwise? BlackHat (talk) 18:55, 21 November 2020 (UTC)

The importance of a comma. --Char Latte49 (talk) 19:46, 2 March 2021 (UTC)

I think it should be noted somewhere that this is beret guy's only use of "!?" and also arguably the time his motives are most understandable — also, can his mother even catch covid with her plutonium heart? (My first time posting here so I don't know if I'm doing it right) LoquaciousLlama (talk) 18:27, 20 July 2023 (UTC)

"It is also unclear why Beret Guy specifically wants to anger the ghosts."

psychological warfare, perchance? Caliban (talk) 12:49, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
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